..::The XHF Network Proudly Presents: SUPREMACY 2024::..
Feb 10, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Kira Izumi, and 4 more like this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Feb 10, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5
*The scene opens up on the black and white image of the XHF HQ Arena in Minneapolis. We pan around the arena as the fans stand at attention. The mood is somber and the arena is far more silent than it would usually be for such a huge event. We pan past the announce table where we see Joey Hawke and Randy Angel standing as well. As we pass by the ring, we see the easels. On each is a picture of one of the dearly departed. Vodka Fizz … Jayson Matthews … Johnny Rotten … Cliff Clinton? … Tommy Strychnine … and Steve Awesome. Flowers and memorials adorn each of the easels. We pan to the ramp and see members of the XHF locker room standing on the stage and ramp, ignoring the looming structure of the Annihilation Complex overhead … focused intently on the ring. There are tears in some of their eyes. Others just lower their heads. As the first bell rings out of the ten bell salute, the Xtremetron lights up and shows highlights of the careers of the men memorialized in the ring. As the tenth bell rings out the highlight video ends on a spliced image of Strychnine raising his arms in glory holding the AWF United States Championship over his head. And back to back with him is Steve in his slo-mo pose on the ramp, holding the XHF X*Crown championship over his head.*
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen it is a sad day here in the XHF, as the men you see in the ring, memorialized, are no longer with us. XHF Network champions, major attractions, up and comers … and an XHF Legend. We hope you will join us in remembering the fine competitors and the minds behind them here tonight before we get started.
Randy: And be sure to check out the tape delayed J-RoK show on the XHF Network with the final match of XHF Legend Steve Awesome.
*Randy pours one out for Steve Awesome. The Xtremetron shifts to a Rest In Peace graphic as the black and white picture fades out to bring us to the intro to the XHF’s calendar reset … January’s big 4 event … Supremacy.*
The XHF Network Proudly Presents: SUPREMACY 2024
January 28, 2024
XHF Network Arena @ XHF Headquarters, Minneapolis, MN
Capacity: 35,000
As “Living the Dream” by Five Finger Death Punch hits the arena, we see the crowd has begun to come back to life after the somber opening of the show. We tour around the crowd and see signs such as, “Shitshow is the shit!”, “Rizz for Fizz”, “I’m going Cliff Diving!”, “BANANARAMA!”, and “GNR has nothing on Strych!”. As we bounce to another section we find an entire section of fans dressed as the Tapout superstar Tommy Strychnine with a sign labeling them as “Tommyknockers Club”. As we bounce to the opposite side of the arena we see an entire section wearing neon green and wearing various costumes of Steve Awesome in his movies. The entire section is labeled, “Awesome BANG Bros!” As the song continues, pyro goes off signaling the opening of the show proper and we hard cut back to the announce table where we find Joey Hawke and Randy Angel seated. Joey looks over his papers for the show as Randy downs an entire bottle of Bastard Brew.
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an action packed show for you tonight. Four titles on the line, six matches, all insanity.
Randy: And in the main event? The ANNIHILATION COMPLEX! Will Kilroy walk out with his newly won X*Crown intact?
Hawke: Or can one of the eight other challengers take it from him? Two women, five men, and a sex robot all challenge Kilroy’s position as top of the Network.
Randy: I can’t wait, Joey. The Furminator is gonna use Sexcalibur to slay all the others. No no, President Kanyon is gonna run over them all in his wheelchair. NO NO Mistress is gonna take them all to school … or a sex dungeon … or both!
Hawke: Calm down Randy! Before we get there we have the TAPOUT Openweight championship match. A texas Death match between James “NOMAD” Sloane and current defending champ Aiden Merric.
Randy: Right right, and before THAT we have a pair of … interesting … matches for the XHF Junior Heavyweight and XHF Global Tag Titles! His Majesty King Edmund has his minions defend against the final vestiges of DTF, Dana Daniels and Ulysses Cole. And The Star Trekker defends against the Ancient Alien! Someone is going to space, Joey!
Hawke: And to open the show we have a tag match between the Empire and Hardcore Shinjuku, as well as a triple threat match taking our opening spot between Darlene Price, Yuki Sakaraba and a resurrected Donzig! Without further ado … Minneapolis! LET’S GET TO IT!
The crowd was hushed as the lights dimmed. "Untouchable" hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim, the crowd loudly cheering for the woman that is about to emerge. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd... and Eliza Dresden doesn't make them wait for long. Bounding out from behind the curtain, Dresden is quick to make her way to the top of the ramp with Jason Long's technicolor light-up shades shoved up to act like a headband of sorts--and once she's there? She thrusts the latter into the air, earning a fresh wave of cheers. Of course, since she can't be idle for long, Eli is quick to make her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd.
Hawke: This is a very special match in more ways than one. This will be a special guest referee match. With Eli Dresden reffing the match tonight.
She is wearing a striped referee’s shirt tied up to expose her midriff, and she looks at the ring before giving a shrug. She seems more subdued then normal. It's about three-fourths of the way down the ramp that she abandons that, speeding up to slide into the ring headfirst on her stomach before she twists onto her back and kips up to her feet. She's quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, shoving a fist skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she's popping back down and turning to look toward the middle of the ring. As her music fades, she hands the glasses over to a production assistant before checking the ropes with a glance at the ramp eagerly waiting for the match to get underway.
Randy: You know this match is also a tribute to two very special people that left us this past weekend. Cliff Cliffton? And Steve Awesome as you're about to see…
Bonnie Jenkins: This is a triple threat match set for one fall at no time limit! Introducing first, representing UZUMAKI, standing in at five foot two inches tall and weighing in at one hundred and ten pounds, wrestling out of J-ROK by way of Hirosaki, Aomori, Japan… one third of the J-ROK Trios Champions… The Kawaii Supernova Yuki Sakaraba!
The lights flickered again, and then ‘Shining Star’ blasted over the arena. There was a blast of pyros, and then Yuki Sakaraba came from the back. She was wearing shades, and a long black leather coat with bright neon green frills. She walked back and forth as the fans cheered, and one could see her knee pads bore a heart with the letters ‘SA’ inside of them.
Hawke: Yuki paying homage to one of her biggest rivals in J-ROK tonight. Very touching tribute to Steve Awesome by her here tonight.
She paused, and turned as she let the coat fall to reveal she was wearing tights like Steve’s. And then she headed for the ring, nodding at the fans before she slid inside. A nod to Eli, and they bumped fists before she turned towards the ramp.
Bonnie Jenkins: And her opponent representing La Familia standing at five foot eight inches tall and weighing in at one hundred and forty five pounds! Wrestling out of J-ROK by way of the wrong neck of the woods… she is J-ROKS Ambassador Of Violence Darlene Price!
The fans cheered as the Ambassador of Violence stalked from the back. She was wearing a tattered looking long black trenchcoat over a white wifebeater. Over her hair was a dirty looking long ski cap, and she tugged on the worn looking MMA gloves she wore. A pause, and she lifted a finger towards the sky with a slow nod.
Randy: Darlene Price coming back early for a special match. Paying tribute to Cliff Cliffton tonight. She had run-ins with him in SCCW. The two clearly had earned one another's respect after their brutal wars!
Then she headed for the ring, flinging off the coat before she rolled under the ropes. The hat was tossed aside, and she nodded at the other two before climbing the ropes to urge the fans to cheer. And then she leapt down, shaking her head as she looked towards the ramp.
The fans looked up, and then a hooded figure in a long battered black leather coat stepped from the entrance. Head bowed before he looked up to stare at the ring, he wore a metal mask like a stylized skull beneath the hood. And clutched in one hand was a thick leather bound book stamped with the title ‘Paradise Lost’.
Randy: Look up there! It's a bird, no wait, that's a plane? No hold on…
It was Donzig.
Hawke: No it's Donzig!
Randy: How do you know that Hawke?!
Hawke: It's simple Randy. Real simple.
Randy: Oh yeah? So how'd you know?
Hawke: I looked up.
He started down the ramp, shaking his head before he handed the book off to the ring attendant before he climbed the stairs to the ring. A look to the three from behind his mask, and then he leaned in the corner facing away from them.
Hawke: I believe that is the copy of Paradise Lost that Donzig gave to Steve when they teamed together in NPW.
Randy: Only Donzig would give his partner a poem about Satan.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponent representing Donzig-Gun wrestling out of W:UK! Standing in at six foot even and weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds. He is Donzig!
A pause, and then he shoved away before he yanked off the mask to toss it to the timekeeper.
Triple Threat Match
Special Guest Referee: Eli Dresden
Yuki Sakaraba (UZUMAKI) vs. Darlene Price (La Familia) vs. Donzig (Donzig-Gun)
Eli nodded, a hand resting on his shoulder before the three met in the midde of the ring. And she called for the bell, and Dar ran at Donzig battering away at him with hard punches and kicks. She drove him into the corner, delivering hard chops before she turned away to yell at the crowd.
Hawke: This match is off to a hot start!
Randy: Darlene taking it to Donzig! These two have plenty of history wrestling throughout J-ROKS tournaments.
They yelled back, and then Yuki grabbed Dar to hit a quick High Angle German! Dar landed in a heap, shaking her head as she started to rise before Yuki was on her, stomping away before locking on a Fujiwara Armlock! Dar grabbed for the ropes, looking for leverage as Eli asked if she wanted to tap. Yuki leaned back hard, and then she was torn away as Donzig grabbed her by the hair. He flung her at the ropes, and leveled her on the rebound before he hit the ripcord knee! Yuki dropped to the outside, and Donzig glared at her before he turned his narrowed eyes to Dar.
Hawke: Donzig took out Sakaraba. Now he's got his attention on Price!
Randy: These two were the original partners for Cliff tonight. Now facing off against each other! Donzig better be careful though.
Hawke: Why's that?
Randy: She's the most dominant wrestler in all of J-ROK! Trust me I know a thing or two about Japan Joey. And in Japan this woman here is nearly untouchable.
Hawke: Lucky for Donzig we're not in Japan!
He ran at her, delivering thunderous knees to her ribs before he dragged her upwards with a snarl. He snapped her at the ropes, and went for the spinebuster on the rebound! But Dar had it scouted, and dodged him before she hit the ropes to come off with a dropkick of her own! Donzig stumbled backwards, leaning on the ropes before Dar charged in to deliver a hard clothesline that sent him to the outside.
Randy: Donzig knocked outside and into our announce table…
Hawke: And here comes Darlene! Watch out Randy!
Dar looked back and forth, and then ran at the ropes to dive to the outside to send Donzig sprawling against the announce table. The fans cheered, and she dropped a few hard punches on his face as he started to rise. Then Dar dragged him off of the desk, and delivered a brutal looking DDT that left him sprawled across the floor. She turned, and was caught by a Tope Suicida from Yuki!
Hawke: The Shining Star out of nowhere!
All three of them down, and Eli looked at the carnage before shrugging. And she started to count, and the fans ate it up. Donzig rises first as Eli gets to ‘6’, and he tugs at his beard as he looks around wild eyed. He soon turns his gaze on the rising Yuki and drops a few heavy forearms across her back. A snarl, and then he hooks her arms to send her crashing through one of the announce tables with the Reaper’s Touch! (Deathrider DDT)
Randy: Oh no! Yuki through the Spanish Announce Table!
The fans boo, and Donzig stares at them before he grabs Dar to toss her hard into the ring stairs before he grabs the ropes to pull himself up the ringpost. Eli shakes her head, calling up to him as Donzig is not exactly known for his aerial moves. But he ignores her, staring down at Dar as she sprawls in the wreckage of the stairs. He points upwards, and then leaps off. WRATH OF THE DRAGON!
Hawke: Holy Shi-
But Dar Price sees it coming, and moves out of the way! Donzig sprawls amidst the wreckage as Eli gapes, and he struggles to rise before Dar stomps away at him before stumbling off towards the rising Yuki. Dar grabs her by the hair, and bounces her head against the barricade before she flings her at the edge of the ring. Yuki slumps against the ring, and Dar grabs her to fling her inside of the ring before crawling in after her. A quick kick to the gut, and Dar grabbed her to lift her across her shoulders. CLIFF DIVE (Razor’s Edge)!
Randy: Cliff Dive from Price! What a move!
The fans cheer, and Dar makes the cover as EIi dives for the count!
1…
…2…
……
….Dar is ripped to the outside by a limping Donzig, who angrily stomps at her back! He fumes and rips at his beard as he curses under his breath before he grabs the back of her sweats to rip her upwards. And he flings her into the barricade before he rolls inside to glare at the downed Yuki! EVERYONE’S FAVORITE SUBMISSION HOLD!
Hawke: A move Yuki knows all too well! Just not from Donzig!
The fans jeer as Donzig wrenches backwards, a knee buried in Yuki’s back as she shakes her head at Eli. The fans are going wild, and Dar runs back inside to stomp away at Donzig who breaks the hold. The place is going crazy, and Dar drops back to hit the ropes before running forward to nail the rising Scourge with the FASH STAMP! Cover!
1…
…2…
……YUKI hits a low dropkick into the face of Dar, and the pin falls apart as Eli looks on with a bemused smile! Yuki comes to her feet, and looks down at the pair before she hits the crotch chops at them. The place explodes, and then she grabs Dar to snap her at the ropes.
Randy: Yuki getting fired up!
SUPER GALACTIC COLLIDER!
Hawke: Huge lariat from Sakaraba! But look at Donzig he's changing!
Dar is down, and Yuki laughs before she turns her gaze towards the rising Donzig who is looking more and more like his old self as he spits and fumes. He takes a step forward, limping slightly before Yuki shrugs before nailing a JAW BREAKER SUPERKICK that sends him sprawling to the mat! Another pop, and Eli winces as she looks down at the battered Donzig. Yuki stalks back towards Dar, and starts paint brushing the back of her head with slaps. She yells ‘Paint the Fence!’ and then laughs at her own joke before her legs are knocked from under her by the angry Dar. Dar rolls her up, and starts drilling her with mounted punches. And the fans are going wild as Yuki tries to cover up, twisting and turning before she sprays the GALACTIC MIST! Dar staggers back, screaming in fury as she wipes at her eyes and face. Yuki is on her feet! TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Dar sprawls on the mat, and Yuki leaps to the turnbuckle!
Hawke: Great combo by Yuki and she's up high for the…
Tsuki no Hane!
Randy: What an impressive double rotation moonsault from Yuki! This might be it!
The fans groan, and Yuki makes the cover!
1…
…2…
……KICKOUT!
Yuki gapes as Eli holds up two fingers, before she rises to her feet to reach for Dar. And then her head snaps forward as Donzig drives her face across his knee. He flings her aside, and cocks his head as he rubs at his jaw before stalking after her.Not talking trash for the moment it seems! Yuki is back on her feet, and Donzig buries a boot in her stomach!EVENT HORIZON! Boos, and Donzig glares at the fans before Dar grabs Donzig to fling him at the ropes. He hits them, and comes off backwards to deliver another STUNNER! Dar drops, and Donzig looks around wild eyed before he rolls to the outside as Eli tries to reign him in. He goes under the ring, throwing a pair of tables inside before he rolls back inside. And he sits one up, snarling and spitting before he waves a hand across the top of it. Flames leap up, snapping angrily as Eli blinks in surprise before Donzig wipes a hand across his mouth before he grabs Dar by the hair. He drags her forward, and looks ready to powerbomb her through it!
Hawke: This looks like trouble!
But Yuki comes from nowhere firing another Steve Awesome style Jawbreaker kick across Dar’s back to snap into his jaw! The Scourge crashes through his own burning table, flames exploding around him before he lays smoking in the wreckage. Eli stares in surprise, and then laughs before Yuki delivers a crotch chop before turning her attention to Dar. She fires off a few stiff shots across Dar’s back, and then hits her with an AWESOME-PLEX! The fans cheer, and Yuki pauses before she climbs the turnbuckles with ill intent! This could be the end for Dar as Eli Dresden steps back, and then Yuki comes off the ropes with a Moonsault!
Hawke: Another Tsuki No Hane from Yuki Sakaraba! This could be it!
RU486!
Randy : No ones ever kicked out of the RU486!
Yuki is down, and the place is going wild as even Eli cheers at Dar who dives for the cover!
1…
…2…
……
……PARADISE LOST SLAMS ACROSS DAR’S FACE!
Randy: Donzig saves the match!
She rolls away, looking dazed as Donzig looking rather burned laughs that weird rasping laugh as he leans against the ropes! He shoves the book at Eli, and staggers to his feet before he grabs Dar by the back of the wifebeater and sweat pants to toss her outside. He staggers a bit, limping before he grabs Yuki once more. He drags her upwards, and fires her at the ropes! SPINEBUSTER! The fans boo, and he rolls her over as he locks on the PENNSYLVANIA CLOVERLEAF! The fans are furious, and he leans back hard as Eli drops to see if Yuki wants to tap. She shakes her head, and the fans are eating it up!
Hawke: Yuki in trouble but not giving up just yet!
Dar is back, and leans forward from the apron with a smile at the snarling Donzig! AND SHE BREATHES FIRE AT HIS FACE!
Randy: Darlene with the breath of fire into the crispy face of Donzig!
Donzig yells, and drops the hold as he falls backwards with a shake of his head as smoke swirls from his beard. Dar leaps to the ringpost! FROGSPLASH! The place goes wild, and Dar shoves Donzig to the outside before she points at Yuki!
Hawke: These two rivals are ready to go at it again!
Yuki motions for her to bring itl The two trading punches in the center of the ring, and the fans are going wild before Dar snaps Yuki at the ropes! Dropkick! Yuki falls across the middle rope, and Dar runs backwards to come off the other side! "From CLE with Love"! Cover!
1…
…2…
……YUKI KICKS OUT!
Dar curses as Eli holds up the two, and drags Yuki back to her feet. She delivers a few chops, and fire her at the corner as she charges after her! AWESOME-SAULT!
Randy: What an Awesome moonsault!
Dar drops, and Yuki laughs as she looks around at the wreckage before she shrugs to El. She grabs the not destroyed table, and slowly sits it up in the far corner! She turns, and gives Eli the double thumbs up before yelling ‘TABLE FOR ONE!’ Eli groans, and shakes her head before quipping ‘One more like that, and you’re out.’ The Kawaii Supernova walks across the ring, delivering a few quick knees to the rising Dar before she drags her towards the table. Then she lifts her, flinging her across her shoulders as she calls for the KAWAII DRIVER!
Randy: That's her super finish! No one kicks out of those!
Dar slips free, and delivers a hard boot to the stomach of Yuki as she turns! Then she grabs her flipping her upwards! CLIFF DIVE THROUGH THE TABLE! The Supremacy crowd is on their feet, and Dar drags Yuki from the wreckage before leaping onto the turnbuckle! A glance at the fans, and she nods before she comes off the top turnbuckle! WRATH OF THE DRAGON! COVER!
1…
…2…
……THREEEEEEE!
Bonnie Jenkins: “Your winner of this match… Darlene Price!”
Hawke: What a match!
Randy: What do you expect, this is Supremacy!
The fans boo, jeering as the Empty Hand Gavin Drake stomps towards the ring with a sneer cast at them. Behind him follows Slam 3 who laughs at the booing fans with a mocking grin, and behind them came David Slam the Second who was nodding to himself as he clapped.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following is an EXTREME RULES tag-team match and is schedules for ONE FALL! Making their way to the ring are Gavin Drake and Slam the 3rd, they are….THE EMPIRE!
Drake climbed the stairs, stepping between the ropes as he paced back and forth. And Slam Three rolled inside, leaping onto the ringpost to smirk down at the fans. He laughed, mocking them before he jumped down to lean on the ropes. Drake meanwhile was glowering up the ramp, eyes narrowed.
Hawke: You might have noticed that this was originally a trios match. Now it’s a tag match.
Randy: Yeah! But can you guess who’s not in the match now?
Hawke: I’m sure anyone who looks at the card can see the two wrestlers not in the match.
The Supremacy Crowd was on their feet as Hardcore City Shinjuku came from the back, Saito yelling at the fans to come on. He charged down the ramp, high fiving them as he leapt across the barricades as they urged him on. He nodded, smiling before he cast an angry glance at the ring with a roll of leather clad shoulders.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents…..HARDKORE CITY SHINJUKU!
Behind him came the one and only Captain Anarchy, who also greeted the fans before he stopped at the bottom of the ramp. His eyes narrowed on Drake, and he pointed at him angrily. Last and never least, walked the cloaked diminutive figure of Shinkurain Kōtaishi. He pointed at Slam the Second, and shook his head as the man protested.
Hawke: It looks like there’s no love lost between these groups!
Randy: I for one am looking forward to some axes being ground tonight!
Saito climbed inside the ring, flinging off his jacket as he stepped right up to the hulking Drake. He stared right up at him, and Anarchy tried to pull him back as Slam 3 leaned over Drake’s shoulder talking trash. Drake snorted, and stepped back as the ref tried to reign them in before calling for the bell.
Tag Team Match
Extreme Rules Match
The Empire (Gavin Drake and David Slam III) vs. Hardcore City Shinjuku (Haruku Saito and Captain Anarchy)
Drake lunged forward, and he started throwing stiff shots into Saito before he snapped him at the ropes. He leveled him on the rebound with a lariat, and Saito landed in a heap. Meanwhile Slam was battering away at Anarchy, driving him hard into the corner to choke him with his foot! The fans were booing, and Slam called to Drake before he threw Anarchy his way!
Hawke: POWERSLAM!
Randy: That shook the ring!
The fans jeered, and Anarchy rolled to the outside holding his back as Slam Three laughed from the ropes. Drake glared around angrily, and then shoved himself upwards to grab the recovering Saito by the neck. He yanked him backwards, snarling at him before he flung him at the corner! The fans booed, and the Son of the Conqueror roared at them before he charged in.
Hawke: Here comes trouble!
But Saito rolled up, and drove both feet into the face of the oncoming Drake! The big man staggered back, shaking his head before he started forward again as Saito scrambled before coming off with a Tornado DDT! The fans exploded, and Slam charged forward only to be caught with a knife edged chop from the Young Lion! He snapped another and another one, and Slam was driven backwards as his arm snapped across his chest to batter him into the corner.
Randy: Slam isn’t feeling so good after that one!
Drake was on his feet, and ran in but Saito moved out of the way! The two slammed together in the corner, and Slam sagged against the ropes before Saito was swatted aside by Drake! The fans groaned, and the Empty Hand turned!
Randy: GARBAGE CAN LID ACROSS THE HEAD FROM CAPTAIN ANARCHY!
Hawke: And this has just gotten more violent!
He staggered, and the can snapped across his back and shoulders before being bent across his head again. The fans were going wild, and he threw the lid down before he buried his boot in his stomach. NO GODS, NO MASTERS! Cover!
1…
….2….
…….KICKOUT!
The fans booed, and Anarchy cursed as he looked at the ref. Drake rolled over, and he grabbed for him only to be grabbed by Slam the Third who sent him flying with a suplex! Anarchy fell from the ring, and Slam tossed his hair back before he charged at the rising Saito to level him with a knee to the head.
Hawke: I knew this would be hard hitting, but I didn’t really expect it to go this hard!
Saito fell to the outside, and the place went wild as Slam went to the apron before he dived off with a Hurricarana! Saito sprawled, and Slam grinned as he leaned back against the apron with his arms spread mockingly to the fans. Then he bent down, and he dragged a table from under it. He flung it inside, and Drake rose to set it up as Slam grabbed Saito to drag him towards the ring.
Randy: Anything is legal in this kind of match and both teams are making use of that!
But Captain Anarchy came off the stairs with a double axe handle, and the fans cheered as Slam Three staggered backwards. Anarchy grabbed him, driving his head into the top of the barricade before he flung him across the area to send him sprawling against the barrier! And he charged off, hitting a leg drop before he came off with a roar at the fans! Then he was grabbed by the Empty Hand, and Drake snarled down at him before he flung him across his shoulders!
Hawke: REIGNMAKER!
Randy: That could break a person!
Anarchy was down in a broken heap, and Drake laughed a terrible sound as he rose. And a chair cracked across his head, and then another, and then a third! Saito flung down the chair and grabbed a cable, wrapping it around his throat as he buried a knee in his back. He yanked backwards, choking Drake as the big man clawed his way upwards before reaching back to grab for him. Saito kept ahold, and Drake sagged to his knees!
Randy: SIMBA CLUTCH! SIMBA CLUTCH!
Hawke: I think they heard you the first time.
Randy: Oh come on, every commentator does it.
Drake clawed at the mat, trying to get free as the fans were going wild as the ref asked if he wanted to tap. Slam the Second ran forward, and drove a booted foot into the face of Saito! He fell off, and all four men were down Slam the Second grinned down at Saito and then turned to look down at the impassive mask of Shinkurain Kōtaishi! He started to back up, and the small man ran at him! LOW DROPKICK! DDT ON THE CEMENT!
Hawke: Yow! That’s gonna leave a mark!
Randy: Maybe even on the cement!
The fans exploded, and Shinkurain Kōtaishi leapt to the apron as he pointed at the older Slam! He leapt off, and was caught by the rising Draake! REIGNMAKER! The fans booed, and the small man lay broken as Slam the Second gaped as Drake stared down at his fallen foe with a sick demented grin before he walked over to grab Anarchy, he flung him inside before he grabbed Slam the Third as he pointed at the ringpost!
Hawke: What is he planning?
Then he rolled inside, and grabbed the masked man once more with a fistful of beard before he threw him onto the table! Slam looked for the ASSASSIN STOMP! But went flying from the turnbuckle as a bat wrapped in barbed wire hammered across his back. He landed in a heap, and the fans exploded as Saito held the bat high! Drake stared at him, a look of blind fury on his face as to the mind of even a traitor to Donzig-gun only one person could wield such a weapon. He charged forward, aiming a boot at Saito!
Randy: Here it comes!
Hawke: Waiiiiit-
Saito rolled aside, and Drake was hung up before the bat was cracked across his head and shoulders. Blood flowed as he fell back, and Saito followed him inside before he stopped to try and light the weapon! But it wouldn’t light! Drake grabbed him hitting a thunderous German Suplex! The bat rolled free, and Drake stalked backwards before he dropped into the corner with a snarl.
Hawke: What could we see next?
Randy: For me? Hopefully double!
He motioned for Saito to rise, and Anarchy leapt onto his back to wrap his arms around his neck and throat! The fans explode, and Anarchy tightens the hold before Drake starts driving himself into the ropes with lunge after lunge before Anarchy came lose.
Hawke: URU NAGA!
Saito rose, and Drake charged! CLAYMORE! The fans groaned, and Slam Three came off the ropes with DROPPING THE DIME! COVER!
1….
2….
……THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winners…….THE EMPIRE!
Jeers as Slam the Third rose, throwing his arms in the air before Drake shook his head before he grabbed Anarchy as he rose. And he hit the Reignmaker threw the table, and it exploded into wreckage as the masked bearded man lay in a heap. Drake grinned wildly, and he rose to bump elbows with Slam the Third before he slid from the ring as Saito checked on his team mate.
Hawke: The Empire may have gotten the victory but it looks like things are quite done for this feud yet!
Randy: But it is for tonight, onto the next match!
Bonnie Jenkins: Our next match is a Space Pod Match! The wrestler who can place their opponent inside the Space Pod and... launch them into space? *ahem* LAUNCH THEM INTO SPACE will be declared the winner and XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!
Randy: This is going to be great!
Hawke: Because we've had so much success in these types of matches in the past...
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first... the challenger, standing at six feet, one inches and weighting in tonight at two hundred and eighteen pounds. He is from Deep in the Pyramids of Egypt... The Discovery+ ANCIENT ALIEN!!!
Static is heard over the house speakers. In fact, static is felt throughout the arena. Suddenly there is a whirring sound as Discovery+ Ancient Alien seems to almost glide to the ring. The theme from Ancient Aliens begins to echo around as the shill for the Warner Bros. Discovery group seems to float right to the apron. He lands there and poses before smiling and whipping around to the crowd to flash his fancy logo'd gloves. He then steps into the ring.
Randy: Now, tell me something, Joey. The Pyramids in Egypt...
Hawke: Yes?
Randy: Are said to be constructed by Aliens?
Hawke: Aliens.
Randy: But why? I mean if their technology is so advanced... why straght lines? Why triangles? I mean hell, the cavemen invted the wheel... at least it has a purpose. What do pyramids do other than scheme people out of money?
Hawke: ...
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent...
The lights go out as the 8-bit Star Trek: The Next Generation theme begins to play.
Randy: Check it out!
Hawke: Reminicent of her trip to Vegas back in November...
There is a flash of light that seems to shoot from the rafters towards the ring, with an odd, almost twinkling sound effect.
Bonnie Jenkins:From the Starfleet Headquarters, erm… Somewhere near San Francisco… She is the current XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! Paramount Plus' Very Own… STAR TREKKER!!!
The lights begin flashing and when the arena lights are finally raised, The Star Trekker is standing in the middle of the ring, holding her championship high above her head, a big smile on her face.
Hawke: If spectacular entrances win you matches, I know where I'd wager my bets.
Randy: I think the fans agree. Listen to this crowd, Joey.
The referee is handed the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, who hands it over to the time keeper. One final rundown of the rules and they exit the ring, leaving Ancient Alien and Star Trekker to look around, soaking in the moment. The ref calls for the bell.
XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Space Pod Match
The Discovery+ Ancient Alien (GUNS) vs. Paramount+'s The Star Trekker ©
DING DING!
The two Streaming Combatants circle each other, Trekker in her Starfleet jumpsuit and Ancient Alien in his Intergalactic leotard. The two of them lock-up in the center of the ring and the crowd goes wild!
But the two of them go nowhere. In fact, there is little struggle between them, they are more of less just holding each other's shoulders.
Randy: Honestly I don't even know why they are chantings GUNS. Star Trekker jumped ship a long time ago in a gala-
Hawke: They lock up! Well, not really...
They break the "hold" and each take a step back. Ancient Alien lunges forward but Star Trekker evades. He spins and quickly evades Trekker who tries for a hold this time. Each nod in approval. They both begin to turn away but immediately lunge forward to catch the other off guard, in doing so they bump heads and stumble back. Trekker looks around at how wild the crowd is. She gets lost in thought for a minute.
Ancient Alien: From Satire X? I'm familiar.
Randy: Oh my God, does she ever shut up about Star Trek? I'm not drunk enoug- I mean I'm not... yeah I'm not drunk enough to hear her drone on and on
Trekker continues talking but realizes everyone is ignoring her. Which is exactly what she wants as she has slid out of the ring and grabbed a chair. Still giving the rundown of the Star Trek plot, she slides in the ring, raising the chair.
Hawke: Oh. Uh. Ahem. Wake up. I just realized Trekker has a chair.
Randy: Huh? Oh yeah, you're right. What a smart move. Bore everyone out of their minds and take advantage of it!
Just before she swings the chair, Ancient Alien realizes Trekker is no longer talking. He turns and sees her lift the chair. She stops and shrugs but Ancient Alien slides under the bottom ropesand lifts the ring skirt.
Randy: Why did she stop? I say swing for the fences there and end the match early.
Hawke: I think with Ancient Alien catching her in the act, she figured it would be better to get the advantage another way. What is Ancient Alien doing though?
Ancient Alien comes back up holding a chair of his own. But it's wrapped in aluminum foil with green tinsel taped all over it, and green Chrismtas Lights are tied to it so it gives the entire thing an extrateresstrial hue.
Randy: Here we go. Better Technology!
Hawke: It's a chair. Just like Trekker has.
Randy: But Better! And Green!
Ancient Alien gets in the ring and almost in a panic, Trekker throws her chair at him. He knocks it down with his space chair. As Ancient Alien is distracted, Trekker goes for a roll up! But the ref just stares at her.
Randy: No pin falls genius!
Hawke: She got caught up in the moment. In a normal match, she may have stolen one there and been on her way to the back, title still in hand.
Trekker is all smiles as she gets to her feet, realizing her mistake. Ancient Alien is back up and Trekker let's him know she could have beaten him there in other conditions. He nods and holds out his hand.
Hawke: Oh wow, Ancient Alien showing some good sportsmanship here. I never would have thou-
Just as Trekker goes to shake her opponent's hand, he slips by her and goes for his own roll up!
Randy: Why?
The crowd counts two two, not like it matters, and both streaming soldiers are back to their feet. This time, it's Trekker who smiles, holding out her hand this time. Ancient Alien eyes her.
Randy: Yeah, like he's going to fall for that. He just tried that trick!
Hawke: I think she means it though. Look at her.
Ancient Alien decides the same and slolwy reaches his hand out. They clasp hands and shake.
Hawke: See?
Randy: That's nause-
Just as quick as they shake, both try for a quick Irish whip, but lower their bases as well, blocking. The result is a crouched stare down between them both, a little smirk forming in the corner of the champion's mouth. She stands and shoves away, trying to whip Ancient across the ring, but again he holds his ground. He yanks his arm away much to Trek's chagrin.
Hawke: Listen to the crowd, they are eating this up.
Randy: But why? I mean they aren't even doing anything. Oh, come on? What is she doing? Again?
Star Trekker again holds her hand out, and Ancient Alien shakes his head. She plays to the crowd, trying to get them behind it. Starting a chant.
Randy: You have to admit, at the end of the day they are all on the same team. Streaming IS better than cable. I mean, that's what the fine viewers of the XHF Network are doing this very moment! At least I hope they are, or else who the hell is going to pay us?
Ancient Alien smiles and nods his head along with the chant in agreement, holding out his hand. Trekker grabs is and tries to pull him in, but again it goes nowhere. Instead, she quickly steps in towards him, spinning behind and grabbing a waist lock. Ancient Alien spins through reversing it, and pushes Trekker towards the ropes. She holds on to the top, and Ancient Alien flips back by himself. He pops back up in time to get lightly clipped by a kick as Trekker cartwheels by. It stuns him enough to allow her to pop up.
Hawke: Trekker again tries to outsmart Ancient Alien.
Randy: Yeah but come on... Aliens. They are much smarter than us.
Hawke: Nevertheless, Trekker kind of lands that cartwheeling kick and she's back up, looking to keep the pressure on Ancient Alien.
Trekker grabs a side headlock, but Ancient Alien lowers his body for leverage, before shoving Trekker off him and into the ropes. She rebounds quickly with a shoulder block knocking the Discovery rep down. Trekker runs the ropes, hops over Alien's body, hitting the ropes again. Ancient Alien jumps back to his knees and sweeps her legs. He stares out to the Pod.
Hawke: He'll have to find a way to get her into the pod to win this championship.
Randy: Then what? Launch her to outspace?
Hawke: Well, I'm being told that's the goal...
As Ancient goes to stand, Treker kips up and kicks his legs out from under him. He hits the ground. She motions for the ref to open the pod and tries to shove him towards the bottom rope.
Hawke: Bold move to try to end it on a move like that...
Ancient rolls over, and kips up but Treker has rolled off and she kips up at the same time. The crowd cheers for both of them. Ancient gets in Trekkers face.
Ancient Alien:WARNER BROTHERS DISCOVERY IS BETTER THAN PARAMOUNT!!!
The crowd lets out an audible gasp as it looks like Trekker was just smacked in the face. She backs up and regroups before stepping back in.
Star Trekker: WHO IS STREAMING THE SUPER BOWL LIVE?
The crowd explodes!
Randy: It's getting heated. Speaking of the Super Bowl, do you think Taylor Swift is going to make it?
Hawke: Easy, Randy. You are going to have all the Brads and Chads upset at us.
Randy: When are the Brads and Chads not mad at us?
They lock up, and Trekker quickly pulls Ancient Alien in, spinning him around and trying for a sleeper hold. He counters with a snap mare takeover, and locks in a chin lock for good measure! Trekker impressively bridges up and gets back to a vertical base as Ancient tries to hold on. The champ grabs the challenger's arm and quickly falls to her back, leaving Ancient yelling out in pain at the arm breaker.
Hawke: Beautiful counter with the fall away armbreaker.
As Ancient Alien gets back to his feet, Trekker mocks his pain and then throws him into the corner. As he stumbles back out, she grabs his arm, twists under and hits him with a shoulder block, trying to dislocate the Big D's shoulder in the process. She twists the arm again, and hits another shoulder block, taking Ancient Alien to the mat, but not letting go of his arm.
Hawke: Trekker staying with the arm. Since becoming the champion she's gotten more impressive.
Randy: Yeah, because Pie matches and the likes are REAL impressive.
Trekker lifts Alien back up and hits another shoulder block, dropping him to his knees. Again, she holds on to his arm. Ancient Alien, sensing he is in trouble, tries to reach for the rope so that Trekker has to break the hold. Every time he gets close, Trekker pulls him away, in complete control. Ancient Alien tries to use his strength but Trekker uses the momentum to shift around and get behind him, before hitting a big German suplex!
Randy: Oh!
Hawke: See, impressive!
Randy: You have a point there, but it looks like she did just as much damage to her own back as she did to Ancient Alien with that suplex.
Trekker gets to her feet, holding her back, the suplex taking a lot out of her as well. She walks over to Alien, picking him up, before throwing him towards the ropes with an impressive hip toss. She motions and the ref opens the pod.
Hawke: Trekker shoves at Alien with her boots. He's got hold of the bottom rope though! I don't think she's going to get him in there.
She lays down and tries to get more leverage but to no avail. Trekker slaps the mat in frustration. Meanwhile, Ancient Alien begins to pull himself up with the ropes, fired up at being able to avoid the pod. Trekker is there though, and slings (no pun intended) him across the ring with another hip toss. She jumps up and down, trying to work the pain out of her back. The crowd stops their feet in unison as Trekker backs into one corner. She charges across the ring and goes for a corner cannonball, but Ancient Alien manages to move and Trekker crashes back first into the bottom buckle.
Randy: Nobody home!
Hawke: The champion is hurt pretty bad but she's trying to pull herself up.
Ancient walks over towards the corner, just as Trekker slowly makes her way back to her feet. He scoops her up and slams her down on his knee in a backbreaker as she yells out. Trekker reaches out for the bottom rope as Ancient Alien looks to build on the momentum swing.
Randy: Yeah, I think her fantasy run with that title is coming to an end!
He picks Trekker up, positioning her for a sidewalk slam, but quickly turns her at the last moment into another crunching backbreaker. Trekker is in a world of hurt but Ancient Alien is in no hurry. He stays down on his knees for a moment, before slowly getting up. He picks Trekker up and hits a scoop slam in the center of the ring. Ancient backs up to the ropes, rebounds and hits a splash! He gives the ref a nod.
Hawke: This could be it! We may have a new champion!
Randy: He's got her up... and over the ropes!
Ancient Alien attempts to toss Trekker over the ropes but she hands on to the top, impressively, and stops from crashing into the pod. She flips back over the ropes and lands but is met with a dropkick for her efforts.
Randy: Look at the athleticism to hold on there. OH
Hawke: Dropkick! Ancient Alien is dialed in!
Ancient Alien gets to his feet and immediately steps behind Trekker who has rolled over on her stomach. He grabs her arms and pulls them back, wrenching them. She yells out, trying to get to her knees but Ancient Alien has control now. Just as Trekker is able to get to a kneel, Ancient Alien lets go of her arms, grabs a rear chokehold and puts his knees into her back. He drops to the ground, rockig her back onto his knees. The hold looks brutal and the scream she lets out matches the visual.
Hawke: Kind of a surfboard backbreaking chinlock here. Very impressive move. Trekker may pass out from the pain, she has no where to go!
Randy: That will make Alien's job easy.
Trekker tries to fight the hold. She yells out so loud it startles Ancient Alien enough for the hold to slip a bit. Trekker sinks her teeth into his forearm, breaking the hold.
Randy: Ha! She just bit him! That's one way to get out of it!
Ancient Alien shakes his arm and stalks the champion who is crawling around the ring, still in pain. As Ancient Alien approaches, Trekker shoves him away. She tries to use the ropes to help stand. Ancient Alien moves back in, backing Trekker into the corner before sending her across the ring with authority, her back crashing into the corner with a thud. She hits the ground.
Randy: Ouch!
The ref checks on Trekker as Ancient Alien steps back over, picking her up and throwing her into the opposite corner again, with all his strength. She nails the turnbuckles again hits the mat. Ancient Alien hits the mat too, holding previously injured arm.
Hawke: Trekker may need medical attention here. Wait... it looks like Ancient Alien threw his arm out a bit too. The damage earlier in the match is catching back up to him.. Despite how silly the Streaming Wars can be at times, Randy, you have to admit we are seeing a pretty good match here tonight for the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Randy: We are. But at some point we have to see them take this outside the ring. All this ring work is fine but the pod is out there!
Ancient Alien makes it back to his feet and walks over to Trekker. He lifts her legs and tries to turn her over for a Boston crab, but Trekker blocks it. He shifts his weight and tries to rotate her in the opposite direction but again Trekker is able to block. As Ancient Alien attempts to shift back the other way, Trekker shows impressive leg strength and flips Ancient over and to the mat, buying her some valuable breathing time.
Randy: I can't believe she still has strength in her legs, given how bad her back is hurting, to be able to flip Alien like that.
Hawke: They each look to catch a breath and reset! Trekker wants to bring the fight to the challenger!
Both competitors make their way to their feet. Trekker is actually first and runs in. Ancient goes for a clothesline that is ducked. Trekker grabs a waistlock, looking for another German suplex but doesn't have the strength. Ancient reverses the hold and lifts for his own suplex, but can't get Trekker all the way over. She leans forward, getting her feet back on the ground and reverses the hold once again. Then Ancient reverses. Then Trekker. Then... you guessed it... Ancient reverses.
Randy: Are they fighting or dancing?
Hawke: You heard of suplex city, this is the Waist Lock Highway on the way...
Randy: Woah woah woah... you can't say that.
Hawke: Waist Lock Highway?
Randy: No. Suplex Ci-HEY! Good try!
Trekker tries to power out of the waist lock but can't. Instead, she drops down to all fours and crawls backwards under Ancient Aliens legs. He turns around and is met with a hurricanrana. They both get to their feet and Trekker hits the ropes, rebounds, and hits another hurricanrana! She motions to the ref as they make their way up again, Trekker again hits the ropes. She goes for another hurricanrana but Ancient Alien holds on, lifting her back up for a powerbomb.
Hawke: The pace is really picking up. A third hurric-NO! Ancient Alien holds on, POWERBOM-
Trekker swiftly pokes Ancient in the eyes and slips off him, grabbing his head on the way down and hitting a DDT! The momentum takes him crashing over to the bottom rope!
Randy: -EYE POKE DDT! IT'S OVER!
Hawke: She's going to retain!
Trekker stands up and runs the ropes again for good measure and hits Ancient Alien with a basement dropkick that sends him out and into the Pod. She crawls over and reaches out to close it but Ancient Alien is able to roll out of it just in time as the lid closes with a thud.
Hawke: JUST ESCAPES! I thought it was over Randy!
Randy: Yeah, you and this whole arena. It's like someone knocked the breath out of everyone in the stands.
