For Those Left Behind (XHF Tag Title Match)
Dec 21, 2023 20:15:38 GMT -5
bloodiedfox, mosler, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Dec 21, 2023 20:15:38 GMT -5
He mourned. Tongo the Transformer was on his knees with his head in his hands. “So many left behind…” he sobbed to himself. He was of course talking about the cases upon cases of Bud Light being sold at near-giveaway prices at a local liquor store. The display was grand and large because the most popular beer in America was no longer.
“This can’t be the end,” he though. He shook his head and continued his thought out loud, “No, The End is a tag team. This is just a minor setback.” Tongo was sad and disappointed by what America had become while he was in the stomach of a dracolich. Bud Light had tried to support people who’d undergone transformations- just like him.
He shook his head. “How could everyone be so bigoted?” he asked himself. As he stroked a box of the beer that formed his old costume he feared that perhaps his own transformative nature would be mocked and feared by Bud Light’s former target market. Would they be unable to accept that he had become a transformed man from eating strange meats within the belly of a monster?
Tongo chuckled as he mumbled to himself. “The End knows about transformations. After all, Mehrunes Smith’s mask used to be just that- a mask. Now he’s given into outside pressure and embraced the whole spooky Lovecraftian thing.” Just like millions of conservatives had given into pressure from Fox News to hate their favorite beer. America had indeed changed. Perhaps it too had eaten strange meat and been transformed. “Hypocrites, all of them,” he mused as he caressed a box of his former identity.
As he mourned he mourned even harder because he also remembered another evil that befell the world while he had been safely cloistered within the beast: CM Punk had returned to wrestling, first the AEW and then the WWE. This was perhaps the most egregious thing to happen to the country he once called home. “I don’t even get why they like him,” he said. “He’s like the Carlos Mencia of wrestling.” Tongo the Transformer knew the truth. He knew that all of CM Punk’s repertoire had come from One-Eyed Pete and The Surfer IV (the PWF version of Surfer IV [The St. Louis PWF, that is]).
The ‘mainstream’ sell-outs were all the same. Just piles of stolen moves. Why, almost all of the moves you see on Smackdown were actually originated by REAL wrestlers- indy guys cutting their teeth and doing the work. Tongo knew. He knew that the Superman Punch, the Skull-Crushing Finale, and even the 619 were his moves. Yes, he didn’t really use them much (or at all) before they become really famous- but they were HIS and the INDY CROWDS’ before being bastardized for the masses. REAL FANS knew it, and so did he. And come DTF’s show, Tongo would show the world how those moves and many others that are super recognizable are REALLY done, indy style.
Nodding to himself, Tongo knew what he had to do. “I have to transform- one more time,” he said. “To defend REAL [read: indy] wrestling AND to gain the XHF Tag-Team Championships from The End. I’m willing to cross the line, go pro, and win titles if it means getting attention needed to save those left behind.” …This time meaning the millions (or more, Mosler is pretty crazy) of people trapped inside of Dinosaur Bones awaiting a murky death.
With a heavy hand Tongo pulled a case of Bud Light closer to him as he kneeled on the floor of the liquor store…
*We open on Bud/Buzz Lightbeer/Lightyear of Bar Command in all of his glo- ok that’s probably not the right word as he’s currently passed out in the local liquor store. Around him are empty cans of Bud Light as well as boxes he’s cannibalized to upcycle them into a crude garment just barely resembling the space suit of a famous Disney property. Only groans and snores escape his frame. Soon though he is joined by the poor part-time worker who was blessed to have the shift that featured the return of an indy wrestling legend.*
Worker: Uh, sir? Sir? As much as I’m sure Anheuser-Busch appreciates your patronage, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
*There is no response from Buzz, who’s more than lived up to the term today. The staffer lightly nudges the future hero(?) of Dinosaur Bones (the fed not the dracolich, though I guess through one the other will be resolved as well).*
Bud: *Vomits.*
Worker: Oh [CENSORED]. Oh that’s so- uh-uck-ga *vomits.*
*It would seem the worker had eaten a rather large lunch or dinner before all this went down.*
“Excuse me si-“
*The nimble worker turns to the voice and quickly puts up his hands as he tries to warn her off but alas, it is too late and her foot has reached the combined gastric expulsion. It is slippery. She goes down.*
Customer: WHAT THE- *vomits.*
Worker: Oh [CENSORED] [CENSORE- *vomits again.*
Bud: *Vomits more.*
*As the floor fills with America’s beer and also probably other regurgitated edibles and potables we know the resolve of Buzz Lightbeer and his desire to save his namesake, his frie- collea- associa- aquan- fellow victims of Dinosaur Bones. This isn’t The End, it’s a transformation- and isn’t that what it’s all really about?*
Everyone: *Vomits.*
“This can’t be the end,” he though. He shook his head and continued his thought out loud, “No, The End is a tag team. This is just a minor setback.” Tongo was sad and disappointed by what America had become while he was in the stomach of a dracolich. Bud Light had tried to support people who’d undergone transformations- just like him.
