Post by flo on Dec 29, 2023 23:53:14 GMT -5
The Holidays.
A knock at the door usually means the mailman is looking for a tip, so Marty moves a little less in his chair. The jingle jangle of a credit card picking the lock, however, can only be friends visiting. Donovan rises to greet this home intruder, just as the door swings open and the Sunshine State Stud saunters in bearing a box.
Florida Man:
Afternoon Marty! Can't stay, I'm quadruple parked on someone... just wanted to drop this off. I know you miss your family this time of year.... (holding out gift) so, I hope this helps.
Marty Donovan (uncomfortably accepting the package):
Very kind of you.... but Ollie isn't really comfortable hanging onto hot merchandise while you find buyers.
Florida Man:
Nah pal, it's a gift!
Marty Donovan:
I didn't think we were- (nod) thank you.
Disney's Own finds it easier to humour the meth dealer, but feigned politeness is no longer an option when the contents are revealed. It's like Se7en.
Mart Donovan:
....what. is. this.
Florida Man:
An Anointed Fan Club membership! This way, you can be part of their gang again, like you were before they replaced you with Steve!
Marty Donovan:
The Anointed aren't my family!
Florida Man (warm claw on his shoulder):
...I feel the same way, brother.
Marty Donovan:
No. I have an actual family. ...I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE ANOINTED!
Florida Man:
Nonsense, I've never seen you happier. There was a real spring in your step, back when you were kicking Kilroy's ass. I've never felt closer to you. ...Now this tier of membership entitles you to one El Rey cameo video chat.
Marty Donovan (pushing gift back):
I won't accept this.
Florida Man:
What a Scrooge........ now THAT's The Anointed Marty we all know and love!
It is clear that Marty has fallen on tough times due to Paramount+'s amazing holiday schedule, and unable to swing a gift for the gator - is too proud to accept this wonderful present. Florida Man makes a mental note to take something of similar or greater value from Marty's home on the way out... you know... for Christmas.
The cameo app opens up with El Rey's smiling face. The youngest wrestler to hold the X*Crown is sporting reading glasses to get his assigned message correct. Kayfabe is dead.
El Rey (adjusting specs):
Hello Martin, your best friend Florence tells me you're the world's biggest Anointed fan. ...Who isn't?
Too proud to accept this beautiful gesture, it is not Marty but Florida Man who is watching Rey on a burner phone.
Florida Man:
Uh, Rey-
El Rey (too into reading his message to acknowledge the gator):
-which is why I want to make you an honorary FIFTH member of the Anointed! Merry Chris-
Florida Man:
Yeah, Marty isn't here-
El Rey (dropping paper):
No kidding Marty isn't here, I know your mask, you creep.
Florida Man:
So this cameo isn't going to be the gift I thought it was. Can you think of a good gift for Marty?
El Rey:
I just get paid to read the message. You want advice? That's a whole other price range. So you want me to continue with the agreed upon statement?
Florida Man:
I guess-
El Rey (returning to paper):
Me and Steve Awesome are gonna go get some Popeyes, if only you were here - honorary Anointed member Martin, it'd be the best Christmas ever!
Drooling out of his elongated gator maw, Florida Man dreams of Popeyes and wishes HE got the invite as the fifth Anointed member. Marty has all the luck.
Waking up to the sound of breaking ornaments, Marty Donovan climbs down the stairs to his den - ready to take on any burglers with his trusty Mickey Mouse shaped baseball bat. Flipping a light switch, Marty is greeted by Santa Claus.
Florida Claus (almost knocking over tree):
Happy hohoholidays, pal! I almost forgot... I also picked this up for you.
Marty Donovan (resigned to open the gift to get the Floridian out of his living room):
Oh.
A Lorcana card... Gantu.
Marty Donovan:
...You really shouldn't have. I actually have this one, (trying to be positive) but you can never have enough Lorcana.
Florida Man seems to stifle a chuckle at the thought that this is a duplicate. Picking up on the body language, Marty turns his gaze to the far corner of the den where his prized trading card collection has gone missing-
Marty Donovan (readying bat):
Give me back my cards, you son of a-
Before Disney HR has to talk to Marty about the optics of beating up Santa, the camera cuts before the hit.
A sharpie has simulated a black eye for the gator mask, which Florida Man holds a steak too. Returning to the cameo application, El Rey doesn't seem happy to see FML again.
