Post by Rage and Cage on Oct 8, 2023 15:40:08 GMT -5
CCCCCAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU FFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL IIIIIIITTTTTTTTT?
Nicholas H. Cage screams into his phone as he’s live streaming for the High Rollers club fans on Snapchat. He’s in the suite rented by Wesley Crane in London as he takes care of his fellow High Rollers.
Cage: My people, can you feel it? Rage and Cage are finally in the UK to claim our Tag Team titles of WUK! Yeah, they aren’t the XHF tag titles, but those are coming! Take it from me! Before you can be Ghost Rider, you must raise Arizona!
Cage struts into the kitchen where Woke Wesley Rage chugs from a carton of almond milk. With just one drop left in the carton, Rage closes it and stuffs it back in the fridge.
Cage: BRRRRROOOOOOOO! We gettin those belts!
Rage: Fuck yeah! Time’s running out for Disney’s Own Marty Donovan and Florida Man! They better polish the belts, so they look good when we’re holding them up at the end of Battle of Britain!
Cage: Are we the main event?
Rage: Co-main event.
Cage: Oh yeah! Mr. Crane is beating Lord Domino’s Pizza in the other main event!
Rage: And he’ll do it in 30 minutes or less.
Cage: And we’ll only eat DiGiorno’s before the match!
Rage: Sounds good, but we have to be ready. Crane has said that the HRC are WUK. He’s saving WUK’s honor from that interloper, Lord Domino’s Pizza. We have to save the tag titles from the infidels, the Epcot Mafia!
Cage: My dude, IT.IS.ON!
Rage: Where is Crane? He needs to be displaying his leadership!
Cage: He’s back in New York meeting with Old Man Draven.
Rage: Ugh…Draven. Why can’t Crane find a secular mentor? When we win, it’s because we’re fucking awesome! It’s not the will of some sky man.
Cage: And there’s no way the Sky Man will back the Epcot Mafia! They’re all about Disney, and the politicians say that Disney is Satanic!
Rage: Nic, that’s not…ugh…I mean, fuck it. I don’t have the patience for that. I’m ready to stomp anyone from Florida. Tennessee, too. I was watching MSNBC and say a story on a woman running for mayor who was flanked by the Tennessee Active Club, which is a self-identifying Nazi organization!
Cage: You mean, Garbrielle Hanson?
Rage: Who else could I mean? Fuck that bitch and her legion of Nazis! Of course, it’s Tennessee, so she’ll win in a landslide.
Cage: I almost beat up some Nazis in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade! They wanted to replace Harrison Ford with me, but they wouldn’t pay me enough.
Rage: You would have been wonderful, Nic. You’ve been trained by the best Nazi killer in the world: your twin brother!
Cage: I can’t wait to use that in a movie. I did fight the Japanese in USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage.
Rage: I really wish it had been People of Courage.
Cage: I think it was all men on the ship.
Rage: Do you know that for sure? It was the 1940s. Who’s to say how they identified?
Cage: Fair. I can’t speak to that, but I can speak to Epcot Mafia! After BOB, they’ll be identifying as ex-champions!
Rage: Spit that good shit, bro!
Cage: We’re coming for that ass, Epcot Mafia! We will sever the link between Florida Man and Florida. Like cutting Samson’s hair, Florida Man will fall apart without his precious Florida dirt! Once he’s down, we’ll double team DOMD! He won’t stand a chance!
Rage: So, I’ll trust you with Florida Man, even if I’m not sure that’s how he gets his power. What about Disney’s Own Marty Donovan? He’s the only man Crane never beat. That’s a lot of pressure on us.
Cage: Mr. Crane had him beat! DOMD cheated! In The Face!!! is a far superior move to the Dis-Knee!
Rage: Aren’t they the same move?
Cage: Yeah, but Mr. Crane’s sculpted quadriceps and gluteus maximus allows him to generate even more thrust than DOMD! The power of In The Face!!! comes from the legs! DOMD has bony chicken legs! I ain’t scared of no Dis-Knee!
