Post by Dave D-Flipz on Nov 12, 2023 23:29:29 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, November. So close to the end of the year and yet so far. And don’t get me started on the holidays! SO MANY days off of school. Having Vanessa home all those days when she was a kid was brutal!
*We open on Doof in his Sanctum Sanctimonious as he is staring at a white board. He is ranting and raving as is his penchant. As he paces back and forth, he burns a hole in the carpet from walking the trail so much.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And turkey! WHO DECIDED AN UGLY KILLER BIRD SHOULD BE THE MEAL? Why not goose? Or oysters? Or PLATYPUS!? … I suppose male platypi are venomous and that would complicate matters … are they poisonous too? I’ll need to look into that. ANYWAY! That is why I am here today gentlemen!
*He turns around … and nobody is there.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh … right … they locked me in my room for November again. Something about me ranting their ears off. They should be THANKING me. Without me where would they be? Not on top of the world that’s for sure! How ungrateful. Is it too much for people to appreciate me? I am a treasure!
*A lightbulb literally and metaphorically goes on over his head.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Waaaaaait … a second … … EUREKA! Oh I need to get this down.
*He begins to write onto his whiteboard. Nothing good can come of this*
*The scene opens up on the California coast, off of San Pedro. We find Ovi and Ian on the beach with a bunch of heavy machinery. Behind them is some kind of a … stargate looking device … but not a real one, not out to get sued. Actually it looks more like the land bridge from Transformers Prime. Let’s go with that. Anyhow they are furiously typing at the keyboards of the computers attached to a series of devices.*
Ian: Adjust the pitch, uh… point five degrees longitudinally. And um, uh, 5 degrees Fahrenheit!
Ovi: Ok now connect the diesel generating roboticizer to the left pontoon and scan for jellyfish.
Ian: Ok good, now amplify the chaos potentiometer …
Ovi: And zap the jellyfish, YES! Now toss it into the tank with the others and … PUNCH IT!
*From the ocean we hear a bubbling and a VROOM noise. Suddenly the water ripples and then begins to separate … and then VAVOOM! A chemstruckinator with pontoons welded to the side flies from the water at nearly the speed of sound. The chemical engine has five roboticized jellyfish in the tank that seem to be producing diesel fuel. As the car drives onto land it screeches to a halt, flames coursing on it from the chemical engine in overdrive with diesel fire. The sand where the tires hit is now glass. Out of the door pops Billy.*
Billy: We did it! It took us half a month but the car is off the bottom. Good for nothing Doof sending me to the bottom of the ocean. Glad I was smart enough to have a scuba suit for when the chemical engine flooded and failed. Never listening to that idiot again! HOW DID WE THINK THIS WOULD FLOAT?
Ovi: He should be glad we decided to come back for the car with our science and not abandon him to the ire of his wife for blowing that much money.
*Suddenly from the Land Bridge we see an energy field appear. And from it comes Phroooaggh being dragged by a whiteboard, being wheeled out by Doof.*
Phroooaggh: He is shockingly strong for a pharmacist.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I AM NOT A PHARMACIST!
Ovi: How did you get out of your room?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Not important, LOOK! I have created a new evil scheme. I am sick and tired of everyone being so ungrateful around me. I should be getting showered with praise! I make everyone’s lives better … for me. So I got myself an early Christmas gift. This year … it won’t be Thanksgiving. Everyone always trying to guilt me into feeling appreciation and giving thanks to them for all these so called “things they do for me”. BAH! What do we have to be thankful for? That Memaw hasn’t sent Billy into the Sainovic Stabbing range?
Billy: Yes. I’m quite partial to my kidneys.
Ovi: You can live with one …
Ian: If you can call that living…
*Doof shakes his head and slaps the whiteboard.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well look at what I have! Starting now … everyone will be giving ME thanks. With my new … “THANK-ME-INATOR!”
Billy: What a dumbass name. You couldn’t come up with anything better? I mean-
*Doof pulls out a small super soaker looking device and fires a blue wave of energy at Billy.*
Billy: Seriously, you-THANK YOU for making us laugh with your awful names. It’s quite endearing you glorious bastard. And thanks for paying us for doing your evil-WHA HEY!