El Rey:
...I really have to fire my agent.
Florida Man:
So any advice about what to get Marty?
El Rey:
An honorary Anointed membership. Best shot he has at getting back in...
Florida Man (writing it down):
Golden.
El Rey:
Cash is good.
Florida Man (still writing):
Great thinking.
El Rey:
Don't be one of those aunts you wish death on for knitting a sweater. Anyone can do that. Give him something that only YOU can do...
Florida Man:
....only I can do...?
El Rey:
CASH.
Florida Man (no longer paying attention):
.................beating Steve.
El Rey:
Wait, what?
Defined by cartoon physics, a lightbulb turns on over Florida Man's head, as he finally thinks of the perfect gift. It's such a good idea that the bulb explodes.
A knock at the door usually means the mailman is looking for a tip, so Marty moves a little less in his chair. The jingle jangle of a credit card picking the lock, however, can only be friends visiting. Donovan rises to greet this home intruder, just as the door swings open and the Sunshine State Stud saunters in bearing a box.
Florida Man:
Afternoon Marty! Can't stay, I'm quadruple parked on someone... just wanted to drop this off. I know you miss your family this time of year.... (holding out gift) so, I hope this helps.
Marty Donovan (uncomfortably accepting the package):
Very kind of you.... but Ollie isn't really comfortable hanging onto hot merchandise while you find buyers.
Florida Man:
Nah pal, it's a gift!
Marty Donovan:
I didn't think we were- (nod) thank you.
Disney's Own finds it easier to humour the meth dealer, but feigned politeness is no longer an option when the contents are revealed. It's like Se7en.
Mart Donovan:
....what. is. this.
Florida Man:
An Anointed Fan Club membership! This way, you can be part of their gang again, like you were before they replaced you with Steve!
Marty Donovan:
The Anointed aren't my family!
Florida Man (warm claw on his shoulder):
...I feel the same way, brother.
Marty Donovan:
No. I have an actual family. ...I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE ANOINTED!
Florida Man:
Nonsense, I've never seen you happier. There was a real spring in your step, back when you were kicking Kilroy's ass. I've never felt closer to you. ...Now this tier of membership entitles you to one El Rey cameo video chat.
Marty Donovan (pushing gift back):
I won't accept this.
Florida Man:
What a Scrooge........ now THAT's The Anointed Marty we all know and love!
It is clear that Marty has fallen on tough times due to Paramount+'s amazing holiday schedule, and unable to swing a gift for the gator - is too proud to accept this wonderful present. Florida Man makes a mental note to take something of similar or greater value from Marty's home on the way out... you know... for Christmas.
The cameo app opens up with El Rey's smiling face. The youngest wrestler to hold the X*Crown is sporting reading glasses to get his assigned message correct. Kayfabe is dead.
El Rey (adjusting specs):
Hello Martin, your best friend Florence tells me you're the world's biggest Anointed fan. ...Who isn't?
Too proud to accept this beautiful gesture, it is not Marty but Florida Man who is watching Rey on a burner phone.
Florida Man:
Uh, Rey-
El Rey (too into reading his message to acknowledge the gator):
-which is why I want to make you an honorary FIFTH member of the Anointed! Merry Chris-
Florida Man:
Yeah, Marty isn't here-
El Rey (dropping paper):
No kidding Marty isn't here, I know your mask, you creep.
Florida Man:
So this cameo isn't going to be the gift I thought it was. Can you think of a good gift for Marty?
El Rey:
I just get paid to read the message. You want advice? That's a whole other price range. So you want me to continue with the agreed upon statement?
Florida Man:
I guess-
El Rey (returning to paper):
Me and Steve Awesome are gonna go get some Popeyes, if only you were here - honorary Anointed member Martin, it'd be the best Christmas ever!
Drooling out of his elongated gator maw, Florida Man dreams of Popeyes and wishes HE got the invite as the fifth Anointed member. Marty has all the luck.
Waking up to the sound of breaking ornaments, Marty Donovan climbs down the stairs to his den - ready to take on any burglers with his trusty Mickey Mouse shaped baseball bat. Flipping a light switch, Marty is greeted by Santa Claus.
Florida Claus (almost knocking over tree):
Happy hohoholidays, pal! I almost forgot... I also picked this up for you.
Marty Donovan (resigned to open the gift to get the Floridian out of his living room):
Oh.
