Post by Rage and Cage on Dec 21, 2023 15:02:47 GMT -5
With a large amount of vapor coming out of his mouth, Nic Cage is the human steam engine as he walks through downtown Halifax. He notices his brother and smiles and smiles as they meet up.
Cage: Legal weed everywhere! Gotta love it! Not the same variety as America, but it’s good stuff.
Rage: And real healthcare that actually manages to care for everyone! An improvement on the United States in most ways.
Cage: Not too cold, either.
Rage: Smells a little fishy, though.
Cage: Hellllllllllllloooooooooo, ladies!
Cage chuckles at the old joke.
Rage: It’s punching down to laugh at people with vaginas who may not have the education or money to adequately clean that part of their bodies. They’re not like penises, you know.
Cage: Bro, I know.
Cage grins and takes another hit from his pen.
Rage: Speaking of dicks, what’s our plan for the Glucks?
Cage: I’ll take the dumb one.
Rage: How on earth does that narrow it down?
Cage: Fine. I’ll take the smelly one.
Rage: Absolutely no help at all.
Cage: The fat one!
Rage: Are you even trying?
Cage: It’s not my fault they’re the exact same! I’m used to tag teams having balance. Like Salt and Pepper! One’s white, and one’s black.
Rage: No, they’re not.
Cage: Oh. Well, Epcot Mafia! Marty Donovan has a beard, and Florida Man doesn’t have a beard.
Rage: That tracks.
Cage: Neon Bushido has one Japanese guy.
Rage: They’re both Japanese.
Cage: Really? How about Bull and Bird? One’s big, and one’s small.
Rage: That’s true.
Cage: So the Glucks are just another two dudes who are exactly alike?
Rage: In every way conceivable.
Cage: That’s weak.
Rage: The weakest. You get one, and you get that other one.
Cage: I hope no one says that about us.
Rage: Even if they did, we know who’s who.
Cage: Yeah.
Both pause and think about it. They look at each other.
Rage: I’m the one.
Cage: Nuh-uh, I’m the one!
Rage: Are you serious? I’m the crusader for social justice. I impact the world and fight for right! If they say it about us, they mean: You get that Wesley, and you get that Nic.
Cage: Why couldn’t they say: You get that Nic, and you get that Wesley?
Rage: No one says that! I’m the hero! You just get high all the time!
Cage: And how!
Cage takes another hit off his pen.
Rage: YOU ARE SO THAT OTHER ONE!
Cage: Whatever. We’re not here to debate that. We’re here to figure out the Glucks.
Rage: Yes, we are.
Cage: Glucks.
Rage: Amoral assfaces antithetical to our aptitude.
Cage: Bumbling buffoons not belonging in our business.
Rage: Cockamamy cunts with no capability for civilization.
Cage: Dumbfounded and doddering…
Takes another hit and grins.
Cage: Dopes.
Rage: Eternally effective at embarrassing everyone.
Cage: Floundering fuckers with a forte for failure.
Rage: Glucks gonna get gutted.
Cage: Hopeless humans having a hard time.
Rage: Imbeciles, ignoramuses, idiots, and incompetent.
Cage: Jackasses, jokes, jerks, and japes.
Rage: Klutzes kidding their kin about killing it.
Cage: Losers who lofty longings leave them lugubrious.
Rage raises his eyebrows in amazement as Cage grins.
Rage: Morons making monkeyshine for managers of morality.
Cage: Normally nincompoops…
Rage: Neglecting neat order of nature.
Cage: Nice.
Rage: Ostentatiously offering no overture for orderliness.
Cage: Putrid performances from these poor puglists.
Rage: Questioning…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Quizzing…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Querying their quality is quite a quandary.
Cage: Readily reasoning their relative repute or rank as rivals.
Rage: Stupid, sadistic savages searching for siblings for sensual…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Sexual satisfaction…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Satiation.
Cage: Troubling troglodytes with their two-timing…
Rage: Or…
Cage shoots him a look.
