R-E-S-P-E-K-T... YOU KNOW HOW IT'S SPELT!
Dec 27, 2023 18:58:48 GMT -5
Spike Kane, Eron Hunter, and 1 more like this
Post by flo on Dec 27, 2023 18:58:48 GMT -5
Respect.
The commonwealth championship rests on a white desk. One needs only look at the plethora of cleaning products scattered around the belt, or the genuine lustre to its metallic surface, to recognize the level of respect that it's current owner holds the strap in. Polished so neatly, that you might think it was about to be staged for a product shot. A claw reaches down, running a silk cloth across the belt's surface. The scaly faced luchador stares down at his singles achievement, while addressing the camera with a toothy grin which is permanently built into his facial expression. Why is Florida Man always laughing? ...because he doesn't have a choice.
Florida Man:
Y'all see my embarrassment of riches, and tell yourselves... the Wrestle: United Kingdom heavyweight championship... the last mountain for that swingin' gator to cliggity climb! "DAAAAAAAAANG, that there Florida Man must have the gold fever!" Possibly, imma what the free clinic call a natural carrier... but I ain't no Thorin. Hells no, I still got a much harder challenge in front of me than gold... something more prestigious than the WUK heavyweight strap. (holds up scaly claw) Don't get me wrong, that ain't a knock, I ain't denigrating the tippity top title! I NEED IT! ...but what I is sayin' is statistically accurate. World champs? WE'VE had six. Commonwealth? Eight. ....but the REAL test of a champion? How many of those commonwealth champions actually successfully defended their gold? Not many. Mostly the strap looks like musical chairs, with immediate drops... unless you go back to the OG. UNLESS.... you go back to my biggity boy, Eron Hunter.
Reflecting on that magnificent run, the claw pats the championship proudly.
Florida Man:
219 days. Six defences. You look at the formative year of WUK, and the big story? The breakout star? ERON. HUNTER. He MADE this title special. Putting on matches against a diverse cast of characters, and dragging them all to contests that easily rivalled anything going on in the main event scene. The Man! Not just smoke and mirrors, when it came time for a W:UK star to finally capture a global title for US, Hunter made Daigo Arakawa his bitch! The JHC. I won that for a Japanese outfit, that really didn't deserve it - you're in good company, Eron, I'm just glad pulled it off for a BETTER company. Honestly, we have been building up to your W:UK world title run for a long time, and it is only in its infancy... I don't feel right trying to take it off you... (shrug) Battle of Britain. What can I do? My lucky streak has demanded this match go down, that you take this here Florida MANG down a peg. ....just know it ain't personal. I respect the heck out of you, Eron. LEGIT yo. The value of my commonwealth title is a result of your hard work, and it means a lot to m-
Looking up from the belt, Florida Man's cartoon gaze shifts to a computer monitor. The eBay page has refreshed. Commonwealth Championship was apparently cleaned up for a product shot. SOLD.
Florida Man:
Swiggity SWEET! (pointing) They used to the buy it now feature-
"Booty, Booty, Booty, Booty, Rockin' everywhere..."
The Bubba Sparxxx ringtone can only mean that someone needs meth. This looks like a job for FLORIDA MAN!
"BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, ROCKIN' EVERYWHE-"
Reaching into his overalls, Florida produces the burner cell that is vibrating. Yes it is a Nokia flip phone... how did you know?
Florida Man (answering):
Hello?
Mr. Blood (phone):
Florida, Blood here. I was the winning bidder on the commonwealth title.
Florida Man:
Congratulations! You must really want that title. Gift for a loved one? What is that- like the third time in a row now?
Mr. Blood:
Fifth. And as I told you the previous times, you are not allowed to sell the commonwealth title, which is considered W:UK property... so the funds used to make the sale will be coming out of your future earnings with us. All your succeeding in doing is giving eBay a handler fee out of your wrestling pay.
Florida Man:
Don't worry - just like blackjack, I'LL FIND A WAY TO BEAT THE SYSTEM!
Mr. Blood:
At this rate you'll owe us so much backpay, you'll be making W:UK appearances for years to come-
Florida Man:
Hrm... sounds like I'm gonna have a cashflow problem. .....Can I get some positive seller reviews?
Mr. Blood hangs up.
Florida Man:
Hello? .......Uh.... (double take to the camera) he was probably racing to write a glowing recommendation. Ya know, I also move precious wrestling metals on etsy too...
Opening a new tab, Florida Man starts to set up a different market place entry for Hunter's legacy, when he remembers the camera. Stopping himself, Florida Man turns his back on the computer, finally facing the camera with the kind of giant smile that suggests he can't help himself.
Florida Man:
So yeah, Eron. You might be worried that I'm not taking our match seriously... that I'm not going to give it my all... but I went through THIRTY wrestlers to get a piece of you. Battle of Britain. You haven't faced a challenger that has worked HARDER for a shot at your prestige. Every person in that match was a BIG DEAL, and could just as easily be the challenger... but it was me. So I'm not going to insult the Golden Dragons of the world, by not making the most of the experience.
I'm in it, to win it.
Could still go either way... but I do know one thing. When the dust clears, regardless of which of us has their hands raised? What we do together in that ring... is gonna be the W:UK match of the dang year!
