HEAVEN SENT, HELL BENT [04: END OF DAYS.]

[Mav.]

Though her words sounded more like a whisper within the wind, the chill that follows always left Jason feeling all too uncomfortable. It wasn’t the greatest way of being reintroduced to the person you left behind all of those years ago but there was a message to be delivered, he could sense it with every sighting of her.

The days might’ve passed, the hours may have counted down, but the seconds that he spent reminiscing of what had happened all of those years ago would leave him a broken down man – it would leave him forgetting where he was, how long he’d spent in a dreamscape. A trance-like state might feel like weeks, perhaps, but it would’ve been only minutes. Everything that had been over the past few weeks weren’t real, which leaves a broken down man shattered into more pieces. The beaches of California might’ve felt real but there wasn’t a truth to what he had seen. The surrounding of friends and family members might’ve left an emotional scar along him but he was left to believe in an imagination.

And it crushed him the more that he came to that realisation that everything was a lie, because of how real it all felt to him. It was a painful experience to go through a false world for weeks and then find yourself faced with having to deal with the reality. Jason knew that it had to end, the restless spirit needs to be released, He could hear her voice continuing to get deep into his head but he was also determined to make sure that the past was the past, that he’d begin to forget, that he’d begin to move on from what’s been holding him back emotionally. That’s all he had his focus on now. Not on the finals this weekend, not on Death Trap, not on the mind games at play by the legendary wrestler he’ll have to meet, but on himself. Solely, just himself and his emotions.

The hours spent in the air, the redirecting flights that took him all the way back to Ireland, and then spending hours upon hours making the drive back down home. To the town that he grew up within for nearly all of his life apart from the past five years. The further away he had gotten from that town, however, was the closer he had gotten to her and where she was supposed to be rested. Jason, and his family, had made sure that she wouldn’t be found in the local cemetery where she could be found but upon a patch of land deep out into the countryside where she would never be found, a future home for their father and her husband but the recent years haven’t been kind enough to make that happen. All there was was a wet, soggy, and disgustingly muddy patch of land upon a large hill that stretched out about fifteen acres.

There she was, though, at the foot of the land. The headstone rested and poked out of the ground, being the only symbol that there was to acknowledge what was buried deep into the ground. He had walked closer and closer toward it, the mud seeping through his shoes with each deep step taken. That’s when he saw her, seated near the headstone, and looking down upon her own grave. Jason wasn’t keen to stay around, he never was when he’d have to be around her grave, he still felt the guilt of what happened all of those years ago.

“What do I need to do?” He spoke, a deep sigh soon followed. However, a switch in tone startles her a little bit, almost making her step back in fear. “Please, for the love of fucking god, tell me what I need to do in order for you to fuck off and out of my head.”

“Jace… you don’t– you don’t mean any of that.” The tears were beginning to build up within her eyes, trying to make him break, but he didn’t believe in what was real and what was fake. “Why does everyone continue to turn on me as if I'm the one that’s in the wrong – I was murdered! By you, of all people! My own, first-born son!”

“I will not ask again—”

She was quick to cut him off, almost snapping to his location and standing right in his face. “If it weren’t for you putting the blade into me, I wouldn’t be haunting you! Just accept me for who I am and what happened, stop ignoring me! I wouldn’t be deep into your mind trying to make you admit to the issues! You caused pain for so many and all you can do is pretend to be numb to it!”

“It’s because I am!” He shouted at the top of his voice. “I don’t feel a fucking thing towards you anymore because I have always been in fucking doubt of who really put an end to you. The more that I accepted that it was me, no matter how anyone could see it, makes it easier to not feel a thing.” He paused for a moment, staring down into the hollow eyes of his mother. “If it’s acceptance to my crimes, then you’ve gotten it and I’ll do my fucking time when I’m dead and buried far as fuck away from you. Just stop putting me in these scenarios that you want to put in my head so I could admit my wrongdoings sooner. I’m done. I’m finished.”

He’d reach into his coat pocket and pull out a small white bag, tightened shut with a small rope. Though, the shape of it’s contents could be told easily in the sunlight shining down, a pocket knife and in the corner of that bag was a dark red patch, just in the corner where the tip of the blade rested. Jason crouched down and buried the soil of her grave with his hands, dropping the bag down into the hole, but he soon hesitates for a second. A deep breath being taken as his eyes close. He reached for his neck, grabbing onto a small chain around it before pulling away and breaking it off of where it rested.

Jason opened up that chain, the locket attached at the end of said chain, and looked at the picture of his mother and himself from years ago at a family gathering. He remembers that night all too well, a perfect night that he’d never forget his love for his dysfunctional family. Any day that wasn’t today would’ve brought a smile along his face, remembering back to the good old days of when everything was perfect, and way before the profession he chose had taken over his life. It was a much different feel this time around, there wasn’t much joy to feel anymore. He had become disassociated from everyone around him, those that cared for him, those that loved him, those that had called him family.

The locket would fall into the small dirt hole, finally being patched up by Jason’s hands. The moment was a hard one, hard to seal the fate of someone that wanted nothing but answers, yet, did everything to ruin the life of someone that loved them deeply. Inside of his mind, he knew he had done the right thing today. He had buried the past where it belonged. Left a restless spirit with answers and admission. And left everything he held onto behind, right in time for his biggest challenge. The story does not end here, it’ll never end. He would love her for as much as he could, there’ll never be a moment he could deny that.

