XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
ZORAN SAINOVIC © vs. LORD DOMINICUS
Torchwood: Well fans – it’s time for the main event. XHF’s touring junior heavyweight championship once again finds itself in Wrestle United Kingdom! Where Mister Blood has picked the self-proclaimed Dark Lord to-
The other announcers grumble.
Torchwood: Are you gentlemen all right?
Tucker: I can’t believe we’re stuck calling this. I mean, Zoran Sainovic in a WUK ring? I don’t mind if we never have a global championship, if it means keeping that monster out of our federation.
Torchwood: You two have a history with the champion, I take it?
Tucker: He basically made off with the operating budget of our last federation, and purposely drove it into bankruptcy. Oh it limped along thanks to the hard work of some amazing talents – but we all experienced some very hard times because of the commissioner.
Fulton: And now we have to cheer on Lord Dominicus against him? Has hell frozen over? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
Torchwood: It sounds like you have been put in an impossible situation. Well, if you two feel this strongly about it – I can handle the announcing myself.
Tucker: Thanks Sir Arthur-
Fulton: No. I’ll take a front row seat to watch these parasites bleed each other to death.
Tucker: Damn it. He’s right. Still, don’t be surprised if you have to do the heavy lifting tonight.
Torchwood: I’m never surprised.
The camera cuts from the disgruntled announce position to Frank Salazar in the centre of the ring.
Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, has a sixty minute time limit, and is for the XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!
There is a strong mixed reaction, as the crowd like titles, and the XHF, but really resent the participants.
Frank Salazar: Entering first... the challenger... coming to us from parts unknown, he stands at 6’ and weighs in at 180lbs... please give a round of applause for...
The DARK LORD OF THE JUNIOR DIVISION...
WUK’s VantaBlack Savior...
“THE REAL” LOOOOOOOOOOORD DOOOOOOOOMINICUSSSSSSSS!!!
The metal cover of Sim City's "Metropolis" theme starts banging away as THE DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK, Lord Dominicus makes his way out onto the ramp. Behind him the screen shows pictures of him rolling up other superstars and driving the DominiCruiser. He gestures to his GRAND VICTORIES on display before strutting down to the ring.
Frank Salazar: ...and his opponent...
Salazar looks down at the cue cards in disgust, and then shrugging, starts to leave the ring.
Frank Salazar: zoran.
The less than enthusiastic, or informative entrance, clearly tells you where Salazar resided before making his way to WUK. Rolling his eyes to the announce position, Salazar stomps off to the timekeepers table as The Heavy’s “Big Bad Wolf” pumps over the PA system.
#With Time Slipping Away#
#I Can't Say What I'll Do...#
#You Got Nothing To Saaaaaaaaaaaay#
#'Til I Tell You Who's Whoooooooooooooo#
#You Know Why?#The arena is plunged into darkness, before white spotlights search through the crowd - finally coming to a rest by the ramp. The flash of a blade draws attention to the entrance curtains, just as a scythe cuts them down. The XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion steps out into the arena, his appearance triggering a surge of pyro. Red and orange fireworks cast the middle age European in a light that is reminiscent of hell.
#Cos I'm The Big Bad Wolf#
#(What You Say)#
#I'm The Big Bad Wolf#
#(What You Say)#
#I'm The Big Bad Wolf#The XHF Devil’s appearance sparks a steady stream of garbage to be tossed at the entranceway. The former SWAT commissioner just bats the crap away.
#And I'm Blowing Down Your Neighbourhood#Zoran uses the steps to enter the ring, greeted by a barrage of red and white streamers. As the Final Boss centers himself, a second volley of pyro is set off.
#I SAID#
#AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#Unfastening the JHC, Sainovic starts to hand it to referee O.B. O’Brian – only to be hit in the back of the neck with a double axe-handle chop. He winces like that stung but doesn’t move. A second double axe-handle with some weight behind it knocks Zoran into the ropes – where Lord Dominicus goes to town with a series of elbow strikes to keep him off balance.
