Post by Rage and Cage on Oct 29, 2023 15:34:35 GMT -5
We find the new Wrestle:United Kingdom Tag Team Champions walking through a parking lot in front of a huge doctors office. Wesley Rage and Nicholas “Honest” Cage both have their tag team championships wrapped around their waist. Nicholas looks at his twin brother (who looks nothing like Cage) and begins talking to him.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “So what’s her name?”
Wesley Rage: “What do you mean?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Your championship. What did you name her?”
Wesley Rage: “Nick, be better. Who’s to say my championship is a “her”?”
Nicholas looks a little perplexed.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Okay, what’d you name it?”
Wesley Rage: “I haven’t named my championship, and you shouldn’t name yours eithe-”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “I named mine “Marlana”...”
Wesley Rage is thinking about it. I mean, the names not terrible, right?
Wesley Rage: “I don’t hate it-”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Dude, Anal Ram!”
Now Wesley Rage looks confused. Like, really confused.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Marlana backwards is Anal Ram. Fucking Anal Ram.”
Wesley Rage has a huge smile on his face.
Wesley Rage: “Well done, brother.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Thanks, little brother.”
Wesley Rage: “So what are we doing today? You said it was going to be an arousing experience.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “We’re doing our civic duty. Today we’re donating our sperm.”
Wesley Rage: “Is this a new thing for you?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Yup! It’s going to be great. In a year's time, there could be a bunch of little Nicky’s running around. Gotta keep the population going.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage stops walking once they reach the door of the office building. He pulls out his marijuana vape pen and takes a few hits. He puts the pen away and walks into the building. Once inside they walk up to the counter. Nobody is behind the counter, but there’s a bell sitting on the counter. Nicholas looks at his brother and grins.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “You know I need to do this right?”
Wesley Rage: “Who am I to stop you-”
Immediately, Cage starts ringing the bell over and over again, obnoxiously. A lady comes storming into the camera view.
Lady: “Can I help you?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Here to donate some jizz.”
Wesley Rage: “Ha! Jizz! Excellent.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Ya think?”
Wesley Rage: “Oh I do.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Thanks, little brothe-”
Lady: “EXCUSE ME! You’re here to make a sperm deposit?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “We are.”
Lady: “Okay, there’s a few questions that need to be answered first.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Ask away. I’m an open book.”
Lady: “Have you had sexual intercourse in the past 48hrs?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Nope!”
The lady looks at Wesley Rage. He looks like he’s thinking.
Wesley Rage: “What time is it?”
The lady looks at her watch.
Lady: “Half past 4pm.”
Wesley Rage: “Carry the 2… NO! It’s been 51hrs since I’ve been pleasured by a woman.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Bro, you got laid? That’s badass!”
Nicholas fist bumps his brother. The lady behind the counter has grown more and more frustrated.
Lady: “Gentlemen, may we continue?”
Wesley Rage: “Yes.”
Lady: “Have you smoked marijuana in the past month?”
Wesley Rage: “Nope.”
The lady and Rage both look at Nicholas.
Lady: “And you?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Nope. Not me. I don’t touch the devil’s lettuce.”
Lady: “Sir, are you sure? I get the feeling that you’re high right now.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Ah, fuck! Yes… I’ve smoked in the past month… I’ve smoked in the past 3 minutes. Son of a bitch!”
Wesley Rage pats his brother on the back.
Wesley Rage: “Don’t worry, brother, I’ll take one for the team and do this!”
Nicholas looks like he’s “choked up” and about to shed a tear.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “This is the sweetest thing I’ve seen since I watched Jack die while looking at Rose in Titanic.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so you’re unable to donate any sperm, thankfully… as for your brother…”
The lady looks at Wesley Rage.
Wesley Rage: “Yeah?”
Lady: “Let’s go. I’ll take you to your room.”
Rage, with Cage in tow, walk into the room. The lady’s eyes go wide as she hands the cup to Rage.
Lady: “Have you done this before?”
Rage: “Been doing this for a decade.”
The lady can’t believe what she’s seeing and quickly leaves the room. Rage loosens up and picks up a magazine. He grins as he opens it. Cage peers over his shoulder and smirks.
Cage: “Fuck, she’s hot!”
Rage screams and throws the magazine.
Rage: “NIC! WHAT THE FUCK!”
Cage: “We’re the tag team champions! I’m here for you! If you can’t fill the cup enough, I can top you off!”
Rage: “That’s not happening.”
Cage: “Fine, I’ll go.”
Rage: “I’m going, too. I can’t get into the mood when I’m scared you’re going to sneak into this room. Some have the voyeur kink, and I support them. But I’m not one of them, so let’s go.”
Cage: “I get it. I guess I can just mail them my sperm.”
Rage: “That won’t work!”
Cage: “I’ll pack it in some dry ice.”
Rage: “That sounds like a crime.”
Cage: “That’s for the cops to decide!”
Rage: “You know them pigs are going to fuck us over! The last thing we need is you in jail as Crane, Warrick and I have to fight the Glucks, Real Lord Dominicus, and Kasper Van Zant.”
Cage: “Van Zant? We’re fighting Lynyrd Skynyrd?”
Rage: “Waiving her fucking treason flag all the way from Louisiana. She doesn’t even know it’s Birmingham, England, not Alabama.”
Cage: “But she is thicc!”
Rage: “No doubt, but the whole ‘State’s rights, white trash’ thing kills it for me.”
Cage: “Wait, from Louisiana? Shit, I bet the Glucks are running a train on her.”