Ovi: Billy! What the heck!? This guy has done nothing but wrong by us.
*The gun turns on Ovi now…*
Ovi: This fool- needs to be thanked for all the great plans he has gotten us nearly killed for. I am so thankful for all the times I was nearly enslaved by an evil doppelganger or driven mad- HEY! Cut it out Doof!
*He aims it at Ian.*
Ian: … … Th-*he stops himself from speaking … but struggles … until his hands fly off his face.* Thank uh you. Haha uh, you make us all look prettier by being next to us!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: … Well … I mean it makes anyone thank me and feel grateful to the AMC and myself … doesn’t … uh … doesn’t seem to stop backhanded negging compliment-insults … I’ll work on it!
Phroooaggh: But whyyyyy?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: BECAUSE I WANT RECOGNITION AND APPRECIATION! I am stressed and nobody repsects me. So this November … it’s no longer Thanksgiving … we’re celebrating THANKSTAKING! We will TAKE the thanks we have rightly earned and everyone will once again love the AMC! BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Billy: … … I mean it’s a better plan than the casino or the pontoons or fighting Zoran …
1. Do you avoid the turkey?
Billy: TURKEY INCOMING!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: DODGE IT!
Billy: Like hell I will! Chemical blasters engage! Melt that bird. Make everyone thank us for showing what a wasteful person Memaw is! That could have been sent to a food shelter!
2. Can you see through the feathers?
Ovi: Billy! Visibility is at near zero! How are you holding up?
Billy: Since there was no map, this is clearly a straightaway so I can just drive through the feather storm and keep going!
3. Is it global warming or climate change?
Ian: … Does that matter? All that matters is thanking us for solving the problem … or for not making it worse.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: TAKING ALL THE THANKS BABY! THANKSTAKING DINNER AT MEMAW’S HOUSE! HER TREAT!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Billy: *sigh* … I’ll go brine the bird for another Sadsgiving…
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, November. So close to the end of the year and yet so far. And don’t get me started on the holidays! SO MANY days off of school. Having Vanessa home all those days when she was a kid was brutal!
*We open on Doof in his Sanctum Sanctimonious as he is staring at a white board. He is ranting and raving as is his penchant. As he paces back and forth, he burns a hole in the carpet from walking the trail so much.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And turkey! WHO DECIDED AN UGLY KILLER BIRD SHOULD BE THE MEAL? Why not goose? Or oysters? Or PLATYPUS!? … I suppose male platypi are venomous and that would complicate matters … are they poisonous too? I’ll need to look into that. ANYWAY! That is why I am here today gentlemen!
*He turns around … and nobody is there.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh … right … they locked me in my room for November again. Something about me ranting their ears off. They should be THANKING me. Without me where would they be? Not on top of the world that’s for sure! How ungrateful. Is it too much for people to appreciate me? I am a treasure!
*A lightbulb literally and metaphorically goes on over his head.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Waaaaaait … a second … … EUREKA! Oh I need to get this down.
*He begins to write onto his whiteboard. Nothing good can come of this*
*The scene opens up on the California coast, off of San Pedro. We find Ovi and Ian on the beach with a bunch of heavy machinery. Behind them is some kind of a … stargate looking device … but not a real one, not out to get sued. Actually it looks more like the land bridge from Transformers Prime. Let’s go with that. Anyhow they are furiously typing at the keyboards of the computers attached to a series of devices.*
Ian: Adjust the pitch, uh… point five degrees longitudinally. And um, uh, 5 degrees Fahrenheit!
Ovi: Ok now connect the diesel generating roboticizer to the left pontoon and scan for jellyfish.
Ian: Ok good, now amplify the chaos potentiometer …
Ovi: And zap the jellyfish, YES! Now toss it into the tank with the others and … PUNCH IT!
