You Might Not Like It...But Accept It! (Supremacy X*Crown)
Jan 22, 2024 22:49:43 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 7 more like this
Post by Kilroy on Jan 22, 2024 22:49:43 GMT -5
{The shot opens on a big XHF Supremacy banner and...silence. Well, there's a distant buzzing noise, but that'll get covered with room tone later. Suddenly the sound of a door bursting open is heard.}
?: Sorry, sorry!
{Into the shot runs in a stout/heavyset bearded man with a piece of toast in his mouth and the X*Crown title in his hand. He steps in front of the camera and slings the championship over his left shoulder. His brown hair is buzzed extremely short and his beard is grown out but surprisingly well-kempt. He has on jeans, sneakers, and a custom red t-shirt. On the shirt is "Hardkore World" in style of the Lethal Company logo. He looks into the camera with an apologetic expression as he finishes the toast. He is your X*Crown Champion, Kilroy Evans!}
Kilroy Evans: Totally my bad, I apparently showed up to the wrong place? I thought it was right, but I dunno. Anyway, it is I, your Ha---
{Kilroy glances at the belt on his shoulder.}
Kilroy Evans: Wait, hold on a sec.
{He turns around to see the XHF banner before turning slowly back to the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: Huh. But then...
{Kilroy looks to his left and the show cuts to a side view to show him making eye contact with another version of himself in a similar clothing (but with a weird videogame reference t-shirt) and camera setup, except the banner he's in front of and the championship are Hardkore World branded. They briefly nod to each other and the shot cuts back as Kilroy looks confused and nauseous back into the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: Ugh...wait.
{Kilroy takes out his phone and checks something. He nods in understanding and looks confidently into the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: Right! Now where was I? Yes, you probably have questions about the events that led to me having...
{Kilroy slaps the front of the title with his right hand.}
Kilroy Evans: ...this! Well the answer to that is, you should be watching Hardkore World. But if you want to be lazy, just watch the San Diego show. I'll wait. {sing-song voice} It has muppets...
{Kilroy looks around and then back to the camera, smiling.}
Kilroy Evans: While you do that, I'm gonna go get us a different place to talk. I'm getting the weirdest feeling I've been here before.
{Kilroy walks out of shot and it cuts to an old school wrestling game style loading screen, with a photo of Kilroy laying down in the middle of a blood drenched ring, moving his arms and legs like you would to make snow angels. The bar fills up, and hangs there because it turns out those loading bars didn't really show how close something was to being done. It was just there to let you know the console/PC hadn't frozen while getting things ready. Speaking of, the shot finally cuts to Kilroy sitting at a desk with a laptop on it in a white, empty space. His shirt now has a drawing of Cthulu's head with googly eyes over the regular ones and the caption "NO TALK, I ANGY." The X*Crown is propped up on the desk surface.}
Kilroy Evans: Sorry to interrupt, I just realized I needed to look into what I'm dealing with at this Supremacy show.
{The camera moves behind Kilroy to show him clicking through a site that claims to be the official XHF webpage. Why it looks like it's straight out of Geocities is a mystery. If you're confused, image search "Geocities" and either feel a blast of nostalgia or confusion. The shot cuts back to a front view of the desk as Kilroy clicks on another link and starts reading.}
Kilroy Evans: Here we go...whoa, there's gonna be NINE of us?! What kind of match could they be doing to contain that kind of mad fun?
{Kilroy looks up at the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: He said, before scrolling down. {looks back at the monitor} Scroll scroll scroll...
{Kilroy does so and reads further.}
Kilroy Evans: Annihilation Complex? I would like more details, yes!
{Kilroy clicks the link and the shot cuts to multiple videos of the Annihilation Complex in full use, interspersed with 3D graphic images of the entire setup rotating around rapidly. It is incredibly overproduced and set to hard-hitting synthwave for no real thematic reason other than it's fun. It's incredible and you love it. After about a minute of video, it ends and cuts back to Kilroy and his reaction. A picture is said to be worth a thousand words, so let's save some typing and leave this here.}
{Kilroy has, in fact, gotten so excited by the prospect of fighting in the Annihilation Complex, that he's nearly lapsed into a bliss-fueled catatonic state. The foam is incidental. Kilroy eventually falls over but, instead of backwards into the chair, he collapses sideways onto the ground. The camera continues recording for a few seconds until the shot cuts to black, followed by text appearing on screen.}
HE LIVED.
BRACE YOURSELF.