Rage: “As a sex positive ally, I support her choice. That said, she could have better choices in men.”
Cage: “I don’t think the Glucks bathe.”
Rage: “No ‘think’ about it, bro.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “So what’s her name?”
Wesley Rage: “What do you mean?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Your championship. What did you name her?”
Wesley Rage: “Nick, be better. Who’s to say my championship is a “her”?”
Nicholas looks a little perplexed.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Okay, what’d you name it?”
Wesley Rage: “I haven’t named my championship, and you shouldn’t name yours eithe-”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “I named mine “Marlana”...”
Wesley Rage is thinking about it. I mean, the names not terrible, right?
Wesley Rage: “I don’t hate it-”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Dude, Anal Ram!”
Now Wesley Rage looks confused. Like, really confused.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Marlana backwards is Anal Ram. Fucking Anal Ram.”
Wesley Rage has a huge smile on his face.
Wesley Rage: “Well done, brother.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Thanks, little brother.”
Wesley Rage: “So what are we doing today? You said it was going to be an arousing experience.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “We’re doing our civic duty. Today we’re donating our sperm.”
Wesley Rage: “Is this a new thing for you?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Yup! It’s going to be great. In a year's time, there could be a bunch of little Nicky’s running around. Gotta keep the population going.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage stops walking once they reach the door of the office building. He pulls out his marijuana vape pen and takes a few hits. He puts the pen away and walks into the building. Once inside they walk up to the counter. Nobody is behind the counter, but there’s a bell sitting on the counter. Nicholas looks at his brother and grins.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “You know I need to do this right?”
Wesley Rage: “Who am I to stop you-”
Immediately, Cage starts ringing the bell over and over again, obnoxiously. A lady comes storming into the camera view.
Lady: “Can I help you?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Here to donate some jizz.”
Wesley Rage: “Ha! Jizz! Excellent.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Ya think?”
Wesley Rage: “Oh I do.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Thanks, little brothe-”
Lady: “EXCUSE ME! You’re here to make a sperm deposit?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “We are.”
Lady: “Okay, there’s a few questions that need to be answered first.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Ask away. I’m an open book.”
Lady: “Have you had sexual intercourse in the past 48hrs?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Nope!”
The lady looks at Wesley Rage. He looks like he’s thinking.
Wesley Rage: “What time is it?”
The lady looks at her watch.
Lady: “Half past 4pm.”
Wesley Rage: “Carry the 2… NO! It’s been 51hrs since I’ve been pleasured by a woman.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Bro, you got laid? That’s badass!”
Nicholas fist bumps his brother. The lady behind the counter has grown more and more frustrated.
Lady: “Gentlemen, may we continue?”
Wesley Rage: “Yes.”
Lady: “Have you smoked marijuana in the past month?”
Wesley Rage: “Nope.”
The lady and Rage both look at Nicholas.
Lady: “And you?”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Nope. Not me. I don’t touch the devil’s lettuce.”
Lady: “Sir, are you sure? I get the feeling that you’re high right now.”
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “Ah, fuck! Yes… I’ve smoked in the past month… I’ve smoked in the past 3 minutes. Son of a bitch!”
Wesley Rage pats his brother on the back.
Wesley Rage: “Don’t worry, brother, I’ll take one for the team and do this!”
Nicholas looks like he’s “choked up” and about to shed a tear.
Nicholas “Honest” Cage: “This is the sweetest thing I’ve seen since I watched Jack die while looking at Rose in Titanic.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so you’re unable to donate any sperm, thankfully… as for your brother…”
The lady looks at Wesley Rage.
Wesley Rage: “Yeah?”
Lady: “Let’s go. I’ll take you to your room.”
Rage, with Cage in tow, walk into the room. The lady’s eyes go wide as she hands the cup to Rage.
Lady: “Have you done this before?”
Rage: “Been doing this for a decade.”
The lady can’t believe what she’s seeing and quickly leaves the room. Rage loosens up and picks up a magazine. He grins as he opens it. Cage peers over his shoulder and smirks.
Cage: “Fuck, she’s hot!”
Rage screams and throws the magazine.
Rage: “NIC! WHAT THE FUCK!”
Cage: “We’re the tag team champions! I’m here for you! If you can’t fill the cup enough, I can top you off!”
Rage: “That’s not happening.”
Cage: “Fine, I’ll go.”
Rage: “I’m going, too. I can’t get into the mood when I’m scared you’re going to sneak into this room. Some have the voyeur kink, and I support them. But I’m not one of them, so let’s go.”
Cage: “I get it. I guess I can just mail them my sperm.”
Rage: “That won’t work!”
Cage: “I’ll pack it in some dry ice.”
Rage: “That sounds like a crime.”
Cage: “That’s for the cops to decide!”
Rage: “You know them pigs are going to fuck us over! The last thing we need is you in jail as Crane, Warrick and I have to fight the Glucks, Real Lord Dominicus, and Kasper Van Zant.”
Cage: “Van Zant? We’re fighting Lynyrd Skynyrd?”
Rage: “Waiving her fucking treason flag all the way from Louisiana. She doesn’t even know it’s Birmingham, England, not Alabama.”
Cage: “But she is thicc!”
Rage: “No doubt, but the whole ‘State’s rights, white trash’ thing kills it for me.”
Cage: “Wait, from Louisiana? Shit, I bet the Glucks are running a train on her.”
Rage: “As a sex positive ally, I support her choice. That said, she could have better choices in men.”
Cage: “I don’t think the Glucks bathe.”
Rage: “No ‘think’ about it, bro.”