Rage: Wouldn’t that have been a better reference is Disney actually made Ghostbusters or if you starred in Ghostbusters?
Cage: Have you seen all the deleted scenes for Ghostbusters?
Rage: No.
Cage slyly smiles.
Cage: Maybe you should.
Snapchat goes crazy as Cage winks at this phone.
Rage: Okay. Anyway, you’re ready for the Dis-Knee?
Cage: Let him try! Mr. Crane has taught me almost everything about In The Face!!! He only keeps a little secret in case he ever has to use it on me. Still, that’s more than enough to handle Disney’s Own Marty Donovan’s Great Value In The Face!!!
Rage: I would have been okay with Kirkland’s, too.
Cage: More Wal-Marts in Florida.
Rage: Fair. What if he uses Rapunzel’s Tower?
Cage: It’s pretty tall, but it’s not in the UK. I don’t think we’ll have to deal with it.
Rage: No, I mean Marty Donovan’s super move! The brainbuster from the second rope.
Cage: My sources tell me his shoulder was hurt in a Hell in a Cell match. There’s no way he could hit that on either of us! It’s Dis-Knee or bust!
Rage: Nice.
Cage: Nice.
Rage: Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!
Cage: Noice!
Rage: Okay, that’s enough. We’re in better condition than the Florida boys, but we need to commit to some mental warfare. You’re doing to the dirt thing with Florida Man, so what about Marty Donovan?
Cage: Oh, I’ve been saving this! If DOMD ever gets on a roll, scream “NETFLIX’S BETTER!” That’ll throw him off his game! If you get desperate, say “PEACOCK HAS MORE CONTENT!”
Rage: Oh shit, that almost violates the Geneva Convention!
Cage: EPCOT MAFIA IS DOOMED! CAN YOU FEEL IT?
Rage: I can feel it!
Cage: CAN YOU FEEL IT?
Rage: I CAN FEEL IT!
Cage: NO! CAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN YYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU FFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL IIIIIITTTTTTTT?
Rage: I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT!
Cage: Whoa, too hard!
Nicholas H. Cage screams into his phone as he’s live streaming for the High Rollers club fans on Snapchat. He’s in the suite rented by Wesley Crane in London as he takes care of his fellow High Rollers.
Cage: My people, can you feel it? Rage and Cage are finally in the UK to claim our Tag Team titles of WUK! Yeah, they aren’t the XHF tag titles, but those are coming! Take it from me! Before you can be Ghost Rider, you must raise Arizona!
Cage struts into the kitchen where Woke Wesley Rage chugs from a carton of almond milk. With just one drop left in the carton, Rage closes it and stuffs it back in the fridge.
Cage: BRRRRROOOOOOOO! We gettin those belts!
Rage: Fuck yeah! Time’s running out for Disney’s Own Marty Donovan and Florida Man! They better polish the belts, so they look good when we’re holding them up at the end of Battle of Britain!
Cage: Are we the main event?
Rage: Co-main event.
Cage: Oh yeah! Mr. Crane is beating Lord Domino’s Pizza in the other main event!
Rage: And he’ll do it in 30 minutes or less.
Cage: And we’ll only eat DiGiorno’s before the match!
Rage: Sounds good, but we have to be ready. Crane has said that the HRC are WUK. He’s saving WUK’s honor from that interloper, Lord Domino’s Pizza. We have to save the tag titles from the infidels, the Epcot Mafia!
Cage: My dude, IT.IS.ON!
Rage: Where is Crane? He needs to be displaying his leadership!
Cage: He’s back in New York meeting with Old Man Draven.
Rage: Ugh…Draven. Why can’t Crane find a secular mentor? When we win, it’s because we’re fucking awesome! It’s not the will of some sky man.
Cage: And there’s no way the Sky Man will back the Epcot Mafia! They’re all about Disney, and the politicians say that Disney is Satanic!