Thanks for that, Eron.
The cartoon eyes don't betray the scheme, but a match like that would really help sell the commonwealth title.
Respect.
The commonwealth championship rests on a white desk. One needs only look at the plethora of cleaning products scattered around the belt, or the genuine lustre to its metallic surface, to recognize the level of respect that it's current owner holds the strap in. Polished so neatly, that you might think it was about to be staged for a product shot. A claw reaches down, running a silk cloth across the belt's surface. The scaly faced luchador stares down at his singles achievement, while addressing the camera with a toothy grin which is permanently built into his facial expression. Why is Florida Man always laughing? ...because he doesn't have a choice.
Florida Man:
Y'all see my embarrassment of riches, and tell yourselves... the Wrestle: United Kingdom heavyweight championship... the last mountain for that swingin' gator to cliggity climb! "DAAAAAAAAANG, that there Florida Man must have the gold fever!" Possibly, imma what the free clinic call a natural carrier... but I ain't no Thorin. Hells no, I still got a much harder challenge in front of me than gold... something more prestigious than the WUK heavyweight strap. (holds up scaly claw) Don't get me wrong, that ain't a knock, I ain't denigrating the tippity top title! I NEED IT! ...but what I is sayin' is statistically accurate. World champs? WE'VE had six. Commonwealth? Eight. ....but the REAL test of a champion? How many of those commonwealth champions actually successfully defended their gold? Not many. Mostly the strap looks like musical chairs, with immediate drops... unless you go back to the OG. UNLESS.... you go back to my biggity boy, Eron Hunter.
Reflecting on that magnificent run, the claw pats the championship proudly.
Florida Man:
219 days. Six defences. You look at the formative year of WUK, and the big story? The breakout star? ERON. HUNTER. He MADE this title special. Putting on matches against a diverse cast of characters, and dragging them all to contests that easily rivalled anything going on in the main event scene. The Man! Not just smoke and mirrors, when it came time for a W:UK star to finally capture a global title for US, Hunter made Daigo Arakawa his bitch! The JHC. I won that for a Japanese outfit, that really didn't deserve it - you're in good company, Eron, I'm just glad pulled it off for a BETTER company. Honestly, we have been building up to your W:UK world title run for a long time, and it is only in its infancy... I don't feel right trying to take it off you... (shrug) Battle of Britain. What can I do? My lucky streak has demanded this match go down, that you take this here Florida MANG down a peg. ....just know it ain't personal. I respect the heck out of you, Eron. LEGIT yo. The value of my commonwealth title is a result of your hard work, and it means a lot to m-
Looking up from the belt, Florida Man's cartoon gaze shifts to a computer monitor. The eBay page has refreshed. Commonwealth Championship was apparently cleaned up for a product shot. SOLD.
Florida Man:
Swiggity SWEET! (pointing) They used to the buy it now feature-
"Booty, Booty, Booty, Booty, Rockin' everywhere..."
The Bubba Sparxxx ringtone can only mean that someone needs meth. This looks like a job for FLORIDA MAN!
"BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, ROCKIN' EVERYWHE-"
Reaching into his overalls, Florida produces the burner cell that is vibrating. Yes it is a Nokia flip phone... how did you know?
Florida Man (answering):
Hello?
Mr. Blood (phone):
Florida, Blood here. I was the winning bidder on the commonwealth title.
Florida Man:
Congratulations! You must really want that title. Gift for a loved one? What is that- like the third time in a row now?
Mr. Blood:
Fifth. And as I told you the previous times, you are not allowed to sell the commonwealth title, which is considered W:UK property... so the funds used to make the sale will be coming out of your future earnings with us. All your succeeding in doing is giving eBay a handler fee out of your wrestling pay.
Florida Man:
Don't worry - just like blackjack, I'LL FIND A WAY TO BEAT THE SYSTEM!
Mr. Blood:
At this rate you'll owe us so much backpay, you'll be making W:UK appearances for years to come-
Florida Man:
Hrm... sounds like I'm gonna have a cashflow problem. .....Can I get some positive seller reviews?
Mr. Blood hangs up.
Florida Man:
Hello? .......Uh.... (double take to the camera) he was probably racing to write a glowing recommendation. Ya know, I also move precious wrestling metals on etsy too...
Opening a new tab, Florida Man starts to set up a different market place entry for Hunter's legacy, when he remembers the camera. Stopping himself, Florida Man turns his back on the computer, finally facing the camera with the kind of giant smile that suggests he can't help himself.
Florida Man:
So yeah, Eron. You might be worried that I'm not taking our match seriously... that I'm not going to give it my all... but I went through THIRTY wrestlers to get a piece of you. Battle of Britain. You haven't faced a challenger that has worked HARDER for a shot at your prestige. Every person in that match was a BIG DEAL, and could just as easily be the challenger... but it was me. So I'm not going to insult the Golden Dragons of the world, by not making the most of the experience.
I'm in it, to win it.
Could still go either way... but I do know one thing. When the dust clears, regardless of which of us has their hands raised? What we do together in that ring... is gonna be the W:UK match of the dang year!
Thanks for that, Eron.
The cartoon eyes don't betray the scheme, but a match like that would really help sell the commonwealth title.
Respect.