He shook his head. “How could everyone be so bigoted?” he asked himself. As he stroked a box of the beer that formed his old costume he feared that perhaps his own transformative nature would be mocked and feared by Bud Light’s former target market. Would they be unable to accept that he had become a transformed man from eating strange meats within the belly of a monster?
Tongo chuckled as he mumbled to himself. “The End knows about transformations. After all, Mehrunes Smith’s mask used to be just that- a mask. Now he’s given into outside pressure and embraced the whole spooky Lovecraftian thing.” Just like millions of conservatives had given into pressure from Fox News to hate their favorite beer. America had indeed changed. Perhaps it too had eaten strange meat and been transformed. “Hypocrites, all of them,” he mused as he caressed a box of his former identity.
As he mourned he mourned even harder because he also remembered another evil that befell the world while he had been safely cloistered within the beast: CM Punk had returned to wrestling, first the AEW and then the WWE. This was perhaps the most egregious thing to happen to the country he once called home. “I don’t even get why they like him,” he said. “He’s like the Carlos Mencia of wrestling.” Tongo the Transformer knew the truth. He knew that all of CM Punk’s repertoire had come from One-Eyed Pete and The Surfer IV (the PWF version of Surfer IV [The St. Louis PWF, that is]).
The ‘mainstream’ sell-outs were all the same. Just piles of stolen moves. Why, almost all of the moves you see on Smackdown were actually originated by REAL wrestlers- indy guys cutting their teeth and doing the work. Tongo knew. He knew that the Superman Punch, the Skull-Crushing Finale, and even the 619 were his moves. Yes, he didn’t really use them much (or at all) before they become really famous- but they were HIS and the INDY CROWDS’ before being bastardized for the masses. REAL FANS knew it, and so did he. And come DTF’s show, Tongo would show the world how those moves and many others that are super recognizable are REALLY done, indy style.
Nodding to himself, Tongo knew what he had to do. “I have to transform- one more time,” he said. “To defend REAL [read: indy] wrestling AND to gain the XHF Tag-Team Championships from The End. I’m willing to cross the line, go pro, and win titles if it means getting attention needed to save those left behind.” …This time meaning the millions (or more, Mosler is pretty crazy) of people trapped inside of Dinosaur Bones awaiting a murky death.
With a heavy hand Tongo pulled a case of Bud Light closer to him as he kneeled on the floor of the liquor store…
LATER
*We open on Bud/Buzz Lightbeer/Lightyear of Bar Command in all of his glo- ok that’s probably not the right word as he’s currently passed out in the local liquor store. Around him are empty cans of Bud Light as well as boxes he’s cannibalized to upcycle them into a crude garment just barely resembling the space suit of a famous Disney property. Only groans and snores escape his frame. Soon though he is joined by the poor part-time worker who was blessed to have the shift that featured the return of an indy wrestling legend.*
Worker: Uh, sir? Sir? As much as I’m sure Anheuser-Busch appreciates your patronage, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
*There is no response from Buzz, who’s more than lived up to the term today. The staffer lightly nudges the future hero(?) of Dinosaur Bones (the fed not the dracolich, though I guess through one the other will be resolved as well).*
Bud: *Vomits.*
Worker: Oh [CENSORED]. Oh that’s so- uh-uck-ga *vomits.*
*It would seem the worker had eaten a rather large lunch or dinner before all this went down.*
“Excuse me si-“
*The nimble worker turns to the voice and quickly puts up his hands as he tries to warn her off but alas, it is too late and her foot has reached the combined gastric expulsion. It is slippery. She goes down.*
Customer: WHAT THE- *vomits.*
Worker: Oh [CENSORED] [CENSORE- *vomits again.*
Bud: *Vomits more.*
*As the floor fills with America’s beer and also probably other regurgitated edibles and potables we know the resolve of Buzz Lightbeer and his desire to save his namesake, his frie- collea- associa- aquan- fellow victims of Dinosaur Bones. This isn’t The End, it’s a transformation- and isn’t that what it’s all really about?*
Everyone: *Vomits.*