..::Dinosaur Bones Presents: End of Days 2023 Week 2::..
Oct 9, 2023 9:34:58 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom š·, and 5 more like this
Post by Jesse Jamester on Oct 9, 2023 9:34:58 GMT -5
DINOSAUR BONES, in association with The XHF Network Hungrily Presents: BONE-LAND III: GLUTTON'S PARADISE, IS END OF DAYS WEEK 2
Date: October 8, 2023
Citi Field, Queens, New York
Attendance: 40,000
A T-Rex Mouth shaped transitional wipe takes viewers from a black screen to an establishing shot of Citi Field. Panning shots of the stadium dissolve into shots of the crowd, before finally coming to a rest on the global announce team at ringside.
Hawke: Welcome fans to the second week of End of Days action! Also known as DINO-LAND III: Glutton's Paradise.
Randy: Who came up with that nonsense? I've seen worse subtitles on American Ninja flicks.
Hawke: Our hosting federation tonight is Dinosaur Bones-
Randy: Was DTF or John Blade's off-network league busy? I still don't buy that Bones is his own federation...
Hawke: I'd like to see you tell our host that to his face...
Randy (less brave): Why... is he actually here?
Hawke: I think he was loitering around the entrance.
A split screen shows the main gate. Next to the front door, Dinosaur Bones seems much larger than usual, laying on the ground with his mouth wide open to form a second entrance. Al Jabroni takes tickets and directs people towards the gapping dracolich mouth "entrance."
Randy: ......No one is foolish enough to fall for that.
Hawke(looking at audience): I thought we had 40 thousand people in attendance... but it looks more like 10 thousand to me.
Randy: Jesus.
Hawke: I... uh....I'm sure the other thirty thousand are just at the concession stands or using the facilities. This is NOT the site of a mass murder! We have a great show for you tonight including some major rivalries being rekindled in the tournament including Daniels Diamond, Jamester Awesome, Trap Donzig... and I'm sure EVK hates Long for some reason. Bad blood will be spilled tonight! In the ring... not the front door...please believe me. So lets throw it over to our Bones colleague - Bill Stokes.
The live feed cuts over to the retirement home where Dinosaur Bones' Extinction Connection partner, "Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes hangs his lasso. The elderly cowboy wouldn't be caught dead in New York, but Bones wanted to put on a show so this is the compromise.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Howdy partners, have we got a heck of a hootenanny for you tonight. Glutton's Paradise! Yeehaw. I reckon we're in for a smooth ride! Now those of you that have been following Bones wrestling for the past few months will know of the mighty terrible feud between King Edmund IV of Supremia and Archduke Archibald Dukedominic of Lesseria. Evidently Lesseria purchased a missile defence system from Supremia that was supposed to be top of the line technology, only to be disappointed when they received a pigeon on a string. Sounds mighty fancy to me. Dukedominic wants a refund for laughable goods, while King Edmund points out that the pigeon could have fed 90 Supremia families, and puts their deaths on Lesseria's doorstep. Though both nations have declared war, calmer heads hoped they could settle their differences in the ring. Which is exactly what we're gonna do, partners!
TAKE BACK YOUR PIGEON, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
KING EDMUND IV vs. ARCHDUKE ARCHIBALD DUKEDOMINIC
KING EDMUND IV vs. ARCHDUKE ARCHIBALD DUKEDOMINIC
A 1955 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupe Mercedes-Benz pulls up to the front entrance of Citi Field - only instead of wheels it is being carried by Supremians. At the same time a solid gold Yugo pulls up alongside of it. As the King and Archduke get out of their respective vehicles, there is clear posturing over who should be getting the red carpet treatment. King Edmund IV tries to get Mutt to trip the Archduke, but while the monarch is belaying orders, Dukedominic gets a head start for the door. Who has time to talk to idiots? Rather than wait for Mutt to follow instructions so simple a Lesserian could follow them, King Edmund IV starts to pick up the pace to beat the archduke to the door. Suddenly Dukedominic stops in his tracks. Two entrances?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Here comes the first obstacle - which door are ten varmints gonna take?
One reads "Gate 1" while the other is Dinosaur Bones' giant open mouth.
Archduke Archibald Dukedominic: If only there was a way to be sure...
The Bones entrance starts to sing.
DINOSAUR BONES: I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY OCULAR CAVITIES...
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT SLOWLY STOPS THE ACHE
BUT IT'S MADE OF ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO TAKE......
APE SAVIOUR, IT NEVER ENDS, IT WORKS IT'S WAY INSIDE....
IF THE PAIN GOES ON, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT!
ALL I'VE GOT, ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT, ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT, ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT, ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
Finishing the refrain, the giant T-Rex skull returns to its open - welcoming position.
Archduke Archibald Dukedomenic: ....Slipknot's Duality is the official musical interlude of the event.
DINOSAUR BONES: IT IS.
King Edmund IV (watching normal people walking through Gate 1): That pathetic entrance appears to be for peasants.
Archduke Archibald Dukedomenic: For once your substandard Supremia education is correct. Only the one made out of ivory is fitting of someone with blue blood.
The feuding royals start to walk into Dinosaur Bones' mouth. Only Mutt tries to get in the way, signalling that there is serious danger.
King Edmund IV: Don't forget your station worm.
Not paying attention to Mutt's dire warnings, King Edmund IV kicks his retainer hard enough in the face to send him rolling into Bones' maw. Recovering, Mutt tries to escape - but the entering royals are in his way. All three are soon swallowed.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Leaping horny toads, seems like we gonna have to bust out an MRI if we're gonna see how that there match ended. Might take a New York Minute, whatever that is - so I'll throw it back to Hawke and Randy.
The camera cuts back to the announce team, who seem uncomfortable.
Randy: What is wrong with these people?
Hawke: Forget about it, Randy. Its Bone town.
Hawke: Well it's time for us to start with the tournament matches. This is a first round match and the winners of the two tag matches here tonight will face off next week! Let's quickly take a look at how the bracket has shaped up so far.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a no disqualification tag team match scheduled for one fall, and is an opening round match in the 2023 Tag Team Annihilator tournament!
āMotor City Madhouseā by Ted Nugent starts to play through the speakers and MCM start to enter the arena. Johnny Rotten comes stomping down the ramp with an angry glare while Jayson Matthews talks trash and hyped up the crowd as he hops around the big man. Johnny steps over the ropes and raises his fist in the air. Jayson slides in under the bottom rope and does a karate/superhero type pose in front of Johnny as he yells thatās heās gonna go bananas!
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering the ring first, at a combined weight of 530 pounds ā¦ Johnny Rotten and Jayson Matthews ā¦ THE MOTOR CITY MAFIA!
Hawke: Well the two men from Detroit by way of SCCW are looking to make an impact in the tag team division here. Matthews has had some very good showings in the SCCW Gold Rush tournament and at the Cruiserfest Gauntlet Royale match at Night of Champions this year.
Randy: Yes but this is TAG team wrestling. They arenāt on my level! *He falls drunkenly out of his chair* ā¦ in the ring! With a partner! Like my bro or my brother from another mother, Kris Quake!
āRules of Natureā by RichaadEB and Tre Watson hits the speakers and the fans at Citi Field come unglued! As fans of Dinosaur Bones, they have been well trained to love the large, probably illegal, wildlife competing in the ring and they donāt come much more bigger ā¦ more ā¦ yeah ā¦ than Triple B and H.R. Car-Wolf. Speaking of, Triple B ambles out to the stage with reading glasses on, licks his claw and turns the page in the book he is reading. It appears to be something about physics by Carl Sagan ā¦ As he looks up at the crowd, he gingerly places a bookmark in the book and lays it on the stage with his reading glasses and drops to all fours to amble down the ramp letting the fans pat him on the back. Behind him strolls out the unholy offspring of an unholy union between to very loving parents, the currently in a coma himbo werewolf Armbishi, of C.A.R. fame, and the ā¦ well ā¦ unholy abomination that is the Car That Should Not Be. H.R. adjusts his glasses and waves to the fans before looking into the ring ā¦ he lets out a screech and whips his tail into the stage and dents the solid steel before stalking to the ring and leaping from the floor, over the top rope, and into the center of the ring. Triple B climbs the apron and topples himself into the ring and walks up to Jayson Matthews and offers a paw. Which Jayson shakes hands. H.R. does the same to Rotten, who slaps the hand away and flexes while jawjacking at the xenomorph.
Bonnie Jenkins: And the opponents, weighing in today at ā¦ uh ā¦ breaking the scale that Tumbleweed brought for us today ā¦ the team of H.R. Car-Wolf and the Big Bad Bear ā¦ TOOTH AND CLAW!
Randy: Are we allowed to have a two year old wrestle?
Hawke: Are you gonna step in there and tell that poor child he canāt take out some aggression over the fate of his father at the hands of his ā¦ uncle? Godfather? ā¦ Bloodied Fox.
Randy: ā¦ Iām not drunk enough for that. Maybe by the main event.
The only referee macho enough to handle this much meat is of course, Bill Flamingo, who twirls his moustache and gives the run down to both teams. He then sends Johnny and Triple B back to the corner and calls for the bell!
TAG TEAM ANNIHILATOR FIRST ROUND MATCH
No DQ Match
Motor City Mafia vs. Tooth and Claw
DING! DING! DING!
The match begins with Matthews sizing up his humongous opponent. Car-Wolf simply stands in the middle of the ring and beckons the much smaller superstar to attack him. Matthews looks for an opening but the young second generation star just ominously looms over him, casting a long shadow. The Mighty Sandwich girds his loins and darts in. He ducks under a wild swipe of the right arm and lays in a few quick jabs to the ribs before ducking a left swipe to dodge out of close proximity. Timing his movements, the smaller Sandwich uses his agility to dart back in and roll under another swipe and lay in a few more punches and chops to the stomach before he leapfrogs over a kick from the xenomorphic enemy. Matthews gets the crowd into it and runs off the ropes. He comes back and uses his momentum to go over the lifting knee and under the claw swipe like Indiana Jones at the āpenitent manā test in Last Crusade. He lands, rolls to his feet, turns to attack ā¦ and is absolutely annihilated by a tail whip that literally sends him up and over the ropes all the way to the floor.
Randy: YOWCH! That looked like it hurt.
Hawke: He is giving up a foot and a half of height here, so using his agility is his best move. But how do you prepare for someone with a tail?
Randy: I dunno, people beat Dinosaur Bones sometimes.
Hawke: Probably not wise to insult our host, he might eat you.
Randy: Nah, Iām so drunk itād be like eating fermented food, DB hates healthy stuff.
Jayson rolls to his hands and knees and arches his back in pain before he climbs back into the ring. Holding his jaw, the Mighty Sandwich moves to engage the huge beast in front of him. Darting under another tail swipe, he grabs the tail and snaps it down over his knee! He then hits a step up ā¦ uh ā¦ kick to the spine? He doesnāt get high enough to enzuigiri. Hans barely reacts and just pulls his tail around to his hands and examines that damage. Matthews runs to the ropes and springboards to the top and off with a moonsault. He lands over the shoulder of H.R. looking for a moonsault DDT but Car-Wolf holds him up. Thinking quick, Jayson grabs the glasses off of the abomination and hurls them to the crowd.
Randy: GENIUS! You canāt hit if you canāt see!
Hawke: Those donāt appear to have been prescription ā¦
Indeed HR just looks at the little man on his shoulder. Jayson quickly ascertains his situation and laughs. He shrugs with a, āHad to TRY!ā look. Car-Wolf shakes his head then attempts to powerslam the smaller man. But Matthews manages to slide off his shoulder and land on the mat, then hits a pele kick to the face of the hunched monster. He runs off the ropes and hits a big basement dropkick to the shin of the xenomorph. Following that up, The scrappy lad hits a Banana Sandwich to the back of the head! The big brute hits the mat face first. Matthews uses his might to roll him into a pin!
ON-Matthews is literally thrown across the ring to his own corner where Johnny Rotten tags in.
Hawke: Well ā¦ that did some damage and then got a tag accomplished.
Randy: This was a smart move, clearly Jayson needs to do more sit-ups, pushups and drink some more juice.
As Car-Wolf stands, he is unaware of the tag and charges at Jayson. Rotten comes from the side and hits a Pounce on him.
Randy: TRASH BASH!
It does nothing. Both big men get tangled and end up sandwiching Jayson in the corner before tumbling out. Rotten begins to bite at the face of Car-Wolf as Hans shoots rabbit punches to the gut of the older member of the MCM. Flamingo steps in to separate the two and get this match back on track. Johnny fires off an overhead single fist axe handle. H.R. crouches from the force then hits an uppercut to the big man, sending him staggering. Rotten then barrels in with a lariat. Car-Wolf kips up and hits a lariat of his own. Rotten tries to kip up but ends up flopping onto his back again. H.R. stops what heās doing and palms his face in embarrassment. This momentary corpsing allows Johnny to get to his hands and knees and launch himself at the legs of the eldritch horror. When the alien figure refuses to be taken down, Rotten simply stands and uses his size to get the monster off its vertical base and plant him with a spinebuster. He then stays on top and rains down haymakers to the extended muzzle of the beast. With a quick snap of the tail, Rotten is caught by the throat and pulled off the mounted position. Johnny struggles to get a hand between the tail and his throat and tries to fight free. He backs the xenomorph into the corner where Jayson reaches into the ring and pulls the legs out from the foe. He yanks them back and crotches the poor two-year-old on the metal ring post. Rotten then grabs the middle rope and launches up, and drops a heavy double stomp to the spine of Hans, releasing the tail choke.
Hawke: Well through Rottenās own size and some well-worked out tag team unity ā¦and some normally illegal activity ā¦ it seems the MCM is back in this one.
Randy: Having a tail is a huge advantage though. Man if I had a tail Iād use it for all kinds of things ā¦ like for taping a THIRD container of beer to for Edward 40-hands!
Hawke: You are hopeless.
The big man pulls the young son-of-a-car from the corner and hooks him for a suplex. He picks him up and stalls before slowly spinning, and spinning faster, and then slamming him to the mat!
Randy: DIRTY, ROTTEN SPIRAL!
He floats over into a pin. Bill Flamingo dives in.
ONE!
TW-kickout!