DING! DING! DING!Torchwood: That dastardly Lord Dominicus attacking before the bell-
Tucker: Good.
Fulton: Not so sure how good that is. It might have been in LD’s best interest to let O’Brian pat Zoran down for weapons first.
Tucker: Damn it.
Torchwood: Don’t look so down, Jeremy. I doubt O’Brian would have been able to find all his weapons anyway.
Trying to turn around, but having his body worked over kidney shots that make it difficult – eventually Zoran has what looks like a switchblade shoot out of his sleeve. The appearance of the weapon causes Dominicus to takes a few steps back, quick to complain to the referee. No one likes a tattletale. Flicking a button on the handle, rather than a blade, a comb shoots out. Sainovic uses the mock-weapon to slick back his hair, before throwing it at the audience. He probably breaks some kids’ nose. Cardi B eat your heart out. Having made himself look presentable, Sainovic turns his icy glare to Dominicus – like they can finally begin.
Torchwood: Dominicus getting a lot of really stiff shots in, but Sainovic acting like they were nothing. The mind games begin!
Tucker: If that POS Zoran is throwing away his weapons, and actually treating this like a wrestling match, than the mind games started a long time ago.
Fulton: That’s right! Lord Dominicus made a big point about the shifty bastard only being able to use weapons to win, so if he’s actually trying to wrestle? Then LD got under his skin! ...like a rash.
The two super villains circle each other while the crowd chants “Boring” to underline how much they hate both. The two finally lock up with Zoran quickly overpowering the smaller man into a headlock. Lord Dominicus throws an elbow strike to the back to loosen the hold, then fires Zoran off into the ropes. LD tries to follow up with a shoulder tackle, but Sainovic grounds him, and reapplies the headlock. Irritated by this, Dominicus again uses the elbow to loosen, and fires Zoran off. This time Dominicus charges back into the ropes, rebounds, the two men charging towards each other – Zoran going for a closeline, but LD turns it into an armdrag takedown. As Sainovic quickly gets back up to his feet, it is now Dominicus that applies the headlock. Two can play at this pissing contest! Only Zoran reaches up and grabs the wrist...
Torchwood: Lord Dominicus showing his superior speed gets the better of that exchange, and applying a headlock of his- no, Zoran with a belly-to-back suplex! Rolling through for another!
Repeatedly being dropped on his neck, Lord Dominicus tries to break the hold – but Zoran hangs onto the wrist, using the headlock to keep rolling through. A third, then forth-makeshift belly-to-back suplex is hit before the fifth one is bridged into a pin.
Torchwood: Dominicus still trying to free his arm from Zoran’s neck, and being taken for a ride, but the champion forcing it into pin – 1 – 2!
Before the three count, LD drives his heel down – the awkward angle allowing for a pretty vicious low blow, which comfortable breaks the hold. The crowd applaud the recently local wrestler for this piece of genital violence. As Zoran Sainovic holds his groin in pain, like Ernest Borgnine in that film: man getting hit by football, LD staggers back up to his feet. Holding his neck in pain, Dominicus is quick to take out his frustrations with a running punt to the side of Zoran’s head. SMACK!
Fulton: That’ll leave a mark.
Tucker: It’ll be an improvement.
Seeing how effective that kick was, and appreciating the crowd support, Dominicus goes back to the well! Only on the second kick attempt, Zoran grabs his ankle! Oh no! The larger man twists it, trying to take LD over with a drop toehold – but Dominicus kicks the hand away, then hits a standing senton! That seems to knock the wind out of Zoran. Jumping into the ropes, Dominicus comes off with a springboard moonsault. It gets a 1 count, before LD gets off Zoran, pointing at the far corner.