{The shot cuts to Kilroy standing by a projector screen/dry erase board. On a nearby table sits both the Hardkore World Championship and the X*Crown. They're flanked by a small ARM815H1 MK.69 plushie and a soda in a "I <3 Captain Stabby" can koozie. Yeah, that's how it's really spelled. Kilroy is dressed the same, but has a new shirt on. This one features Chthulu dressed like Wrestlemania VI Randy Savage with the caption "The Macho Thing Cthulhu R'lyeh." Nyarlathotep is beside him, dressed like Queen Sherri. Kilroy stares into the camera with a big toothy smile and a manic look on his face.}
Kilroy Evans: Somebody REALLY buried the lede on this one! Everybody in this match is going to be fighting in...this!
{Kilroy hits a button on the remote he's holding and a picture of the Annihilation Complex appears on the screen.}
Kilroy Evans: Where has this been all my career?!
{Kilroy dramatically sweeps his arms toward the picture on the screen.}
Kilroy Evans: Look at this! This is extremely my shit! Somebody built the McDonald's Play Place of my wildest dreams and nobody ever thought to tell me?! What?!
{As he shouts, Kilroy presses buttons on the remote and the picture briefly changes to cartoonified XHF logo with arms and legs standing over the slogan "I'M FIGHTIN' IT!" The image changes back to the Annihilation Complex, but now the entire ringside area is a ball pit with the usual ringside weapons sticking out of it.}
Kilroy Evans: It's taking all my energy not to break out into Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams" right now. Like, the guitar keeps repeating in my head and I can only resist for so long!
{Kilroy clears his throat and the picture on screen changes to one that includes pinatas hanging from the rooftops of the Complex.}
Kilroy Evans: Look at this thing. This thing is magical. It feels like we're gonna get done in there, sit down for a pizza party afterward, and then get handed a whole roll of tokens to go nuts in the arcade with! I thought it was January, why does it feel like Christmas all over again?! I know I'm not dreaming, because none of my opponents are a bear. Well one's kinda close, but it's not the same. So this could be me stuck in a coma dream.
{Kilroy throws his hands up dismissively and the AC image changes to add a "PARTY TIME!" banner over the entrance.}
Kilroy Evans: Doesn't matter! I...
{Another button press and the image updates to a having a giant cake and ice cream bar near the entrance ramp.}
Kilroy Evans: ...WILL...
{Balloons all over the place now.}
Kilroy Evans: ...TAKE IT!
{Confetti is now constantly flowing down from the rafters in the picture.}
Kilroy Evans: I know it seems ridiculous, but this is just how the chance to wrestle in such a wonderful idea makes me feel! Not only that, but I get to share that fun with eight other people. It's going to be unbridled violence and chaos that we'll all be lucky to escape from without lasting, chronic consequences. You know, like I said.
{Kilroy's smile somehow gets bigger.}
Kilroy Evans: Fun. And you can try to stop me all you want, but that whole thing could be on fire and I wouldn't care.
{The image changes to an Annihilation Complex engulfed in flames. There's a crudely drawn Phillip Blauer in the corner whose hair and mustache is on fire.}
Kilroy Evans: I know that I'm a relatively new face. I mean we're a big beautiful coalition of wrestling and I tend to be a bit of a homebody and stick around Hardkore World. But...I went and did a bit of title collecting and now I have to stand in front of you all as...the champ. Now anyone who knows me, knows I don't define myself by titles. I don't need one in my life to feel fulfilled by wrestling. But when I do get ahold of one, my favorite game begins: how long can I keep it away from everybody else?
{The images switches to text that reads "IT'S BASICALLY CALVINBALL WITH MORE BLOOD."}
Kilroy Evans: It'll be like one of those corporate retreat ice breaker games crossed with a Saw movie. I'll get to learn more about more of my coworkers while you'll get to learn more about your new champion! And learn you shall! While you are stuck in that beautiful place with me, you will learn what it means when I do that voodoo that I do so well! Pray to what you need to and believe what you must, but bein' in the ring with me can and will be a life altering experience.
{Kilroy points to his face.}
Kilroy Evans: Because the only thing behind these eyes when I am put in a ring, is wrestling. Whatever form it takes, however it has to happen, that's what I'll do and the person I'll be to deliver the absolute best work I can give! I will step into that match and share with you all the depth and being of what it means to be in a match with me. I will carve it into your psyche---and your skin---forever. And that'll be with you longer than a title ever will!
{The image on screen switches to an arrow pointing down to where the X*Crown is sitting on the table. Text under the arrow reads: "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST TAKE IT"}
Kilroy Evans: Good luck to you all! I mean that from the bottom of my heart with every fiber of my being. 'Cause you're coming into the Annihilation Complex to wrestle me. And in order to do that, you've gotta get within arm's reach of me! You don't want that! I'm within arm's reach of me and some scary shit happens in that zone! It's crazy! I am a man that Death forgot and that means, for as long as I'm able to hold onto the X*Crown, I'm your problem now!