Rotten grunts in annoyance and whips the big creature to the ropes after hauling him to his feet. On the return, Rotten drops down for a back body drop and launches H.R. overhead. Car-Wolf however, lands on his feet and whips his tail to knock the legs out from under Rotten. Johnny lands on his butt and then rolls to his knees. Hans comes flying at him with a sliding clothesline. A mutant palm to the face hauls Big Trash Daddy to his feet and with a roar, Hans begins to take out his frustrations on Johnny with a vicious headbutt, then another, then a swipe of his claws across the face, and finally a leaping dropkick to the shoulders. Johnny stumbles to the corner and Matthews makes a blind tag. Car-Wolf pulls Johnny from his own corner and hits a short arm clothesline before hitting a standing splash. When the ref doesnāt count, Hans looks up at Flamingo who signals a tag. Before a reaction to this info can happen, Matthews comes flying off the top rope with a moonsault, landing in an elbow drop to the back of the neck, with the weight of his body and the moonsault across the back and left arm of Car-Wolf.
Randy: BANANARAMA! BANANANANANANANANANANANANANAā¦ *inhales* ā¦ NANANANANARAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAA!
Hawke:ā¦ A little much donāt you think?
Randy: No, why do you ask? *he drinks an entire gallon of beer laced with honey for his throat*
Hawke: You didnāt need all thatā¦
Randy: I MEAD IT JOEY!
Hawke: Donāt you mean ne-
*Randy drinks a tankard of mead.*
Hawke: Anyway, in the ring the Motor City Mafia are now stomping away in a double team assault on H.R. Car-Wolf.
Indeed, the stomps are fast and furious. It only ends when Big Bad Bear tumbles over the top rope and charges on all fours for speed. With a bear sized spear to Johnny Rotten, they both tumble through the ropes and to the floor. Immediately Jayson takes advantage and locks in the Banana Split (Orienteering with Napalm Death). Iād love to describe this hold but there is no video of it and the only picture is inconclusive but I think it stretches the arms! Car-Wolf flails and tries to escape. Unfortunately for Jayson, H.R. is too big and eventually weakens the hold then uses his tail to pull the smaller man off of him.
Hawke: A valiant effort by Jayson. But not good enough.
Randy: As if that thing even knows how to submit. His parents both seem like the dom type who could never teach him that skill.
Hawke: ā¦ Why, Randy?
Car-Wolf tackles Jayson to the mat and begins to furiously unload claw and backhand attacks to the chest and face of the Mighty Sandwich. Jayson tries to turtle but Hans uses his own hands to pin down Jaysonās and then uses his tail to bludgeon the neck and face of the Motor City Mouthpiece. Meanwhile on the outside, Johnny manages to flip Triple B off of him and send him careening to the steel steps with a whip. He slides into the ring and hits HR with the Face Mangler to free his partner. Hans rolls off of Jayson and manages to dodge a follow up punt kick before lashing the butt of Rotten with a tail strike. Johnny doesnāt take kindly to this and turns around ā¦ right into a belly to belly suplex. Matthews attacks from behind with a flurry of kicks. This is halted when Hans goes full Ridley from his Smash Bros debut trailer and pierces the shoulder of the small man with his tail.
Randy: HEāS DEAD, JIM!
Hawke: Itās Joey. And heās fine. This is the XHF, unless you behead him heāll be alright.
Hans takes a moment to gather his bearings and catch his breath. He continues the attack on Jayson with a flurry of haymakers and headbutts. Jayson rolls under a lariat and charges off the ropes. He comes back looking for that running flying knee strike but he gets caught in mid-air. POWERBOMB! But he holds on ā¦ POWERBOMB! ā¦ but Jayson canāt escape. With emphasis this time, POWERBOMB!
Randy: CHTHULUāS ALARM CLOCK!
Pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THR-Matthews uses all his will and energy to roll the shoulder to the shock of H.R.
Triple B has climbed back to the apron now and is reading his book waiting for his chance. Hans nods his head and rolls to his scaly feet. He points to the ropes and the fans cheer. He starts to scale the ropes. But as he get to the middle. Johnny comes from the apron and clobbers him with a metal gardening shovel in the side of the head. Hans lurches to the side and uses the ropes to maintain balance. Johnny steps through the ropes and pulls him off the top rope with the ROTTEN BOMB! He takes a few moments to rouse his partner. He slowly drags the legal man over to Car-Wolf. Triple B climbs to the top rope.
ONE!
TWO!
A massive bear lands full force with a frog splash on top of Jayson Matthewsās legs breaking the pin.
Randy: SAVED BY THE BEAR SPLASH!
Hawke: I donāt know if Matthews will ever walk again.
Jayson scrambles to his corner and looks for help. Meanwhile, Johnny is in the ring swinging a shovel. Triple B roars at him and dodges him a few times. Before Johnny backs up to his corner and steps outside. Big Bad Bear does the same and the tag is made to Rotten. He charges in and uses the shovel to hit the spine of the crawling Hans. Rotten laughs in the face of Trips before turning back to Car-Wolf and lifting him up. Headbutt. Hans drops to his knees. Rotten slams him with an STO and pins.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout.
Rotten stays on the attack, slamming the shovel into the gut of the child. With no remorse or concern for the safety of minors, he slams the shovel again into the chest. He laughs and tries to swing again but a tail snaps up and wraps the shovel. It is yanked from his hand. With a quick, āWha?ā the shovel bitch slaps Johnny across the face. Then it buries itself in his gut with an OOF! Trash Daddy stumbles away from the poor son-of-a-wolf.
Randy: Again, having a tail is a huge advantage. Iām going to buy one. ā¦ How do they make it stay on your body?
Hawke: Randy ā¦ stop.
Randy: Steve got that Pikachu tail, I want a Car-Wolf tail!
Hawke: IāM not drunk enough for this conversation.
*Randy slides him a container of Super Sake*
Hans begins to crawl to his corner. Johnny slowly stumbles to his feet, holding the bleeding hole in his gut. He grabs the tail of the xenomorph and yanks him away from the corner and hits a German Suplex. He holds on for a second but Car-Wolf kicks backwards and hits the Trash Daddy in the Trash Daddies. Another OOOOOF! In Soprano. And Hans again crawls to his corner. Jayson Matthews runs around from his corner and tries to knock out the legs of Triple B and pull him off the apron. The bear wonāt be pulled though and kicks the man in the head. He roars and we hear Patrick Stewart, āI say old chap, that is most annoying. Donāt make me do to you what I wanted to do to Big Drag!ā Matthews renews his attempt to stop the tag but Triple B simply leaps off with a double Bear Handle smash then climbs back to the apron and reaches ā¦. TAG IS MADE!
Hawke: BIG BAD BEAR IS LEGAL IN THE MATCH!
Randy: It was awfully nice of these tag teams to follow tag rules with no DQ.
Hawke: RANDY! Stop breaking the immersion of the match. Sometimes the sanctity of the ring is worth more than double teaming.
Randy: Or Tooth and Claw didnāt think they needed it and Rotten is too dumb not to listen to the ref. And his glorious moustache.
BBB barrels into the ring and hits a clothesline on a rising Rotten. Upon standing, Johnny is floored again. He grabs the shovel but Triple B catches the handle in his mouth and snaps the handle like a twig in his maw. Johnny is left stunned ā¦ for a brief moment before he has bear teeth embedded in his left trapezius and deltoid. The ref asks if he submits but all Rotten does is yell to get the mongrel off of him! Bear releases him and spits as if the meal was not to par. He watches as Rotten stumbles to his corner trying to stem the bleeding from his shoulder. He is instead yanked back and hit with a German Bear Suplex. He holds the bridge ā¦ somehow.
ONE!
TWO!
Matthews breaks it up with a springboard leg drop across the body of the bear from outside the ring.
He stomps away on the bear, but the ursine fighter rolls to his feet, absorbing the attacks in his muscle and fur. Johnny kicks him in the snout, which enrages the bear. āI WILL WESLEY CRUSHER YOU!ā That canāt be accurate ā¦ Johnny kicks him in the bear balls. This actually stops the big mammalian meatboy. A superkick puts the bear on his back. Rotten crawls over to pin.
ONE!
TWO!
Broken up by Car-Wolf!
Hans grabs the smaller Jayson and hits him with a Gory Special into a knee strike, then flips him over the ropes with a tail throw.
Hawke: HADLEYāS HOPE BUSTER! Matthews is out on the outside!
Randy: This one looks over.
Rotten rains down strikes to the back of the neck of the bear before pushing slowly to his feet and trying to clothesline Hans over the ropes. Low bridge and he topples over to the apron. Triple B scoops Hans into a rack and throws him at Rotten! ALIEN CANADIAN DESTROYER TO THE FLOOR FROM THE APRON! Both fighters are down but Car-Wolf has the wherewithal to roll the broken Rotten into the ring for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Randy: THEY DID IT! GAIAN DESTROYER TO THE OUTSIDE FOR THE WIN!
DING! DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: Here are your winners and advancing to the semi-finals of the Tag Team Annihilator ā¦ TOOTH AND CLAW!
Hawke: What an amazing match. I donāt know how either the End or the Sanctuary will handle this squad of big lads.
Randy: Very carefully ā¦ or very dangerously!
Hawke:Time for the singles tournament. We saw 8 superstars advance last week and the groups get jumbled so no repeat matchups tonight. Who will advance to the semifinals next week in France? Here's how the second round brackets match up after the group stage last week!
The crowd goes nuts as the brackets are shown on screen.
Hawke: Next up is an End of Days Singles Tournament round two match.
Randy: Tonight has already been action packed but itās nowhere near over yet.
Hawke: Couldnāt have said it better myself. These next two have a long history of finding success on the XHF Network in various companies over the years.
Randy: Yes, they both get around quite a bit, and thatās saying something coming from me.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following bout is scheduled for ONE fall and is an END OF DAYS Singles Tournament round two match! A winner will be decided by pinfall or submission, and this match will have NO DISQUALIFICATIONS!
Randy: No DQ and I forgot my popcorn.
Hawke: Iām sure the vendor will be around to sell hotdogs soon. But you make a good point, the no disqualification is a round two speciality for this week. In week one disqualifications could happen, but not this week.
Randy: With Long and Krauss, this might get out of hand in a hurry.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing FIRST! Hailing from Cologne, Germany! Weighing in this evening at one hundred forty five pounds! A resident of the the XHF Network, no stranger to the End of Days of XHFās past ā ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS!
āGods and Monstersā as sung by Jessica Lange from AHS: Freakshow begins playing as Esmeralda von Krauss walks out from the back to the booing crowd. She smiles in her extravagant gown as she lights up an Egyptian cigarette at the end of an ornate foot-long holder.
She makes her way down to the ring where the referee opens the ropes for her. She leans down as she goes through the ropes, eliciting a few cat calls as she does. Once sheās in the ring, she slips the shoulders off of her dress and allows it to slip down to the floor to reveal a black singlet. She tosses the dress to the timekeeper.
Esmeralda von Krauss: Find a good home for it, dahling. Iāll never wear it again.
She turns back to the ring and smiles coldly before leaning in her corner to await the start of the match.
Hawke: A manipulating and deceptive woman with the ability to snatch your soul waits for her opponent.
Randy: Esmeralda is every bit as dangerous as the rest of these End of Days competitors in round two. Long would be wise not to underestimate her if he knows whatās best.
Hawke: Krauss has created quite the legacy in her time here in the XHF Network, and tonight she looks to add to that list of achievements by advancing to round three.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing NEXT! Hailing from Santa Monica, California! Weighing in this evening at two hundred eighteen pounds! You know him as āThe Catalystā ā JASON LONG!
Thereās a moment of silence inside of the arena as the crowd awaits for the next match, but then the lights inside of the arena dim to darkness and the crowd sit in silence, but then they hear the words speaking through the P.A. System and that signals for them to begin cheering upon knowing who it might be:
āŖ YOUāRE NOT THE REAL HEROES, IāM THE REAL HERO āŖ
The crowd inside of the building began to cheer loudly as the vocals of āSuperheroā begin to play through the speakers, the lights beginning to spiral around the arena before bringing them all around onto the stage where The Last Breathing Mercenary steps through the curtain, a large grin along his face as he stops at the top of the ramp and looks around the arena. The camera panned closer toward the man as he began his slow walk down to the ring, soaking in every second that the crowd showed their love for Long.
Hawke: The fans have known for some time that Jason Long could be that future break out star. While I say that like heās a newcomer, I mean it in the way that Jason has had success before but itās been a while since he has taken to the spotlight.
Randy: Long endured a lengthy battle with Steve Awesome in JROK these past few months. The two traded the XHF Hardcore title in a series of match ups leading up to End of Days.
Hawke: Tonight I fully expect Jason to bring out the hardware and take every opportunity to inflict as much damage to Krauss with the No DQ being in effect.
Randy: Absolutely agree. If thereās a table in sight, itās not safe folks. Long will drive his opponent through anything and everything that he sees fit. Iāve seen it first hand.
Long finds himself at ringside as his ring introduction is made, taking a moment to stand there and take a deep breath before turning to walk over to the steps and head up along them to get onto the ring apron. From there, he brushes his feet along the apron, removing [his ring jacket / shirt (either of Icon design or one of his own designs)] and steps through the ropes. Long heads into the furthest corner and steps onto the second ropes, keeping himself up high as he looks out through the crowdā which only brings a large smile along his face, slightly laughing at the crowd, before leaping off of the apron and staying within the corner to prepare himself for the match.
Randy: The stare down between these two is intense.
Hawke: That it is! With Bonnie safely at ringside the referee has signaled for this one to begin!
END OF DAYS SINGLES TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH
No DQ Match
Esmeralda von Krauss v Jason Long
Long goes in for a lock up but Krauss is one step ahead of him and ducks under the arms to apply a backside waist lock. Lifting Jason off his feet, Krauss slams Jason down on the canvas chest first and goes for a headlock. Jason pushes himself up and sends Krauss to the ropes before hitting a shoulder block to knock Krauss off her feet!
Hawke: Jason throws his weight around.
Randy: Heās not even that big!
Hawke: Weight wise Jason has fifty plus pounds on Esmeralda.
Randy: Heās putting it to good use too.