Torchwood: Lord Dominicus pointing to the top turnbuckle- going for highflying moves certainly seems like the smart move. It’s the area where he excels, whereas trading strikes is not going to end well- here he goes-
No sooner does Lord Dominicus get to the top rope, posing for the audience that really hates his showboating – then Zoran springs to life. Before LD can leap off the corner, Zoran catches him with a jumping forearm smash. Sainovic seems to angle the direction of LD’s descent-
Torchwood: WAIT! Dominicus knocked off the to-
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#SMASH#The REAL Lord is sent crashing through the announce position. Taking out the table, and at least one of the announcers... the audio is broken up.
Fulton: ...re... ou... ight... sir art...
Torchwood: ...ust... a... eshwoun...
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#SMASH#Before Torchwood can dust himself off, Zoran comes off the apron with a running senton, which further knocks broken table and broken Dominicus into Torchwood, knocking him out.
Tucker: ...moth... ker...
Tucker and Fulton check on Torchwood, while letting out a vulgarity laced stream at Sainovic. O.B. O’Brian starts a ten count. 1. For his part, Zoran seems disappointed that it was Torchwood that took the bulk of the “accident.” 2. Trying to remove LD from the busted table, Zoran seems to be ignorant to the fact that he’s standing on wood shards that are on top of Dominicus’ legs – so he might be doing more damage than help. 3. Coming too, a defiant Dominicus fires off an elbow strike into Sainovic’s gut. 4. Shaking his head, Zoran grabs Dominicus by the mask, steps off the legs, and starts dragging him away from the scene of the crime. 5. LD’s legs actually have large slivers of wood from the table sticking out of them. The duo get about twelve feet from the table wreckage, with LD clinging to his face to keep Zoran from ripping his mask off, before Zoran pulls him into a swinging neck breaker on the floor. 6. Finding the protective matting absorbing too much of the impact, Zoran kicks back the padding. 7. Concrete floor exposed, Zoran hits a tombstone piledriver – spiking LD’s head off the concrete. 8. Legs twitch, but Zoran is confident that is just Dominicus’ soul trying to escape his pulped body.
Fulton: an... you he... me?
Tucker: Yeah I got you.
Fulton: We’re back. And poor Sir Arthur has been taken out by that miserable son of a bitch, Sainovic!
Tucker: Technically Dominicus.
Fulton: He clearly pointed LD at us like a missile! Paramedics taking Torchwood to the back, and you know what this means?
Tucker: We’re actually going to have to call this match?
Fulton: WE’RE ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE TO CALL THIS (bleep)ING MATCH.
Tucker: (bleep).
As O.B. gets to a 9 count, Zoran viciously throws the possibly dead Dominicus under the bottom rope. Before the ten rings out, Zoran follows him in, hooking a leg.
Tucker: What a travesty. Under that mask, LD’s skull may be caved in. The pin is merely a formality-
ONE!
TWO!
THR- NO!
Fulton: HE’S STILL UNFORTUNATELY IN IT!
Tucker: I don’t know where Dominicus found the energy to kick out of that; maybe he just has a death wish?
Looking annoyed, Sainovic decides to punish LD for his fighting spirit with a high angled SPIKED gutwrench suplex. The leg is once again hooked.
Fulton: There’s the PAIN – and as much as I hate to call it, at least it will be putting us out of ours. There’s the cover...
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREE-
The crowd cheer.
Tucker: Wait, what?
O.B. O’Brian stops his count, distracted by the SWAT Ultimate Champion who has somehow managed to perch on the ring apron. The crowd cheer hard for Dinosaur Bones, delighted to finally have a face in the match.
Fulton: Lord Dominicus’ trusty stead on the ring apron. We saw Bones assist Dominicus last legacy, and get stabbed for it – will lightning strike twice.
Giving up on his cover, Sainovic goes to confront to meddlesome dracolich – only before he can punch Bones off the apron, the beast leaps out of harms way.
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#SMACK#
While turning in midair, Bones hits Sainovic on the temple with a BRUTAL tail shot. The crowd scream their delight as the former commissioner’s eyes roll back in his head, and he collapses to the canvas.
