Post by Rage and Cage on Feb 5, 2024 20:55:08 GMT -5
Nicholas Honest Cage runs the High Rollers gym. Bobbing and weaving through the most expensive machinery on the planet, Cage is clearly panicked. At least he’s getting some cardio in.
Cage: Shit, shit, dammit! We are so fucking late!
Cage rushes around the palatial facilities until he reaches his twin brother, “Woke” Wesley Rage. Rage appears to be doing a circuit of exercises that belong on American Ninja Warrior.
Cage: BROOOOOOOOOO!
Rage: What?
Cage: We’re late!
Rage: For what?
Cage: War Games!
Rage: That’s next week!
Cage: But we aren’t ready!
Rage: IT’S.NEXT.WEEK!
Cage: You aren’t worried?
Rage: Why would I be? We’re there to take out the Glucks. What’s the one thing we’ve done all throughout our time in WUK?
Cage: Be too good to fire, but not good enough to be elite.
Rage: Seriously, fuck your lucid moments, Nic. NO! We beat the Glucks. The High Rollers Club team for War Games is a commune. We’ll do our fair share. Crane will take out the Lord Dominatrix. Reese and our surprise can handle Lady Evil and Lynx. We’re already prepared. It’s fine.
Cage: Speaking of surprise, did you hear about Jack Nicholas?
Rage looks at his “older by one minute” twin brother and shrugs his shoulders.
Cage: He was arrested at the Grammy’s last night.
Rage: Wasn’t that Killer Mike?
Cage: Nope, I’m pretty sure it was Jack. I spent a good amount of time with him on the set of “As Good As It Gets.” I’m pretty knowledgeable when it comes to my knowledge of all things Jack.
Rage: So you watched the Grammy’s last night?
Cage: Of course. I needed to support my brothers and sisters in the music bizz!
Rage: And were you high when you watched them?
Cage: Well you see, I’m never that high.
Rage: You’re high right now!
Cage: No I’m not.
Rage: I just watched you hit your vape pen.
Cage: Oh, that? That’s just my medicine, homie. I use this thing to get right, man!
Rage: Makes sense to me.
Cage: But yeah, I’m pretty fucking high right now.
Rage pauses for a minute. He looks around and then looks back at his brother.
Rage: I knew it!
Cage lets out a “stoner laugh.” He looks over at the weight bench. He bends over to pick up the bar that has a couple hundred pounds on it. He tries to lift it, but immediately grabs at his back. Not missing a beat, he stands up and looks directly in the eyes of his brother.
Cage: I’m a little sore from benching 400lbs this morning.
Rage: Gotta be your new personal best.
Cage: Right on it is. Speaking of personal best, we haven’t discussed how we’re feeling about Timmy Draven being on our team.
Rage: Wel-
Cage: I think it’s a great thing. Homeboy has thousands of acres in the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate NY. Can you imagine the amount of cannabis I could grow there?
Rage: Bro, don’t you kno-
Cage: And Timmy is in the professional wrestling hall of fame. I know he’s old-
Rage: Super old, but we don’t discriminate.
Cage: No, of course not. What I meant to say is I think there’s still enough gas in the Timmy tank to be helpful to us inside War Games.
Rage: No doubt.
Cage: Dominatrix and his cronies don’t stand a chance against the dream team of The High Rollers Club and Timmy Draven!
Rage isn’t so sure.
Rage: Do you feel good about Timmy Draven?
Cage: Of course. Mr. Crane says he’s the gold standard!
Rage: The whole “church” thing doesn’t really fit with our High Rollers Club. I mean, Draven got offended that our opponent calls himself “Lord”.
Cage: You get offended by words all the time, and it’s cool.
Rage: I’m offended by ignorance and regressive thinking! Yes, I get upset when I hear racism, fascism, sexism, able-ism, and all that hateful garbage. The world doesn’t get better when you tolerate ignorance!
Cage: Isn’t that what Draven’s doing?
Rage: WHAT?! Don’t compare me to that zealot!
Cage: I just mean. You have strict rules for society in hopes of making the world a better place.
Rage: Of course!
Cage: Draven’s doing the same thing. He just has different rules.
Rage: Bro, this is cringe.Draven and I are on the same team, but we’re not on the same team.
Cage: But you are on the same team.
Rage: And we’re not at the same time.
Cage looks at his vape pen.
Cage: I need to buy more of this.
Rage: It’s not the weed–-well, it might be. Anyway, Draven might help us in War Games, but that doesn’t mean I’m going down to the tabernacle to sing some hymns.
Cage: Yeah, it’s not a black church.
Rage: Now, I’d go to a Black church. That would be culturally enriching.
Cage: Or a Korean church. Korean Jesus looks badass!
Rage: He probably is. I prefer him to hwite Jesus.
Cage: Based. White Jesus is kind of played out.
Rage: Now that’s the real good shit, bro!
Cage: What does it mean if you get high and Jesus starts talking to you?
Rage: It means you’re too high.
Cage: Or not high enough!
Rage: Too high.
Cage: Your opinion. Anyway, what was I doing here?
Rage: You were complaining about being late.
Cage: Late for what?
Rage: War Games.
Cage: But that’s next week!
