Sinners Are Winners (TapOut Wrestling 18 RP#1)
Nov 6, 2023 18:38:05 GMT -5
ForeverKuroi and Random🎲McConalogue like this
Post by Vodka Fizz on Nov 6, 2023 18:38:05 GMT -5
The scene opens smack dab in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere, in a large expanse of desert broken up by some rocks and cactuses. A dirt bike is laid on its side near a pile of discarded clothes, and a splendid figure in boxer shorts with a t-shirt wrapped around his head appears to be digging a hole. An older model car that appears to have been completely covered in white, deep-pile shag carpeting pulls up, its brakes groaning as the vehicle rolls to a halt. The camera cuts to show a shot from out of the whole, and the silhouetted figure of a man in a hat peers over the edge. The light adjusts to reveal the face of YouTube megastar, former XHF wrestler and Fireside Wrestling Superstar, Vodka Fizz.
Voddy: Tommy? What the fuck are you doing?
The camera pans down to show Tommy down in the hole, shirtless with a Tommy Strychnine t-shirt wrapped around his head like a bandana. He looks at the displaced sand at his feet, then at the shovel, then at Voddy.
Tommy: Making fucking cookies, V. What does it look like?
Voddy considers this for a moment before he continues.
Voddy: It looks like you’re digging a big ass hole in the middle of the desert.
Tommy theatrically points the shovel at his compatriot, a dour look on the rocker’s face.
Tommy: Ding ding ding! Got it in one! Bruce, tell him what he’s won!
Voddy looks excited for a second, looking for a third party while Tommy returns to his digging. His eyes narrow, and he turns his attention back to Tommy.
Voddy: Funny stuff, asshole.
Voddy sulks for a moment, watching Tommy work. You can actively see his curiosity getting the better of him until he lets out a beleaguered sigh.
Voddy: So WHY are you digging a big ass hole in the desert?
Tommy chuckles, pausing in his frantic work to point up at his eccentric counterpart.
Tommy: Will of the universe. I’m trying to get in the right frame of mind for my next opponent. Random McConalogue. I wracked my brain thinking about how to approach it, then I saw an old email from you where you sent me a discount code for billywitchdoctor.com. Bought a four-pack of their Multiverse tea, and now for the past week I’ve been existing at the whims of the universe.
Voddy looks thoughtful for a moment, then shrugs.
Voddy: I’ve heard worse reasons to dig a hole.
Tommy: Right?
Tommy returns to digging, and Voddy watches him for a while.
Voddy: So why am I here?
Tommy spins on his heel, a wide grin on his face as he points the shovel at the eccentric youtuber.
Tommy: That, Vodka Fizz, is the question, isn’t it? You are the most random person I know, next to me, anyway. I feel like if anyone can help me really lock into this vortex of instability and excitement, it’d be the guy that got half his ass bit off by a tiger in an MMA fight for a youtube video.
Voddy chuckles at the memory, one hand reaching down to idly fondle his left buttock.
Voddy: I do kinda have a brand, don't I?
Tommy doubles over laughing theatrically, before he immediately straightens up, pointing the shovel at Voddy again.
Tommy: Understatement of the decade, Fizzy. But that’s not the point, now, is it? No no, that’s not the point at all. The point is, you’re part of my chaos vortex now. Nothing is what it seems. Anything can happen! All this freedom is terrifying.
Rather than do anything profound with his new sense of freedom, Tommy continues his single minded pursuit of deepening the hole.
Voddy: How big are you planning on making this hole, Tommy?
Tommy shrugs, continuing to dig.
Tommy: Hole’s done when the universe says it’s done.
Voddy sits down on the edge of the hole, his legs dangling down over the edge while the high-off-his-balls rocker busies himself with his bewildering passion project
Voddy: So what’s with this whole kick toward going with the will of the universe, Strych? You never seemed like the kind of guy who rode the lightning, I always thought of you as more of a wrecking ball.
Tommy stabs the shovel into the dirt, looking up at Voddy before he steps away from the digging implement, picking up a nearby six pack. He pulls free a can that he offers to the eccentric youtuber. He cracks open a can of his own, taking a swig.
Tommy: Like I said, I’m trying to get in my opponent’s head. Chick’s whole schtick seems to be going with the flow, right, so I’m proving to myself a point. You know what I learned this past week, Voddy?
Voddy cracks open his drink, taking a swig before he spits it out, gagging and hacking.
Voddy: Ugh! Jesus! What the fuck did you give me to drink? It tastes like you rinsed out my old gym bag with Coconut LaCroix.
