Leaving Them Virtually Unharmed (King Edmund/Supremacy)
Jan 21, 2024 1:05:50 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by ForeverKuroi on Jan 21, 2024 1:05:50 GMT -5
The scene fades to Silvercrest, the Capital City of the Hallowed Country of Supremia. It spans through the glorified streets, filled with gold and adorned with the most luxurious of jewels in its most affluent neighborhoods. The camera accidentally takes a wrong turn and finds a putrid, disease-ridden corridor, which really shows how life is for the common Supremian citizen. It quickly corrects its mistake and goes back to the echo chamber that leads King Edmund to believe that Supremia is the greatest country on Earth. The camera leads further until it enters the Royal Palace, where the colors are a beautiful mix of gold, red, and silver. The camera stops at a very long table filled with delicate foods, such as turkey, lobster, prime rib, and white truffles. The table itself is large enough to seat dozens of people, yet, all the chairs are empty.
At the head of the table is none other than King Edmund the Fourth. And on the table close to him is one of the two belts that represents the XHF Tag Team Championship. On the right hand of King Edmund is Mutt, who eyes the XHF Tag Team Championship that he worked so hard to win. His fingers slowly crawl towards the belt until he slowly touches it. King Edmund doesn’t see this as he addresses the nearly a hundred people standing before him.
King Edmund IV: SUPREMIA! I return to this Beautiful City with good news! I have entered the ring valiantly at the Diamond Training Facility, the most jewel-themed wrestling promotion in the WORLD! Of course, it was named after the One and True King of the world, ME! They brought two men in front of me. They told me that I could not win. They told me that I was not worthy. They expected me to lose. BUT I ALONE STOOD UP TO THEM AND PROVED THEM WRONG! I HAVE WON THIS-
King Edmund grabs the belt before realizing that Mutt is also touching it. With his other hand, King Edmund backhands the large brute. Mutt groans in pain and lets go of the belt. Edmund, of course, grimaces.
King Edmund IV: You mangy Mutt! Were YOU the one who won this belt!? NO! IT WAS ME! HANDS OFF! Anyways, I have stood up to my enemies, those who hate our free Country. I have carried the pride of every Supremian as I have stood in the ring. So this victory that I have achieved here today was not mine alone, nor was it any of yours. It was done by Supremia! …And most importantly, ME!
Confused clapping thunders throughout the castle. The starving populous, however, cannot divert their eyes from the delicacy that lies right in front of them.
King Edmund IV: Now I see your prying eyes. I see them staring at the scrumptious meal that I have before you all. Normally, I’d berate you all for your insolence… but this is a special occasion, after all! So I will treat you all to a delicious dinner!
The crowd again cheers. This time, they aren’t cheering because failure to do so would mean death. No, this time they are cheering with enthusiasm and sincerity. King Edmund for once in a very long time, possibly ever, smiles
King Edmund IV: Yes, that’s right! You all get the honor of watching me eat this delicious food! No need to thank me all at once!
King Edmund sits down at the table and tucks a bib into his shirt. As this happens, some of the crowd who hear his words become quiet. This becomes infectious as there is an artificial end to the celebration. King Edmund cuts into one of the filet mignon medallions and delicately savors the test. Some of the Supremian people actually salivate as they watch something that they will never have. King Edmund’s expression degrades after the one bite but forces himself to swallow before standing up.
King Edmund IV: You know, this is a delicious meal, but I’m actually quite satiated. After all, I have already filled up on victory!
There’s an eerie silence that fills the room. King Edmund waits a few moments before slamming his fists on the table.
King Edmund IV: START LAUGHING AT MY HILARIOUS JOKE!
There’s an awkward laugh that starts to form throughout the castle. As they do, King Edmund motions toward some of the guards, who start clearing the five-star meal off the table to make its way toward the trash. Some of the people in attendance transition their half-hearted laughter into a passionate bout of openly weeping.
King Edmund IV: This party is over! Now get out of my castle!
King Edmund IV dismissively waves his hand as he turns around and walks back to his personal quarters. As he reaches his room, he activates some buttons on a wall-sized television screen. His tag team partner, Budd Lightbeer, answers the video chat.
Budd: Hello?
King Edmund IV: Good evening. It is, I, King Edmund the FOURTH. I am your King, and superior in this little team of ours.
Budd: It’s still morning in the United States. I know. No, you’re not, and no, you’re not.
King Edmund IV: I see that you have not attended the party in our honor.
Budd: That’s probably because I had no intention of going.
King Edmund IV: You know, I purchased a first-class ticket for you on Supremian Airlines.
Budd: I read the Google reviews, and it was terrible. Also, according to the news, half those planes that fly have their paths diverted…
King Edmund IV: Turbulence can be a real issue, as you kno-
Budd: …Into the ocean. Plus, the ticket wasn’t first-class. Next to the seat number, it says, “Cargo area, next to the luggage.”
