Post by Rage and Cage on Dec 20, 2023 17:35:42 GMT -5
The High Rollers suite looks as if a tornado hit it as Nicholas H. Cage walks in from the kitchen. He takes a hit off his vape pen and scratches his head.
Nicholas Honest Cage: “Where are our belts?”
His brother grumbles on the couch.
“Woke” Wesley Rage: “Re-possessed by the capitalist forces who feared our power!”
Cage: “Good. I thought we lost them.”
Rage: “We did lose them back to Epcot Mafia. Is there anywhere Marty Donovan isn’t? Like, get laid, dude.”
Cage: “I could help him with that.”
Rage glares at him.
Cage: “By being his wingman! Not back sticking it to him. Just want to be clear about that.”
Rage sighs.
Rage: “Brother, if you were truly into that, no one would be happier for you than I, but no brother of mine is fucking Marty Donovan.”
Cage: “On that, we agree. But, for reals, all respect to gay dudes.”
Rage: “Of course.”
Cage: “I couldn’t be getting head while feeling a beard all on my balls. It’d throw me off my game.”
Rage: “Some people are obviously into that, and it’s a beautiful act of love or two consenting people needing to kill some time. However it happens, it’s fantastic.”
Cage: “You’re the expert, bro.”
Rage: “You flatter me, bro.”
Cage: “Anyway, our belts are gone?”
Rage: “Ugh…don’t get me started! They were stolen from us during our Lost Weekend celebrating our big title win at Battle of Britain II!”
Cage: “I don’t even remember it.”
Rage: “It’s a blur for me, too….Who makes champions defend on the next show? Whatever happened to a fucking grace period!? I was busy marching for the rights of Palestinians! I didn’t think I had to defend my title. I had the flu, or maybe COVID, and jet lag. It’s so unfair!”
Cage: “Udder bullshit.”
Rage: “Right?! It’s…udder bullshit?”
Cage: “Yeah, it’s a saying.”
Rage: “You meant ‘utter bullshit’,’ right?”
Cage: “Utter? What’s utter? No, no. Udder bullshit. Bullshit comes out of a boy cow, and girl cows have udders. That fits together.”
Rage: “I…”
Cage: “Yeah, it makes me think, too.”
Cage takes another hit of his vape pen.
Rage: “We’ll get back to that, but first things first. We are the Palestinians, bro. We use a minor bit for force to stick up for ourselves, then the right-wing Zionists use that as an excuse to commit genocide against us! That’s why we stand with our people in Gaza!”
Cage: “I’m standing right now!”
Rage: “Attaboy! We won’t take this lying down! I’ll continue my hacktivism for Palestine while training to take back our tag team titles!”
Cage: “At the next PPV!”
Rage: “Errrr….no.”
Cage: “Why not? We beat the Epcots, then they got a rematch on the next show. The Epcots beat us, so we get a rematch on the next show.”
Rage: “Whoa, Nic, you’re making too much sense, and WUK hates that! No, we don’t get to redeem ourselves. We have to face the Glucks.”
Cage: “Then we get our rematch!”
Rage: “No, that goes to the winner of tag team threeway.”
Cage: “So the teams in this threeway, are they all girls or two girls and a guy?”
Rage: “No.”
Cage: “Gross.”
Rage: “Quite! The former tag team champions get the scraps, and I mean that literally. This retro chic bullshit in WUK is getting old. First, Elon Hunter comes back and gets a World Title shot that should have gone to Wesley Crane, then the Glucks come back. Did we hit a time loop and go back to 2022?”
Cage: “It’s happened to me before, then I switched strains. Irregardless, Elon’s got more money than Mr. Crane. I can see why he got a title shot.”
Rage: “That’s not…fuck it. Fuck Hunter and Musk.”
Cage: “We can’t do that. Don’t you remember our conversation earlier?”
Rage: “I’m moving on, and you should, too. We have to face those inbred hillbillies, and we need to re-establish ourselves as the top team in WUK.”
Cage: “Should we still the Glucks’ dirt like we did with Florida Man?”
Rage: “People hated it the first time we did it, so probably not. The Glucks won’t need that kind of dedication. We can just distract them with an algebra equation and pick up a quick win.”
Cage: “X equals losers!”
Rage: “X equals rednecks!”
Cage: “X equals not good at wrestling!”
Rage: “X equals regressive white trash!”
Cage: “X equals bad at wrestling!”
Rage: “X equals whiskey tango!”
Henderson knocks on the door, then pokes his head in.
Henderson: “Guys, can you stop vaping the elevators? Guests are complaining!”
Cage: “Fuck you, Henderson! And tell your mom her adult braces are scratching up my dick!”
Henderson: “Fuck you, Cage!”
Cage: “Fuck you, Henderson! Tell your grandma to stop texting me after last call at the bingo hall!”
Henderson: “My grandma’s dead!”
Cage: “Then tell her to stop haunting me after last call!”
An enraged Henderson slams the door and leaves.
Cage: “I like that guy.”
Rage: “And I like being part of the best group in WUK: The High Rollers Club.”
