JH Title Match 3: The Search for Dinosaur Bones
Dec 28, 2023 20:09:12 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, Kira Izumi, and 3 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Dec 28, 2023 20:09:12 GMT -5
*We fade in as Paramount+’s the Star Trekker watches through a glass door in a white futuristic (well, as far as 1982 could imagine) room as Lord Dominicus stumbles towards her. Heroic music lightly plays to let you know he just did some great service to everyone; however he’s dying. Star Trek fans will automatically assume it is radiation or something, but casuals will likely not understand any of this. The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK can’t hold himself up and weakly falls to his knees. The Star Trekker squats down so she can see him face to face.*
LD: I want…you to know….that I will always….
*Our heroine leans in waiting for him to finally acknowledge her.*
LD: ….be better than you…..you….loser interloper…
*Painfully he holds his hand to the glass with a middle finger raised.*
Trekker: For the love of- YEAH YOU JUST GO ON AND DIE THEN YOU MOTHE-
*Suddenly Star Trekker bolts up in her bed. She looks around her and realizes she’s been dreaming.*
Trekker: Oh come on, it was just getting to the good part!
*The theme to “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” plays as the camera slowly winds through a not-dense-at-all set of palm(?) trees. Slowly, so slowly, the camera pans down to bare ground and then to a fence being leaned on by a forlorn looking cowboy. He sadly looks over a black lake of tar. The tar bubbles.*
*Presumably continuing from earlier, Star Trekker sleepily exits her room wearing Star Trek themed pajamas, even how though she’s got the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship on her shoulder. She shuffles into the main meeting area where Lord Dominicus and Big Bone are sitting at the table discussing something, or brooding, or plotting- Trekker doesn’t really care since she’s sleepy. Almost instinctively she reaches into a pocket of the PJs and produces her phone.*
Trekker: Oh man where’s that coffee nebula when you need it, right guys?
BB: No olvides que tienes una defensa del campeonato en el pay-per-view de J-ROK.
Phone: Don't forget that you have a championship defense at the J-ROK pay-per-view.
Trekker: Wait what? Ooooooh man, that’s right, I have to defend the title every month, don’t I?
LD: What title?
Trekker: …The Junior Heavyweight Championship. You know, because I’m the only member of our quartet with a title?
LD: One, we were a trio, you’re a dry-land stowaway. Two, I’m still not convinced that you’re actually a champion.
Trekker: What are you talking about, I have the title right he-
*She checks her shoulder, no title.*
LD: Uh-oh, she’s spacing out again.
BB: This is el mes anterior all over again.
Trekker: What are you guys talking about?
LD: You don’t remember last month?
*The living embodiment of Star Trek blinks at the two men.*
Trekker: Wait what? No I wasn’t spacing out I was talking to Dinosaur Bo….
*She drifts of as she looks at his empty spot at the table.*
Trekker: But…
LD: He’s gone.
BB: Tar pit.
*Oh also now Lord Dominicus has the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship. Nobody seems to acknowledge this.*
Trekker: But…
*Before she can really understand all of this a young man with a blonde perm bursts into the room.*
Young Man: MOM! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME AND DAD BEHIND ON A SPACE STATION!
Trekker: I’m not nearly old enough to be your mom!
*Everyone is confused. But there’s more. From the other side comes a group of Klingons.*
Klingon Leader(?): You have brought dishonor to our house and therefore I will kill your son!
*The Klingons rush the young man, taking him hostage.*
Trekker: GUUUUUUYS, I already told you we weren't actually doing search for Spoooooooock.
*The young woman stomps her feet in frustration. Also she has the title again, there’s no explanation for this. Suddenly a brick flies through the window. Everyone looks to the broken glass as a reptilian visage fills it.*
Florida Man: In my culture this is a mating ritual.
Trekker: *Gak*
LD: Oh oh, she made the "Down with the Sickness" sound! I told you it wasn't autotune.
BB: No he dicho que lo fuera.
Trekker: I just threw up in my mouth.
FM: Then it’s working!
Trekker: Guys, I need to get ready….for my match?
BB: Si.
Klingon Leader: I haven’t seen your name on any cards.
*Also now the Klingon’s leader is wearing the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship as a baldric. Again, there is no explanation.*
LD: I’m still not convinced you’re actually the champion of anything.
Young Man: I mean I don’t see any title on your shoulder…
FM (Now inside, no reason given): If you need a ride to Japan we can do a little bedknobs and broomsticks action if you know what I mean.
BB: Está aquí, en la tarjeta J-ROK.
*Big Bone is pointing to his phone. Also he’s wearing the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship on his head- well, it’s resting on his head neatly.*
LD: I’m telling you she’s not even champ!