King Edmund IV: Well I also got you a room at our finest hotel, the Supremian Crowne Hotel.
Budd: I saw that. I also saw the scribbled-out words for, “A One Way Ticket to the Imperial Supremian Penitentiary.”
King Edmund IV: Are you sure? That doesn’t sound like me.
Budd Lightbeer shuffles some things around from off-screen until he pulls out a piece of paper. He squints his eyes as he tries to make out the words through the scribbles.
Budd: Oh, and it also says, “That’s what you get for trying to make a fool out of your KING, in all caps, King Edmund the Fourth. And then I will punish you for taking the Supremian Stone and make an example out of you.” I was actually surprised you managed to write all of that on the ticket.
King Edmund pauses.
King Edmund IV: …You know, the prisons here are quite accommodating to our visitors. Our whips are soft and once you get through our Prisoner Re-education Program, you really get used to it.
Budd: Goodbye, Edmund.
King Edmund IV: THAT’S KING EDMUND TO Y-
The call ends.
King Edmund IV: -OU! …Sigh.
Yes. He actually says sigh.
King Edmund IV: You know, I need someone else to gloat about this win towards. Someone who needs to know their place about who the real leader in the world is. I think I’ll reach out to my dear refugee, Cumhersnatch. CALL HIM AT ONCE!
The television reacts and calls Jacob Friedman, the new name of Cumhersnatch, his Supremian name. For some inexplicable reason, he answers.
King Edmund IV: YOU! I AM THE VICTOR! I AM YOUR KING! SUPREMIA KNOWS GOLD ONCE MORE!
Cumhersnatch: And a good day to you too, King Edmund.
King Edmund IV: I’m about to call up the name of my enemies and tell them how I will vanquish them. How do you suggest I approach this?
Cumhersnatch: Well, to start things off, we tend to call them opponents and not enemies. You know, you aren’t going to try to actually kill them. You just want to pin them or make them tap out. Something like that.
King Edmund IV: WHAT!? We AREN’T trying to kill them?
Cumhersnatch: You’re joking, right? No, of course, you shouldn’t actually try to kill them.
King Edmund IV: Then why have I been whipping my dear Mutt!?
Cumhersnatch: I don’t know why you do anything you do. I generally assume it’s some mix between your narcissism and Napoleon Complex.
King Edmund IV: You know, I’ve watched some of the promos of the inferior wrestlers in the XHF Network and I’ve seen a lot of them insult others. Apparently, insulting people based on how they look is popular. Perhaps I can insult them based on the size of their phallus. Do you think that would be beneath me?
Jacob Friedman pauses, a bit taken aback by that question. He contemplates how to answer the question.
Cumhersnatch: You know, King Edmund, I don’t think it’s beneath you at all. In fact, I don’t think anything is beneath you.
King Edmund IV: Most good, Cumhersnatch. Most good. In that case, I’m going to look Ulysses straight in the eye and tell him, “Your phallus must be MASSIVE! It stands NO CHANCE against mine. While yours is big and blunt, mine is tiny and tenacious! Yours causes damage to women while mine leaves them virtually unharmed in any way!”
Cumhersnatch: Oh, uh…
King Edmund IV: And then I’ll go to Dana Daniels and tell him, “Hey, you plebeian! Your phallus is so massive, I can use it to travel from Supremia to England! This drastically differs from my miniature one! It is immune from damage! You could try to kick me there all day and you won’t be able to hit it! Heck, sometimes I can’t find it myself! Take that, you!”
Cumhersnatch: You know in The United States, people tend to think that those with big penises are-
King Edmund IV: PENIS!? Why would you use that sort of language!? Are you an IMBECILE!?
Cumhersnatch: Look, in The United States and basically anywhere outside of Supremia, penis doesn’t mean that. Actually… You know what? Nevermind. Do you have anything else you want to tell your opponents or are you just going to call to them all about your undetectably small phallus?
King Edmund IV: What else would I need to tell them?
Cumhersnatch: People usually talk about how strong they are or how weak their opponents are. They usually talk about the trials and tribulations that they go through when preparing for their matches.
King Edmund IV: …AND?!
Cumhersnatch: OK, so let’s just get this straight. So right when you get off the phone with me, you’re going to call up Dana Daniels and Ulysses and tell them how big their phalluses are.
King Edmund IV: EXACTLY!
Cumhersnatch: You know, I think this is a brilliant idea. You know, what would really make them scared is if you make a face at them. The crazier the face, the more that they’re going to feel insignificant with their… gargantuan phallus.
King Edmund IV: OK. So I’ll tell them that while making… THIS FACE!
Cumhersnatch: …Perfect. Go get’em, King Edmund.
Jacob Friedman ends the call. With a quick chuckle, he shakes his head.