Cage: “It don’t suck.”
Rage: “And 2024 belongs to the two men in this room!”
Cage: “And one of them is me, right?”
Nicholas Honest Cage: “Where are our belts?”
His brother grumbles on the couch.
“Woke” Wesley Rage: “Re-possessed by the capitalist forces who feared our power!”
Cage: “Good. I thought we lost them.”
Rage: “We did lose them back to Epcot Mafia. Is there anywhere Marty Donovan isn’t? Like, get laid, dude.”
Cage: “I could help him with that.”
Rage glares at him.
Cage: “By being his wingman! Not back sticking it to him. Just want to be clear about that.”
Rage sighs.
Rage: “Brother, if you were truly into that, no one would be happier for you than I, but no brother of mine is fucking Marty Donovan.”
Cage: “On that, we agree. But, for reals, all respect to gay dudes.”
Rage: “Of course.”
Cage: “I couldn’t be getting head while feeling a beard all on my balls. It’d throw me off my game.”
Rage: “Some people are obviously into that, and it’s a beautiful act of love or two consenting people needing to kill some time. However it happens, it’s fantastic.”
Cage: “You’re the expert, bro.”
Rage: “You flatter me, bro.”
Cage: “Anyway, our belts are gone?”
Rage: “Ugh…don’t get me started! They were stolen from us during our Lost Weekend celebrating our big title win at Battle of Britain II!”
Cage: “I don’t even remember it.”
Rage: “It’s a blur for me, too….Who makes champions defend on the next show? Whatever happened to a fucking grace period!? I was busy marching for the rights of Palestinians! I didn’t think I had to defend my title. I had the flu, or maybe COVID, and jet lag. It’s so unfair!”
Cage: “Udder bullshit.”
Rage: “Right?! It’s…udder bullshit?”
Cage: “Yeah, it’s a saying.”
Rage: “You meant ‘utter bullshit’,’ right?”
Cage: “Utter? What’s utter? No, no. Udder bullshit. Bullshit comes out of a boy cow, and girl cows have udders. That fits together.”
Rage: “I…”
Cage: “Yeah, it makes me think, too.”
Cage takes another hit of his vape pen.
Rage: “We’ll get back to that, but first things first. We are the Palestinians, bro. We use a minor bit for force to stick up for ourselves, then the right-wing Zionists use that as an excuse to commit genocide against us! That’s why we stand with our people in Gaza!”
Cage: “I’m standing right now!”
Rage: “Attaboy! We won’t take this lying down! I’ll continue my hacktivism for Palestine while training to take back our tag team titles!”
Cage: “At the next PPV!”
Rage: “Errrr….no.”
Cage: “Why not? We beat the Epcots, then they got a rematch on the next show. The Epcots beat us, so we get a rematch on the next show.”
Rage: “Whoa, Nic, you’re making too much sense, and WUK hates that! No, we don’t get to redeem ourselves. We have to face the Glucks.”
Cage: “Then we get our rematch!”
Rage: “No, that goes to the winner of tag team threeway.”
Cage: “So the teams in this threeway, are they all girls or two girls and a guy?”
Rage: “No.”
Cage: “Gross.”
Rage: “Quite! The former tag team champions get the scraps, and I mean that literally. This retro chic bullshit in WUK is getting old. First, Elon Hunter comes back and gets a World Title shot that should have gone to Wesley Crane, then the Glucks come back. Did we hit a time loop and go back to 2022?”
Cage: “It’s happened to me before, then I switched strains. Irregardless, Elon’s got more money than Mr. Crane. I can see why he got a title shot.”
Rage: “That’s not…fuck it. Fuck Hunter and Musk.”
Cage: “We can’t do that. Don’t you remember our conversation earlier?”
Rage: “I’m moving on, and you should, too. We have to face those inbred hillbillies, and we need to re-establish ourselves as the top team in WUK.”
Cage: “Should we still the Glucks’ dirt like we did with Florida Man?”
Rage: “People hated it the first time we did it, so probably not. The Glucks won’t need that kind of dedication. We can just distract them with an algebra equation and pick up a quick win.”
Cage: “X equals losers!”
Rage: “X equals rednecks!”
Cage: “X equals not good at wrestling!”
Rage: “X equals regressive white trash!”
Cage: “X equals bad at wrestling!”
Rage: “X equals whiskey tango!”
Henderson knocks on the door, then pokes his head in.
Henderson: “Guys, can you stop vaping the elevators? Guests are complaining!”
Cage: “Fuck you, Henderson! And tell your mom her adult braces are scratching up my dick!”
Henderson: “Fuck you, Cage!”
Cage: “Fuck you, Henderson! Tell your grandma to stop texting me after last call at the bingo hall!”
Henderson: “My grandma’s dead!”
Cage: “Then tell her to stop haunting me after last call!”
An enraged Henderson slams the door and leaves.
Cage: “I like that guy.”
Rage: “And I like being part of the best group in WUK: The High Rollers Club.”
Cage: “It don’t suck.”
Rage: “And 2024 belongs to the two men in this room!”
Cage: “And one of them is me, right?”