{The outro music for the Brady Bunch plays as the camera zooms in to a bust shot of Kilroy, which then zooms out to show him in the middle space of a nine square grid, surrounded by similar shots of all the other competitors. Kilroy looks around at all the other squares as the shot fades out.}
?: Sorry, sorry!
{Into the shot runs in a stout/heavyset bearded man with a piece of toast in his mouth and the X*Crown title in his hand. He steps in front of the camera and slings the championship over his left shoulder. His brown hair is buzzed extremely short and his beard is grown out but surprisingly well-kempt. He has on jeans, sneakers, and a custom red t-shirt. On the shirt is "Hardkore World" in style of the Lethal Company logo. He looks into the camera with an apologetic expression as he finishes the toast. He is your X*Crown Champion, Kilroy Evans!}
Kilroy Evans: Totally my bad, I apparently showed up to the wrong place? I thought it was right, but I dunno. Anyway, it is I, your Ha---
{Kilroy glances at the belt on his shoulder.}
Kilroy Evans: Wait, hold on a sec.
{He turns around to see the XHF banner before turning slowly back to the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: Huh. But then...
{Kilroy looks to his left and the show cuts to a side view to show him making eye contact with another version of himself in a similar clothing (but with a weird videogame reference t-shirt) and camera setup, except the banner he's in front of and the championship are Hardkore World branded. They briefly nod to each other and the shot cuts back as Kilroy looks confused and nauseous back into the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: Ugh...wait.
{Kilroy takes out his phone and checks something. He nods in understanding and looks confidently into the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: Right! Now where was I? Yes, you probably have questions about the events that led to me having...
{Kilroy slaps the front of the title with his right hand.}
Kilroy Evans: ...this! Well the answer to that is, you should be watching Hardkore World. But if you want to be lazy, just watch the San Diego show. I'll wait. {sing-song voice} It has muppets...
{Kilroy looks around and then back to the camera, smiling.}
Kilroy Evans: While you do that, I'm gonna go get us a different place to talk. I'm getting the weirdest feeling I've been here before.
{Kilroy walks out of shot and it cuts to an old school wrestling game style loading screen, with a photo of Kilroy laying down in the middle of a blood drenched ring, moving his arms and legs like you would to make snow angels. The bar fills up, and hangs there because it turns out those loading bars didn't really show how close something was to being done. It was just there to let you know the console/PC hadn't frozen while getting things ready. Speaking of, the shot finally cuts to Kilroy sitting at a desk with a laptop on it in a white, empty space. His shirt now has a drawing of Cthulu's head with googly eyes over the regular ones and the caption "NO TALK, I ANGY." The X*Crown is propped up on the desk surface.}
Kilroy Evans: Sorry to interrupt, I just realized I needed to look into what I'm dealing with at this Supremacy show.
{The camera moves behind Kilroy to show him clicking through a site that claims to be the official XHF webpage. Why it looks like it's straight out of Geocities is a mystery. If you're confused, image search "Geocities" and either feel a blast of nostalgia or confusion. The shot cuts back to a front view of the desk as Kilroy clicks on another link and starts reading.}
Kilroy Evans: Here we go...whoa, there's gonna be NINE of us?! What kind of match could they be doing to contain that kind of mad fun?
{Kilroy looks up at the camera.}
Kilroy Evans: He said, before scrolling down. {looks back at the monitor} Scroll scroll scroll...
{Kilroy does so and reads further.}
Kilroy Evans: Annihilation Complex? I would like more details, yes!
{Kilroy clicks the link and the shot cuts to multiple videos of the Annihilation Complex in full use, interspersed with 3D graphic images of the entire setup rotating around rapidly. It is incredibly overproduced and set to hard-hitting synthwave for no real thematic reason other than it's fun. It's incredible and you love it. After about a minute of video, it ends and cuts back to Kilroy and his reaction. A picture is said to be worth a thousand words, so let's save some typing and leave this here.}
{Kilroy has, in fact, gotten so excited by the prospect of fighting in the Annihilation Complex, that he's nearly lapsed into a bliss-fueled catatonic state. The foam is incidental. Kilroy eventually falls over but, instead of backwards into the chair, he collapses sideways onto the ground. The camera continues recording for a few seconds until the shot cuts to black, followed by text appearing on screen.}
HE LIVED.
BRACE YOURSELF.
{The shot cuts to Kilroy standing by a projector screen/dry erase board. On a nearby table sits both the Hardkore World Championship and the X*Crown. They're flanked by a small ARM815H1 MK.69 plushie and a soda in a "I <3 Captain Stabby" can koozie. Yeah, that's how it's really spelled. Kilroy is dressed the same, but has a new shirt on. This one features Chthulu dressed like Wrestlemania VI Randy Savage with the caption "The Macho Thing Cthulhu R'lyeh." Nyarlathotep is beside him, dressed like Queen Sherri. Kilroy stares into the camera with a big toothy smile and a manic look on his face.}
Kilroy Evans: Somebody REALLY buried the lede on this one! Everybody in this match is going to be fighting in...this!