Cumhersnatch: After all I put up with, I’m just going to let myself have this one. I just wish I could see that idiot when it all blows up in his face.
The scene cuts to King Edmund, who menacingly rubs his hands together.
King Edmund IV: Oh, King Edmund The Fourth. Let’s make history and make our enemies look like the FOOLS they are!
King Edmund IV looks back up at the monitor.
King Edmund IV: COMPUTER - CALL DANA DANIELS AND ULYSSES!
The cuts to black.
At the head of the table is none other than King Edmund the Fourth. And on the table close to him is one of the two belts that represents the XHF Tag Team Championship. On the right hand of King Edmund is Mutt, who eyes the XHF Tag Team Championship that he worked so hard to win. His fingers slowly crawl towards the belt until he slowly touches it. King Edmund doesn’t see this as he addresses the nearly a hundred people standing before him.
King Edmund IV: SUPREMIA! I return to this Beautiful City with good news! I have entered the ring valiantly at the Diamond Training Facility, the most jewel-themed wrestling promotion in the WORLD! Of course, it was named after the One and True King of the world, ME! They brought two men in front of me. They told me that I could not win. They told me that I was not worthy. They expected me to lose. BUT I ALONE STOOD UP TO THEM AND PROVED THEM WRONG! I HAVE WON THIS-
King Edmund grabs the belt before realizing that Mutt is also touching it. With his other hand, King Edmund backhands the large brute. Mutt groans in pain and lets go of the belt. Edmund, of course, grimaces.
King Edmund IV: You mangy Mutt! Were YOU the one who won this belt!? NO! IT WAS ME! HANDS OFF! Anyways, I have stood up to my enemies, those who hate our free Country. I have carried the pride of every Supremian as I have stood in the ring. So this victory that I have achieved here today was not mine alone, nor was it any of yours. It was done by Supremia! …And most importantly, ME!
Confused clapping thunders throughout the castle. The starving populous, however, cannot divert their eyes from the delicacy that lies right in front of them.
King Edmund IV: Now I see your prying eyes. I see them staring at the scrumptious meal that I have before you all. Normally, I’d berate you all for your insolence… but this is a special occasion, after all! So I will treat you all to a delicious dinner!
The crowd again cheers. This time, they aren’t cheering because failure to do so would mean death. No, this time they are cheering with enthusiasm and sincerity. King Edmund for once in a very long time, possibly ever, smiles
King Edmund IV: Yes, that’s right! You all get the honor of watching me eat this delicious food! No need to thank me all at once!
King Edmund sits down at the table and tucks a bib into his shirt. As this happens, some of the crowd who hear his words become quiet. This becomes infectious as there is an artificial end to the celebration. King Edmund cuts into one of the filet mignon medallions and delicately savors the test. Some of the Supremian people actually salivate as they watch something that they will never have. King Edmund’s expression degrades after the one bite but forces himself to swallow before standing up.
King Edmund IV: You know, this is a delicious meal, but I’m actually quite satiated. After all, I have already filled up on victory!
There’s an eerie silence that fills the room. King Edmund waits a few moments before slamming his fists on the table.
King Edmund IV: START LAUGHING AT MY HILARIOUS JOKE!
There’s an awkward laugh that starts to form throughout the castle. As they do, King Edmund motions toward some of the guards, who start clearing the five-star meal off the table to make its way toward the trash. Some of the people in attendance transition their half-hearted laughter into a passionate bout of openly weeping.
King Edmund IV: This party is over! Now get out of my castle!
King Edmund IV dismissively waves his hand as he turns around and walks back to his personal quarters. As he reaches his room, he activates some buttons on a wall-sized television screen. His tag team partner, Budd Lightbeer, answers the video chat.
Budd: Hello?
King Edmund IV: Good evening. It is, I, King Edmund the FOURTH. I am your King, and superior in this little team of ours.
Budd: It’s still morning in the United States. I know. No, you’re not, and no, you’re not.
King Edmund IV: I see that you have not attended the party in our honor.
Budd: That’s probably because I had no intention of going.
King Edmund IV: You know, I purchased a first-class ticket for you on Supremian Airlines.
Budd: I read the Google reviews, and it was terrible. Also, according to the news, half those planes that fly have their paths diverted…
King Edmund IV: Turbulence can be a real issue, as you kno-
Budd: …Into the ocean. Plus, the ticket wasn’t first-class. Next to the seat number, it says, “Cargo area, next to the luggage.”
King Edmund IV: Well I also got you a room at our finest hotel, the Supremian Crowne Hotel.
Budd: I saw that. I also saw the scribbled-out words for, “A One Way Ticket to the Imperial Supremian Penitentiary.”
King Edmund IV: Are you sure? That doesn’t sound like me.
Budd Lightbeer shuffles some things around from off-screen until he pulls out a piece of paper. He squints his eyes as he tries to make out the words through the scribbles.
