First Day [Zoran for Sainovic & Son - Annihilator 01]

[mosler]

School.

Early September. Parents stand around the sidewalk, seeing off their children for the start of a new school year. The younger ones put on waterworks. More than one adult has to guide their child into the classroom, in the hopes that it eases anxiety.

Entering the second grade, Oliver knows what he is getting himself into... but the nerves are still there.

Placing a warm hand on his son's shoulder, Zoran Sainovic gives the boy supportive advice. There is still a waver. If they need to wait, they will. With the appearance of a friend, the crisis passes, Oliver happily running off with only a half glance. Sainovic still waits until the child enters the building, then turns away - paternal warmth melting away into an icy stare as he spots the camera. Adjusting his tie, The Final Boss crosses the street - gesturing with his hand to frame the school out.

Zoran Sainovic:

I take it ze announcement has been made?

Jim Smalls:

They just released the line-up...

The XHF videographer hands over a piece of paper. Looking down, Zoran inspects the Annihilator tournament. After a moment, Sainovic places the paper in his pocket, before turning his attention to the camera.

Zoran Sainovic:

Keep it tight.

The school bell rings.

Jim Smalls:

We can go to another neighbourhood, if you wan-

Zoran Sainovic:

No. It appears I have a flight to catch... so no time like ze present.

The image zooms in for a close-up that makes junior champion look large, despite his horrible diet.

Zoran Sainovic:

Good morning XHF, it appears zat ze team of Sainovic & Son will be dealing with Bull & Bird in ze first round of ze Annihilator. A battle of ze ampersands!

Thin lips creep into a cold smile.

Zoran Sainovic:

Grant. Joaquin. Welcome to ze XHF! I understand ze two of you have been hazing your sister over in W:UK... but haven't really done much actual wrestling in your short time here? So our match will basically be your first day? Talk about a trial by fire. I'm sure you two have quite ze pedigree in ze independents, you wouldn't be called up here otherwise... but to join ze Network and immediately face two men with four X*Crown reigns between zem? Zat is intense. No need to be nervous. You boys come from a wrestling family? Zat is very touching. Trying to follow in your old man's footsteps and take up zis sport as a profession - zat is truly commendable. ...I can tell we are going to get along.

You two probably have early memories of watching your father wrestle. Zat is fantastic.  Probably ze first wrestling you ever watched, am I right? You were probably worried for his safety, but he held his own, so it wasn't TOO traumatic, right? How moving.  Brings a tear to my eye.

Yeah Van Zants, one look at ze two of you, and I can tell you have wrestling in your veins.

When you were kids... do you remember watching ze weekend wrestling shows? You know, ze ones zat weren't really considered flagship, zat mainly used clips to promote upcoming events, but did include a few squashes to claim original content? So a star you'd like... like say your father... would be wrestling against some local guy... nondescript name, nondescript appearance, little offence, and what was presented wasn't too flashy. A wristlock perhaps?  Maybe it was a glorified dark match deal to see if ze forgettable guy could look like a professional, check out his contract prospects. Zough even if zey were going to use him down ze line, its not like ze hopeful had ever seen ze inside of a gym.  Only reason he was on television was for ze star to look good...

You ever watch one of zose cavalcade of squash shows, and zink fat ze local guy....... had a snowballs chance in hell?

The smile fades.

Zoran Sainovic:

Jaoquin, Grant, I mention zose boring one sided squashes because... you two are ze nondescript jobbers in zis scenario. You bring absolutely NOTHING to zis contest. You aren't ze plucky underdogs zat ze audience roots for against impossible odds. You might be a million to one to win, but zat doesn't make you sympathetic. Zose viewers zat are familiar with your brief WUK appearances, will know you from pushing a misogynistic agenda against your sister... who is also new. She is at least growing her brand, but its in its early stage... so tormenting her does little to build your Network recognition. People who believe in female athletes will recognize your sibling rivalry as coming from a deeply damaged place. Zey may not know your names, but even strangers will spot your serious inferiority complexes. So you are underachieving pigs. If Underachieving Pigs was ze name of your tag team, at least you'd be quirky. Instead you've assigned some random animals to your moniker zat aren't really known for being paired up. Will we figure out where your name comes from? Your prospects as wrestlers are BULL? Your movesets for the BIRDS? Honestly, during ze match - in between spitting up teeth - you might be able to scream to the camera which one of you is a bird... but El Rey gets bored easily, so don't take your time about it.