Fulton: DINOSAUR BONES with that tail manages to knock Sainovic out cold.
Tucker: Don’t sound so incensed Fulton, its nice to see someone in this contest get some offence other than that weasel Dominicus or rat bastard Sainovic.
Fulton: Apparently O.B. missed the tail shot, because both men out, and he’s now giving them a ten count.
1. 2. Suddenly an arm shoots up, then drops on the other’s chest.
Fulton: Lord Dominicus digging deep, and somehow making the cover-
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-
Tucker: Sainovic with a foot in the ropes. Slow count ref!
Leaning on the apron, Dinosaur Bones slams tiny t-rex fists on the canvas trying to will the Dark Lord on. The two slowly get up, using the ropes to help shaky legs. Staggering over, LD uses his freehand to hit a
LOUD knife-edge chop.
SLAP! WOO! Scowling, Sainovic answers it with a forearm smash.
SMACK! BOO!
SLAP! WOO!
SMACK! BOO!
SLAP! WOO!
SMACK! BOO!
SLAP! WOO!
SMACK! BOO!
SLAP! WOO!
SMACK! BOO!
SLAP! WOO!
SMACK! BOO!
SLAP! WOO!
SMACK! BOO!
Fulton: Trading shots! And listening to those strikes, I’d say the ropes were the only thing keeping them upright.
Tucker: Both of them excel at submission holds, but Dominicus is the traditional junior high flyer, while Sainovic has the track record for hard hits. Going punch for punch is the worst thing that LD can do for himself- and normally I’d enjoy seeing him mashed up, but not when it’s the commissioner doing the mashing.
Fulton: After that BEEF match, it seems like Dominicus wants to show the XHF, and certainly WUK, that he can go pound for pound with anyone...
Tucker: Well he should redominithink that stance. Zoran dropped twenty pounds to become a junior, but he’s still on the large side of them – there is a forty-pound difference between these two...
SLAP! WOO! Before Zoran can once again answer this chop, Dominicus uses his superior speed to hit a dick punch. O.B. O’Brian was so cut up in the repetitive striking that he apparently missed this glitch in the matrix. Lord Dominicus raises his arms in victory, like getting two shots in makes him the winner. Sainovic answers this low blow with a frustrated growl, and a hellacious closeline which knocks LD over the top rope to the apron. Confident that he’s sent LD for a nasty spill, Zoran takes a few steps away, trying to walk off the brutal nut right hook.
Fulton: It’s a good thing that Zoran believes in adoption-
Tucker: O.B. seems more blind than usual.
Fulton: He isn’t going to cost the WUK a global title on a lame disqualification.
Zoran turns back to the ropes, just as Lord Dominicus slingshots himself back in with an elbow strike that catches the champion on the jaw. Sainovic tries to get back to his feet quickly, but moves right into a tornado bulldog. Trying to ground the champion, LD applies a camel clutch. O.B. O’Brian asks if Zoran submits, and the look he gets causes the referee to take a few steps back. With the referee not paying as close attention, Lord Dominicus fishhooks the mouth.
Tucker: That’s more like it – rearrange that evil Serbian’s face into a smile!
Fulton: Use your evil impulses for good, for a change!
The GOOFY like scream suggests that putting fingers in Zoran’s mouth was a bad idea. After a solid twenty seconds, when it seems like most people’s digits would have bit clean off – Lord Dominicus finally lets go of the camel clutch, just trying to retrieve his hand. Zoran holds onto the chomp. Bringing up knees, dropping elbows, somehow practicing enough yoga to get feet to the jaw – LD desperately tries to pry the champion off his hand. Finally O.B. O’Brian bluffs a five count. 1. 2. 3. 4. When Zoran unclenches his jaw, Dominicus is sent falling a good four feet back. Holding up his hand, LD finds the part of the glove that was covering his index finger is has been torn clean off. Though caked in blood, the digit is intact. Thank goodness for gloves.
Fulton: The commissioner again showing himself to be more animal than wrestler.