Jason goes for a stomp on Krauss and she catches the foot, sweeping his other leg with a kick before locking on a leg lock. Jason drags himself to the bottom rope but rope breaks are not in effect for these singles tournament round two bouts.
Randy: Jason forgets this is no disqualification.
Hawke: But he calls an audible anyway!
Pulling himself out of the ring and dropping to the outside, Jason drags Krauss out of the ring and they both crash on the outside floor. This breaks the hold as Krauss drops to the floor. Jason gets up as does Krauss, and she runs at Jason to attack but is hip tossed into the steel steps!
Randy: Oooh! Thatās going to leave a mark.
Hawke: Senior ouch to say the least!
Randy: Krauss is not looking good here as Jason goes and grabs a chair from the timekeeperās table.
SMASH! The chair lands on the back of Krauss and she rolls under the ring in pain.
Hawke: Vicious hit by Jason Long!
Randy: Heās not pulling any hits tonight.
Jason lifts the ring skirt and receives a flash of white to the face as Krauss sprays a fire extinguisher! The chair is dropped as Long grabs his face and wipes at his eyes.
Hawke: Krauss shows why she should never be underestimated.
Randy: Tackled into the Spanish announce table!
Krauss with elbows to the face of Jason sending him on the table. Krauss grabs the chair and smashes it over Jasonās head as he sits up, sending him back down. Krauss swings again across the chest of Long and the fans cheer on the violence.
Randy: These fans are rabid tonight!
Hawke: They want tables Randy, do you hear them?
Randy: I do Joey. Unfortunately the Spanish announce table is about to find out what that means.
Climbing on the table, Krauss pulls Jason up and puts him in a piledriver position. She pulls up on his waist and drops Jason head first on the table with a piledriver!
Randy: The table didnāt break!
Hawke: Thatās gotta be a first.
Pulling Jason back up, Krauss goes for a second piledriver but Long counters! Jason gets to his feet with both legs of Krauss in his arms as she hangs over his back! ALABAMA SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE!
Hawke: Krauss might be dead!
Randy: That didnāt look good at all for Esmeralda!
Picking Krauss up, Long puts her in the ring and slides in to make a cover.
One!
Two!
Thrā-shoulder up!
Long looks at the referee in disbelief. He lifts Krauss up and goes to set her on the top rope, climbing the turnbuckles himself.
Hawke: FRANKENSTEINER!
Randy: REVERSED INTO A SITOUT POWERBOMB!
Krauss with the cover!
One!
Two!
ThreeāKick out!
Long keeps the match alive! Both Krauss and Long lay on the canvas. A brutal bout taking place in a short amount of time as the two begin to recover and climb to their feet. Krauss turns to see a running Jason who goes for a helluva kick, Krauss ducks and grabs the neck, spinning it for a neckbreaker, but Jason counters out of it! Jason grabs Esmeralda by the hair and kicks her in the back of her knee. Hooking her for a reverse DDT, he lifts her up in the air and hits a reverse impact DDT!
Hawke: But no cover by Long! What is he thinking?
Randy: He is looking to end it with that punt kick!
VANITY KILLER ON KRAUSS! Jason goes for the cover!
One!
Two!
Three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of this match and ADVANCING in the End of Days Singles Tournament ā Jason Long!
Having his arm raised in the air by the referee, Jason celebrates as he advances on the End of Days singles tournament.
MEANWHILE.... INSIDE THE BEAST!
On the highest spire of the City of Bone, the chief municipal officer - The Wizard of Bone - listens to complaints from the citizens. The specific citizens are the Murder Hobo Express - that merry gang of heroic adventurers that currently consist of Kuor, Lili, AMG, ARM815H1 MK.69, Biff Bluebird, Venƶm Dinosaur Hunter Crippled Edition, TrƤcy Personal Support Worker Outfit, 'Al Cole Hall, Marmaduke Matters, Harsh Winter Pilgrim, Olympia, The Hooded Scratch & Wiley Sharp - all give the sorcerer a piece of their mind.
AMG: We all saw you let Edmund escape on a hot air ballon, why don't you offer the same courtesy to me and my minions?
Biff Bluebird: Not a minion.
AMG: You're never going to sell any beer with that attitude.
Wizard of Bone: That path is riddled with peril. If you want such an exit, you might as well use the rear...
A silence falls over the Murder Hobo express, no one wanting to deal with that inevitability.
Wiley Sharp: That was an option?
'Al Cole Hall: What are we even doing here? There is no need to find an exit. I keep telling you, Off the Wagon will save us!
Wizard of Bone: The only safe way to escape is with the Crystal Skull. It baffles me why you have procured it from her.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: She is surprisingly difficult to catch, brother.
Wizard of Bone: Isn't she with you?
The Murder Hobo express notice that Trekker is standing in the centre of their group.
Trekker: Oh, I'm just an observer. You know - the prime directive.
The Murder Hobo Express are about to strangle Trekker to death, but before they get a chance, the Wizard of Bone loses his patience.
Wizard of Bone: I'll let you work this out for yourselvesss.
With a flick of a switch, the floor opens up. The Murder Hobo Express find themselves falling into a dark pit. There is little light, and the floor is covered in bloody sand.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Someone stop the young lady before she can give us the slip...
CRYSTAL SKULL CHAMPIONSHIP
Paramount+'s Star Trekker (c) vs. The Murder Hobo Express
Our heroic thirteen surround the young woman for some prison beatdown action...
Venƶm Dinosaur Hunter: Damn it, he stole my wheels!
Before the protagonists can get on the same page, Lili has thrown crippled Venƶm out of his wheelchair - which the giant panda is now riding around in. While Venƶm tries to shoot the bear with his tranquilizer rifle, TrƤcy jumps on the beast's back. In the ensuing confusion, Trekker manages to dodge a few attempts by Kudor to steal the Crystal skull. The trick to dealing with Kudor is to flip forward, not backward. Before the Murder Hobos can get back on the same Trekker killing page, a giant wall opens up...
RANCOR PIT DEATH MATCH
The Murder Hobo Express vs. Rancor
The Rancor towers a good thirty feet over even the tallest Murder Hobo - which in this case is LiLi who is seated. Undettered by the giant monster, AMG starts barking out orders - firmly feeling herself to be the leader of this motley crew. Kudor listens intently to AMG's advice, tries to follow it to the letter, then flips into action. AMG is hot, but the Rancor is scarier than she is attractive, so Marmaduke Matters and Wiley Sharpe make a break for it. So caught up in the joy of not using his legs to care about the giant alien, Lili happily rolls around in his recently acquired wheelchair. TrƤcy attempts to apply a sleeperhold to force the panda out of the chair, but its hard to say if her arm is actually stopping the air flow in its muscular neck. Realizing that he doesn't have enough tranquilizers to take down the Rancor, Venƶm focuses his fire power on LiLi.... sadly the bear moves surprisingly fast in the wheelchair. Missing the bear Venƶm instead shoots Marmaduke Matters in leg - slowing down his ability to hobble away from the Rancor. Wiley Sharpe laughs at this, quite happy to leave Marmaduke as Rancor bait - only to get shot in the ass. The results see Sharpe have an even harder time walking than Marmaduke does. 'Al Cole Hall tells everyone to chill, OtW will save- before he can even get the words out, the Rancor has thrown Hall into the wall. Olympia argues with her sword. The Hooded Scratch works over an ankle with a knife, but if the Rancor saw it as more than a pedicure, it's not letting on. Harsh Winter Pilgrim and Biff Bluebird bravely brawl away - with a foot - but the only thing keeping them from getting eaten is Kudor's distracting flips. Fortunately for all the disfunction, ARM815H1 MK.69 is kind of a badass. The Furminator goes to work with razor sharp claws, ducking and weaving around giant fists to chop the beast up like sushi. Just when it looks like ARM815H1 MK.69 has saved the day - Lili rolls past, and the Furminator is subsequently tranquillized by Venƶm. You try aiming a rifle in a Rancor Pit! It isn't easy. As ARM815H1 MK.69 starts to lose steam, the Rancor picks AMG up to eat her... fortunately King Edmund IV and Mutt fall through the ceiling, a long way down the Bones gullet. Fortunately the Rancor breaks Edmund & Mutt's fall. Sadly, the duo goes through the Rancor. His dry cleaning bill is going to be through the roof. The alien slumps to the ground, dead.
Winner: The Murder Hobo Express
GAINING 56 EXP & 12 Skill Points
SKILL LEVEL UP!
Kudor became a LVL 8 Distraction.
Learned "What Was That?!"
AMG became a LVL 4 Damsel in Distress.
Learned Stockholm Syndrome.
ARM815H1 MK.69 became a LVL 99 Badass.
Learned "How to MacGuyver Their Way Out Of A Submarine That Is Inside An Active Volcano."
Lili became a LVL 3 Thief.
Learned Lock-picks.
Biff Bluebird became a LVL 5 Neurosurgeon.
Learned Lobotomy - Basics.
MONSTER MEAT appears.
Eat it? YES.
Biff Bluebird became Buff Blueball.
Venƶm Dinosaur Hunter Crippled Edition became LVL 2 Bear Hunter.
Learned Scattershot.
TrƤcy Personal Support Worker Outfit became a LVL 12 PSW.
Learned "Patient Finder"
'Al Cole Hall became a LVL 20 Co-Depedant.
Learned "Passive Aggressive Waiting Game - Advanced"
Marmaduke Matters became a LVL 1 Pirate.
Gained a limp.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim became a LVL 2 fighting man.
Learned kick.
Olympia became a LVL 9 Sword Whisperer.
Learned "Language - Tongues"
The Hooded Scratch became a LVL 1 Manicurist.
Learned Nail Fungus Attack.
Wiley Sharp became a LVL 5 Denver Native.
Learned the location of the Doomsday Airport Bunker.
King Edmund IV became a LVL 2 Projectile.
Learned Self Sacrifice.
Spoils: RANCOR COLD CUTS x124
While the Murder Hobo Express are levelling up, Trekker once again escapes with her Crystal Skull through the Rancor loading door.
Winner: Trekker
GAINED 10 Exp, 3 Skill Points
SKILL LEVEL UP!
Trekke became a LVL 5 Flight Risk.
Learned Fake Passport.
Wizard of Bone: You're letting her get away!
MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE BEAST!
Randy: Why is Blind Melon playing.
Hawke: Itās time for our next match and thatās Danaās music.
Randy: Shouldnāt the cameras be on him and not on us?
Hawke: They should, but his entrance just says he is already in the ring even though he has entrance music.
Randy: Oh, would you look at that. He is already in the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Uh, already in the ring. Representing the Diamond Training Facility. Dana, THE DRONE, Daniels!
The house lights go out as the crowd begins to buzz.
Top, to the top, ain't never gonna stop
To the top, to the top, ain't never gonna stop
Pyro explodes as the chorus of "Legendary" by Skillet begins to play and the crowd erupts into cheers and chants begin to break out of "Icons", "Diamond Club", and "D-T-F".
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent. He is the owner of the Diamond Training Facility. Representing the ICONS and TapOut Wrestling. He is JACK DIAMOND!
Jack Diamond emerges on the stage with a huge grin on his face, nodding his head to the beat of the music. He adjusts his leather jacket and soaks in the moment, around his waist the Tap Out Openweight Championship belt glimmers in the lights. He mouths the word "Legendary" and begins to make his way to the ring acknowledging the fans as only Jack Diamond can do. As he gets to the ring, he climbs the stairs and walks the apron over to the far turnbuckle. He ascends the outside of the corner, removes his belt and holds it high over his head, playing to the crowd as more pyro goes off.
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, legendary
Jack jumps down into the ring and heads to the center before raising his belt up with both hands, above his head loud cheers. Jack removes his leather jacket and hands it and the title over to the timekeeper before heading to his corner and stretching and preparing for the match.
Randy: Now thatās an entrance.
Hawke: Maybe Jack will teach Dana that at his school soon.
Randy: You think thatād be an early lesson.
END OF DAYS SINGLES TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH
No DQ Match
Jack Diamond vs. Dana "The Drone" Daniels
Ding ding ding
With the ring of the bell Jack walks to the center of the ring and offers a handshake to his student. Dana, though, does not seem keen to accept the handshake and shoots daggers at his opponent as he pulls a hand from behind his back producing a thermos of bees. Jack immediately retreats and exits the ring as Dana shakes up the thermos and opens the lid.
Randy: Oh no. Hide me Joey! Bees love to sting me! I taste too sweet from all the Super Saki.
Hawke: Iād actually quite like to see that.
With Jack out of the ring ducking for cover as the bees buzz around the ring area Dana demands that referee Siobhan Byrne gives Dana a stern ānoā and explains this match is hardcore rules. Sheās only here to count the pin or ask for the submission. Dana throws up his arms in exasperation. Deacon on the outside for Dana slaps the mat and yells something to get Dana motivated and Dana takes a deep breath and locates Jack on the outside. Dana then runs towards the ropes, slowly, and dives through the ropes connecting just hard enough with Jack to stumble him back into the ring barrier.
Randy: Tope Con Beeo!
Hawke: That was a standard Tope, and Iām pretty sure thatās not how you say Bee in Spanish.
Randy: Whoa! I was speaking Spanish?
Dana gets back up to his feet to a big pop from the crowd. He looks very please with himself and looks to the camera and saysā¦
Dana: That was for you baby. Please take me back Jodie.
ā¦and then turns back to Jack. Dana gears up and delivers a chop to the chest of Jack. Jack eats it for breakfast and smiles motioning for another one. Dana rears back and delivers another one. Jack isnāt impressed at all and grabs Dana and switches places with the beekeeper placing Danaās back to the ring barrier and delivers a huge chop that rings throughout the arena.
Jack: Thatās how you deliver a chop Dana. You gotta put your body into it.
Jack rears back and delivers another stiff chop and this one causes Dana to flip over the ring barrier into the laps of the fans in the front row. Jack smirks as Dana struggles up to his feet with help from the fans and begins walking away from Jack as fast as he can.
Hawke: Dana retreating is probably his best strategy.
Randy: Running for your life is always a decent plan.
Jack walks to the ring barrier where the aisle way is and hops over and begins giving chase to his student. Dana looks over his shoulder as he staggers through the screaming fans and sees Jack following him. Dana begins to speed up, but heās no match for the speed of Jack as he runs full speed and clotheslines Dana from behind sending Dana down.
