Grand Marshal of Hell (FML Parade Semis)
Nov 13, 2023 17:41:43 GMT -5
Kira Izumi and mosler like this
Post by flo on Nov 13, 2023 17:41:43 GMT -5
Club Heaven. Yokohama, Kanagawa, Japan.
Upstairs the capacity crowd continue to enjoy the Parade of Demon festivities, blissfully unaware of the fact that their presence is keeping ambulances from checking out the evening's sacrifices. In the depths of the venue, a storage area has been turned into a makeshift dressing room - now triage - in which a heap of gore that resembles a cartoon alligator more than a man, licks his wounds. The gator coughs up blood as Gazoo, a dwarf that has been painted green, plays nurse - using duct tape to keep the former YTA champion's spleen from spilling out. Removing the straw from his mask's teeth, the Sunshine State Stud replaces it with a camel. A long drag sees smoke from the cigarette escaping through his back. ...that ain't good. Collapsed lung? Gazoo puts a strip of tape on it to keep the carcinogens trapped inside the Floridian meat sag.
Florida Man:
The parade keeps marching on...
As it tramples more and more devils under hoof, and the numbers start to slim down, I'm feeling more and more like a special attraction...
...Like I could be the grand marshal of this hell.
Removing his cigarette, FML spits out enough blood to look like the wall in Evil Dead 2.
Florida Man:
Dang. ...That Steve (Steve Awesome) is a tough customer. ...And the prize for winning this tournament is another shot at him? What's the runner-up get? TWO Hardcore shots? ....Now, I'm not saying you didn't have a tough journey to get here, AJ (Cross Recoba)... because Jason Long (Mav.) is no slouch. I was a little disappointed, and more than a little surprised, Long didn't come out of your round robin on top... 'cause the two of us could put on a spectacularly obscene contest. Plus I lost serious moolah on the deal. Not that you should feel like covering my losses, AJ. It was less betting on Long than betting against you. Guess I'm just gonna have to mold you into a high profile win... your face looks malleable at least. ...So we both had tough final legs going into the semis... but you did have an extra two days to rest... which felt like an eternity for the rest of us slaughtered lambs. Will the amount of damage that Steve gave me.... or your rest period.... be factors in our semi-final showdown?
Another drags new smoking hole discovered. Fucking beds of nails.
Florida Man:
You might have the diggity dang advantage, going into our contest, but the cinderella story ends with me RAMMING A GLASS SLIPPER DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT. See this is going to be an ALL J-ROK FINAL. I know its cool and all in purOH to have an outsider menace make it to the finals... but that's usually when they're an unstoppable monster. And you aren't two hundred pounds wet, AJ. And you will be wet... pissing yourself over some of the jacked up shit I'm gonna do to your corpse. You aren't the great foreign invader the Parade needs to be saved from... your fresh in training school British rookie of diminutive size, who went farther than he should have based on the X factor that is landmines. Congratulations on getting this figgity far, AJ... you lasted longer than Wildcat Capone (Kira Izumi) OFFICIALLY making DTF better than TOW.
Which isn't to mention, Long. Gazoo does a slow clap to underline the Diamond accomplishment, or the Tap Out suckitude.
Florida Man:
Only I'm going to be the COMPANY MAN that ensures this Parade is an ALL J-ROK FINALS... and the funny part of that is, I'm more of an outsider than you are, AJ. Certainly a more respectable finalist. So whether it's my mortal enemy, Kira, or the NEW GLASS CEILING Dar (La Familia Price) ... with her constantly disapproving looks, I've got more of a story to tell in this parade than you do. And for daring to stand in my floats way? You had better believe, that's a glass plane, razor board, landmine of an ass kicking. Still, when you get back to your triggity training facility you can briggity brag to all the other Muppet Babies about the scars I gave you. Hellz to the bellz, I'll even autograph the double dawg danged cuts for you...
Rising to his feet, Florida Man lets a piece of duct tape tear off on the bench. Sadly it was a load bearing piece of duct tape, and he falls to his knees.