Tucker: I hope LD has his rabies shots.
Lord Dominicus shakes his hand, hoping to numb the pain, then stops, seeing all eyes on him. Making an open palm with his bloody hand, Dominicus gestures for Zoran to bring it. It’s uncharacteristically badass, and the disgruntled crowd find themselves popping despite themselves.
Fulton: Both men charging each other again – HARVESTER! Dominicus with the presence of mind to leapfrog over it, comes back with a spinning heel kick of his own!
As Zoran goes down, Dominicus tries to go for a liontamer – but as he reaches down for the legs, Sainovic mule kicks him off. Both men are quickly up to their feet, with Sainovic charging in with a Pressure Point – but Dominicus rolling under. Both men run into the ropes, but a small T-rex arm trips Zoran. The distraction is enough for Dominicus to hit a shining wizard!
Fulton: SHINING WIZARD with authority! Zoran down, and Dominicus with the leg-
ONE!
TWO!
THR-
Foot in the ropes!
Dinosaur Bones tries to push the foot off the ropes before O’Brian sees, but Sainovic ends up swinging the other leg over to catch the dracolich in the nose. Quick to follow-up on his downed opponent, Lord Dominicus tries to apply a surfboard stretch, but Zoran straight up punches him in the nose.
Tucker: CLOSED FIST! What match are you watching, ref?
Blood, probably from the concrete piledriver, starts to seep through Dominicus’ mask, making his shrouded face appear quite crimson. LD complains to the referee about the legality of the closed fist. For his part, Zoran notices some blood on his own face. A single line of blood runs from Sainovic’s forehead down the left side of his face, right down to his jaw.
Fulton: Zoran busted open too! He seems a little surprised, but Dominicus has wood sticking out of his leg from our table. Probably drove it into the champion’s face with that wizard.
Tucker: It’s an improvement if you ask me.
Fulton: Sainovic lucky that Dominicus didn’t take his eye out with those sharp wood laced legs.
As LD continue to complain that his nose is broken, Dinosaur Bones climbs up on the ring apron again, ready to pounce. The audience can hardly contain their excitement. That’s a tell. Incredibly pissed off about how close the scar is to his eye, Zoran spins around and knocks the big brute off the apron with a pressure point. This time he ducks the tail. Realizing that the tide is turning, Dominicus starts to use the referee as a human shield – but Sainovic just reaches over O.B.’s shoulder and grabs the part of the mask where LD’s nose should be. If Dominicus thought he was in pain before, Zoran squeezes the proboscis hard enough to bring LD to his knees. Dominicus fires off chops, but Zoran just keeps twisting.
Fulton: Zoran looking to tear that mask clean off, but by the time he does, will Lord Dominicus be recognizable? Like if LD’s Venom under the hood, will he look like fire victim El Combantiante instead?
Tucker: The monster recently plucked Copy Cat’s eye out, and he LIKED Copy Cat. Does anyone like Lord Dominicus? Could be way worse damage here.
LD gets a foot on the ropes, prompting O.B. to get involved with a five count. O’Brian puts so much energy into remembering what number comes after three that he misses Lord Dominicus hitting ANOTHER Dick Punch. It was 4! And ANOTHER Dick Punch finally gets Zoran to let go. Fighting through the blinding pain, LD nails a dropkick to the knee – then pushes off towards the corner.
Fulton: Dominicus freeing himself, and coming off the corner- FLYING LEG LARIAT!
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Wanting no part of the wooden slab sticking out of Dominicus’ leg, Zoran manages to duck it, instead catching LD in the air.
Tucker: UGH. Gorilla Press to the outside-
The Final Boss tosses The Dark Lord right at the Dread Lord.
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Dinosaur Bones “catches” Lord Dominicus with his mouth! The crowd cheer expecting WUK's VantaBlack Savior to get eaten! HEEL TURN! Rather than eat his friend, Dinosaur Bones instead swings his head, tossing Lord Dominicus back into the ring!
