Post by flo on Sept 12, 2023 2:34:01 GMT -5
A green dwarf tries to shoot a roman candle at a rat that is hiding behind a microwave, only to miss and set the magazine section on fire.
As a clerk whose nametag reads "Melvin" attempts to put out the burning car porn with a slushee because the fire extinguisher is just for show, the can only be...
711.
Nametag Melvin:
When you said you were a certified exterminator-
Doors slide open.
Florida Man:
Put down the mustard gas, Gaz. I got us a gig!
Too late, Gazoo has already pulled the pin. The dwarf tosses the fuming canister away, except his arms are short, and it doesn't travel far. The poor clerk poisons himself while trying to remove the dangerous chemical spray.
Gazoo:
About time, where we at Flo?
Florida Man:
CAR!
Gazoo:
You can drive?
Florida Man:
Can I drive? Please Gaz, I remember learning like it was yesterday-
YESTERDAY.
Florida Man looks at the J-RoK bookings on the clerk's phone.
Florida Man:
Fucking Nausicaa. This is worse than that bastard, Kira. I'm going to run them over with a steamroller!
Gazoo:
For the last time, you need a license to operate that!
Florida Man (throwing phone at the ceiling):
THEN I'LL GO GET ONE, FASCIST!
The Floridian stomps off.
NameTag Melvin:
What about the rats?
Florida Man:
Gaz has you covered, Nametag Melvin. ...Unless he makes them more dangerous by forcing them to get certified.
The DMV.
No one said there would be a written component!
Florida Man looks down at his physical test. Then tries to copy the answers of the people sitting around him...
1. How will your vehicle respond to poker chips being flung.
Florida Man draws a picture of him holding baskets out his window. There are dollar signs in his eyes.
2. Dialog from you racers as they cross the card bridge.
Florida Man draws a picture of Death Trap with a dialogue bubble "my hat iz dumbz" - there are also stink marks.
3. Dialog from your racers regarding the go go girls.
Florida Man draws a picture of naked ladies - then himself paying too much attention to them and running over Kira. The pain is so bad, Kira pisses his pants. Also there are stink marks.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
The drawing sees Florida Man driving a monster truck over Sky Force.
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
The drawing shows the country of Florida dropping an atomic bomb on the rest of the world.
Finishing his written test WAY FASTER than the other contestants, Florida Man wanders out into the hallway - walking right into a familiar Japanese man.
Florida Man:
Moves like that, and I don't like your chances on the road.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(Actually I am here to recruit a driver for my CAR team.)"
Florida Man (pretending to read the subtitles):
What a coincidence - imma driver.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(But Florida Man, you already have a contract with J-RoK, you cannot be in two XHF affiliates.)"
Florida Man (putting his finger under his nose like a fake moustache):
You is mistaken. I'm not Florida Man, my name is Man Darino.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(You're hired!)"
The bitter rivals shake hands.
Florida Man:
Good to be- WAIT! Aren't you Ozawa? You're in GUNS, you can't be in two-
Rival Recruiter Ozawa (holding hand over one eye like it was an eye patch):
"(Not at all, you are mistaken. I am somebody else. My name is Ozawa.)"
The two hated enemies hug.
Florida Man:
Good to know you pal!
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(I look forward to working with you.)"
The Present.
Gazoo:
So did you pass the test, Flo?
Florida Man:
Don't sweat the details, Gaz. We finally have regular employment on the XHF Network. Let's blow this rat infested dive-
Nametag Melvin:
You released the rats so I'd hie you to exterminate them-
Florida Man (hopping on the Ultimate Warrior and ignoring Melvin):
And haul ass to CAR!
Gazoo joins the Epcot Mafia, leaving Nametag Melvin to his mustard gas.
As a clerk whose nametag reads "Melvin" attempts to put out the burning car porn with a slushee because the fire extinguisher is just for show, the can only be...
711.
Nametag Melvin:
When you said you were a certified exterminator-
Doors slide open.
Florida Man:
Put down the mustard gas, Gaz. I got us a gig!
Too late, Gazoo has already pulled the pin. The dwarf tosses the fuming canister away, except his arms are short, and it doesn't travel far. The poor clerk poisons himself while trying to remove the dangerous chemical spray.
Gazoo:
About time, where we at Flo?
Florida Man:
CAR!
Gazoo:
You can drive?
Florida Man:
Can I drive? Please Gaz, I remember learning like it was yesterday-
YESTERDAY.
Florida Man looks at the J-RoK bookings on the clerk's phone.
Florida Man:
Fucking Nausicaa. This is worse than that bastard, Kira. I'm going to run them over with a steamroller!
Gazoo:
For the last time, you need a license to operate that!
Florida Man (throwing phone at the ceiling):
THEN I'LL GO GET ONE, FASCIST!
The Floridian stomps off.
NameTag Melvin:
What about the rats?
Florida Man:
Gaz has you covered, Nametag Melvin. ...Unless he makes them more dangerous by forcing them to get certified.
The DMV.
No one said there would be a written component!
Florida Man looks down at his physical test. Then tries to copy the answers of the people sitting around him...
1. How will your vehicle respond to poker chips being flung.
Florida Man draws a picture of him holding baskets out his window. There are dollar signs in his eyes.
2. Dialog from you racers as they cross the card bridge.
Florida Man draws a picture of Death Trap with a dialogue bubble "my hat iz dumbz" - there are also stink marks.
3. Dialog from your racers regarding the go go girls.
Florida Man draws a picture of naked ladies - then himself paying too much attention to them and running over Kira. The pain is so bad, Kira pisses his pants. Also there are stink marks.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
The drawing sees Florida Man driving a monster truck over Sky Force.
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
The drawing shows the country of Florida dropping an atomic bomb on the rest of the world.
Finishing his written test WAY FASTER than the other contestants, Florida Man wanders out into the hallway - walking right into a familiar Japanese man.
Florida Man:
Moves like that, and I don't like your chances on the road.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(Actually I am here to recruit a driver for my CAR team.)"
Florida Man (pretending to read the subtitles):
What a coincidence - imma driver.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(But Florida Man, you already have a contract with J-RoK, you cannot be in two XHF affiliates.)"
Florida Man (putting his finger under his nose like a fake moustache):
You is mistaken. I'm not Florida Man, my name is Man Darino.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(You're hired!)"
The bitter rivals shake hands.
Florida Man:
Good to be- WAIT! Aren't you Ozawa? You're in GUNS, you can't be in two-
Rival Recruiter Ozawa (holding hand over one eye like it was an eye patch):
"(Not at all, you are mistaken. I am somebody else. My name is Ozawa.)"
The two hated enemies hug.
Florida Man:
Good to know you pal!
Rival Recruiter Ozawa:
"(I look forward to working with you.)"
The Present.
Gazoo:
So did you pass the test, Flo?
Florida Man:
Don't sweat the details, Gaz. We finally have regular employment on the XHF Network. Let's blow this rat infested dive-
Nametag Melvin:
You released the rats so I'd hie you to exterminate them-
Florida Man (hopping on the Ultimate Warrior and ignoring Melvin):
And haul ass to CAR!
Gazoo joins the Epcot Mafia, leaving Nametag Melvin to his mustard gas.