Trekker gets back to her feet, leaning on the ropes to catch her breath. She lets Ancient pull himself back into the ring and she goes for a superkick! It's caught by Ancient! He quickly drops down, snapping her knee over and down to the mat. Trekker lands awkwardly. They both get back up, but Trekker is favoring her knee in the corner. Ancient charges in and hits a clothesline, dropping her. He climbs up on the top turnbuckle but is taking too much time.
Hawke: I'm not sure I agree with going up top. The man is exhausted.
Randy: He is taking an awful long time, but Trekker is out of it. That clothesline may have done her in once and for all.
Hawke: I think you're right. Why not throw her in the pod and win the title?
As Ancient Alien makes it to the top, Trekker explodes to her feet and dives, knocking him off balance. He is racked on the top turnbuckle, clearly in pain. She asks the ref to open the pod.
Randy: Oh no! No little ETs running around for him after this one!
Trekker has Ancient Alien straddled on the top turnbuckle! She ascends and looks around the arena. She balls her fist, taking a moment to stare at it, before holding it up high in the air. The crowd cheers loudly! She throws a punch that softly lands! And another! A third!
Randy: She's absolutely rocking Ancient!
Hawke: I wouldn't say rocking... Absolutely annoying him, more like it.
Ancient Alien shakes off the weak punches, visibly frustrated and shoves Star Trekker off the top ropes, but at the last second, he reaches out and grabs her hair!
Randy: It's a top rope Giorgio Tsoukalos Abduction!
Hawke: Ouch! And with no disqualifications, he can hold it all night!
Trekker is yelling out as she feels the hair trying to leave her scalp. The arm damage from ealier is once again too much though as Ancient Alien can't hold her up any longer. He lets go. When Trekker's feet finally hit the mat, she stands there, a shocked look on her face and her hair sticking straight up. Ancient Alien smiles and claps his hands for a job well done. As he gets down, his eyes are locked in on the pod and he doesn't see the leg. It catches him square on the chin.
Hawke: The Riker Maneuver!
The slow leg clothesline catches Ancient off guard, and he stumbles back, hitting the ropes. As he rebounds, Trekker goes for a second Riker Maneuver but Discvoery's Ancient Alien ducks under it and and pulls the champion's head back into a reverse headlock.
Hawke: Ancient Alien comes off the ropes, Trekker looking for a second Riker Maneuver! NO! She misses! Ancient Alien has her....HBO MAX!!!
Randy: Wait...
Just as Ancient Alien tries to hit the rolling cutter, Trekker shimmies out of it, grabbing Ancient Alien by the neck and digging her fingers into his shoulder. Alien yelps as his right arm goes limp.
Hawke: Vulcan Nerve Pinch is locked in!
Randy: Right, not like that does anything.
Whether Randy is right or wrong, it's debatable. What isn't debatable is Trekker is able to drag Ancient Alien to the ropes while still holding the nerve pinch. She shoves him against the ropes digging her thumb and fingers deeper into the flesh and muscle.
Randy: He's going over!
As Ancient Alien begins to flip over the top rope, Trekker releases the hold and gives a swift karate chop that more than likely added insult to the injury instead of actually doing damage. Alien lands in the pod and Trekker lenas through the middle ropes, slamming the door shut. She lands on the top, completley exhausted.
DING! DING! DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner... AND STILLLLLLLL The XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion!!! PARAMOUNT+'S THE STAR TREKKER!!!!
The ref raises Star Trekker's arm in victory but she knows her mission is not complete yet. She grabs a padlock and secures it on the latch as Ancient Alien begins kicking the top of the lid, trying to open the pod.
Randy: I believe MAX is just about to be launced out of the streaming wars all together!
Hawke: No... that thing doesn't actually... work does it?
Randy: We are about to find out!
Trekker rolls the pod over onto the launching mechanism as the crowd cheers loudly. She presses the button.
Randy: LOOKOU- beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
The pod takes off right towards the power equipment and crashes into it as sparks fly and we momentarily lose the network stream.
The shot fades up on the ring with golf bags in each corner. Carts and other various golf related objects are scattered around the ring side. There is also a giant glass aquarium filled with a dark liquid. Hawke sits at the commentary table with Phil Blauer who is dressed in old fashion golfer clothes.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following is a Caddyshack match for the XHF Tag Team Championships.
Hawke: DTF has closed shop, but it’s time to see if two of their most memorable wrestlers can win gold from the new champions. I’m joined by a special guest for this match, Hardkore World’s Phil Blauer.
Phil: Pleasure to be here, Hawks. I just want to set the record straight that this is just a guest appearance. I’m not replacing Randy full time even though I am way better at his job. Angel is my friend and this is a favor to him.
“No Rain” by Blind Melon plays and Dana Daniels shuffles down to the ring in his black and yellow bee themed luchador outfit. A text scroll at the bottom of the screen begs his ex wife to call him.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering first, the challengers! Making his way to the ring at 6 feet tall and 185 pounds. Jodie please give another chance to Dana “The Drone” Daniels!
Hawke: Dana is looking to win his first title.
Phil: Nobody cares about that. They want to know where Randy is. He refused to do the Caddyshack match. It’s rather shocking.
Hawke: He didn’t want us talking about it, Phil.
The heavy beat of Blood Code hits the speakers, drawing cheers from the fans. They stomp their feet and slap the barricade in time to it as Ulysses Cole steps through the curtain, nodding his head in time. He surveys the audience and grins, then starts making his way down to the ring, bruising the hands of fans brave or foolhardy enough to stick one out for a high five. Coles slides his not inconsiderable bulk into the ring, taking some nice big stompy steps around as he soaks in the appreciation. Dana goes for a first bump, but then decides better of it.
Bonnie Jenkins: Making his way to the ring at 6’4 and 362 pounds. He is The California Kaiju…Ulysses Cole!
Phil: I know, but this is the only way for him to take back power. He can’t run from his fears.
Hawke: Regardless, the California Kaiju was the first wrestler to hold…
Phil: It happened when he was a young man just trying to enjoy a date at Ruby Tuesdays. He was standing up for his high school sweetheart when someone cut in line for the salad bar. Randy was the hero in this situation.
Hawke: Phil! Enough!
“Keep it Bud Light” by the Bud Light House band kicks in after that proclamation and out onto the stage stumbles a man wearing a Buzz Lightyear costume made entirely of Bud Light boxes. The Cardboard Combatant rumbles his way to the ramp and stumbles … nearly falling … but catches himself and makes it look intentional. He rolls into the ring and hops up and down to the complete silence of the crowd … no reaction at all. He yells at them to clap! HE’S AN INDY LEGEND! No dice.
Bonnie Jenkins: Now the champions. Making his way to the ring at 5’7” and 210 pounds, hailing from the Rocky Mountain High Mountain of space he is…BUD LIGHTBEER!
Hawke: Bud’s over the top antics rub lots of veterans the wrong…
Phil: It was Caddyshack star Rodney Dangerfield that tried to skip the salad bar line! Poor Randy was just a kid. He never had a chance in a verbal battle with that insult comic legend.
Hawke: He didn’t want us to talk about it.[/div]
“Preliator” by Globus hits the speakers as all the loyal fans from Supremia rise in acknowledgement of their ruler. King Edmund struts in, behind him ambles his manservant and dog’s body, the meat mountain of a man known only as Mutt. Still rippling with veins bursting through his muscles from his former enhancement at the hands of Eyetology in CW, Mutt lifts his boss off the stage and onto his shoulders as he soaks in the adoration from the fans (read: boos). Mutt carries King Edmund IV to the ring and places him on the apron then rolls into the ring. He hoists Edmund into the ring where he gestures to the crowd and makes Mutt bow at his feet. Mutt forcibly makes Buzz also bow.
Bonnie Jenkins:: And his partner, hailing from Silvercrest, Capital of Supremia. He is KING EDMUND THE FOURTH … and Mutt!
Hawke: Don’t let Edmund fool you. Mutt will…
Phil: So we’re just going to keep honoring the memory of that creep? I can’t be silent on this. That guy always went on about “no respect”. Where was the respect when he made a pure hearted teenager with dreams of being a wrestler cry in a crowded Ruby Tuesdays? Do you know Sasha broke up with Randy the next day? You’ll never guess who she started dating instead.
Hawke: Nelly Angel.
Phil: Nelly Angel! So how can you possibly ask Randy to sit here and work through a Caddyshack themed match? It must have been so traumatizing. He probably can’t even enjoy the brilliant film Lady Bugs. None of you internet trolls better make light of this either. I don’t want to see #randyfearsrodney trending!
Hawke: How does Guillermo handle this?
XHF GLOBAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Caddyshack Match
Dana "The Drone" Daniels and Ulysses Cole (DTF) vs. The Glorious Reign of His Majesty King Edmund IV of Supremia (Mutt and Bud Lightbeer) ©
Papito calls for the bell. The fans cheer as Dana pulls out a golf club from one of the bags in the corner. Mutt ducks and just misses getting his head caved in with a swing from Dana’s golf club. Daniels asks him if he wants another and doesn't see Bud Lightbeer sneak up on him with a back cracker.
Hawke: The driver flies out the beekeepers hands. Dana gets dropped on his head with a Dragon suplex!! Mutt bounces off the ropes, but Ulysses hits him with a stiff uppercut!
Ulysses irish whips Mutt into the ropes but the loyal beast ducks under a clothesline. He comes back the other direction and hits a massive spear.
Hawke: Big meaty men slapping meat!
Phil: Please, you’re a professional broadcaster! Have some decency. Gary Player could be watching.
Hawke: Buzz karate chops Dana in the chest, but The Drone answers with a tomahawk chop to the top of his beer box helmet!
Mutt runs in to save his partner, but Dana tosses a metal bucket full of golf balls at the bodyguard's head.
Hawke: Quick thinking by Dana! Bright colored golf balls scatter across the ring.
Phil: I usually pick light green just like the beautiful eyes of my late wife. God rest her soul. If they don’t have that then I grab two blue balls for laughs.
Hawke: Cole drives Mutt face first into his knee twice, then finishes up with a big punch sending him through the ropes to the floor! Dana unfolds the chair into the center of the ring, while Ulysses now headbutts Bud Lightbeer.
Phil: That isn’t just any chair. It’s a vintage, green chair from the 1987 Master’s. Who could forget the year that hometown boy Larry Mize won his only major in a thrilling sudden death playoff!
Dana swinging neckbreakers the back of Bud’’s head against the Master’s chair.
Papito: 1...2...(Bud Lightbeer kicks out)
Hawke: Not enough for the pin yet. Ulysses irish whips Bud Lightbeer into the ropes, Ulysses belly to belly suplexes him, crushing him with his 362 pounds!!
Phil: That’s all heavy fat too. It’s not 300 pounds of muscle like me.
Papito: 1...2...(Bud Lightbeer kicks out)
Hawke: Ulysses applies a camel clutch to Bud Lightbeer. Dana runs into the ropes and punt kicks him in the face! Ulysses reapplies the camel clutch, and Dana kicks him in the face again!
Phil: Cole and Daniels were bitter rivals in DTF, but have put aside their differences to form an impressive team. A similar thing happened in the late 90s between myself and Nina Simone.
Papito: 1...(Ulysses stomps Bud Lightbeer's stomach)
Hawke: Bud hops onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai reverse DDT on Ulysses!!
Papito: 1...2...(Ulysses gets his shoulder up)
Hawke: Mutt slides back into the ring. He irish whips Cole into the corner, colliding with a bag of golf clubs. Bud Lightbeer double handsprings into a sloppy rana. He covers the Kaiju!
Papito: 1...2...(Ulysses kicks out)
Hawke: Mutt scoops Dana up and snow plows his skull. Daniels goes headfirst into his own Master’s chair.
Phil: Turnabout is fair play. Now the beekeeper’s face is crushed where once sat the pasty ass of a corrupt Atlanta lawyer.
Papito: 1...2...(Dana gets his shoulder up)
Hawke: Mutt double underhooks Dana's arms and lifts him up into a brainbuster!!
Bud Lightbeer climbs up to the top turnbuckle and pantomimes chugging a drink. He hits a senton legdrop and then goes for the pin.
Papito: 1...2...(Dana kicks out)
Hawke: Though Dana’s offense leaves a lot to be desired, his resilience is top tier. It takes a lot to make the beekeeper quit. Cole staggers to his feet. Mutt pokes Ulysses in the eye, then twists his arm. He bends the kaiju’'s arm behind him and then reverse DDTs him on his chicken winged arm!!
Phil: Big meaty men slapping meat!
Hawke: That doesn’t apply here…didn’t you scold me for using that line earlier?
Phil: Don’t be absurd, I just made that up on the fly.
Bud Lightbeer does a frog splash from the top turnbuckle and covers the bigger man.
Papito: 1...2...(Ulysses kicks out)
Hawke: Kaiju kick out! Bud climbs up to the top turnbuckle and flies off with a plancha but Ulysses catches him. Ulysses presses Lightbeer over his head and slams Bud over the top rope into the tank of water.
Phil: That isn’t water in there. It’s an Arnie Palmer, the delightful mix of iced tea and lemonade named after one of the greatest in the history of the game.
The fans pop to see someone splash into the dunk tank. Ulysses wins an exchange of forearms with Mutt.Cole fireman's carries Mutt onto his shoulders and then sits him on the top turnbuckle
Hawke: Ulysses gets a running start and avalanches Mutt over the top turnbuckle to the floor below! Bud has managed to swim to the ledge and is pulling himself out. Dana bounces off the ropes and launches himself to the outside.
Phil: I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my life, but a flying bee takes the cake. Dana knocks himself and Bud back into the beverage tank. That has to be twice as painful for Lightbeer, given the fact it's non-alcoholic.
Ulysses lifts up a wooden putting green, placing one end on the ring apron and the other on the guard rail.
Phil: Damn that baby must be an easy two grand. Any chance I could snag it after the show for my man cave? I’d feel like a powerful tycoon, practicing the game I love while on speaker phone with my therapist.
Cole picks Bud up and powerbombs him through a wooden structure.
Phil: Great. Now what am I going to do when Doctor Hall talks? Listen?
Hawke: Ulysses gets up on the apron and comes off with a big splash to Bud Lightbeer who is still trapped in the pile of broken wood.
Bud’s face is a mask of pain as the crowd cheers. Daniels climbs out of the pool.
Hawke: Dana goes for a DDT, but Mutt lifts him up in a fireman's carry. He airplane spins the side of Dana's head into the ringpost!
Mutt clears a ringside table of various foods.
Phil: That classless animal! He just wasted our entire “Taste of The Masters” spread. Lord Edmund does not understand the value of pimento cheese!
Hawke: Ulysses DDTs Bud Lightbeer on the cement floor! Mutt lists Dana up, but the beekeeper shoves something in his enemy’s face.
Phil: It’s a delicious egg salad sandwich priced at a reasonable $1.50!
Hawke: Mutt screams! Daniels tries to wiggle free, but it is no use. The champ blindly powerbombs Dana through the table.
Mutt staggers to his feet, but Ulysses is waiting. Cole hits him in the stomach and smashes his face into the steel steps. Blood gushes from Mutt’s forehead.
Hawke: Mutt has a crimson mask! He stumbles to his feet, but trips over the still prone Dana and crashes into the guard rail.
Phil: The force of that giant falling was so hard that it actually dislodged the rail from its hinges. There is nothing protecting you and I from the hordes of poor people.
Cole helps Dana to his feet and they both begin to stomp on Mutt.
Hawke: The DTF wrestlers are putting the boots to the champions. Wait! Bud Lightbeer slingshots over the ropes and knocks everyone over.
Phil: A flying alcoholic! What is this, Delta first class? Hang on, Hawker. Let’s pause for a moment here to allow everyone at home to recover from the belly busting laughter I just caused. Okay, you can speak again.
Dana slowly staggers to his feet, but not quick enough to avoid a trip up on the rising Mutt’s shoulders.
Hawke: Ouch! Mutt lifts Dana up in a fireman's carry and swings him around into an F5!!
Phil: You can’t call it the F5 anymore. Haven’t you read the news at all this week? F5 is insensitive to all the people suffering through climate change.
Phil: Just look at those beer loving balls grinding into Ulysses's face. There is no sport like golf!
Hawke: The momentum in this match has completely shifted.
Cole staggers to his feet towards the announce desk. He turns around just in time to get speared by Mutt. Both giants are sent through the side of the glass aquarium. The arena roars as Arnie Palmer spills across the floor.
Hawke: Dear lord! They’ve shattered through the glass!
Phil: No! I was going to bathe in and/or drink from that later!
The crowd chants “Holy Shit” as Dana and Bud crawl back into the ring. Lightbeer grabs something from the golf bag.
Hawke: Bud choking the life out of Dana with one of the golf clubs.
Phil: That’s a five wood, might not be the best choice with the wind.
Hawke: Wait! There was someone else in the aquarium of Arnie Palmer.
A man in scuba diver gear slides into the ring and removes his mask.
Hawke: It’s Deacon Oldham! Dana’s wrestling manager and life coach.
Deacon barks at Bud to pick on someone his own size. Lightyear laughs in the veteran’s face and dares him to take a swing. Oldham clocks Bud with a right hook and the wrestler does a 360 then rag dolls to the floor.
Hawke: HOLY SHIT! BUD LIGHTYEAR IS FUCKING DEAD!
Phil: He snuffed out the life of a complete stranger without hesitation. It was nothing to him.
Hawke: Phil, I’m scared.
Phil: How could Marty possibly have invited his daughter to share a room on a four night Disney Cruise? Was he looking for assisted suicide?
King Edmund IV watches in horror for a moment, both members of his team down, before jumping in a golf cart and driving off.
Phil: Looks like Edmund doesn’t want to explain why Supremia didn’t partake in Operation Enduring Freedom.
Hawke: Dana wants to go for the pin, but Deacon is ordering him to get something from under the ring.
Dana drags in a wooden board covered in upside down golf tees and sets it up in the corner.
Hawke: This is too far. Don’t do it.
Phil: Bud might not have any friends or loved ones, but think of all the package store owners watching in horror.
Mutt starts to rise to his feet. Deacon Oldham slides out of the ring and begins to grapple with the monster of a man. Dana looks at Bud, conflicted. He doesn’t notice a rope drop from the ceiling behind him. Rappelling down is a mystery man in a near identical bee luchador costume. This one is black and white with long, wet hair. They also wear a leather jacket and hold a baseball bat.
Hawke: Dana turns around startled. Who in the world is that?
Stung delivers a devastating v-trigger to the surprised beekeeper.
Hawke: What a jumping knee! He tosses Dana face first into the golf tees. The beekeeper screams in pain as the tees stab into him.
Phil: This mystery man follows him into the corner with a STUNGER SPLASH!
Stung steps back letting Dana and the board of golf tees fall over. The mystery wrestler then grabs the knocked out Bud and places him on top.
Papito:1…2…3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Here are your winners and STILL XHF Tag Team Champions...BUD LIGHTYEAR AND EDMUND THE IV!
The bell rings and Deacon looks up in disbelief. Stung holds up the bat menacingly. It doesn’t phase the Navy Seal who sprints towards the ring. The Sting rip off screams for his life and flees through the crowd.
Hawke: Stung is running like a scalded scorpion. Mutt and Bud retain in the unlikeliest of fashions, but it’s hard to feel anything other than concern. Dana is bleeding bad under that board. He might never wrestle again.
Phil: Good.
Hawke: Really, Phil? That’s how you want to end your appearance tonight?
Phil: Of course not. #RandyfearsRodney is the number one hashtag in the world right now.
Hawke: We’ll be back in a moment.
King Edmund rides back down to the ring on the golf cart. The shot fades out on him celebrating with both titles as paramedics attend to the wrestlers.
Laura Messier: The following contest is YOUR CO-MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING AND IS FOR THE TAP OUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
The XHF Arena crowd burst into life.
Laura Messier: The following contest is a Texas Deathmatch! After pinning your opponent for a three-count there is a thirty-second break AND THEN a ten-count. If your opponent does not make it up from the ten count, then you will win the match!
Steve Morrison: For those unfamiliar, these are the original rules from the mouth of Dory Funk Senior!
Laura Messier: Submissions count but there are no count-outs and no disqualifications! In short, THERE HAS TO BE A WINNER!!!!
The crowd once more erupt!!
Lights dim in the building and the screen above the ramp shows footage of NOMAD standing in the backstage halls of the XHF Arena. The crowd responds with claps and cheers as the challenger for the TAPOUT Openweight Championship is shown.
He stands there bouncing in place as the opening bass riff of Rotten Apple by Alice In Chains begins to vibrate the floor of the building. The challenger checks his wrist tape one last time, rolls his fists together and turns his neck side to side. As the guitar enters the song, NOMAD closes his eyes, draws the hood of his hoodie up and waits for a moment.
He opens the door in front of him and walks through, bursting out onto the floor of the crowd.
Steve Morrison: THE stand-out performer from the first quarter of Tap Out’s history!
Cross Recoba: It’s been a long-time coming but NOMAD can make his mark on Tap Out history indelible tonight!
Once the spotlight finds him, a mass of people begin to swarm him on all sides. With palms outstretched and arms above his head, NOMAD begins making his way to the ring like a shepherd leading a flock of sheep.
As the vocals blast through the speakers, NOMAD nears the barrier and climbs over, Security rushes to keep the crowd from following him over. He pulls the hood back from his head and climbs onto the apron. He makes his way up on the nearest turnbuckle post, he gestures to the crowd to a massive response as the chorus kicks in.
Steve Morrison: Winning a HUGELYcompetitive match in November, NOMAD waited patiently through last month’s show and now finds himself on the show where Tap Out began!
Cross Recoba: That’s right, Supremacy might be an XHF event but it’s THE show that counts the most of them for Tap Out! But, Steve, NOMAD took the month off in December, how much will recuperation and scouting help tonight?
As the chorus fades into the second verse, NOMAD climbs down into the ring and takes his hoodie off, where he waits for the match to start.
Steve Morrison: Two men who started out on differing sides and what seemed like friendly competition now boils over into what could well be the most vicious match under the Tap Out banner!
Cross Recoba: Both men told us what the match means to them in the build-up. Now we’re just minutes away from finding out who will start the 2024 calendar holding the title!
The opening thumping guitar and drum riff of "Unstoppable" by Disturbed hits the arena as an imitation sandstorm is created in the entranceway. After 10 seconds of storm, Aiden Merric emerges from the billowing sands chewing nicotine gum and wearing a smug ass smile on his face as he pats the title that sits over his shoulder.
Steve Morrison: Never short of a quote and never short of a way to skirt the rules, this match might well be the epitome of what Merric stands for!
Cross Recoba: Chaotic, heavy-hitting, brutality! It’s what makes Aiden the fighter he is!
He spits the gum and puts a patch on his arm before stretching and walking to the ring with a purpose. He nods along with the theme song as he jabbers with the crowd and keeps moving. He stalks around the ring to the far side and nods at the commentators before he rolls into the ring and stretches on the ropes.
Steve Morrison: It’s was noticeable that Erin Gordon was in the Camp with Merric for this one, having faced off against NOMAD at one of our early events!
Cross Recoba: Not just at an event but main-eventing! Merric is headstrong but he’s far from stupid! He’ll have picked Erin’s brain for insight so he can prepare for this match like taking down big game in the outback!
The referee stops him and removes his various blades, ropes and other hunting equipment as he smirks. As the first chorus ends at roughly 65 seconds in, Aiden is set free to his corner. He then cracks his neck, waiting for the bell as his music fades and the storm subsides.
Steve Morrison: Can he make those lariats count tonight?
Cross Recoba: I get the feeling that the Merric we see tonight is going to be a step quicker, a thought ahead, and more willing to go into the unknown than we’ve ever seen before!
With both men now in the ring, Laura steps forward for the introductions.
Laura Messier:INTRODUCING…THE CHALLENGER!!! Hailing from Colville, Washington...He stands at six-feet-and-three inches and tips the scales at two-hundred-and-thirty pounds!!! HE IS THE VIOLENT WANDERER!!!! NOMAD!!!!
NOMAD bounces on the balls of his feet, the adrenaline clearly pumping.
Laura Messier:AND HIS OPPONENT!!!! From Coober Pedy, South Australia. He stands at six-feet and two inches and weighed in yesterday at two-hundred-and-twenty pounds...THE WONDER FROM DOWN UNDER AND THE CURRENT HOLDER OF THE TAP OUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!...AIDEN...MERRIC!
Merric smiles as his name is called out but beyond that he remains unreadable as he leans back into his corner and awaits the bell.
TAPOUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Texas Death Match
NOMAD vs. Aiden Merric ©
“Big” John Quinn lets Laura Messier out of the ring as the XHF Arena drops to a hushed silence. He lifts up the Tap Out Openweight title to the crowd for the final time before the match begins.
Crowd: WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Handing the belt to the outside, Quinn makes his way to the center of the ring and beckons both competitors to come out from their corner to the middle of the ring.
Steve Morrison: This is it, folks. This is your co-main event but I wonder if tonight’s main-event can compete for the level of intensity, brutality, and potential bloodiness that I’m certain we’ll see tonight.
Cross Recoba: : We know NOMAD can wrestle but in a Texas Death Match it’s not about who has the best transition from a waistlock to a takedown, it’s about how far you’re willing to go beyond your opponent!
With deliberate gestures, “Big” John stresses his points. Without audio, it’s impossible to know exactly what’s being said but he makes a big point of miming reaching for his hair and then making a slashing motion, a clear note to Merric. The Tap Out Champion laughs at the special attention he feels he’s receiving.
Steve Morrison: Quinn is no stranger to the lengths that Aiden will go to in big matches, he saw what Merric had in store for Poena when he won the title.
Cross Recoba: : It’ll be a long night for him, this is a match where the longest bout was over three hours long.
Steve Morrison: That’s right. Dory Funk, the inventor of the match, and “Iron” Mike DiBiase were in that Herculean affair!
Cross Recoba: : Ever think that Mike DiBiase looks like he could be Mongo’s father?
Steve Morrison: The match had no winner, instead stopped by the Texas Athletic Commission for breaking curfew!
Cross Recoba: : That SOUNDS more like the behavior of someone who was Mongo’s father! Mongo is the child of the Athletic Commissions!
NOMAD retains a stoic expression throughout, almost looking through the Champion as the title belt makes its way behind the holder’s back to the timekeeper’s desk. With the Openweight title reaching its destination, he turns his attention to the Champion, looking for any sign of weakness or a tell.
Steve Morrison: NOMAD knows that he can vindicate his return with a win tonight. Battling back from a severe break of his arm thanks to Poena, NOMAD is now back in the same position many felt he should have been in his first stint here.
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD’s got such a diverse range of styles that preparing for him is incredibly difficult. Is he going to be the powerhouse, the brawler or the technician when that bell rings?
In return, Aiden seemingly tunes out the match official as he sizes up the day’s big game, the solitary inch difference in height lets the Australian glare right through the challenger, not showing any emotion one way or the other.
Steve Morrison: Merric won’t be troubled by that, he’s made a career out of taking on anyone and everyone with the same smashmouth bar-brawling style that saw him set records as the AWF Phoenix Champion!
Cross Recoba: : What started off as an exchange of lariats has led both of them to here, the two-year anniversary of Tap Out match and for the biggest prize we can offer!
Satisfied that he’s fulfilled his responsibility, Quinn sends the two men back to their corners.
Steve Morrison: Quinn seems to be happy, we’re just moments away from finding out what many have clamored for since before Thanksgiving!
NOMAD lifts a foot to the second turnbuckle, clearly eager to get his first shot at the title underway. Merric, conversely, lounges back into his corner and waits to hear the triplet of the bell.
Cross Recoba: : Merric knows that NOMAD will have a point to porve, I’d act the same.
The Minnesotan crowd have come back to life.
Crowd: LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP!
Hearing the chants, Quinn lets a smile slip onto his face before catching himself and calling for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
The crowd noise rises to a crescendo inside the XHF Arena as NOMAD darts from his corner at pace, Merric shakes his head as he goes to meet him.
Steve Morrison: Who will throw the first punch?
RIGHT HAND FROM NOMAD!
REPLY FROM MERRIC!
RIGHT HAND FROM NOMAD!
REPLY FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM SHOT FROM THE WASHINGTON NATIVE!
Steve Morrison: Neither man giving any ground up!
MERRIC REFUSES TO GIVE GROUND AND LIFTS A KNEE INTO THE MIDSECTION OF THE CHALLENGER!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD can brawl so Merric needs to make sure that the stand-up is on his terms.
Grabbing the arm of The Violent Wanderer, Aiden pulls his opponent into a forearm of his own and then wraps his arms around those of his foe…HEADBUTT!
Steve Morrison: SICKENING HEADBUTT!
ANOTHER ONE!
A THIRD LANDS AND NOMAD STAGGERS A HALF-STEP AS HE’S RELEASED!
Cross Recoba: : Merric is pushing himself beyond what we’ve seen previously, he CANNOT lose the brawling game because if he does, I don’t think he’s got the secondary skills to recover.
Merric wastes no time closing the gap with forearms that drive the Challenger back into the corner. Pushing forward with another forearm, Merric lets the arm drop before pushing the forearm into the windpipe of NOMAD.
Steve Morrison: Cheap move from the Champ!
Cross Recoba: : But perfectly legal, did you not hear Laura read the rules out?
In reply, Sloane snaps a rabbit punch to the throat of the Champion that creates a tiny gap. NOMAD makes the most of the window and leads with an open-handed uppercut that connects under the jaw of the Australian. Changing his stance, NOMAD lands a jab to the face and moves, another jab and another juke to the side. He grabs the arm of the Champion and whips him to the corner. Merric stops himself with his hands on the ropes…NOMAD’s committed to running in, MERRIC THROWS HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER TO THE APRON!
Steve Morrison: This could get interesting as NOMAD finds himself in a perilous position.
Merric turns around but eats a punch before replying with one of his own. The two men start to trade punches again, neither man wanting to give an inch even if they should. NOMAD snaps a jab before grabbing the head of Merric and firing a short European Uppercut to the chin of the Bounty Hunter. He hooks the head and tries to lift, Merric has his foot over the bottom rope! Merric tries to suplex NOMAD back into the ring…NOMAD DROPS DOWN THE BACK! Waistlock from the Washington native, GERMAN SUPLEX!!! NO!!!!
Cross Recoba: : See, Tap Out Wrestling, even in a Texas Death Match we give you Greco-Roman holds!
Steve Morrison: But so far this match it’s been more akin to the opener of a JROK bloodbath than a technical classic!
MERRIC KEEPS HOLD OF THE ROPES! NOMAD TRIES AGAIN…STILL NO DICE!!! MULE KICK FROM THE CHAMPION DOUBLES SLOANE OVER!!!
Steve Morrison: ANOTHER DIRTY TACTIC!
Cross Recoba: : Merric has waited his entire career to get a company’s top belt on the Network, I expect to see him do EVERYTHING in his power to keep that title around his waist!
Dashing forward, Merric connects with a European Uppercut of his own that pushes the head of NOMAD up as he takes a step back!
Steve Morrison: He rocked him with that!
MERRIC LUNGES FORWARD WITH A LARIAT…IT’S DUCKED! THE CHAMPION SPINS AROUND…SIDE HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN BY SLOANE!
Cross Recoba: : Smart move by NOMAD, it’s the worst kept secret in Tap Out that Merric is never going to win an amateur wrestling competition!
The Champion tries to adjust and wriggle out from the hold but NOMAD has it covered and starts to fire off a succession of closed-fist punches to the head of Merric.
Steve Morrison: He’s targeting the area above Merric’s eye with those punches.
Cross Recoba: : That’s a deliberate move. Open that area up and blood is going to get into your eyes and obscure your vision besides being pretty unpleasant.
Aiden finds a gap and rolls over NOMAD.
ONE…
NOMAD gets back to the grounded side-headlock but Merric fights for position.
Steve Morrison: Aiden knows he can’t stop working to move from here.
With a huge roar of effort, Merric pushes up to his feet. BACK SUPLEX!!!
Cross Recoba: : High angle back suplex! Aiden’s a headhunter and those types of moves play right into the gameplan of a man with a trio of lariats.
Steve Morrison: But how many does NOMAD know?
Wasting no time, Aiden tries to keep the Challenger down as he rains down on the body of his opponent with sharp boots to the shoulders and chest of NOMAD.
Steve Morrison: Not the most elegant but Merric’s bar-room tactics keeping him on top in the early portion of the match.
Sloane tries to roll to avoid the stomps and escapes with a scuffed connection on his lower back. THE BIG GAME HUNTER GRABS HIS LEG! HE LIFTS IT UP AND SLAMS IT INTO THE MAT!
Cross Recoba: : He drove that knee into the canvas!
Keeping hold of the leg, MERRIC DRIVES A PUNT KICK INTO THE HAMSTRING OF HIS OPPONENT!!
Steve Morrison: Why the focus on the leg?
Cross Recoba: : Lariats, powerbombs, suplexes. All NOMAD’s building blocks to winning and all of them need a stable base.
MERRIC KEEPS HOLD OF THE FOOT AND THROWS HIMSELF BACK INTO A GROUNDED DRAGON SCREW!!
Steve Morrison: HE SNAPPED BACK!
Reaching for his leg, NOMAD rolls away to regroup.
Cross Recoba: : Sloane might need to switch up his plan. Merric’s finding gaps to exploit and that’s going to add up as the match progresses.
Not allowing for the recuperation, Aiden uses the hair of his opponent to bring him back to his feet and scoops him onto his shoulder…Body Slam!
Steve Morrison: Huge impact!
NOMAD pops his head up and Merric swings another punt kick…it’s ducked. Merric spins around with the momentum carrying through, his opponent takes the opportunity to push back to his feet and grabs another waistlock. He corrals Merric to the ropes and rolls back…
Cross Recoba: : Can it be?
ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX!!!!
Steve Morrison: WHAT A MOVE!!
NOMAD leaps to make the cover…
ONE…
T-
KICKOUT FROM MERRIC!
Steve Morrison: Merric’s not down yet. Folks, this match, to remind you, isn’t just getting a three-count but after you achieve that, your opponent has to stay down through a thirty-second rest period AND subsequent ten count!
The crowd remain split.
Crowd: LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP!
Reaching for the ropes, Merric uses them to get to his feet but NOMAD isn’t letting him get time to recover. Sloane throws a forearm into the lower back of the Champion to trap him against the ropes. A headbutt to the back of the Australian’s head with a nauseating thud tinstantly stops the chants.
Steve Morrison: Both men putting their heads on the line.
Cross Recoba: : Only increasing the chances this match goes from chess match to crap shoot!
Atomic lift from NOMAD…BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX!!
Steve Morrison: Crisp execution!
Rolling to his feet, Sloane measures his opponent…RUNNING KNEE DROP TO THE FACE OF THE CHAMPION!!
Cross Recoba: : Pinpoint accuracy as once more he finds the same spot above the eye!
Reaching into the mullet of Merric, NOMAD brings his opponent up between his knees and lifts….TEXAS PILEDRIVER!!!
Steve Morrison: A Stan Hansen Trio Tribute!
Another cover…
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT!!!!
Cross Recoba: : A hooked leg would have got the pin but it still wouldn’t have won the match!
NOMAD shakes his head, clearly thinking the move would be enough to at least get to the first count of the night. Once again, he pulls the Champion to his feet…
Steve Morrison: He isn’t finishedy yet…
MERRIC ANSWERS WITH AN OVERHAND RIGHT!
Cross Recoba: : The Champion fires back!!
AND ANOTHER!
A THIRD GETS THE CROWD BACK BEHIND MERRIC!
NOMAD THROWS A PUNCH BACK OF HIS OWN IN REPLY!
AND ANOTHER FROM THE MAN FROM COLVILLE!
Steve Morrison: What a slugfest!!!
HE THROWS A THIRD…IT’S BLOCKED BY MERRIC BEFORE HE THROWS A SHORT FOREARM!
Cross Recoba: : Has Merric got the rhythm down quicker than NOMAD?
FOREARM FROM NOMAD! FOREARM FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM FROM NOMAD! FOREARM FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM FROM NOMAD! FOREARM FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM FROM NOMAD!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD back on top!
MERRIC UNLEASHES A MACHINE-GUN FLURRY OF FOREARMS THAT TAKE NOMAD BACK INTO THE CORNER!
Cross Recoba: : This isn’t the match to make predictions or proclamations til you hear the theme music!
The Australian throws a boot into the stomach of the Challenger. And another! He grabs the head of Sloane…HUGE HEADBUTT DROPS HIM FURTHER INTO THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE!
Steve Morrison: The Man from Coober Pedy is taking down the Violent Wanderer!
RAPID-FIRE STOMPS DRIVE NOMAD FURTHER DOWN UNTIL HE’S SEATED ON THE RING FLOOR WITH NOWHERE TO GO!!
Cross Recoba: : Aiden needs to make this portion of control count, give him something that’ll last the match!
Merric grabs the legs of NOMAD and lifts as he steps back…HUGE SLAM PUTS NOMAD BACK ON THE MAT WITH IMPACT!
Steve Morrison: Unorthodox move but it keeps the Champion in control!
Going back to the turnbuckle, Merric starts to undo the top turnbuckle pad.
Cross Recoba: : Quinn can do nothing but standby and watch!
He throws the cover into the crowd!
Steve Morrison: That’ll be on eBay before the morning comes!
Cross Recoba: : You think Minnesota knows eBay? Mormons have a better grasp on technology!
Approaching NOMAD, Aiden lifts him to his feet and grabs his arm. HE WHIPS HIM INTO THE CORNER…NO! NOMAD REVERSES AND SENDS MERRIC BACK-FIRST INTO THE EXPOSED STEEL!!
Steve Morrison: Aiden’s plan backfires!!
With a confident smile, NOMAD takes a step back before charging in…HE LEAPS WITH A RAISED KNEE…..
Cross Recoba: : This could stun Merric…
MERRIC MOVES LEAVING SLOANE TO DRIVE HIS KNEE INTO THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE!!!
Steve Morrison: AIDEN GETS OUT OF DODGE AND SLOANE IS LEFT TO PAY THE PRICE!
Cross Recoba: : Both men finding out in quick succession just how unforgiving the steel of the ring can be!
Using the top rope to keep on his feet, NOMAD dips his head as he works out how much damage the miss caused. Merric charges in with a running back elbow to the back of his opponent’s head! GERMAN SUPLEX!!
Steve Morrison: Not the cleanest but it did the trick!
Merric makes the cover this time…
ONE…
TW-
KICKOUT FROM NOMAD!
Steve Morrison: Do you see the end of the match in sight, Cross?
Cross Recoba: : Not yet, but that could all change if one of them hits a move out of nowhere or gets the smallest window to fit one of their patented moves in!
Merric sighs as he lifts up Sloane from the mat and tucks his head between his legs. He lifts…
Steve Morrison: We’ve not seen this from the Champ befor-
REVERSE POWERBOMB!!!
Cross Recoba: : HE PLANTED HIM FACE-FIRST!
Another cover from Merric…
ONE…
TWO…
T-
KICKOUT!!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD REFUSES TO BE PUT DOWN!
Not wanting to lose momentum, the Champion once more lifts up NOMAD…THE CHALLENGER CONNECTS WITH A JUMPING ENZUIGURI!!!!
Cross Recoba: : And THERE is the issue with facing NOMAD! Out of nowhere he goes to the air!
Rocked, Merric can’t stop NOMAD hooking his arm and lifting…SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!!
Steve Morrison: First we had Hansen, now we have Tully Blanchard being lampshaded!
Cross Recoba: : Did Verne ever put on a Texas Death Match? Were you expecting odes to Nick Bockwinkel because we’re in Minnesota?
Sloane keeps hold of the suplex hold and rolls them both to their feet and lifts once more….
Steve Morrison: He’s not done yet…
SHEERDROP BRAINBUSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: Vertical drop square on the top of Merric’s head!
The NOMAD section of the XHF Arena bursts into wild cheers as the Champion’s head hits the mat!
Cross Recoba: : Aiden could be knocked clean out!
The Challenger makes the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
TH-
MERRIC THROWS UP AN ARM!
Steve Morrison: Aiden once more showing why he’s in the conversation for toughest fighter on the Network!
The Merric fans drown out the cheers for NOMAD as the Champion keeps his arm up to show he’s still in the match.
Cross Recoba: : He’s looking for the fans he’s amassed over his career to give him some extra adrenaline..
Using the raised arm, NOMAD yanks Aiden to his feet and sends him to the ropes…
Steve Morrison: Sloane isn’t letng him rest…
HE SPINS…
Cross Recoba: : KERRY VON ERICH SPECI-
DISCUS LARIA-NO!!!! MERRIC DUCKS….DRAGON SUPLEX!!!
Steve Morrison: WHAT A REVERSAL!!!!
Both men are down as Quinn looks to the mat and then to Cross.
Cross Recoba: : There HAS to be a winner tonight! No count-outs, no disqualifications!!!
Recoba shakes his head, leaving Quinn with only the option to wait as they come back to.
Steve Morrison: Now we have to find out who might get the advantage as they get back to their feet…
Merric is first to move, NOMAD moving a second or two later but no more.
Cross Recoba: : It’s not about who’s first to move but who’s ready to make the first move.
Aiden rises to a vertical base but he staggers back for a moment before recovering. NOMAD, perhaps taking a cue from his opponent, plants a knee on the mat first before trying to get up.
Steve Morrison: Neither man rushing to get back up, clearly wanting to ensure they’re not unsure on their feet.
Grabbing the head of NOMAD, Merric drives down a punch that connects with the top of his opponent’s head but Sloane doesn’t buckle.
Cross Recoba: : Pinpoint accuracy on that one!
Merric rears his arm back further this time and connects with a harder punch but NOMAD refuses to drop from a knee.
Steve Morrison: What the Japanese call Fighting Spirit!
Using the arm of the Challenger to hoist him up. Merric whips NOMAD to the ropes, it’s reversed…
Cross Recoba: : Aiden’s in trouble…
NOMAD CHARGES OFF THE ROPES BEHIND MERRIC, THE CHAMP TURNS AROUND…LEG LARIAT CONNECTS!!!
Steve Morrison: That agility of NOMAD pays off!
Reaching down, Sloane once more pulls Merric’s head between his legs. He grabs a double-underhook….
Steve Morrison: What is this?
Cross Recoba: : OH….DEAR….FUCK…
TIGER….
DRIVER….
91!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: SCORCHED EARTH 91!!!
Cross Recoba: : This. could. Be. it….
With assured confidence, NOMAD makes the cover, hooking the leg.
ONE…
TWO….
THREE!!!
Steve Morrison: Merric could be knocked out cold.
Cross Recoba: : I knew he had that move in his locker but I didn’t think he’d ever use it while fighting for Tap Out. If you want to know the desire of NOMAD, he just used a move that can end careers.
Steve Morrison: Merric is yet to move.
The crowd fall silent as they realize that Merric is still and almost certainly unconscious.
Cross Recoba: : It could well be a knockout, flash or not.
NOMAD pushes himself back to his feet, still smiling. He goes back to his corner, his hands motioning around his waist as if sure that the title is coming his way.
Steve Morrison: Laura’s standing up…
Laura Messier: THE THIRTY-SECOND PERIOD HAS ELAPSED!!