Jack: Running Dana? Thatās not what I taught you.
Dana slowly gets up with Jack standing over him. Dana slaps at Jackās chest trying to get distance between the two of them, but Jack isnāt phased. Jack grabs Dana and goes to lock up with him, but Dana counters with a thumb to the eye and begins staggering off. Jack rubs his eye as Dana flees.
Jack: Thatās more like it Dana. Thatās what I want to see.
Dana gets good distance between him and Jack and finds a tarp and he slides under it disappearing from view.
Hawke: Weāve lost visual on Dana. Can we get someone in there?
Randy: Hey, if we canāt find Dana that means Jack canāt find him either. Great strategy.
Hawke: Too bad this is a hardcore match and not a hide and seek match.
Jack continues pursuit and unfortunately for Dana the audience tells Jack where Dana went, and Jack rips the tarp down to reveal the Metsā dugout. Dana wasnāt hiding, though. No. He was laying in wait with a baseball bat left behind after the season and he sends a shot right to the gut of Jack doubling him over.
Hawke: What a shot by Dana.
Randy: He actually did it. He got one over on Jack Diamond.
Hawke: He is a trained professional wrestler Randy. Donāt be so surprised.
Dana dances around a little bit as Jack struggles in pain from the bat shot. Dana stands up like heās Pete Alonso waiting in the box for the pitch and as Jack gets upright he swings again violently to the midsection of Jack. Dana puts his hand over his eyes like heās watching a deep drive go over the fence and smiles and looks into the camera.
Dana: That was for you Jodie.
After the shot the Big Apple in what could be center field rises up from the grass. The crowd is going nuts for the rising of the apple and the beekeeper begins to showboat. Dana is eating it up and takes a sharpie from a young fan and autographs the bat and hands it to the young fan. Dana then turns around to see a recovering Jack and realizes he made a mistake and asks for the bat back, but the kid has run back to his seat. Anger fills Jackās eyes as he sets his sights on the unarmed Dana and Dana again turns and runs. This time down the tunnel in the dugout towards the Metsā clubhouse. Jack begins chasing Dana as the camera follows.
Randy: Just when Dana seemed like he was on a roll he makes a big mistake.
Hawke: And now heās on the run again. I just hope the camera man can keep up.
Randy: It looks like we have a cameraman ready at the end of that hallway in the Metsā clubhouse.
Hawke: But why?
We soon find out why as the camera cuts to the star of Dinosaur Bones, the Dread Lord himself practicing for his next eating contest chomping away on a mound of stadium hot dogs. This is when Dana comes running into view. Dana is looking over his shoulder for Jack who is in hot pursuit and he doesnāt realize heās running right into the path of Dinosaur Bones. Dinosaur Bones chomps down and Dana has been eaten alive!
Hawke: I guess it wouldnāt be a show for Dinosaur Bones if a wrestler wasnāt consumed by our host.
Randy: What does this mean? Is the match over?
Hawke: I have no clue.
Jack comes through the doorway and looks left. Then he looks right. With Dana no where in sight Jack locks eyes with the Dread Lord and knows what happened here. Jack shakes his head in frustration and saysā¦
Jack: Iām going in. Follow me.
Jack runs and dives into the gullet of Dinosaur Bones. Behind him, for some reason, the camera man follows him.
Randy: Oh my god.
Hawke: A two time X*Crown Champion was just swallowed by a dinosaur.
Randy: At least weāll have a view of whatās going on!
INSIDE DINOSAUR BONES
Dana lands softly on a mound of hot dog buns and slowly gets up to his feet. He looks around and wipes his brow. Heās finally safe. Dana brushes himself off and looks around when he hears a crash behind him. He turns and finds Jack who landed in full super hero pose. Danaās face goes ghost white and he turns to run, but Jack grabs him by the trunks and pulls Dana into a rear waist lock and nails Dana with a German suplex right into the hot dog buns!
Randy: Iām not sure that suplex had the effect Jack hoped for. Those buns look soft.
Hawke: I think youāre right. Dana is up and running downā¦Dinosaur Bonesā throat?
Randy: And Jack hasnāt seemed to notice yet.
Jack gets back up to his feet and sees Dana running for his lift and gives chase. Dana runs passed the swallowed members of the Dinosaur Bones roster one after another before he stops as he find Venƶm the Dinosaur Hunter. He grabs the wheel chair and turns and rolls the Hunter towards the charging toward him. Jack leaps over the Hunter who is rolling out of control and nails Dana with a shotgun drop kick! Dana hits the wall of Dinosaur Bonesā stomach and has nowhere to run. Jack begins to stalk his prey, clearly angry at all that Dana has put him through. Dana looks terrified and begins feeling around until he finds something, another thermos of bees!
Randy: Another one?
Hawke: He wouldnāt do that in there, would and he is
Randy: He would, and he is.
Dana shakes up the thermos and removes the lid. Jack ducks for cover as the bees all fly out and angrily hit the walls of Dinosaur Bonesā stomach!
OUTSIDE IF DINOSAUR BONES
Back outside Dinosaur Bones begins choking and begins to cough. He coughs harder and out tumbles Dana, Jack, and the cameraman. Dana hits hard. No hot dog buns to break his fall while Jack hits in a roll and bounces up to his feet. Jack takes a deep breath and picks Dana up to his feet. Jack sends a few shots to Danaās back and begins dragging him away from the Dread Lord and down the hall back into the Metsā dugout. Once back in the dugout Dana delivers an elbow to Jackās midsection, and tries to move away, but Jack grabs him by the back of the head and drives him into the bench face first.
Randy: Ouch!
Hawke: Thatās gotta hurt.
Randy: And probably smells like baseball player ass.
Jack again drags Dana and begins dragging him back towards the ring. Soon they reach the ring barrier and Jack hip tosses Dana over the ring barrier to ringside. Dana springs up to his feet holding his back in pain. He heads to the ring and slides in as Jack makes his way over the ring barrier. Jack has a smile on his face as he locks eyes with his student in the ring, but he doesnāt see Deacon running right at him. Deacon nails Jack on the blindside with a tackle that launches Jack into the ring barrier.
Hawke: Danaās new manager with a huge assist there.
Randy: Jack is down and hurt from that shot.
Hawke: That was a huge hit.
Randy: There were two hits. Deacon hitting Jack and Jack hitting the ring barrier.
Dana is shaking the cobwebs out inside the ring as Deacon lays the boots to Jack on the outside. Once Deacon is satisfied that Jack is worn out he pulls him up and rolls him in the ring and directs Dana to make the cover. 1ā¦2ā¦Jack gets a foot on the ropes! Deacon slams his fists on the mat in frustration. He directs Dana to not let up. Dana abides and pulls Jack up to his feet. Dana sends a forearm into the face of Jack and whips him into the corner. Dana quickly moves to the opposite corner and begins making buzzing noises before running and nailing Jack with a huge splash in the corner!
Randy: Jodie please give Dana a second chance!
Hawke: Oh lord. Now you are helping him too?
Randy: No. Thatās what he calls that move, and itās how he finishes matches. Jack is done!
Deacon again yells for Dana to make the cover. Dana pulls Jack out of the corner and into the ring. He makes sure Jack is away from the ropes before making the cover. 1ā¦2ā¦NO! Jack kicks out. Dana canāt believe it and Deacon is losing his mind on the outside. Deacon begins yelling at him to do it again. Dana pulls Jack up and pushes him back to the corner. The crowd begins chanting āJodie Give Him a Chanceā and Dana canāt believe it. He soaks it all in ignoring Deaconās directions to hurry up. Dana taunts to the crowd as they continue to chant his move and then he runs at Jack, but he took to long and runs into an Icon Kick! The crowd goes silent.
Randy: Oh no.
Hawke: Dana was having his moment, and then it all came to an end.
Jack drops onto the lifeless body of Dana and the ref makes the count.
Hawke: This is academic now.
Randy: Still gotta count to three.
1ā¦2ā¦NO! Somehow Dana rolls the shoulder. Jack gets up to his knees and canāt believe it. He quickly mounts his foe and sends lefts and rights to the face of the beekeeper. Dana is barely blocking the shots. Jack makes another cover 1ā¦2ā¦NO! Again, Dana will not quit.
Randy: Dana should just stay down.
Hawke: He should. But there doesnāt seem to be any quit in this beekeeper.
Jack canāt believe it, but heās not letting up. He quickly climbs to the top rope. He gets his balance and the crowd begins to cheer as Jack flies through the air, JACKPOT! Jack nails the double stomp and makes the cover. 1ā¦2ā¦3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner by pinfall, and moving on in the End of Days tournament, JACK DIAMOND!
Randy: Wow. Dana gave his all tonight.
Hawke: On paper this match should not have been close, but Dana would not give up.
Randy: He ran. He hid. He even fought for his life. Dana has exceeded expectations tonight.
Hawke: But in the end, the house always wins and Jack Diamond stands tall.
Jack throws his arms on the air for a brief moment before helping Dana up to his feet. Jack extends his hand out to his student, but before Dana can decide if he wants to shake or not Deacon gets in the ring and directs Dana out of the ring. Jack shrugs and celebrates his victory.
Hawke: Oh, it looks like our host has moved from the gateway to the entrance curtain.
A split screen shows Bones gapping hell portal now positioned next to the curtains, apparently looking to feast on more performers.
A middle aged Japanese man in a smart suit enters the ring. GUNS and probably J-RoK fans will recognize him as Rival Recruiter Ozawa, while in CARS may think he recognizes RRR team principle, Man Darino.
Hawke: What does he want?
Randy: Probably to lure us to Bones as regular commentators.
The announce team put their hands over the ears to block the siren song of Rival Recruiter's silver tongue.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "Redmond Fury - get your steroid abusing ass out here!"
"Real American" pumps over the PA system as Redmond Fury starts to make his way out. Will he walk through the entrance or into ones' mouth instead? Familiar with the Dracolich's appetite, and committed to never doing another story arc roaming around inside an animal - Fury goes for the curtain. The crowd cheers as Mister GUNS heads down the aisle, meeting the horrible Ozawa in the ring.
Redmond Fury: GUNS might be in its off season, but I'm glad to be making an appearance on these End of Days!
The crowd eat it up.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "At Marty's Birthday Bash - you successfully defended your title against Tinto's Eleven."
Redmond Fury: Great show. Despite our differences in the past, I hope Marty and Tinto had a good time. What's it to you?
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "I WAS IN THAT MATCH!"
Redmond Fury (shrug): Tinto brought in a lot of challengers... it's kind of his thing.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "Exactly, and I put it to you that I was robbed!"
Redmond Fury: You want a Phoenix title shot? You got it!
The Buckeye Bruiser tears open his "Fury Road" tee - much to the delight of the female audience. Before the muscular menace can pop Ozawa's head like a pimple, the smaller man raises a hand in protest...
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: Not here - New York isn't worthy of it.
Local crowd doesn't like that.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: I want you at the End of Day Finals!
Redmond Fury: I'd be just as happy to do it tonight, but if you want it to go down during the Finals - it'll be a pleasure kicking your ass!
Rival Recruiter Ozawa (raises hand again): "Not mine... I've recruited the best opponent that money can buy!"
The split screen shows a giant Banana wearing a giant latex hat that looks like a condom. The crowd seem confused.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "Of course, my guest is such a HUGE surprise that I have him wearing a mask. You won't know his true identity until it's too late. Come on down, Safe Sex Advocate BananaDrama!"
Nodding, the giant Banana starts walking.
Hawke: Who could it be?
Randy: Well if Dar is anything to go by, I can see PRICE advocating safe sex.
Before the announcers can make too many guesses, the Banana takes the wrong entrance, and rather than step out through the curtains is swallowed by Bones. The colour drains from RRR's face.
Redmond Fury (looking up at the iron for the spray of blood coming out of the banana, before turning back to RRR): You were saying?
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "I have plenty of talent at my disposal! Say hello to your REAL opponent for the End of Day Finals - this opponent tricked his closest friends into thinking he was dead for years, 'cause he's stone cold! Give a warm round of applause for HUSH PUPPY!"
The split screen shows a giant shoe, which waves at the camera.
Hawke: That's got to be Mongo.
Randy: I developed a real drinking problem when he went away... wow, I can't believe Ozawa has Mongo working for him.
Before the probably head of the Network can give Fury a piece of his mind, Hush Puppy walks into Dinosaur Bones mouth.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa (looking away as bones are spat out): "The humanity!"
Redmond Fury: I don't care if you have a guy dressed as a top hat filled with perfume that has a plum floating in it - under the masks? They are roadkill.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "Really smart guy? Then you won't mind defending against an army! Irregular Sock Goblin, Samba Dancing Newt, Violin Concerto Devil, Tide Pod Challenge Lad, Hound of the Baskervilles' Frisbee, and Camel - COME ON DOWN!"
Hawke: Look at the size of Camel, that has to be Big Drag.
All six charge into Dinosaur Bones mouth.
Redmond Fury: I think the masks make it hard for them to see the correct entrance-
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "You think?"
TripleR kicks the bottom rope.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "Not even Hush Puppy could handle the raw power of... a basic goat!"
The split screen shows nothing.
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "Where did the goat go?"
The Bones entrance belches up a goat leg. Rival Recruiter Ozawa looks ready to cry.
Redmond Fury: Well if you're all out of Masked Superstars, then it looks like it's going to be me and you at-
Before Fury can finish, a pantomime Turtle jumps off the top rope with a double axe-handle chop.
XHF PHOENIX CHAMPIONSHIP
"THE BUCKEYE BRUISER" REDMOND FURY vs. "GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE" GAMERA
"THE BUCKEYE BRUISER" REDMOND FURY vs. "GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE" GAMERA
Randy: It looks like Ozawa had one last superstar up his sleeve!
No sooner does the bell ring then Redmond Fury knocks the turtle down with a lariat. Falling on its back, the turtle struggles to lift itself back up. Fury the steps on its stomach for the 1... 2... 3.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match, and STILL XHF Phoenix Champion, Redmond Fury!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hawke: I can't believe he did it. Under that mask, Gamera was definitely a returning Adrienne Cochrane!
Randy: Welcome back, Adrienne!