Florida Man:
.......dang.
He crushed his cigarette.
Heads will roll.
Upstairs the capacity crowd continue to enjoy the Parade of Demon festivities, blissfully unaware of the fact that their presence is keeping ambulances from checking out the evening's sacrifices. In the depths of the venue, a storage area has been turned into a makeshift dressing room - now triage - in which a heap of gore that resembles a cartoon alligator more than a man, licks his wounds. The gator coughs up blood as Gazoo, a dwarf that has been painted green, plays nurse - using duct tape to keep the former YTA champion's spleen from spilling out. Removing the straw from his mask's teeth, the Sunshine State Stud replaces it with a camel. A long drag sees smoke from the cigarette escaping through his back. ...that ain't good. Collapsed lung? Gazoo puts a strip of tape on it to keep the carcinogens trapped inside the Floridian meat sag.
Florida Man:
The parade keeps marching on...
As it tramples more and more devils under hoof, and the numbers start to slim down, I'm feeling more and more like a special attraction...
...Like I could be the grand marshal of this hell.
Removing his cigarette, FML spits out enough blood to look like the wall in Evil Dead 2.
Florida Man:
Dang. ...That Steve (Steve Awesome) is a tough customer. ...And the prize for winning this tournament is another shot at him? What's the runner-up get? TWO Hardcore shots? ....Now, I'm not saying you didn't have a tough journey to get here, AJ (Cross Recoba)... because Jason Long (Mav.) is no slouch. I was a little disappointed, and more than a little surprised, Long didn't come out of your round robin on top... 'cause the two of us could put on a spectacularly obscene contest. Plus I lost serious moolah on the deal. Not that you should feel like covering my losses, AJ. It was less betting on Long than betting against you. Guess I'm just gonna have to mold you into a high profile win... your face looks malleable at least. ...So we both had tough final legs going into the semis... but you did have an extra two days to rest... which felt like an eternity for the rest of us slaughtered lambs. Will the amount of damage that Steve gave me.... or your rest period.... be factors in our semi-final showdown?
Another drags new smoking hole discovered. Fucking beds of nails.
Florida Man:
You might have the diggity dang advantage, going into our contest, but the cinderella story ends with me RAMMING A GLASS SLIPPER DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT. See this is going to be an ALL J-ROK FINAL. I know its cool and all in purOH to have an outsider menace make it to the finals... but that's usually when they're an unstoppable monster. And you aren't two hundred pounds wet, AJ. And you will be wet... pissing yourself over some of the jacked up shit I'm gonna do to your corpse. You aren't the great foreign invader the Parade needs to be saved from... your fresh in training school British rookie of diminutive size, who went farther than he should have based on the X factor that is landmines. Congratulations on getting this figgity far, AJ... you lasted longer than Wildcat Capone (Kira Izumi) OFFICIALLY making DTF better than TOW.
Which isn't to mention, Long. Gazoo does a slow clap to underline the Diamond accomplishment, or the Tap Out suckitude.
Florida Man:
Only I'm going to be the COMPANY MAN that ensures this Parade is an ALL J-ROK FINALS... and the funny part of that is, I'm more of an outsider than you are, AJ. Certainly a more respectable finalist. So whether it's my mortal enemy, Kira, or the NEW GLASS CEILING Dar (La Familia Price) ... with her constantly disapproving looks, I've got more of a story to tell in this parade than you do. And for daring to stand in my floats way? You had better believe, that's a glass plane, razor board, landmine of an ass kicking. Still, when you get back to your triggity training facility you can briggity brag to all the other Muppet Babies about the scars I gave you. Hellz to the bellz, I'll even autograph the double dawg danged cuts for you...
Rising to his feet, Florida Man lets a piece of duct tape tear off on the bench. Sadly it was a load bearing piece of duct tape, and he falls to his knees.
Florida Man:
.......dang.
He crushed his cigarette.
Heads will roll.