Quinn starts the count.
ONE!!!!!
TWO!!!!!
THREE!!!
FOUR!!!!
Steve Morrison: We could have a new Champion…
FIVE!!!
Cross Recoba: : And what a vicious way to win the title….
SIX!!!!!
SEVEN!!!!
EIGHT!!!!
MERRIC FORCES HIMSELF UP BUT HE’S UNSTEADY AS QUINN CHECKS HIM.
Steve Morrison: Listen to the crowd roar as he moves!
NINE!!!
TE-
MERRIC IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND QUINN WAVES AWAY THE COUNT!!!!!!
Cross Recoba: : BUT ONLY JUST! Any other match, NOMAD’s walking out with the belt if he lands that one!
The Match Official signals for the match to resume!
Steve Morrison: BUT WE FIGHT ON!!
NOMAD RUSHES IN WITH A RUNNING SWINGING NECKBREAKER!!
Cross Recoba: : Working that neck immediately after that Tiger Driver!
He makes the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
THRE-
MERRIC KICKS OUT!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD thought he could sneak that one in for the win but Aiden has other ideas!
Cross Recoba: : But it shows you just how deadly that move can be. A swinging neckbreaker wouldn’t normally keep Merric down for a near fall!
The crowd roar in approval at the mettle from the Tap Out Openweight Champion!!!!
Steve Morrison: But listen to the XHF crowd rally behind the ChampioN!
NOMAD isn’t letting him off the hook so easily and hoists him to his feet. The Challenger throws a HUGE European Uppercut that staggers Merric into the ropes!
Cross Recoba: : It means nothing if NOMAD carries on in control.
He rebounds….STO!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: Once more, Merric innovates and expands his moveset!
Cross Recoba: : That was STRAIGHT out of Erin Gordon’s playbook!
Steve Morrison: The training camp not above the sharing of ides!
His eyes looking glazed, Merric gets to his feet and once more grabs the boot of NOMAD. He traps the boot with his foot and leaps…DOUBLE FOOT STOMP ONTO THE ANKLE OF THE CHALLENGER!!!
Cross Recoba: : He focuses on that leg again and he might well have snapped the ankle of the Violent Wanderer!
Merric grabs the foot and spins…
Steve Morrison: We’re going deep into the roots of the match!
The crowd pop for the callback to the Funk Family.
Cross Recoba: : This move doesn’t look lethal but let me tell you, each rotation is bending your leg closer and closer to a snap!
He spins around it once more, this time tweaking the leg further. NOMAD’s face now contorted into a mask of pain.
Steve Morrison: If you don’t believe Cross, just look at the Challenger’s face!
A third spin pushes the leg further, NOMAD letting out a painful noise as he does so.
Cross Recoba: : Submissions count but if that leg goes, there’s no point in the rest period or the ten count!
Quinn watches, if only to make sure the leg doesn’t actually snap.
Steve: “Big” Steve is watching to stop the match if needed.
Merric twists once more…NOMAD SNATCHES AN INSIDE CRADLE!!
ONE…
T-
MERRIC KICKS OUT!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD took the only route he could out!
Both men rush to their feet but the eagle-eyed viewer spots that NOMAD’s leg is causing him some difficulty matching the speed of the Champion. Shaking it off, NOMAD LUNGES FORWARD WITH A BIG BOOT….IT’S DUCKED….MERRIC GRABS THE ARM….CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!!!
Steve Morrison: CONTRACT FULFILLED!!!!
The Champion drops down to make the cover….NOMAD ROLLS OUT OF THE RING TO THE OUTSIDE!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD using big-brain tactics to remain in this!
Aiden shoots a put-out look towards the Challenger as he looks to the outside. Rolling out of the ring, he joins his opponent on the outside.
Steve Morrison: But this match now going to the outside means all bets are off for what we might see!
NOMAD is conscious but flat out on his back on the protective mats that surround the ring. Aiden twists the laces of his boot into his forehead before picking him up. POP-UP FLAPJACK ONTO THE APRON!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD’S RIBS BOUNCED OFF THE EDGE OF THE RING!
Prone on the side of the ring, NOMAD’S BLINDSIDED BY A RUNNING KNEE LIFT TO THE FACE THAT SHOOTS HIM UP AND STAGGERS INTO THE STEPS!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD doesn’t know if he’s coming or going!
The first-ever Australian Champion on the Network throws a stiff-looking forearm to the face of his opponent as a precursor to lifting him up for an atomic drop. NO, he tucks the knee in…DROPPING NOMAD DOWN ONTO THE STEPS, HIS INJURED LEG ABSORBING THE BRUNT OF THE IMPACT!!
Cross Recoba: : Merric honing in on the knee like he’s tracking a wounded deer!
Merric scoops the challenger onto his shoulder…BODY SLAM ONTO THE STEEL SECURITY RAILING!!
Steve Morrison: Merric leans into the more sadistic parts of his nature!
Cross Recoba: : It’s the only way to survive in matches like these…
NOMAD lies prone atop the railing, powerless to stop Merric from shoving him over into the crowd, climbing over the railing himself to keep on the offensive.
Steve Morrison: Did the fans sign disclaimers?
Cross Recoba: : It’s an XHF event, sitting in the front-row and not expecting this is like turning a free waterproof down at SeaWorld!
Quinn rolls out of the ring and follows them into the crowd.
Steve Morrison: “Big” John now going for danger pay!
Using the hair once more, Merric pulls NOMAD along the front-row of the audience, each member only too obliging to stay the hell out of their way.
Steve Morrison: They know what’s coming and it doesn’t look good!
Grabbing a cup from a crowd-member, Merric throws the contents into the face of NOMAD!! The Challenger recoils slightly as he reaches for his face allowing Merric to reach into his hair and retrieve something. A quick hand-movement sees something go towards NOMAD’s face before dropping to the floor! Merric quickly kicks it under the chair as the camera sees blood drip down the cheek of Sloane!!
Steve Morrison: HE SLASHED HIM!
Cross Recoba: : With what?
Steve Morrison: What did he cut him with and kick under the seat?
Cross Recoba: : A knife? At an XHF Event? How 2021!
The XHF camera crew miss nothing, zooming in on a small flick-knife that sits waiting to be found by no-one in particular.
Steve Morrison: MERRIC SNUCK WEAPONS IN AGAIN!
Reaching to his face, NOMAD feels the trickling blood. Merric takes advantage and whips NOMAD SENDING HIM CRASHING INTO THE SEATS!!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD taking the full brunt of that!
Leading with a kick to the face, Merric then once again grabs the hair of NOMAD and pulls him into the aisle, climbing the stairs as he does so.
Cross Recoba: : The Champion wants to end it and soon! You have to wonder just what might end this match though!
Reaching halfway up the section, Merric delivers yet another stomach-turning headbutt to NOMAD and hooks a waistlock. The cameras zoom in to show the sadistic look now on Merric’s face.
Steve Morrison: NO!
Cross Recoba: : YES!
HE LIFTS FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX!!! NOMAD PLANTS HIS FEET AND BENDS DOWN TO TRY AND BLOCK THE MOVE!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD’S WISE TO IT!
ANOTHER GERMAN ATTEMPT BUT NOMAD IS DETERMINED NOT TO END UP ON THE CONCRETE!!!
Cross Recoba: : This is self-preservation 101…
MERRIC TRIES BUT NOMAD THROWS HIS HEAD BACK TO CONNECT WITH THE SKULL OF THE CHAMPION!!!!
Steve Morrison: HUGE CONNECTION!
FREE FROM THE WAISTLOCK, NOMAD IS QUICK TO ACT - SPINNING URANAGE ONTO THE UNFORGIVING SEATS!!!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD keeps himself in it! If that German had landed, it was game over!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Merric holds his back as the fans give him ample room, as much for their safety as it is their concern for the Tap Out Openweight Champion.
Steve Morrison: The fans in this section taking cues from the front-row!
NOMAD isn’t one of those people, he lifts Merric to his feet and drives down his fist into the head of Merric! ANOTHER ONE LANDS TRUE!!! A THIRD!!
Cross Recoba: : Once more attacking the orbital bone of Merric!
Blood starts to seep down the Champion’s face.
Steve Morrison: HE’S BUSTED OPEN!!
The Challenger pulls Aiden into the aisle and lifts him……BACKDROP DRIVER ONTO THE CONCRETE STEPS!!!!
Steve Morrison: HOLY STEVE WILLIAMS!!!!
Crowd: THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK!
Looking down at his opponent with disdain, NOMAD casually uses his foot to roll Merric to the bottom of the steps!
Cross Recoba: : He could make the cover and win this now, guaranteed!
Crowd: OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN!
Zooming in on Merric, we see the blood that stemmed from above his eyebrow now has formed the beginnings of a Crimson Mask.
Steve Morrison: Blood dripping down the face of Merric in any which direction!
Cross Recoba: : This match is a self-contained ‘Don’t try this at home, kids’ warning!
Casually descending the steps, NOMAD can only smile as he sees the now reddened face of the Champion.
Steve Morrison: How can you condone this? How does NOMAD say he wants to be the wrestler that Tap Out deserves as their Champion and then deliver a bloodbath like this?
Cross Recoba: : Laid, plans, mice, best, men…put those in a sentence and you’ll get the answer.
Reaching his destination, Sloane picks up Merric by the now matted Mullet.
Steve Morrison: Blood is pouring from that wound!
MERRIC ANSWERS WITH A WILD LOOKING HAYMAKER!!!! SNAKE EYES ONTO THE GUARD RAIL!!!
Cross Recoba: : But Aiden fights on, even if it’s only on instinct!
Using the precious seconds to recover, Merric slowly gets back to his feet and reaches for the back of his neck. NOMAD uses the guardrail to get back to a vertical base.
Steve Morrison: It’s hard to say which man is on top right now.
Aiden shoots a quick look around and a spark flies in his eyes as he spies his next move. NOMAD makes a beeline for him BUT MERRIC GRABS A SECURITY GUARD AND THROWS HIM AT NOMAD WHO CATCHES HIM OUT OF INSTINCT!!!!
Steve Morrison: MERRIC GETS THE SECURITY TEAM INVOLVED!
Cross Recoba: : Whatever comes to hand, Steve!
SUPERMAN PUNCH CONNECTS!!!!
Steve Morrison: AUSSIE RULES!!!!!!!!!!
Merric reaches down and picks up NOMAD, throwing him over the guardrail to the ringside area.
Cross Recoba: : We might be reaching the climax of the match!
Aiden climbs back over and leans against the railings, his face now covered in the metallic red of his own blood.
Steve Morrison: Merric’s face now a ghoulish mix of blood, sweat, and anger!
Quinn gets security to open a gate to let him back to the same area as the two fighters take in deep breaths to try and get a second or third wind going.
Cross Recoba: : Both men now beginning to realize that one good slam, suplex, or driver is all that stands between them and the belt that’s just feet away.
It’s Merric who reacts first. He grabs the arm of the challenger and whips him…NO! HE BRINGS HIM BACK…URANAGE BACKBREAKER!!! HAYMAKER!!!
Steve Morrison: TRAP TRICK!!
MERRIC KEEPS HOLD OF NOMAD….URANAGE SLAM ONTO THE SIDE OF THE RING!!!
Cross Recoba: ; PAYBACK!
The Champion rolls NOMAD into the ring and quickly follows. Quinn scrambling to the adjacent side of the ring to get back in.
Steve Morrison: HE’S LOOKING FOR THE FINISH!!
Reaching down, Merric forces NOMAD back to his feet and grabs an arm….CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!
Crowd: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIAAAAAATTOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: CONTRACT FULFILLED ONCE MORE!!!!!!
He hooks the leg!!
ONE!!!!!
TWO!!!!
THREE!!!
The crowd let out a cheer but it’s hushed as they await the break.
Cross Recoba: : If this is it, Merric saw his chance and took it. No splitting hairs, it was the mark of a Champion!
Steve Morrison: We’re not there yet…
Merric gets to his feet to try and use the thirty-second break to recover as best he can.
Steve Morrison: Has he fired his last shot though? If NOMAD gets up, what more can Aiden do?
NOMAD remains stone cold still as we see the XHF Medics in the background awaiting the need for their services. The cut on NOMAD’s cheek beginning to clot as we see a two-inch gash where the knife of Merric connected.
Cross Recoba: : He’ll be hoping he doesn’t need to find out…
Laura Messier: THE THIRTY-SECOND PERIOD HAS ENDED!!
Quinn is in place to make the count.
ONE!!!!
TWO!!!!
THREE!!!
Steve Morrison: You can hear the Merric sections of the crowd getting more excited with every count!
FOUR!!!!
FIVE!!!
SIX!!!
SEVEN!!!
NOMAD rolls over to his knees, his head resting on the mat.
Cross Recoba: : But will he be deemed able to answer the count?
EIGHT!!
THE VIOLENT WANDERER GETS TO HIS FEET BUT HE’S STILL NOT CLEAR!
Steve Morrison: Did he stagger?
NIN-
QUINN WAVES FOR THE MATCH TO CONTINUE!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOT BY QUINN’S JUDGEMENT!!
Mirroring the occasion earlier in the match, MERRIC SPRINTS TOWARDS HIS OPPONENT…SPINNING BACKFIST FROM HELL LANDS FLUSH ON THE CUT ON NOMAD’S CHEEK!
Steve Morrison: NOR’EASTER!!!!!!
Merric again makes the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT FROM NOMAD!!!
Cross Recoba: : Did he get it flush? Did he get the rotation right? He’ll be asking himself those questions later if he doesn’t take the title back home with him!
The Challenger, acting on instinct, scrambles to his feet but Merric reacts as quickly and follows in with a lifting knee to the gut of NOMAD to send him through the ropes!
Steve Morrison: This match may descend into carnage once more!
Climbing to the apron, Merric reaches down and places the head of NOMAD between his legs…
Cross Recoba: : We’ve heard about the Thunder from Down Under!
Steve Morrison: If he hits that Package Piledriver, we could be seeing the Champion retain!
NOMAD LIFTS HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER….KRYPTONITE KRUNCH ONTO THE APRON!!!!
Cross Recoba: : HUGE REVERSAL!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
The Challenger uses his feet to roll Merric into the ring and waits patiently.
Steve Morrison: What could he be planning??
NOMAD LEAPS…..SPRINGBOARD EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!!!
Cross Recoba: : Caught him under the chin!!
The smile returned on his face, Sloane hooks an arm over his shoulder and uses it to bring Merric back to his feet. He lifts…GOURDBUSTER OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Steve Morrison: Merric’s helpless….
Hanging precariously, Merric is prone AND NOMAD MAKES GOOD USE OF IT AS HE STORMS IN WITH A RUNNING BIG BOOT!!!
Cross Recoba: : He aimed THROUGH the head of Merric!
The Merric chants now stopped, it’s NOMAD’s crowd for the time being.
Crowd: NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS!
Sloane laughs at the crowd as he once more hooks a suplex lift to get Merric where he wants him….HE LIFTS….KNEECAP BRAINBUSTER!!!
Steve Morrison: NIHILUS FIVE!!!!!!!
NOMAD drops for the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
THR-
MERRIC WEAKLY ROLLS A SHOULDER FREE!!
Steve Morrison: MERRIC HANGS IN THERE!!!
Rising, NOMAD doesn’t miss the opportunity to drop a knee into the shoulder of Merric before using his mullet to force him up. He grabs the Champion’s arm, Armbreaker! He keeps hold of it…Short-arm Atomic Drop! No time to recover before Sloane fires off a European Uppercut! And another! And a third to drive Merric into the corner!
Cross Recoba: : I think the Champ’s still rocked from the brainbuster!
With a visible grimace as he does so, NOMAD lifts Merric to the top turnbuckle with an Atomic Lift…He climbs to the top-rope and hooks a Full-Nelson…
Steve Morrison: OH NO…
Cross Recoba: : WHATEVER. IT. TAKES!
HE LEAPS….FULL-NELSON NECKBREAKER FROM THE TOP!!!
Steve Morrison: SUPER LEDBETTER NECKBREAKER !!!!!
Again, Merric covers…
ONE…
TWO…
THRE-
MERRIC SOMEHOW GETS A SHOULDER UP!!
Steve Morrison: Aiden has more lives than a cat!
Cross Recoba: : He’s putting it all on the line tonight!
The Challenger shoots a glare of pure hatred towards “Big” John Quinn to clearly question the speed of the count. He changes tact quickly as he spies Merric rolling over to his knees…A QUICK PUNT SWEEPS THE ARM OUT! SLOANE GRABS THE OTHER ARM…FUJIWARA ARMBAR!!!
Cross Recoba: : Tactical move from NOMAD! He takes away the arm, that’s the Lariat threats of the Champion removed!
Merric looks in agony as NOMAD makes those few extra pounds and the extra inch in height work for him as much as he can as he bears down on the hold.
Steve Morrison: He’s working the torque for all it’s worth!
Aiden tries to reach for the ropes but with no DQs he realizes it wouldn’t immediately break the hold. He pushes up but finds NOMAD’s weight pushing him down.
Steve Morrison: Merric is in danger!
NOMAD pushes with his feet to get more leverage on the hold…MERRIC ROLLS HIM OVER WITH IT!! BOTH MEN RUSH TO THEIR FEET…URANAGE BACKBREAKER FROM MERRIC….NO!!! NOMAD SPINS AROUND WITH IT…EXPLODER SUPLEX INTO THE CORNER!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD OUTPLAYED AIDEN THERE!
Aiden, almost certainly instinctively, scrambles to his feet but NOMAD is sprinting in…MERRIC AVOIDS THE BIG BOOT AND SLOANE’S DAMAGED LEG CONNECTS WITH THE RING POST!!!
Steve Morrison: HUBRIS! NOMAD COUNTED OUT MERRIC PREMATURELY!!
Merric pulls Sloane backwards before THROWING HIS HEAD INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!!
Cross Recoba: : What can he do from here though…
Aiden struggles but lifts the Challenger onto the top turnbuckle and climbs to the second.
Steve Morrison: Could we be seeing a Superplex. Could this end the match?
Cross Recoba: : Tell me you’re a Barry Windham fan without telling me you’re a Barry Windham fan…
SUPERPLEX…NO….BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: WHAT THE-
Cross Recoba: : DROPPED SKULL FIRST ONTO THE RING POST!!!!!
Collapsing to the mat, Merric can’t take immediate advantage from the move. NOMAD looks to be unconscious.
Steve Morrison: That might well be the most vicious move we’ve seen all night!
Cross Recoba: : But still not the most painful, that’s choosing to watch any Dana Daniels match!
Again, Quinn looks to Recoba at ringside but receives the same shake of the head as he did before.
Cross Recoba: : No draws, not at Supremacy and not in my match!
Aiden slowly crawls over to his opponent to make the pin. He drapes an arm over the Challenger.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE-NO!!
NOMAD ROLLS OUT!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD CLINGS ON!!
Aiden knows he could have had him if he wasn’t so banged up from the match.
Cross Recoba: : That’s the knowledge that he could have won there and then but you can’t let it eat at you!
Sloane reaches out and rolls over to grab the ropes and start to make his way to his feet. Before he pushes up he looks over his shoulder to get a position on Merric and sees he has time to claw himself up to his feet.
Steve Morrison: Quick check from the Challenger…
MERRIC COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND GRABS HIS HEAD…HAIRPULL BACKBREAKER!!! AIDEN LIFTS HIM BACK UP AND PUSHES HIM TO THE ROPES…ROLLING KNEEBAR!!!
Steve Morrison: GORDON WITH THE ASSIST INTO THE SNARE!!
Working the knee as best he can, Merric tries to fashion the hold into the textbook example but NOMAD fights him all the way.
Cross Recoba: : Merric has shown great tactical awareness tonight, going for the leg once more and looking to take away the threat of those explosive power moves!
Using his six or so years in the ring, Aiden manages to sink the hold in but NOMAD has other ideas.
Steve Morrison: Sloane’s looking to move…
The Challenger reaches up and grabs the middle rope to get some form of leverage…HE THRUSTS HIS BOOT INTO THE FACE OF THE CHAMPION TO RELEASE THE HOLD!
Cross Recoba: : Not in any textbook escape but still as effective!!
Merric rolls over to his knees, holding his face. He looks to reach down but NOMAD staggers over to him and lifts him up. AIDEN THROWS HANDS!!! It’s now NOMAD’s turn to stagger back.
Steve Morrison: Did he catch him flush?
Cross Recoba: : Had to have done!
Merric forces himself to his feet and takes a millisecond to adjust his footing…SUPERMAN PUNCH!!
Steve Morrison: AUSSIE RULES CONNECTS BUT WHAT WAS THAT FLASH AS HE MOVED?
Cross Recoba: : Minnesotans probably still use flashbulb photography. I heard two of them talking about this new music movement called disco earlier today!
NOMAD DROPS TO THE MAT LIKE HE’S BEEN SHOT AS BLOOD CAN BE SEEN EXPLODING INTO THE AIR!!
Steve Morrison: NOW NOMAD’S BUSTED OPEN!!!
Aiden covers…
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!!!
Weakly rolling off his opponent we see that Merric’s right-hand sports a set of Brass Knuckles.
Steve Morrison: I TOLD YOU!
Cross Recoba: : It’s no disqualification, Merric has those on him in normal matches!!
The cameras hone in on NOMAD whose bloody cheek is now small fry compared to the clear and wide gash that adorns his forehead. His face quickly matching that of the Champion’s.
Steve Morrison: Blood now pouring onto the mat from both men. The canvas was off-white before this match but now is closer to reddish-pink!
Cross Recoba: : They can pull it off…
Steve Morrison: But this match could well be over, NOMAD just ate a Brass-Knuckle-sponsored Superman Punch!
Once more, the medics hover in the background as the ringside photographers’ flashes light up the backdrop.
Steve Morrison: Fans, the XHF Medical Team have been on hand since this match began. Clearly having been briefed about the danger.
Laura Messier: THIRTY-SECONDSHAVE ELAPSED!!
Cross Recoba: : Merric’s ten seconds away from taking home the title in his second defense in as many months!
The crowd roar as “Big” John Quinn starts the count for the third time..
ONE!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!
Steve Morrison: Once again, the Merric fans can barely hide their excitement…
FOUR!!
FIVE!!
SIX!!
Cross Recoba: : Just four short seconds from victory…
SEVEN!!
NOMAD SITS UP AND FEELS HIS HEAD!
Steve Morrison: He can taste the metallic tang of the blood!
Cross Recoba: : But can he stand on his own two feet?
EIGHT!
THE CHALLENGER ROLLS TO HIS FEET!! QUINN IS QUICK TO ASSESS HIM.
Steve Morrison: Will he get the thumbs up?
NINE!!
NOMAD GETS THE OKAY TO CONTINUE!!
Cross Recoba: : Merric needs a Plan C!
The two men rush to meet each other in the center!
Steve Morrison: WE’RE BACK ON!!
NOMAD connects with a chop!
Merric replies!
ANOTHER CHOP FROM THE CHALLENGER!
THE CHAMPION THROWS ANOTHER!
Cross Recoba: : No quarter given on either side!
AND ANOTHER FROM THE AUSTRALIAN!
HE THROWS AN OVERHAND RIGHT….NOMAD CATCHES IT!!!
Steve Morrison: What now?
THE CHALLENGER WRENCHES THE CHAMPION TOWARDS HIM…
Cross Recoba: : This can’t be good…
POP-UP…….LARIATO!!!!
Steve Morrison: ANTI-AIR LARIAT!!!
NOMAD looks for the quick cover…
ONE…
TWO…
THRE-
MERRIC KICKS OUT BUT ONLY JUST!
Steve Morrison: Weak kick-out but a kick-out nonetheless!
He breathes heavily as NOMAD looks down on him and plans his next attack.
Cross Recoba: : Merric isn’t going to get much time to muster more strength…
Lifting the Champion up, NOMAD lays another headbutt on the Australian and grabs his arm…POP-UP…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!
Steve Morrison: HATRED FROM DEATH VALLEY!!!
Rolling the Champion through weakly, NOMAD tucks the head of Merric between his legs. He lifts…and sets him down, holding his leg.
Steve Morrison: Can he get it?
Cross Recoba: : The legwork earlier paying off now for Merric!!
With a roar, NOMAD lifts up the Champion….KNEELING POWERBOMB!!
Steve Morrison: CRUMBLING TOWER!
Cross Recoba: : He didn’t look to get all of it!
Taking a moment to reach for his knee, NOMAD makes the cover….
Steve Morrison: That knee now giving Sloane issues!
ONE…
TWO…
T-
THE CROWD ROARS WITH SURPRISE AS MERRIC MANAGES TO KICK OUT WITH TIME TO SPARE!!!
Cross Recoba: : There’s a school of thought that says eating the three-count on that move would have been smarter. Thirty-nine seconds or so to recover your strength…
Steve Morrison: But Merric wouldn’t do that because-
Cross Recoba: : Pride…
NOMAD can scarcely believe it himself. He hooks a leg and arm and rolls to his feet in a Fireman’s Carry…HIS LEG BUCKLES!!!
Steve Morrison: Once more, NOMAD has issues with the lift!
Cross Recoba: : That’s what Aiden’s impressed me with tonight, the foresight in the gameplan. It gets to this stage and-
NOMAD RECOVERS…..FLOWSION!!!
Steve Morrison: MALACHOR!!!
The Violent Wanderer rolls on the mat holding his knee, the lift exacerbating the damage done by the post and Merric’s focus on it. He claws his way to Merric and drapes an arm…
ONE…
TWO….
THRE-
A SHOULDER BARELY LEAVES THE MAT BUT IT’S ENOUGH FOR QUINN TO STOP THE COUNT! The Match Official throws up two fingers in the air and shows them to the crowd and audience at home alike.
Steve Morrison: Aiden hangs on again!!!
Cross Recoba: : This might be the most spirited defense a Tap Out Champion has made. He just needs to retain and we’re already talking comeback of the year in January!
A pained expression is carved onto the face of the Challenger as he looks to the skies as if to ask what more can he do.
Steve Morrison: Is Sloane growing frustrated?
Cross Recoba: : He can’t afford to, if he gets frustrated he’ll get impatient and make mistakes!
Merric slowly gets to his feet, his arm buckling as he puts pressure on his arm but it too is damaged like his opponent’s leg.
Steve Morrison: Merric’s arm not looking at full-strength.
Cross Recoba: : The Fujiwara Armbar doing tis job…
Aiden leans over the ropes and looks into the crowd for inspiration, hope or anything that can turn the match back in his favor.
Steve Morrison: How can he turn this around?
Cross Recoba: : In matches like this, it’s in the blink of an eye….
The Tap Out Openweight Champion turns around…NOMAD CHARGES HIM WITH A BIG BOOT…IT’S DUCKED!!!!!! Merric gets the waistlock and wrist control.
Steve Morrison: HE HAS WRIST CONTROL!!
The crowd in the XHF Arena grow in noise as the big screens show what the viewers at home already know.
Cross Recoba: : This is it!
MERRIC PULLS THE CORD!!!! RIPCORD LARIAT!!!!
Steve Morrison: TARGET NEUTRALIZED!!!!!!!!
Aiden falls forward into the cover…
ONE….
Crowd: ONE!
TWO…
Crowd: TWO!!!
THRE-
Crowd: THREE!!
NO!!!!!!! NOMAD GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES AT THE LAST!!!
Steve Morrison: HOW IN THE WORLD!!!!!
Cross Recoba: : I DON’T BELIEVE IT!
Aiden stands up, believing the thirty-second break to begin but Quinn tells him otherwise. It takes Aiden a moment to process the news. He turns around …DUCKING THE INCOMING LARIAT….HE SETS HIMSELF…SUPERMAN PUNC—NO!!!!! NOMAD THROWS A HUGE JUMPING KNEE!!!
Steve Morrison: AUSSIE RULES INTERRUPTED BY NIHILUS TWO!!!!
Reaching down, NOMAD once more places the Champion between his legs and lifts…
Cross Recoba: : Can that leg hold up?
The Challenger staggers back but recovers himself….DROPPING THE CHAMPION INTO AN OVER THE SHOULDER SPIKE PILEDRIVER!!!!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: SCORCHED EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOMAD limply leans back to cover…
ONE…
TWO….
THREE!!!!
The crowd noise is muted as they wait for the thirty-seconds to pass.
Steve Morrison: We’re just thirty or so seconds from a new Champion!
Cross Recoba: : Merric has eaten everything tonight. It’s on a knife-edge as to whether he’ll suck this one up or it’s the final nail in the coffin for him.
Laying in the center of the ring, Merric remains still. NOMAD himself isn’t much more mobile than that, taking in deep breaths of air on his back as he turns his head to see the blood-stained canvas.
Steve Morrison: Both men are running on fumes at best!
Crowd: LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO!
Laura Messier: THE THIRTY-SECOND WINDOW HAS ENDED!!!
Cross Recoba: : Crunch time…
“Big” John Quinn stands over the Champion as he makes the count…
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!
FOUR!!!!!
FIVE!!!!!!!!
Merric is yet to move but his eyes open.
Steve Morrison: The Australian now in the most important few seconds of his career…
SIX!!!!!
SEVEN!!!!!
EIGHT!!!!
AIDEN FORCES HIMSELF TO HIS KNEES!!!
Steve Morrison: THE ROOF JUST CAME OFF THIS PLACE!!
NINE!!!
HE STANDS UP BUT STAGGERS BACKWARDS INTO THE ROPES!!!
Cross Recoba: : NO!
TEN!!!!
QUINN CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!
Steve Morrison: I’M SPEECHLESS….
THE CROWD HAVE BECOME SILENT!!!!
Laura Messier: The winner of the match, due to TKO, ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW TAP OUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPION….THE VIOLENT WANDERER….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMAAAAADDDD!!!
“Rotten Apple” by Alice in Chains plays as NOMAD uses the ropes to push up from the seated position he’d taken up to witness the changing of the guard. He staggers back as he puts pressure on the knee but “Big” John Quinn is there to steady him. He raises his arm and gives him the belt whilst the new Champion processes what’s just happened.
Steve Morrison: This changes EVERYTHING for our next show!
Cross Recoba: : Will Merric even be cleared?
Steve Morrison: He went down fighting and you’d be hard pushed to find anyone on the Network, let alone on our roster, who’d have done much different…
Cross Recoba: : The fight now is to prove you can win it back…
The XHF Medical Team surrounds the fallen Champion as he comes to and realizes what just transpired.
Hawke: Ladies and gents, it is now time for our main event of the evening. As you have seen, the Annihilation Complex’s three cages have been suspended above the ring area all night. And as soon as all nine competitors hit the ring they will be lowered into place.
Bonnie Jenkins: XHF NETWORK FANS! It is time for the main event. This match is an Annihilation Complex match and is for the XHF X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP! The first wrestler to score a pinfall or submission in the ring will be declared the winner.
The slow beginning to ‘Styles Clash’ plays through the P.A. System in the arena as the house lights flash down onto the stage once the beat kicks in and onto the entrance curtain as the crowd awaits the arrival of James Raymond and raining down the mixture of cheers and boos from every inch of the arena. The figure of James slowly passes through the curtain from Gorilla Position as he looks around the arena. The half-mask worn around his head doesn’t give James the advantage of expressing himself, but from the way he’s looking around the arena and soaking in the crowd’s negative reaction, his nods are in approval of how the crowd feels about him. James begins his walk to the ring, the spotlights following him down the ramp as he ignores those who reach out for him, even going as far as kicking the barricade that holds the fans back as he passes by. The Coventry native makes his way to ringside and walks around the ring until he’s leapt onto the ring apron where the hard cam faces, from there he begins to unwrap the mask from behind his head, pulling away at the final knot as the ring announcer begins his introduction.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first … representing JROK and wrestling out of Coventry City, England though residing in Shibuya City, Japan and weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty-seven pounds… THE BROKEN CROWN ... JAMES RAYMOND!
Upon hearing his name being announced, James pulls the mask away from his head and reveals the bottom half of facial features to the hard camera that points right down at him, finally getting a good look at his cocky grin rubbed all over his face before he passes through the ropes and enters the ring, looking around the arena with that same shit-eating smug look on his face as he slips free from his ring jacket and places it down in his corner, ready for the match to begin / ready for his opponent to enter the arena.
Randy: My fellow JROK bro! I may not always like him, depends on how much of my favorite drink I’ve had, but he is gonna bring the crown back so I can win it!
Hawke: He is an XHF veteran at this point, having been in the global tag division and in the Network dating back to AXW.
Randy: Speaking of AXW … an old war is about to reignite…
The opening thumping riff of “Don’t Tread on Me” by Metallica begins to echo around the arena. The fans erupt in cheers for their favorite ne’er-do-well and former President. A hush falls however as Esmerelda Kanyon wheels out the former X*Crown champion and president of violence in his wheelchair. Kanyon IS dressed in his usual wrestling attire, though with green highlights and “SA” on both thighs. He has his head down … his loving wife kisses him on the cheek as Raymond points and laughs at his former foe. Suddenly Esmerelda returns holding the Mjolnir sledgehammer than Curtis is prone to using. He grasps it in his hand and looks at it. He whispers something to the hammer as his wife backs up. He raises it to his face height and a sickening smirk crosses those wizened lips. He roars as he thrusts the hammer into the air and from nowhere, a lightning storm crashes down onto the head of the hammer. Sparks fly and smoke billows. When the lightning subsides … there … STANDS … Curtis Kanyon. His wheelchair lies next to him, engulfed in flames and smoking up a storm. He laughs and yells out, “TONIGHT … IS FOR STEVE!” and storms to the ring twirling his hammer between his hands like a mad man.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering second, representing GUNS and wrestling out of Washington D.C., he stands at 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighs in tonight at 270 pounds. He is the former President … the original BANG bro … CURTIS D. KANYON!
Curtis then climbs into the ring and goes to the turnbuckles. He climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!" He jumps down and gives his hammer to the ref, ready for action!
Hawke: Curtis and James Raymond have had a storied history.
Randy: Yeah but James has had Kanyon’s number previously. It’s his one major bugaboo! *sips sake*
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while glaring at Curtis Kanyon.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering next, representing CAR, she comes to us by way of Raleigh, North Carolina. She stands at 6 feet even and weighed in today at 200 pounds. She is one half of the longest reigning XHF Global Tag Team Champions … MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!
Randy: Why does everyone have beef with the president? Is it politics? Did he put a tax on reading? I bet he put a tax on reading …
Hawke: I’m thinking it was the extended feud the BANG Hermanos/Bros had with Top of the Class in Fireside over those tag titles. And they got some measure of revenge by defeating the Bang Bros during their title reign.
As the slow, creeping sounds of Heilung start to play the lights around the entrance dim down to bare visibility. The drums of the song beat, as small glimpses of a rainstorm can be seen on screen. The stage itself begins to billow out a thick fog, a cold mist curling its way along the platform and down the ramp. Quickly, the stage itself is engulfed in the fog, as much of the ramp is also. A small light shines its weak glow from the entrance, shining against the figure of a man. His silhouette, huge in size against the soft light now moves as he does, down the ramp and through the curtain of mist. He emerges towards the end of the ramp, his form now fully visible… Ozymandias.
Bonnie Jenkins: And entering next, representing SCCW. He is one half of the SCCW Double Down Champions, The Immortals! He comes to us from Old Harbour, Alaska by way of Reine, Norway. He stands at a monstrous 6 feet 7 inches and weighs in at a titanic 357 pounds. He is the Butcher of Reine … OZYMANDIAS!
He pauses before the ring, staring into the squared-cage before slowly removing his jacket and placing it under the apron. He stands upright, cracks his neck in both directions then power-squats onto the apron, before entering through the ropes.
Hawke: We knew precious little about the man known as the Butcher of Reine until the promotional run-up to this event. Now we know he frightened the SCCW beat reporter into silent insanity …
Randy: And this is why it’s safer to work for Kira and Nausicaa than Aleister!
Hawke: … The burnt remains of the center of Tokyo would disagree …
Randy: DYLAN DID IT! … He’s not here right? *guzzles a 64oz soda machine cup full of concessions beer*
The fade eases to a stop, turning teal green and bathing the audience and ring in an eerie gloom
The bass gliiiides, the drums hit and Random McConalogue appears, a large towel tied to her wrist, shoulders lightly swaying as she walks. Serene and calm, she casually strolls, shoulders lightly oscillating in a slow sync. Her body is calm and relaxed, like a moonlight walk in the park, but her gaze is fixed, staring at the empty ring/her opposition1 with snake eyes. She's never in a hurry, she doesn't need to be.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing TAPOUT, she hails from Glasgow, Scotland. Standing at 5 feet and 9 inches, weighing in tonight at 143 pounds … she is ”Mostly Harmful” … RANDOM McCONALOGUE!
Randy: The resident dice lady here to make my brain hurt. I tried to listen to her speak and between the brogue and the math, especially the math … I went through ten youtube videos trying to learn what she meant! Then I forgot it all when the beer wore off overnight.
Hawke: … How do you function?
Randy: Not well, Joey. Not well.
Hawke: Regardless, Random here will be looking to pull another big upset or maybe another flash finish to claim the X*Crown for Tapout.
Evil green mist bellows out of the ring entrance as a woman screams and Psychotic Goth laughing maniacally as "Welcome To Your Death" by Annihilator plays and Vampira leads Psychotic Goth to ringside in chains while holding Psychotic Goth's homemade weapon. He ignores the ringsiders and stops at the ring for Vampira to unlock the chains and Psychotic Goth rubs his wrists hard as he climbs the ringsteps and enters the ring and stands in his corner. He slowly takes off his trenchcoat and jewelry before he lowers his head and raises his arms before throwing his head back revealing his pale handsome gothlike looks looking and snarling like a demonic maniac crazed and intimidating as he is given his homemade weapon and he caresses it before placing it in his corner for Vampira to hold until it's time for Psychotic Goth to use it.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing Wrestle: UK, he hails from the Depths of Hell … apparently … he stands at 6 feet and 5 inches tall and weighed in today at 235 pounds. He is PSYCHOTIC GOTH!
Hawke: Goth makes a new homemade weapon, tailor-made for every match he is in. And tonight it’s legal to use it.
Randy: It’s enough to drive you to drink! *gulps a shot of schnapps.*
Hawke: … Existing drives you to drink.
Randy: HERE HERE! *gulps a shot of absinthe and cringes*
“Alexandrian Ricochet Sphere” by Truxton hits the speakers as the fans erupt. The Furminator makes his way onto the ramp. He looks around and gives UwU eyes to the cheering fans before charging down the ramp. ARM815H1 MK.69 leaps into the ring with one huge pounce. He lands in the center and begins to scout his opposition.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing the dearly departed Dinosaur Bones, they comes to us from … uh … UwUniverse Station … on Mars … They stand at 6 feet 6 inches and weigh in at 300 pounds of metal and lust … The Furminator … ARMBISHI MARK 69! … what? Well I can’t speak robot language so I read it phonetically!
Randy: So uh … killer robots. Should we contact the trons again? Last time this happened Dylan almost got violated by a mecha-bear.
Hawke: I think the violating is a program design on this one …
Randy: Well they have a sizable fan following here tonight … actually a lot of overlap between the CARnies and furries … huh …
Thunder crashes before the song starts, the lights turning dim like torchlight. “Valhalla Calling Me” by Miracle of Sound begins to echo around the XHF HQ Arena. Andrej walks out as the singing starts, his footfalls timed perfectly to the drums. He's smiling, but gets more serious as he looks towards the ring and his foe if they are there. He turns his smile to any fans that are cheering him from the aisle, giving thumbs up and high fives to any kids he sees. When he gets to ringside he looks toward it as the camera pans around him and captures his thickly muscled form. He jumps up to the ring ropes, slipping into the ring between them before doing this gesture passed down his family line to honor the Raven watching over them. He moves to his corner, letting another smile crack across his face as he gets excited for the brawl that's about to begin.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing the Diamond Training Facility. He comes to us from … I uh … I can’t read this … uh … from the Diamond Training Facility! … Nailed it, Bon. He stands at 5 feet 9 inches and weighs in at a stout 300 pounds. The Modern Day Berserker … ANDREJ VON GRAPPLE!
Randy: Whoa, a real life Viking!
Hawke: He is the man that Jack Diamond decided to put forth as the student worthy of taking this title. And he is surely an impressive specimen.
Randy: I RAISE MY HORN TO THEE! *sips mead from a drinking horn*
Hawke: Where do you get all this stuff-
Randy: Joey … I stabbed the horn into my leg. Let’s just move on.
“Miami Disco (metal cover)” by Alex Yarmak blares over the speakers. Kilroy Evans steps onto the stage with the version of the X*Crown championship around his waist. He walks to the ring at a relaxed pace, taking time to talk to the fans, have a laugh with them, and point out signs he finds particularly funny. It's clear as he enters that Kilroy is intent on enjoying every part of the match, start to finish. Once he's in the ring, he's still all smiles, but is completely focused on the five men, two women, and one robot here to take his newly won X*Crown title. Kilroy locks eyes on them barely blinking as he stares at them. He raises his title belt high over his head and the crowd cheers.
Bonnie Jenkins: And finally. Representing Hardkore World, and hailing from Attbury, South Carolina. He stands at 5 feet and 11 inches and weighed in this afternoon at 245 pounds. He is your reigning and defending XHF X*Crown Champion. He is … KILROY EVANS!
Hawke: And here he is, the man who took two titles from Cross Recoba. Doing what Bloodied Fox and Death Trap could not.
Randy: You have to wonder if being around Marty Donovan and his Disney antics means he has some experience with killer robots.
Hawke: Maybe animatronics … Regardless he is another person in this match who thrives on violence and blood.
Randy: Yes the relatively laid back ARM815H1 MK.69-
Hawke: How the hell did you pronounce numbers correctly-
Randy: The more well-rounded James Raymond, and the more technical focused Mistress and Random will surely have their work cut out for them.
XHF X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Annihilation Complex Match
James Raymond (JROK) vs. Curtis D. Kanyon (GUNS) vs. Mistress Discipline (CAR) vs. Ozymandias (SCCW) vs. Random McConalogue (Tapout) vs. Psychotic Goth (WUK) vs. ARM815H1 MK.69 (DB) vs. Andrej von Grapple (DTF) vs. Kilroy Evans (HKW)©
Kilroy marches to the middle of the ring and begins to tell everyone else that he expects a proper match. With fighting, and blood, and violence. None of this mamby pamby space pod or golf stuff. Referee Sophia Vasquez has drawn the main event assignment and she quickly ushers him away so she can get this shit started. She signals to the timekeeper who presses a button and all three cages descend to the proper location. They are quickly locked into place. There are no doors to the outside … only the doors between cells, which remain unlocked.
Randy: And here we go! Good luck in there Sophia! We’ll grab some tequila later.
