DO OVER [FML Parade of 1000 Demons 2023 Final Pt. 2]
Nov 22, 2023 23:26:33 GMT -5
Kira Izumi and mosler like this
Post by flo on Nov 22, 2023 23:26:33 GMT -5
Kawasaki Stadium.
While most local puroresu shows run out of the Kawasaki Prefectural Gymnasium, J-RoK management booked the stadium as the final venue for the Parade of 1000 Demons. At one point this historic venue sported thirty thousand seats - sadly, the stands were removed in 2001, as part of a renovation geared towards American football. Now seating is just under three thousand. A judgement by the Super Saiyan on Florida Man and Darlene Price's ability to pack a larger venue? No. As a pay per view, there will be far more eyes judging the headlining merits of these not quite Visual Kei players. The venue was no doubt selected because it was the former stomping grounds of extreme originators FMV, as the Parade's hardcore action will be a loving tribute to the corpses that came before. That is the charitable interpretation. In truth, it's far more likely the stadium was chosen because J-RoK has a hard time booking enclosed spaces after the Tokyo Dome inferno. The match stipulation certainly promises geysers of blood, which would be rather dangerous if there was a roof.
All of these factors run through the celebrated deviant's lizard brain, as he meditates on the best way to promote the match. Countless hours have been put into conceptualizing the advertising for this thousand demons finale, with the best minds that the Epcot Mafia have to offer brainstorming one hundred points of marketing magnificence...
BOOM!
Florida Man:
WRESTLING! GET YOUR WRESTLING OVER HERE!
BOOM!
Florida Man:
COME WATCH THE WRESTLING NOW! WHO'S READY?
BOOM!
Your friendly neighbourhood serial killer has modified a T-shirt cannon to use copious gunpowder, firing flaming flyers up in the air. Staggering around outside Kawasaki Stadium, FML shoots his mortar into the night sky, while barking about the upcoming fight to fleeing crowds.
SMASH CUT to a 711 in Florida, where the bicycle that used to be the Ultimate Warrior regales the clerk behind the counter with this ad campaign.
Nametag Melvin:
Dan! Make Ultimate Warrior tell the story right.
Dan Marino (defeated):
That's what really happened.
Nametag Melvin:
Oh. ...wasn't Gazoo around to stop him?
Ultimate Warrior:
DING.
Earlier.
The backstage of the Bum Game is bustling with a ridiculous number of production assistants, almost like the game show was overcompensating to convince people that it was a real thing. Half-naked models strut back to their change rooms, tastefully pixelated because this is Japan. A few of them are startled to the side, as a dwarf painted green stomps towards an exit.
Florida Man:
Gaz-
The Sunshine State Stud chases after his conscience.
Florida Man:
So we didn't win-
Gazoo:
Go to hell! You said I'd only be out there... in the buff... for two minutes. That was a FULL HOUR.
Florida Man:
While I was trying to figure out which butt was yours... they let me talk about the parade finals! An hour of free exposure to the kind of perverts that have Dar's poster on their walls? You can't buy publicity like that - so I pretended I didn't recognize any of the bums and milked it for all it was worth!
Gazoo:
Spare me your bum milking, even at the end of the show, you still didn't get it right!
Florida Man:
An honest mista-
Excuses are cut short, as Gazoo slams the door shut behind him. Florida Man is left alone in the television studio. Looks like FML is going to have to finish this press junket without the assistance of his attorney. What's the worst that can happen?
Warehouse Kawasaki.
The five story arcade has been designed to look like Hong Kong's former Kowloon Walled City. A large group of tough looking teenagers crowd around a far corner, where Florida Man is taking on a small child at a Street Fighter 2 cabinet.
Florida Man (in the middle of making a point while button mashing):
So you see... the Parade finals is gonna be a lot like Vega versus Chun-Li. Dar is Chun-Li... nice legs, daddy issues... while I am Vega - wearing a mask to protect my pretty face, and ultimately the winner-
Small child:
"Yay!"
Wait, what? The Sunshine State Stud turns back to the screen in time to see...