Ozawa starts to retreat up the aisle.
Redmond Fury: Hey Ozawa, if this is the last of your Guardians - I'll see you at End of Days!
Rival Recruiter Ozawa: "You are going down you son of a-"
RRR is so angry he trips over Bones' tail. "Real American" plays again as Fury poses for the crowd.
Randy: Wait, is he not taking off the Turtle's mask? I need to know!
Hawke: There you have it fans, another big match to look forward to- Fury will defend his Phoenix championship against Rival Recruiter Ozawa! So even if there arena is a hundred feet underground, the spirit of GUNS is alive and well this End of Day season.
Hawke: Up next we have tag team action coming to the mean streets of Queens.
Randy: Mean? Iāve only met nice people apparently. Look at this cool beer hat someone gave me? (Pulls a Duffy beer hat from under the desk that fits a beer on each side with a hose)
Hawke: The people know you so well Randy.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following bout is scheduled for ONE fall and is an END OF DAYS ANNIHILATOR TOURNAMENT Tag Team match! A winner will be decided either by pinfall or submission, or by the refereeās decision should a count out or disqualification take place!
Hawke: Thatās right folks! End of Days annual Annihilator tournament is underway. Week one we saw some great action from Zoran and Son along with the Anointed.
Randy: Both teams found success week one. The competition heats up each week though, so itās anyoneās tournament.
Hawke: Very true partner. Each week the matches continue until the fourth End of Days show where we will see the finals of both the Annihilator tournament and the Singles tournament come to a head at the End of Days finale.
Randy: In 2022 it was BANG Hermanos who won the Annihilator tournament. Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiente were the perfect combination.
Hawke: Before then we saw winnings teams of the Crinkly Bottom Boys, the Purple Emperors, and our very first Annihilator tournament winners ā Team Viper, composed of Jeffrey Viper and Dylan Black.
Randy: Hard to argue that the teams who win the Annihilator tournament all have gone on to do great things.
Hawke: Thatās an understatement if I have ever heard one.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first! Hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota and Lafayette, Louisiana! They weighed in this evening at four hundred fifty one pounds! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to youā¦ THE END ā Scott Fargo and Mehrunes Smith!
An eerie cold silence drops over the venue as an ominous chanting begins while the lighting begins to darken. Once the building is shrouded in darkness, the sound system and the people are shocked awake by the explosion of the heavily distorted guitars beginning the intro riff to the music. Pale green and murky orange lights circle the building and pulse lightly with the beat of the music. Two spotlights appear in the middle of the entrance way. From the shadows, out walk two men to take their spots. MEHRUNES SMITH, in his trademarked leather coat, strokes at the tentacles of his mask as he surveys the buildings from behind the dead black eyes of the mask while SCOTT FARGO has his sights lasered in on the direction of the ring while he unzips his black hoodie. While making their walk, Smith continues to glare around out at the people while Fargo continues a determined walk, his body swaying with the rough beat. As they near the ring, Smith takes the stairs and skirts along the apron, gesturing out to the crowd as he does. Fargo rolls in under the bottom rope and pounces to his feet. Smith crouches down in the ring and faces toward the hard camera with a tilted head, Fargo poses behind him taking off his hoodie and holding it above his head.
Hawke: Looking to find their way through round one here tonight, this team, The End is looking pumped up for their match.
Randy: I honestly donāt know how you can go wrong with the two styles these two men have brought together. One is known for his risk taking high flying attacks and the other is a striker that can go with the best of them.
Hawke: The End both have a solid technical prowess background that unite the team with a cohesive strategy, but the different styles they bring to the team are what makes them stand out.
Randy: Iām hoping they put on a good show since Off the Wagon didnāt partake this year.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing next! Hailing from parts unknown! They weighed in this evening at a combined weight of four hundred forty nine pounds! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to youā¦ SANCTUARY ā "The Author" Travis Monroe and "The Gladiator" Andrew Daniels!
āThe Sanctuary Humā rumbles throughout the Citi Field venue in Queens, New York. Lights go down to near pitch black before purple mist rises from the entrance stage down the aisle to the ring. From the curtain appears three hooded figures, all of which pose at the top of the stage before walking side by side down the ramp. Green and purple lights strobe the stage and aisle as they make their way towards the ring and all three of them split up, with the first going up on the apron in front of the ramp and the other two go around the ring on opposite sides, climbing the apron at the same time, before all three turn around and pose to the audience with their arms raised at their sides. The hoods flip back after they enter the ring and itās Andrew Daniels and Travis Monroe standing side by side with Kenneth Casper standing behind them in the middle.
Randy: A cold chill has swept through Citi Field with that entrance. (Shivers)
Hawke: Likely all that dry ice we saw mist the stage and aisle.
Randy: This team Sanctuary gives me the creeps.
Hawke: We have seen some extremely abnormal folk come to the XHF Network over the years. Sanctuary has added themselves to that list already, and are looking to make a statement in round one of the Annihilator tournament.
Removing the robes and discarding them ringside, the Sanctuary completes their cult-like ritual before Casper exits the ring to stand by the ring post. Their music fades and the lights return to normal.
Hawke: That was intense.
Randy: Bonnie has exited the ring and for goodness sake itās already under way!
TAG TEAM ANNIHILATOR FIRST ROUND MATCH
No DQ Match
The End vs. The Sanctuary
No DQ Match
The End vs. The Sanctuary
DING! Ding! Ding!
Monroe and Fargo begin this one with a slew of punches that force the referee to ring the bell. Travis Monroe batters Scott Fargo back into the corner and goes for a short arm clothesline but Fargo ducks and sneaks behind him. Fargo grabs Monroe by the shoulder and spins him around to deliver a hellacious uppercut! Fargo sends Monroe to the ropes with an Irish whip, jumps up and goes for the Lou thesz press but Monroe catches him and SPINEBUSTER!
Hawke: Scott Fargo meets the canvas with a thud!
Randy: That one was heard in the parking lot of Citi Field stadium.
Hawke: Monroe pulls Fargo to his feet. Scott appears rattled after that spinebuster.
Randy: Gorilla press by Monroe!
Dropping Fargo on his chest as he walks forward and mocks Mehrunes Smith of The End on the apron. Smith tries entering the ring but the referee stops him and this gives Monroe the chance to grab Fargo and push him into his teamās corner. His partner Andrew Daniels uses the tag rope to choke Fargo for a few seconds before letting go to avoid detection by the now aware referee.
Hawke: Sanctuary looking to take every shortcut they can here tonight.
Randy: If you aināt cheating you aināt trying Joey.
Hawke: Fargo comes back out with a right haymaker to Monroe and backs up to elbow Daniels, knocking him off the apron!
Fargo turns back around to swing at Monroe and is back body dropped into the center of the ring! Monroe kicks Fargo in the back before grabbing both arms and placing his knee in the spine of Fargo, stretching him out as he smiles.
Hawke: Just as Scott Fargo was about to gain some momentum, it is stopped by Travis Monroe.
Randy: Monroe lifts Scott up and goes for a full nelson!
Monroe drives Scott into the canvas with a full nelson slam on the upper part of his back. Hooking the leg, he goes for a cover.
One!
TwāKick out!
Barely two as Scott Fargo kicks out and rolls away from Monroe. Trying to get to his corner, Fargo looks to tag in Smith and is a foot away. Monroe grabs him by the leg and drags him back to his corner, tagging in his partner Andrew Daniels as he secures Fargoās ankle.
Randy: Great teamwork here by Sanctuary.
Hawke: Keeping their opponents from tagging out and getting a fresh guy in there.
Daniels comes off the second rope with an elbow drop to the back of Fargo! Daniels gets up and hits the ropes, delivering a knee to a rising Fargo. Daniels go for a quick cover.
One!
Two!
Thrākick out!
Fargo manages to stay in this one with a kick out. Daniels lifts him up and goes for a suplex but Fargo drops behind him and grabs the waist of Daniels before rushing him forward chest first into the turnbuckles! Fargo pins Daniels there and begins laying in with punches and kicks before Daniels knees him in the gut and lifts himself up on the second rope. TORNADO DDT!
Randy: Planted on the canvas with that one!
Hawke: Daniels goes for a cover but Smith is already in the ring and breaks it up. Smith is showing frustration with the way this one is going.
Smith claps his hands to get his partners attention and returns to the apron after the referee warns him of being disqualified if he doesnāt exit by the five count. Daniels pulls Fargo to his feet and mocks Smith as he goes to send Fargo back to his corner with an Irish whip. Fargo reverses and sends Daniels to his teamās corner! Scott comes rushing in and delivers a kitchen sink attack on Daniels in his corner before tagging in Smith!
Hawke: The tag is made! Fargo finally gets a break from the onslaught as his partner takes to the ring.
Randy: Not before delivering a wishbone on Daniels! Teamwork by the End to shift the momentum of this match.
Smith pulls Daniels up to his feet and hits a body slam before hitting the ropes and dropping a leg drop on Daniels. Smith locks in an armbar to lift Daniels up but Daniels elbows him in the stomach to get free before hitting the ropes and coming back with a spinning wheel kick! Daniels rolls through to the apron and waits for Smith to get up. Springboarding off the apron to the top rope and into the ring, Daniels goes high risk and POWERBOMBED!
Hawke: Smith snatches Daniels out of the air and drops him hard with a sit out power bomb!
Randy: Into the cover!
One!
Two!
Broken up!
Monroe with a kick to the head of Smith stops the near fall from completing. Monroe goes after Smith while Fargo enters the ring and swings on Monroe. The referee loses all order in this one as all four wrestlers are up now and slugging it out!
Randy: All out brawl here between Sanctuary and The End!
Hawke: Smith sends Daniels to the corner, and Monroe clotheslines Fargo over the top rope to the outside!
Randy: Daniels with a step up enziguri on Mehrunes Smith! Normally Smith is the one doing that.
The enziguri lands and Smith is staggered. Stepping back Smith shakes the cobwebs as Daniels gets up and comes in for a kick. Itās caught! Spinning him around, Smith grabs the arms and locks in the DROWNER!
Hawke: Triangle Choke!
Randy: This might be all she wrote!
Mehrunes Smith transitions out of the triangle choke and scoops up Andrew Daniels, CALL OF THE DEEP! Mehrunes goes for the cover!
One!
Two!
Three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of this match and ADVANCING in the End of Days Tag Team Annihilator Tournament ā THE END!
The End take center ring and have their arms raised in victory. Earning their way to the next round of the Tag team Annihilator.
Hawke: What a way to go out!
Randy: I didnāt see that coming, a Psycho driver to finish this one. What a move!
Hawke: Sanctuary had all the momentum and it took only a few big momentum shifts to change that. Let's take a peek at the brackets for the semifinals
MEANWHILE... INSIDE THE BEAST.
By the enchanted river of blood maggots, Mutt is cleaning King Edmund IV's Rancor covered royal travel wear, while the King dresses down our motley heroes.
King Edmund IV: You buffoons had her in a room that size and let her escape? I should have you drawn and quartered!
Buff Blueball: We're not in Supremia-
Not even waiting for the order, Mutt throws an iron skull at Buff's head - almost knocking him out.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Seems like we should work on our teamwork skills...
ARM815H1 MK.69: WE SHOULD PURSUE, SHE CANNOT HAVE GOTTEN FAR.
King Edmund IV: MAFIA!
Wiley Sharpe: Yes, that's almost as good a team exercise as tossing around the old pigskin.
AMG: Don't get ahead of yourself minions. You just need to follow orders better.
ARM815H1 MK.69 (pointing at Trekker): THERE SHE IS, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER-
Kudor: NANANANABLAHAAAAAA.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim (reaching into his sack): Yes Kudor, I still have ancient paper from adventure module number 178.
Taking the paper from HWP, King Edmund IV starts to write down roles for the Murder Hobo's mafia game.
ARM815H1 MK.69: FOLLOW ME-
Mutt hands ARM815H1 MK.69 a piece of paper.
ARM815H1 MK.69: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
Wiley Sharpe: Doesn't know his role? Sounds like SCUM to me!
The Murder Hobos throw ARM815H1 MK.69 shade, which is just enough for the Furminator to leave.
ARM815H1 MK.69: THIS IS MADNESS, I WILL NOT LET OUR PREY ESCAPE-
With that The Furminator leaves the group.
Venƶm: Seems like something a Jester would do.
Kudor: Nanunaaanu.
Leaving the Furminator to hunt the Crystal Skull, the rest of the Murder Hobos learn the basic rules to Mafia.
MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE BEAST!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a no disqualification match and is a quarterfinal match in the End of Days tournament!
*The lights dim, blue and gold spotlights slowly circle around the darkened arena. The haunting vocal intro to āThe Hard Sellā by Coheed and Cambria plays. The tron has come to life when the lights dimmed and displays "And now ā¦ The XHF Network presents ā¦ its MAIN ATTRACTION!" A foot shatters the screen as the guitar rocks the arena. DT slowly walks into a blue spotlight on the stage with his head down hidden under a hoodie. It's black and has his custom interlocking DT logo with an Italian flag and mariners compass on it on the back. He stands in the spotlight and slowly looks up showing off his intense, focused face, no hat ā just sunglasses.
"I'm paranoid and sick of this world's misconception of things I did. My language poured across this wrist in a metaphoric disaster.
My guess, I'm missing out the punch line, unless this hanging noose is fitted to be all mine..."
My guess, I'm missing out the punch line, unless this hanging noose is fitted to be all mine..."
He slowly pushes the hood back revealing a serious face as he lowers his sunglasses before pulling them off and placing them in his hoodie pocket as he gazes around the huge stadium. The spotlights turn into one tracking light following him to the ring as he moves with purpose down the ramp.
Bonnie Jenkins: Making his way to the ring, hailing from the emerald city of Seattle, Washington, standing at 6'4" and weighing in at 260 pounds, he is the Master of the Dragon Sleeper ā¦ one half of the longest reigning former XHF Global Tag Team Champions, Top of the Class ā¦ āThe Main Attractionā ... DEATH TRAP!
"I stood by everything I loved, while you never understood me much. Cuz there's only ONE of ME and TOO MANY of YOU fighting over nothing. There's never enough cool for everyone, and before you know it? You're selling out to be in."