She calls for the bell and we are underway! The eight challengers all begin to dart their eyes back and forth. Mistress looks up at the cell and takes it in. As soon as the ref has moved to the ropes, Kanyon comes barreling out like a rocket and crushes Raymond into the corner. He lays in rights and lefts as the JRoK star turtles up and tries to defend. Kanyon rains overhead rights to the skull of his mortal enemy before howling in triumph. Psychotic Goth roars in an ancient dialect and advances on the masked man in front of him. Ozymandias ignores him and stares down Kilroy. As Evans mouths off to the Butcher of Reine, Goth blindsides Ozy with a double axe handle to the back of the skull. He then stomps on the foot of the SCCW star. Ozy whips around and clobbers Goth with a headbutt, but Goth just laughs and tosses his hair out of his face and comes in with a blitzkrieg assault of kicks and punches. Andrej begins to suss out what to think of the robotic vulpine in front of him. He begins to circle the protogen. For their part, Bishy-bot simply cocks his head to one side, then cocks it to the other. Suddenly, Kilroy Evans comes in like a shot and tries to spear von Grapple. Andrej remains standing and looks down at the man with a quizzical look. Kilroy looks up and raises an eyebrow. He pats Andrej on the chest and then lifts him into the air for a belly to belly. Actually impressed, Andrej smiles. He then slams his meaty arms across the spine of the champ causing him to let go. Evans refuses to let up and charges right back in. Kanyon whips Raymond across the ring. James leaps onto the back of Kilroy as he tries to spear Andrej. Raymond then leaps over the head of von Grapple and onto the top rope before dropping to the apron and escaping the ring, pointing to his head. As this is going on, the two technical wrestlers are engaging in a bit of measuring one another up. A tentative test of strength has them jockeying for position while avoiding the meat in the middle of the ring. They just manage to avoid Goth flying past them after being beal tossed by Ozy. Ozy barrels in past them and crushes Goth in the corner with a clothesline before throwing him back to the middle of the ring. As he approaches for more, Goth lashes out with a dropkick to the left knee and then drop toe hold on the big man. As they jockey, Discipline begins to get the advantage using her height and weight advantage to her benefit.
Randy: There is so much action going on right now.
Hawke: Looks like some people had a game plan, or at least people to avoid. Kanyon is now rolling out of the ring.
Randy: Well sure, he wants to end James Raymond for sure. If my memory is correct, and it often isn’t… *sips tequila* James is the new Visual Kei Champ!
Kanyon comes sprinting as fast as his newly healed legs will carry him. James Raymond dodges at the last second letting Curtis BANG the hard steel steps, dislodging them and sending the top part flying to the cage wall. As CDK tries to get to his feet, Raymond hits a Pele Kick, staggering the former president. He then leaps to the apron and tries for an asai moonsault, but Kanyon catches him and powerslams him onto the bottom half of the steel steps. In the corner of the ring, Discipline has hooked in a sleeper hold on Random. Mostly Harmful manages to leap to the middle rope and push off to send them tumbling before popping up into a sleeper of her own somehow. Mistress stomps on her foot to loosen the hold before using her strength to haul Random over her own head and drop her to the mat and lock in a seated body scissor. She grabs for the right arm and tries to wrench it into a kimura. McConalogue manages to get a hold of the arm of Discipline and attempts to bend the fingers into some direction they are not meant to go. Goth is taking some pot shots at Ozy, dodging and weaving but doing little damage to the big man. Suddenly and violently, Ozy lashes out and catches Goth by the throat. He hurls him at Andrej. Von Grapple for his part, manages to shove Kilroy away from his continued attempts to suplex the big man. He catches Goth and hurls him over the top rope and to the floor towards the ramp with a massive overhead belly-to-belly suplex.
Randy: Holy shit! Who knew Goth could fly!?
Hawke: I think any of these competitors could in the hands of Andrej. That is one particularly cut specimen of meat. HOLY-
Sure enough, Goth lands and arches his back and turns right into a massive clothesline from Kanyon. Kanyon wastes no time hauling Goth over and hitting a back suplex onto the steel steps, Raymond just avoiding the crashing Psychotic one. In the ring, Kilroy turns to ARM815H1 MK.69 and smiles. As it turns out Bishy is using their level 3 Somnabulist power of … sleep. Kilroy shakes the robot awake and begins to talk to it.
Kilroy Evans: Hey! Hey man, listen. You should work with me! Look at how big and meaty these two lads are. You love to beat the meat, yeah?
ARM815H1 MK.69: … Go on …
Kilroy Evans: Well you and I could totally ruin these two guys. Besides, I’m the one who beat Cross. I humiliated him.
ARM815H1 MK.69: I do not follow…
Kilroy Evans: Cross is the one who beat Fox for this title. But he DIDN’T finish the job. He stopped! And then Fox hurt your friend! It’s all Cross’s fault that your role model isn’t here now. And I stopped him! I’m great, right?
Randy: … There is no way that works right? Robots are supposed to be intelligent and immune to emotion.
Hawke: Kilroy is nothing if not convincing. He has a history of getting people to go along with him.
Randy: But ARM815H1 MK.69 is smarter than that. You watch! They won’t-
ARM815H1 MK.69: Sounds logical to me!
Randy: Ah … well …
While this conversation has been going down, Ozy and Andrej have been engaged in a big hoss-off. Punches raining back and forth, finding their mark. Ozy’s mask is bent and battered. Andrej has blood trickling from his nose and a smile on his face. His right fist is also showing bloodied knuckles from hitting the mask of the cultist. Meanwhile, Random has Discipline in a modified arm bar trying to free herself from the powerful thighs of the librarian. On the outside, Raymond is on the ground, eating fists from Kanyon, while Goth is getting a pep talk on his new steel staircase bed from his manager Vampira. Discipline breaks her hold to eliminate the pressure from the dice girl. Instead she gets pulled down into a fujiwara arm bar. Andrej suddenly surges forward and catches Ozymandias in a massive bear hug! Ozy, for what it’s worth, wraps his arms around von Grapple and both men try to squeeze the life out of each other. Raymond manages to roll away from Kanyon and as the president chases him, he manages to kick him in the knee cap twice. Mistress manages to grab the ropes and uses the leverage to pull her attacker back and through the ropes to the apron. As Random stands, Mistress hooks her arms on the top rope and then grabs the leg through the middle and bottom rope and makes a form of a standing tarantula hold to stretch the mathematical wizard. Raymond manages to get to his feet and grab Kanyon, slamming his head into the steel cell wall! Ozy tries to thrash the bear hug but von Grapple stands firm on the mat and tries to crush the breath from Ozy’s lungs. Suddenly both men get tapped on the shoulder.
ARM815H1 MK.69: I don’t mean to interrupt such a wonderful UwU moment but …
Randy: Whoa! ARM815H1 just managed to punch both big men in the mouth and they both just toppled over!
Hawke: Well he is a robot. His strength is unmatched when he focuses it on a task.
Andrej looks stunned but excited that there are TWO men who can match his power AND a third who will keep coming at him no matter what he does! Ozy has no time to consider this as the Furminator grabs him and hauls him to his feet and headbutts him. Kilroy catches the stumbling SCCW tag team champ in a German Suplex. Random gets one arm free and uses it to grab the hair of Discipline and yank her forward into the rope to break the hold. She ducks into the ring and takes down Mistress with a rugby tackle before transitioning into the mount and pulling both arms of the former tag team champ into a modified arm bar. Raymond is now bouncing the skull of the former president off the cell wall. A quick pull on the belt area pulls Curtis into a half hatch suplex on the outside. Mistress manages to get her legs up and around the arms of Random and now the two technical experts are tied in a knot trying to hyperextend each other’s shoulders. Andrej stands toe to toe with the menacing visage of ARM815H1 and couldn’t be more chuffed. He sends a punch to the head of the robot. Bishy stumbles back, his eyes turn into quizzical expression. He isn’t used to being struck with such force by something that isn’t a kaiju living in the stomach of a dracolich. As Raymond pulls Kanyon to his feet, he mouths off about being better. He is stopped short when Psychotic Goth comes in with a running STO to the JROK champ.
Randy: C’mon James, you’re making us all look bad!
Hawke: This is a true cluster of a match. Nine fighters all trying to just wear down the others.
The Furminator answers back with a punch of his own. Now the two heavyweights are trading blows, neither giving an inch. Eventually Andrej hits a scoop slam on the big robot. Kilroy has Ozy on the mat and is grinding his elbow into the face and throat of the masked man. Psychotic Goth stomps on the shoulders of James Raymond before turning his attention to the former X*Crown champ on the floor. He locks in a koji clutch! Kanyon grunts in pain but doesn’t seem willing to give an inch. Raymond rolls over and is about to try and stop this when he realizes Kanyon can’t tap on the floor. So he just watches with a smirk. Kanyon shouts at him to help him but James just waves his fingers at Kanyon. He rolls into the ring and sends a big punt to the butt of Random sending the ball of female fighters tumbling off balance, breaking both holds. He then springboards to the top rope and off it with a moonsault across both of them. Kilroy comes barreling in and hits Andrej from behind with a clubbing blow, letting Bishy hit a bossman slam. Raymond comes from behind Kilroy and rolls him up!
ONE!
ARM815H1 MK.69 breaks it up by grabbing Raymond by the back of the neck and just lifting him up off the pin.
Randy: And our first pin attempt was a flash finish special.
Hawke: Kanyon is really being drained of his energy by Goth on the outside.
Kanyon manages to grab the cell and pull forward sending Goth’s skull into the metal to break the hold. Ozymandias is to his feet and sees the two female competitors pulling themselves off the mat. He charges in and turns them inside out with a double lariat. He reaches down to grab McConalogue, but finds her tangled around his arm like a creeping vine. She is somehow managing to try and dislocate his left elbow with a body scissor. He drops to a knee to lessen the weight on him. Mistress rolls out of the ring and spies Goth pulling himself up on the cage wall. The two lock eyes and Goth shouts in an ancient Minnesotan dialect.
Mistress Discipline: … That was NOT a real language.
Goth spits on the floor and charges her. She dodges and slams his chest into the ring apron before catching the Dunce Cap choke sleeper on the rebound. Ozy lifts Random up using his tangled arm and then applies his free arm to extract her from his limb and slam her into the mat with a modified uranage. He pins.
ONE!
Broken up by Kilroy.
Random rolls out of the ring as Kilroy apples a dragon sleeper to Ozy. Raymond has managed to free himself from ARM815H1 MK.69 and flipped the protogen to the mat with a cross armbreaker. Andrej is to his feet and grabs the head of Kilroy, breaking the submission. He proceeds to beal toss the X*Crown Champ over the heads of Raymond and Bishy. Kilroy crashes to the floor and rolls up against the door to the ramp cage. As Sophia Vasquez maintains view of the action in the ring, she misses the sneaky Vampira approaching the champ. She lifts the hand-made weapon into the air …
Randy: BANG!!!!!!
Hawke: Curtis Kanyon banged Psychotic Goth’s wife!
Randy: In a purely psychotic way.
Hawke: The word is platonic.
Randy: … Is it …?
Goth sees this and immediately powers out of the sleeper. He shoves Discipline away. A dropkick to the chest makes sure she won’t follow. As Kanyon grabs Kilroy by the throat and slams his head against the cage door, he doesn’t see Goth sprinting his way. Goth grabs his weapon from the ground and bellows in an ancient Norse dialect. This gets Kanyon’s attention. The ex-president spins and narrowly rolls out of the way of the specialty weapon. Kilroy isn’t so lucky ... and is so in the way. The weapon crashes into the skull of the champ sending him though the cage door to the ramp with a huge gash on his forehead. Kanyon tackles Goth into the cage wall and sends shoulders to the gut until the handle of the weapon is used as a spear to crash into the pressure point in the collarbone area of Kanyon.
Randy: Well, at least the blood stains will be a reminder to everyone that Kilroy was here.
Hawke: … Really Randy?
In the ring, Andrej and Ozymandias once again stare down each other. As Andrej tries to talk to his worthy opponent, he is instead met with a headbutt and then a vicious lariat. Von Grapple refuses to go down and instead batters his foe across the side of the head with alternating forearm strikes. Ozy hits a flurry of haymakers. Von Grapple backs to the ropes. Raymond breaks his hold as it seems like ARM815H1 MK.69 is not even being fazed by it. He instead kips up and drops the top rope letting Andrej back up and over it to the outside. James then ducks behind Ozy and sprints off the far ropes. On the return he uses the rising ARM815H1 as a tripping point, dropkicking Ozy so he stumbles into the Furminator and trips, also going over the ropes. Kanyon stumbles away from Goth and bumps into the rising Andrej and falling Ozy … only for Raymond to somersault plancha over the ropes onto all three men! He slides back into the ring. He sprints off the ropes and uses ARM815H1 MK.69 as a step stool to leap further out and hits a launching suicide dive onto Goth. He runs back into the ring. All four downed men stand up at once and cluster together …
Randy: He wouldn’t be dumb enough to go for a third…
Hawke: He may not get the chance, Armbishi is still in the ring!
Raymond ducks a clothesline from the protogen and comes back off the rope and under another clothesline. He leaps to the top rope and springs off with a shooting star press … only for Goth, Kanyon, Andrej and Ozymandias to catch him. Each one takes a limb and they swing him back and forth until they literally lawn dart him into the cage wall. As he falls he manages to grab the cage and hang from one arm to avoid taking bludgeon AND fall damage. Goth grabs his unique weapon from the floor and unloads on Ozymandias. He then unloads on Andrej. He turns and hits Ozy again, who stumbles through the cell door onto the ramp where Kilroy is recovering. Raymond slowly begins to recover and cling all four limbs to the cell wall. He decides to climb away from the cluster of fuckery. Goth turns to swing at Andrej, but he rolls into the ring to escape. Mistress Discipline has rolled back into the ring as well from one side of the ring, Random rolls in from the other. Mistress rises and sees ARM815H1 MK.69. Their eyes turn into hearts. They look around at all the CARnies and Beahr Buddies out to support the CAR rep. Having had limited exposure to the world outside the DB arena (read: undead critter tummy), Bishy mistakes her for Brittney.
ARM815H1 MK.69: uWu we are such a fan!
Mistress Discipline: … I am ... honored?
Randy: Oh look! A burgeoning team-up!
Hawke: I wonder why the robot seems to want to help Mistress Discipline.
Randy: She isn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Joey. Wouldn’t you team up with someone labeled, “Invincible”?
ARM815H1 MK.69: We should help each other out. Us furries need to stick together!
Mistress Discipline: What do you propose?
ARM815H1 MK.69: No proposal, commitment is for chumps, let’s kick booty!
Mistress Discipline: I … am going to take the one on your left.
They turn and Mistress charges Random. She is dropped with a drop toe hold and rolled into a half crab. Bishy begins sending kicks to the ribs of the Modern Day Berserker. Outside the ring Goth has found his next target. Kanyon. A swing of the weapon … and sparks fly! Mjolnir the sledgehammer of the Gods intercepts the weapon. What follows can best be described as a Hollywood sword fight or lightsaber duel but using a sledgehammer and a random weapon as the swords. Sparks fly with each clash of metal on metal as both men hiss in anger and rage. Kanyon shouts, “FOR THOR!” Goth shouts in an ancient Scandinavian tongue. Kanyon adds, “FOR STEVE!” Goth just hisses at him. More clashing. Mistress manages to use the ropes to pull up and force Random to stumble forward off the hold. ARM815H1 MK.69 meanwhile is refusing to be whipped to the ropes. Andrej is equal parts annoyed and impressed by the steadfast stand by the android. He instead shoots in on the robot and dumps him with a very high angle back body drop. On the ramp, Ozy is recovering from his bludgeoning when he is locked into a sleeper by Kilroy.
Hawke: This has turned into a regular slug fest.
Randy: It’s impressive really. Look at all the chaos. Over one belt. Twenty four belts … whatever. *Sips mead from a mug with Chris Hemsworth on it.*
James Raymond is now scaling the roof of the cell. Kanyon sees this and raises his hammer to the sky. A lightning bolt comes down and hits the roof, causing the panel next to James to pop open and dangle over the ring. Mistress now catches Random with a snap suplex before dropping a big leg drop on the throat. ARM815H1 MK.69 gets to their feet and Andrej again tries to prove his might and Irish whip the beast. He pulls with all his might. The protogen holds his ground … until …
POP!
Randy: Well that’s a weapon down, ARM815H1 MK.69 has been … DISARMED!
Hawke: … … oh I get it.
Indeed Andrej looks down into his hands in horror, then up at the Furminator who is now approximately 25 pounds lighter on his left side. They look at their shoulder … their arm is completely gone … and in von Grapple’s grapple. Andrej apologies profusely and places it back on the shoulder and pats it into place. It drops to the mat.
ARM815H1 MK.69: … How un-uWu … I was using that arm.
Andrej again apologizes and uses his might to pop it back into place. He tells the robot to test it. Which they do … by hitting a massive shotei to the face of von Grapple and then whipping HIM to the corner hard. Andrej crashes chest first into the corner and comes Bishy charges in and dropkicks him. Andrej spins and crashes back first into the corner and drops to a seat. Goth has the advantage. With Kanyon taking time to summon lightning, he left himself open to a shot to the gut and now he is on his back using his hammer to defend against psychotic strikes from the gothic one. Goth flips his hair back as if it flows in the wind, and fakes Kanyon out only to punt him in the nuts. Raymond has actually climbed to the roof of the cell to recover and bide his time. Kilroy is refusing to let Ozy manhandle him, slamming the big masked brute back first into the cell wall along the ramp. He then turns it into a Northern Lights suplex. Finally he locks in a Mexican Surfboard stretch on the man from Old Harbour. In the ring, Mistress sits up the dice girl and hits a shining big boot to the face. She pins. Sophia counts.
ONE!
TW-Kickout by Random.
Randy: Neither of the women have taken all that much damage this match, choosing to try and out technical each other.
Hawke: Well it makes no sense getting into a dick measuring contest, there’s a title on the line.
Randy: Yeah! Besides I think they’d be at a DISTINCT disadvantage. *SLAP!* OW! Some busty blonde in the front row just slapped me!
Kanyon manages to roll to the side to avoid a blow from the weapon, then roll to the other side to dodge again. He kicks the knees of Goth to try and get away. Goth stumbles and Kanyon yanks on his luscious locks to send him off balance to the floor. Curtis slowly pulls up on the ring apron, holding his jewels. ARM815H1 MK.69 charges at the seated von Grapple and hits the Bronco Buster. Being a robot he activates piston mode and just rapid fire crotch slams the face of the poor Viking. The crowd hears the gears grinding as the foxy bot just gratuitously deals out dickings to the modern day berserker. Finally Andrej manages to slide down to the mat and out of harm’s way.
Randy: MEN ARE FROM MARS, HERE IS MY PENIS!
Hawke: WHAT!? KEEP YOUR PANTS ON, RANDY!
Randy: No that’s the move name! Look at your info sheet!
Hawke: Still a horrible thing to sa- … where are your pants?
Randy: That is UNRELATED to the move, I had to pee and I lost them… Broke the seal too … rookie mistake.
Hawke: Please stop urinating on the announce table.
Mistress has Random on her feet and comes off the ropes for the Final Bell! But Random matrix dodges the flying knee and catches the plant leg, slinging the former global tag champ to the mat and torqueing the knee hard. After the improvised Dragon Screw, she floats over into the Western Spiral Armbar on Discipline. Bishy celebrates his successful attack and turns … BANG!!!
Randy: KANYON BANGED THE SEX BOT!
Hawke: Esmerelda would be pissed if she heard this commentary Randy…
Randy: She’s still on the stage watching, Joey.
On the ramp Ozy has Kilroy by the throat and lifts him off the ground. He then beal tosses him up the ramp. He wipes Evans’s blood into a handprint on his chest. He slowly stalks the champ as Kilroy stumbles to his feet near the door to the stage. Ozy charges and spears the life out of Kilroy busting the door off its hinges and spilling onto the stage. Kanyon turns to the two ladies in the ring and smiles. He asks Mistress if she remembers him.
Mistress Discipline: Unfortunately. But I am also otherwise … engaged … if you wish to address the past with me you will need to free me.
Kanyon pulls Random off of Mistress and slams her with a back suplex. Goth slides into the ring and uses his weapon to lock in a rear naked choke on Andrej. Trying to assert dominance over the biggest guy in the ring and also win the match, he really pulls on the handle of his creation. Meanwhile Kanyon hauls Mistress to her feet. She begins to speak to him about his past slights but he just hits a headbutt and then a belly to belly suplex on her. On the cell of the cage, Raymond is slowly crawling away from the damaged panel and towards the drop from the ring cell to the ramp cell. Ozy stalks the champ but he pulls Esmerelda Kanyon in the way. Ozy gently pushes her aside and reaches for Kilroy but gets a thumb to the eye and a jawbreaker. Ozy spins and Kilroy gets behind him with a full nelson before running Ozy smack into the stage cage wall!
Randy: Whoa, nice reversal by the champ. He’s tenacious.
Hawke: Clearly outmatched in size, he is using every trick in his arsenal to keep his belt.
In the ring, von Grapple’s eyes begin to roll into the back of his head. Goth can feel the win coming his way … when Kanyon kicks him in the face to break the hold. ARM815H1 MK.69 rolls and kicks the weapon out of the ring inadvertently. Random is to her feet and begins to send forearm shots to the throat of Mistress Discipline. Kilroy turns to Esmerelda and tries to thank her for her lovely help … she throws her patented salsa into his face.
Kilroy Evans: GAAAAAH MY EYES! IS THAT HABAÑERO? … WHAT A GREAT BURN AND IT’S DELICIOUS!
Esmerelda quickly runs from him and puts her back to the cage wall next to the door to the ramp cage. Kilroy swings wildly before accidentally kicking Ozy in the nuts. Ozy roars in anger and clotheslines Kilroy before collapsing next to him holding his balls. In the ring, Mistress manages to shove Random off and catches her in an inside cradle as she tries to lock in an arm bar.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Random.
Random pulls her up and sets her up for the Babel Fish Argument Tiger Suplex. Mistress manages to wrap her foot on the bottom rope to prevent the lift. A back kick to the knee cap sends Random staggering away. But Kanyon barrels in with a body avalanche into the corner. Kanyon backs off. Goth charges Kanyon but he ducks and instead Goth blasts Mistress with a flying forearm. As Goth, Kanyon and Random all stare at each other with Mistress battered in the corner, they feel something … a presence.
Hawke: Oh … that doesn’t look good. Does he look different all of a sudden?
Randy: Joey I’m scared. I peed myself.
Hawke: *sigh* Still … not wearing … that was my good shoe Randy.
Indeed Andrej von Grapple is to his feet and his eyes are glazed over. A steam seems to emit from his ears. He charges in at Goth and Kanyon but both men dive aside and he avalanches Discipline in the corner. She stumbles out and he hoists her into a gorilla press and launches her over the top rope into the wall of the cell near the announcers, where it dents and cradles her body two feet off the ground. Suddenly the ring rumbles. ARM815H1 MK.69 kips up and unleashes his level 56 Britney Army General powers.
ARM815H1 MK.69: LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE!!!!
Bishy charges in at Andrej and blasts him in the face with a fist that immediately turns the nose at an awkward angle and blood spewing. They lift up Andrej and scoop slam him to the center of the ring. They climb to the top and leap off with a moonsault. … Andrej manages to HOLD the flying fox and roll to his feet and hit a World’s Strongest Slam that dents the ring. Kanyon hits the BANG … but Andre just catches the attack and hoists the former president up and runs to the ropes by the ramp and powerbombs him over the ropes and through the ramp doorway. Von Grapple whips around and nearly beheads Psychotic Goth. Vampira slides into the ring and hits a low blow but he just ignores it and howls in rage. He grabs her and Goth and choke tosses them both over the ropes to the side of the ring. Bishy is back up and hits a leaping knee to the face again. Grapple just rights his own nose with a grunt and grabs the Furminator by the throat. Bishy rains headbutts to the berserker but gets lifted up like a javelin and thrown as such over the ropes to the left of the commentators. A Fox sized hole appears in the cage as ARM815H1 goes right through like a hot knife through body butter.
Hawke: WHOA! How did he do that? That was a 300 pound fox made of metal being launched headfirst through the cage wall. There’s a four foot diameter hole in the wall!
Randy: More like FUR FOOT! HAHAHA … I’m here all night.
Everyone is down except for Andrei in the ring and Raymond standing on the cage ceiling over the ramp in horror. He takes a look down and spits on Kanyon. Kanyon shakes awake and glares at him vowing revenge. Suddenly Random comes from behind with a piggyback sleeper. She uses her knowledge of physics and math to perfectly shift her weight to drag the angry berserker back and then flips him over with a judo style throw. As he immediately pops to a hands and knees position she charges in with a Canadian Destroyer!!!
Randy: INFINITE IMPROBABILITY DRIVE!
Hawke: Uh … Andrej just sat up.
Indeed he did. Random looks at him in shock. This is chaos beyond even what she has seen. She hits a sliding dropkick to the face to put him down. He sits back up. Goth slides back into the ring and blasts Andrej with a Busaiko Knee. This holds him down … for about two seconds. Random and Goth look at each other and dive onto Andrej. Goth locks in a heel hook while Random locks in the Somebody Else’s Problem. With his left knee and both shoulders and elbows being hyper extended the Modern Day Berserker begins to grunt in pain but shows no signs of giving up. In fact he begins to fight out of the holds. On the stage Ozy is up and palms the face of Kilroy. Evans however breaks his grip and hits a stunner.
Kilroy Evans: Learned that from Donzig, now bleed for me! Make this fun!
Ozy is stunned but doesn’t fall as Evans tackles him and rains down a flurry of punches and forearm shivers. Kanyon begins to walk up the ramp to find a way to get to Raymond. James has moved to the intersection of the cages over the ramp and stage where he sees Esmerelda hiding from Kilroy and Ozymandias. ARM815H1 MK.69 is dazed and crawls out of the front row of CARnies and Beahr Buddies. They look around and see Raymond on top of the cell and decide that looks fun. They begin to climb the outside of the ring cell section. James reaches in and tugs Esmerelda’s hair. She flinches and stumbles back. Kanyon yells at Raymond he’s a dead man … when Esmerelda Kanyon bumps into Kilroy’s back. He spins around and hits her with an instinctive spinebuster! He looks down and covers his mouth in shock. Suddenly a roar is heard as Kanyon barrels into the cage through the non-existant door. He catches Kilroy and begins to bludgeon him with fists before hitting the Kanyon Cutter on the stage! He beats his chest and checks on his wife.
Randy: I can’t believe the champ sunk so low! What a bum!
Hawke: It was an accident that is going to cost him dearly.
Kanyon pulls Kilroy to his feet but Ozy stops him. Ozymandias clamps a meaty hand on the throat of Kanyon. Kanyon however stomps on his foot and drops HIM with a Kanyon Cutter. The Butcher however bounces back to his feet and stumbles to the cage wall of the stage cell … right near where James Raymond is still perched. Kanyon cackles maniacally and charges.
Hawke: HOLY SHIT!
Randy: BANG BANG BANG! Curtis has now banged the envoy of the many tentacled one!
Hawke: As you do…
Ozy and Curtis tumble through the cell wall as it tears away from the stage and they collapse down off the stage through some tables. Raymond stumbles and nearly falls from the top of the cell but grabs the wall to hold on. Kilroy sees his chance and charges through the hole and grabs the arm of Raymond. In the ring Andrej has managed to fight free of the heel hook and uses his massive strength to power to a standing base with both arms being tugged behind his back by the Rings of Saturn hold of Random. Random holds him in place as he struggles. A big boot floors the charging Goth. Andrej backs up and slams Random into the corner. She releases the hold but as he turns to attack she slings herself through the ropes to the apron letting Andrej crash and burn into the ropes. She then ducks back into the ring with a hangman’s neckbreaker. She pins.
ONE!
Kickout by Andrej!
Randy: How does he do it?
Andrej violently hurls her off of him and stalks her. Goth attacks him with a loaded boot! Andrej stumbles. Goth charges in with a roar … right into the big bear hug!
Hawke: ASBJOM’S WRATH! Goth is fading very quickly!
Randy: Yeah but Random isn’t going to let him win like this.
Indeed she attacks him with kicks to the knees. Andrej responds by Caber tossing Goth out of the ring. He crumples in a heap on the floor. Random continues to pepper the backs of his knees with strikes. She dances around his retaliation. She shoots in with a snapping dragon screw and locks in a half crab. Kilroy ends up on the cell wall following James to the top of the cage. The two are now trading strikes. Elbows and kicks from James, fists and fists from Kilroy. Kilroy grabs the skull of James and tries to throw him off the edge, but Raymond wraps his legs on Kilroy and dangles over the side before doing a situp and sweeping the legs. Andrej is dragging Random to the ropes to use them to pull himself vertical. She releases the hold and leaps up for a poisonrana. However Andrej clamps his meat hooks on her legs and holds her in place. She sits up into an electric chair position only to get thrown forward with a reverse Alabama slam. He then grabs her by the tights and launches her out of the ring. He turns around to bellow … and spies Ozymandias making his way down the side of the ramp outside the cage. Ozy moves with purpose towards the hole left from von Grapple lawn darting ARM815H1 MK.69. The Furminator has made it to the top of the cage and stops to gather their thoughts. They look around the ring at the danger below. Raymond beelines it away from Kilroy as he watches Kanyon climb the side of the ramp cell. James runs right into ARM815H1 who bitch slaps him.
ARM815H1 MK.69: oWo looks like someone wants to BANG your insides!
Randy: … I mean they aren’t wrong …
Hawke: Kanyon is making this event sound raunchier than it is.
Randy: … Which is saying something with the sex bot up there.
Bishy picks up Raymond who explodes with an enzuigiri that nearly rearranges the fox’s ears. Kanyon is now barreling down the roof of the ramp cage to get to the ring cage. Raymond thinks quick and does a standing switch and shoves the Furminator to Kanyon who tries to BANG the robot only to get caught in a guillotine, which is quickly transitioned into a standing headscissors. Rather than immediately lift him up for the powerbomb, ARM815H1 MK.69 pistons his body again, casually lightning humping the former president.
ARM815H1 MK.69: I can BANG too!
Randy: … what is the censor budget for this episode?
Hawke: Why do you think we’ve been sneakily cutting all the alcohol drinking shots since about five minutes into this match?
Randy: WHAT? *he pulls up a fla-*
Back to the action, Andrej is taunting to Ozy to hurry. Ozymandias is still limping from the fall from the stage. Von Grapple looks out at the two broken bodies outside the ring … and at the big empty dent from earlier. Wait … empty? He spins too late and is absolutely annihilated by a bicycle knee strike.
Randy: FINAL BELL!
Hawke: She had something on her knee pads!
Indeed Mistress Discipline is back and has knocked the Berserker to his knees, his face is a crimson mask as she pulls the heel of a stiletto shoe off her knee pad. The busty blonde behind the announce desk laughs … and struggles to stand on one stiletto. Suddenly there is a rustle in the crowd. Off to the left side of the ring if you were standing at the announce desk, the fans are being cleared out. There in the crowd is Mister Discipline himself, XHF Legend Death Trap. He is moving all the chairs out of the way and signaling for something. In comes Funaki dragging a big wooden board. It appears to be the barbed wire covered board with explosives on it from SCCW’s landmine death matches!
Randy: How did DT get that hardware and what is he doing with it?
Hawke: Goddamnit Ronnie! Lock the equipment cabinet. I wonder how Aleister is going to handle this.
Kanyon manages to back body drop ARM815H1 and escape his predicament. The robot uses his grip to hang on and dangle over the edge. Suddenly Kanyon is chop blocked from behind by James Raymond. Raymond stomps on the knees of Kanyon. In the ring, Mistress is laying fists to the stab wound in the head of the berserker. He shoves her away and charges for the clothesline, but she ducks it. He whips around with a big boot but it is caught! A quick pull and Andrej eats that echoing slap that is heard as far away as Iowa. This … simply enrages him. He locks in a bear hug! Discipline gets her left arm free and sends a thrust to the throat of the Viking warrior. He drops her and coughs. She immediately hooks him for the flatliner and rolls her legs back to lock in the signature koji clutch!
Hawke: DETENTION! SHE’S GOT HIM LOCKED IN THAT SUBMISSION FINISH AND NOBODY IS IN THE RING TO STOP IT!
Randy: I mean there’s two bodies outside the ring. But Random and Goth both seem out of it.
Ozymandias now picks up the pace and hobbles through the opening in the cell. Andrej violently struggles and nearly rolls out of the hold a few times. On the ceiling of the cage, Kanyon kicks out the legs of Raymond and rolls to his feet. He looks for the Kanyon Cutter on the rise, but Raymond pops his hands up and catches the sleeper. Kanyon ducks behind allowing the hold to transition into a side headlock but then hoists Raymond for a hammerlock back suplex. James manages to flip and land on his feet and hit the Calamity Kick 1! Kanyon stumbles and drops to 1 knee. Bishy manages to pull himself up and onto the cage. Raymond hits him with a standing moonsault and rises to his feet on the edge of the cage. The Furminator rises to his hands and knees. Down below, DT and Funaki put the empty steel chairs back onto the board of barbed wire and mines. Bishy is about to eat another Calamity Kick 2 but he activates his level 99 Furminator power of “Invincible”. He dodges the kick and shoves Raymond. James teeters about to fall but manages to balance. But his attacker never follows as Kilroy comes charging in with a spear, taking the metal menace off his feet and planting him on the cage. James laughs … until he hears, “FOR STEEEEEEEEVE!” and BAAAAAAANG!
Randy: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEY’RE DEAD!
Hawke: Kanyon just banged James Raymond off the top of the cell so hard they flew into the stands and landed on all those chairs and the barbed wire that DT set up-
~KABOOOOOOOOOOM!~
Randy: OH SHIT!
Hawke: And the SCCW budget just got blown by their hall of famer. We need medics out here for Kanyon and Raymond.
Kanyon and Raymond lie in a pile of exploded debris, wood and metal and wire everywhere. Kanyon has a sick smile on his unconscious face. Raymond just looks mangled. The explosion temporarily distracts everyone allowing Andrej to power Discipline into the air and drop her to the mat with a slam breaking the hold. They both lie in the ring breathing heavily. On the ceiling Kilroy is trying to choke the robot. This should have no effect but the eye LEDs on the robot say it IS having an effect and this means Kilroy keeps going. Unfortunately ARM815H1 MK.69 seems to be getting off on this …
ARM815H1 MK.69: Harder daddy!
Kilroy Evans: Bitch, I ain’t your daddy! But OK!
He chokes harder … somehow … on the metal windpipe. Ozymandias slides into the ring and measures his challengers. He looks to finish off the smaller foe but as he lifts Mistress by her hair, he hears a rumble and Andrej kips up. He is breathing heavy and bleeding from the head. Ozy charges him with a huge lariat! Von Grapple hits the mat! Ozy roars! He pins.
ONE!
TWO!
Andrej powers out with authority. Ozy just looks at him stunned, then up to Sophia Vasquez.
Randy: What IS this man?
Hawke: Impossible to keep down.
Andrej breathes heavily … He rolls to his feet. Ozy grapples him and forces him into a standing headscissor. He hoists him up! POWERBOMB! He holds on. He struggles to lift him … POWERBOMB! He tries for a third but Andrej’s eyes pop open and he pulls Ozy into a triangle choke! Ozy flails. He is saved for the moment by Mistress Discipline who kicks the berserker in the spine!
Mistress Discipline: I am QUITE tired of you!
She pulls Andrej back to the corner. She looks to set him up for her own powerbomb but Andrej comes to life and almost throws her onto the top rope. His eyes are red and bloodshot. His face is completely blood soaked. He steps back and charges the librarian. But she punts him in the chin as he gets close! She pulls him up to the second rope and then leaps off with the sit-our powerbomb that puts Andrej THROUGH the ring into a crater!
Randy: EXPULSION! She’s gonna win it! Andrej is down!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-Ozymandias pulls her off the cover.
Hawke: So close. Sophia was at 2.75! She just slammed a 300 pound man from the second rope through the ring.
Ozy wastes no time hitting Mistress Discipline with a short arm lariat. Taking a cue from his tag team partner who has twice defeated her this way. He pins!
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Mistress.
On the roof, Kilroy sees the peril his title is in and pulls the robot to its feet! He hits a scoop slam onto the roof of the cell. The Furminator kips up. Kilroy just laughs and beckons him to bring it. A charge is turned into a tilt-o-whirl back breaker! Kilroy drags ARM815H1 to the opening in the cell where the lightning damaged it. Bishy manages to grab the champ and hit a savage headbutt followed by a Steel Face Spank (running shotei). Kilroy lands with his chest and face over the hole in the cell. Bishy reaches in and grabs the dangling piece of steel and swings it up slamming it into the face of Kilroy three times before it snaps off and Bishy accidentally throws it into the air above them. It crashes to the roof and smooshes both Bishy and Kilroy.
Hawke: Ow.
In the ring Ozymandias is bludgeoning the former tag champ with fists until she springs the trap and pulls him into the gogoplata! Ozy struggles to get free. He grunts and tries to lift her but she is holding herself down. Bishy tosses the cage piece away and stands up. He stumbles back away from the hole … Kilroy begins to stand … Bishy charges! He gets caught by Kilroy with a cutter leaping through the hole and into the ring!!!!
Randy: HOLY SHIT! THE BAD TOUCH OFF THE CELL INTO THE RING!
Kilroy crawls onto A= ARM815H1 MK.69.
ONE!
TWO!
Mistress Discipline releases the hold and Ozymandias stumbles back into the pin breaking it up.
Ozy lifts Kilroy up and hits him with a massive lariat. He turns around. FINAL BELL! She hooks him for the Expulsion! Up … and …. DOWN! She pins!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-NO!
At the LAST POSSIBLE NANOSECOND, Ozymandias rolls the shoulder. Mistress can’t believe it. She rolls onto Kilroy.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-he kicks out.
She crawls to Armbishi-bot but he manages to slowly roll away and climb to his feet.
ARM815H1 MK.69: Processing … Processing … pain … wait … you are not Brittney Beahr. Are you even a furry???
Mistress Discipline: … If I said yes … would you let me win?
ARM815H1 MK.69: Error error error.
Armbishi grasps her by the throat … when he feels a plink … and a dart hits his butt then falls to the ground … since he’s made of metal. In the crowd Dr. Chaos is shown behind the announce desk aiming her tranq rifle.
Randy: He’s … a robot. I’m drunk and I knew that wouldn’t work.
Hawke: Credit for trying to help.
Bishy sets her up for the Interstellar Road Head … but Kilroy takes out his legs with a double chop block. From nowhere Random McConalogue reaches in from the outside and yanks the robot out of the ring. She whips him into the steel wall of the cell. On the rebound she hits him with that poisonrana!
Hawke: Hyperspace Bypass on the outside!
Random takes a moment to study the robot … she reaches into the chassis and pulls one wire … and Bishy goes limp on the floor.
ARM815H1 MK.69: Not cool! I needed those wires for my motor servos! Now how will we yif later?
Random shudders at that and backs up right into a rear naked choke from Psychotic Goth! In the ring, Kilroy has begun to trade heavy punches with Ozy. They both just slug each other, blood splattering with each blow. Mistress rises next to them and slams their heads together before hitting a German suplex on Ozy. She then hits the Final Bell onto Kilroy! Meanwhile Random has passed out in the hold and Goth drops her to the floor. He slides into the ring as Mistress pins.
One!
Two!
THREE-No! Kilroy somehow rolls the shoulder.
Hawke: This is insane. Who will walk out with the title?!
Randy: Whoever it is will likely be on a gurney. Or in a pine box.
Goth sneaks up behind the rising Ozymandias and looks for the Goth Torture Rack! But Ozy manages to slide down the back and headbutt him. Ozy turns and Goth levels him with a high spinning heel kick to the nose. Kilroy meanwhile has drawn in Mistress with the trap and hit the DDT and follows it with a baseball slide to the head. He pins.
ONE!
TWO!
Discipline kicks out.
Goth pins.
One!
Two!
Ozy kicks out!
Both men snap their fingers in disappointment… before locking eyes. They both smirk. They rise and charge each other. They trade punches left and right. Kilroy shoots a takedown and tries to lock in a Boston Crab but Goth kicks him away. He rises to his feet and charges in. Only to be intercepted by Ozymandias with a huge Bossman Slam. Meanwhile Kilroy gets his knees kicked from behind. Discipline grabs him. Ozy hooks the suplex position on Goth. Mistress sets up the powerbomb on Kilroy. Both men struggle but both get hoisted up!
Randy:SINKING FAITH!
Hawke:EXPULSION! Both are pinning at the same time!
Sophia Vasquez drops to the mat in between and counts with both hands.
ONE! ONE!
TWO! TWO!
THREE! THREE-NO!
Hawke: HOLY SHIT! Kilroy somehow managed to kick out. Mistress is in shock sitting on the mat as the bell is being called for!
Randy: Ozymandias has done it! He somehow managed to keep Goth down but Kilroy just refuses to give up ever and Mistress gets shafted out of her first X*Crown.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Kilroy Evans kicked out of the double pin but Psychotic Goth did not. Therefore your winner … and … NEW XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION … from Sin City Championship Wrestling … THE BUTCHER OF REINE … OZYMANDIAS!!!
Ozy rises to his feet as Mistress just holds the legs of Kilroy in disbelief. She watches him ignore her and walk to the middle of the ring. Sophia Vasquez hands Ozy the title and he lifts it high. “In Maidjan” by Heilung hits the speakers. Mistress shoves Kilroy aside and just stares out at the wreckage around her. Ozy walks to the ropes and as he steps through glares at Death Trap as he slides into the ring. DT just stares back with a look that could kill. He crawls over to Mistress and embraces her telling her it should have been hers. She is the rightful champ. As he was too. Ozy can be heard laughing as he walks up the ramp.
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen, this has been an insane event and we apologize for the postponement to this later date.
Randy: Sometimes events dictate these changes. But this has been an amazing show. We have a new TAPOUT champion and a new X*Crown champion! Stay tuned for an announcement from XHF brass about a show coming up at the end of February to honor the fallen.
Hawke: But until next time, for Supremacy, and the XHF Network. That is Randy Angel, I’m Joey Hawke, and we’ll see you at the Rumble!
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen it is a sad day here in the XHF, as the men you see in the ring, memorialized, are no longer with us. XHF Network champions, major attractions, up and comers … and an XHF Legend. We hope you will join us in remembering the fine competitors and the minds behind them here tonight before we get started.
Randy: And be sure to check out the tape delayed J-RoK show on the XHF Network with the final match of XHF Legend Steve Awesome.
*Randy pours one out for Steve Awesome. The Xtremetron shifts to a Rest In Peace graphic as the black and white picture fades out to bring us to the intro to the XHF’s calendar reset … January’s big 4 event … Supremacy.*
The XHF Network Proudly Presents: SUPREMACY 2024
January 28, 2024
XHF Network Arena @ XHF Headquarters, Minneapolis, MN
Capacity: 35,000
As “Living the Dream” by Five Finger Death Punch hits the arena, we see the crowd has begun to come back to life after the somber opening of the show. We tour around the crowd and see signs such as, “Shitshow is the shit!”, “Rizz for Fizz”, “I’m going Cliff Diving!”, “BANANARAMA!”, and “GNR has nothing on Strych!”. As we bounce to another section we find an entire section of fans dressed as the Tapout superstar Tommy Strychnine with a sign labeling them as “Tommyknockers Club”. As we bounce to the opposite side of the arena we see an entire section wearing neon green and wearing various costumes of Steve Awesome in his movies. The entire section is labeled, “Awesome BANG Bros!” As the song continues, pyro goes off signaling the opening of the show proper and we hard cut back to the announce table where we find Joey Hawke and Randy Angel seated. Joey looks over his papers for the show as Randy downs an entire bottle of Bastard Brew.