Trekker: No….match? Not…champ?
Klingon Leader: HONOR DEMANDS BLOOD!
*The Klingon leader stabs the young man claiming to be Trekker’s estranged son despite a clear lack of age difference, he dies. Florida Man is chewing on the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship.*
FM: I’ve got a dinosaur bone for you.
*All of the noises and happenings around the Star Trekker becomes a cacophony of indecipherable noise as the room begins to spin around her.*
LD: Uh, she’s getting overstimulated. Timbeeeeeeeer!
*Indeed, the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion goes down as she faints.*
*Paramount+’s the Star Trekker wakes up with a start! She holds her quilt close to her but her bare shoulders suggest she’s not wearing much (if anything) underneath. She looks down, her face seems to confirm that she’s not wearing much…if anything. Slowly and painfully she turns to make sure she didn’t bang Florida Man again but what she seas registers an…*
Trekker: O-M-G.
*It’s George Takei, the former Mr. Sulu. He awakens and looks at her.*
Takei: Oh my.
Trekker: Mr. Takei I am so sorry! I must have taken advantage of you while we were drinking or something- I don’t really remember!
Takei: Oh no.
Trekker: Right?
Takei: I mean, “Oh no, you didn’t take advantage of me.”
Trekker: Wait, what?
Takei: It was consensual…
*The two then move in to make out-*
*She wakes up again! Still probably naked, still in bed.*
William Shatner: I see you’ve awaken, my dear.
*Oh no, she’s in bed with William Shatner, this dream is much worse. The Star Trekker screams, hoping to rouse herself awake.*
Shatner: Strangest thing though, you kept calling me George. I guess you really liked my “Read my Lips” maneuver, eh?
Trekker: *Gak* Oh I just threw up again in my mouth.
FM: Yes! Yes! Your body is getting ready!
*Florida Man oozes up from the floor holding the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship in one hand and the updated card for J-ROK’s “Raison D’Etre 4” in his other. The Star Trekker doesn’t wake up. This is the life of a champ.*
LD: I want…you to know….that I will always….
*Our heroine leans in waiting for him to finally acknowledge her.*
LD: ….be better than you…..you….loser interloper…
*Painfully he holds his hand to the glass with a middle finger raised.*
Trekker: For the love of- YEAH YOU JUST GO ON AND DIE THEN YOU MOTHE-
*Suddenly Star Trekker bolts up in her bed. She looks around her and realizes she’s been dreaming.*
Trekker: Oh come on, it was just getting to the good part!
*The theme to “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” plays as the camera slowly winds through a not-dense-at-all set of palm(?) trees. Slowly, so slowly, the camera pans down to bare ground and then to a fence being leaned on by a forlorn looking cowboy. He sadly looks over a black lake of tar. The tar bubbles.*
JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH III:
THE SEARCH FOR DINOSAUR BONES
THE SEARCH FOR DINOSAUR BONES
*Presumably continuing from earlier, Star Trekker sleepily exits her room wearing Star Trek themed pajamas, even how though she’s got the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship on her shoulder. She shuffles into the main meeting area where Lord Dominicus and Big Bone are sitting at the table discussing something, or brooding, or plotting- Trekker doesn’t really care since she’s sleepy. Almost instinctively she reaches into a pocket of the PJs and produces her phone.*
Trekker: Oh man where’s that coffee nebula when you need it, right guys?
BB: No olvides que tienes una defensa del campeonato en el pay-per-view de J-ROK.
Phone: Don't forget that you have a championship defense at the J-ROK pay-per-view.
Trekker: Wait what? Ooooooh man, that’s right, I have to defend the title every month, don’t I?
LD: What title?
Trekker: …The Junior Heavyweight Championship. You know, because I’m the only member of our quartet with a title?
LD: One, we were a trio, you’re a dry-land stowaway. Two, I’m still not convinced that you’re actually a champion.
Trekker: What are you talking about, I have the title right he-
*She checks her shoulder, no title.*
LD: Uh-oh, she’s spacing out again.
BB: This is el mes anterior all over again.
Trekker: What are you guys talking about?
LD: You don’t remember last month?
Trekker: I’m literally the only person here who has a title.
*Everyone stops and looks at her.*
LD: Wait, really?
Trekker: Yeah, losers.
LD: Uh…pie is for um…
BB: …Miembros de rango superior.
LD: Yeah, REAL members of the team, not interlopers.
Trekker: But I was gonna use it for a promo!
*She then turns to where Dinosaur Bones would be sitting were he alive and not in a tar pit. She then freezes for several moments as the other two pretend not to notice. Finally.*
Trekker: HAHA! Well I better get out of here then before I end up back in your stomach!