He unzips the hoodie as he moves towards the ring and drops the hoodie to the floor as he reaches the ring steps. He stops on the ring steps to look out at the crowd. He climbs to the apron and spins, hooking his arms over the top rope. A blue spotlight illuminates DT in the ring as the crowd erupts for the XHF Legend. The Xtremetron shows āTop of the Class, Cream of the Crop.ā He raises one arm to the crowd with a fist in the air, while pounding his chest with the other, before stepping through the middle rope and running to the opposite side, grasping the top rope as shaking it violently while stomping his feet before looking back at the crowd and spinning in place bouncing on his toes. He steps to the center of the ring before bouncing on his heels back to his corner and stretching on the ropes and cracking his neck and knuckles, waiting for the bell.*
Hawke: Well here is XHF Legend, two-time X*Crown champion, and former End of Days winner Death Trap.
Randy: Pfft he hasnāt won anything in months! Bring on the next challenger! *Downs a full tankard of bad stadium beer*
Hawke: He won to get hereā¦
Randy: *gags and spits up some of his beer.* Well ā¦ thatās a formality and I reject your reality and substitute my own ā¦ fantasy ā¦ world ā¦ where Iām drunker.
āUnsaintedā by Slipknot hits the speakers and the fans begin to cheer. In the ring, DT releases the ropes and begins to look around, confused. Donzig steps onto the stage with a leather jacket on and chewing on a big cigar. A stagehand runs up and grabs the cigar, Donzig tells him to keep it safe, he expects it back. He then turns and tugs at his coat and begins to march to the ring, looking as surly as ever. He high fives a fan here or there as DT begins to point at Donzig and look incredulous as he asks, āREALLY?ā He begins to yell to the fans to stop cheering! Donzig rolls into the ring and smirks as he steps to the center of the ring. He catches the attention of DT and just shrugs and tells him to bring it as we wait for the bell.
Bonnie Jenkins: And the opponent, he comes to us from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He stands 6 feet and 1 inch and weighed in today at 210 pounds. He is The Wonder and Terror of this Age ā¦ DONZIG!
Randy: I donāt think Death Trap knows how to handle a cheering crowd for Donzig.
Hawke: Well you can tell by the lack of a mask that this is not the Scourge standing before us. I wonder how that will affect this match.
Bill Flamingo is in the ring to officiate this match and he beings both men in. He explains what his expectations are and then asks them if they understand ā¦ how manly his moustache is. DT cocks an eyebrow while Donzig gives it a look and shrugs. Flamingo calls for the bell.
END OF DAYS SINGLES TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH
No DQ Match
Death Trap vs. Donzig
DING DING DING!
The two bitter enemies begin to circle each other. Donzig moves in and DT blocks his face expecting the brawling onslaught. However Donzig gets him in a rear waist lock instead. DT looks up confused and quickly ducks to the side and gets a side headlock on the War that Walks. Donzig shoves him off the ropes and catches the Seattle Superstar on the return in a sleeper hold. Death Trap cocks an eyebrow again as he lowers his hands from clothesline blocking height again. With a scowl, the Main Attraction grabs the face of the Wonder and Terror of this Age and snapmares him to the mat and applies a surfboard stretch. He leans in to the ear of his opponent.
Death Trap: Not falling for this ruse, you sick bastard.
Donzig: Well with an attitude like that itās no wonder they say I hate you. Also try breath mints.
The former X*Crown champ recoils from this in shock and transitions into a stretch on the left arm and begins to rain hammer and anvil elbows to the face of the Great Dark. Turtling up, the Pittsburgh native catches the elbow and pulls the bigger man back into a quick roll up to break this hold. DT kicks out immediately and on standing launches a high roundhouse which gets ducked. A quick hammerlock from Donzig is followed by a reversal into a hammerlock by DT. A tap of the shoulder and then a duck allows Donzig to grab the leg of DT and pull it forward, DT breaks the hammerlock to hop as Donzig hits a dragon screw. DT rolls to his hands and knees and then shoots up to dodge a running punt or knee that never comes. Instead Donzig catches him as he rises and hits a snap suplex. Trap sits up on the mat looking very confused and frustrated.
Randy:What do we have here? It looks like Donzig is in the head of Death Trap.
Hawke: Yeah you would assume that a stand up technical wrestling match would favor DT, one of the more technically sound submission minded wrestlers we have on the roster.
Randy: But heās never dealt with a Donzig like this. He clearly prepared for the Scourgeās smash mouth style.
Hawke: He better adapt quick if he wants to keep his new momentum going and finally get a singles win over Donzig here.
Slamming his hand on the mat, the Master of the dragon sleeper rises to his feet and is immediately beset upon by the war that walks. Donzig tries for another suplex but DT blocks it by hooking his leg on the attacker. He then lifts Donzig with a snap suplex of his own. He immediately dives on with a dragon sleeper, knee to the spine edition. Donzig scoots to the ropes and places a foot on it. Bill Flamingo begins to count. At threeā¦
Death Trap: Why are you counting?
Bill Flamingo: You have till 5!
Death Trap: Or what? You gonna disqualify me in a no DQ match?
While this has clearly let the submission go beyond 5. Bill Flamingo backs down but the distraction is enough for Donzig to scoot close enough to use his free hand to pull himself under the ropes and out of the hold. DT pops to his feet and glares at Flamingo before appealing to the crowd. Donzig strokes his beard on the outside, coming up with a plan. Trap turns back to his hated rival and beckons him into the ring. Donzig decides this would be foolish however and smirks as he grabs a chair from under the ring. He tosses it over the ropes. DT looks up to catch it and Death in High Places slides into the ring and tackles DT to the mat, chair clattering down next to them. Donzig pulls the right leg of DT up and rolls him into an ankle lock before shouting at him to tap. Trap looks at the ropes ā¦ and then grumbles. He plants his hands on the mat and pushes up into the air. He tucks his body and does a forward roll, sending his rival stumbling forward towards the corner. Donzig catches himself by grabbing the rope. But DT barrels in and hits a shotgun dropkick. As he rolls to his feet, he eyes up the chair. He thinks about it a moment before scoffing and pulling his rival to his feet. A kick to the gut hunches the bearded bastard over and a Muay Thai knee to the face stands him up straight. A high roundhouse is again ducked, but DT spins back the other way with his back roundhouse he calls the Hard Sell. But Donzig green has this one scouted, having seen it too many times from Fox and Spike. The kick is caught and DT is dropped back into an ankle lock, this time with a leg grapevine!
Randy: He just outthought the submission specialist.
Hawke: Death Trap needs to stop assuming Donzig is a brawler and adapt, or he is going to lose this match.
DT grabs his head in his hands and yells again. Both in pain and rage. He once again eyes up the chair ā¦ within armās reach. He reaches for it but stops himself. He instead manages to roll to his side to relieve the tension slightly. He then does a crunch to get closer to his own legs and begins to punch the right knee of Donzig. When the Great Dark throttles the leg even harder, DT changes tactic and begins to torque the foot of Donzig at an extreme angle. Finally the WUK star breaks the hold and rolls to the apron. Meanwhile, DT rolls away and onto the chair holding his right leg in pain. Donzig climbs to his feet at the ropes and charges in for a senton. DT quickly dodges and the Great Dark crashes onto the chair in pain. DT pounces onto him and locks in a front guillotine choke.
Death Trap: TAP OUT YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Donzig: Notā¦*cough* Happening!
Death Trap: I am not letting you out of this round, you have done too much to me!
Donzig: Boy, I donāt even KNOW you!
DTās eyes light up with fire at this comment. He wrenches in the hold even tighter and lifts the war that walks to his feet while keeping the choke locked in. A drop with a DDT leads to a roll through back into the grounded choke!
Death Trap: You can frustrate me all you want, but you cannot beat me like this. You give me what I want or I swear Iāll choke you until you stop moving.
Donzig: *quieter, catching breath* How magnanimous of you, such a great hero and role model.
Death Trap: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAP! You wanna know who the fuck I am?
Donzig however doesnāt answer or tap. He instead rolls DT over in his rage and puts all his weight on the shoulders.
ONE!
TW-DT breaks the hold and kicks out.
Donzig races to his feet and stumbles back to the ropes holding his throat.
Donzig: You got anger problems.
Death Trap: *rising* No ā¦ I just have an asshole problem. One I am about to solve.
DT charges at Donzig, but Donzig rolls under the clothesline and then drops to the mat to avoid a rebound leaping knee strike. He catches DT from behind with the half nelson choke (Tazmission). DT struggles to break the hold before it can be locked in, but Donzig drops to the mat and body scissors the former global tag champ. DT flails and grabs for the ropes. Donzig wrenches back hard as the life starts to fade from the eyes of DT. Inching to the ropes, the submission specialist is able to plant his feet onto the middle rope and pull up. Donzig is unable to maintain the body scissors allowing DT to kick off and bridge over into a pin.
ONE!
TW-Donzig releases the hold and kicks out.
Hawke: These two are trading submissions and trying to wear each other own.
Randy: The difference is Donzig is just trying to win. DT is trying to get revenge and make Donzig suffer. Which is an unusual thing to say out loudā¦
The Main Attraction rolls under the ropes to the apron. Donzig approaches with caution. He reaches over and grabs DT by the hair only to get yanked down throat first on the top rope. DT slingshots over the back of the War that Walks and hits a sunset flip. He doesnāt hold it though as he shoves Donzig forward and pops to his feet. As Donzig rolls to his knees, DTās knee crashes into the side of his head. Now DT pins.
ONE!
TW-Kickout!
A smirk crosses the face of Death Trap as he amps up the crowd. He pulls his foe to a vertical base and gets an uppercut to the jaw for his trouble. A few haymakers stagger the former X*Crown champ. A clothesline puts the main attraction to the mat. Donzig shakes out the cobwebs and adjusts his jaw. He rains down fists to the head of the sitting DT before he slaps DT across the face sending him to the mat.
Donzig: You said I was gonna find out who you were. Iām not impressed so far.
DT kips up and shouts in rage before charging right into a front facelock which Donzig uses to torque the neck of the former MCCW champ. DT however transitions it into a northern lights suplex and holds the bridge.
ONE-kickout.
Death Trap: Stay the fuck down or give me the Scourge you bastard.
Donzig kips up and cracks his neck. He shrugs and grapples with DT. They jockey around the ring before Donzig steps on DTās foot and uses that the hit a big European Uppercut. He kicks DT in the gut and looks for the 25:17 but DT rotates out of it and hits a butterfly suplex. Donzig rolls to his feet and gets two quick punches to the gut, a rib kick, and clinched knee to the head before the question mark kick sends him sprawling.
Randy: Quick Kill combo by DT. Iāll drink to that!
Hawke: Youāll drink to anything.
Death Trap presses his advantage and lifts the left arm of the prone Wonder and Terror. He then grinds his elbow into the side of the head and neck. Donzig uses his free hand to pull the leg from under DT. He then rolls to his knees and hits the sitting DT with a headbutt. And then another. DT reaches to his side ā¦ On the third headbutt, DT brings the chair up in front of him and lets Donzig headbutt that. The war that walks recoils and grabs his head.
Death Trap: You arenāt very smart. Why donāt you give me the Scourge and let me expunge him from your mind forever?
Donzig: Why donāt you shut the fuck up, eh? We both know you wonāt use-
DT raises the chair and slams it into the back of the man kneeling in front of him.
Donzig: Hahaha, that all you got? You aināt got it in you to-
Death Trap: Iām trying to be nice and magnanimous here. But if you think I will wait forever for this to give me what I want?
DT raises the chair. Donzig extends his arms out to his sides and looks right at DT. DT glares back. Donzig laughs. DT starts to lower the chair. The WUK wrestler nods. He starts to get to his feet. THWACK! The chair crashes down onto the bald skull of the Great Dark.
Randy: HOLY HELL! I didnāt know DT had it in him!
Hawke: Well it is legal so I guess DT is willing to play that game.
Donzig stumbles to the ropes and holds his hand to his head. As he looks at his hand the edge of the chair buries in his gut. DT then drops the chair and hits the forward Russian Leg Sweep slamming Donzig face first into the chair. He exhales and then even smiles a little as the crowd are stunned. He grabs the beard of the beast and pulls his head up.
Death Trap: Think youāve fucking found out yet?
Donzig: My mother hits harder.
Death Trap slams him face first on the chair again and then locks in the Death Trap! The patented dragon clutch is locked in and DT sits back to really wrench it home. He shouts for Bill Flamingo to ask him. Donzig just spits blood from his busted lip and grunts in pain. DT tightens his grip and leans back even further. Donzigās eyes roll back into his head. With the last of his energy he frees the chair from beneath him and swings it backwards cracking DT in the skull with it breaking the hold. DT rolls out of the ring in pain as Donzig lies face down in agony. He releases the chair and pushes up to his hands and knees. DT staggers to the barricade holding his bloody nose.
Hawke: That chair being left there really saved Donzigās bacon there.
Randy: A careless mistake by DT. Heās getting to amped up. He needs a drink. HEY DEATH TRAP DRINK SUPER SAKE! ā¦ RESPONSIBLY!
DT stumbles back to the ring as the crowd chants, āTHIS IS AWESOME!ā DT looks all around the arena and hits that signature pose as the fans cheer. The Main Attraction reaches into the ring and pulls Donzig under the bottom rope by his boot. He spins the man around to kick him in the face but Death in High Places kicks him square in the jewels! He then grabs the face of DT and slams a headbutt into him before clotheslining him to the floor. Reaching under the ring, Donzig is looking for something. He tosses a trash can lid, kendo stick, and baseball bat out ā¦ DT slowly inches away and uses the barricade to pull to his feet.
Death Trap: *An octave higher than normal* You son of a bitch. You think thatās dangerous? CJ Walker hits harder.
Donzig spins and DT ducks ā¦ but he isnāt holding a weapon. Itās ā¦ a metal mask ā¦ which he slowly raises to his face ā¦ and covers those empty black holes he calls eyes.
Donzig: I told you Iād beat you to within an inch of your life, eh! Come and get it. I will rip you asunder.