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an action packed show for you tonight. Four titles on the line, six matches, all insanity.
Randy: And in the main event? The ANNIHILATION COMPLEX! Will Kilroy walk out with his newly won X*Crown intact?
Hawke: Or can one of the eight other challengers take it from him? Two women, five men, and a sex robot all challenge Kilroy’s position as top of the Network.
Randy: I can’t wait, Joey. The Furminator is gonna use Sexcalibur to slay all the others. No no, President Kanyon is gonna run over them all in his wheelchair. NO NO Mistress is gonna take them all to school … or a sex dungeon … or both!
Hawke: Calm down Randy! Before we get there we have the TAPOUT Openweight championship match. A texas Death match between James “NOMAD” Sloane and current defending champ Aiden Merric.
Randy: Right right, and before THAT we have a pair of … interesting … matches for the XHF Junior Heavyweight and XHF Global Tag Titles! His Majesty King Edmund has his minions defend against the final vestiges of DTF, Dana Daniels and Ulysses Cole. And The Star Trekker defends against the Ancient Alien! Someone is going to space, Joey!
Hawke: And to open the show we have a tag match between the Empire and Hardcore Shinjuku, as well as a triple threat match taking our opening spot between Darlene Price, Yuki Sakaraba and a resurrected Donzig! Without further ado … Minneapolis! LET’S GET TO IT!
The crowd was hushed as the lights dimmed. "Untouchable" hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim, the crowd loudly cheering for the woman that is about to emerge. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd... and Eliza Dresden doesn't make them wait for long. Bounding out from behind the curtain, Dresden is quick to make her way to the top of the ramp with Jason Long's technicolor light-up shades shoved up to act like a headband of sorts--and once she's there? She thrusts the latter into the air, earning a fresh wave of cheers. Of course, since she can't be idle for long, Eli is quick to make her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd.
Hawke: This is a very special match in more ways than one. This will be a special guest referee match. With Eli Dresden reffing the match tonight.
She is wearing a striped referee’s shirt tied up to expose her midriff, and she looks at the ring before giving a shrug. She seems more subdued then normal. It's about three-fourths of the way down the ramp that she abandons that, speeding up to slide into the ring headfirst on her stomach before she twists onto her back and kips up to her feet. She's quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, shoving a fist skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she's popping back down and turning to look toward the middle of the ring. As her music fades, she hands the glasses over to a production assistant before checking the ropes with a glance at the ramp eagerly waiting for the match to get underway.
Randy: You know this match is also a tribute to two very special people that left us this past weekend. Cliff Cliffton? And Steve Awesome as you're about to see…
Bonnie Jenkins: This is a triple threat match set for one fall at no time limit! Introducing first, representing UZUMAKI, standing in at five foot two inches tall and weighing in at one hundred and ten pounds, wrestling out of J-ROK by way of Hirosaki, Aomori, Japan… one third of the J-ROK Trios Champions… The Kawaii Supernova Yuki Sakaraba!
The lights flickered again, and then ‘Shining Star’ blasted over the arena. There was a blast of pyros, and then Yuki Sakaraba came from the back. She was wearing shades, and a long black leather coat with bright neon green frills. She walked back and forth as the fans cheered, and one could see her knee pads bore a heart with the letters ‘SA’ inside of them.
Hawke: Yuki paying homage to one of her biggest rivals in J-ROK tonight. Very touching tribute to Steve Awesome by her here tonight.
She paused, and turned as she let the coat fall to reveal she was wearing tights like Steve’s. And then she headed for the ring, nodding at the fans before she slid inside. A nod to Eli, and they bumped fists before she turned towards the ramp.
Bonnie Jenkins: And her opponent representing La Familia standing at five foot eight inches tall and weighing in at one hundred and forty five pounds! Wrestling out of J-ROK by way of the wrong neck of the woods… she is J-ROKS Ambassador Of Violence Darlene Price!
The fans cheered as the Ambassador of Violence stalked from the back. She was wearing a tattered looking long black trenchcoat over a white wifebeater. Over her hair was a dirty looking long ski cap, and she tugged on the worn looking MMA gloves she wore. A pause, and she lifted a finger towards the sky with a slow nod.
Randy: Darlene Price coming back early for a special match. Paying tribute to Cliff Cliffton tonight. She had run-ins with him in SCCW. The two clearly had earned one another's respect after their brutal wars!
Then she headed for the ring, flinging off the coat before she rolled under the ropes. The hat was tossed aside, and she nodded at the other two before climbing the ropes to urge the fans to cheer. And then she leapt down, shaking her head as she looked towards the ramp.
The fans looked up, and then a hooded figure in a long battered black leather coat stepped from the entrance. Head bowed before he looked up to stare at the ring, he wore a metal mask like a stylized skull beneath the hood. And clutched in one hand was a thick leather bound book stamped with the title ‘Paradise Lost’.
Randy: Look up there! It's a bird, no wait, that's a plane? No hold on…
It was Donzig.
Hawke: No it's Donzig!
Randy: How do you know that Hawke?!
Hawke: It's simple Randy. Real simple.
Randy: Oh yeah? So how'd you know?
Hawke: I looked up.
He started down the ramp, shaking his head before he handed the book off to the ring attendant before he climbed the stairs to the ring. A look to the three from behind his mask, and then he leaned in the corner facing away from them.
Hawke: I believe that is the copy of Paradise Lost that Donzig gave to Steve when they teamed together in NPW.
Randy: Only Donzig would give his partner a poem about Satan.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponent representing Donzig-Gun wrestling out of W:UK! Standing in at six foot even and weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds. He is Donzig!
A pause, and then he shoved away before he yanked off the mask to toss it to the timekeeper.
Triple Threat Match
Special Guest Referee: Eli Dresden
Yuki Sakaraba (UZUMAKI) vs. Darlene Price (La Familia) vs. Donzig (Donzig-Gun)
Eli nodded, a hand resting on his shoulder before the three met in the midde of the ring. And she called for the bell, and Dar ran at Donzig battering away at him with hard punches and kicks. She drove him into the corner, delivering hard chops before she turned away to yell at the crowd.
Hawke: This match is off to a hot start!
Randy: Darlene taking it to Donzig! These two have plenty of history wrestling throughout J-ROKS tournaments.
They yelled back, and then Yuki grabbed Dar to hit a quick High Angle German! Dar landed in a heap, shaking her head as she started to rise before Yuki was on her, stomping away before locking on a Fujiwara Armlock! Dar grabbed for the ropes, looking for leverage as Eli asked if she wanted to tap. Yuki leaned back hard, and then she was torn away as Donzig grabbed her by the hair. He flung her at the ropes, and leveled her on the rebound before he hit the ripcord knee! Yuki dropped to the outside, and Donzig glared at her before he turned his narrowed eyes to Dar.
Hawke: Donzig took out Sakaraba. Now he's got his attention on Price!
Randy: These two were the original partners for Cliff tonight. Now facing off against each other! Donzig better be careful though.
Hawke: Why's that?
Randy: She's the most dominant wrestler in all of J-ROK! Trust me I know a thing or two about Japan Joey. And in Japan this woman here is nearly untouchable.
Hawke: Lucky for Donzig we're not in Japan!
He ran at her, delivering thunderous knees to her ribs before he dragged her upwards with a snarl. He snapped her at the ropes, and went for the spinebuster on the rebound! But Dar had it scouted, and dodged him before she hit the ropes to come off with a dropkick of her own! Donzig stumbled backwards, leaning on the ropes before Dar charged in to deliver a hard clothesline that sent him to the outside.
Randy: Donzig knocked outside and into our announce table…
Hawke: And here comes Darlene! Watch out Randy!
Dar looked back and forth, and then ran at the ropes to dive to the outside to send Donzig sprawling against the announce table. The fans cheered, and she dropped a few hard punches on his face as he started to rise. Then Dar dragged him off of the desk, and delivered a brutal looking DDT that left him sprawled across the floor. She turned, and was caught by a Tope Suicida from Yuki!
Hawke: The Shining Star out of nowhere!
All three of them down, and Eli looked at the carnage before shrugging. And she started to count, and the fans ate it up. Donzig rises first as Eli gets to ‘6’, and he tugs at his beard as he looks around wild eyed. He soon turns his gaze on the rising Yuki and drops a few heavy forearms across her back. A snarl, and then he hooks her arms to send her crashing through one of the announce tables with the Reaper’s Touch! (Deathrider DDT)
Randy: Oh no! Yuki through the Spanish Announce Table!
The fans boo, and Donzig stares at them before he grabs Dar to toss her hard into the ring stairs before he grabs the ropes to pull himself up the ringpost. Eli shakes her head, calling up to him as Donzig is not exactly known for his aerial moves. But he ignores her, staring down at Dar as she sprawls in the wreckage of the stairs. He points upwards, and then leaps off. WRATH OF THE DRAGON!
Hawke: Holy Shi-
But Dar Price sees it coming, and moves out of the way! Donzig sprawls amidst the wreckage as Eli gapes, and he struggles to rise before Dar stomps away at him before stumbling off towards the rising Yuki. Dar grabs her by the hair, and bounces her head against the barricade before she flings her at the edge of the ring. Yuki slumps against the ring, and Dar grabs her to fling her inside of the ring before crawling in after her. A quick kick to the gut, and Dar grabbed her to lift her across her shoulders. CLIFF DIVE (Razor’s Edge)!
Randy: Cliff Dive from Price! What a move!
The fans cheer, and Dar makes the cover as EIi dives for the count!
1…
…2…
……
….Dar is ripped to the outside by a limping Donzig, who angrily stomps at her back! He fumes and rips at his beard as he curses under his breath before he grabs the back of her sweats to rip her upwards. And he flings her into the barricade before he rolls inside to glare at the downed Yuki! EVERYONE’S FAVORITE SUBMISSION HOLD!
Hawke: A move Yuki knows all too well! Just not from Donzig!
The fans jeer as Donzig wrenches backwards, a knee buried in Yuki’s back as she shakes her head at Eli. The fans are going wild, and Dar runs back inside to stomp away at Donzig who breaks the hold. The place is going crazy, and Dar drops back to hit the ropes before running forward to nail the rising Scourge with the FASH STAMP! Cover!
1…
…2…
……YUKI hits a low dropkick into the face of Dar, and the pin falls apart as Eli looks on with a bemused smile! Yuki comes to her feet, and looks down at the pair before she hits the crotch chops at them. The place explodes, and then she grabs Dar to snap her at the ropes.
Randy: Yuki getting fired up!
SUPER GALACTIC COLLIDER!
Hawke: Huge lariat from Sakaraba! But look at Donzig he's changing!
Dar is down, and Yuki laughs before she turns her gaze towards the rising Donzig who is looking more and more like his old self as he spits and fumes. He takes a step forward, limping slightly before Yuki shrugs before nailing a JAW BREAKER SUPERKICK that sends him sprawling to the mat! Another pop, and Eli winces as she looks down at the battered Donzig. Yuki stalks back towards Dar, and starts paint brushing the back of her head with slaps. She yells ‘Paint the Fence!’ and then laughs at her own joke before her legs are knocked from under her by the angry Dar. Dar rolls her up, and starts drilling her with mounted punches. And the fans are going wild as Yuki tries to cover up, twisting and turning before she sprays the GALACTIC MIST! Dar staggers back, screaming in fury as she wipes at her eyes and face. Yuki is on her feet! TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Dar sprawls on the mat, and Yuki leaps to the turnbuckle!
Hawke: Great combo by Yuki and she's up high for the…
Tsuki no Hane!
Randy: What an impressive double rotation moonsault from Yuki! This might be it!
The fans groan, and Yuki makes the cover!
1…
…2…
……KICKOUT!
Yuki gapes as Eli holds up two fingers, before she rises to her feet to reach for Dar. And then her head snaps forward as Donzig drives her face across his knee. He flings her aside, and cocks his head as he rubs at his jaw before stalking after her.Not talking trash for the moment it seems! Yuki is back on her feet, and Donzig buries a boot in her stomach!EVENT HORIZON! Boos, and Donzig glares at the fans before Dar grabs Donzig to fling him at the ropes. He hits them, and comes off backwards to deliver another STUNNER! Dar drops, and Donzig looks around wild eyed before he rolls to the outside as Eli tries to reign him in. He goes under the ring, throwing a pair of tables inside before he rolls back inside. And he sits one up, snarling and spitting before he waves a hand across the top of it. Flames leap up, snapping angrily as Eli blinks in surprise before Donzig wipes a hand across his mouth before he grabs Dar by the hair. He drags her forward, and looks ready to powerbomb her through it!
Hawke: This looks like trouble!
But Yuki comes from nowhere firing another Steve Awesome style Jawbreaker kick across Dar’s back to snap into his jaw! The Scourge crashes through his own burning table, flames exploding around him before he lays smoking in the wreckage. Eli stares in surprise, and then laughs before Yuki delivers a crotch chop before turning her attention to Dar. She fires off a few stiff shots across Dar’s back, and then hits her with an AWESOME-PLEX! The fans cheer, and Yuki pauses before she climbs the turnbuckles with ill intent! This could be the end for Dar as Eli Dresden steps back, and then Yuki comes off the ropes with a Moonsault!
Hawke: Another Tsuki No Hane from Yuki Sakaraba! This could be it!
RU486!
Randy : No ones ever kicked out of the RU486!
Yuki is down, and the place is going wild as even Eli cheers at Dar who dives for the cover!
1…
…2…
……
……PARADISE LOST SLAMS ACROSS DAR’S FACE!
Randy: Donzig saves the match!
She rolls away, looking dazed as Donzig looking rather burned laughs that weird rasping laugh as he leans against the ropes! He shoves the book at Eli, and staggers to his feet before he grabs Dar by the back of the wifebeater and sweat pants to toss her outside. He staggers a bit, limping before he grabs Yuki once more. He drags her upwards, and fires her at the ropes! SPINEBUSTER! The fans boo, and he rolls her over as he locks on the PENNSYLVANIA CLOVERLEAF! The fans are furious, and he leans back hard as Eli drops to see if Yuki wants to tap. She shakes her head, and the fans are eating it up!
Hawke: Yuki in trouble but not giving up just yet!
Dar is back, and leans forward from the apron with a smile at the snarling Donzig! AND SHE BREATHES FIRE AT HIS FACE!
Randy: Darlene with the breath of fire into the crispy face of Donzig!
Donzig yells, and drops the hold as he falls backwards with a shake of his head as smoke swirls from his beard. Dar leaps to the ringpost! FROGSPLASH! The place goes wild, and Dar shoves Donzig to the outside before she points at Yuki!
Hawke: These two rivals are ready to go at it again!
Yuki motions for her to bring itl The two trading punches in the center of the ring, and the fans are going wild before Dar snaps Yuki at the ropes! Dropkick! Yuki falls across the middle rope, and Dar runs backwards to come off the other side! "From CLE with Love"! Cover!
1…
…2…
……YUKI KICKS OUT!
Dar curses as Eli holds up the two, and drags Yuki back to her feet. She delivers a few chops, and fire her at the corner as she charges after her! AWESOME-SAULT!
Randy: What an Awesome moonsault!
Dar drops, and Yuki laughs as she looks around at the wreckage before she shrugs to El. She grabs the not destroyed table, and slowly sits it up in the far corner! She turns, and gives Eli the double thumbs up before yelling ‘TABLE FOR ONE!’ Eli groans, and shakes her head before quipping ‘One more like that, and you’re out.’ The Kawaii Supernova walks across the ring, delivering a few quick knees to the rising Dar before she drags her towards the table. Then she lifts her, flinging her across her shoulders as she calls for the KAWAII DRIVER!
Randy: That's her super finish! No one kicks out of those!
Dar slips free, and delivers a hard boot to the stomach of Yuki as she turns! Then she grabs her flipping her upwards! CLIFF DIVE THROUGH THE TABLE! The Supremacy crowd is on their feet, and Dar drags Yuki from the wreckage before leaping onto the turnbuckle! A glance at the fans, and she nods before she comes off the top turnbuckle! WRATH OF THE DRAGON! COVER!
1…
…2…
……THREEEEEEE!
Bonnie Jenkins: “Your winner of this match… Darlene Price!”
Hawke: What a match!
Randy: What do you expect, this is Supremacy!
The fans boo, jeering as the Empty Hand Gavin Drake stomps towards the ring with a sneer cast at them. Behind him follows Slam 3 who laughs at the booing fans with a mocking grin, and behind them came David Slam the Second who was nodding to himself as he clapped.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following is an EXTREME RULES tag-team match and is schedules for ONE FALL! Making their way to the ring are Gavin Drake and Slam the 3rd, they are….THE EMPIRE!
Drake climbed the stairs, stepping between the ropes as he paced back and forth. And Slam Three rolled inside, leaping onto the ringpost to smirk down at the fans. He laughed, mocking them before he jumped down to lean on the ropes. Drake meanwhile was glowering up the ramp, eyes narrowed.
Hawke: You might have noticed that this was originally a trios match. Now it’s a tag match.
Randy: Yeah! But can you guess who’s not in the match now?
Hawke: I’m sure anyone who looks at the card can see the two wrestlers not in the match.
The Supremacy Crowd was on their feet as Hardcore City Shinjuku came from the back, Saito yelling at the fans to come on. He charged down the ramp, high fiving them as he leapt across the barricades as they urged him on. He nodded, smiling before he cast an angry glance at the ring with a roll of leather clad shoulders.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents…..HARDKORE CITY SHINJUKU!
Behind him came the one and only Captain Anarchy, who also greeted the fans before he stopped at the bottom of the ramp. His eyes narrowed on Drake, and he pointed at him angrily. Last and never least, walked the cloaked diminutive figure of Shinkurain Kōtaishi. He pointed at Slam the Second, and shook his head as the man protested.
Hawke: It looks like there’s no love lost between these groups!
Randy: I for one am looking forward to some axes being ground tonight!
Saito climbed inside the ring, flinging off his jacket as he stepped right up to the hulking Drake. He stared right up at him, and Anarchy tried to pull him back as Slam 3 leaned over Drake’s shoulder talking trash. Drake snorted, and stepped back as the ref tried to reign them in before calling for the bell.
Tag Team Match
Extreme Rules Match
The Empire (Gavin Drake and David Slam III) vs. Hardcore City Shinjuku (Haruku Saito and Captain Anarchy)
Drake lunged forward, and he started throwing stiff shots into Saito before he snapped him at the ropes. He leveled him on the rebound with a lariat, and Saito landed in a heap. Meanwhile Slam was battering away at Anarchy, driving him hard into the corner to choke him with his foot! The fans were booing, and Slam called to Drake before he threw Anarchy his way!
Hawke: POWERSLAM!
Randy: That shook the ring!
The fans jeered, and Anarchy rolled to the outside holding his back as Slam Three laughed from the ropes. Drake glared around angrily, and then shoved himself upwards to grab the recovering Saito by the neck. He yanked him backwards, snarling at him before he flung him at the corner! The fans booed, and the Son of the Conqueror roared at them before he charged in.
Hawke: Here comes trouble!
But Saito rolled up, and drove both feet into the face of the oncoming Drake! The big man staggered back, shaking his head before he started forward again as Saito scrambled before coming off with a Tornado DDT! The fans exploded, and Slam charged forward only to be caught with a knife edged chop from the Young Lion! He snapped another and another one, and Slam was driven backwards as his arm snapped across his chest to batter him into the corner.
Randy: Slam isn’t feeling so good after that one!
Drake was on his feet, and ran in but Saito moved out of the way! The two slammed together in the corner, and Slam sagged against the ropes before Saito was swatted aside by Drake! The fans groaned, and the Empty Hand turned!
Randy: GARBAGE CAN LID ACROSS THE HEAD FROM CAPTAIN ANARCHY!
Hawke: And this has just gotten more violent!
He staggered, and the can snapped across his back and shoulders before being bent across his head again. The fans were going wild, and he threw the lid down before he buried his boot in his stomach. NO GODS, NO MASTERS! Cover!
1…
….2….
…….KICKOUT!
The fans booed, and Anarchy cursed as he looked at the ref. Drake rolled over, and he grabbed for him only to be grabbed by Slam the Third who sent him flying with a suplex! Anarchy fell from the ring, and Slam tossed his hair back before he charged at the rising Saito to level him with a knee to the head.
Hawke: I knew this would be hard hitting, but I didn’t really expect it to go this hard!
Saito fell to the outside, and the place went wild as Slam went to the apron before he dived off with a Hurricarana! Saito sprawled, and Slam grinned as he leaned back against the apron with his arms spread mockingly to the fans. Then he bent down, and he dragged a table from under it. He flung it inside, and Drake rose to set it up as Slam grabbed Saito to drag him towards the ring.
Randy: Anything is legal in this kind of match and both teams are making use of that!
But Captain Anarchy came off the stairs with a double axe handle, and the fans cheered as Slam Three staggered backwards. Anarchy grabbed him, driving his head into the top of the barricade before he flung him across the area to send him sprawling against the barrier! And he charged off, hitting a leg drop before he came off with a roar at the fans! Then he was grabbed by the Empty Hand, and Drake snarled down at him before he flung him across his shoulders!
Hawke: REIGNMAKER!
Randy: That could break a person!
Anarchy was down in a broken heap, and Drake laughed a terrible sound as he rose. And a chair cracked across his head, and then another, and then a third! Saito flung down the chair and grabbed a cable, wrapping it around his throat as he buried a knee in his back. He yanked backwards, choking Drake as the big man clawed his way upwards before reaching back to grab for him. Saito kept ahold, and Drake sagged to his knees!
Randy: SIMBA CLUTCH! SIMBA CLUTCH!
Hawke: I think they heard you the first time.
Randy: Oh come on, every commentator does it.
Drake clawed at the mat, trying to get free as the fans were going wild as the ref asked if he wanted to tap. Slam the Second ran forward, and drove a booted foot into the face of Saito! He fell off, and all four men were down Slam the Second grinned down at Saito and then turned to look down at the impassive mask of Shinkurain Kōtaishi! He started to back up, and the small man ran at him! LOW DROPKICK! DDT ON THE CEMENT!
Hawke: Yow! That’s gonna leave a mark!
Randy: Maybe even on the cement!
The fans exploded, and Shinkurain Kōtaishi leapt to the apron as he pointed at the older Slam! He leapt off, and was caught by the rising Draake! REIGNMAKER! The fans booed, and the small man lay broken as Slam the Second gaped as Drake stared down at his fallen foe with a sick demented grin before he walked over to grab Anarchy, he flung him inside before he grabbed Slam the Third as he pointed at the ringpost!
Hawke: What is he planning?
Then he rolled inside, and grabbed the masked man once more with a fistful of beard before he threw him onto the table! Slam looked for the ASSASSIN STOMP! But went flying from the turnbuckle as a bat wrapped in barbed wire hammered across his back. He landed in a heap, and the fans exploded as Saito held the bat high! Drake stared at him, a look of blind fury on his face as to the mind of even a traitor to Donzig-gun only one person could wield such a weapon. He charged forward, aiming a boot at Saito!
Randy: Here it comes!
Hawke: Waiiiiit-
Saito rolled aside, and Drake was hung up before the bat was cracked across his head and shoulders. Blood flowed as he fell back, and Saito followed him inside before he stopped to try and light the weapon! But it wouldn’t light! Drake grabbed him hitting a thunderous German Suplex! The bat rolled free, and Drake stalked backwards before he dropped into the corner with a snarl.
Hawke: What could we see next?
Randy: For me? Hopefully double!
He motioned for Saito to rise, and Anarchy leapt onto his back to wrap his arms around his neck and throat! The fans explode, and Anarchy tightens the hold before Drake starts driving himself into the ropes with lunge after lunge before Anarchy came lose.
Hawke: URU NAGA!
Saito rose, and Drake charged! CLAYMORE! The fans groaned, and Slam Three came off the ropes with DROPPING THE DIME! COVER!
1….
2….
……THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winners…….THE EMPIRE!
Jeers as Slam the Third rose, throwing his arms in the air before Drake shook his head before he grabbed Anarchy as he rose. And he hit the Reignmaker threw the table, and it exploded into wreckage as the masked bearded man lay in a heap. Drake grinned wildly, and he rose to bump elbows with Slam the Third before he slid from the ring as Saito checked on his team mate.
Hawke: The Empire may have gotten the victory but it looks like things are quite done for this feud yet!
Randy: But it is for tonight, onto the next match!
Bonnie Jenkins: Our next match is a Space Pod Match! The wrestler who can place their opponent inside the Space Pod and... launch them into space? *ahem* LAUNCH THEM INTO SPACE will be declared the winner and XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!
Randy: This is going to be great!
Hawke: Because we've had so much success in these types of matches in the past...
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first... the challenger, standing at six feet, one inches and weighting in tonight at two hundred and eighteen pounds. He is from Deep in the Pyramids of Egypt... The Discovery+ ANCIENT ALIEN!!!
Static is heard over the house speakers. In fact, static is felt throughout the arena. Suddenly there is a whirring sound as Discovery+ Ancient Alien seems to almost glide to the ring. The theme from Ancient Aliens begins to echo around as the shill for the Warner Bros. Discovery group seems to float right to the apron. He lands there and poses before smiling and whipping around to the crowd to flash his fancy logo'd gloves. He then steps into the ring.
Randy: Now, tell me something, Joey. The Pyramids in Egypt...
Hawke: Yes?
Randy: Are said to be constructed by Aliens?
Hawke: Aliens.
Randy: But why? I mean if their technology is so advanced... why straght lines? Why triangles? I mean hell, the cavemen invted the wheel... at least it has a purpose. What do pyramids do other than scheme people out of money?
Hawke: ...
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent...
The lights go out as the 8-bit Star Trek: The Next Generation theme begins to play.
Randy: Check it out!
Hawke: Reminicent of her trip to Vegas back in November...
There is a flash of light that seems to shoot from the rafters towards the ring, with an odd, almost twinkling sound effect.
Bonnie Jenkins:From the Starfleet Headquarters, erm… Somewhere near San Francisco… She is the current XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! Paramount Plus' Very Own… STAR TREKKER!!!
The lights begin flashing and when the arena lights are finally raised, The Star Trekker is standing in the middle of the ring, holding her championship high above her head, a big smile on her face.
Hawke: If spectacular entrances win you matches, I know where I'd wager my bets.
Randy: I think the fans agree. Listen to this crowd, Joey.
"Let's Go MAX"
"PAR-A-MOUNT!"
"Let's Go MAX"
"PAR-A-MOUNT"
"PAR-A-MOUNT!"
"Let's Go MAX"
"PAR-A-MOUNT"
The referee is handed the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, who hands it over to the time keeper. One final rundown of the rules and they exit the ring, leaving Ancient Alien and Star Trekker to look around, soaking in the moment. The ref calls for the bell.
XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Space Pod Match
The Discovery+ Ancient Alien (GUNS) vs. Paramount+'s The Star Trekker ©
DING DING!
The two Streaming Combatants circle each other, Trekker in her Starfleet jumpsuit and Ancient Alien in his Intergalactic leotard. The two of them lock-up in the center of the ring and the crowd goes wild!
"G-U-N-S!"
"GUNS GUNS GUNS!"
"GUNS GUNS GUNS!"
But the two of them go nowhere. In fact, there is little struggle between them, they are more of less just holding each other's shoulders.
Randy: Honestly I don't even know why they are chantings GUNS. Star Trekker jumped ship a long time ago in a gala-
Hawke: They lock up! Well, not really...
They break the "hold" and each take a step back. Ancient Alien lunges forward but Star Trekker evades. He spins and quickly evades Trekker who tries for a hold this time. Each nod in approval. They both begin to turn away but immediately lunge forward to catch the other off guard, in doing so they bump heads and stumble back. Trekker looks around at how wild the crowd is. She gets lost in thought for a minute.
Star Trekker: This reminds me a lot of Bread and Circuses.
Ancient Alien: From Satire X? I'm familiar.
Star Trekker: No. From the penultimate episode of the second season of Star Trek. See, The USS Enterprise is out patroling when it finds wreckage from the SS Beagle. Further investigation lands Kirk, Spock and Dr. McCoy on a planet where they find a bit of a 20th-centruy parallel to Earth's Ancient Rome. The survivors from the Beagle who are on this planet, were forced to either join into their culture or be enslaved to fight to the death in Gladiator style matches. At one point they even suggest that Kirk and his crew abandon the Enterpise and assimilate into the planet's culture. Of course Kirk refuses leading to Spock and McCoy being sent to fight as gladiators.
Randy: Oh my God, does she ever shut up about Star Trek? I'm not drunk enoug- I mean I'm not... yeah I'm not drunk enough to hear her drone on and on
Trekker continues talking but realizes everyone is ignoring her. Which is exactly what she wants as she has slid out of the ring and grabbed a chair. Still giving the rundown of the Star Trek plot, she slides in the ring, raising the chair.
Hawke: Oh. Uh. Ahem. Wake up. I just realized Trekker has a chair.
Randy: Huh? Oh yeah, you're right. What a smart move. Bore everyone out of their minds and take advantage of it!
Just before she swings the chair, Ancient Alien realizes Trekker is no longer talking. He turns and sees her lift the chair. She stops and shrugs but Ancient Alien slides under the bottom ropesand lifts the ring skirt.
Randy: Why did she stop? I say swing for the fences there and end the match early.
Hawke: I think with Ancient Alien catching her in the act, she figured it would be better to get the advantage another way. What is Ancient Alien doing though?
Ancient Alien comes back up holding a chair of his own. But it's wrapped in aluminum foil with green tinsel taped all over it, and green Chrismtas Lights are tied to it so it gives the entire thing an extrateresstrial hue.
Randy: Here we go. Better Technology!
Hawke: It's a chair. Just like Trekker has.
Randy: But Better! And Green!
Ancient Alien gets in the ring and almost in a panic, Trekker throws her chair at him. He knocks it down with his space chair. As Ancient Alien is distracted, Trekker goes for a roll up! But the ref just stares at her.
Randy: No pin falls genius!
Hawke: She got caught up in the moment. In a normal match, she may have stolen one there and been on her way to the back, title still in hand.
Trekker is all smiles as she gets to her feet, realizing her mistake. Ancient Alien is back up and Trekker let's him know she could have beaten him there in other conditions. He nods and holds out his hand.
Hawke: Oh wow, Ancient Alien showing some good sportsmanship here. I never would have thou-
Just as Trekker goes to shake her opponent's hand, he slips by her and goes for his own roll up!
Randy: Why?
The crowd counts two two, not like it matters, and both streaming soldiers are back to their feet. This time, it's Trekker who smiles, holding out her hand this time. Ancient Alien eyes her.
Randy: Yeah, like he's going to fall for that. He just tried that trick!
Hawke: I think she means it though. Look at her.
Ancient Alien decides the same and slolwy reaches his hand out. They clasp hands and shake.
Hawke: See?
Randy: That's nause-
Just as quick as they shake, both try for a quick Irish whip, but lower their bases as well, blocking. The result is a crouched stare down between them both, a little smirk forming in the corner of the champion's mouth. She stands and shoves away, trying to whip Ancient across the ring, but again he holds his ground. He yanks his arm away much to Trek's chagrin.
Hawke: Listen to the crowd, they are eating this up.
Randy: But why? I mean they aren't even doing anything. Oh, come on? What is she doing? Again?
Star Trekker again holds her hand out, and Ancient Alien shakes his head. She plays to the crowd, trying to get them behind it. Starting a chant.
"CABLE SUCKS!"
"CABLE SUCKS!"
"CABLE SUCKS!"
"CABLE SUCKS!"
"CABLE SUCKS!"
Randy: You have to admit, at the end of the day they are all on the same team. Streaming IS better than cable. I mean, that's what the fine viewers of the XHF Network are doing this very moment! At least I hope they are, or else who the hell is going to pay us?
Ancient Alien smiles and nods his head along with the chant in agreement, holding out his hand. Trekker grabs is and tries to pull him in, but again it goes nowhere. Instead, she quickly steps in towards him, spinning behind and grabbing a waist lock. Ancient Alien spins through reversing it, and pushes Trekker towards the ropes. She holds on to the top, and Ancient Alien flips back by himself. He pops back up in time to get lightly clipped by a kick as Trekker cartwheels by. It stuns him enough to allow her to pop up.
Hawke: Trekker again tries to outsmart Ancient Alien.
Randy: Yeah but come on... Aliens. They are much smarter than us.
Hawke: Nevertheless, Trekker kind of lands that cartwheeling kick and she's back up, looking to keep the pressure on Ancient Alien.
Trekker grabs a side headlock, but Ancient Alien lowers his body for leverage, before shoving Trekker off him and into the ropes. She rebounds quickly with a shoulder block knocking the Discovery rep down. Trekker runs the ropes, hops over Alien's body, hitting the ropes again. Ancient Alien jumps back to his knees and sweeps her legs. He stares out to the Pod.
Hawke: He'll have to find a way to get her into the pod to win this championship.
Randy: Then what? Launch her to outspace?
Hawke: Well, I'm being told that's the goal...
As Ancient goes to stand, Treker kips up and kicks his legs out from under him. He hits the ground. She motions for the ref to open the pod and tries to shove him towards the bottom rope.
Hawke: Bold move to try to end it on a move like that...
Ancient rolls over, and kips up but Treker has rolled off and she kips up at the same time. The crowd cheers for both of them. Ancient gets in Trekkers face.
Ancient Alien:WARNER BROTHERS DISCOVERY IS BETTER THAN PARAMOUNT!!!
The crowd lets out an audible gasp as it looks like Trekker was just smacked in the face. She backs up and regroups before stepping back in.
Star Trekker: WHO IS STREAMING THE SUPER BOWL LIVE?
The crowd explodes!
Randy: It's getting heated. Speaking of the Super Bowl, do you think Taylor Swift is going to make it?
Hawke: Easy, Randy. You are going to have all the Brads and Chads upset at us.
Randy: When are the Brads and Chads not mad at us?
They lock up, and Trekker quickly pulls Ancient Alien in, spinning him around and trying for a sleeper hold. He counters with a snap mare takeover, and locks in a chin lock for good measure! Trekker impressively bridges up and gets back to a vertical base as Ancient tries to hold on. The champ grabs the challenger's arm and quickly falls to her back, leaving Ancient yelling out in pain at the arm breaker.
Hawke: Beautiful counter with the fall away armbreaker.
As Ancient Alien gets back to his feet, Trekker mocks his pain and then throws him into the corner. As he stumbles back out, she grabs his arm, twists under and hits him with a shoulder block, trying to dislocate the Big D's shoulder in the process. She twists the arm again, and hits another shoulder block, taking Ancient Alien to the mat, but not letting go of his arm.
Hawke: Trekker staying with the arm. Since becoming the champion she's gotten more impressive.
Randy: Yeah, because Pie matches and the likes are REAL impressive.
Trekker lifts Alien back up and hits another shoulder block, dropping him to his knees. Again, she holds on to his arm. Ancient Alien, sensing he is in trouble, tries to reach for the rope so that Trekker has to break the hold. Every time he gets close, Trekker pulls him away, in complete control. Ancient Alien tries to use his strength but Trekker uses the momentum to shift around and get behind him, before hitting a big German suplex!
Randy: Oh!
Hawke: See, impressive!
Randy: You have a point there, but it looks like she did just as much damage to her own back as she did to Ancient Alien with that suplex.
Trekker gets to her feet, holding her back, the suplex taking a lot out of her as well. She walks over to Alien, picking him up, before throwing him towards the ropes with an impressive hip toss. She motions and the ref opens the pod.
Hawke: Trekker shoves at Alien with her boots. He's got hold of the bottom rope though! I don't think she's going to get him in there.
She lays down and tries to get more leverage but to no avail. Trekker slaps the mat in frustration. Meanwhile, Ancient Alien begins to pull himself up with the ropes, fired up at being able to avoid the pod. Trekker is there though, and slings (no pun intended) him across the ring with another hip toss. She jumps up and down, trying to work the pain out of her back. The crowd stops their feet in unison as Trekker backs into one corner. She charges across the ring and goes for a corner cannonball, but Ancient Alien manages to move and Trekker crashes back first into the bottom buckle.
Randy: Nobody home!
Hawke: The champion is hurt pretty bad but she's trying to pull herself up.
Ancient walks over towards the corner, just as Trekker slowly makes her way back to her feet. He scoops her up and slams her down on his knee in a backbreaker as she yells out. Trekker reaches out for the bottom rope as Ancient Alien looks to build on the momentum swing.
Randy: Yeah, I think her fantasy run with that title is coming to an end!
He picks Trekker up, positioning her for a sidewalk slam, but quickly turns her at the last moment into another crunching backbreaker. Trekker is in a world of hurt but Ancient Alien is in no hurry. He stays down on his knees for a moment, before slowly getting up. He picks Trekker up and hits a scoop slam in the center of the ring. Ancient backs up to the ropes, rebounds and hits a splash! He gives the ref a nod.
Hawke: This could be it! We may have a new champion!
Randy: He's got her up... and over the ropes!
Ancient Alien attempts to toss Trekker over the ropes but she hands on to the top, impressively, and stops from crashing into the pod. She flips back over the ropes and lands but is met with a dropkick for her efforts.
Randy: Look at the athleticism to hold on there. OH
Hawke: Dropkick! Ancient Alien is dialed in!
Ancient Alien gets to his feet and immediately steps behind Trekker who has rolled over on her stomach. He grabs her arms and pulls them back, wrenching them. She yells out, trying to get to her knees but Ancient Alien has control now. Just as Trekker is able to get to a kneel, Ancient Alien lets go of her arms, grabs a rear chokehold and puts his knees into her back. He drops to the ground, rockig her back onto his knees. The hold looks brutal and the scream she lets out matches the visual.
Hawke: Kind of a surfboard backbreaking chinlock here. Very impressive move. Trekker may pass out from the pain, she has no where to go!
Randy: That will make Alien's job easy.
Trekker tries to fight the hold. She yells out so loud it startles Ancient Alien enough for the hold to slip a bit. Trekker sinks her teeth into his forearm, breaking the hold.
Randy: Ha! She just bit him! That's one way to get out of it!
Ancient Alien shakes his arm and stalks the champion who is crawling around the ring, still in pain. As Ancient Alien approaches, Trekker shoves him away. She tries to use the ropes to help stand. Ancient Alien moves back in, backing Trekker into the corner before sending her across the ring with authority, her back crashing into the corner with a thud. She hits the ground.
Randy: Ouch!
The ref checks on Trekker as Ancient Alien steps back over, picking her up and throwing her into the opposite corner again, with all his strength. She nails the turnbuckles again hits the mat. Ancient Alien hits the mat too, holding previously injured arm.
Hawke: Trekker may need medical attention here. Wait... it looks like Ancient Alien threw his arm out a bit too. The damage earlier in the match is catching back up to him.. Despite how silly the Streaming Wars can be at times, Randy, you have to admit we are seeing a pretty good match here tonight for the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Randy: We are. But at some point we have to see them take this outside the ring. All this ring work is fine but the pod is out there!
Ancient Alien makes it back to his feet and walks over to Trekker. He lifts her legs and tries to turn her over for a Boston crab, but Trekker blocks it. He shifts his weight and tries to rotate her in the opposite direction but again Trekker is able to block. As Ancient Alien attempts to shift back the other way, Trekker shows impressive leg strength and flips Ancient over and to the mat, buying her some valuable breathing time.
Randy: I can't believe she still has strength in her legs, given how bad her back is hurting, to be able to flip Alien like that.
Hawke: They each look to catch a breath and reset! Trekker wants to bring the fight to the challenger!
Both competitors make their way to their feet. Trekker is actually first and runs in. Ancient goes for a clothesline that is ducked. Trekker grabs a waistlock, looking for another German suplex but doesn't have the strength. Ancient reverses the hold and lifts for his own suplex, but can't get Trekker all the way over. She leans forward, getting her feet back on the ground and reverses the hold once again. Then Ancient reverses. Then Trekker. Then... you guessed it... Ancient reverses.
Randy: Are they fighting or dancing?
Hawke: You heard of suplex city, this is the Waist Lock Highway on the way...
Randy: Woah woah woah... you can't say that.
Hawke: Waist Lock Highway?
Randy: No. Suplex Ci-HEY! Good try!
Trekker tries to power out of the waist lock but can't. Instead, she drops down to all fours and crawls backwards under Ancient Aliens legs. He turns around and is met with a hurricanrana. They both get to their feet and Trekker hits the ropes, rebounds, and hits another hurricanrana! She motions to the ref as they make their way up again, Trekker again hits the ropes. She goes for another hurricanrana but Ancient Alien holds on, lifting her back up for a powerbomb.
Hawke: The pace is really picking up. A third hurric-NO! Ancient Alien holds on, POWERBOM-
Trekker swiftly pokes Ancient in the eyes and slips off him, grabbing his head on the way down and hitting a DDT! The momentum takes him crashing over to the bottom rope!
Randy: -EYE POKE DDT! IT'S OVER!
Hawke: She's going to retain!
Trekker stands up and runs the ropes again for good measure and hits Ancient Alien with a basement dropkick that sends him out and into the Pod. She crawls over and reaches out to close it but Ancient Alien is able to roll out of it just in time as the lid closes with a thud.
Hawke: JUST ESCAPES! I thought it was over Randy!
Randy: Yeah, you and this whole arena. It's like someone knocked the breath out of everyone in the stands.
Trekker gets back to her feet, leaning on the ropes to catch her breath. She lets Ancient pull himself back into the ring and she goes for a superkick! It's caught by Ancient! He quickly drops down, snapping her knee over and down to the mat. Trekker lands awkwardly. They both get back up, but Trekker is favoring her knee in the corner. Ancient charges in and hits a clothesline, dropping her. He climbs up on the top turnbuckle but is taking too much time.
Hawke: I'm not sure I agree with going up top. The man is exhausted.
Randy: He is taking an awful long time, but Trekker is out of it. That clothesline may have done her in once and for all.
Hawke: I think you're right. Why not throw her in the pod and win the title?
As Ancient Alien makes it to the top, Trekker explodes to her feet and dives, knocking him off balance. He is racked on the top turnbuckle, clearly in pain. She asks the ref to open the pod.
Randy: Oh no! No little ETs running around for him after this one!
Trekker has Ancient Alien straddled on the top turnbuckle! She ascends and looks around the arena. She balls her fist, taking a moment to stare at it, before holding it up high in the air. The crowd cheers loudly! She throws a punch that softly lands! And another! A third!
Randy: She's absolutely rocking Ancient!
Hawke: I wouldn't say rocking... Absolutely annoying him, more like it.
Ancient Alien shakes off the weak punches, visibly frustrated and shoves Star Trekker off the top ropes, but at the last second, he reaches out and grabs her hair!