Chun-Li (text):
I'M THE STRONGEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
Florida Man:
Vega lost? And the writing is in English? This machine is clearly broken...
Pulling out his trusty T-Shirt bazooka-
BOOM!
It's close enough that the flyers actually manage to shatter the screen - shooting sparks up into the air. The teenagers scatter - not trusting J-RoK employees not to be terrorists.
Florida Man:
Wait, I'm not E.V.E.! ......Please remember to tune into the Parade Finals, don't even ask permission to use your folks credit cards!
As our protagonist's pitches fall on deaf ears, familiar red lights circle through the grimy windows.
Fujiko F. Fujio Museum.
Police load Florida Man - who is dressed as Doraemon - into their cruiser.
Florida Man:
I'm just trying to promote a massive J-RoK show.
Beat Cop Ozawa:
"Who is on it?"
Florida Man:
I'm taking on Darlene Price.
Beat Cop Tobita:
"She's great. Don't know you-"
Florida Man:
J-RoK haven't used me much in 2023... so I've been "overseas learning" for this BIG comeback.
Beat Cop Ozawa:
"Well you can promote again, after a night in the drunk tank-"
Florida Man:
But I have to appear on Tore! tonight...
Beat Cop Tobita:
"Really? .........Tore!'s the best-"
The cops exchange a knowing look.
Beat Cop Ozawa:
"...I'll drive."
Tore!
Joined in progress, of the many challenges this latest game show could throw Florida Man's way, he is part of the infamous Mummification routine. Florida Man is being wrapped in gauze like a mummy - until he gets a question right...
Florida Man:
...So tune into the Demon finale!
Rei Minami:
"Speaking of which... for the traditional parade of demons - how many of the yokai take part?"
Florida Man:
.......I should know this.
Mechanical arms spin, quickly wrapping Florida Man from toe to head, as he struggles to remember the thousand he's been pimping for the past week.
Florida Man:
It's on the tip of-
His face wrapped, a buzzer sounds, and a giant sarcophagus springs forward, trapping Florida Man inside - much to the delight of the studio audience.
The sarcophagus.
A GoPro provides minor illumination, and an awkward camera angle, as Florida Man's arm is wrapped to his body. Using his tongue to poke a hole in the gauze, FML is able to free enough of his lower face that he can address the screen. From the sounds of laughter outside his crypt, the show has continued... and the gator may be in there for awhile.
Florida Man:
Darlene.
History lesson.
During last year's parade, I made it to the semi-finals... before being put down by the eventual winner, Dylan Black. Does that mean Dylan is better than me? Hells no. He was just better that night, and the truth is... I had a tougher journey getting to that semi. Just ask Kira's anus. Me and Black should have been the finals... but that ain't how the cards were dealt. So alls I has to show for the last parade is a heap of scar tissue. Adding insult to injury... Black wins the hardcore championship, and they open it up to all challengers... except participants in the Parade. I guess they thought we were all spent, and would be courting injury? Whatever their thinking, I was basically screwed out of a rematch.
...Since then... they've opened it up to all comers... but the damage is done.
Which is why even though I've spent a YEAR begging Kira, then Nausicaä, to book me... I never proactively threw my name into that division. It's a question of principle.
You watch the anniversary show, Dar? Me and Steve really stole that six-man... I even took time away from pummelling Kira to lay into him. This tournament? Beat Awesome again. Everything is pointing towards a BIG MATCH between us... but the only chance that is gonna be for the Hardcore strap? I ain't putting my name up, I need to WIN a shot through this parade. Only way it's happening.
This is my DO OVER.
...What does the win mean for you, Dar? That you're a chip off PRICE's block? That you continue to live in Dylan Black's shadow?
You shouldn't want that, and certainly don't need it.
So you lose. You've been around long enough that you can use the momentum of just being a finalist to go after Harding. That's your path. So don't get too upset when I maim you... be thankful... be happy that I'm helping you be the best PRICE you can be.
You're welcome, Dar.
AND KNOW... that even if J-RoK is home to a thousand demons...
...you're all gonna learn...
I'M DEMON NUMBER ONE!