Death Trap: *laughing* No ā¦ I end you here and now-
DT never finishes the thought as Donzig explodes from where he stands and crushes DTās face into the barricade with a running knee. Before he can even crumple in a heap, The Scourge pulls him to his feet and grabs the trash can lid and uses it to slam DT in the head. He whips DT off the barricade and into the steel steps. Another running knee sandwiches the main attractionās chest in between unforgiving steel and knee brace. The Scourge grabs the kendo stick and hits DT across the throat before ramming the point right into his neck and holding it there.
Randy: Well, Dave, you wanted the Scourge! Congrats! You played yourself! *He raises a glass then downs the entire pint of Guiness.*
Hawke: Yeah DT wants to prove his win last week wasnāt a fluke and settle an old score, two birds with one stone.
Randy: He hunted an ostrich with a pebbleā¦
Donzig leans in and scowls at his enemy. He releases the choke and then body slams DT onto the steps. The Main Attraction bounces off the steps to the other side and arches his bag in agony. Donzig leaps onto the steps and then off of them with a knee drop to the spine and locks in a Bulldog Choke. Bill Flamingo reminds him he canāt win outside the ring.
Donzig: FUCK OFF! I WILL KILL HIM WHERE I WANT TO!
Death Trap struggles with this sudden onset of violence and coughs and sputters. He tries to pry the arm off his throat but canāt get a good grip. So he reaches under the ring ā¦ and pulls out a fire extinguisher ā¦ he points the hose at Donzig and blasts him with it. While the mask saves his sight, the temperature sends him rolling away from his quarry lest he get dry ice burns from the chemical spray. DT pushes to his hands and knees then kneels and throws the extinguisher at the legs of the Scourge. Donzig leaps over it but it gives time for DT to reach under the ring. The Scourge however is on him and pulls him away. He hooks him and hits a vertical suplex on the floor. He rolls DT over and pulls him up enough to bounce DTās face off his knee with the face breaker. The Scourge laughs behind his mask as DT crawls to the announce table. Wasting no time, the Scourge follows and kicks DT in the stomach before rolling him onto the table. He then backs up and climbs the apron. He removes his mask and stares at DT with those soulless eyes. He leaps off for an elbow drop but DT swings his arm over and basically hits a home run on Donzigās chest with the bat he had hidden. The Scourge falls short of the table and crashes to the ground next to it, clutching his sternum.
Hawke: Where did he have that bat?
Randy: Donzig missed him grabbing it when he pulled him away from the ring apron.
Hawke: Well he saved our table.
DT is slow to roll off the table. He twirls the bat as he lands. Donzig sits up ā¦ and gets a Negan style smash to the face. DT then limps over ā¦ slowly and with purpose. He stands over the Scourge mask Donzig had retrieved. He laughs and taunts to the crowd before he raises his weapon and smashes the mask with the bat!
Death Trap: Wonāt be needing this anymore. Scourge ā¦ itās over for you. Iām ending you here and ā
Donzig: YOU TALK TOO MUCH!
Donzig has the kendo stick from before and as he kneels up he swings it into DTās right leg! He then swings three more times before DT slams the nub of the bat into Donzigās face to stop the onslaught. As DT hobbles away, the Scourge lays on the ground bleeding from his forehead. DT now limps back to Donzig and locks in the Lebell Lock using the bat as leverage on the crossface!
Randy: BAT ASSISTED SEATTLE STRETCH!
Hawke: Heās trying to really damage Donzig here. And it seems the antics have turned the crowd sour on the Scourge.
Death Trap: GIVE UP!
Donzig: HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU!
DT wrenches the hold back hard ā¦ he keeps the pressure on and occasionally checks with Bill Flamingo who says Donzig is refusing to tap. Suddenly the bat snaps and the hold is released as DT falls backwards. The Scourge scurries away from him and looks to recover. DT wisely rolls into the ring. The Wonder and Terror of this world stumbles over to the timekeeper and gets a chair. DT grabs the chair that is already in the ring. Donzig slowly stalks to the steel steps and slowly climbs.
Donzig: To think I failed to end your career twice. Well, third timeās the charm, eh?
Donzig steps into the ring and they circle each other. Donzig swings the chair overhead ā¦ and DT does the same. CLANG! Donzig swings to the side and DT blocks it. CRASH! Donzig scowls as DT returns the look. With a grimace of pain the two men swing away. CRACK! SMACK! CLANG! Eventually the chairs fall to the mat, both men holding their wrists. DT charges ā¦ RIGHT INTO A BLACK MIST! DT howls in pain and wipes at his eyes. Donzig drools the leftover ichor and laughs. He slowly stalks to the blinded DT. Fists fly as the former X*Crown champ flails wildly. Donzig shoots in and hits a roaring elbow to the back of the head. He pins.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by DT.
Donzig just laughs again. He pulls the blinded man to his vertical base and kicks him in the gut. EVENT HORIZ-NO! DT shoves him forward and away. Out of instinct he fires a high kick and Donzig runs right into it. A fan tosses a water bottle into the ring and it makes a noise as it lands and rolls to DT. He blindly feels for it before he finds it. He quickly opens it and pours it over his face and eyes. The Scourge gets his bearings and growls. He charges in ā¦ and DT sprays the water in his face! The murky black water temporarily disorients the Scourge and DT grabs the chair from the mat and blasts him in the head point blank with an overhead shot, denting the chair and letting the Scourge collapse to the mat.
Hawke: HOLY HELL! An unprotected chair shot to the head of a disoriented foe! DT is truly desperate.
Randy: His whole point today is that he canāt beat the Scourge and heās proving it here. Or maybe not?
DT pins.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-Donzig jerks violently and breaks the pin!
Death Trap: STAY THE FUCK DOWN!
Donzig: THE FUCK? Where am I? Am I bleeding? Whereās my drink?
DT sighs and shrugs. He pulls the newly restored Donzig green up to his feet and sets up for the Main Attraction cradle DDT. But the war that walks blocks it and hits a northern lights suplex onto the chair! DT howls in pain. Donzig shakes out the cobwebs again and grabs the former champ into the Sicilian Cloverleaf! DT refuses to tap and struggles to get to the ropes. He pulls, and crawls, and drags the angry Donzig. Finally DT gets to the ropes. And nothing happens. Bill Flamingo shrugs. DT shouts in pain and reaches up to the middle rope. He uses it to leverage himself up enough to send Donzig forward and off of his legs. DT scrambles to the corner to lean on the turnbuckle.
Randy: I donāt know what to expect here, this could go either way. Both men are battered and neither are drunk!
Hawke:Uh ā¦ maybe punch drunk. Donzigās menace seems to have subsided but now heās taking it to DT with that strategy from earlier.
Donzig barrels into the corner and hits a running splash. He whips DT to the opposite corner and repeats it. He whips DT back to the corner and charges in. DT dodges and Donzig crashes chest first into the turnbuckle. He spins and sees DT come in with a shoulder to the gut. DT backs up and rams a second time but Donzig leaps up to the middle rope and lets him crash into the metal pole. DT pulls himself out and Donzig hits a huge haymaker from the middle rope. He slowly steps up to the top rope to size up DT ā¦ when the Main Attraction stumbles to the side and hits the top rope and Donzig crotches himself on the corner!
Death Trap: Fuck ā¦ off ā¦ and die.
DT climbs the turnbuckle and lays in a few punches to Donzig. Donzig hits a headbutt. Then another. DT stumbles back to the floor. Donzig pulls his legs free and moves back to the middle rope, when DT leaps up to the middle rope and hooks the head of Donzig. He pulls him up and drops him on his head with the cradle DDT off the middle rope and onto a chair!!!
Hawke: GOD DAMN! Main Attraction off the middle rope to the chair! Donzig wouldnāt give up so DT is trying to give him brain trauma.
Randy: Hey! Drain Bamage is no joke!
Hawke: Apparently neither is alcohol poisoning.
DT rolls the Scourge away from the ropes and hooks both legs tight.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bill Flamingo calls for the bell!
Bonnie Jenkins: YOUR WINNER! Advancing to the semifinals of the End of Days Tournament ā¦ to face Jack Diamond ā¦ the Main Attraction ā¦ DEATH TRAP!!!!
DT releases the legs and sits up. He holds his head in shock and laughs. He rises to his feet, stumbles, and then grabs the ref to have his hand raised. āThe Hard Sellā hits the speakers as he soaks in the cheers.
Randy: Well DT won. But he didnāt get the pin on the Scourge ā¦
Hawke: Something tells me this wonāt go over well with either of these men, this is far from over ā¦ but we know now that itāll be Death Trap versus Jack Diamond in France next week!
MEANWHILE... INSIDE THE BEAST.
ARM815H1 MK.69: DON'T PLAY HARD TO GET.
Trekker: This isn't Risa, perv!
Across the weeping plains, there is about twenty feet between ARM815H1 MK.69 and the fleeing Trekker.
CRYSTAL SKULL CHAMPIONSHIP
Paramount+'s Star Trekker (c) vs. ARM815H1 MK.69
Before Trekker can escape... she's stopped by a mole man. Two dozen Mole Men crawl out of the weeping plains, blindly clawing at the irritating footsteps. While Trekker matrixes under the beasts, ARM815H1 MK.69 takes a very different approach. Claws out, the Furminator starts tearing the beast men apart like tissue paper. The Weeping Plains are soon covered in a river of blood. Watching another dozen of the monsters attack the furious ARM815H1 MK.69, Trekker sees another window to escape... then notices that her outfit is absolutely drenched in blood. So much blood, that her uniform is now that of a Red Shirt. A Red Shirt!? This can't be! Trekker isn't disposable! This isn't her first away mission! She has a memorable face! This was clearly a mistake! Freaking out over the change in uniform, Trekker is so distraught that she leaves the Crystal Skull behind. While she maintains a 100% escape record, when the last of the Mole Men are put down - a new hand wields the holy artifact capable of escaping this hell.
Winner: ARM815H1 MK.69
SPOILS: The Crystal Skull Championship, Mole Hide x 12.
Holding the Skull, ARM815H1 MK.69 turns back to his frustrating fellow travellers. Fox must die, but a few minutes to collect his friends will not stop that inevitable conclusion.
MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE BEAST!
The shot fades up on the front row where Cross Recoba sits with the X*Crown and Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship belts slung over his shoulders. The man has a smug grin on his face. A ticking sound is heard throughout the Citi Field stadium before the lights dim around the stadium crowd and focus on the entrance stage. Dinosaur Bones banners hanging on either side of the XtremeTron that was brought in tonight by XHF. The ticking stops and simultaneously the stage is saturated in red light.
āEverything Endsā by Slipknot slashes through the arena and the crowd knows what is coming next!
ā« You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think I'm gonna be sick and it's your fault
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything ā«
The drums and guitar smash through the speakers as the stage shows a hologram of a skeleton prehistoric lizard appear at the top of the entrance ramp. The red light on the stage begins flickering to the bass of the song as the stage opens up and smoke pours out as the body of Jesse Jamester ascends to the stage level. Six bodies stand surrounding him, all wearing dinosaur skull masks with black underneath to hide their identities. Turning around, Jesse reveals his scaly dinosaur mask that has been synonymous with his name since arriving in the XHF. Lifting his hand up, Jesse removes the left half of the mask and reveals a half skull and bone mask underneath. He tosses the half mask to the ground and begins his walk down the ramp towards the ring.
Hawke: History runs deep here with Steve Awesome and Jesse Jamester. Dating all the way back to Northern Pro Wrestling.
Randy: These two have slugged it out in NPW, REIGN, JROK, and the XHF on multiple occasions. There is no denying the grudge these two hold between one another.
Hawke: With this match being no disqualification, I expect we are in for a bloodbath by the time these two are done.
Walking around the ringside area, Jesse lifts the ring next to the steel steps and pulls out a roll of barbed wire with wire cutters. Placing it under the bottom turnbuckle, he proceeds to enter the ring. Jesse removes the black scaly right shoulder pad that wraps around his chest and under the other arm and cracks his neck as he snarls at the referee and pumps a fist in the air to a mixed reaction from the Dinosaur Bones audience.
Hawke: Jesse and Steve have fought before in a 3-way for the Hardkore title, where Jesse lost to Steve after beating Jason Long. Jesse is still angry about a forged letter that was sent to him with a package that allegedly had Clydeās eyeball inside. Given the Hollywood connections, Awesome was a prime suspect to be the one behind it.
Randy: You can tell that Jesse hates Steve. He only uses barbed wire on his worst enemies. Apparently, allegedly helping Julius puts you in that category.
The theme from āJurassic Parkā by John Williams plays as Hasbulla rides out in the power wheel version of one of the filmās jeeps. He is dressed as John Hammond and even has a tiny white goatee. Various men in Jurassic Park uniforms, potentially Russian and definitely intimidating, carry out various boards with barbed wire attached to them. Hasbulla barks at Jesse to stay back as the men set up these boards around the outside, in the ring and in two corners.
Hawke: Well, this is a surprise. Habsulla, One of Steveās stable mates in The Anointed, has joined us at ringside. Apparently, the little John Hammond has brought lots of barbed wire to keep his prize t-rex caged up.
Randy: I donāt know if this is a good idea. Jesse isnāt afraid to use barbed wire and even brought some of his own. Part of me wonders if Hasbulla is actually helping here or trying to make tonight tougher for Steve.
Hawke: Yes, Steve and Hasbullaās best friend Alexander Von Blankenship were both in the same group match last week. Tempers flared between the usual Anointed allies and some suspected that Steve played possum while AVB got choked out.
Hasbulla drives over to the desk and tosses something to Randy before yelling in Russian.
Randy: Is this a goat onesie? I aināt putting this on.
Hasbulla brandishes a taser and Randy reluctantly puts on his cute goat costume. Hasbulla yanks him away by a Spirit Halloween chain on the costumeās leg.
Hawke: Apparently, my commentary partner has been chosen as a potential t-rex snack. Our thoughts go out to Nelly.
All the lights in the arena die out and the fans in attendance start chanting his name.
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Dramatic Pause.
"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"
The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash green and black to the beat as Steve Awesome comes running out with intensity to the hyped up chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones.
āLonely nights/ and a whole lot of wasted time!
If you see her wont you tell her for me/
It's better this way to avoid all the miseryā
If you see her wont you tell her for me/
It's better this way to avoid all the miseryā
Bonnie Jenkins: Making his way to the ring he hails from Detroit, Michigan. He stands 6ā2 and weighs 238 pounds. He is the XHF Hardcore Champion and the face of the franchiseā¦.STEVE AWESOME!