Randy: It's a top rope Giorgio Tsoukalos Abduction!
Hawke: Ouch! And with no disqualifications, he can hold it all night!
Trekker is yelling out as she feels the hair trying to leave her scalp. The arm damage from ealier is once again too much though as Ancient Alien can't hold her up any longer. He lets go. When Trekker's feet finally hit the mat, she stands there, a shocked look on her face and her hair sticking straight up. Ancient Alien smiles and claps his hands for a job well done. As he gets down, his eyes are locked in on the pod and he doesn't see the leg. It catches him square on the chin.
Hawke: The Riker Maneuver!
The slow leg clothesline catches Ancient off guard, and he stumbles back, hitting the ropes. As he rebounds, Trekker goes for a second Riker Maneuver but Discvoery's Ancient Alien ducks under it and and pulls the champion's head back into a reverse headlock.
Hawke: Ancient Alien comes off the ropes, Trekker looking for a second Riker Maneuver! NO! She misses! Ancient Alien has her....HBO MAX!!!
Randy: Wait...
Just as Ancient Alien tries to hit the rolling cutter, Trekker shimmies out of it, grabbing Ancient Alien by the neck and digging her fingers into his shoulder. Alien yelps as his right arm goes limp.
Hawke: Vulcan Nerve Pinch is locked in!
Randy: Right, not like that does anything.
Whether Randy is right or wrong, it's debatable. What isn't debatable is Trekker is able to drag Ancient Alien to the ropes while still holding the nerve pinch. She shoves him against the ropes digging her thumb and fingers deeper into the flesh and muscle.
Randy: He's going over!
As Ancient Alien begins to flip over the top rope, Trekker releases the hold and gives a swift karate chop that more than likely added insult to the injury instead of actually doing damage. Alien lands in the pod and Trekker lenas through the middle ropes, slamming the door shut. She lands on the top, completley exhausted.
DING! DING! DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner... AND STILLLLLLLL The XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion!!! PARAMOUNT+'S THE STAR TREKKER!!!!
The ref raises Star Trekker's arm in victory but she knows her mission is not complete yet. She grabs a padlock and secures it on the latch as Ancient Alien begins kicking the top of the lid, trying to open the pod.
Randy: I believe MAX is just about to be launced out of the streaming wars all together!
Hawke: No... that thing doesn't actually... work does it?
Randy: We are about to find out!
Trekker rolls the pod over onto the launching mechanism as the crowd cheers loudly. She presses the button.
Randy: LOOKOU- beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
The pod takes off right towards the power equipment and crashes into it as sparks fly and we momentarily lose the network stream.
The shot fades up on the ring with golf bags in each corner. Carts and other various golf related objects are scattered around the ring side. There is also a giant glass aquarium filled with a dark liquid. Hawke sits at the commentary table with Phil Blauer who is dressed in old fashion golfer clothes.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following is a Caddyshack match for the XHF Tag Team Championships.
Hawke: DTF has closed shop, but it’s time to see if two of their most memorable wrestlers can win gold from the new champions. I’m joined by a special guest for this match, Hardkore World’s Phil Blauer.
Phil: Pleasure to be here, Hawks. I just want to set the record straight that this is just a guest appearance. I’m not replacing Randy full time even though I am way better at his job. Angel is my friend and this is a favor to him.
“No Rain” by Blind Melon plays and Dana Daniels shuffles down to the ring in his black and yellow bee themed luchador outfit. A text scroll at the bottom of the screen begs his ex wife to call him.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering first, the challengers! Making his way to the ring at 6 feet tall and 185 pounds. Jodie please give another chance to Dana “The Drone” Daniels!
Hawke: Dana is looking to win his first title.
Phil: Nobody cares about that. They want to know where Randy is. He refused to do the Caddyshack match. It’s rather shocking.
Hawke: He didn’t want us talking about it, Phil.
The heavy beat of Blood Code hits the speakers, drawing cheers from the fans. They stomp their feet and slap the barricade in time to it as Ulysses Cole steps through the curtain, nodding his head in time. He surveys the audience and grins, then starts making his way down to the ring, bruising the hands of fans brave or foolhardy enough to stick one out for a high five. Coles slides his not inconsiderable bulk into the ring, taking some nice big stompy steps around as he soaks in the appreciation. Dana goes for a first bump, but then decides better of it.
Bonnie Jenkins: Making his way to the ring at 6’4 and 362 pounds. He is The California Kaiju…Ulysses Cole!
Phil: I know, but this is the only way for him to take back power. He can’t run from his fears.
Hawke: Regardless, the California Kaiju was the first wrestler to hold…
Phil: It happened when he was a young man just trying to enjoy a date at Ruby Tuesdays. He was standing up for his high school sweetheart when someone cut in line for the salad bar. Randy was the hero in this situation.
Hawke: Phil! Enough!
“Keep it Bud Light” by the Bud Light House band kicks in after that proclamation and out onto the stage stumbles a man wearing a Buzz Lightyear costume made entirely of Bud Light boxes. The Cardboard Combatant rumbles his way to the ramp and stumbles … nearly falling … but catches himself and makes it look intentional. He rolls into the ring and hops up and down to the complete silence of the crowd … no reaction at all. He yells at them to clap! HE’S AN INDY LEGEND! No dice.
Bonnie Jenkins: Now the champions. Making his way to the ring at 5’7” and 210 pounds, hailing from the Rocky Mountain High Mountain of space he is…BUD LIGHTBEER!
Hawke: Bud’s over the top antics rub lots of veterans the wrong…
Phil: It was Caddyshack star Rodney Dangerfield that tried to skip the salad bar line! Poor Randy was just a kid. He never had a chance in a verbal battle with that insult comic legend.
Hawke: He didn’t want us to talk about it.[/div]
“Preliator” by Globus hits the speakers as all the loyal fans from Supremia rise in acknowledgement of their ruler. King Edmund struts in, behind him ambles his manservant and dog’s body, the meat mountain of a man known only as Mutt. Still rippling with veins bursting through his muscles from his former enhancement at the hands of Eyetology in CW, Mutt lifts his boss off the stage and onto his shoulders as he soaks in the adoration from the fans (read: boos). Mutt carries King Edmund IV to the ring and places him on the apron then rolls into the ring. He hoists Edmund into the ring where he gestures to the crowd and makes Mutt bow at his feet. Mutt forcibly makes Buzz also bow.
Bonnie Jenkins:: And his partner, hailing from Silvercrest, Capital of Supremia. He is KING EDMUND THE FOURTH … and Mutt!
Hawke: Don’t let Edmund fool you. Mutt will…
Phil: So we’re just going to keep honoring the memory of that creep? I can’t be silent on this. That guy always went on about “no respect”. Where was the respect when he made a pure hearted teenager with dreams of being a wrestler cry in a crowded Ruby Tuesdays? Do you know Sasha broke up with Randy the next day? You’ll never guess who she started dating instead.
Hawke: Nelly Angel.
Phil: Nelly Angel! So how can you possibly ask Randy to sit here and work through a Caddyshack themed match? It must have been so traumatizing. He probably can’t even enjoy the brilliant film Lady Bugs. None of you internet trolls better make light of this either. I don’t want to see #randyfearsrodney trending!
Hawke: How does Guillermo handle this?
XHF GLOBAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Caddyshack Match
Dana "The Drone" Daniels and Ulysses Cole (DTF) vs. The Glorious Reign of His Majesty King Edmund IV of Supremia (Mutt and Bud Lightbeer) ©
Papito calls for the bell. The fans cheer as Dana pulls out a golf club from one of the bags in the corner. Mutt ducks and just misses getting his head caved in with a swing from Dana’s golf club. Daniels asks him if he wants another and doesn't see Bud Lightbeer sneak up on him with a back cracker.
Hawke: The driver flies out the beekeepers hands. Dana gets dropped on his head with a Dragon suplex!! Mutt bounces off the ropes, but Ulysses hits him with a stiff uppercut!
Ulysses irish whips Mutt into the ropes but the loyal beast ducks under a clothesline. He comes back the other direction and hits a massive spear.
Hawke: Big meaty men slapping meat!
Phil: Please, you’re a professional broadcaster! Have some decency. Gary Player could be watching.
Hawke: Buzz karate chops Dana in the chest, but The Drone answers with a tomahawk chop to the top of his beer box helmet!
Mutt runs in to save his partner, but Dana tosses a metal bucket full of golf balls at the bodyguard's head.
Hawke: Quick thinking by Dana! Bright colored golf balls scatter across the ring.
Phil: I usually pick light green just like the beautiful eyes of my late wife. God rest her soul. If they don’t have that then I grab two blue balls for laughs.
Hawke: Cole drives Mutt face first into his knee twice, then finishes up with a big punch sending him through the ropes to the floor! Dana unfolds the chair into the center of the ring, while Ulysses now headbutts Bud Lightbeer.
Phil: That isn’t just any chair. It’s a vintage, green chair from the 1987 Master’s. Who could forget the year that hometown boy Larry Mize won his only major in a thrilling sudden death playoff!
Dana swinging neckbreakers the back of Bud’’s head against the Master’s chair.
Papito: 1...2...(Bud Lightbeer kicks out)
Hawke: Not enough for the pin yet. Ulysses irish whips Bud Lightbeer into the ropes, Ulysses belly to belly suplexes him, crushing him with his 362 pounds!!
Phil: That’s all heavy fat too. It’s not 300 pounds of muscle like me.
Papito: 1...2...(Bud Lightbeer kicks out)
Hawke: Ulysses applies a camel clutch to Bud Lightbeer. Dana runs into the ropes and punt kicks him in the face! Ulysses reapplies the camel clutch, and Dana kicks him in the face again!
Phil: Cole and Daniels were bitter rivals in DTF, but have put aside their differences to form an impressive team. A similar thing happened in the late 90s between myself and Nina Simone.
Hawke: Dana goes for a piledriver, but Bud Lightbeer backdrops him. He follows up with a standing moonsault. Oof, he barely made the full rotation on that.
Papito: 1...(Ulysses stomps Bud Lightbeer's stomach)
Hawke: Bud hops onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai reverse DDT on Ulysses!!
Papito: 1...2...(Ulysses gets his shoulder up)
Hawke: Mutt slides back into the ring. He irish whips Cole into the corner, colliding with a bag of golf clubs. Bud Lightbeer double handsprings into a sloppy rana. He covers the Kaiju!
Papito: 1...2...(Ulysses kicks out)
Hawke: Mutt scoops Dana up and snow plows his skull. Daniels goes headfirst into his own Master’s chair.
Phil: Turnabout is fair play. Now the beekeeper’s face is crushed where once sat the pasty ass of a corrupt Atlanta lawyer.
Papito: 1...2...(Dana gets his shoulder up)
Hawke: Mutt double underhooks Dana's arms and lifts him up into a brainbuster!!
Bud Lightbeer climbs up to the top turnbuckle and pantomimes chugging a drink. He hits a senton legdrop and then goes for the pin.
Papito: 1...2...(Dana kicks out)
Hawke: Though Dana’s offense leaves a lot to be desired, his resilience is top tier. It takes a lot to make the beekeeper quit. Cole staggers to his feet. Mutt pokes Ulysses in the eye, then twists his arm. He bends the kaiju’'s arm behind him and then reverse DDTs him on his chicken winged arm!!
Phil: Big meaty men slapping meat!
Hawke: That doesn’t apply here…didn’t you scold me for using that line earlier?
Phil: Don’t be absurd, I just made that up on the fly.
Bud Lightbeer does a frog splash from the top turnbuckle and covers the bigger man.
Papito: 1...2...(Ulysses kicks out)
Hawke: Kaiju kick out! Bud climbs up to the top turnbuckle and flies off with a plancha but Ulysses catches him. Ulysses presses Lightbeer over his head and slams Bud over the top rope into the tank of water.
Phil: That isn’t water in there. It’s an Arnie Palmer, the delightful mix of iced tea and lemonade named after one of the greatest in the history of the game.
The fans pop to see someone splash into the dunk tank. Ulysses wins an exchange of forearms with Mutt.Cole fireman's carries Mutt onto his shoulders and then sits him on the top turnbuckle
Hawke: Ulysses gets a running start and avalanches Mutt over the top turnbuckle to the floor below! Bud has managed to swim to the ledge and is pulling himself out. Dana bounces off the ropes and launches himself to the outside.
Phil: I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my life, but a flying bee takes the cake. Dana knocks himself and Bud back into the beverage tank. That has to be twice as painful for Lightbeer, given the fact it's non-alcoholic.
Ulysses lifts up a wooden putting green, placing one end on the ring apron and the other on the guard rail.
Phil: Damn that baby must be an easy two grand. Any chance I could snag it after the show for my man cave? I’d feel like a powerful tycoon, practicing the game I love while on speaker phone with my therapist.
Cole picks Bud up and powerbombs him through a wooden structure.
Phil: Great. Now what am I going to do when Doctor Hall talks? Listen?
Hawke: Ulysses gets up on the apron and comes off with a big splash to Bud Lightbeer who is still trapped in the pile of broken wood.
Bud’s face is a mask of pain as the crowd cheers. Daniels climbs out of the pool.
Hawke: Dana goes for a DDT, but Mutt lifts him up in a fireman's carry. He airplane spins the side of Dana's head into the ringpost!
Mutt clears a ringside table of various foods.
Phil: That classless animal! He just wasted our entire “Taste of The Masters” spread. Lord Edmund does not understand the value of pimento cheese!
Hawke: Ulysses DDTs Bud Lightbeer on the cement floor! Mutt lists Dana up, but the beekeeper shoves something in his enemy’s face.
Phil: It’s a delicious egg salad sandwich priced at a reasonable $1.50!
Hawke: Mutt screams! Daniels tries to wiggle free, but it is no use. The champ blindly powerbombs Dana through the table.
Mutt staggers to his feet, but Ulysses is waiting. Cole hits him in the stomach and smashes his face into the steel steps. Blood gushes from Mutt’s forehead.
Hawke: Mutt has a crimson mask! He stumbles to his feet, but trips over the still prone Dana and crashes into the guard rail.
Phil: The force of that giant falling was so hard that it actually dislodged the rail from its hinges. There is nothing protecting you and I from the hordes of poor people.
Cole helps Dana to his feet and they both begin to stomp on Mutt.
Hawke: The DTF wrestlers are putting the boots to the champions. Wait! Bud Lightbeer slingshots over the ropes and knocks everyone over.
Phil: A flying alcoholic! What is this, Delta first class? Hang on, Hawker. Let’s pause for a moment here to allow everyone at home to recover from the belly busting laughter I just caused. Okay, you can speak again.
Dana slowly staggers to his feet, but not quick enough to avoid a trip up on the rising Mutt’s shoulders.
Hawke: Ouch! Mutt lifts Dana up in a fireman's carry and swings him around into an F5!!
Phil: You can’t call it the F5 anymore. Haven’t you read the news at all this week? F5 is insensitive to all the people suffering through climate change.
Mutt irish whips Ulysses into the side of the ring steps. Blood pours from the kaiju’s head as he staggers back up to his feet. Bud launches himself onto Ulyssey’s shoulders, taunting for a moment before hitting a hurricanrana.
Phil: Just look at those beer loving balls grinding into Ulysses's face. There is no sport like golf!
Hawke: The momentum in this match has completely shifted.
Cole staggers to his feet towards the announce desk. He turns around just in time to get speared by Mutt. Both giants are sent through the side of the glass aquarium. The arena roars as Arnie Palmer spills across the floor.
Hawke: Dear lord! They’ve shattered through the glass!
Phil: No! I was going to bathe in and/or drink from that later!
The crowd chants “Holy Shit” as Dana and Bud crawl back into the ring. Lightbeer grabs something from the golf bag.
Hawke: Bud choking the life out of Dana with one of the golf clubs.
Phil: That’s a five wood, might not be the best choice with the wind.
Hawke: Wait! There was someone else in the aquarium of Arnie Palmer.
A man in scuba diver gear slides into the ring and removes his mask.
Hawke: It’s Deacon Oldham! Dana’s wrestling manager and life coach.
Phil: I would classify him as more of a slave master.
Deacon barks at Bud to pick on someone his own size. Lightyear laughs in the veteran’s face and dares him to take a swing. Oldham clocks Bud with a right hook and the wrestler does a 360 then rag dolls to the floor.
Hawke: HOLY SHIT! BUD LIGHTYEAR IS FUCKING DEAD!
Phil: He snuffed out the life of a complete stranger without hesitation. It was nothing to him.
Hawke: Phil, I’m scared.
Phil: How could Marty possibly have invited his daughter to share a room on a four night Disney Cruise? Was he looking for assisted suicide?
King Edmund IV watches in horror for a moment, both members of his team down, before jumping in a golf cart and driving off.
Phil: Looks like Edmund doesn’t want to explain why Supremia didn’t partake in Operation Enduring Freedom.
Hawke: Dana wants to go for the pin, but Deacon is ordering him to get something from under the ring.
Dana drags in a wooden board covered in upside down golf tees and sets it up in the corner.
Hawke: This is too far. Don’t do it.
Phil: Bud might not have any friends or loved ones, but think of all the package store owners watching in horror.
Mutt starts to rise to his feet. Deacon Oldham slides out of the ring and begins to grapple with the monster of a man. Dana looks at Bud, conflicted. He doesn’t notice a rope drop from the ceiling behind him. Rappelling down is a mystery man in a near identical bee luchador costume. This one is black and white with long, wet hair. They also wear a leather jacket and hold a baseball bat.
Hawke: Dana turns around startled. Who in the world is that?
Phil: Read the bat! It’s…..STUNG!!!!!
Stung delivers a devastating v-trigger to the surprised beekeeper.
Hawke: What a jumping knee! He tosses Dana face first into the golf tees. The beekeeper screams in pain as the tees stab into him.
Phil: This mystery man follows him into the corner with a STUNGER SPLASH!
Stung steps back letting Dana and the board of golf tees fall over. The mystery wrestler then grabs the knocked out Bud and places him on top.
Papito:1…2…3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Here are your winners and STILL XHF Tag Team Champions...BUD LIGHTYEAR AND EDMUND THE IV!
The bell rings and Deacon looks up in disbelief. Stung holds up the bat menacingly. It doesn’t phase the Navy Seal who sprints towards the ring. The Sting rip off screams for his life and flees through the crowd.
Hawke: Stung is running like a scalded scorpion. Mutt and Bud retain in the unlikeliest of fashions, but it’s hard to feel anything other than concern. Dana is bleeding bad under that board. He might never wrestle again.
Phil: Good.
Hawke: Really, Phil? That’s how you want to end your appearance tonight?
Phil: Of course not. #RandyfearsRodney is the number one hashtag in the world right now.
Hawke: We’ll be back in a moment.
King Edmund rides back down to the ring on the golf cart. The shot fades out on him celebrating with both titles as paramedics attend to the wrestlers.
Laura Messier: The following contest is YOUR CO-MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING AND IS FOR THE TAP OUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
The XHF Arena crowd burst into life.
Laura Messier: The following contest is a Texas Deathmatch! After pinning your opponent for a three-count there is a thirty-second break AND THEN a ten-count. If your opponent does not make it up from the ten count, then you will win the match!
Steve Morrison: For those unfamiliar, these are the original rules from the mouth of Dory Funk Senior!
Laura Messier: Submissions count but there are no count-outs and no disqualifications! In short, THERE HAS TO BE A WINNER!!!!
The crowd once more erupt!!
Lights dim in the building and the screen above the ramp shows footage of NOMAD standing in the backstage halls of the XHF Arena. The crowd responds with claps and cheers as the challenger for the TAPOUT Openweight Championship is shown.
He stands there bouncing in place as the opening bass riff of Rotten Apple by Alice In Chains begins to vibrate the floor of the building. The challenger checks his wrist tape one last time, rolls his fists together and turns his neck side to side. As the guitar enters the song, NOMAD closes his eyes, draws the hood of his hoodie up and waits for a moment.
He opens the door in front of him and walks through, bursting out onto the floor of the crowd.
Steve Morrison: THE stand-out performer from the first quarter of Tap Out’s history!
Cross Recoba: It’s been a long-time coming but NOMAD can make his mark on Tap Out history indelible tonight!
Once the spotlight finds him, a mass of people begin to swarm him on all sides. With palms outstretched and arms above his head, NOMAD begins making his way to the ring like a shepherd leading a flock of sheep.
"Hey, ah-na-na, innocence is over
Hey, ah-na-na, over
Hey, ah-na-na, ignorance is spoken
Hey, ah-na-na, spoken "
Hey, ah-na-na, over
Hey, ah-na-na, ignorance is spoken
Hey, ah-na-na, spoken "
As the vocals blast through the speakers, NOMAD nears the barrier and climbs over, Security rushes to keep the crowd from following him over. He pulls the hood back from his head and climbs onto the apron. He makes his way up on the nearest turnbuckle post, he gestures to the crowd to a massive response as the chorus kicks in.
Steve Morrison: Winning a HUGELYcompetitive match in November, NOMAD waited patiently through last month’s show and now finds himself on the show where Tap Out began!
Cross Recoba: That’s right, Supremacy might be an XHF event but it’s THE show that counts the most of them for Tap Out! But, Steve, NOMAD took the month off in December, how much will recuperation and scouting help tonight?
"What I see is unreal
I've written my own part
Eat of the apple, so young
I'm crawling back to start"
I've written my own part
Eat of the apple, so young
I'm crawling back to start"
As the chorus fades into the second verse, NOMAD climbs down into the ring and takes his hoodie off, where he waits for the match to start.
Steve Morrison: Two men who started out on differing sides and what seemed like friendly competition now boils over into what could well be the most vicious match under the Tap Out banner!
Cross Recoba: Both men told us what the match means to them in the build-up. Now we’re just minutes away from finding out who will start the 2024 calendar holding the title!
The opening thumping guitar and drum riff of "Unstoppable" by Disturbed hits the arena as an imitation sandstorm is created in the entranceway. After 10 seconds of storm, Aiden Merric emerges from the billowing sands chewing nicotine gum and wearing a smug ass smile on his face as he pats the title that sits over his shoulder.
Steve Morrison: Never short of a quote and never short of a way to skirt the rules, this match might well be the epitome of what Merric stands for!
Cross Recoba: Chaotic, heavy-hitting, brutality! It’s what makes Aiden the fighter he is!
He spits the gum and puts a patch on his arm before stretching and walking to the ring with a purpose. He nods along with the theme song as he jabbers with the crowd and keeps moving. He stalks around the ring to the far side and nods at the commentators before he rolls into the ring and stretches on the ropes.
Steve Morrison: It’s was noticeable that Erin Gordon was in the Camp with Merric for this one, having faced off against NOMAD at one of our early events!
Cross Recoba: Not just at an event but main-eventing! Merric is headstrong but he’s far from stupid! He’ll have picked Erin’s brain for insight so he can prepare for this match like taking down big game in the outback!
The referee stops him and removes his various blades, ropes and other hunting equipment as he smirks. As the first chorus ends at roughly 65 seconds in, Aiden is set free to his corner. He then cracks his neck, waiting for the bell as his music fades and the storm subsides.
Steve Morrison: Can he make those lariats count tonight?
Cross Recoba: I get the feeling that the Merric we see tonight is going to be a step quicker, a thought ahead, and more willing to go into the unknown than we’ve ever seen before!
With both men now in the ring, Laura steps forward for the introductions.
Laura Messier:INTRODUCING…THE CHALLENGER!!! Hailing from Colville, Washington...He stands at six-feet-and-three inches and tips the scales at two-hundred-and-thirty pounds!!! HE IS THE VIOLENT WANDERER!!!! NOMAD!!!!
NOMAD bounces on the balls of his feet, the adrenaline clearly pumping.
Laura Messier:AND HIS OPPONENT!!!! From Coober Pedy, South Australia. He stands at six-feet and two inches and weighed in yesterday at two-hundred-and-twenty pounds...THE WONDER FROM DOWN UNDER AND THE CURRENT HOLDER OF THE TAP OUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!...AIDEN...MERRIC!
Merric smiles as his name is called out but beyond that he remains unreadable as he leans back into his corner and awaits the bell.
TAPOUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Texas Death Match
NOMAD vs. Aiden Merric ©
“Big” John Quinn lets Laura Messier out of the ring as the XHF Arena drops to a hushed silence. He lifts up the Tap Out Openweight title to the crowd for the final time before the match begins.
Crowd: WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Handing the belt to the outside, Quinn makes his way to the center of the ring and beckons both competitors to come out from their corner to the middle of the ring.
Steve Morrison: This is it, folks. This is your co-main event but I wonder if tonight’s main-event can compete for the level of intensity, brutality, and potential bloodiness that I’m certain we’ll see tonight.
Cross Recoba: : We know NOMAD can wrestle but in a Texas Death Match it’s not about who has the best transition from a waistlock to a takedown, it’s about how far you’re willing to go beyond your opponent!
With deliberate gestures, “Big” John stresses his points. Without audio, it’s impossible to know exactly what’s being said but he makes a big point of miming reaching for his hair and then making a slashing motion, a clear note to Merric. The Tap Out Champion laughs at the special attention he feels he’s receiving.
Steve Morrison: Quinn is no stranger to the lengths that Aiden will go to in big matches, he saw what Merric had in store for Poena when he won the title.
Cross Recoba: : It’ll be a long night for him, this is a match where the longest bout was over three hours long.
Steve Morrison: That’s right. Dory Funk, the inventor of the match, and “Iron” Mike DiBiase were in that Herculean affair!
Cross Recoba: : Ever think that Mike DiBiase looks like he could be Mongo’s father?
Steve Morrison: The match had no winner, instead stopped by the Texas Athletic Commission for breaking curfew!
Cross Recoba: : That SOUNDS more like the behavior of someone who was Mongo’s father! Mongo is the child of the Athletic Commissions!
NOMAD retains a stoic expression throughout, almost looking through the Champion as the title belt makes its way behind the holder’s back to the timekeeper’s desk. With the Openweight title reaching its destination, he turns his attention to the Champion, looking for any sign of weakness or a tell.
Steve Morrison: NOMAD knows that he can vindicate his return with a win tonight. Battling back from a severe break of his arm thanks to Poena, NOMAD is now back in the same position many felt he should have been in his first stint here.
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD’s got such a diverse range of styles that preparing for him is incredibly difficult. Is he going to be the powerhouse, the brawler or the technician when that bell rings?
In return, Aiden seemingly tunes out the match official as he sizes up the day’s big game, the solitary inch difference in height lets the Australian glare right through the challenger, not showing any emotion one way or the other.
Steve Morrison: Merric won’t be troubled by that, he’s made a career out of taking on anyone and everyone with the same smashmouth bar-brawling style that saw him set records as the AWF Phoenix Champion!
Cross Recoba: : What started off as an exchange of lariats has led both of them to here, the two-year anniversary of Tap Out match and for the biggest prize we can offer!
Satisfied that he’s fulfilled his responsibility, Quinn sends the two men back to their corners.
Steve Morrison: Quinn seems to be happy, we’re just moments away from finding out what many have clamored for since before Thanksgiving!
NOMAD lifts a foot to the second turnbuckle, clearly eager to get his first shot at the title underway. Merric, conversely, lounges back into his corner and waits to hear the triplet of the bell.
Cross Recoba: : Merric knows that NOMAD will have a point to porve, I’d act the same.
The Minnesotan crowd have come back to life.
Crowd: LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP!
Hearing the chants, Quinn lets a smile slip onto his face before catching himself and calling for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
The crowd noise rises to a crescendo inside the XHF Arena as NOMAD darts from his corner at pace, Merric shakes his head as he goes to meet him.
Steve Morrison: Who will throw the first punch?
RIGHT HAND FROM NOMAD!
REPLY FROM MERRIC!
RIGHT HAND FROM NOMAD!
REPLY FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM SHOT FROM THE WASHINGTON NATIVE!
Steve Morrison: Neither man giving any ground up!
MERRIC REFUSES TO GIVE GROUND AND LIFTS A KNEE INTO THE MIDSECTION OF THE CHALLENGER!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD can brawl so Merric needs to make sure that the stand-up is on his terms.
Grabbing the arm of The Violent Wanderer, Aiden pulls his opponent into a forearm of his own and then wraps his arms around those of his foe…HEADBUTT!
Steve Morrison: SICKENING HEADBUTT!
ANOTHER ONE!
A THIRD LANDS AND NOMAD STAGGERS A HALF-STEP AS HE’S RELEASED!
Cross Recoba: : Merric is pushing himself beyond what we’ve seen previously, he CANNOT lose the brawling game because if he does, I don’t think he’s got the secondary skills to recover.
Merric wastes no time closing the gap with forearms that drive the Challenger back into the corner. Pushing forward with another forearm, Merric lets the arm drop before pushing the forearm into the windpipe of NOMAD.
Steve Morrison: Cheap move from the Champ!
Cross Recoba: : But perfectly legal, did you not hear Laura read the rules out?
In reply, Sloane snaps a rabbit punch to the throat of the Champion that creates a tiny gap. NOMAD makes the most of the window and leads with an open-handed uppercut that connects under the jaw of the Australian. Changing his stance, NOMAD lands a jab to the face and moves, another jab and another juke to the side. He grabs the arm of the Champion and whips him to the corner. Merric stops himself with his hands on the ropes…NOMAD’s committed to running in, MERRIC THROWS HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER TO THE APRON!
Steve Morrison: This could get interesting as NOMAD finds himself in a perilous position.
Merric turns around but eats a punch before replying with one of his own. The two men start to trade punches again, neither man wanting to give an inch even if they should. NOMAD snaps a jab before grabbing the head of Merric and firing a short European Uppercut to the chin of the Bounty Hunter. He hooks the head and tries to lift, Merric has his foot over the bottom rope! Merric tries to suplex NOMAD back into the ring…NOMAD DROPS DOWN THE BACK! Waistlock from the Washington native, GERMAN SUPLEX!!! NO!!!!
Cross Recoba: : See, Tap Out Wrestling, even in a Texas Death Match we give you Greco-Roman holds!
Steve Morrison: But so far this match it’s been more akin to the opener of a JROK bloodbath than a technical classic!
MERRIC KEEPS HOLD OF THE ROPES! NOMAD TRIES AGAIN…STILL NO DICE!!! MULE KICK FROM THE CHAMPION DOUBLES SLOANE OVER!!!
Steve Morrison: ANOTHER DIRTY TACTIC!
Cross Recoba: : Merric has waited his entire career to get a company’s top belt on the Network, I expect to see him do EVERYTHING in his power to keep that title around his waist!
Dashing forward, Merric connects with a European Uppercut of his own that pushes the head of NOMAD up as he takes a step back!
Steve Morrison: He rocked him with that!
MERRIC LUNGES FORWARD WITH A LARIAT…IT’S DUCKED! THE CHAMPION SPINS AROUND…SIDE HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN BY SLOANE!
Cross Recoba: : Smart move by NOMAD, it’s the worst kept secret in Tap Out that Merric is never going to win an amateur wrestling competition!
The Champion tries to adjust and wriggle out from the hold but NOMAD has it covered and starts to fire off a succession of closed-fist punches to the head of Merric.
Steve Morrison: He’s targeting the area above Merric’s eye with those punches.
Cross Recoba: : That’s a deliberate move. Open that area up and blood is going to get into your eyes and obscure your vision besides being pretty unpleasant.
Aiden finds a gap and rolls over NOMAD.
ONE…
NOMAD gets back to the grounded side-headlock but Merric fights for position.
Steve Morrison: Aiden knows he can’t stop working to move from here.
With a huge roar of effort, Merric pushes up to his feet. BACK SUPLEX!!!
Cross Recoba: : High angle back suplex! Aiden’s a headhunter and those types of moves play right into the gameplan of a man with a trio of lariats.
Steve Morrison: But how many does NOMAD know?
Wasting no time, Aiden tries to keep the Challenger down as he rains down on the body of his opponent with sharp boots to the shoulders and chest of NOMAD.
Steve Morrison: Not the most elegant but Merric’s bar-room tactics keeping him on top in the early portion of the match.
Sloane tries to roll to avoid the stomps and escapes with a scuffed connection on his lower back. THE BIG GAME HUNTER GRABS HIS LEG! HE LIFTS IT UP AND SLAMS IT INTO THE MAT!
Cross Recoba: : He drove that knee into the canvas!
Keeping hold of the leg, MERRIC DRIVES A PUNT KICK INTO THE HAMSTRING OF HIS OPPONENT!!
Steve Morrison: Why the focus on the leg?
Cross Recoba: : Lariats, powerbombs, suplexes. All NOMAD’s building blocks to winning and all of them need a stable base.
MERRIC KEEPS HOLD OF THE FOOT AND THROWS HIMSELF BACK INTO A GROUNDED DRAGON SCREW!!
Steve Morrison: HE SNAPPED BACK!
Reaching for his leg, NOMAD rolls away to regroup.
Cross Recoba: : Sloane might need to switch up his plan. Merric’s finding gaps to exploit and that’s going to add up as the match progresses.
Not allowing for the recuperation, Aiden uses the hair of his opponent to bring him back to his feet and scoops him onto his shoulder…Body Slam!
Steve Morrison: Huge impact!
NOMAD pops his head up and Merric swings another punt kick…it’s ducked. Merric spins around with the momentum carrying through, his opponent takes the opportunity to push back to his feet and grabs another waistlock. He corrals Merric to the ropes and rolls back…
Cross Recoba: : Can it be?
ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX!!!!
Steve Morrison: WHAT A MOVE!!
NOMAD leaps to make the cover…
ONE…
T-
KICKOUT FROM MERRIC!
Steve Morrison: Merric’s not down yet. Folks, this match, to remind you, isn’t just getting a three-count but after you achieve that, your opponent has to stay down through a thirty-second rest period AND subsequent ten count!
The crowd remain split.
Crowd: LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! FUCK HIM UP, NOMAD, FUCK HIM UP!
Reaching for the ropes, Merric uses them to get to his feet but NOMAD isn’t letting him get time to recover. Sloane throws a forearm into the lower back of the Champion to trap him against the ropes. A headbutt to the back of the Australian’s head with a nauseating thud tinstantly stops the chants.
Steve Morrison: Both men putting their heads on the line.
Cross Recoba: : Only increasing the chances this match goes from chess match to crap shoot!
Atomic lift from NOMAD…BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX!!
Steve Morrison: Crisp execution!
Rolling to his feet, Sloane measures his opponent…RUNNING KNEE DROP TO THE FACE OF THE CHAMPION!!
Cross Recoba: : Pinpoint accuracy as once more he finds the same spot above the eye!
Reaching into the mullet of Merric, NOMAD brings his opponent up between his knees and lifts….TEXAS PILEDRIVER!!!
Steve Morrison: A Stan Hansen Trio Tribute!
Another cover…
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT!!!!
Cross Recoba: : A hooked leg would have got the pin but it still wouldn’t have won the match!
NOMAD shakes his head, clearly thinking the move would be enough to at least get to the first count of the night. Once again, he pulls the Champion to his feet…
Steve Morrison: He isn’t finishedy yet…
MERRIC ANSWERS WITH AN OVERHAND RIGHT!
Cross Recoba: : The Champion fires back!!
AND ANOTHER!
A THIRD GETS THE CROWD BACK BEHIND MERRIC!
NOMAD THROWS A PUNCH BACK OF HIS OWN IN REPLY!
AND ANOTHER FROM THE MAN FROM COLVILLE!
Steve Morrison: What a slugfest!!!
HE THROWS A THIRD…IT’S BLOCKED BY MERRIC BEFORE HE THROWS A SHORT FOREARM!
Cross Recoba: : Has Merric got the rhythm down quicker than NOMAD?
FOREARM FROM NOMAD! FOREARM FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM FROM NOMAD! FOREARM FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM FROM NOMAD! FOREARM FROM MERRIC!
FOREARM FROM NOMAD!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD back on top!
MERRIC UNLEASHES A MACHINE-GUN FLURRY OF FOREARMS THAT TAKE NOMAD BACK INTO THE CORNER!
Cross Recoba: : This isn’t the match to make predictions or proclamations til you hear the theme music!
The Australian throws a boot into the stomach of the Challenger. And another! He grabs the head of Sloane…HUGE HEADBUTT DROPS HIM FURTHER INTO THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE!
Steve Morrison: The Man from Coober Pedy is taking down the Violent Wanderer!
RAPID-FIRE STOMPS DRIVE NOMAD FURTHER DOWN UNTIL HE’S SEATED ON THE RING FLOOR WITH NOWHERE TO GO!!
Cross Recoba: : Aiden needs to make this portion of control count, give him something that’ll last the match!
Merric grabs the legs of NOMAD and lifts as he steps back…HUGE SLAM PUTS NOMAD BACK ON THE MAT WITH IMPACT!
Steve Morrison: Unorthodox move but it keeps the Champion in control!
Going back to the turnbuckle, Merric starts to undo the top turnbuckle pad.
Cross Recoba: : Quinn can do nothing but standby and watch!
He throws the cover into the crowd!
Steve Morrison: That’ll be on eBay before the morning comes!
Cross Recoba: : You think Minnesota knows eBay? Mormons have a better grasp on technology!
Approaching NOMAD, Aiden lifts him to his feet and grabs his arm. HE WHIPS HIM INTO THE CORNER…NO! NOMAD REVERSES AND SENDS MERRIC BACK-FIRST INTO THE EXPOSED STEEL!!
Steve Morrison: Aiden’s plan backfires!!
With a confident smile, NOMAD takes a step back before charging in…HE LEAPS WITH A RAISED KNEE…..
Cross Recoba: : This could stun Merric…
MERRIC MOVES LEAVING SLOANE TO DRIVE HIS KNEE INTO THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE!!!
Steve Morrison: AIDEN GETS OUT OF DODGE AND SLOANE IS LEFT TO PAY THE PRICE!
Cross Recoba: : Both men finding out in quick succession just how unforgiving the steel of the ring can be!
Using the top rope to keep on his feet, NOMAD dips his head as he works out how much damage the miss caused. Merric charges in with a running back elbow to the back of his opponent’s head! GERMAN SUPLEX!!
Steve Morrison: Not the cleanest but it did the trick!
Merric makes the cover this time…
ONE…
TW-
KICKOUT FROM NOMAD!
Steve Morrison: Do you see the end of the match in sight, Cross?
Cross Recoba: : Not yet, but that could all change if one of them hits a move out of nowhere or gets the smallest window to fit one of their patented moves in!
Merric sighs as he lifts up Sloane from the mat and tucks his head between his legs. He lifts…
Steve Morrison: We’ve not seen this from the Champ befor-
REVERSE POWERBOMB!!!
Cross Recoba: : HE PLANTED HIM FACE-FIRST!
Another cover from Merric…
ONE…
TWO…
T-
KICKOUT!!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD REFUSES TO BE PUT DOWN!
Not wanting to lose momentum, the Champion once more lifts up NOMAD…THE CHALLENGER CONNECTS WITH A JUMPING ENZUIGURI!!!!
Cross Recoba: : And THERE is the issue with facing NOMAD! Out of nowhere he goes to the air!
Rocked, Merric can’t stop NOMAD hooking his arm and lifting…SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!!
Steve Morrison: First we had Hansen, now we have Tully Blanchard being lampshaded!
Cross Recoba: : Did Verne ever put on a Texas Death Match? Were you expecting odes to Nick Bockwinkel because we’re in Minnesota?
Sloane keeps hold of the suplex hold and rolls them both to their feet and lifts once more….
Steve Morrison: He’s not done yet…
SHEERDROP BRAINBUSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: Vertical drop square on the top of Merric’s head!
The NOMAD section of the XHF Arena bursts into wild cheers as the Champion’s head hits the mat!
Cross Recoba: : Aiden could be knocked clean out!
The Challenger makes the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
TH-
MERRIC THROWS UP AN ARM!
Steve Morrison: Aiden once more showing why he’s in the conversation for toughest fighter on the Network!
The Merric fans drown out the cheers for NOMAD as the Champion keeps his arm up to show he’s still in the match.
Cross Recoba: : He’s looking for the fans he’s amassed over his career to give him some extra adrenaline..
Using the raised arm, NOMAD yanks Aiden to his feet and sends him to the ropes…
Steve Morrison: Sloane isn’t letng him rest…
HE SPINS…
Cross Recoba: : KERRY VON ERICH SPECI-
DISCUS LARIA-NO!!!! MERRIC DUCKS….DRAGON SUPLEX!!!
Steve Morrison: WHAT A REVERSAL!!!!
Both men are down as Quinn looks to the mat and then to Cross.
Cross Recoba: : There HAS to be a winner tonight! No count-outs, no disqualifications!!!
Recoba shakes his head, leaving Quinn with only the option to wait as they come back to.
Steve Morrison: Now we have to find out who might get the advantage as they get back to their feet…
Merric is first to move, NOMAD moving a second or two later but no more.
Cross Recoba: : It’s not about who’s first to move but who’s ready to make the first move.
Aiden rises to a vertical base but he staggers back for a moment before recovering. NOMAD, perhaps taking a cue from his opponent, plants a knee on the mat first before trying to get up.
Steve Morrison: Neither man rushing to get back up, clearly wanting to ensure they’re not unsure on their feet.
Grabbing the head of NOMAD, Merric drives down a punch that connects with the top of his opponent’s head but Sloane doesn’t buckle.
Cross Recoba: : Pinpoint accuracy on that one!
Merric rears his arm back further this time and connects with a harder punch but NOMAD refuses to drop from a knee.
Steve Morrison: What the Japanese call Fighting Spirit!
Using the arm of the Challenger to hoist him up. Merric whips NOMAD to the ropes, it’s reversed…
Cross Recoba: : Aiden’s in trouble…
NOMAD CHARGES OFF THE ROPES BEHIND MERRIC, THE CHAMP TURNS AROUND…LEG LARIAT CONNECTS!!!
Steve Morrison: That agility of NOMAD pays off!
Reaching down, Sloane once more pulls Merric’s head between his legs. He grabs a double-underhook….
Steve Morrison: What is this?
Cross Recoba: : OH….DEAR….FUCK…
TIGER….
DRIVER….
91!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: SCORCHED EARTH 91!!!
Cross Recoba: : This. could. Be. it….
With assured confidence, NOMAD makes the cover, hooking the leg.
ONE…
TWO….
THREE!!!
Steve Morrison: Merric could be knocked out cold.
Cross Recoba: : I knew he had that move in his locker but I didn’t think he’d ever use it while fighting for Tap Out. If you want to know the desire of NOMAD, he just used a move that can end careers.
Steve Morrison: Merric is yet to move.
The crowd fall silent as they realize that Merric is still and almost certainly unconscious.
Cross Recoba: : It could well be a knockout, flash or not.
NOMAD pushes himself back to his feet, still smiling. He goes back to his corner, his hands motioning around his waist as if sure that the title is coming his way.
Steve Morrison: Laura’s standing up…
Laura Messier: THE THIRTY-SECOND PERIOD HAS ELAPSED!!
Quinn starts the count.
ONE!!!!!
TWO!!!!!
THREE!!!
FOUR!!!!
Steve Morrison: We could have a new Champion…
FIVE!!!
Cross Recoba: : And what a vicious way to win the title….