Bull, Bird... all you are to ze Annihilator is bodies. Meat to grind down. Worse.  Mystery meat.  You are unknown, your appearance is meaningless.  Ze story of ze match is not you proving your worth against us, ze best of ze best. If anyone dares to applaud your hanging on for more zan a minute, I will stab them, because zis isn't about a participation medal. As impressive as a minute would be.  Apparently someone zought zat Zoran Sainovic and El Rey needed a cakewalk, so we could learn how to tag. Like two distinguished singles CHAMPIONS couldn't figure out how to slap hands on ze fly. Will Rey and Zoran get along? Who would even question zat. ...And as STUPID as zat narrative is, it is ze ONLY one zat exists in our little match... because you bring so little to ze proceedings.

Zis pairing is so degrading, I'm shocked Recoba didn't have a hand in ze booking.  Wanting to swallow a gun... fitting for my first guest appearance in Tap Out.

Now you might wonder, why does an opponent so easy it seems like a vacation make you angry, Zoran?

Well.... looking at ze tournament line-up... and Sky Force, Sanctuary, maybe Tooth & Claw surprise me... nah.... Tooth & Claw... all talents zat could at least provide entertaining punching bags, all gone in ze first round. Any of zose would have been fun for us.

Now when El Rey and myself inevitably win ze Annihilator, we will have to put a little asterix next to our victory zat denotes ze substandard competition we had in ze first round. Our Annihiliator win will never stack up to ze victories of past champions like Team Viper, Purple Emperors, Crinkly Bottom Boys or BANG! Hermanos... because of our inferior first round opponents.

...You know, ze same way zat if Steve Awesome or my other son, Death Trap, become a two time End of Day winner, zey'll have to include an asterix zat mentions zey only won because I was busy elsewhere.  El Rey and myself ascending to ze Triple Crown should be a cause for celebration... yet I fail to see what merriment can be derived from destroying worthless nobodies... like yourselves.  I guess you'e performing a service.  You being involved in ze Annihilator meant zat six other teams had a shot at getting out of ze first round, just by virtue of not drawing us.  I hope zey send a zank you card, or get well soon ballon, to ze hospital you'll be staying at... but zat doesn't change ze fact zat you chumps are raining on my parade.  At zis point, me or Rey even pretending one of your weak punches lands would be a KINDNESS... but I'm not sure you deserve such courtesy.  Frankly I don't see us acknowledge any of your offence.  We might just straight mess you two up so badly zat it reflects poorly on your sister zat she had a hard time with you.

See I look at all ze celebrated tag teams zat are currently active on ze Network - GUNZ, Cut Throat Chaos, Crinkly Bottom Boys, Top of ze Class, Ze Epcot Mafia, Oblivion Death Squad, New Age Killers, Dis' N' Griz', Black Knife Cabal, Ze Nihilists, Rage and Cage, Ze Zrow Show, Ze Anointed's A AND B Team, even zose insipid Booze Hounds out of Japan... and I can't help but zink: why is Bull & Bird here?  Even if you zink some zings I've said to you were overly cruel, one zing no one can agree is zat you definitely took a slot belonging to a far more deserving team.  Why everyone in zis tournament is going after a shot at ze ODS, but my understanding is you have zem in your SECOND match.  Talk about failing up.

So school is in.  Welcome to your first day.  

I'd like to tell you zat all zose fears are just in your head, it isn't as bad as you think, and ze butterflies in your stomach will go away.  I'd like nothing more zan to reassure you zat everyone is rooting for you, want nothing but ze best for you, and hope it goes well... I really do.  Only zat would be a lie.  Everyone is actually thinking you bit off more zan you can chew, and are about to choke to death.  Zey are as disgusted by you as I am... zey just aren't as vocal about zis outrage because zey weren't stuck babysitting you.

So I conclusion, you have to crawl before you can walk.... I hope you enjoyed walking, because when me and MY BOY are done with you?  You'll be lucky to crawl again.

Shaking his head in contempt, Zoran turns to the 2023 Kia Carnival he uses to drive Olive to school.  What a family man.

Jim Smalls:

Got it - so where are you flying to, Zoran?

Zoran Sainovic:

Hawaii.

Jim Smalls:

With the fires right now?  What brings you down there?

Zoran Sainovic:

I have to let Rey know zat I signed us up for ze Annihilator.

...Don't act so surprised.

As Zoran drives off to confirm he actually has a partner, the camera pans back to the school.