*From the ocean we hear a bubbling and a VROOM noise. Suddenly the water ripples and then begins to separate … and then VAVOOM! A chemstruckinator with pontoons welded to the side flies from the water at nearly the speed of sound. The chemical engine has five roboticized jellyfish in the tank that seem to be producing diesel fuel. As the car drives onto land it screeches to a halt, flames coursing on it from the chemical engine in overdrive with diesel fire. The sand where the tires hit is now glass. Out of the door pops Billy.*
Billy: We did it! It took us half a month but the car is off the bottom. Good for nothing Doof sending me to the bottom of the ocean. Glad I was smart enough to have a scuba suit for when the chemical engine flooded and failed. Never listening to that idiot again! HOW DID WE THINK THIS WOULD FLOAT?
Ovi: He should be glad we decided to come back for the car with our science and not abandon him to the ire of his wife for blowing that much money.
*Suddenly from the Land Bridge we see an energy field appear. And from it comes Phroooaggh being dragged by a whiteboard, being wheeled out by Doof.*
Phroooaggh: He is shockingly strong for a pharmacist.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I AM NOT A PHARMACIST!
Ovi: How did you get out of your room?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Not important, LOOK! I have created a new evil scheme. I am sick and tired of everyone being so ungrateful around me. I should be getting showered with praise! I make everyone’s lives better … for me. So I got myself an early Christmas gift. This year … it won’t be Thanksgiving. Everyone always trying to guilt me into feeling appreciation and giving thanks to them for all these so called “things they do for me”. BAH! What do we have to be thankful for? That Memaw hasn’t sent Billy into the Sainovic Stabbing range?
Billy: Yes. I’m quite partial to my kidneys.
Ovi: You can live with one …
Ian: If you can call that living…
*Doof shakes his head and slaps the whiteboard.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well look at what I have! Starting now … everyone will be giving ME thanks. With my new … “THANK-ME-INATOR!”
Billy: What a dumbass name. You couldn’t come up with anything better? I mean-
*Doof pulls out a small super soaker looking device and fires a blue wave of energy at Billy.*
Billy: Seriously, you-THANK YOU for making us laugh with your awful names. It’s quite endearing you glorious bastard. And thanks for paying us for doing your evil-WHA HEY!
Ovi: Billy! What the heck!? This guy has done nothing but wrong by us.
*The gun turns on Ovi now…*
Ovi: This fool- needs to be thanked for all the great plans he has gotten us nearly killed for. I am so thankful for all the times I was nearly enslaved by an evil doppelganger or driven mad- HEY! Cut it out Doof!
*He aims it at Ian.*
Ian: … … Th-*he stops himself from speaking … but struggles … until his hands fly off his face.* Thank uh you. Haha uh, you make us all look prettier by being next to us!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: … Well … I mean it makes anyone thank me and feel grateful to the AMC and myself … doesn’t … uh … doesn’t seem to stop backhanded negging compliment-insults … I’ll work on it!
Phroooaggh: But whyyyyy?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: BECAUSE I WANT RECOGNITION AND APPRECIATION! I am stressed and nobody repsects me. So this November … it’s no longer Thanksgiving … we’re celebrating THANKSTAKING! We will TAKE the thanks we have rightly earned and everyone will once again love the AMC! BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Billy: … … I mean it’s a better plan than the casino or the pontoons or fighting Zoran …
1. Do you avoid the turkey?
Billy: TURKEY INCOMING!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: DODGE IT!
Billy: Like hell I will! Chemical blasters engage! Melt that bird. Make everyone thank us for showing what a wasteful person Memaw is! That could have been sent to a food shelter!
2. Can you see through the feathers?
Ovi: Billy! Visibility is at near zero! How are you holding up?
Billy: Since there was no map, this is clearly a straightaway so I can just drive through the feather storm and keep going!
3. Is it global warming or climate change?
Ian: … Does that matter? All that matters is thanking us for solving the problem … or for not making it worse.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: TAKING ALL THE THANKS BABY! THANKSTAKING DINNER AT MEMAW’S HOUSE! HER TREAT!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Billy: *sigh* … I’ll go brine the bird for another Sadsgiving…