A Lorcana card... Gantu.
Marty Donovan:
...You really shouldn't have. I actually have this one, (trying to be positive) but you can never have enough Lorcana.
Florida Man seems to stifle a chuckle at the thought that this is a duplicate. Picking up on the body language, Marty turns his gaze to the far corner of the den where his prized trading card collection has gone missing-
Marty Donovan (readying bat):
Give me back my cards, you son of a-
Before Disney HR has to talk to Marty about the optics of beating up Santa, the camera cuts before the hit.
A sharpie has simulated a black eye for the gator mask, which Florida Man holds a steak too. Returning to the cameo application, El Rey doesn't seem happy to see FML again.
El Rey:
...I really have to fire my agent.
Florida Man:
So any advice about what to get Marty?
El Rey:
An honorary Anointed membership. Best shot he has at getting back in...
Florida Man (writing it down):
Golden.
El Rey:
Cash is good.
Florida Man (still writing):
Great thinking.
El Rey:
Don't be one of those aunts you wish death on for knitting a sweater. Anyone can do that. Give him something that only YOU can do...
Florida Man:
....only I can do...?
El Rey:
CASH.
Florida Man (no longer paying attention):
.................beating Steve.
El Rey:
Wait, what?
Defined by cartoon physics, a lightbulb turns on over Florida Man's head, as he finally thinks of the perfect gift. It's such a good idea that the bulb explodes.
THE HARDCORE FANTASY OF FLORIDA H. MAN
Snow falls on Sapporo.
Both city and weather are quite scenic.
...Except on the observation deck of the Sapporo TV Tower, where wind gusts intensify the snowflakes into a winter hell. Leaning against a railing, Demon No.1 watches as Odori Park freezes over.
Florida Man:
...catch that Meltzer report, Steve? The one that seemed to think Kira was still in charge of J-RoK? The report that was unaware we had a singles contest before? Nice guy, but I swear Tuna pays less attention than you do.
Melting snow adds a damp sheen to the mask's toothy grin, making the monster appear hungrier.
Florida Man:
We have a history Steve... just look at Night of Champions. All the predictions had us as the favourites... me dutifully representing J-RoK's interests, you propping up Hardkore World. Can you imagine that? J-RoK doing more to promote your X campaign, then the guy who was actually trying to win it for them? And DESPITE THAT... I had that match won, I was bringing Japan the crown, only for the Nihilists to screw me. ...What was your excuse?
Yeah, I'm an outsider in my own federation, Steve. Glad it amuses you. ...When you laughed about how much better J-RoK has treated you over the past year though, you made reference to the many championships I've picked up abroad while waiting to get booked. Mocked them as lesser straps. Cold, Steve. It may have been HKW's California strap, but its still one more Hardkore World singles title than you've managed to pick up. I'm sure you'll get your time to shine soon. Why, now that the HKW controls the crown - I figure you'll be prioritizing them shortly. Only a matter of time before you switch gears, Steve, and if I don't pick up the Hardcore championship, CJ Walker could be the lucky recipient of you catching a flu. Pipe dream? Tell that to Johnny Sniper. Nah, for all your bluster, you know that I am the best possible dude to lose that strap too.
I haven't seen much ring time here in 2023, but every time I do? I have your number, Steve. The Anniversary show? Watch our six-man tag... you haven't taken a beating like that in ANY of your defences. Parade of 1000 Demons two? The reason you didn't get out of the round robin stage, was me putting you through a bed of nails. I beat you. So even if my career here depends on it... you're the one who needs the win.
Besides... I'm not doing this for the gold... or to show J-RoK how to better use me.
Nah.
What this comes down to... Marty Donovan is MY FRIEND.
You hurt MY FRIEND. Kicked him out of his own Mean Girls club. ...Now I'm gonna hurt you.
You're The Face? I'm The Consequences!
Can't be done you say? You've defended against so many challengers, that losing no longer seems like a possibility. I admit, you have been DANG impressive, Steve...
...I mean, when was the last time an XHF star had an eight month reign? Oh right.
Bloodied Fox's celebrated junior run.
Bloodied Fox's celebrated junior run.
But... How did that end?
Oh right... I STOPPED HIM.
...So at least you'll be in good company.
Wiping the snow from his snout, J-RoK's least favourite son heads inside... out of the cold.