Cage: Treachery, tricks, or treason.
Rage: Ubiquitously and universally uninspiring, uncertain, unsteady…
Chage: Cheating!
Rage: Useless underbelly usually usurped by us.
Cage: Vigorously vying for vilification.
Rage: Weak, whimpering, and wobbly washouts, wrecks, and wastes.
Cage: Xennials, not xenial but xenophobic.
Rage shoots Cage an impressed look.
Rage: Yenning, yearning yeomen yacking, yet yielding.
Cage: Zany or zoological with zero, zip, or zilch chances of reaching the zenith.
They shake hands and hug.
Rage: Well done.
Cage: We are on the same page and clicking on all gears!
Rage: We can finally put the Glucks away for good. It’s about time. Their stench has made everyone in the arena sick for the last time!
Cage hits his vape pen again.
Cage: Fucking degenerates.
Rage: I can’t even say I truly hate them. Do they reach the threshold of being able to comprehend their actions? I don’t want to come off as ableist, but I can’t tell. They seem to understand the rules of a wrestling match, so maybe they’re just barely there. The sooner they’re gone; the less it’s a problem.
Cage: I feel you, bro. I don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t have time for the ‘tards, you know?
Rage: What the fuck did you just say?
Cage: I didn’t say the r-word. I only said like two-thirds of the word. That’s fine.
Rage: No, it’s not! You can’t go around saying that! That’s just as bad as the n-word!
Cage: It’s not even in the same stratosphere, bro.
Rage: How can you say that?
Cage: Simple. If I said the n-word around a black guy, I’m getting my ass beat. I say the r-word around a bunch of r-words, and I’m getting hugged. How can it be offensive if it doesn’t offend the group everyone says it offends?
Rage: Bro, there are tons of neurodivergents who can understand what the slur means and are hurt by it. You don’t get to make the call on how they should feel.
Cage: Since when?
Rage: Since always! You have to think of the Glucks as minimally competent and can’t treat this match as a hate crime!
Cage: But I hate them!
Rage: You better only hate them for who they are!
Cage: ‘Tards?
Rage: NIC!
Cage: Legal weed everywhere! Gotta love it! Not the same variety as America, but it’s good stuff.
Rage: And real healthcare that actually manages to care for everyone! An improvement on the United States in most ways.
Cage: Not too cold, either.
Rage: Smells a little fishy, though.
Cage: Hellllllllllllloooooooooo, ladies!
Cage chuckles at the old joke.
Rage: It’s punching down to laugh at people with vaginas who may not have the education or money to adequately clean that part of their bodies. They’re not like penises, you know.
Cage: Bro, I know.
Cage grins and takes another hit from his pen.
Rage: Speaking of dicks, what’s our plan for the Glucks?
Cage: I’ll take the dumb one.
Rage: How on earth does that narrow it down?
Cage: Fine. I’ll take the smelly one.
Rage: Absolutely no help at all.
Cage: The fat one!
Rage: Are you even trying?
Cage: It’s not my fault they’re the exact same! I’m used to tag teams having balance. Like Salt and Pepper! One’s white, and one’s black.
Rage: No, they’re not.
Cage: Oh. Well, Epcot Mafia! Marty Donovan has a beard, and Florida Man doesn’t have a beard.
Rage: That tracks.
Cage: Neon Bushido has one Japanese guy.
Rage: They’re both Japanese.
Cage: Really? How about Bull and Bird? One’s big, and one’s small.
Rage: That’s true.
Cage: So the Glucks are just another two dudes who are exactly alike?
Rage: In every way conceivable.
Cage: That’s weak.
Rage: The weakest. You get one, and you get that other one.
Cage: I hope no one says that about us.
Rage: Even if they did, we know who’s who.
Cage: Yeah.
Both pause and think about it. They look at each other.
Rage: I’m the one.
Cage: Nuh-uh, I’m the one!
Rage: Are you serious? I’m the crusader for social justice. I impact the world and fight for right! If they say it about us, they mean: You get that Wesley, and you get that Nic.