Tommy: It’s Marmite-flavored vodka seltzer. Not important. What I learned this past week, Voddy, is that it’s real easy to go with the flow. It’s easy to shut off your brain and let Jesus take the wheel. There is a beautiful simplicity there. Maybe you’ll paint a beautiful picture. Maybe you’ll write a poem, or a song, or a story that people really love. Maybe you’ll win a few wrestling matches and get it in your head that you’re some kinda big deal when the reality is you just really haven’t come up against a challenge. Maybe you’ll end up off your tits on mescaline tea you bought from a shady website, digging a hole in the middle of the Nevada desert, drinking Marmite-flavored seltzer and kind of afraid that if you fell asleep you’re going to die.
Tommy takes another swig from his drink, making no reaction to the disgusting beverage,
Tommy: Sort of people that go with the flow like to blame the will of the universe for their downfalls, too. I know that Random hasn;t commented yet on the end of her winning streak, but I’m sure it’ll be some nonsense about how it’s just how things go and that the fates decided that she was going to lose and that there was nothing to be done about it. Which is the biggest load of horseshit a person can feed themselves. Tell me, Voddy. In your honest opinion, do you consider yourself the sort of person who goes with the flow?
Voddy almost takes another drink of his seltzer before the smell of it makes him gag again.
Voddy: Yegh. No. No I don’t. I’ve always considered myself more of an innovator. A disruptor, if you will.
Tommy claps his hands together, pointing up at Voddy.
Tommy: Exactly! Fucking exactly! You’re a disruptor. A mover and shaker. You eschew the safe opinion and you do the craziest shit you can think of. Like when you did the Huckleberry Finn challenge, or catapulting Billy Joel into the Atlantic Ocean in a port-o-john.
Voddy looks thoughtful, then shrugs and nods.
Voddy: Yeah, it’s pretty fun being a disruptor. Nobody knows what to expect.
Tommy finishes off his drink, picking up the shovel again, but using it like a walking stick as he paces around the bottom of the hole.
Tommy: You and I have that in common. There haven;t been many times I’ve done what people expected of me. There haven’t even been many times that I’ve taken the universe’s easy route and gone with the flow to get what I wanted. Maybe you could argue that me stumbling ass-backwards into wrestling because I mistook a battle royale for a mosh pit was the will of the universe. But it was a big ‘fuck you’ to whoever was doing their booking, because the guy who was supposed to win decided it’d be more fun to let me see what I could do.
Voddy finally chances another drink of his toxic seltzer, wincing at the taste but not gagging this time.
Voddy: Remember that time at Rock-Con when you jumped on stage during the Steel Panther concert and punched Satchel in the face?
Tommy: Fucking Satchel. I hate that guy.
Tommy spits in the sand, gulping down the rest of his seltzer and tossing the can up out of the hole.
Tommy: Suffice it to say, I’m not the sort of guy to take the easy route. I’m the kind of guy who makes as big of a ruckus as possible. I make messes, I break shit, and I make a damn impression. For whatever reason, TapOut’s booking has given me a chance that puts me back into spitting distance of the top prize that TapOut has to offer. More importantly, it puts me in a position to settle some receipts with our new Openweight champion, Crocodile Dumbfuck, and that’s too good of an opportunity to leave to ‘going with the flow.’
Tommy picks up another can of seltzer, cracking it and taking a swig,
Tommy: Hm. Really puts the hair on your balls, doesn’t it?
Voddy sounds an affirmative, but it doesn’t stop him from taking another drink of the horrible concoction.
Tommy: Anyway, I do want to make things clear here. I have nothing against people who can trust the will of the universe, go with the flow, and take their opportunities when they appear and make the most of them. I have nothing against Random McConalogue. Lady has proven time and time again that she can wrestle, but as long as she’s going to be happy going with the flow and not trying to be better than she is, not making an effort to be the best you can possibly be? That I have a problem with. You’re all about the elegance of going with the flow, but your name is synonymous with chaos, and chaos is violence. You don’t want to be a hunter, you don’t want to pursue your opportunities, that’s a hearty ‘fuck you’ from the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Rocker. You want to be the hero without taking any risks? There is not a single person that I am happier to play the villain for.You can;t plan for Tommy Strychnine, and you ask anyone I’ve faced and they’ll tell you that they can take that to the bank.
Tommy sculls the second seltzer, stabbing the shovel into the ground again.
Tommy: You know what, Voddy? I think the hole’s done.
Voddy slips down into the hole, looking around and crossing his arms.
Voddy: You know, Tommy, all this introspection from you is fuckin’ weird.
Tommy laughs, clapping Voddy on the shoulder.