The light on the GoPro dies, plunging the sarcophagus into darkness. If only Gazoo was around to remind people that Florida Man was still inside.
"Dang."
While most local puroresu shows run out of the Kawasaki Prefectural Gymnasium, J-RoK management booked the stadium as the final venue for the Parade of 1000 Demons. At one point this historic venue sported thirty thousand seats - sadly, the stands were removed in 2001, as part of a renovation geared towards American football. Now seating is just under three thousand. A judgement by the Super Saiyan on Florida Man and Darlene Price's ability to pack a larger venue? No. As a pay per view, there will be far more eyes judging the headlining merits of these not quite Visual Kei players. The venue was no doubt selected because it was the former stomping grounds of extreme originators FMV, as the Parade's hardcore action will be a loving tribute to the corpses that came before. That is the charitable interpretation. In truth, it's far more likely the stadium was chosen because J-RoK has a hard time booking enclosed spaces after the Tokyo Dome inferno. The match stipulation certainly promises geysers of blood, which would be rather dangerous if there was a roof.
All of these factors run through the celebrated deviant's lizard brain, as he meditates on the best way to promote the match. Countless hours have been put into conceptualizing the advertising for this thousand demons finale, with the best minds that the Epcot Mafia have to offer brainstorming one hundred points of marketing magnificence...
BOOM!
Florida Man:
WRESTLING! GET YOUR WRESTLING OVER HERE!
BOOM!
Florida Man:
COME WATCH THE WRESTLING NOW! WHO'S READY?
BOOM!
Your friendly neighbourhood serial killer has modified a T-shirt cannon to use copious gunpowder, firing flaming flyers up in the air. Staggering around outside Kawasaki Stadium, FML shoots his mortar into the night sky, while barking about the upcoming fight to fleeing crowds.
SMASH CUT to a 711 in Florida, where the bicycle that used to be the Ultimate Warrior regales the clerk behind the counter with this ad campaign.
Nametag Melvin:
Dan! Make Ultimate Warrior tell the story right.
Dan Marino (defeated):
That's what really happened.
Nametag Melvin:
Oh. ...wasn't Gazoo around to stop him?
Ultimate Warrior:
DING.
Earlier.
The backstage of the Bum Game is bustling with a ridiculous number of production assistants, almost like the game show was overcompensating to convince people that it was a real thing. Half-naked models strut back to their change rooms, tastefully pixelated because this is Japan. A few of them are startled to the side, as a dwarf painted green stomps towards an exit.
Florida Man:
Gaz-
The Sunshine State Stud chases after his conscience.
Florida Man:
So we didn't win-
Gazoo:
Go to hell! You said I'd only be out there... in the buff... for two minutes. That was a FULL HOUR.
Florida Man:
While I was trying to figure out which butt was yours... they let me talk about the parade finals! An hour of free exposure to the kind of perverts that have Dar's poster on their walls? You can't buy publicity like that - so I pretended I didn't recognize any of the bums and milked it for all it was worth!
Gazoo:
Spare me your bum milking, even at the end of the show, you still didn't get it right!
Florida Man:
An honest mista-
Excuses are cut short, as Gazoo slams the door shut behind him. Florida Man is left alone in the television studio. Looks like FML is going to have to finish this press junket without the assistance of his attorney. What's the worst that can happen?
Warehouse Kawasaki.
The five story arcade has been designed to look like Hong Kong's former Kowloon Walled City. A large group of tough looking teenagers crowd around a far corner, where Florida Man is taking on a small child at a Street Fighter 2 cabinet.
Florida Man (in the middle of making a point while button mashing):
So you see... the Parade finals is gonna be a lot like Vega versus Chun-Li. Dar is Chun-Li... nice legs, daddy issues... while I am Vega - wearing a mask to protect my pretty face, and ultimately the winner-
Small child:
"Yay!"
Wait, what? The Sunshine State Stud turns back to the screen in time to see...
Chun-Li (text):
I'M THE STRONGEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
Florida Man:
Vega lost? And the writing is in English? This machine is clearly broken...
