Someday no one will march there at all.
Feb 6, 2024 1:03:59 GMT -5
Kira Izumi, edwarddubin0604, and 4 more like this
Post by Visit Neom on Feb 6, 2024 1:03:59 GMT -5
Disney HQ
Burbank California
Burbank California
Marty Donovan walks down the hall in his finest suit with a huge smile on his face. He is currently talking on his cellphone as mascot versions of Buzz Lightyear and Woody follow him.
Marty:
Marty:
Baby! Yes, everything is alright. Mickey Mouse just texted that I am going to receive The Disney Legends Award this very moment! Yes, I know it is 3 AM on the east coast. What's that? Why would they have a bonus ceremony with no public announcement? . I'm sure they told all my friends and loved ones weeks ago. What's that? How come no one told you then? Are you messing with me? I bet this is a surprise party. I’ll see you in a second, baby.
Marty hangs up the call and opens the door in front of him.
Marty hangs up the call and opens the door in front of him.
Marty:
Son of a…
Buzz fires his lazer cannon to the back of Marty’s head. The wrestler drops to the floor dead. Bob Iger enters the room as Marty scrambles to his feet.
Bob:
Buzz fires his lazer cannon to the back of Marty’s head. The wrestler drops to the floor dead. Bob Iger enters the room as Marty scrambles to his feet.
Bob:
That was just a prop, but I appreciate you keeping the Disney magic alive one last time.
Marty:
Marty:
Mr. Iger! What do you mean by one last time?
The CEO hands Marty a pink slip with a picture of Goofy on it. The paper reads “GET THE HYUCK OUT”.
Bob:
The CEO hands Marty a pink slip with a picture of Goofy on it. The paper reads “GET THE HYUCK OUT”.
Bob:
In light of the Vince McMahon allegations, I can no longer risk having you as part of the Disney family.
Marty drops to his knees devastated.
Marty:
Marty drops to his knees devastated.
Marty:
Mr.Iger, I have nothing to do with that situation. You’re confusing me with another dreamboat gaijin that Baba’s widow lusted after. That guy had a skateboard. I have nothing to hide. Hell, you can look even through my personal history as far back as…
Marty ponders for a moment.
Marty:
Marty ponders for a moment.
Marty:
...five years ago and you won’t find anything problematic.
Bob:
Bob:
I already had your entire career reviewed by The Great Mouse Private Investigator.
Marty does a massive spit take.
Bob:
Marty does a massive spit take.
Bob:
How was that possible? You weren’t even drinking anything!
Marty grabs onto Iger’s leg.
Marty:
Marty grabs onto Iger’s leg.
Marty:
MY ENTIRE CAREER! THAT STARTED BEFORE TROPIC THUNDER! PEOPLE CAN’T BE CANCELED FOR STUFF PRIOR TO SIMPLE JACK! NATALIE BURROWS IS AN UNRELIABLE, PILL POPPING NARRATOR!
Iger shakes free of Marty’s grip.
Bob:
Iger shakes free of Marty’s grip.
Bob:
You want to know what this is really about? You embarrassed me, Martin. My grandchildren were so excited when your pet dog gave us free front row seats for the Hardkore Florida show. Imagine how foolish I looked when the ticket lady explained the event was actually in Montana. That was the moment I decided to put your failed sponsorship back in the vault.
Realizing that his dreaded enemy / Florida Man’s loyal pet is the one to cost Marty his dream job, the wrestler begins to laugh like a lunatic. He lunges at Iger, but a swarm of Deathtroopers tackle Marty and drag him out of the building.
Iger:
Realizing that his dreaded enemy / Florida Man’s loyal pet is the one to cost Marty his dream job, the wrestler begins to laugh like a lunatic. He lunges at Iger, but a swarm of Deathtroopers tackle Marty and drag him out of the building.
Iger:
He took that better than Chapek.
Celebration, Florida
Nothing is on the screen. Pitch black. We hear a song in the background.
Celebration, Florida
Nothing is on the screen. Pitch black. We hear a song in the background.
A door creaks open and suddenly there is a rectangle of light on the screen. Beloved wrestling orphan Tinto stands in the doorway, gazing into an abyss.
Tinto:
I’m sorry, Mister Marty. The long haired princess lady said you can’t pout alone in the dark anymore like Cross Recoba.
The volume on the stereo goes up.
Tinto:
The volume on the stereo goes up.
Tinto:
Well could you at least put on Dua Lipa?
Marty:
Marty:
I’m honoring those poor Australians who were maimed in World War I. Have some respect. One of them could have been related to my old buddy Soutter.
Tinto:
Tinto:
I doubt that. Those trenches were pretty tight.
Marty turns the song up even louder.
Tinto:
Marty turns the song up even louder.
Tinto:
I know you’re upset about losing your championship and Disney job, Mister Marty. Could you please turn the light on for one minute? I have the most exciting wrestling news that is going to change your life for the better.
After a beat, Marty turns on a lamp, casting him in a ghoulish light. His hair is a mess and he still wears the disheveled suit from the other day. Empty beer bottles are scattered all over the table. It’s clear Marty has been crying. He looks at Tinto for the big news.
Tinto:
After a beat, Marty turns on a lamp, casting him in a ghoulish light. His hair is a mess and he still wears the disheveled suit from the other day. Empty beer bottles are scattered all over the table. It’s clear Marty has been crying. He looks at Tinto for the big news.
Tinto:
On the next W:UK show, you get to team with Psychotic Goth!
The lamp is immediately turned off.
Tinto:
The lamp is immediately turned off.
Tinto:
It gets even better! This is a War Games match! Your bestest friend Florida Man will be there! You’ll need his help to fend off the likes of Kira, Darlene Prince and Captain Righteous.
Marty:
Marty:
I don’t have the slightest idea who any of those people are. You know why, Tinto?
Tinto shakes his head.
Marty:
Tinto shakes his head.
Marty:
Because I spent the last five years learning which of the fucking eels is named Jetsam.
Tinto:
Tinto:
Oh.
Marty:
Marty:
I know which weasel is called Greasy. I know which park has the best french onion soup. I even know what the little insignia on Walt’s tie stood for.
Tinto:
Tinto:
Union busting?
Marty:
Marty:
Without Disney…I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Tinto:
Tinto:
Snap out of it! Silly costumes and sponsorships don’t matter, Mister Marty. I know exactly who you are. You’re the greatest wrestler in Hardkore World history after Syberus, Kilroy Evans, Rated X and Cobryn. You might be behind Andrew Karnage too, it’s a photo finish. Still, a top 5 or 6 wrestler shouldn’t be crying in his basement listening to The Wiggles. You should be kicking Brendan Harding’s ass! He was mad that you said mean things about his dead husband!
Marty:
Marty:
Only after they said mean things about my living girlfriend!
Tinto:
Tinto:
Exactly! Let that flawed logic motivate you to win the war games match and prove Disney wrong!
Marty:
Marty:
Thanks, kid. Time to go train.
Motivated, Marty stands and turns on the lights. Every inch of the room is decorated with memorabilia of Chip from Beauty & The Beast.
Marty:
Motivated, Marty stands and turns on the lights. Every inch of the room is decorated with memorabilia of Chip from Beauty & The Beast.
Marty:
Maybe I should redecorate first…