Post by Visit Neom on Dec 29, 2023 23:59:32 GMT -5
The shot fades up in your standard, tried and true setting for a professional wrestling promo, namely, the docking bay of an Imperial Star Destroyer. Rows of Stormtroopers watch as Dana Daniels and Deacon Oldham are escorted into the frame at blaster point. The former seal looks unphased, but the beekeeper is extremely nervous even though this is just the set of a Disney World ride.
Deacon:
Deacon:
Get your hands off me you Galactica geeks. Dana, why on Earth are you trembling?
A futuristic door slides open and out steps a cocky Marty Donovan. The Disney wrestler wears a white imperial officer uniform and his skin has been painted blue.
Marty:
A futuristic door slides open and out steps a cocky Marty Donovan. The Disney wrestler wears a white imperial officer uniform and his skin has been painted blue.
Marty:
Because what was first just a dream has become a frightening reality for those who may oppose my nuptial.
Dana gulps, but Deacon just rolls his eyes.
Dana:
Dana gulps, but Deacon just rolls his eyes.
Dana:
Mr. Donovan! Thank you so much for agreeing to meet us!
Deacon:
Deacon:
Why are you dressed as Papa Smurf?
Marty:
Marty:
Oh, naive Deacon. I’m cosplaying Mitth'raw'nuruodo Thrawn because you fell right into my master trap. Stealing Dana from my wrestling school knocked over the first domino in an intricate chain that will lead to me winning our battle of wits.
Deacon:
Deacon:
Bullshit. You’re not a master strategist. You don’t even know how to change the oil in your car.
Marty:
Marty:
I absolutely could easily do that, but I care about our economy and the fine people at Valvoline.
Dana:
Dana:
Deacon! Don’t insult, Mr.Donovan. We’re hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
Marty snaps his fingers and a middle aged lawyer in a Ben Quadinaros costume walks out with a briefcase. He opens it to reveal it is filled with cash and a legal document. Dana immediately drops to the ground and starts kissing Marty’s boots.
Dana:
Marty snaps his fingers and a middle aged lawyer in a Ben Quadinaros costume walks out with a briefcase. He opens it to reveal it is filled with cash and a legal document. Dana immediately drops to the ground and starts kissing Marty’s boots.
Dana:
Thank you so much! You’re the most generous man alive.
Marty:
Marty:
This isn’t a gift, it's a signing bonus for Deacon’s Non-Disparagement Agreement. He’s not allowed to have opinions on any of my actions, statements, or PROPOSALS.
The lawyer hands Deacon the contract and he immediately tears it in half. Marty is livid. Dana scrambles to pick up the pieces.
Deacon:
The lawyer hands Deacon the contract and he immediately tears it in half. Marty is livid. Dana scrambles to pick up the pieces.
Deacon:
I know what you’re getting at and the answer will always be no, clown.
Marty:
Stop saying that! I’m not a clown! Nothing about me is clownish!
The tense moment causes the fake Thrawn to sweat. A make-up lady runs in frame and applies more blue powder to his face. Marty nods in appreciation.
Deacon:
The tense moment causes the fake Thrawn to sweat. A make-up lady runs in frame and applies more blue powder to his face. Marty nods in appreciation.
Deacon:
Get up, Dana. Act like a man. There’s only one way to deal with gambling losses, staying at the table until you win. We’re walking out of Diamond Mine Six with the belt and more than enough winnings.
Marty:
Marty:
Get real! Dana doesn’t have a chance in that match! He’s a stupid honey cuck and the worst wrestler in history! He’s never won a single match. It’s clear you don’t know anything about wrestling because you actually see potential in this loser. I kept him around as a useful idiot. That moron actually thinks Jack stole his wife. Why would Diamond waste his time on that old hag when…
Dana is suddenly on his feet and uppercuts Marty. The fake imperial is knocked backwards into a prop tie fighter.
Dana:
Dana is suddenly on his feet and uppercuts Marty. The fake imperial is knocked backwards into a prop tie fighter.
Dana:
Don’t ever talk about my sweet Jodie like that again! You can shove your money up your ass! You were a terrible teacher! I’m winning the rumble and seeing me lift the belt will leave you…STUNG.
The two men embrace and leave Marty in a heap. A confused family rides by.
Dad:
The two men embrace and leave Marty in a heap. A confused family rides by.
Dad:
We waited 90 minutes in line for this?