{Kilroy hits a button on the remote he's holding and a picture of the Annihilation Complex appears on the screen.}
Kilroy Evans: Where has this been all my career?!
{Kilroy dramatically sweeps his arms toward the picture on the screen.}
Kilroy Evans: Look at this! This is extremely my shit! Somebody built the McDonald's Play Place of my wildest dreams and nobody ever thought to tell me?! What?!
{As he shouts, Kilroy presses buttons on the remote and the picture briefly changes to cartoonified XHF logo with arms and legs standing over the slogan "I'M FIGHTIN' IT!" The image changes back to the Annihilation Complex, but now the entire ringside area is a ball pit with the usual ringside weapons sticking out of it.}
Kilroy Evans: It's taking all my energy not to break out into Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams" right now. Like, the guitar keeps repeating in my head and I can only resist for so long!
{Kilroy clears his throat and the picture on screen changes to one that includes pinatas hanging from the rooftops of the Complex.}
Kilroy Evans: Look at this thing. This thing is magical. It feels like we're gonna get done in there, sit down for a pizza party afterward, and then get handed a whole roll of tokens to go nuts in the arcade with! I thought it was January, why does it feel like Christmas all over again?! I know I'm not dreaming, because none of my opponents are a bear. Well one's kinda close, but it's not the same. So this could be me stuck in a coma dream.
{Kilroy throws his hands up dismissively and the AC image changes to add a "PARTY TIME!" banner over the entrance.}
Kilroy Evans: Doesn't matter! I...
{Another button press and the image updates to a having a giant cake and ice cream bar near the entrance ramp.}
Kilroy Evans: ...WILL...
{Balloons all over the place now.}
Kilroy Evans: ...TAKE IT!
{Confetti is now constantly flowing down from the rafters in the picture.}
Kilroy Evans: I know it seems ridiculous, but this is just how the chance to wrestle in such a wonderful idea makes me feel! Not only that, but I get to share that fun with eight other people. It's going to be unbridled violence and chaos that we'll all be lucky to escape from without lasting, chronic consequences. You know, like I said.
{Kilroy's smile somehow gets bigger.}
Kilroy Evans: Fun. And you can try to stop me all you want, but that whole thing could be on fire and I wouldn't care.
{The image changes to an Annihilation Complex engulfed in flames. There's a crudely drawn Phillip Blauer in the corner whose hair and mustache is on fire.}
Kilroy Evans: I know that I'm a relatively new face. I mean we're a big beautiful coalition of wrestling and I tend to be a bit of a homebody and stick around Hardkore World. But...I went and did a bit of title collecting and now I have to stand in front of you all as...the champ. Now anyone who knows me, knows I don't define myself by titles. I don't need one in my life to feel fulfilled by wrestling. But when I do get ahold of one, my favorite game begins: how long can I keep it away from everybody else?
{The images switches to text that reads "IT'S BASICALLY CALVINBALL WITH MORE BLOOD."}
Kilroy Evans: It'll be like one of those corporate retreat ice breaker games crossed with a Saw movie. I'll get to learn more about more of my coworkers while you'll get to learn more about your new champion! And learn you shall! While you are stuck in that beautiful place with me, you will learn what it means when I do that voodoo that I do so well! Pray to what you need to and believe what you must, but bein' in the ring with me can and will be a life altering experience.
{Kilroy points to his face.}
Kilroy Evans: Because the only thing behind these eyes when I am put in a ring, is wrestling. Whatever form it takes, however it has to happen, that's what I'll do and the person I'll be to deliver the absolute best work I can give! I will step into that match and share with you all the depth and being of what it means to be in a match with me. I will carve it into your psyche---and your skin---forever. And that'll be with you longer than a title ever will!
{The image on screen switches to an arrow pointing down to where the X*Crown is sitting on the table. Text under the arrow reads: "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST TAKE IT"}
Kilroy Evans: Good luck to you all! I mean that from the bottom of my heart with every fiber of my being. 'Cause you're coming into the Annihilation Complex to wrestle me. And in order to do that, you've gotta get within arm's reach of me! You don't want that! I'm within arm's reach of me and some scary shit happens in that zone! It's crazy! I am a man that Death forgot and that means, for as long as I'm able to hold onto the X*Crown, I'm your problem now!
{The outro music for the Brady Bunch plays as the camera zooms in to a bust shot of Kilroy, which then zooms out to show him in the middle space of a nine square grid, surrounded by similar shots of all the other competitors. Kilroy looks around at all the other squares as the shot fades out.}