Lord Dominicus: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-
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Psyche! Rather than flying right into a Zoran ass kicking, Lord Dominicus instead manages to catch the older man with some headscissors! Zoran is thrown to the ground, and the blood spurting out of his neck suggests that LD may have caught a vein with his splinter attachments. Incensed at the blood, Zoran is quickly up and charges right into a-
Fulton: HURICANRANA and the legs are hooked-
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tucker: Damn it, shoulder up!
Lord Dominicus starts to go for the Domini-Lock, but Sainovic pushes him off with a Pressure Point. Grabbing LD’s legs, Sainovic’s starts to go for The Clearing, but before he can whip Dominicus into the guard rail, the smaller man again manages to grab the top rope! Zoran tries to tighten his grasp to muscle through, but the blood from his nose yanking stunt makes his hands slippery. Soon Dominicus adjusts his grip, and pulling the legs out, starts to go for a flying armbar!
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Fulton: FLYING ARMBAR! THIS COULD-
Before the two men can hit the canvas, Zoran pushes through the grip, and turns it into The Mow Down. Admittedly, the awkward nature of the grasp makes this weaker, but it sill succeeds in shaking Dominicus loose. No quit in him, Lord Dominicus tries to fight out of the corner with a European Uppercut. As Zoran staggers back, LD leaps into the ropes, then comes off with a-
Fulton: DEMON’S INVERT- NO! Sainovic reversing it into a- I can’t be bothered to learn that bastards’ moves.
It was a Balachko Driver.
Tucker: And follows it with a... damn.
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Tucker: THE REVOLVER CONNECTS!
ONE!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE?
Before the three count, a fan runs into the ring breaking it up. The camera quickly cuts to a shot of the crowd, not wanting to give this bad behaviour a venue. Also, it’s easier for security to rough the crap out of the unwanted element.
Fulton: I don’t want to see Zoran win either, but we have to trust the Dark Lord to get it done.
Tucker: Whether you like the action in the ring or not, its important for fans to stay on the other side of the guardrail. Don’t you think me and Fulton want to be in there attacking that subhuman creep too? And we have FAR stronger reasons than the knucklehead that just ran in.
Rather than call a disqualification, O.B. O’Brian lets the action continue. While Zoran watches security rearrange the fan’s face, Dinosaur Bones throws something to Lord Dominicus under the bottom rope.
Fulton: Wait what was that?
Tucker: Don’t worry about it Fulton, I just hope the Dark Lord knocks the Final Boss into oblivion.
Zoran Sainovic turns just in time to...
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Eat the Midnight Claw gauntlet.
Fulton: THE VANTABLACK PUNCH!
Zoran Sainovic dies.
Tucker: HE DID IT! THE DASTARDLY SON OF A BITCH DID IT!
Lord Dominicus tosses the Midnight Claw back to Bones, drapping himself across Zoran for the win.
Fulton: You could count to a hundred, no one is getting up from that, and here comes O’Brian-
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tucker: Oh come on!
Before the three count, the camera once again has to cut to the audience to avoid advertising a fan that has hopped the guardrail to get involved in the match. Fucking Texans.
Fulton: NO! WUK had a global title!
Tucker: Apparently the audience really does hate the Dark Lord as much as Zoran Sainovic. I can appreciate that – but DON’T JUMP THE GUARDRAIL! That idiot may have just cost us the strap!
Security have their work cut out from them, violently beating up two teenagers. Confident that he can still get a three count because Zoran is selling the VantaBlack Punch! like death, Dominicus goes for the pin again.
Fulton: Another pin by the Real Lord-
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THRE-kickout.
Tucker: That isn’t right! THE DARK LORD WAS SCREWED!
Getting back up, a frustrated LD starts to stomp away at Sainovic. Again, Zoran almost catches an ankle. Putting some distance between the two, Dominicus answers this toehold attempt with a baseball slide that sends the champion falling out of the ring to the floor. Specifically the part that no longer has padding. Irony is a dick. O.B. O’Brian starts a ten count, but Dominicus distracts him for a certain dracolich to leave an impression. The crowd cheer their heads off as Bones starts to stalk after his prey.