Rage: Nic, that’s not…ugh…I mean, fuck it. I don’t have the patience for that. I’m ready to stomp anyone from Florida. Tennessee, too. I was watching MSNBC and say a story on a woman running for mayor who was flanked by the Tennessee Active Club, which is a self-identifying Nazi organization!
Cage: You mean, Garbrielle Hanson?
Rage: Who else could I mean? Fuck that bitch and her legion of Nazis! Of course, it’s Tennessee, so she’ll win in a landslide.
Cage: I almost beat up some Nazis in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade! They wanted to replace Harrison Ford with me, but they wouldn’t pay me enough.
Rage: You would have been wonderful, Nic. You’ve been trained by the best Nazi killer in the world: your twin brother!
Cage: I can’t wait to use that in a movie. I did fight the Japanese in USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage.
Rage: I really wish it had been People of Courage.
Cage: I think it was all men on the ship.
Rage: Do you know that for sure? It was the 1940s. Who’s to say how they identified?
Cage: Fair. I can’t speak to that, but I can speak to Epcot Mafia! After BOB, they’ll be identifying as ex-champions!
Rage: Spit that good shit, bro!
Cage: We’re coming for that ass, Epcot Mafia! We will sever the link between Florida Man and Florida. Like cutting Samson’s hair, Florida Man will fall apart without his precious Florida dirt! Once he’s down, we’ll double team DOMD! He won’t stand a chance!
Rage: So, I’ll trust you with Florida Man, even if I’m not sure that’s how he gets his power. What about Disney’s Own Marty Donovan? He’s the only man Crane never beat. That’s a lot of pressure on us.
Cage: Mr. Crane had him beat! DOMD cheated! In The Face!!! is a far superior move to the Dis-Knee!
Rage: Aren’t they the same move?
Cage: Yeah, but Mr. Crane’s sculpted quadriceps and gluteus maximus allows him to generate even more thrust than DOMD! The power of In The Face!!! comes from the legs! DOMD has bony chicken legs! I ain’t scared of no Dis-Knee!
Rage: Wouldn’t that have been a better reference is Disney actually made Ghostbusters or if you starred in Ghostbusters?
Cage: Have you seen all the deleted scenes for Ghostbusters?
Rage: No.
Cage slyly smiles.
Cage: Maybe you should.
Snapchat goes crazy as Cage winks at this phone.
Rage: Okay. Anyway, you’re ready for the Dis-Knee?
Cage: Let him try! Mr. Crane has taught me almost everything about In The Face!!! He only keeps a little secret in case he ever has to use it on me. Still, that’s more than enough to handle Disney’s Own Marty Donovan’s Great Value In The Face!!!
Rage: I would have been okay with Kirkland’s, too.
Cage: More Wal-Marts in Florida.
Rage: Fair. What if he uses Rapunzel’s Tower?
Cage: It’s pretty tall, but it’s not in the UK. I don’t think we’ll have to deal with it.
Rage: No, I mean Marty Donovan’s super move! The brainbuster from the second rope.
Cage: My sources tell me his shoulder was hurt in a Hell in a Cell match. There’s no way he could hit that on either of us! It’s Dis-Knee or bust!
Rage: Nice.
Cage: Nice.
Rage: Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!
Cage: Noice!
Rage: Okay, that’s enough. We’re in better condition than the Florida boys, but we need to commit to some mental warfare. You’re doing to the dirt thing with Florida Man, so what about Marty Donovan?
Cage: Oh, I’ve been saving this! If DOMD ever gets on a roll, scream “NETFLIX’S BETTER!” That’ll throw him off his game! If you get desperate, say “PEACOCK HAS MORE CONTENT!”
Rage: Oh shit, that almost violates the Geneva Convention!
Cage: EPCOT MAFIA IS DOOMED! CAN YOU FEEL IT?
Rage: I can feel it!
Cage: CAN YOU FEEL IT?
Rage: I CAN FEEL IT!
Cage: NO! CAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN YYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU FFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL IIIIIITTTTTTTT?
Rage: I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT!
Cage: Whoa, too hard!