Budd: Oh, and it also says, “That’s what you get for trying to make a fool out of your KING, in all caps, King Edmund the Fourth. And then I will punish you for taking the Supremian Stone and make an example out of you.” I was actually surprised you managed to write all of that on the ticket.
King Edmund pauses.
King Edmund IV: …You know, the prisons here are quite accommodating to our visitors. Our whips are soft and once you get through our Prisoner Re-education Program, you really get used to it.
Budd: Goodbye, Edmund.
King Edmund IV: THAT’S KING EDMUND TO Y-
The call ends.
King Edmund IV: -OU! …Sigh.
Yes. He actually says sigh.
King Edmund IV: You know, I need someone else to gloat about this win towards. Someone who needs to know their place about who the real leader in the world is. I think I’ll reach out to my dear refugee, Cumhersnatch. CALL HIM AT ONCE!
The television reacts and calls Jacob Friedman, the new name of Cumhersnatch, his Supremian name. For some inexplicable reason, he answers.
King Edmund IV: YOU! I AM THE VICTOR! I AM YOUR KING! SUPREMIA KNOWS GOLD ONCE MORE!
Cumhersnatch: And a good day to you too, King Edmund.
King Edmund IV: I’m about to call up the name of my enemies and tell them how I will vanquish them. How do you suggest I approach this?
Cumhersnatch: Well, to start things off, we tend to call them opponents and not enemies. You know, you aren’t going to try to actually kill them. You just want to pin them or make them tap out. Something like that.
King Edmund IV: WHAT!? We AREN’T trying to kill them?
Cumhersnatch: You’re joking, right? No, of course, you shouldn’t actually try to kill them.
King Edmund IV: Then why have I been whipping my dear Mutt!?
Cumhersnatch: I don’t know why you do anything you do. I generally assume it’s some mix between your narcissism and Napoleon Complex.
King Edmund IV: You know, I’ve watched some of the promos of the inferior wrestlers in the XHF Network and I’ve seen a lot of them insult others. Apparently, insulting people based on how they look is popular. Perhaps I can insult them based on the size of their phallus. Do you think that would be beneath me?
Jacob Friedman pauses, a bit taken aback by that question. He contemplates how to answer the question.
Cumhersnatch: You know, King Edmund, I don’t think it’s beneath you at all. In fact, I don’t think anything is beneath you.
King Edmund IV: Most good, Cumhersnatch. Most good. In that case, I’m going to look Ulysses straight in the eye and tell him, “Your phallus must be MASSIVE! It stands NO CHANCE against mine. While yours is big and blunt, mine is tiny and tenacious! Yours causes damage to women while mine leaves them virtually unharmed in any way!”
Cumhersnatch: Oh, uh…
King Edmund IV: And then I’ll go to Dana Daniels and tell him, “Hey, you plebeian! Your phallus is so massive, I can use it to travel from Supremia to England! This drastically differs from my miniature one! It is immune from damage! You could try to kick me there all day and you won’t be able to hit it! Heck, sometimes I can’t find it myself! Take that, you!”
Cumhersnatch: You know in The United States, people tend to think that those with big penises are-
King Edmund IV: PENIS!? Why would you use that sort of language!? Are you an IMBECILE!?
Cumhersnatch: Look, in The United States and basically anywhere outside of Supremia, penis doesn’t mean that. Actually… You know what? Nevermind. Do you have anything else you want to tell your opponents or are you just going to call to them all about your undetectably small phallus?
King Edmund IV: What else would I need to tell them?
Cumhersnatch: People usually talk about how strong they are or how weak their opponents are. They usually talk about the trials and tribulations that they go through when preparing for their matches.
King Edmund IV: …AND?!
Cumhersnatch: OK, so let’s just get this straight. So right when you get off the phone with me, you’re going to call up Dana Daniels and Ulysses and tell them how big their phalluses are.
King Edmund IV: EXACTLY!
Cumhersnatch: You know, I think this is a brilliant idea. You know, what would really make them scared is if you make a face at them. The crazier the face, the more that they’re going to feel insignificant with their… gargantuan phallus.
King Edmund IV: OK. So I’ll tell them that while making… THIS FACE!
Cumhersnatch: …Perfect. Go get’em, King Edmund.
Jacob Friedman ends the call. With a quick chuckle, he shakes his head.
Cumhersnatch: After all I put up with, I’m just going to let myself have this one. I just wish I could see that idiot when it all blows up in his face.
The scene cuts to King Edmund, who menacingly rubs his hands together.
King Edmund IV: Oh, King Edmund The Fourth. Let’s make history and make our enemies look like the FOOLS they are!
King Edmund IV looks back up at the monitor.
King Edmund IV: COMPUTER - CALL DANA DANIELS AND ULYSSES!
The cuts to black.