Cage: Why couldn’t they say: You get that Nic, and you get that Wesley?
Rage: No one says that! I’m the hero! You just get high all the time!
Cage: And how!
Cage takes another hit off his pen.
Rage: YOU ARE SO THAT OTHER ONE!
Cage: Whatever. We’re not here to debate that. We’re here to figure out the Glucks.
Rage: Yes, we are.
Cage: Glucks.
Rage: Amoral assfaces antithetical to our aptitude.
Cage: Bumbling buffoons not belonging in our business.
Rage: Cockamamy cunts with no capability for civilization.
Cage: Dumbfounded and doddering…
Takes another hit and grins.
Cage: Dopes.
Rage: Eternally effective at embarrassing everyone.
Cage: Floundering fuckers with a forte for failure.
Rage: Glucks gonna get gutted.
Cage: Hopeless humans having a hard time.
Rage: Imbeciles, ignoramuses, idiots, and incompetent.
Cage: Jackasses, jokes, jerks, and japes.
Rage: Klutzes kidding their kin about killing it.
Cage: Losers who lofty longings leave them lugubrious.
Rage raises his eyebrows in amazement as Cage grins.
Rage: Morons making monkeyshine for managers of morality.
Cage: Normally nincompoops…
Rage: Neglecting neat order of nature.
Cage: Nice.
Rage: Ostentatiously offering no overture for orderliness.
Cage: Putrid performances from these poor puglists.
Rage: Questioning…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Quizzing…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Querying their quality is quite a quandary.
Cage: Readily reasoning their relative repute or rank as rivals.
Rage: Stupid, sadistic savages searching for siblings for sensual…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Sexual satisfaction…
Cage: Or…
Rage: Satiation.
Cage: Troubling troglodytes with their two-timing…
Rage: Or…
Cage shoots him a look.
Cage: Treachery, tricks, or treason.
Rage: Ubiquitously and universally uninspiring, uncertain, unsteady…
Chage: Cheating!
Rage: Useless underbelly usually usurped by us.
Cage: Vigorously vying for vilification.
Rage: Weak, whimpering, and wobbly washouts, wrecks, and wastes.
Cage: Xennials, not xenial but xenophobic.
Rage shoots Cage an impressed look.
Rage: Yenning, yearning yeomen yacking, yet yielding.
Cage: Zany or zoological with zero, zip, or zilch chances of reaching the zenith.
They shake hands and hug.
Rage: Well done.
Cage: We are on the same page and clicking on all gears!
Rage: We can finally put the Glucks away for good. It’s about time. Their stench has made everyone in the arena sick for the last time!
Cage hits his vape pen again.
Cage: Fucking degenerates.
Rage: I can’t even say I truly hate them. Do they reach the threshold of being able to comprehend their actions? I don’t want to come off as ableist, but I can’t tell. They seem to understand the rules of a wrestling match, so maybe they’re just barely there. The sooner they’re gone; the less it’s a problem.
Cage: I feel you, bro. I don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t have time for the ‘tards, you know?
Rage: What the fuck did you just say?
Cage: I didn’t say the r-word. I only said like two-thirds of the word. That’s fine.
Rage: No, it’s not! You can’t go around saying that! That’s just as bad as the n-word!
Cage: It’s not even in the same stratosphere, bro.
Rage: How can you say that?
Cage: Simple. If I said the n-word around a black guy, I’m getting my ass beat. I say the r-word around a bunch of r-words, and I’m getting hugged. How can it be offensive if it doesn’t offend the group everyone says it offends?
Rage: Bro, there are tons of neurodivergents who can understand what the slur means and are hurt by it. You don’t get to make the call on how they should feel.
Cage: Since when?
Rage: Since always! You have to think of the Glucks as minimally competent and can’t treat this match as a hate crime!
Cage: But I hate them!
Rage: You better only hate them for who they are!
Cage: ‘Tards?
Rage: NIC!