Fulton: Here comes Bones, and that bastard Zoran is finally going to get what’s coming to-
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Seeing the large shadow on the floor, Zoran turns and buries some brass knuckles into Dinosaur Bones gut. The impact is so hard, that the dracolich doubles over and belches up his lunch.
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Trekker falls out of Dinosaur Bones mouth – fortunately she has the DB Crystal Skull on her, which she promptly splits Zoran’s forehead open with.
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A second Crystal Skull breaker doesn’t land, as Zoran rolls under it. Grabbing Trekker by the hair, The Final Boss judo flips her head first into the open maw of Dinosaur Bones. The dracolich starts to flail around choking as Trekker’s legs kick around. Fortunately Trekker’s Star Fleet uniform is from the TNG days, so there are no up skirt shots.
Tucker: How is O’Brian missing the Bad to the Bone crew hijinks?
Fulton: The Real Lord performing card tricks or DominiMagic as he calls it.
With Bones in trouble, Lord Dominicus stops distracting the referee. The legs finally disappear, with the DB champion returning to her away mission – but an exhausted DB is no longer in any shape to cause a distraction. Reaching through the ropes, LD grabs a fistful of Zoran’s hair – only to be knocked off with a pressure point. Trying to pinch his scalp in place, Zoran makes his way back into the ring.
Fulton: This has been an absolute war – and if you mainly tuned in to watch these two men torture one another.
Tucker: As we did-
Fulton: Mission accomplished.
The two men charge at one another again – with Zoran again going for a pressure point, but Dominicus getting more reach with a boot to the midsection. As Sainovic doubles over, his forehead flapping open again, LD pulls him into a tornado DDT! Only in midrotation, Sainovic spins it out into a guillotine choke-
Tucker: Ugh.
Fulton: I’m not calling it.
Rolling around on the canvas, Sainovic has his Conditionizer locked in. The former SWAT Commissioner’s finisher is enough for the crowd to start hurling garbage at the ring again, only as O.B. O’Brian asks LD if he submits, Lord Dominicus manages to stick his feet out, stopping the spin, and bridging into a makeshift cover.
Tucker: Lord Dominicus somehow managed to get Zoran’s shoulders down!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE-
Fulton: No, Zoran lets go of the Conditionizer to break the pin.
Before Zoran can recover, LD hits another woodchip assisted shining wizard! SMACK! As Zoran goes down hard, Dominicus gestures for The Darkness.
Tucker: Could this be?
Fulton: THE DARKNESS!
The crowd cheer despite themselves, more for WUK than for LD who is the worst thing to happen to WUK. Only just as Dominicus starts to hit the sliced bread, a claw reaches out and grabs the wood sticking out of his leg - Zoran yanking him into an inside cradle.
Fulton: Ugh- INSIDE CRADLE!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE?
Fulton: Dominicus shifting the weight into an inside cradle of his own-
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THRE-
Tucker: Damn it, Zoran shifting the weight back, and pressing his larger size - this is the kind of technical wrestling I expecting from these two at the start-
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE?
Fistful of tights.
DING! DING! DING!There are loud beeping sounds, though which announcer is being censored remains to be seen.
Tucker: Wait - what? Dominicus had him! Zoran was flounder, only went to the canvas cause he knew he couldn't take The Darkness!
Fulton: Over the last two years – Zoran Sainovic has won the Rumble, Cruiserfest, End of Days, and the X*Crown twice... all while Lord Dominicus was tearing it up as a race car driver. LD stepped back into the ring after a fairly consistent sabbatical and went toe to toe with the miserable bastard. And honestly, if Zoran hadn’t cheated at the end – WUK would have the junior heavyweight title. I hate the Dark Lord and all he stands for, but he did right by Wrestle United Kingdom tonight.
