Mistress Discipline Spills the Tea

[h2f]

Memaw: I want you to know I support you winning the X*Crown. Anything I can do, anything at all, to see CAR at the top of the XHF List, even for a month or three, let me know.

The CAR matriarch holds court around an antique table within an eclectic room. She places the Sweet Tea pitcher in front of Mistress Discipline and her manager Dr. Chaos.

Mistress Discipline: Thank you for having us for tea. You know I intend to do my best in that ring.

She carefully raises the ornate teacup filled with southern sweet tea. Out a nearby window, a pair of bear furries walk down the wooded path.

Memaw: And if that ain’t good enough, what back up plan do you have for securing victory?

The Furries freeze, they paws, as if hearing something concerning. A roomba breaks from the bushes with a knife duct taped to the top.

Mistress Discipline: What?

Mistress looks at Doctor Chaos and ignores the window scene where two furries panic and climb a tree to escape the roomba.

Doctor Chaos: Memaw, they won’t let cars in the ring.

Memaw: Horse manure. You’re telling me Mongo lets all these robots into the ring but when I try to add something, I’m denied? A damn sexbot will kink shame the whole lot of them but I can’t add a punching punch buggy?

Doctor Chaos: Exactly.

Memaw: Well that is it. What if we just bring in your Captain Stabby? That thing has been a great training tool for Britney. Not to mention the merchandise. Have you SEEN these adorable koozies?

The Furries are losing their grip on the tree as Captain Stabby circles below.

Mistress Discipline: This is NOT about everyone else. This is not about CAR.

Memaw: The hell it isn’t.

Mistress Discipline: I am the one entering that ring. It will be me. This is about me.

Mistress slams her hand upon the table so loudly that it seems to startle Captain Stabby. One of the bears drops and runs off. The other, a cinnamon color, continues to hang on.

Memaw: And why can’t your husband support you with his car? Running them over to soften them up a little before the match. They have to enter the area from the parking lot sometime.

Mistress Discipline: Because he has morals?

The old lady recoils as the remaining bear pulls herself into the tree proper.

Memaw: You’ll need to work on that. How can you be with a man who isn’t willing to do ANYTHING for you? He’s got connections, DT should cheat for you to win. What kind of husband doesn’t cheat a little?

Mistress risks diabetes with a sip of the cold tea.

Mistress Discipline: He will not, he cannot. I must earn this the same as he earned his.

Chaos leans into her friend.

Doctor Chaos: By waiting for the opportune time to sneak in and end them?

Mistress Discipline: By doing my best and having it be better than everyone else.

They both look at Mistress oddly.

Memaw: Oh, bless your heart. You think this is about your talent.

Mistress balks.

Mistress Discipline: Of course this match is about my talent. The whole thing is a competition of talent, and skill… and ability. My dexterity and endurance.

The brown bear sits comfortably in the tree as Captain Stabby continues to circle.

Memaw: No dear. This has more to do with luck. Have you seen Brittney in the ring? You think I would have put her against a real bear if I thought she would actually have to fight one? The whole thing is cheese-able. We just have to find out how. Who’s in that ring?

Mistress Discipline: I am. That will be all that matters.

The other two snort.

Doctor Chaos: That osmosis god guy.

Mistress Discipline: Ozymandias.

Memaw: I’ve seen him once. He works on the Hype train and looks like the kind of guy to think the goth is a lady. Even after the goth walked right up to him and asked him where the nearest urinal was.

Doctor Chaos: Is that an insult to him or the goth?

Memaw: Him for sure. The goth aesthetic can be as gender fluid as any but it takes little effort to find out he’s a him. Especially with him shouting and ranting. What kind of lady would do that? My dear, you should take him out early so the audience won’t have to listen to him squeal.

Doctor Chaos: The god or the goth?

Outside the window, the bear has found some pinecones and is throwing them at the roomba.

Mistress Discipline: He is not a god.

A pinecone bounces off the knife.

Memaw: He is a goth. One you should take out early. Don’t let him build up momentum. Cut him to the quick.

The roomba stabs the next pinecone as it falls. It’s stuck on the knife. Another bounces off the first.

Mistress Discipline: I think I know how to bring a man to his knees. This is something I have been doing for years. The question on the order, however… I disagree with you.

Memaw: Disagreeing with me is a terrible idea. Look, some of these… wrestlers are … have their strengths. But I know you’ve done your homework. Andrej sounds like the kind of man who would tell you he’s never peed in the shower, and I’d believe him. Because such a convenience would never have occurred to him.

The roomba circles, trying to clean up the pinecones. More fall.

Mistress Discipline: I refuse to discount my opponent’s intelligence. He is strong and that does not always mean poor intelligence.

Memaw: There’s a different type of intelligence that I’m talking about here. This man lacks the Kanyon style of intelligence and all the love in his heart knows, it ain’t book smarts either of them own.

The bear has run out of pine cones.

Mistress Discipline: This is not a reading competition. It hardly matters. Look at Son Goku.

Doctor Chaos: Wait. Original or abridged?

Mistress shakes her head at Chaos. Dr. Chaos takes a loud sip of her tea. Memaw glares at her.

Mistress Discipline: My point is, understanding fighting is a skill. One I have worked on and am ready for.

Memaw takes a quiet sip of her own tea.

Memaw: I understand but if you have to throw the match, don’t. Think of what we can do with the belt! A CAR show next month with a live match between husband and wife! A cheese filled jr belt match! A race with fondue!

Mistress holds her tea cup in both hands.

Mistress Discipline: I refuse to count my matches until they happen. Kilroy bested Cross. And Cross defeated Fox. Fox beat Death Trap. Therefore, Kilroy defeated Death Trap. This is the match I want. To show…

Chaos reaches over and places her hand on Mistress’s hand.

Doctor Chaos: To show him.

Mistress Discipline: To show me. You forget. This match is about me. It remains about what I can do. This will never be about some random math problem.

The bear drops from the trees and makes a mad dash for the house.

Doctor Chaos: Seriously, how could anyone think math would solve a wrestling match.

Memaw: I dunno. Subtract a few wrestlers and CAR will be at the top- I mean, our girl will hold that belt.

Mistress Discipline: My. Match. ME.

The bear, horribly out of breath, dashes into the room and holds up a finger.

Bear: Question.