Pulling out his trusty T-Shirt bazooka-
BOOM!
It's close enough that the flyers actually manage to shatter the screen - shooting sparks up into the air. The teenagers scatter - not trusting J-RoK employees not to be terrorists.
Florida Man:
Wait, I'm not E.V.E.! ......Please remember to tune into the Parade Finals, don't even ask permission to use your folks credit cards!
As our protagonist's pitches fall on deaf ears, familiar red lights circle through the grimy windows.
Fujiko F. Fujio Museum.
Police load Florida Man - who is dressed as Doraemon - into their cruiser.
Florida Man:
I'm just trying to promote a massive J-RoK show.
Beat Cop Ozawa:
"Who is on it?"
Florida Man:
I'm taking on Darlene Price.
Beat Cop Tobita:
"She's great. Don't know you-"
Florida Man:
J-RoK haven't used me much in 2023... so I've been "overseas learning" for this BIG comeback.
Beat Cop Ozawa:
"Well you can promote again, after a night in the drunk tank-"
Florida Man:
But I have to appear on Tore! tonight...
Beat Cop Tobita:
"Really? .........Tore!'s the best-"
The cops exchange a knowing look.
Beat Cop Ozawa:
"...I'll drive."
Tore!
Joined in progress, of the many challenges this latest game show could throw Florida Man's way, he is part of the infamous Mummification routine. Florida Man is being wrapped in gauze like a mummy - until he gets a question right...
Florida Man:
...So tune into the Demon finale!
Rei Minami:
"Speaking of which... for the traditional parade of demons - how many of the yokai take part?"
Florida Man:
.......I should know this.
Mechanical arms spin, quickly wrapping Florida Man from toe to head, as he struggles to remember the thousand he's been pimping for the past week.
Florida Man:
It's on the tip of-
His face wrapped, a buzzer sounds, and a giant sarcophagus springs forward, trapping Florida Man inside - much to the delight of the studio audience.
The sarcophagus.
A GoPro provides minor illumination, and an awkward camera angle, as Florida Man's arm is wrapped to his body. Using his tongue to poke a hole in the gauze, FML is able to free enough of his lower face that he can address the screen. From the sounds of laughter outside his crypt, the show has continued... and the gator may be in there for awhile.
Florida Man:
Darlene.
History lesson.
During last year's parade, I made it to the semi-finals... before being put down by the eventual winner, Dylan Black. Does that mean Dylan is better than me? Hells no. He was just better that night, and the truth is... I had a tougher journey getting to that semi. Just ask Kira's anus. Me and Black should have been the finals... but that ain't how the cards were dealt. So alls I has to show for the last parade is a heap of scar tissue. Adding insult to injury... Black wins the hardcore championship, and they open it up to all challengers... except participants in the Parade. I guess they thought we were all spent, and would be courting injury? Whatever their thinking, I was basically screwed out of a rematch.
...Since then... they've opened it up to all comers... but the damage is done.
Which is why even though I've spent a YEAR begging Kira, then Nausicaä, to book me... I never proactively threw my name into that division. It's a question of principle.
You watch the anniversary show, Dar? Me and Steve really stole that six-man... I even took time away from pummelling Kira to lay into him. This tournament? Beat Awesome again. Everything is pointing towards a BIG MATCH between us... but the only chance that is gonna be for the Hardcore strap? I ain't putting my name up, I need to WIN a shot through this parade. Only way it's happening.
This is my DO OVER.
...What does the win mean for you, Dar? That you're a chip off PRICE's block? That you continue to live in Dylan Black's shadow?
You shouldn't want that, and certainly don't need it.
So you lose. You've been around long enough that you can use the momentum of just being a finalist to go after Harding. That's your path. So don't get too upset when I maim you... be thankful... be happy that I'm helping you be the best PRICE you can be.
You're welcome, Dar.
AND KNOW... that even if J-RoK is home to a thousand demons...
...you're all gonna learn...
I'M DEMON NUMBER ONE!
The light on the GoPro dies, plunging the sarcophagus into darkness. If only Gazoo was around to remind people that Florida Man was still inside.
"Dang."