Tucker: We were robbed.
The camera pans over to Frank Salazar for the official announcement, only to be waved off. Salazar is not in the mood. Instead the audience tell viewers at home who the winner was, tossing garbage at a celebrating Final Boss. Zoran raises the title belt, soaking in the rancid hotdogs being tossed his way like he was able to eat them – while Lord Dominicus complains to O.B. O’Brian about a fast count.
Fulton: Fast count, fistful of tights? We have a laundry list of complaints just setting up a rematch.
Without warning, Zoran rams the title into Dominicus’ head – knocking him out. Before Sainovic can do further damage, referee O.B. O’Brian snatches the title away from him. Oh that is going to be a beating.
Tucker: Couldn’t get it properly done in the match, so attacks after the bell? Some things never change – like Zoran being a piece of-
While Zoran and O.B. argue, a second Dominicus – who is much larger – comes out from under the ring. This Dominicus tosses THE REAL LORD under the bottom rope, before taking a prone position on the canvas.
Fulton: Playing possum? I bet its Florida Man!
Retrieving his belt, Zoran turns back to the downed Dark Lord.
Zoran Sainovic: Let’s see who he really is!
Tucker: He wouldn’t-
Pocketknife in hand, Sainovic slashes off some ropes on the back. Grabbing a fistful of mask, Zoran starts to yank – this larger Dominicus tries to hang on, and in the struggle is brought up to his feet. With one final pull, Zoran yanks it off-
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And the Final Boss’ face turns pale.
Tucker: IT’S DONZIG!
Before Zoran can react, the fake Dominicus – Donzig – buries a boot in his gut. Sainovic doubles over in pain.
Fulton: You know what’s coming next-
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Tucker: STUNNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The force of the stunner is enough to knock Sainovic back. The Junior Champion wishing he had the extra weight, as he flops backwards through the ropes to the floor. The crowd lose their shit as Sainovic twitches like Apollo Creed on the floor. Donzig just stomps around in the ring talking shit, while the crowd euphoniously chant: “WUK!” “WUK!” “WUK!” “WUK!”
Tucker: The crowd are alive!
Fulton: They finally have someone to cheer-
Grabbing the JHC off the canvas, Donzig whips it down with enough force that it hits Zoran hard on the chest. Retrieving his title on the outside, the champion sneers at the ring, spitting curses as the WUK franchise. Donzig is more than happy to return to hate speech, ignorant to another participant who doesn’t appreciate his threads being stolen.
Tucker: Here comes The REAL Lord Dominicus-
Fulton: Wait, Donzig turns and sees-
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
The feel good WUK moment ends quickly, as Dominicus lays Donzig out with a Midnight Claw shot. Before Zoran can think about going for a second round, Dinosaur Bones joins Lord Dominicus in the ring. LD climbs on top of his faithful stead, who in turn stands on top of Donzig.
Tucker: Now Dominicus and his freak show partner striking a pose on top of the bloodied Donzig.
Fulton: Remind me to stop letting Lord Dominicus into my heart, because just when he starts to win me over, he immediately reminds me he’s a dick.
Dominicus and Bones stand on top of Donzig, with LD motioning at his waist and pointing to Zoran’s belt. Like it’s coming home soon.
Tucker: The crowd is now throwing more garbage at Dominicus than they were at Zoran.
Fulton: It’s an emotional rollercoaster... of hate.
From out of the back Wesley Crane stands on the entranceway, starring daggers at Lord Dominicus. While the WUK stars stare each other down, Zoran Sainovic decides to exit through the audience – knife in hand. A lot more blood is going to be spilled tonight.
Tucker: What is Crane doing here?
Fulton: I don’t know – but he’s looking at The REAL Lord like he was something he found on the bottom of his shoe! It is absolute bedlam in Houston, but fans, we are out of time!
Not wanting to show Zoran slicing up WUK fans, the final shot is of Crane and Lord Dominicus exchanging looks.