SIX!!!!!
SEVEN!!!!
EIGHT!!!!
MERRIC FORCES HIMSELF UP BUT HE’S UNSTEADY AS QUINN CHECKS HIM.
Steve Morrison: Listen to the crowd roar as he moves!
NINE!!!
TE-
MERRIC IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND QUINN WAVES AWAY THE COUNT!!!!!!
Cross Recoba: : BUT ONLY JUST! Any other match, NOMAD’s walking out with the belt if he lands that one!
The Match Official signals for the match to resume!
Steve Morrison: BUT WE FIGHT ON!!
NOMAD RUSHES IN WITH A RUNNING SWINGING NECKBREAKER!!
Cross Recoba: : Working that neck immediately after that Tiger Driver!
He makes the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
THRE-
MERRIC KICKS OUT!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD thought he could sneak that one in for the win but Aiden has other ideas!
Cross Recoba: : But it shows you just how deadly that move can be. A swinging neckbreaker wouldn’t normally keep Merric down for a near fall!
The crowd roar in approval at the mettle from the Tap Out Openweight Champion!!!!
Steve Morrison: But listen to the XHF crowd rally behind the ChampioN!
NOMAD isn’t letting him off the hook so easily and hoists him to his feet. The Challenger throws a HUGE European Uppercut that staggers Merric into the ropes!
Cross Recoba: : It means nothing if NOMAD carries on in control.
He rebounds….STO!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: Once more, Merric innovates and expands his moveset!
Cross Recoba: : That was STRAIGHT out of Erin Gordon’s playbook!
Steve Morrison: The training camp not above the sharing of ides!
His eyes looking glazed, Merric gets to his feet and once more grabs the boot of NOMAD. He traps the boot with his foot and leaps…DOUBLE FOOT STOMP ONTO THE ANKLE OF THE CHALLENGER!!!
Cross Recoba: : He focuses on that leg again and he might well have snapped the ankle of the Violent Wanderer!
Merric grabs the foot and spins…
Steve Morrison: We’re going deep into the roots of the match!
The crowd pop for the callback to the Funk Family.
Cross Recoba: : This move doesn’t look lethal but let me tell you, each rotation is bending your leg closer and closer to a snap!
He spins around it once more, this time tweaking the leg further. NOMAD’s face now contorted into a mask of pain.
Steve Morrison: If you don’t believe Cross, just look at the Challenger’s face!
A third spin pushes the leg further, NOMAD letting out a painful noise as he does so.
Cross Recoba: : Submissions count but if that leg goes, there’s no point in the rest period or the ten count!
Quinn watches, if only to make sure the leg doesn’t actually snap.
Steve: “Big” Steve is watching to stop the match if needed.
Merric twists once more…NOMAD SNATCHES AN INSIDE CRADLE!!
ONE…
T-
MERRIC KICKS OUT!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD took the only route he could out!
Both men rush to their feet but the eagle-eyed viewer spots that NOMAD’s leg is causing him some difficulty matching the speed of the Champion. Shaking it off, NOMAD LUNGES FORWARD WITH A BIG BOOT….IT’S DUCKED….MERRIC GRABS THE ARM….CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!!!
Steve Morrison: CONTRACT FULFILLED!!!!
The Champion drops down to make the cover….NOMAD ROLLS OUT OF THE RING TO THE OUTSIDE!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD using big-brain tactics to remain in this!
Aiden shoots a put-out look towards the Challenger as he looks to the outside. Rolling out of the ring, he joins his opponent on the outside.
Steve Morrison: But this match now going to the outside means all bets are off for what we might see!
NOMAD is conscious but flat out on his back on the protective mats that surround the ring. Aiden twists the laces of his boot into his forehead before picking him up. POP-UP FLAPJACK ONTO THE APRON!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD’S RIBS BOUNCED OFF THE EDGE OF THE RING!
Prone on the side of the ring, NOMAD’S BLINDSIDED BY A RUNNING KNEE LIFT TO THE FACE THAT SHOOTS HIM UP AND STAGGERS INTO THE STEPS!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD doesn’t know if he’s coming or going!
The first-ever Australian Champion on the Network throws a stiff-looking forearm to the face of his opponent as a precursor to lifting him up for an atomic drop. NO, he tucks the knee in…DROPPING NOMAD DOWN ONTO THE STEPS, HIS INJURED LEG ABSORBING THE BRUNT OF THE IMPACT!!
Cross Recoba: : Merric honing in on the knee like he’s tracking a wounded deer!
Merric scoops the challenger onto his shoulder…BODY SLAM ONTO THE STEEL SECURITY RAILING!!
Steve Morrison: Merric leans into the more sadistic parts of his nature!
Cross Recoba: : It’s the only way to survive in matches like these…
NOMAD lies prone atop the railing, powerless to stop Merric from shoving him over into the crowd, climbing over the railing himself to keep on the offensive.
Steve Morrison: Did the fans sign disclaimers?
Cross Recoba: : It’s an XHF event, sitting in the front-row and not expecting this is like turning a free waterproof down at SeaWorld!
Quinn rolls out of the ring and follows them into the crowd.
Steve Morrison: “Big” John now going for danger pay!
Using the hair once more, Merric pulls NOMAD along the front-row of the audience, each member only too obliging to stay the hell out of their way.
Steve Morrison: They know what’s coming and it doesn’t look good!
Grabbing a cup from a crowd-member, Merric throws the contents into the face of NOMAD!! The Challenger recoils slightly as he reaches for his face allowing Merric to reach into his hair and retrieve something. A quick hand-movement sees something go towards NOMAD’s face before dropping to the floor! Merric quickly kicks it under the chair as the camera sees blood drip down the cheek of Sloane!!
Steve Morrison: HE SLASHED HIM!
Cross Recoba: : With what?
Steve Morrison: What did he cut him with and kick under the seat?
Cross Recoba: : A knife? At an XHF Event? How 2021!
The XHF camera crew miss nothing, zooming in on a small flick-knife that sits waiting to be found by no-one in particular.
Steve Morrison: MERRIC SNUCK WEAPONS IN AGAIN!
Reaching to his face, NOMAD feels the trickling blood. Merric takes advantage and whips NOMAD SENDING HIM CRASHING INTO THE SEATS!!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD taking the full brunt of that!
Leading with a kick to the face, Merric then once again grabs the hair of NOMAD and pulls him into the aisle, climbing the stairs as he does so.
Cross Recoba: : The Champion wants to end it and soon! You have to wonder just what might end this match though!
Reaching halfway up the section, Merric delivers yet another stomach-turning headbutt to NOMAD and hooks a waistlock. The cameras zoom in to show the sadistic look now on Merric’s face.
Steve Morrison: NO!
Cross Recoba: : YES!
HE LIFTS FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX!!! NOMAD PLANTS HIS FEET AND BENDS DOWN TO TRY AND BLOCK THE MOVE!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD’S WISE TO IT!
ANOTHER GERMAN ATTEMPT BUT NOMAD IS DETERMINED NOT TO END UP ON THE CONCRETE!!!
Cross Recoba: : This is self-preservation 101…
MERRIC TRIES BUT NOMAD THROWS HIS HEAD BACK TO CONNECT WITH THE SKULL OF THE CHAMPION!!!!
Steve Morrison: HUGE CONNECTION!
FREE FROM THE WAISTLOCK, NOMAD IS QUICK TO ACT - SPINNING URANAGE ONTO THE UNFORGIVING SEATS!!!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD keeps himself in it! If that German had landed, it was game over!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Merric holds his back as the fans give him ample room, as much for their safety as it is their concern for the Tap Out Openweight Champion.
Steve Morrison: The fans in this section taking cues from the front-row!
NOMAD isn’t one of those people, he lifts Merric to his feet and drives down his fist into the head of Merric! ANOTHER ONE LANDS TRUE!!! A THIRD!!
Cross Recoba: : Once more attacking the orbital bone of Merric!
Blood starts to seep down the Champion’s face.
Steve Morrison: HE’S BUSTED OPEN!!
The Challenger pulls Aiden into the aisle and lifts him……BACKDROP DRIVER ONTO THE CONCRETE STEPS!!!!
Steve Morrison: HOLY STEVE WILLIAMS!!!!
Crowd: THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK! THAT WAS SICK!
Looking down at his opponent with disdain, NOMAD casually uses his foot to roll Merric to the bottom of the steps!
Cross Recoba: : He could make the cover and win this now, guaranteed!
Crowd: OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN! OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AIDEN!
Zooming in on Merric, we see the blood that stemmed from above his eyebrow now has formed the beginnings of a Crimson Mask.
Steve Morrison: Blood dripping down the face of Merric in any which direction!
Cross Recoba: : This match is a self-contained ‘Don’t try this at home, kids’ warning!
Casually descending the steps, NOMAD can only smile as he sees the now reddened face of the Champion.
Steve Morrison: How can you condone this? How does NOMAD say he wants to be the wrestler that Tap Out deserves as their Champion and then deliver a bloodbath like this?
Cross Recoba: : Laid, plans, mice, best, men…put those in a sentence and you’ll get the answer.
Reaching his destination, Sloane picks up Merric by the now matted Mullet.
Steve Morrison: Blood is pouring from that wound!
MERRIC ANSWERS WITH A WILD LOOKING HAYMAKER!!!! SNAKE EYES ONTO THE GUARD RAIL!!!
Cross Recoba: : But Aiden fights on, even if it’s only on instinct!
Using the precious seconds to recover, Merric slowly gets back to his feet and reaches for the back of his neck. NOMAD uses the guardrail to get back to a vertical base.
Steve Morrison: It’s hard to say which man is on top right now.
Aiden shoots a quick look around and a spark flies in his eyes as he spies his next move. NOMAD makes a beeline for him BUT MERRIC GRABS A SECURITY GUARD AND THROWS HIM AT NOMAD WHO CATCHES HIM OUT OF INSTINCT!!!!
Steve Morrison: MERRIC GETS THE SECURITY TEAM INVOLVED!
Cross Recoba: : Whatever comes to hand, Steve!
SUPERMAN PUNCH CONNECTS!!!!
Steve Morrison: AUSSIE RULES!!!!!!!!!!
Merric reaches down and picks up NOMAD, throwing him over the guardrail to the ringside area.
Cross Recoba: : We might be reaching the climax of the match!
Aiden climbs back over and leans against the railings, his face now covered in the metallic red of his own blood.
Steve Morrison: Merric’s face now a ghoulish mix of blood, sweat, and anger!
Quinn gets security to open a gate to let him back to the same area as the two fighters take in deep breaths to try and get a second or third wind going.
Cross Recoba: : Both men now beginning to realize that one good slam, suplex, or driver is all that stands between them and the belt that’s just feet away.
It’s Merric who reacts first. He grabs the arm of the challenger and whips him…NO! HE BRINGS HIM BACK…URANAGE BACKBREAKER!!! HAYMAKER!!!
Steve Morrison: TRAP TRICK!!
MERRIC KEEPS HOLD OF NOMAD….URANAGE SLAM ONTO THE SIDE OF THE RING!!!
Cross Recoba: ; PAYBACK!
The Champion rolls NOMAD into the ring and quickly follows. Quinn scrambling to the adjacent side of the ring to get back in.
Steve Morrison: HE’S LOOKING FOR THE FINISH!!
Reaching down, Merric forces NOMAD back to his feet and grabs an arm….CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!
Crowd: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIAAAAAATTOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: CONTRACT FULFILLED ONCE MORE!!!!!!
He hooks the leg!!
ONE!!!!!
TWO!!!!
THREE!!!
The crowd let out a cheer but it’s hushed as they await the break.
Cross Recoba: : If this is it, Merric saw his chance and took it. No splitting hairs, it was the mark of a Champion!
Steve Morrison: We’re not there yet…
Merric gets to his feet to try and use the thirty-second break to recover as best he can.
Steve Morrison: Has he fired his last shot though? If NOMAD gets up, what more can Aiden do?
NOMAD remains stone cold still as we see the XHF Medics in the background awaiting the need for their services. The cut on NOMAD’s cheek beginning to clot as we see a two-inch gash where the knife of Merric connected.
Cross Recoba: : He’ll be hoping he doesn’t need to find out…
Laura Messier: THE THIRTY-SECOND PERIOD HAS ENDED!!
Quinn is in place to make the count.
ONE!!!!
TWO!!!!
THREE!!!
Steve Morrison: You can hear the Merric sections of the crowd getting more excited with every count!
FOUR!!!!
FIVE!!!
SIX!!!
SEVEN!!!
NOMAD rolls over to his knees, his head resting on the mat.
Cross Recoba: : But will he be deemed able to answer the count?
EIGHT!!
THE VIOLENT WANDERER GETS TO HIS FEET BUT HE’S STILL NOT CLEAR!
Steve Morrison: Did he stagger?
NIN-
QUINN WAVES FOR THE MATCH TO CONTINUE!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOT BY QUINN’S JUDGEMENT!!
Mirroring the occasion earlier in the match, MERRIC SPRINTS TOWARDS HIS OPPONENT…SPINNING BACKFIST FROM HELL LANDS FLUSH ON THE CUT ON NOMAD’S CHEEK!
Steve Morrison: NOR’EASTER!!!!!!
Merric again makes the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT FROM NOMAD!!!
Cross Recoba: : Did he get it flush? Did he get the rotation right? He’ll be asking himself those questions later if he doesn’t take the title back home with him!
The Challenger, acting on instinct, scrambles to his feet but Merric reacts as quickly and follows in with a lifting knee to the gut of NOMAD to send him through the ropes!
Steve Morrison: This match may descend into carnage once more!
Climbing to the apron, Merric reaches down and places the head of NOMAD between his legs…
Cross Recoba: : We’ve heard about the Thunder from Down Under!
Steve Morrison: If he hits that Package Piledriver, we could be seeing the Champion retain!
NOMAD LIFTS HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER….KRYPTONITE KRUNCH ONTO THE APRON!!!!
Cross Recoba: : HUGE REVERSAL!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
The Challenger uses his feet to roll Merric into the ring and waits patiently.
Steve Morrison: What could he be planning??
NOMAD LEAPS…..SPRINGBOARD EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!!!
Cross Recoba: : Caught him under the chin!!
The smile returned on his face, Sloane hooks an arm over his shoulder and uses it to bring Merric back to his feet. He lifts…GOURDBUSTER OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Steve Morrison: Merric’s helpless….
Hanging precariously, Merric is prone AND NOMAD MAKES GOOD USE OF IT AS HE STORMS IN WITH A RUNNING BIG BOOT!!!
Cross Recoba: : He aimed THROUGH the head of Merric!
The Merric chants now stopped, it’s NOMAD’s crowd for the time being.
Crowd: NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS! NI-HI-LUS!
Sloane laughs at the crowd as he once more hooks a suplex lift to get Merric where he wants him….HE LIFTS….KNEECAP BRAINBUSTER!!!
Steve Morrison: NIHILUS FIVE!!!!!!!
NOMAD drops for the cover…
ONE…
TWO…
THR-
MERRIC WEAKLY ROLLS A SHOULDER FREE!!
Steve Morrison: MERRIC HANGS IN THERE!!!
Rising, NOMAD doesn’t miss the opportunity to drop a knee into the shoulder of Merric before using his mullet to force him up. He grabs the Champion’s arm, Armbreaker! He keeps hold of it…Short-arm Atomic Drop! No time to recover before Sloane fires off a European Uppercut! And another! And a third to drive Merric into the corner!
Cross Recoba: : I think the Champ’s still rocked from the brainbuster!
With a visible grimace as he does so, NOMAD lifts Merric to the top turnbuckle with an Atomic Lift…He climbs to the top-rope and hooks a Full-Nelson…
Steve Morrison: OH NO…
Cross Recoba: : WHATEVER. IT. TAKES!
HE LEAPS….FULL-NELSON NECKBREAKER FROM THE TOP!!!
Steve Morrison: SUPER LEDBETTER NECKBREAKER !!!!!
Again, Merric covers…
ONE…
TWO…
THRE-
MERRIC SOMEHOW GETS A SHOULDER UP!!
Steve Morrison: Aiden has more lives than a cat!
Cross Recoba: : He’s putting it all on the line tonight!
The Challenger shoots a glare of pure hatred towards “Big” John Quinn to clearly question the speed of the count. He changes tact quickly as he spies Merric rolling over to his knees…A QUICK PUNT SWEEPS THE ARM OUT! SLOANE GRABS THE OTHER ARM…FUJIWARA ARMBAR!!!
Cross Recoba: : Tactical move from NOMAD! He takes away the arm, that’s the Lariat threats of the Champion removed!
Merric looks in agony as NOMAD makes those few extra pounds and the extra inch in height work for him as much as he can as he bears down on the hold.
Steve Morrison: He’s working the torque for all it’s worth!
Aiden tries to reach for the ropes but with no DQs he realizes it wouldn’t immediately break the hold. He pushes up but finds NOMAD’s weight pushing him down.
Steve Morrison: Merric is in danger!
NOMAD pushes with his feet to get more leverage on the hold…MERRIC ROLLS HIM OVER WITH IT!! BOTH MEN RUSH TO THEIR FEET…URANAGE BACKBREAKER FROM MERRIC….NO!!! NOMAD SPINS AROUND WITH IT…EXPLODER SUPLEX INTO THE CORNER!!!
Cross Recoba: : NOMAD OUTPLAYED AIDEN THERE!
Aiden, almost certainly instinctively, scrambles to his feet but NOMAD is sprinting in…MERRIC AVOIDS THE BIG BOOT AND SLOANE’S DAMAGED LEG CONNECTS WITH THE RING POST!!!
Steve Morrison: HUBRIS! NOMAD COUNTED OUT MERRIC PREMATURELY!!
Merric pulls Sloane backwards before THROWING HIS HEAD INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!!
Cross Recoba: : What can he do from here though…
Aiden struggles but lifts the Challenger onto the top turnbuckle and climbs to the second.
Steve Morrison: Could we be seeing a Superplex. Could this end the match?
Cross Recoba: : Tell me you’re a Barry Windham fan without telling me you’re a Barry Windham fan…
SUPERPLEX…NO….BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: WHAT THE-
Cross Recoba: : DROPPED SKULL FIRST ONTO THE RING POST!!!!!
Collapsing to the mat, Merric can’t take immediate advantage from the move. NOMAD looks to be unconscious.
Steve Morrison: That might well be the most vicious move we’ve seen all night!
Cross Recoba: : But still not the most painful, that’s choosing to watch any Dana Daniels match!
Again, Quinn looks to Recoba at ringside but receives the same shake of the head as he did before.
Cross Recoba: : No draws, not at Supremacy and not in my match!
Aiden slowly crawls over to his opponent to make the pin. He drapes an arm over the Challenger.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE-NO!!
NOMAD ROLLS OUT!!
Steve Morrison: NOMAD CLINGS ON!!
Aiden knows he could have had him if he wasn’t so banged up from the match.
Cross Recoba: : That’s the knowledge that he could have won there and then but you can’t let it eat at you!
Sloane reaches out and rolls over to grab the ropes and start to make his way to his feet. Before he pushes up he looks over his shoulder to get a position on Merric and sees he has time to claw himself up to his feet.
Steve Morrison: Quick check from the Challenger…
MERRIC COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND GRABS HIS HEAD…HAIRPULL BACKBREAKER!!! AIDEN LIFTS HIM BACK UP AND PUSHES HIM TO THE ROPES…ROLLING KNEEBAR!!!
Steve Morrison: GORDON WITH THE ASSIST INTO THE SNARE!!
Working the knee as best he can, Merric tries to fashion the hold into the textbook example but NOMAD fights him all the way.
Cross Recoba: : Merric has shown great tactical awareness tonight, going for the leg once more and looking to take away the threat of those explosive power moves!
Using his six or so years in the ring, Aiden manages to sink the hold in but NOMAD has other ideas.
Steve Morrison: Sloane’s looking to move…
The Challenger reaches up and grabs the middle rope to get some form of leverage…HE THRUSTS HIS BOOT INTO THE FACE OF THE CHAMPION TO RELEASE THE HOLD!
Cross Recoba: : Not in any textbook escape but still as effective!!
Merric rolls over to his knees, holding his face. He looks to reach down but NOMAD staggers over to him and lifts him up. AIDEN THROWS HANDS!!! It’s now NOMAD’s turn to stagger back.
Steve Morrison: Did he catch him flush?
Cross Recoba: : Had to have done!
Merric forces himself to his feet and takes a millisecond to adjust his footing…SUPERMAN PUNCH!!
Steve Morrison: AUSSIE RULES CONNECTS BUT WHAT WAS THAT FLASH AS HE MOVED?
Cross Recoba: : Minnesotans probably still use flashbulb photography. I heard two of them talking about this new music movement called disco earlier today!
NOMAD DROPS TO THE MAT LIKE HE’S BEEN SHOT AS BLOOD CAN BE SEEN EXPLODING INTO THE AIR!!
Steve Morrison: NOW NOMAD’S BUSTED OPEN!!!
Aiden covers…
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!!!
Weakly rolling off his opponent we see that Merric’s right-hand sports a set of Brass Knuckles.
Steve Morrison: I TOLD YOU!
Cross Recoba: : It’s no disqualification, Merric has those on him in normal matches!!
The cameras hone in on NOMAD whose bloody cheek is now small fry compared to the clear and wide gash that adorns his forehead. His face quickly matching that of the Champion’s.
Steve Morrison: Blood now pouring onto the mat from both men. The canvas was off-white before this match but now is closer to reddish-pink!
Cross Recoba: : They can pull it off…
Steve Morrison: But this match could well be over, NOMAD just ate a Brass-Knuckle-sponsored Superman Punch!
Once more, the medics hover in the background as the ringside photographers’ flashes light up the backdrop.
Steve Morrison: Fans, the XHF Medical Team have been on hand since this match began. Clearly having been briefed about the danger.
Laura Messier: THIRTY-SECONDSHAVE ELAPSED!!
Cross Recoba: : Merric’s ten seconds away from taking home the title in his second defense in as many months!
The crowd roar as “Big” John Quinn starts the count for the third time..
ONE!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!
Steve Morrison: Once again, the Merric fans can barely hide their excitement…
FOUR!!
FIVE!!
SIX!!
Cross Recoba: : Just four short seconds from victory…
SEVEN!!
NOMAD SITS UP AND FEELS HIS HEAD!
Steve Morrison: He can taste the metallic tang of the blood!
Cross Recoba: : But can he stand on his own two feet?
EIGHT!
THE CHALLENGER ROLLS TO HIS FEET!! QUINN IS QUICK TO ASSESS HIM.
Steve Morrison: Will he get the thumbs up?
NINE!!
NOMAD GETS THE OKAY TO CONTINUE!!
Cross Recoba: : Merric needs a Plan C!
The two men rush to meet each other in the center!
Steve Morrison: WE’RE BACK ON!!
NOMAD connects with a chop!
Merric replies!
ANOTHER CHOP FROM THE CHALLENGER!
THE CHAMPION THROWS ANOTHER!
Cross Recoba: : No quarter given on either side!
AND ANOTHER FROM THE AUSTRALIAN!
HE THROWS AN OVERHAND RIGHT….NOMAD CATCHES IT!!!
Steve Morrison: What now?
THE CHALLENGER WRENCHES THE CHAMPION TOWARDS HIM…
Cross Recoba: : This can’t be good…
POP-UP…….LARIATO!!!!
Steve Morrison: ANTI-AIR LARIAT!!!
NOMAD looks for the quick cover…
ONE…
TWO…
THRE-
MERRIC KICKS OUT BUT ONLY JUST!
Steve Morrison: Weak kick-out but a kick-out nonetheless!
He breathes heavily as NOMAD looks down on him and plans his next attack.
Cross Recoba: : Merric isn’t going to get much time to muster more strength…
Lifting the Champion up, NOMAD lays another headbutt on the Australian and grabs his arm…POP-UP…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!
Steve Morrison: HATRED FROM DEATH VALLEY!!!
Rolling the Champion through weakly, NOMAD tucks the head of Merric between his legs. He lifts…and sets him down, holding his leg.
Steve Morrison: Can he get it?
Cross Recoba: : The legwork earlier paying off now for Merric!!
With a roar, NOMAD lifts up the Champion….KNEELING POWERBOMB!!
Steve Morrison: CRUMBLING TOWER!
Cross Recoba: : He didn’t look to get all of it!
Taking a moment to reach for his knee, NOMAD makes the cover….
Steve Morrison: That knee now giving Sloane issues!
ONE…
TWO…
T-
THE CROWD ROARS WITH SURPRISE AS MERRIC MANAGES TO KICK OUT WITH TIME TO SPARE!!!
Cross Recoba: : There’s a school of thought that says eating the three-count on that move would have been smarter. Thirty-nine seconds or so to recover your strength…
Steve Morrison: But Merric wouldn’t do that because-
Cross Recoba: : Pride…
NOMAD can scarcely believe it himself. He hooks a leg and arm and rolls to his feet in a Fireman’s Carry…HIS LEG BUCKLES!!!
Steve Morrison: Once more, NOMAD has issues with the lift!
Cross Recoba: : That’s what Aiden’s impressed me with tonight, the foresight in the gameplan. It gets to this stage and-
NOMAD RECOVERS…..FLOWSION!!!
Steve Morrison: MALACHOR!!!
The Violent Wanderer rolls on the mat holding his knee, the lift exacerbating the damage done by the post and Merric’s focus on it. He claws his way to Merric and drapes an arm…
ONE…
TWO….
THRE-
A SHOULDER BARELY LEAVES THE MAT BUT IT’S ENOUGH FOR QUINN TO STOP THE COUNT! The Match Official throws up two fingers in the air and shows them to the crowd and audience at home alike.
Steve Morrison: Aiden hangs on again!!!
Cross Recoba: : This might be the most spirited defense a Tap Out Champion has made. He just needs to retain and we’re already talking comeback of the year in January!
A pained expression is carved onto the face of the Challenger as he looks to the skies as if to ask what more can he do.
Steve Morrison: Is Sloane growing frustrated?
Cross Recoba: : He can’t afford to, if he gets frustrated he’ll get impatient and make mistakes!
Merric slowly gets to his feet, his arm buckling as he puts pressure on his arm but it too is damaged like his opponent’s leg.
Steve Morrison: Merric’s arm not looking at full-strength.
Cross Recoba: : The Fujiwara Armbar doing tis job…
Aiden leans over the ropes and looks into the crowd for inspiration, hope or anything that can turn the match back in his favor.
Steve Morrison: How can he turn this around?
Cross Recoba: : In matches like this, it’s in the blink of an eye….
The Tap Out Openweight Champion turns around…NOMAD CHARGES HIM WITH A BIG BOOT…IT’S DUCKED!!!!!! Merric gets the waistlock and wrist control.
Steve Morrison: HE HAS WRIST CONTROL!!
The crowd in the XHF Arena grow in noise as the big screens show what the viewers at home already know.
Cross Recoba: : This is it!
MERRIC PULLS THE CORD!!!! RIPCORD LARIAT!!!!
Steve Morrison: TARGET NEUTRALIZED!!!!!!!!
Aiden falls forward into the cover…
ONE….
Crowd: ONE!
TWO…
Crowd: TWO!!!
THRE-
Crowd: THREE!!
NO!!!!!!! NOMAD GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES AT THE LAST!!!
Steve Morrison: HOW IN THE WORLD!!!!!
Cross Recoba: : I DON’T BELIEVE IT!
Aiden stands up, believing the thirty-second break to begin but Quinn tells him otherwise. It takes Aiden a moment to process the news. He turns around …DUCKING THE INCOMING LARIAT….HE SETS HIMSELF…SUPERMAN PUNC—NO!!!!! NOMAD THROWS A HUGE JUMPING KNEE!!!
Steve Morrison: AUSSIE RULES INTERRUPTED BY NIHILUS TWO!!!!
Reaching down, NOMAD once more places the Champion between his legs and lifts…
Cross Recoba: : Can that leg hold up?
The Challenger staggers back but recovers himself….DROPPING THE CHAMPION INTO AN OVER THE SHOULDER SPIKE PILEDRIVER!!!!!!!!!
Steve Morrison: SCORCHED EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOMAD limply leans back to cover…
ONE…
TWO….
THREE!!!!
The crowd noise is muted as they wait for the thirty-seconds to pass.
Steve Morrison: We’re just thirty or so seconds from a new Champion!
Cross Recoba: : Merric has eaten everything tonight. It’s on a knife-edge as to whether he’ll suck this one up or it’s the final nail in the coffin for him.
Laying in the center of the ring, Merric remains still. NOMAD himself isn’t much more mobile than that, taking in deep breaths of air on his back as he turns his head to see the blood-stained canvas.
Steve Morrison: Both men are running on fumes at best!
Crowd: LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO! LET’S GO, MERRIC, LET’S GO!
Laura Messier: THE THIRTY-SECOND WINDOW HAS ENDED!!!
Cross Recoba: : Crunch time…
“Big” John Quinn stands over the Champion as he makes the count…
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!
FOUR!!!!!
FIVE!!!!!!!!
Merric is yet to move but his eyes open.
Steve Morrison: The Australian now in the most important few seconds of his career…
SIX!!!!!
SEVEN!!!!!
EIGHT!!!!
AIDEN FORCES HIMSELF TO HIS KNEES!!!
Steve Morrison: THE ROOF JUST CAME OFF THIS PLACE!!
NINE!!!
HE STANDS UP BUT STAGGERS BACKWARDS INTO THE ROPES!!!
Cross Recoba: : NO!
TEN!!!!
QUINN CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!
Steve Morrison: I’M SPEECHLESS….
THE CROWD HAVE BECOME SILENT!!!!
Laura Messier: The winner of the match, due to TKO, ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW TAP OUT OPENWEIGHT CHAMPION….THE VIOLENT WANDERER….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMAAAAADDDD!!!
“Rotten Apple” by Alice in Chains plays as NOMAD uses the ropes to push up from the seated position he’d taken up to witness the changing of the guard. He staggers back as he puts pressure on the knee but “Big” John Quinn is there to steady him. He raises his arm and gives him the belt whilst the new Champion processes what’s just happened.
Steve Morrison: This changes EVERYTHING for our next show!
Cross Recoba: : Will Merric even be cleared?
Steve Morrison: He went down fighting and you’d be hard pushed to find anyone on the Network, let alone on our roster, who’d have done much different…
Cross Recoba: : The fight now is to prove you can win it back…
The XHF Medical Team surrounds the fallen Champion as he comes to and realizes what just transpired.
Hawke: Ladies and gents, it is now time for our main event of the evening. As you have seen, the Annihilation Complex’s three cages have been suspended above the ring area all night. And as soon as all nine competitors hit the ring they will be lowered into place.
Bonnie Jenkins: XHF NETWORK FANS! It is time for the main event. This match is an Annihilation Complex match and is for the XHF X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP! The first wrestler to score a pinfall or submission in the ring will be declared the winner.
The slow beginning to ‘Styles Clash’ plays through the P.A. System in the arena as the house lights flash down onto the stage once the beat kicks in and onto the entrance curtain as the crowd awaits the arrival of James Raymond and raining down the mixture of cheers and boos from every inch of the arena. The figure of James slowly passes through the curtain from Gorilla Position as he looks around the arena. The half-mask worn around his head doesn’t give James the advantage of expressing himself, but from the way he’s looking around the arena and soaking in the crowd’s negative reaction, his nods are in approval of how the crowd feels about him. James begins his walk to the ring, the spotlights following him down the ramp as he ignores those who reach out for him, even going as far as kicking the barricade that holds the fans back as he passes by. The Coventry native makes his way to ringside and walks around the ring until he’s leapt onto the ring apron where the hard cam faces, from there he begins to unwrap the mask from behind his head, pulling away at the final knot as the ring announcer begins his introduction.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first … representing JROK and wrestling out of Coventry City, England though residing in Shibuya City, Japan and weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty-seven pounds… THE BROKEN CROWN ... JAMES RAYMOND!
Upon hearing his name being announced, James pulls the mask away from his head and reveals the bottom half of facial features to the hard camera that points right down at him, finally getting a good look at his cocky grin rubbed all over his face before he passes through the ropes and enters the ring, looking around the arena with that same shit-eating smug look on his face as he slips free from his ring jacket and places it down in his corner, ready for the match to begin / ready for his opponent to enter the arena.
Randy: My fellow JROK bro! I may not always like him, depends on how much of my favorite drink I’ve had, but he is gonna bring the crown back so I can win it!
Hawke: He is an XHF veteran at this point, having been in the global tag division and in the Network dating back to AXW.
Randy: Speaking of AXW … an old war is about to reignite…
The opening thumping riff of “Don’t Tread on Me” by Metallica begins to echo around the arena. The fans erupt in cheers for their favorite ne’er-do-well and former President. A hush falls however as Esmerelda Kanyon wheels out the former X*Crown champion and president of violence in his wheelchair. Kanyon IS dressed in his usual wrestling attire, though with green highlights and “SA” on both thighs. He has his head down … his loving wife kisses him on the cheek as Raymond points and laughs at his former foe. Suddenly Esmerelda returns holding the Mjolnir sledgehammer than Curtis is prone to using. He grasps it in his hand and looks at it. He whispers something to the hammer as his wife backs up. He raises it to his face height and a sickening smirk crosses those wizened lips. He roars as he thrusts the hammer into the air and from nowhere, a lightning storm crashes down onto the head of the hammer. Sparks fly and smoke billows. When the lightning subsides … there … STANDS … Curtis Kanyon. His wheelchair lies next to him, engulfed in flames and smoking up a storm. He laughs and yells out, “TONIGHT … IS FOR STEVE!” and storms to the ring twirling his hammer between his hands like a mad man.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering second, representing GUNS and wrestling out of Washington D.C., he stands at 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighs in tonight at 270 pounds. He is the former President … the original BANG bro … CURTIS D. KANYON!
Curtis then climbs into the ring and goes to the turnbuckles. He climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!" He jumps down and gives his hammer to the ref, ready for action!
Hawke: Curtis and James Raymond have had a storied history.
Randy: Yeah but James has had Kanyon’s number previously. It’s his one major bugaboo! *sips sake*
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while glaring at Curtis Kanyon.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering next, representing CAR, she comes to us by way of Raleigh, North Carolina. She stands at 6 feet even and weighed in today at 200 pounds. She is one half of the longest reigning XHF Global Tag Team Champions … MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!
Randy: Why does everyone have beef with the president? Is it politics? Did he put a tax on reading? I bet he put a tax on reading …
Hawke: I’m thinking it was the extended feud the BANG Hermanos/Bros had with Top of the Class in Fireside over those tag titles. And they got some measure of revenge by defeating the Bang Bros during their title reign.
As the slow, creeping sounds of Heilung start to play the lights around the entrance dim down to bare visibility. The drums of the song beat, as small glimpses of a rainstorm can be seen on screen. The stage itself begins to billow out a thick fog, a cold mist curling its way along the platform and down the ramp. Quickly, the stage itself is engulfed in the fog, as much of the ramp is also. A small light shines its weak glow from the entrance, shining against the figure of a man. His silhouette, huge in size against the soft light now moves as he does, down the ramp and through the curtain of mist. He emerges towards the end of the ramp, his form now fully visible… Ozymandias.
Bonnie Jenkins: And entering next, representing SCCW. He is one half of the SCCW Double Down Champions, The Immortals! He comes to us from Old Harbour, Alaska by way of Reine, Norway. He stands at a monstrous 6 feet 7 inches and weighs in at a titanic 357 pounds. He is the Butcher of Reine … OZYMANDIAS!
He pauses before the ring, staring into the squared-cage before slowly removing his jacket and placing it under the apron. He stands upright, cracks his neck in both directions then power-squats onto the apron, before entering through the ropes.
Hawke: We knew precious little about the man known as the Butcher of Reine until the promotional run-up to this event. Now we know he frightened the SCCW beat reporter into silent insanity …
Randy: And this is why it’s safer to work for Kira and Nausicaa than Aleister!
Hawke: … The burnt remains of the center of Tokyo would disagree …
Randy: DYLAN DID IT! … He’s not here right? *guzzles a 64oz soda machine cup full of concessions beer*
Light slowly fades towards complete darkness as "Five Ten Fiftyfold" begins
Wheezing and sneezing,
Tenfold it blew apart,
Tenfold it blew apart,
The fade eases to a stop, turning teal green and bathing the audience and ring in an eerie gloom
It halved it in half,
And went gushing gust wind
And went gushing gust wind
The bass gliiiides, the drums hit and Random McConalogue appears, a large towel tied to her wrist, shoulders lightly swaying as she walks. Serene and calm, she casually strolls, shoulders lightly oscillating in a slow sync. Her body is calm and relaxed, like a moonlight walk in the park, but her gaze is fixed, staring at the empty ring/her opposition1 with snake eyes. She's never in a hurry, she doesn't need to be.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing TAPOUT, she hails from Glasgow, Scotland. Standing at 5 feet and 9 inches, weighing in tonight at 143 pounds … she is ”Mostly Harmful” … RANDOM McCONALOGUE!
Randy: The resident dice lady here to make my brain hurt. I tried to listen to her speak and between the brogue and the math, especially the math … I went through ten youtube videos trying to learn what she meant! Then I forgot it all when the beer wore off overnight.
Hawke: … How do you function?
Randy: Not well, Joey. Not well.
Hawke: Regardless, Random here will be looking to pull another big upset or maybe another flash finish to claim the X*Crown for Tapout.
Evil green mist bellows out of the ring entrance as a woman screams and Psychotic Goth laughing maniacally as "Welcome To Your Death" by Annihilator plays and Vampira leads Psychotic Goth to ringside in chains while holding Psychotic Goth's homemade weapon. He ignores the ringsiders and stops at the ring for Vampira to unlock the chains and Psychotic Goth rubs his wrists hard as he climbs the ringsteps and enters the ring and stands in his corner. He slowly takes off his trenchcoat and jewelry before he lowers his head and raises his arms before throwing his head back revealing his pale handsome gothlike looks looking and snarling like a demonic maniac crazed and intimidating as he is given his homemade weapon and he caresses it before placing it in his corner for Vampira to hold until it's time for Psychotic Goth to use it.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing Wrestle: UK, he hails from the Depths of Hell … apparently … he stands at 6 feet and 5 inches tall and weighed in today at 235 pounds. He is PSYCHOTIC GOTH!
Hawke: Goth makes a new homemade weapon, tailor-made for every match he is in. And tonight it’s legal to use it.
Randy: It’s enough to drive you to drink! *gulps a shot of schnapps.*
Hawke: … Existing drives you to drink.
Randy: HERE HERE! *gulps a shot of absinthe and cringes*
“Alexandrian Ricochet Sphere” by Truxton hits the speakers as the fans erupt. The Furminator makes his way onto the ramp. He looks around and gives UwU eyes to the cheering fans before charging down the ramp. ARM815H1 MK.69 leaps into the ring with one huge pounce. He lands in the center and begins to scout his opposition.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing the dearly departed Dinosaur Bones, they comes to us from … uh … UwUniverse Station … on Mars … They stand at 6 feet 6 inches and weigh in at 300 pounds of metal and lust … The Furminator … ARMBISHI MARK 69! … what? Well I can’t speak robot language so I read it phonetically!
Randy: So uh … killer robots. Should we contact the trons again? Last time this happened Dylan almost got violated by a mecha-bear.
Hawke: I think the violating is a program design on this one …
Randy: Well they have a sizable fan following here tonight … actually a lot of overlap between the CARnies and furries … huh …
Thunder crashes before the song starts, the lights turning dim like torchlight. “Valhalla Calling Me” by Miracle of Sound begins to echo around the XHF HQ Arena. Andrej walks out as the singing starts, his footfalls timed perfectly to the drums. He's smiling, but gets more serious as he looks towards the ring and his foe if they are there. He turns his smile to any fans that are cheering him from the aisle, giving thumbs up and high fives to any kids he sees. When he gets to ringside he looks toward it as the camera pans around him and captures his thickly muscled form. He jumps up to the ring ropes, slipping into the ring between them before doing this gesture passed down his family line to honor the Raven watching over them. He moves to his corner, letting another smile crack across his face as he gets excited for the brawl that's about to begin.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, representing the Diamond Training Facility. He comes to us from … I uh … I can’t read this … uh … from the Diamond Training Facility! … Nailed it, Bon. He stands at 5 feet 9 inches and weighs in at a stout 300 pounds. The Modern Day Berserker … ANDREJ VON GRAPPLE!
Randy: Whoa, a real life Viking!
Hawke: He is the man that Jack Diamond decided to put forth as the student worthy of taking this title. And he is surely an impressive specimen.
Randy: I RAISE MY HORN TO THEE! *sips mead from a drinking horn*
Hawke: Where do you get all this stuff-
Randy: Joey … I stabbed the horn into my leg. Let’s just move on.
“Miami Disco (metal cover)” by Alex Yarmak blares over the speakers. Kilroy Evans steps onto the stage with the version of the X*Crown championship around his waist. He walks to the ring at a relaxed pace, taking time to talk to the fans, have a laugh with them, and point out signs he finds particularly funny. It's clear as he enters that Kilroy is intent on enjoying every part of the match, start to finish. Once he's in the ring, he's still all smiles, but is completely focused on the five men, two women, and one robot here to take his newly won X*Crown title. Kilroy locks eyes on them barely blinking as he stares at them. He raises his title belt high over his head and the crowd cheers.
Bonnie Jenkins: And finally. Representing Hardkore World, and hailing from Attbury, South Carolina. He stands at 5 feet and 11 inches and weighed in this afternoon at 245 pounds. He is your reigning and defending XHF X*Crown Champion. He is … KILROY EVANS!
Hawke: And here he is, the man who took two titles from Cross Recoba. Doing what Bloodied Fox and Death Trap could not.
Randy: You have to wonder if being around Marty Donovan and his Disney antics means he has some experience with killer robots.
Hawke: Maybe animatronics … Regardless he is another person in this match who thrives on violence and blood.
Randy: Yes the relatively laid back ARM815H1 MK.69-
Hawke: How the hell did you pronounce numbers correctly-
Randy: The more well-rounded James Raymond, and the more technical focused Mistress and Random will surely have their work cut out for them.
XHF X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Annihilation Complex Match
James Raymond (JROK) vs. Curtis D. Kanyon (GUNS) vs. Mistress Discipline (CAR) vs. Ozymandias (SCCW) vs. Random McConalogue (Tapout) vs. Psychotic Goth (WUK) vs. ARM815H1 MK.69 (DB) vs. Andrej von Grapple (DTF) vs. Kilroy Evans (HKW)©
Kilroy marches to the middle of the ring and begins to tell everyone else that he expects a proper match. With fighting, and blood, and violence. None of this mamby pamby space pod or golf stuff. Referee Sophia Vasquez has drawn the main event assignment and she quickly ushers him away so she can get this shit started. She signals to the timekeeper who presses a button and all three cages descend to the proper location. They are quickly locked into place. There are no doors to the outside … only the doors between cells, which remain unlocked.
Randy: And here we go! Good luck in there Sophia! We’ll grab some tequila later.