Rage: I know! I’m the one who told you!
Cage: Why did you think we’re late?
Rage: I didn’t!
Cage: Too late to take it back now!
Cage: Shit, shit, dammit! We are so fucking late!
Cage rushes around the palatial facilities until he reaches his twin brother, “Woke” Wesley Rage. Rage appears to be doing a circuit of exercises that belong on American Ninja Warrior.
Cage: BROOOOOOOOOO!
Rage: What?
Cage: We’re late!
Rage: For what?
Cage: War Games!
Rage: That’s next week!
Cage: But we aren’t ready!
Rage: IT’S.NEXT.WEEK!
Cage: You aren’t worried?
Rage: Why would I be? We’re there to take out the Glucks. What’s the one thing we’ve done all throughout our time in WUK?
Cage: Be too good to fire, but not good enough to be elite.
Rage: Seriously, fuck your lucid moments, Nic. NO! We beat the Glucks. The High Rollers Club team for War Games is a commune. We’ll do our fair share. Crane will take out the Lord Dominatrix. Reese and our surprise can handle Lady Evil and Lynx. We’re already prepared. It’s fine.
Cage: Speaking of surprise, did you hear about Jack Nicholas?
Rage looks at his “older by one minute” twin brother and shrugs his shoulders.
Cage: He was arrested at the Grammy’s last night.
Rage: Wasn’t that Killer Mike?
Cage: Nope, I’m pretty sure it was Jack. I spent a good amount of time with him on the set of “As Good As It Gets.” I’m pretty knowledgeable when it comes to my knowledge of all things Jack.
Rage: So you watched the Grammy’s last night?
Cage: Of course. I needed to support my brothers and sisters in the music bizz!
Rage: And were you high when you watched them?
Cage: Well you see, I’m never that high.
Rage: You’re high right now!
Cage: No I’m not.
Rage: I just watched you hit your vape pen.
Cage: Oh, that? That’s just my medicine, homie. I use this thing to get right, man!
Rage: Makes sense to me.
Cage: But yeah, I’m pretty fucking high right now.
Rage pauses for a minute. He looks around and then looks back at his brother.
Rage: I knew it!
Cage lets out a “stoner laugh.” He looks over at the weight bench. He bends over to pick up the bar that has a couple hundred pounds on it. He tries to lift it, but immediately grabs at his back. Not missing a beat, he stands up and looks directly in the eyes of his brother.
Cage: I’m a little sore from benching 400lbs this morning.
Rage: Gotta be your new personal best.
Cage: Right on it is. Speaking of personal best, we haven’t discussed how we’re feeling about Timmy Draven being on our team.
Rage: Wel-
Cage: I think it’s a great thing. Homeboy has thousands of acres in the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate NY. Can you imagine the amount of cannabis I could grow there?
Rage: Bro, don’t you kno-
Cage: And Timmy is in the professional wrestling hall of fame. I know he’s old-
Rage: Super old, but we don’t discriminate.
Cage: No, of course not. What I meant to say is I think there’s still enough gas in the Timmy tank to be helpful to us inside War Games.
Rage: No doubt.
Cage: Dominatrix and his cronies don’t stand a chance against the dream team of The High Rollers Club and Timmy Draven!
Rage isn’t so sure.
Rage: Do you feel good about Timmy Draven?
Cage: Of course. Mr. Crane says he’s the gold standard!
Rage: The whole “church” thing doesn’t really fit with our High Rollers Club. I mean, Draven got offended that our opponent calls himself “Lord”.
Cage: You get offended by words all the time, and it’s cool.
Rage: I’m offended by ignorance and regressive thinking! Yes, I get upset when I hear racism, fascism, sexism, able-ism, and all that hateful garbage. The world doesn’t get better when you tolerate ignorance!
Cage: Isn’t that what Draven’s doing?
Rage: WHAT?! Don’t compare me to that zealot!
Cage: I just mean. You have strict rules for society in hopes of making the world a better place.
Rage: Of course!
Cage: Draven’s doing the same thing. He just has different rules.
Rage: Bro, this is cringe.Draven and I are on the same team, but we’re not on the same team.
Cage: But you are on the same team.
Rage: And we’re not at the same time.
Cage looks at his vape pen.
Cage: I need to buy more of this.
Rage: It’s not the weed–-well, it might be. Anyway, Draven might help us in War Games, but that doesn’t mean I’m going down to the tabernacle to sing some hymns.
Cage: Yeah, it’s not a black church.
Rage: Now, I’d go to a Black church. That would be culturally enriching.
Cage: Or a Korean church. Korean Jesus looks badass!
Rage: He probably is. I prefer him to hwite Jesus.
Cage: Based. White Jesus is kind of played out.
Rage: Now that’s the real good shit, bro!
Cage: What does it mean if you get high and Jesus starts talking to you?
Rage: It means you’re too high.
Cage: Or not high enough!
Rage: Too high.
Cage: Your opinion. Anyway, what was I doing here?
Rage: You were complaining about being late.
Cage: Late for what?
Rage: War Games.
Cage: But that’s next week!
Rage: I know! I’m the one who told you!
Cage: Why did you think we’re late?
Rage: I didn’t!
Cage: Too late to take it back now!