*The Star Trekker then walks off as LD and BB shrug.*
*Everyone stops and looks at her.*
LD: Wait, really?
Trekker: Yeah, losers.
LD: Uh…pie is for um…
BB: …Miembros de rango superior.
LD: Yeah, REAL members of the team, not interlopers.
Trekker: But I was gonna use it for a promo!
*She then turns to where Dinosaur Bones would be sitting were he alive and not in a tar pit. She then freezes for several moments as the other two pretend not to notice. Finally.*
Trekker: HAHA! Well I better get out of here then before I end up back in your stomach!
*The Star Trekker then walks off as LD and BB shrug.*
*The living embodiment of Star Trek blinks at the two men.*
Trekker: Wait what? No I wasn’t spacing out I was talking to Dinosaur Bo….
*She drifts of as she looks at his empty spot at the table.*
Trekker: But…
LD: He’s gone.
BB: Tar pit.
*Oh also now Lord Dominicus has the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship. Nobody seems to acknowledge this.*
Trekker: But…
*Before she can really understand all of this a young man with a blonde perm bursts into the room.*
Young Man: MOM! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME AND DAD BEHIND ON A SPACE STATION!
Trekker: I’m not nearly old enough to be your mom!
*Everyone is confused. But there’s more. From the other side comes a group of Klingons.*
Klingon Leader(?): You have brought dishonor to our house and therefore I will kill your son!
*The Klingons rush the young man, taking him hostage.*
Trekker: GUUUUUUYS, I already told you we weren't actually doing search for Spoooooooock.
*The young woman stomps her feet in frustration. Also she has the title again, there’s no explanation for this. Suddenly a brick flies through the window. Everyone looks to the broken glass as a reptilian visage fills it.*
Florida Man: In my culture this is a mating ritual.
Trekker: *Gak*
LD: Oh oh, she made the "Down with the Sickness" sound! I told you it wasn't autotune.
BB: No he dicho que lo fuera.
Trekker: I just threw up in my mouth.
FM: Then it’s working!
Trekker: Guys, I need to get ready….for my match?
BB: Si.
Klingon Leader: I haven’t seen your name on any cards.
*Also now the Klingon’s leader is wearing the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship as a baldric. Again, there is no explanation.*
LD: I’m still not convinced you’re actually the champion of anything.
Young Man: I mean I don’t see any title on your shoulder…
FM (Now inside, no reason given): If you need a ride to Japan we can do a little bedknobs and broomsticks action if you know what I mean.
BB: Está aquí, en la tarjeta J-ROK.
*Big Bone is pointing to his phone. Also he’s wearing the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship on his head- well, it’s resting on his head neatly.*
LD: I’m telling you she’s not even champ!
Trekker: No….match? Not…champ?
Klingon Leader: HONOR DEMANDS BLOOD!
*The Klingon leader stabs the young man claiming to be Trekker’s estranged son despite a clear lack of age difference, he dies. Florida Man is chewing on the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship.*
FM: I’ve got a dinosaur bone for you.
*All of the noises and happenings around the Star Trekker becomes a cacophony of indecipherable noise as the room begins to spin around her.*
LD: Uh, she’s getting overstimulated. Timbeeeeeeeer!
*Indeed, the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion goes down as she faints.*
*Paramount+’s the Star Trekker wakes up with a start! She holds her quilt close to her but her bare shoulders suggest she’s not wearing much (if anything) underneath. She looks down, her face seems to confirm that she’s not wearing much…if anything. Slowly and painfully she turns to make sure she didn’t bang Florida Man again but what she seas registers an…*
Trekker: O-M-G.
*It’s George Takei, the former Mr. Sulu. He awakens and looks at her.*
Takei: Oh my.
Trekker: Mr. Takei I am so sorry! I must have taken advantage of you while we were drinking or something- I don’t really remember!
Takei: Oh no.
Trekker: Right?
Takei: I mean, “Oh no, you didn’t take advantage of me.”
Trekker: Wait, what?
Takei: It was consensual…
*The two then move in to make out-*
*She wakes up again! Still probably naked, still in bed.*
William Shatner: I see you’ve awaken, my dear.
*Oh no, she’s in bed with William Shatner, this dream is much worse. The Star Trekker screams, hoping to rouse herself awake.*
Shatner: Strangest thing though, you kept calling me George. I guess you really liked my “Read my Lips” maneuver, eh?
Trekker: *Gak* Oh I just threw up again in my mouth.
FM: Yes! Yes! Your body is getting ready!
*Florida Man oozes up from the floor holding the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship in one hand and the updated card for J-ROK’s “Raison D’Etre 4” in his other. The Star Trekker doesn’t wake up. This is the life of a champ.*