Tommy: Don't worry, I’m sure it’ll wear off when I come down.
The pair of them share a laugh together. Voddy steps away, admiring the work the rocker’s done. Tommy picks up the shovel again.
Voddy: This hole’s pretty impressive, Tommy, what are you gonna do with it now?
Tommy grins, then swings the shovel, and the screen goes black with the sound of a shovel skipping off of someone’s head. Eventually, the sound of shoveling sand back into the hole can be heard.
Voddy: Tommy? What the fuck are you doing?
The camera pans down to show Tommy down in the hole, shirtless with a Tommy Strychnine t-shirt wrapped around his head like a bandana. He looks at the displaced sand at his feet, then at the shovel, then at Voddy.
Tommy: Making fucking cookies, V. What does it look like?
Voddy considers this for a moment before he continues.
Voddy: It looks like you’re digging a big ass hole in the middle of the desert.
Tommy theatrically points the shovel at his compatriot, a dour look on the rocker’s face.
Tommy: Ding ding ding! Got it in one! Bruce, tell him what he’s won!
Voddy looks excited for a second, looking for a third party while Tommy returns to his digging. His eyes narrow, and he turns his attention back to Tommy.
Voddy: Funny stuff, asshole.
Voddy sulks for a moment, watching Tommy work. You can actively see his curiosity getting the better of him until he lets out a beleaguered sigh.
Voddy: So WHY are you digging a big ass hole in the desert?
Tommy chuckles, pausing in his frantic work to point up at his eccentric counterpart.
Tommy: Will of the universe. I’m trying to get in the right frame of mind for my next opponent. Random McConalogue. I wracked my brain thinking about how to approach it, then I saw an old email from you where you sent me a discount code for billywitchdoctor.com. Bought a four-pack of their Multiverse tea, and now for the past week I’ve been existing at the whims of the universe.
Voddy looks thoughtful for a moment, then shrugs.
Voddy: I’ve heard worse reasons to dig a hole.
Tommy: Right?
Tommy returns to digging, and Voddy watches him for a while.
Voddy: So why am I here?
Tommy spins on his heel, a wide grin on his face as he points the shovel at the eccentric youtuber.
Tommy: That, Vodka Fizz, is the question, isn’t it? You are the most random person I know, next to me, anyway. I feel like if anyone can help me really lock into this vortex of instability and excitement, it’d be the guy that got half his ass bit off by a tiger in an MMA fight for a youtube video.
Voddy chuckles at the memory, one hand reaching down to idly fondle his left buttock.
Voddy: I do kinda have a brand, don't I?
Tommy doubles over laughing theatrically, before he immediately straightens up, pointing the shovel at Voddy again.
Tommy: Understatement of the decade, Fizzy. But that’s not the point, now, is it? No no, that’s not the point at all. The point is, you’re part of my chaos vortex now. Nothing is what it seems. Anything can happen! All this freedom is terrifying.
Rather than do anything profound with his new sense of freedom, Tommy continues his single minded pursuit of deepening the hole.
Voddy: How big are you planning on making this hole, Tommy?
Tommy shrugs, continuing to dig.
Tommy: Hole’s done when the universe says it’s done.
Voddy sits down on the edge of the hole, his legs dangling down over the edge while the high-off-his-balls rocker busies himself with his bewildering passion project
Voddy: So what’s with this whole kick toward going with the will of the universe, Strych? You never seemed like the kind of guy who rode the lightning, I always thought of you as more of a wrecking ball.
Tommy stabs the shovel into the dirt, looking up at Voddy before he steps away from the digging implement, picking up a nearby six pack. He pulls free a can that he offers to the eccentric youtuber. He cracks open a can of his own, taking a swig.
Tommy: Like I said, I’m trying to get in my opponent’s head. Chick’s whole schtick seems to be going with the flow, right, so I’m proving to myself a point. You know what I learned this past week, Voddy?
Voddy cracks open his drink, taking a swig before he spits it out, gagging and hacking.
Voddy: Ugh! Jesus! What the fuck did you give me to drink? It tastes like you rinsed out my old gym bag with Coconut LaCroix.
Tommy: It’s Marmite-flavored vodka seltzer. Not important. What I learned this past week, Voddy, is that it’s real easy to go with the flow. It’s easy to shut off your brain and let Jesus take the wheel. There is a beautiful simplicity there. Maybe you’ll paint a beautiful picture. Maybe you’ll write a poem, or a song, or a story that people really love. Maybe you’ll win a few wrestling matches and get it in your head that you’re some kinda big deal when the reality is you just really haven’t come up against a challenge. Maybe you’ll end up off your tits on mescaline tea you bought from a shady website, digging a hole in the middle of the Nevada desert, drinking Marmite-flavored seltzer and kind of afraid that if you fell asleep you’re going to die.