She calls for the bell and we are underway! The eight challengers all begin to dart their eyes back and forth. Mistress looks up at the cell and takes it in. As soon as the ref has moved to the ropes, Kanyon comes barreling out like a rocket and crushes Raymond into the corner. He lays in rights and lefts as the JRoK star turtles up and tries to defend. Kanyon rains overhead rights to the skull of his mortal enemy before howling in triumph. Psychotic Goth roars in an ancient dialect and advances on the masked man in front of him. Ozymandias ignores him and stares down Kilroy. As Evans mouths off to the Butcher of Reine, Goth blindsides Ozy with a double axe handle to the back of the skull. He then stomps on the foot of the SCCW star. Ozy whips around and clobbers Goth with a headbutt, but Goth just laughs and tosses his hair out of his face and comes in with a blitzkrieg assault of kicks and punches. Andrej begins to suss out what to think of the robotic vulpine in front of him. He begins to circle the protogen. For their part, Bishy-bot simply cocks his head to one side, then cocks it to the other. Suddenly, Kilroy Evans comes in like a shot and tries to spear von Grapple. Andrej remains standing and looks down at the man with a quizzical look. Kilroy looks up and raises an eyebrow. He pats Andrej on the chest and then lifts him into the air for a belly to belly. Actually impressed, Andrej smiles. He then slams his meaty arms across the spine of the champ causing him to let go. Evans refuses to let up and charges right back in. Kanyon whips Raymond across the ring. James leaps onto the back of Kilroy as he tries to spear Andrej. Raymond then leaps over the head of von Grapple and onto the top rope before dropping to the apron and escaping the ring, pointing to his head. As this is going on, the two technical wrestlers are engaging in a bit of measuring one another up. A tentative test of strength has them jockeying for position while avoiding the meat in the middle of the ring. They just manage to avoid Goth flying past them after being beal tossed by Ozy. Ozy barrels in past them and crushes Goth in the corner with a clothesline before throwing him back to the middle of the ring. As he approaches for more, Goth lashes out with a dropkick to the left knee and then drop toe hold on the big man. As they jockey, Discipline begins to get the advantage using her height and weight advantage to her benefit.
Randy: There is so much action going on right now.
Hawke: Looks like some people had a game plan, or at least people to avoid. Kanyon is now rolling out of the ring.
Randy: Well sure, he wants to end James Raymond for sure. If my memory is correct, and it often isn’t… *sips tequila* James is the new Visual Kei Champ!
Kanyon comes sprinting as fast as his newly healed legs will carry him. James Raymond dodges at the last second letting Curtis BANG the hard steel steps, dislodging them and sending the top part flying to the cage wall. As CDK tries to get to his feet, Raymond hits a Pele Kick, staggering the former president. He then leaps to the apron and tries for an asai moonsault, but Kanyon catches him and powerslams him onto the bottom half of the steel steps. In the corner of the ring, Discipline has hooked in a sleeper hold on Random. Mostly Harmful manages to leap to the middle rope and push off to send them tumbling before popping up into a sleeper of her own somehow. Mistress stomps on her foot to loosen the hold before using her strength to haul Random over her own head and drop her to the mat and lock in a seated body scissor. She grabs for the right arm and tries to wrench it into a kimura. McConalogue manages to get a hold of the arm of Discipline and attempts to bend the fingers into some direction they are not meant to go. Goth is taking some pot shots at Ozy, dodging and weaving but doing little damage to the big man. Suddenly and violently, Ozy lashes out and catches Goth by the throat. He hurls him at Andrej. Von Grapple for his part, manages to shove Kilroy away from his continued attempts to suplex the big man. He catches Goth and hurls him over the top rope and to the floor towards the ramp with a massive overhead belly-to-belly suplex.
Randy: Holy shit! Who knew Goth could fly!?
Hawke: I think any of these competitors could in the hands of Andrej. That is one particularly cut specimen of meat. HOLY-
Sure enough, Goth lands and arches his back and turns right into a massive clothesline from Kanyon. Kanyon wastes no time hauling Goth over and hitting a back suplex onto the steel steps, Raymond just avoiding the crashing Psychotic one. In the ring, Kilroy turns to ARM815H1 MK.69 and smiles. As it turns out Bishy is using their level 3 Somnabulist power of … sleep. Kilroy shakes the robot awake and begins to talk to it.
Kilroy Evans: Hey! Hey man, listen. You should work with me! Look at how big and meaty these two lads are. You love to beat the meat, yeah?
ARM815H1 MK.69: … Go on …
Kilroy Evans: Well you and I could totally ruin these two guys. Besides, I’m the one who beat Cross. I humiliated him.
ARM815H1 MK.69: I do not follow…
Kilroy Evans: Cross is the one who beat Fox for this title. But he DIDN’T finish the job. He stopped! And then Fox hurt your friend! It’s all Cross’s fault that your role model isn’t here now. And I stopped him! I’m great, right?
Randy: … There is no way that works right? Robots are supposed to be intelligent and immune to emotion.
Hawke: Kilroy is nothing if not convincing. He has a history of getting people to go along with him.
Randy: But ARM815H1 MK.69 is smarter than that. You watch! They won’t-
ARM815H1 MK.69: Sounds logical to me!
Randy: Ah … well …
While this conversation has been going down, Ozy and Andrej have been engaged in a big hoss-off. Punches raining back and forth, finding their mark. Ozy’s mask is bent and battered. Andrej has blood trickling from his nose and a smile on his face. His right fist is also showing bloodied knuckles from hitting the mask of the cultist. Meanwhile, Random has Discipline in a modified arm bar trying to free herself from the powerful thighs of the librarian. On the outside, Raymond is on the ground, eating fists from Kanyon, while Goth is getting a pep talk on his new steel staircase bed from his manager Vampira. Discipline breaks her hold to eliminate the pressure from the dice girl. Instead she gets pulled down into a fujiwara arm bar. Andrej suddenly surges forward and catches Ozymandias in a massive bear hug! Ozy, for what it’s worth, wraps his arms around von Grapple and both men try to squeeze the life out of each other. Raymond manages to roll away from Kanyon and as the president chases him, he manages to kick him in the knee cap twice. Mistress manages to grab the ropes and uses the leverage to pull her attacker back and through the ropes to the apron. As Random stands, Mistress hooks her arms on the top rope and then grabs the leg through the middle and bottom rope and makes a form of a standing tarantula hold to stretch the mathematical wizard. Raymond manages to get to his feet and grab Kanyon, slamming his head into the steel cell wall! Ozy tries to thrash the bear hug but von Grapple stands firm on the mat and tries to crush the breath from Ozy’s lungs. Suddenly both men get tapped on the shoulder.
ARM815H1 MK.69: I don’t mean to interrupt such a wonderful UwU moment but …
Randy: Whoa! ARM815H1 just managed to punch both big men in the mouth and they both just toppled over!
Hawke: Well he is a robot. His strength is unmatched when he focuses it on a task.
Andrej looks stunned but excited that there are TWO men who can match his power AND a third who will keep coming at him no matter what he does! Ozy has no time to consider this as the Furminator grabs him and hauls him to his feet and headbutts him. Kilroy catches the stumbling SCCW tag team champ in a German Suplex. Random gets one arm free and uses it to grab the hair of Discipline and yank her forward into the rope to break the hold. She ducks into the ring and takes down Mistress with a rugby tackle before transitioning into the mount and pulling both arms of the former tag team champ into a modified arm bar. Raymond is now bouncing the skull of the former president off the cell wall. A quick pull on the belt area pulls Curtis into a half hatch suplex on the outside. Mistress manages to get her legs up and around the arms of Random and now the two technical experts are tied in a knot trying to hyperextend each other’s shoulders. Andrej stands toe to toe with the menacing visage of ARM815H1 and couldn’t be more chuffed. He sends a punch to the head of the robot. Bishy stumbles back, his eyes turn into quizzical expression. He isn’t used to being struck with such force by something that isn’t a kaiju living in the stomach of a dracolich. As Raymond pulls Kanyon to his feet, he mouths off about being better. He is stopped short when Psychotic Goth comes in with a running STO to the JROK champ.
Randy: C’mon James, you’re making us all look bad!
Hawke: This is a true cluster of a match. Nine fighters all trying to just wear down the others.
The Furminator answers back with a punch of his own. Now the two heavyweights are trading blows, neither giving an inch. Eventually Andrej hits a scoop slam on the big robot. Kilroy has Ozy on the mat and is grinding his elbow into the face and throat of the masked man. Psychotic Goth stomps on the shoulders of James Raymond before turning his attention to the former X*Crown champ on the floor. He locks in a koji clutch! Kanyon grunts in pain but doesn’t seem willing to give an inch. Raymond rolls over and is about to try and stop this when he realizes Kanyon can’t tap on the floor. So he just watches with a smirk. Kanyon shouts at him to help him but James just waves his fingers at Kanyon. He rolls into the ring and sends a big punt to the butt of Random sending the ball of female fighters tumbling off balance, breaking both holds. He then springboards to the top rope and off it with a moonsault across both of them. Kilroy comes barreling in and hits Andrej from behind with a clubbing blow, letting Bishy hit a bossman slam. Raymond comes from behind Kilroy and rolls him up!
ONE!
ARM815H1 MK.69 breaks it up by grabbing Raymond by the back of the neck and just lifting him up off the pin.
Randy: And our first pin attempt was a flash finish special.
Hawke: Kanyon is really being drained of his energy by Goth on the outside.
Kanyon manages to grab the cell and pull forward sending Goth’s skull into the metal to break the hold. Ozymandias is to his feet and sees the two female competitors pulling themselves off the mat. He charges in and turns them inside out with a double lariat. He reaches down to grab McConalogue, but finds her tangled around his arm like a creeping vine. She is somehow managing to try and dislocate his left elbow with a body scissor. He drops to a knee to lessen the weight on him. Mistress rolls out of the ring and spies Goth pulling himself up on the cage wall. The two lock eyes and Goth shouts in an ancient Minnesotan dialect.
Mistress Discipline: … That was NOT a real language.
Goth spits on the floor and charges her. She dodges and slams his chest into the ring apron before catching the Dunce Cap choke sleeper on the rebound. Ozy lifts Random up using his tangled arm and then applies his free arm to extract her from his limb and slam her into the mat with a modified uranage. He pins.
ONE!
Broken up by Kilroy.
Random rolls out of the ring as Kilroy apples a dragon sleeper to Ozy. Raymond has managed to free himself from ARM815H1 MK.69 and flipped the protogen to the mat with a cross armbreaker. Andrej is to his feet and grabs the head of Kilroy, breaking the submission. He proceeds to beal toss the X*Crown Champ over the heads of Raymond and Bishy. Kilroy crashes to the floor and rolls up against the door to the ramp cage. As Sophia Vasquez maintains view of the action in the ring, she misses the sneaky Vampira approaching the champ. She lifts the hand-made weapon into the air …
Randy: BANG!!!!!!
Hawke: Curtis Kanyon banged Psychotic Goth’s wife!
Randy: In a purely psychotic way.
Hawke: The word is platonic.
Randy: … Is it …?
Goth sees this and immediately powers out of the sleeper. He shoves Discipline away. A dropkick to the chest makes sure she won’t follow. As Kanyon grabs Kilroy by the throat and slams his head against the cage door, he doesn’t see Goth sprinting his way. Goth grabs his weapon from the ground and bellows in an ancient Norse dialect. This gets Kanyon’s attention. The ex-president spins and narrowly rolls out of the way of the specialty weapon. Kilroy isn’t so lucky ... and is so in the way. The weapon crashes into the skull of the champ sending him though the cage door to the ramp with a huge gash on his forehead. Kanyon tackles Goth into the cage wall and sends shoulders to the gut until the handle of the weapon is used as a spear to crash into the pressure point in the collarbone area of Kanyon.
Randy: Well, at least the blood stains will be a reminder to everyone that Kilroy was here.
Hawke: … Really Randy?
In the ring, Andrej and Ozymandias once again stare down each other. As Andrej tries to talk to his worthy opponent, he is instead met with a headbutt and then a vicious lariat. Von Grapple refuses to go down and instead batters his foe across the side of the head with alternating forearm strikes. Ozy hits a flurry of haymakers. Von Grapple backs to the ropes. Raymond breaks his hold as it seems like ARM815H1 MK.69 is not even being fazed by it. He instead kips up and drops the top rope letting Andrej back up and over it to the outside. James then ducks behind Ozy and sprints off the far ropes. On the return he uses the rising ARM815H1 as a tripping point, dropkicking Ozy so he stumbles into the Furminator and trips, also going over the ropes. Kanyon stumbles away from Goth and bumps into the rising Andrej and falling Ozy … only for Raymond to somersault plancha over the ropes onto all three men! He slides back into the ring. He sprints off the ropes and uses ARM815H1 MK.69 as a step stool to leap further out and hits a launching suicide dive onto Goth. He runs back into the ring. All four downed men stand up at once and cluster together …
Randy: He wouldn’t be dumb enough to go for a third…
Hawke: He may not get the chance, Armbishi is still in the ring!
Raymond ducks a clothesline from the protogen and comes back off the rope and under another clothesline. He leaps to the top rope and springs off with a shooting star press … only for Goth, Kanyon, Andrej and Ozymandias to catch him. Each one takes a limb and they swing him back and forth until they literally lawn dart him into the cage wall. As he falls he manages to grab the cage and hang from one arm to avoid taking bludgeon AND fall damage. Goth grabs his unique weapon from the floor and unloads on Ozymandias. He then unloads on Andrej. He turns and hits Ozy again, who stumbles through the cell door onto the ramp where Kilroy is recovering. Raymond slowly begins to recover and cling all four limbs to the cell wall. He decides to climb away from the cluster of fuckery. Goth turns to swing at Andrej, but he rolls into the ring to escape. Mistress Discipline has rolled back into the ring as well from one side of the ring, Random rolls in from the other. Mistress rises and sees ARM815H1 MK.69. Their eyes turn into hearts. They look around at all the CARnies and Beahr Buddies out to support the CAR rep. Having had limited exposure to the world outside the DB arena (read: undead critter tummy), Bishy mistakes her for Brittney.
ARM815H1 MK.69: uWu we are such a fan!
Mistress Discipline: … I am ... honored?
Randy: Oh look! A burgeoning team-up!
Hawke: I wonder why the robot seems to want to help Mistress Discipline.
Randy: She isn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Joey. Wouldn’t you team up with someone labeled, “Invincible”?
ARM815H1 MK.69: We should help each other out. Us furries need to stick together!
Mistress Discipline: What do you propose?
ARM815H1 MK.69: No proposal, commitment is for chumps, let’s kick booty!
Mistress Discipline: I … am going to take the one on your left.
They turn and Mistress charges Random. She is dropped with a drop toe hold and rolled into a half crab. Bishy begins sending kicks to the ribs of the Modern Day Berserker. Outside the ring Goth has found his next target. Kanyon. A swing of the weapon … and sparks fly! Mjolnir the sledgehammer of the Gods intercepts the weapon. What follows can best be described as a Hollywood sword fight or lightsaber duel but using a sledgehammer and a random weapon as the swords. Sparks fly with each clash of metal on metal as both men hiss in anger and rage. Kanyon shouts, “FOR THOR!” Goth shouts in an ancient Scandinavian tongue. Kanyon adds, “FOR STEVE!” Goth just hisses at him. More clashing. Mistress manages to use the ropes to pull up and force Random to stumble forward off the hold. ARM815H1 MK.69 meanwhile is refusing to be whipped to the ropes. Andrej is equal parts annoyed and impressed by the steadfast stand by the android. He instead shoots in on the robot and dumps him with a very high angle back body drop. On the ramp, Ozy is recovering from his bludgeoning when he is locked into a sleeper by Kilroy.
Hawke: This has turned into a regular slug fest.
Randy: It’s impressive really. Look at all the chaos. Over one belt. Twenty four belts … whatever. *Sips mead from a mug with Chris Hemsworth on it.*
James Raymond is now scaling the roof of the cell. Kanyon sees this and raises his hammer to the sky. A lightning bolt comes down and hits the roof, causing the panel next to James to pop open and dangle over the ring. Mistress now catches Random with a snap suplex before dropping a big leg drop on the throat. ARM815H1 MK.69 gets to their feet and Andrej again tries to prove his might and Irish whip the beast. He pulls with all his might. The protogen holds his ground … until …
POP!
Randy: Well that’s a weapon down, ARM815H1 MK.69 has been … DISARMED!
Hawke: … … oh I get it.
Indeed Andrej looks down into his hands in horror, then up at the Furminator who is now approximately 25 pounds lighter on his left side. They look at their shoulder … their arm is completely gone … and in von Grapple’s grapple. Andrej apologies profusely and places it back on the shoulder and pats it into place. It drops to the mat.
ARM815H1 MK.69: … How un-uWu … I was using that arm.
Andrej again apologizes and uses his might to pop it back into place. He tells the robot to test it. Which they do … by hitting a massive shotei to the face of von Grapple and then whipping HIM to the corner hard. Andrej crashes chest first into the corner and comes Bishy charges in and dropkicks him. Andrej spins and crashes back first into the corner and drops to a seat. Goth has the advantage. With Kanyon taking time to summon lightning, he left himself open to a shot to the gut and now he is on his back using his hammer to defend against psychotic strikes from the gothic one. Goth flips his hair back as if it flows in the wind, and fakes Kanyon out only to punt him in the nuts. Raymond has actually climbed to the roof of the cell to recover and bide his time. Kilroy is refusing to let Ozy manhandle him, slamming the big masked brute back first into the cell wall along the ramp. He then turns it into a Northern Lights suplex. Finally he locks in a Mexican Surfboard stretch on the man from Old Harbour. In the ring, Mistress sits up the dice girl and hits a shining big boot to the face. She pins. Sophia counts.
ONE!
TW-Kickout by Random.
Randy: Neither of the women have taken all that much damage this match, choosing to try and out technical each other.
Hawke: Well it makes no sense getting into a dick measuring contest, there’s a title on the line.
Randy: Yeah! Besides I think they’d be at a DISTINCT disadvantage. *SLAP!* OW! Some busty blonde in the front row just slapped me!
Kanyon manages to roll to the side to avoid a blow from the weapon, then roll to the other side to dodge again. He kicks the knees of Goth to try and get away. Goth stumbles and Kanyon yanks on his luscious locks to send him off balance to the floor. Curtis slowly pulls up on the ring apron, holding his jewels. ARM815H1 MK.69 charges at the seated von Grapple and hits the Bronco Buster. Being a robot he activates piston mode and just rapid fire crotch slams the face of the poor Viking. The crowd hears the gears grinding as the foxy bot just gratuitously deals out dickings to the modern day berserker. Finally Andrej manages to slide down to the mat and out of harm’s way.
Randy: MEN ARE FROM MARS, HERE IS MY PENIS!
Hawke: WHAT!? KEEP YOUR PANTS ON, RANDY!
Randy: No that’s the move name! Look at your info sheet!
Hawke: Still a horrible thing to sa- … where are your pants?
Randy: That is UNRELATED to the move, I had to pee and I lost them… Broke the seal too … rookie mistake.
Hawke: Please stop urinating on the announce table.
Mistress has Random on her feet and comes off the ropes for the Final Bell! But Random matrix dodges the flying knee and catches the plant leg, slinging the former global tag champ to the mat and torqueing the knee hard. After the improvised Dragon Screw, she floats over into the Western Spiral Armbar on Discipline. Bishy celebrates his successful attack and turns … BANG!!!
Randy: KANYON BANGED THE SEX BOT!
Hawke: Esmerelda would be pissed if she heard this commentary Randy…
Randy: She’s still on the stage watching, Joey.
On the ramp Ozy has Kilroy by the throat and lifts him off the ground. He then beal tosses him up the ramp. He wipes Evans’s blood into a handprint on his chest. He slowly stalks the champ as Kilroy stumbles to his feet near the door to the stage. Ozy charges and spears the life out of Kilroy busting the door off its hinges and spilling onto the stage. Kanyon turns to the two ladies in the ring and smiles. He asks Mistress if she remembers him.
Mistress Discipline: Unfortunately. But I am also otherwise … engaged … if you wish to address the past with me you will need to free me.
Kanyon pulls Random off of Mistress and slams her with a back suplex. Goth slides into the ring and uses his weapon to lock in a rear naked choke on Andrej. Trying to assert dominance over the biggest guy in the ring and also win the match, he really pulls on the handle of his creation. Meanwhile Kanyon hauls Mistress to her feet. She begins to speak to him about his past slights but he just hits a headbutt and then a belly to belly suplex on her. On the cell of the cage, Raymond is slowly crawling away from the damaged panel and towards the drop from the ring cell to the ramp cell. Ozy stalks the champ but he pulls Esmerelda Kanyon in the way. Ozy gently pushes her aside and reaches for Kilroy but gets a thumb to the eye and a jawbreaker. Ozy spins and Kilroy gets behind him with a full nelson before running Ozy smack into the stage cage wall!
Randy: Whoa, nice reversal by the champ. He’s tenacious.
Hawke: Clearly outmatched in size, he is using every trick in his arsenal to keep his belt.
In the ring, von Grapple’s eyes begin to roll into the back of his head. Goth can feel the win coming his way … when Kanyon kicks him in the face to break the hold. ARM815H1 MK.69 rolls and kicks the weapon out of the ring inadvertently. Random is to her feet and begins to send forearm shots to the throat of Mistress Discipline. Kilroy turns to Esmerelda and tries to thank her for her lovely help … she throws her patented salsa into his face.
Kilroy Evans: GAAAAAH MY EYES! IS THAT HABAÑERO? … WHAT A GREAT BURN AND IT’S DELICIOUS!
Esmerelda quickly runs from him and puts her back to the cage wall next to the door to the ramp cage. Kilroy swings wildly before accidentally kicking Ozy in the nuts. Ozy roars in anger and clotheslines Kilroy before collapsing next to him holding his balls. In the ring, Mistress manages to shove Random off and catches her in an inside cradle as she tries to lock in an arm bar.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Random.
Random pulls her up and sets her up for the Babel Fish Argument Tiger Suplex. Mistress manages to wrap her foot on the bottom rope to prevent the lift. A back kick to the knee cap sends Random staggering away. But Kanyon barrels in with a body avalanche into the corner. Kanyon backs off. Goth charges Kanyon but he ducks and instead Goth blasts Mistress with a flying forearm. As Goth, Kanyon and Random all stare at each other with Mistress battered in the corner, they feel something … a presence.
Hawke: Oh … that doesn’t look good. Does he look different all of a sudden?
Randy: Joey I’m scared. I peed myself.
Hawke: *sigh* Still … not wearing … that was my good shoe Randy.
Indeed Andrej von Grapple is to his feet and his eyes are glazed over. A steam seems to emit from his ears. He charges in at Goth and Kanyon but both men dive aside and he avalanches Discipline in the corner. She stumbles out and he hoists her into a gorilla press and launches her over the top rope into the wall of the cell near the announcers, where it dents and cradles her body two feet off the ground. Suddenly the ring rumbles. ARM815H1 MK.69 kips up and unleashes his level 56 Britney Army General powers.
ARM815H1 MK.69: LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE!!!!
Bishy charges in at Andrej and blasts him in the face with a fist that immediately turns the nose at an awkward angle and blood spewing. They lift up Andrej and scoop slam him to the center of the ring. They climb to the top and leap off with a moonsault. … Andrej manages to HOLD the flying fox and roll to his feet and hit a World’s Strongest Slam that dents the ring. Kanyon hits the BANG … but Andre just catches the attack and hoists the former president up and runs to the ropes by the ramp and powerbombs him over the ropes and through the ramp doorway. Von Grapple whips around and nearly beheads Psychotic Goth. Vampira slides into the ring and hits a low blow but he just ignores it and howls in rage. He grabs her and Goth and choke tosses them both over the ropes to the side of the ring. Bishy is back up and hits a leaping knee to the face again. Grapple just rights his own nose with a grunt and grabs the Furminator by the throat. Bishy rains headbutts to the berserker but gets lifted up like a javelin and thrown as such over the ropes to the left of the commentators. A Fox sized hole appears in the cage as ARM815H1 goes right through like a hot knife through body butter.
Hawke: WHOA! How did he do that? That was a 300 pound fox made of metal being launched headfirst through the cage wall. There’s a four foot diameter hole in the wall!
Randy: More like FUR FOOT! HAHAHA … I’m here all night.
Everyone is down except for Andrei in the ring and Raymond standing on the cage ceiling over the ramp in horror. He takes a look down and spits on Kanyon. Kanyon shakes awake and glares at him vowing revenge. Suddenly Random comes from behind with a piggyback sleeper. She uses her knowledge of physics and math to perfectly shift her weight to drag the angry berserker back and then flips him over with a judo style throw. As he immediately pops to a hands and knees position she charges in with a Canadian Destroyer!!!
Randy: INFINITE IMPROBABILITY DRIVE!
Hawke: Uh … Andrej just sat up.
Indeed he did. Random looks at him in shock. This is chaos beyond even what she has seen. She hits a sliding dropkick to the face to put him down. He sits back up. Goth slides back into the ring and blasts Andrej with a Busaiko Knee. This holds him down … for about two seconds. Random and Goth look at each other and dive onto Andrej. Goth locks in a heel hook while Random locks in the Somebody Else’s Problem. With his left knee and both shoulders and elbows being hyper extended the Modern Day Berserker begins to grunt in pain but shows no signs of giving up. In fact he begins to fight out of the holds. On the stage Ozy is up and palms the face of Kilroy. Evans however breaks his grip and hits a stunner.
Kilroy Evans: Learned that from Donzig, now bleed for me! Make this fun!
Ozy is stunned but doesn’t fall as Evans tackles him and rains down a flurry of punches and forearm shivers. Kanyon begins to walk up the ramp to find a way to get to Raymond. James has moved to the intersection of the cages over the ramp and stage where he sees Esmerelda hiding from Kilroy and Ozymandias. ARM815H1 MK.69 is dazed and crawls out of the front row of CARnies and Beahr Buddies. They look around and see Raymond on top of the cell and decide that looks fun. They begin to climb the outside of the ring cell section. James reaches in and tugs Esmerelda’s hair. She flinches and stumbles back. Kanyon yells at Raymond he’s a dead man … when Esmerelda Kanyon bumps into Kilroy’s back. He spins around and hits her with an instinctive spinebuster! He looks down and covers his mouth in shock. Suddenly a roar is heard as Kanyon barrels into the cage through the non-existant door. He catches Kilroy and begins to bludgeon him with fists before hitting the Kanyon Cutter on the stage! He beats his chest and checks on his wife.
Randy: I can’t believe the champ sunk so low! What a bum!
Hawke: It was an accident that is going to cost him dearly.
Kanyon pulls Kilroy to his feet but Ozy stops him. Ozymandias clamps a meaty hand on the throat of Kanyon. Kanyon however stomps on his foot and drops HIM with a Kanyon Cutter. The Butcher however bounces back to his feet and stumbles to the cage wall of the stage cell … right near where James Raymond is still perched. Kanyon cackles maniacally and charges.
Hawke: HOLY SHIT!
Randy: BANG BANG BANG! Curtis has now banged the envoy of the many tentacled one!
Hawke: As you do…
Ozy and Curtis tumble through the cell wall as it tears away from the stage and they collapse down off the stage through some tables. Raymond stumbles and nearly falls from the top of the cell but grabs the wall to hold on. Kilroy sees his chance and charges through the hole and grabs the arm of Raymond. In the ring Andrej has managed to fight free of the heel hook and uses his massive strength to power to a standing base with both arms being tugged behind his back by the Rings of Saturn hold of Random. Random holds him in place as he struggles. A big boot floors the charging Goth. Andrej backs up and slams Random into the corner. She releases the hold but as he turns to attack she slings herself through the ropes to the apron letting Andrej crash and burn into the ropes. She then ducks back into the ring with a hangman’s neckbreaker. She pins.
ONE!
Kickout by Andrej!
Randy: How does he do it?
Andrej violently hurls her off of him and stalks her. Goth attacks him with a loaded boot! Andrej stumbles. Goth charges in with a roar … right into the big bear hug!
Hawke: ASBJOM’S WRATH! Goth is fading very quickly!
Randy: Yeah but Random isn’t going to let him win like this.
Indeed she attacks him with kicks to the knees. Andrej responds by Caber tossing Goth out of the ring. He crumples in a heap on the floor. Random continues to pepper the backs of his knees with strikes. She dances around his retaliation. She shoots in with a snapping dragon screw and locks in a half crab. Kilroy ends up on the cell wall following James to the top of the cage. The two are now trading strikes. Elbows and kicks from James, fists and fists from Kilroy. Kilroy grabs the skull of James and tries to throw him off the edge, but Raymond wraps his legs on Kilroy and dangles over the side before doing a situp and sweeping the legs. Andrej is dragging Random to the ropes to use them to pull himself vertical. She releases the hold and leaps up for a poisonrana. However Andrej clamps his meat hooks on her legs and holds her in place. She sits up into an electric chair position only to get thrown forward with a reverse Alabama slam. He then grabs her by the tights and launches her out of the ring. He turns around to bellow … and spies Ozymandias making his way down the side of the ramp outside the cage. Ozy moves with purpose towards the hole left from von Grapple lawn darting ARM815H1 MK.69. The Furminator has made it to the top of the cage and stops to gather their thoughts. They look around the ring at the danger below. Raymond beelines it away from Kilroy as he watches Kanyon climb the side of the ramp cell. James runs right into ARM815H1 who bitch slaps him.
ARM815H1 MK.69: oWo looks like someone wants to BANG your insides!
Randy: … I mean they aren’t wrong …
Hawke: Kanyon is making this event sound raunchier than it is.
Randy: … Which is saying something with the sex bot up there.
Bishy picks up Raymond who explodes with an enzuigiri that nearly rearranges the fox’s ears. Kanyon is now barreling down the roof of the ramp cage to get to the ring cage. Raymond thinks quick and does a standing switch and shoves the Furminator to Kanyon who tries to BANG the robot only to get caught in a guillotine, which is quickly transitioned into a standing headscissors. Rather than immediately lift him up for the powerbomb, ARM815H1 MK.69 pistons his body again, casually lightning humping the former president.
ARM815H1 MK.69: I can BANG too!
Randy: … what is the censor budget for this episode?
Hawke: Why do you think we’ve been sneakily cutting all the alcohol drinking shots since about five minutes into this match?
Randy: WHAT? *he pulls up a fla-*
Back to the action, Andrej is taunting to Ozy to hurry. Ozymandias is still limping from the fall from the stage. Von Grapple looks out at the two broken bodies outside the ring … and at the big empty dent from earlier. Wait … empty? He spins too late and is absolutely annihilated by a bicycle knee strike.
Randy: FINAL BELL!
Hawke: She had something on her knee pads!
Indeed Mistress Discipline is back and has knocked the Berserker to his knees, his face is a crimson mask as she pulls the heel of a stiletto shoe off her knee pad. The busty blonde behind the announce desk laughs … and struggles to stand on one stiletto. Suddenly there is a rustle in the crowd. Off to the left side of the ring if you were standing at the announce desk, the fans are being cleared out. There in the crowd is Mister Discipline himself, XHF Legend Death Trap. He is moving all the chairs out of the way and signaling for something. In comes Funaki dragging a big wooden board. It appears to be the barbed wire covered board with explosives on it from SCCW’s landmine death matches!
Randy: How did DT get that hardware and what is he doing with it?
Hawke: Goddamnit Ronnie! Lock the equipment cabinet. I wonder how Aleister is going to handle this.
Kanyon manages to back body drop ARM815H1 and escape his predicament. The robot uses his grip to hang on and dangle over the edge. Suddenly Kanyon is chop blocked from behind by James Raymond. Raymond stomps on the knees of Kanyon. In the ring, Mistress is laying fists to the stab wound in the head of the berserker. He shoves her away and charges for the clothesline, but she ducks it. He whips around with a big boot but it is caught! A quick pull and Andrej eats that echoing slap that is heard as far away as Iowa. This … simply enrages him. He locks in a bear hug! Discipline gets her left arm free and sends a thrust to the throat of the Viking warrior. He drops her and coughs. She immediately hooks him for the flatliner and rolls her legs back to lock in the signature koji clutch!
Hawke: DETENTION! SHE’S GOT HIM LOCKED IN THAT SUBMISSION FINISH AND NOBODY IS IN THE RING TO STOP IT!
Randy: I mean there’s two bodies outside the ring. But Random and Goth both seem out of it.
Ozymandias now picks up the pace and hobbles through the opening in the cell. Andrej violently struggles and nearly rolls out of the hold a few times. On the ceiling of the cage, Kanyon kicks out the legs of Raymond and rolls to his feet. He looks for the Kanyon Cutter on the rise, but Raymond pops his hands up and catches the sleeper. Kanyon ducks behind allowing the hold to transition into a side headlock but then hoists Raymond for a hammerlock back suplex. James manages to flip and land on his feet and hit the Calamity Kick 1! Kanyon stumbles and drops to 1 knee. Bishy manages to pull himself up and onto the cage. Raymond hits him with a standing moonsault and rises to his feet on the edge of the cage. The Furminator rises to his hands and knees. Down below, DT and Funaki put the empty steel chairs back onto the board of barbed wire and mines. Bishy is about to eat another Calamity Kick 2 but he activates his level 99 Furminator power of “Invincible”. He dodges the kick and shoves Raymond. James teeters about to fall but manages to balance. But his attacker never follows as Kilroy comes charging in with a spear, taking the metal menace off his feet and planting him on the cage. James laughs … until he hears, “FOR STEEEEEEEEVE!” and BAAAAAAANG!
Randy: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEY’RE DEAD!
Hawke: Kanyon just banged James Raymond off the top of the cell so hard they flew into the stands and landed on all those chairs and the barbed wire that DT set up-
~KABOOOOOOOOOOM!~
Randy: OH SHIT!
Hawke: And the SCCW budget just got blown by their hall of famer. We need medics out here for Kanyon and Raymond.
Kanyon and Raymond lie in a pile of exploded debris, wood and metal and wire everywhere. Kanyon has a sick smile on his unconscious face. Raymond just looks mangled. The explosion temporarily distracts everyone allowing Andrej to power Discipline into the air and drop her to the mat with a slam breaking the hold. They both lie in the ring breathing heavily. On the ceiling Kilroy is trying to choke the robot. This should have no effect but the eye LEDs on the robot say it IS having an effect and this means Kilroy keeps going. Unfortunately ARM815H1 MK.69 seems to be getting off on this …
ARM815H1 MK.69: Harder daddy!
Kilroy Evans: Bitch, I ain’t your daddy! But OK!
He chokes harder … somehow … on the metal windpipe. Ozymandias slides into the ring and measures his challengers. He looks to finish off the smaller foe but as he lifts Mistress by her hair, he hears a rumble and Andrej kips up. He is breathing heavy and bleeding from the head. Ozy charges him with a huge lariat! Von Grapple hits the mat! Ozy roars! He pins.
ONE!
TWO!
Andrej powers out with authority. Ozy just looks at him stunned, then up to Sophia Vasquez.
Randy: What IS this man?
Hawke: Impossible to keep down.
Andrej breathes heavily … He rolls to his feet. Ozy grapples him and forces him into a standing headscissor. He hoists him up! POWERBOMB! He holds on. He struggles to lift him … POWERBOMB! He tries for a third but Andrej’s eyes pop open and he pulls Ozy into a triangle choke! Ozy flails. He is saved for the moment by Mistress Discipline who kicks the berserker in the spine!
Mistress Discipline: I am QUITE tired of you!
She pulls Andrej back to the corner. She looks to set him up for her own powerbomb but Andrej comes to life and almost throws her onto the top rope. His eyes are red and bloodshot. His face is completely blood soaked. He steps back and charges the librarian. But she punts him in the chin as he gets close! She pulls him up to the second rope and then leaps off with the sit-our powerbomb that puts Andrej THROUGH the ring into a crater!
Randy: EXPULSION! She’s gonna win it! Andrej is down!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-Ozymandias pulls her off the cover.
Hawke: So close. Sophia was at 2.75! She just slammed a 300 pound man from the second rope through the ring.
Ozy wastes no time hitting Mistress Discipline with a short arm lariat. Taking a cue from his tag team partner who has twice defeated her this way. He pins!
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Mistress.
On the roof, Kilroy sees the peril his title is in and pulls the robot to its feet! He hits a scoop slam onto the roof of the cell. The Furminator kips up. Kilroy just laughs and beckons him to bring it. A charge is turned into a tilt-o-whirl back breaker! Kilroy drags ARM815H1 to the opening in the cell where the lightning damaged it. Bishy manages to grab the champ and hit a savage headbutt followed by a Steel Face Spank (running shotei). Kilroy lands with his chest and face over the hole in the cell. Bishy reaches in and grabs the dangling piece of steel and swings it up slamming it into the face of Kilroy three times before it snaps off and Bishy accidentally throws it into the air above them. It crashes to the roof and smooshes both Bishy and Kilroy.
Hawke: Ow.
In the ring Ozymandias is bludgeoning the former tag champ with fists until she springs the trap and pulls him into the gogoplata! Ozy struggles to get free. He grunts and tries to lift her but she is holding herself down. Bishy tosses the cage piece away and stands up. He stumbles back away from the hole … Kilroy begins to stand … Bishy charges! He gets caught by Kilroy with a cutter leaping through the hole and into the ring!!!!
Randy: HOLY SHIT! THE BAD TOUCH OFF THE CELL INTO THE RING!
Kilroy crawls onto A= ARM815H1 MK.69.
ONE!
TWO!
Mistress Discipline releases the hold and Ozymandias stumbles back into the pin breaking it up.
Ozy lifts Kilroy up and hits him with a massive lariat. He turns around. FINAL BELL! She hooks him for the Expulsion! Up … and …. DOWN! She pins!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-NO!
At the LAST POSSIBLE NANOSECOND, Ozymandias rolls the shoulder. Mistress can’t believe it. She rolls onto Kilroy.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-he kicks out.
She crawls to Armbishi-bot but he manages to slowly roll away and climb to his feet.
ARM815H1 MK.69: Processing … Processing … pain … wait … you are not Brittney Beahr. Are you even a furry???
Mistress Discipline: … If I said yes … would you let me win?
ARM815H1 MK.69: Error error error.
Armbishi grasps her by the throat … when he feels a plink … and a dart hits his butt then falls to the ground … since he’s made of metal. In the crowd Dr. Chaos is shown behind the announce desk aiming her tranq rifle.
Randy: He’s … a robot. I’m drunk and I knew that wouldn’t work.
Hawke: Credit for trying to help.
Bishy sets her up for the Interstellar Road Head … but Kilroy takes out his legs with a double chop block. From nowhere Random McConalogue reaches in from the outside and yanks the robot out of the ring. She whips him into the steel wall of the cell. On the rebound she hits him with that poisonrana!
Hawke: Hyperspace Bypass on the outside!
Random takes a moment to study the robot … she reaches into the chassis and pulls one wire … and Bishy goes limp on the floor.
ARM815H1 MK.69: Not cool! I needed those wires for my motor servos! Now how will we yif later?
Random shudders at that and backs up right into a rear naked choke from Psychotic Goth! In the ring, Kilroy has begun to trade heavy punches with Ozy. They both just slug each other, blood splattering with each blow. Mistress rises next to them and slams their heads together before hitting a German suplex on Ozy. She then hits the Final Bell onto Kilroy! Meanwhile Random has passed out in the hold and Goth drops her to the floor. He slides into the ring as Mistress pins.
One!
Two!
THREE-No! Kilroy somehow rolls the shoulder.
Hawke: This is insane. Who will walk out with the title?!
Randy: Whoever it is will likely be on a gurney. Or in a pine box.
Goth sneaks up behind the rising Ozymandias and looks for the Goth Torture Rack! But Ozy manages to slide down the back and headbutt him. Ozy turns and Goth levels him with a high spinning heel kick to the nose. Kilroy meanwhile has drawn in Mistress with the trap and hit the DDT and follows it with a baseball slide to the head. He pins.
ONE!
TWO!
Discipline kicks out.
Goth pins.
One!
Two!
Ozy kicks out!
Both men snap their fingers in disappointment… before locking eyes. They both smirk. They rise and charge each other. They trade punches left and right. Kilroy shoots a takedown and tries to lock in a Boston Crab but Goth kicks him away. He rises to his feet and charges in. Only to be intercepted by Ozymandias with a huge Bossman Slam. Meanwhile Kilroy gets his knees kicked from behind. Discipline grabs him. Ozy hooks the suplex position on Goth. Mistress sets up the powerbomb on Kilroy. Both men struggle but both get hoisted up!
Randy:SINKING FAITH!
Hawke:EXPULSION! Both are pinning at the same time!
Sophia Vasquez drops to the mat in between and counts with both hands.
ONE! ONE!
TWO! TWO!
THREE! THREE-NO!
Hawke: HOLY SHIT! Kilroy somehow managed to kick out. Mistress is in shock sitting on the mat as the bell is being called for!
Randy: Ozymandias has done it! He somehow managed to keep Goth down but Kilroy just refuses to give up ever and Mistress gets shafted out of her first X*Crown.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Kilroy Evans kicked out of the double pin but Psychotic Goth did not. Therefore your winner … and … NEW XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION … from Sin City Championship Wrestling … THE BUTCHER OF REINE … OZYMANDIAS!!!
Ozy rises to his feet as Mistress just holds the legs of Kilroy in disbelief. She watches him ignore her and walk to the middle of the ring. Sophia Vasquez hands Ozy the title and he lifts it high. “In Maidjan” by Heilung hits the speakers. Mistress shoves Kilroy aside and just stares out at the wreckage around her. Ozy walks to the ropes and as he steps through glares at Death Trap as he slides into the ring. DT just stares back with a look that could kill. He crawls over to Mistress and embraces her telling her it should have been hers. She is the rightful champ. As he was too. Ozy can be heard laughing as he walks up the ramp.
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen, this has been an insane event and we apologize for the postponement to this later date.
Randy: Sometimes events dictate these changes. But this has been an amazing show. We have a new TAPOUT champion and a new X*Crown champion! Stay tuned for an announcement from XHF brass about a show coming up at the end of February to honor the fallen.
Hawke: But until next time, for Supremacy, and the XHF Network. That is Randy Angel, I’m Joey Hawke, and we’ll see you at the Rumble!
CREDITS AND THANKS
Intro - Dave D-Flipz
Three-Way with Eli Dresden - Donzig (Match) and Kira (Commentary)
Extreme Tag Match - Donzig (Match) and Mongo (Commentary)
Space Pod Match - Jack Diamond
Tag Title Match - Marty Donovan
Texas Death Match - Bailey
Main Event - Dave D-Flipz
Graphics - Kris
Coding - Dave, Mongo, Marty, Jack, Bailey
Intro - Dave D-Flipz
Three-Way with Eli Dresden - Donzig (Match) and Kira (Commentary)
Extreme Tag Match - Donzig (Match) and Mongo (Commentary)
Space Pod Match - Jack Diamond
Tag Title Match - Marty Donovan
Texas Death Match - Bailey
Main Event - Dave D-Flipz
Graphics - Kris
Coding - Dave, Mongo, Marty, Jack, Bailey