Steve appears on the entrance ramp flanked by the lovable baseball mascot, Mr.Met. Awesome looks apprehensive and shouts towards Hasbulla in frustration. The little John Hammon gives a thumbs up and then points his taser at Randy, forcing the goat to give one too.
Hawke: Apparently, Steve did not get the memo about Hasbulla adding all this barbed wire to the match. Awesomeās refusing to wrestle under these conditions, heās ordering Mr.Met to go down to the ring and talk to the referee about it.
END OF DAYS SINGLES TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH
No DQ Match
Jesse Jamester vs. Steve Awesome
Mr.Met starts to cheerfully march down the ramp only to eat a big boot from Jesse. The mascot drops to the floor and the cartoon head rolls off, revealing Tuna Meltzer in the suit. Jamester brings the fight to the franchise as the fans cheer.
Hawke: Jesse is through waiting to get his hands on his enemy. Heās hammering Steve in the aisleway, placing the Mr.Met mascot head on him backwards and punching the blinded Hardcore champion! Meanwhile Papito has signaled for the bell to begin this match. Does he care that neither of the wrestlers are in the ring? Of course not!
Jesse steps back and uppercuts Steve with the mascot head still covering his face! The crowd is on their feet, loudly cheering Jesse as he bearhugs him in the aisle. Jesse storms over to the security rail and hotshots Steveās throat on the railing.
Hawke: The Mr.Met head flies off into the crowd and is caught by a lucky young fan. Jesse Jamester lifts Steve up in a suplex and then drops his stomach on the guardrail!! An overzealous John Blade fan hands Jesse a chair...
Hawke: Steve gets clocked over the head with the chair while heās slumped over the railing!!
Jesse braces his knee against Steveās head and gives him a great big tug back. Steveās eyes bug out, and he writhes around, trying to escape. Papito casually suggests Jesse take it inside the ring. Heās cool if they stay outside too. There are no DQs.
Hawke: Jesse Jamester leans him against the ringpost. He backs up and spears Steve into the ringpost!!
Steveās head bangs against the ringpost and he crumples to the floor. Jesse climbs up to the apron, and gets a running start. Meanwhile, Randy tries to walk back to the desk, but Hsabulla tugs on the prop chain.
Hawke: Jesse Jamester elbow drops Steve from off the apron!!
Citi Field cheers. A frustrated Hasbulla waves his cane in the air. Randy Angel just stands there in the goat costume awkwardly. Jesse pulls Steveās head into his legs, but Steve blocks the piledriver and backdrops him on the concrete.
Hawke: Steve grabs the ringbell off the table. Steve bashes Jesse in the face with the ringbell!!
The crowd boos as Steve brings the timekeeperās bell down across his neck! He hip tosses Jesse Jamester over the railing into the front row. Jesseās boots unintentionally kick a middle aged man in a Syberus t-shirt in the face on the way over.
Hawke: They are now fighting in the crowd, with Steve battering Jesse in the face with a barrage of little jabs. Jesse answers with a massive right hand. Look out!
Steve tosses a bald guy with a āJACK GIVE JODIE THE DIAMONDā sign into Jesse. Steve lands one of his trademark superkicks to the back of the bald man's head and the masked wrestler goes down too.
Hawke: Disgusting! Steve not only assaulted a fan, but potentially gained the trust of a scorned beekeeper. He messes with Jesseās mask as the bigger man rises. Awesome grabs the blinded Jesse and hits a swinging neckbreaker.
Steve pulls Jesse over the railing, back into the ring area. He grabs a chair from a fan and takes a swing at Jame, but Jesse catches the chair. Citi Field comes alive!
Hawke: Jesse wrestles that chair away from Steve and Awesome heads for the hills. Jesse chases him around the ring with that chair!
Steve slides underneath the ropes into the ring. He gets up and waits for Jesse.
Hawke: Steve attacks Jesse down with some kicks as he enters the ring. Awesome goes for a piledriver, but Jesse reverses it into an Alabama slam!
The crowd roars as Papito slides into position
Papito: 1...2...Steve gets his shoulder up
Hawke: Both men rise. Jesse irish whips his opponent, but is caught on the way back with a high leg clothesline. Awesome follows it up with a standing moonsault and pin.
Papito: 1...2...Jesse gets a shoulder up.
Awesome scolds Papitoās counting before getting up to applaud for himself. The crowd boos and Steve mockingly bows to them. Steve turns around and catches a three finger thrust into his throat.
Hawke: Jamester with a belly to belly suplexes across the ring. Wow, Awesome almost collided with the barbed wire plank in the corner.
Steve scoots away from the barbed wire. He slides under the bottom rope and begins to argue with Habsulla at ringside. The tiny man appears to offer his goat as a make good. Neither Steve nor Randy seem interested in this trade. Jamester comes up from behind Steve and German suplexes him in towards the aisleway!! The crowd pops and Awesome crawls back to the ring, clutching his neck.
Hawke: Jamester piledrives him on the floor!! He rolls Steve back inside and t-bone suplexes Awesome across the ring!
Steve begs off, pleading with Jesse not to throw him into one of the razor sharp planks setup in a corner. The XHF faithful chant for Jesse to mutilate the Hardkore Champion. The masked wrestler nods in anticipation as he grabs the franchise by his hair.
Hawke: Steve hits Jesse with a low blow and then belly to belly suplex Jesse into the corner! The murder lizard is writing in pain from the multitude of cuts.
Jesseās mask has small tears in it and blood pours from cuts all over. He struggles to pull free of the barb wire and rise to his feet, receiving a kick to the head for his troubles.
Hawke: Thigh slapping super kick! Awesome makes sure the king of violence gets a second helping of barbed wire.
Steve applies a standing rear naked choke as the murder lizard rises.
Hawke: Jesse is turning red both from blood loss and Steve clamping down on his windpipe. Jamester drops down to his knees.
It looks like Jesse is going to fade, but he staggers back up to his feet. Awesome shakes his head in disbelief as the masked man launches himself backwards into the corner. Citi Field is deafening as the crowd celebrates the hated Awesome finally getting a taste of the barbed wire!! Steve rolls around, clutching his bloodied face.
Hawke: The face of the franchise is now a crimson mask. Steve staggers up to his feet, with some color running down his face.
Steveās arms and shoulders have blood running from brand new deep lacerations. He staggers up and begins to exchange punches with Jesse. Randy tries to wander back to the announce desk, but Hasbulla brandishes the taser towards him.
Hawke: A bleeding Steve lifts him up into an inverted crucifix. He runs to the barbed wire, but Jesse falls forward into an inverted facelock. He drops him into a falling neckbreaker!
Referee Papito: 1...2...Steve gets his shoulder up
Jesse Jamester sits on Steveās back and camel clutches him. He digs his nails into Jesseās deep cuts, making new blood ooze across Steveās face. Papito checks in to see if he submits, but Steve just shrieks in agony.
Hawke: Jesse continues to headbutt a limp and unconscious Steve until Steve brings his knee up into Jesseās groin. Steve gets to his feet and running double knee lifts Jesse in the face!
Steve straightjackets Jamester arms and then uses his own arms to german suplex him and then cradle him with his own wrists
Referee Papito: 1...2...Jesse Jamester gets his shoulder up
Hawke: Awesome with a standing reverse figure four leglock! Jesse Jamester grimacing in pain as the thousands in attendance are urging him to hang on.
Hawke: Steve releases the inverted figure four, and then rakes his bootlace against Jesse Jamester' cut.
Awesome lays a couple stomps to Jesse's head. He backs up and waits for Jesse to get to his feet. He rushes him but Jesse catches him in a powerslam!
Papito: 1...2...Steve kicks out
Hawke: Steve drops to his knees, begging for mercy! Jesse doesn't fall for it this time and irish whips him hard into one of the corners free of any barbed wire. Awesome collides hard with the turnbuckle!
The force flips Steve upside down, and Jesse arranges him into a tree of woe. Jesse then runs and spears Steve hard in the guts.
Hawke: Tuna Meltzer is back! He hits the murder lizard across the back with a steel chair. Jesse doesnāt go down and the dirt sheet writer turns pale as the giant wrestler turns around.
Jamester kicks Tuna in the gut and suplexes them into one of the barbed wire boards on the mat. Citi Field delights in seeing Tuna's face cut and shredded.
Hawke: Jesse with the JesterPlex! He doesnāt see that Steve is back on his and walks right into a thigh slapping superkick!
Steve pulls him up and tigerplexes the masked man before going for a pin.
Papito: 1...2...Jesse Jamester rolls his shoulder up.
Hawke: Steve waits in the corner for the masked man to rise, ātuning up the bandā with repeated crotch chops. It looks like heās planning to go for another superkick. Hasbulla is shouting on the outside.
The tiny Jurassic Park founder gestures to the taser and indicates for Steve to catch it. Awesome nods with a sadistic look on his face.
Hawke: Hasbulla tosses the taser into the ring, but his aim is way off. It lands more towards the dreaded dinosaur than the face of the franchise. Steve scrambles after it and gets speared off of his boots.
Jesse lifts Awesome up and hits a Ā¾ suplex / neckbreaker on to one of the barbed wire boards.
Hawke: The Jesterpex!
Papito: 1...2...3!!!
The crowd cheers as both competitors lay in pools of their blood. Hasbullaās hands on on his head in frustration for a moment before he races off in his power wheel.Randy Angel struggles
Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner and advancing to the semi-finals, Jesse Jamester!
Hawke: A great man once said that Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark, but it seems Hasbulla is more afraid of Steveās wrath. An errant thrown taser cost Awesome his dreams of a third win. Was it a bad throw or did Hasbulla intentionally sabotage things to avenge AVB being knocked at the group stage? More importantly, are we ever going to see Randy again? Regardless, Jesse Jamester has booked his ticket to the semi-finals! Here are the final brackets for next week's semifinals!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Well XHF fans... it's that time... the MAIN EVENT... where Bonsey will put his iron clad stomach on the line against the hated Burger King, to see which food paragon can consume the most calories-
GLUTTONMANIA
DINOSAUR BONES vs. BURGER KING
DINOSAUR BONES vs. BURGER KING
A fleet of forklifts bring dozens of crates full of Baconators to the ring...
MEANWHILE... BACK IN THE BEAST...
Kudor: NANUNANINAAAAAAAA-
The Murder Hobo Express are still bonding over Mafia.
King Edmund IV: You're not suppose to reveal that part of your card, fool. You are modkilled.
Outraged, Kudor lashes out at King Edmund IV - fortunately his aggressions are backwards, so he actually just backflips into the area of eliminated townies. Quite a few of them have been eliminated - with only Venƶm, LiLi, and Harsh Winter Pilgrim still active in the game.
Venƶm: On night 7, you said you were peeping on AMG-
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: IN CHARACTER.
AMG: Whatever pervert.
Venƶm: But Wiley was watching her and didn't see you there-
Suddenly the new Crystal Skull Champion bounds into the middle of the game.
ARM815H1 MK.69: WE HAVE DONE IT! THE SKULL IS OURS! NOW LET US RETURN TO THE SURFACE, AND KILL FOX!
King Edmund IV: Despite wanting to modkill you, we couldn't find a replacement, so you're still active peasant.
ARM815H1 MK.69: MODKILL? NO. WE DON'T NEED TO PLAY THIS GAME, I HAVE THE SKULL-
Venƶm: That's great - but we're almost done here.
Yes, the Murder Hobos seem far more interested in Mafia. The Furminator seems genuinely disgusted.
Venƶm: Pilgrim.
Lili: ęå£.
King Edmund IV: With four remaining, it takes three votes to eliminate.
ARM815H1 MK.69: SAYING PILGRIM WILL END THIS FARCE?
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: These heathens are playing you, brother!
ARM815H1 MK.69: PILGRIM.
King Edmund IV: Harsh Winter Pilgrim is eliminated. Who were you, Pilgrim?
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: I was Blair the town doctor.
King Edmund IV: And that is game over.
ARM815H1 MK.69: FINALLY.
Venƶm: Good Game - suckers!
The Dinosaur Hunter would do a happy dance, if he wasn't crippled.
Venƶm: I was Clark, The Thing. And the winner-
Lili: ę²”é£ä¹åæ«ćęę¾ęÆå©åļ¼ęÆå¹øåč ļ¼ä½č½åęå°ęåļ¼ęå°±ęÆčå©č ć
King Edmunds IV: True. Childs was the Survivor, so Lili is the winner-
ARM815H1 MK.69: FINE, BUT CAN WE FOCUS ON THE SKULL-
King Edmund IV: Yes, that does make Lili the new Crystal Skull Champion-
Winner: Lili
GAINED 5 exp, 2 skill points.
Spoils: Crystal Skull Championship
ARM815H1 MK.69: HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
Venƶm: You were in the match, it was on the line-
The Furminator has the skull over to Lili.
ARM815H1 MK.69: FINE, IT DOESN'T MATTER - JUST SO LONG AS ONE OF US USES IT TO GET ALL OF US OUT.
Rather than use it for an exit, Lili puts the skull on its head as a hat.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Wait, not like that-
Lili looks annoyed that the gang doesn't appreciate his new accessory. Lili doesn't wear pants, accessories are all he's got.
Venƶm: We've made a terrible mistake-
AMG: GET THAT SKULL BACK!
With skull on head, Lili makes a break for it - the Murder Hobo Express start chasing the panda - but his wheelchair is so fast.
Venƶm: STOP HIM! ...and somebody carry me.
Sighing, TrƤcy picks up Venƶm joining the rest of the Murder Hobo Express in chasing the runaway bear across the scarlet salt marshes.
MEANWHILE.... BACK IN CITI FIELDS!
Dinosaur Bones stands triumphant over a sea of baconator wrappers, while the Burger King weeps.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: He's done it! I never counted Bonsey out for a minute - still, watching him pack away seventy thousand Baconators, you have to marvel at how he's going to win the XHF Junior Heavyweight Title at the End of Days Finals. I'll see you there then, but for now thank you for joining Dinosaur Bones for End of Days week 2!
The final shot from the arena sees Dinosaur Bones eat the Burger King.