Tommy takes another swig from his drink, making no reaction to the disgusting beverage,
Tommy: Sort of people that go with the flow like to blame the will of the universe for their downfalls, too. I know that Random hasn;t commented yet on the end of her winning streak, but I’m sure it’ll be some nonsense about how it’s just how things go and that the fates decided that she was going to lose and that there was nothing to be done about it. Which is the biggest load of horseshit a person can feed themselves. Tell me, Voddy. In your honest opinion, do you consider yourself the sort of person who goes with the flow?
Voddy almost takes another drink of his seltzer before the smell of it makes him gag again.
Voddy: Yegh. No. No I don’t. I’ve always considered myself more of an innovator. A disruptor, if you will.
Tommy claps his hands together, pointing up at Voddy.
Tommy: Exactly! Fucking exactly! You’re a disruptor. A mover and shaker. You eschew the safe opinion and you do the craziest shit you can think of. Like when you did the Huckleberry Finn challenge, or catapulting Billy Joel into the Atlantic Ocean in a port-o-john.
Voddy looks thoughtful, then shrugs and nods.
Voddy: Yeah, it’s pretty fun being a disruptor. Nobody knows what to expect.
Tommy finishes off his drink, picking up the shovel again, but using it like a walking stick as he paces around the bottom of the hole.
Tommy: You and I have that in common. There haven;t been many times I’ve done what people expected of me. There haven’t even been many times that I’ve taken the universe’s easy route and gone with the flow to get what I wanted. Maybe you could argue that me stumbling ass-backwards into wrestling because I mistook a battle royale for a mosh pit was the will of the universe. But it was a big ‘fuck you’ to whoever was doing their booking, because the guy who was supposed to win decided it’d be more fun to let me see what I could do.
Voddy finally chances another drink of his toxic seltzer, wincing at the taste but not gagging this time.
Voddy: Remember that time at Rock-Con when you jumped on stage during the Steel Panther concert and punched Satchel in the face?
Tommy: Fucking Satchel. I hate that guy.
Tommy spits in the sand, gulping down the rest of his seltzer and tossing the can up out of the hole.
Tommy: Suffice it to say, I’m not the sort of guy to take the easy route. I’m the kind of guy who makes as big of a ruckus as possible. I make messes, I break shit, and I make a damn impression. For whatever reason, TapOut’s booking has given me a chance that puts me back into spitting distance of the top prize that TapOut has to offer. More importantly, it puts me in a position to settle some receipts with our new Openweight champion, Crocodile Dumbfuck, and that’s too good of an opportunity to leave to ‘going with the flow.’
Tommy picks up another can of seltzer, cracking it and taking a swig,
Tommy: Hm. Really puts the hair on your balls, doesn’t it?
Voddy sounds an affirmative, but it doesn’t stop him from taking another drink of the horrible concoction.
Tommy: Anyway, I do want to make things clear here. I have nothing against people who can trust the will of the universe, go with the flow, and take their opportunities when they appear and make the most of them. I have nothing against Random McConalogue. Lady has proven time and time again that she can wrestle, but as long as she’s going to be happy going with the flow and not trying to be better than she is, not making an effort to be the best you can possibly be? That I have a problem with. You’re all about the elegance of going with the flow, but your name is synonymous with chaos, and chaos is violence. You don’t want to be a hunter, you don’t want to pursue your opportunities, that’s a hearty ‘fuck you’ from the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Rocker. You want to be the hero without taking any risks? There is not a single person that I am happier to play the villain for.You can;t plan for Tommy Strychnine, and you ask anyone I’ve faced and they’ll tell you that they can take that to the bank.
Tommy sculls the second seltzer, stabbing the shovel into the ground again.
Tommy: You know what, Voddy? I think the hole’s done.
Voddy slips down into the hole, looking around and crossing his arms.
Voddy: You know, Tommy, all this introspection from you is fuckin’ weird.
Tommy laughs, clapping Voddy on the shoulder.
Tommy: Don't worry, I’m sure it’ll wear off when I come down.
The pair of them share a laugh together. Voddy steps away, admiring the work the rocker’s done. Tommy picks up the shovel again.
Voddy: This hole’s pretty impressive, Tommy, what are you gonna do with it now?
Tommy grins, then swings the shovel, and the screen goes black with the sound of a shovel skipping off of someone’s head. Eventually, the sound of shoveling sand back into the hole can be heard.