But, for the sake of peace, sacrifices eventually need to be made.

—

I’m unsure as to how I should feel heading into such a big match like this. On one hand, I feel confidence in myself. As someone who’s gone on to be a finalist and even winner of many tournaments in my career, reaching these finals makes me feel ready like I’ve been before in my time. On the other hand, I sense the dread seeping through. I’ve been in many situations where I’ve reached the peak, reached the top of the mountain, and reached immortality just to fall and crumble before the pressure. I can’t simply choose which to feel and which to deny because I feel like I am entering these finals more blind than how I started out this whole tournament.

Death Trap is a very notable name and we’ll not lie there. If we’re being all too realistic here, he’s my biggest challenge around right now and if we’re to admit the truth around here, he’s not someone that I’ve beaten. I’ve only had the chance to face Death Trap a handful of times and neither attempt to defeat the man has sought me to be the victor. He’s always found himself getting the better of me or someone else has, but I took the fall whereas he couldn’t end it himself. No matter what the outcome has been, Death Trap is always one step ahead of me and normally, that wouldn’t really matter to me. It wouldn’t really affect me mentally. However, times do change and so does everyone. I’m a man with a – supposed – known reputation of being the man that can’t do it, the man that always falls at the final hurdle, the bridesmaid but never the bride. No matter what, every cunt known to man has said those words to me. The point continues to be brought up time and time again.

And you’ve got to ask yourself: how does it make you feel and how longer can you let it get to you?

There’s years that I have spent simply just trying to find the real answers that I need to sort myself out. In every instance, I could never find those answers and it hurts me to not be able to accept that the answers are just not out there for me to find. In those times, however, it all began to really affect me—yet, I always found a way to use that and bounce back harder than ever before. Jack Diamond wasn’t someone that I could beat, and it hurt me every time to see him succeed, but I eventually put it to rest when I beat him. Bobby Barratt is another name, and the cycle continued, but I eventually took it all away from him – most notably, the X*Crown itself. So many more names could be mentioned but the name Death Trap is priority number one every fucking time.

I don’t like to beat around the bush and let myself talk with no means behind the words spoken, but I’ve seen something in you change, something in you that doesn’t feel right, and doesn’t make you seem right at all. You’ve become more aggressive, you’ve become more agitated, and you’ve become more... insecure. For a man that I’ve known to truly soak in the spotlight time and time again, it feels like you’re slowly falling off your perch. A man like yourself doesn’t simply just crumble instantly and I understand that all too well, but you’ve been breaking piece by piece for too long now. I’ve heard you through this entire tournament, I’ve had the honour of hearing every word, you want that crown back because it makes you who you are. You can’t be the main attraction when you’re empty handed and nobody can see you as such either when there’s so much better around.

I’d say that but let’s be quite honest here, man. Nobody accepts you as anything anymore and only being here is proving everyone right when they say that they don’t want to see you at the top anymore. So many men have fallen because they can’t simply feed off of the fans anymore and that’s where you begin to crumble because they don’t want you here anymore. They don’t want to see you succeed, they want someone else. They want someone else to move forward and not have someone like you continue to hog up the spotlight anymore. You’ve over-exposed yourself to the world and everyone can see right through you, they know what can happen and what can be done. The tale is as old as time, and for you, you don’t have the time left to continue.

Yet, you’d be the first to remember what needs to be forgotten, wouldn’t you?

I’m a man that can change, almost in a heartbeat, and I can admit to that but it’s because I do whatever it takes to stay fresh and to stay ahead of myself. If I need to step back and reevaluate, then I will. If you could’ve learned that trait, everyone would actually care for you time and time again but nobody fucking does because you’re not the favourite anymore.

I am.

You’re beginning to lose control and lose patience, I can already tell that from a mile away. Simply put it, it’ll make defeating you all the more better but it’s not just about beating you. No, not to me. I have waited six years to really prove myself here on this network. I have waited a very long time to see myself be given the grandest spotlight of them all and to rewrite everything that went wrong beforehand. The crown victory at the end of 2019 remains clouded because nothing felt right about the events that took place. I haven’t looked at that moment as my proudest and it never was my biggest. Six fucking years, it’s taken me to get to this very moment.

Six years ago, I arrived here to the network and was as cocky as I could be at such a young age. The End of Days Finals, 2017. That was my debut here. From then on, I adapted. I changed a lot. I grew. I made improvements. I’ve fallen but I’ve always picked myself up, no matter what. Through pain and torture, I always found my footing. Six years fucking later, David. I am the best that I can be and I’m not going to let a man who can’t let go of his past overcome me when my future still hangs bright above my head. So pretend as if bringing up my past will help you prove a point, you haven’t proven shit for years and that’ll continue until you can accept who you really are. The insecure old man who can’t let go of the one good thing that’s carried him through decades.

They can remember your name but it’ll soon die out with the rest and you can call me whatever the fuck you might want to, Death Trap, but you will address me, after this weekend, as the winner. And then, soon, as the X*Crown Champion.

Because, very simply?

You’re not the real hero here, I’m the real hero.