Please don’t eat me (End of Days JHW)
Oct 18, 2023 17:49:41 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by Venom 🕷 on Oct 18, 2023 17:49:41 GMT -5
Flashback
Halloween 2022
We’re in GUNS Arena locker room, back before it crumbled into the earth. We find El Rey standing in the locker room finishing his costume as Luke Skywalker. The door swings open and his father, Venom, walks in in full Darth Vader gear with the helmet under his arm.
El Rey: Great, you’re here. Can you tell me why you wanted to dress like this for Halloween?
Venom: Are you serious?
El Rey: Yeah?
Venom: Star Wars is the greatest Sci-Fi series ever created and the original trilogy is the best of the bunch.
El Rey: But is it though?
Venom: Yes. It is. Just ask anyone on the internet.
El Rey: Fine, fine. At least we don’t have to dress like one of those stupid Trekkies.
Venom: Of course. I would never make you dress like someone from that far inferior series.
El Rey: Right? Only a loser would choose to dress like that. Only thing worse would be being a Broncos fan.
Venom and El Rey begin mock puking.
El Rey: At least you didn’t want to dress like a member of those horrific dinosaur series.
Venom: Whoa now. Those series’ are a national treasure.
El Rey: Sure they are. They’re iconic like pretending to be a vampire or a pilgrim.
Hard eye roll from El Rey.
El Rey: So I saw my brother this morning dressed as Han Solo before he headed to school and the dog had a Chewbacca harness on. What did you get mom to dress like?
Venom: Queen Amidala.
El Rey: She’s not even in this trilogy.
Venom: Exactly.
El Rey: So you force us to play a part in your family costume, but mom gets off free and clear.
Venom: Of course she is.
El Rey: Fine. Let’s get this stupid segment over with.
Venom puts on the helmet and turns to his son.
Venom: I am your father.
El Rey rolls his eyes again as we cut.
You see this here? This is the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship.
We open on a close up of the aforementioned championship belt. It glitters and shines in the light of the camera. We cut out wide to see El Rey sitting on a bench in a locker room next to his newly reclaimed belt.
El Rey: I didn’t come out to the West Coast to get this beauty back, but it sure was a nice perk. The only down side with winning this again?
El Rey pauses to think.
El Rey: Is it the fact that I have to tour the Network again even though I just put roots down in HardKore World? Nah. I’m young enough to pull double duty. Is it because winning it off of my tag team partner has damaged our relationship? Nah. Papa Z actually seems happier now. So what could the downside be?
El Rey puts his finger to his chin and looks up as if he’s really thinking hard and then returns his focus to the camera.
El Rey: I got it. The only downside is that again I’m fucking forced to defend in a multi-man match! You’ve got to be kidding me right? Papa Z gets back-to-back singles matches and then I win and first match out is against every member of the Dinosaur Bones roster who meets weight? Bullshit!
El Rey stops. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and continues.
El Rey: The worst part about it is I can’t even blame the XHF brass on this one. No. My own partner Papa Z made this happen. Maybe it’s payback for beating him. Maybe he really thinks this will test me and make me grow. Maybe he was just trying to save me from being eaten. No matter his reasoning I am yet again stuck in a match where I can lose my belt without being involved in the finish. Just fucking great.
El Rey again takes a long deep breath to center himself.
El Rey: I shouldn’t be that worried, though. Other than my Dad, who even when in a wheelchair can’t seem to stay away from the business, the only people listed on Dinosaur Bones roster to fit the bill are people that most would consider, well, jobbers.
El Rey raises his eyebrows.
El Rey: So I guess I shouldn’t complain too much. While my dad in his prime was one of the most gifted workers this business has ever seen, he’s not only no longer in his prime, but he’s in a wheel chair without the use of his legs. I mean, really, who poses a threat to me after that? The Trek nerd? The Bird? The guy named after probably the least famous cartoon dog? Psychotic Goth’s side piece? Nah, none of them have what it takes to beat me.
El Rey smiles and looks down at his belt before turning back to the camera.
El Rey: So maybe I shouldn’t be so worried. Maybe I should just go about business as usual and prep for this match like I would any other. Unfortunately, that would imply that this is just any other match.
El Rey shakes his head no.
El Rey: No. Even though it’s a match against my paralyzed dad and a bunch of losers this isn’t just like any other match. Any other match there would be no threat of being eaten whole by a prehistoric monster.
El Rey let’s out a deep sigh and takes a look at the belt and exclaims.
El Rey: You’re lucky you’re so beautiful or I’d let one of these losers take you off my hands.
Andrew we fade.
