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Feb 18, 2024 23:49:43 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by Visit Neom on Feb 18, 2024 23:49:43 GMT -5
Celebration, Florida
The Shot opens on Marty Donovan and Ollie Oldham snuggling on the couch. Netflix's Love is Blind plays on TV. Olivia watches in excitement as Marty looks ready for the sweet embrace of death.
The Shot opens on Marty Donovan and Ollie Oldham snuggling on the couch. Netflix's Love is Blind plays on TV. Olivia watches in excitement as Marty looks ready for the sweet embrace of death.
OLLIE:
I can't believe Kenneth is already a principal at 25 years old!
I can't believe Kenneth is already a principal at 25 years old!
MARTY:
Ollie Dollie, I think you misunderstood me earlier. I didn't repeatedly suggest that we put on the NBA All-Star Game for selfish reasons. Rather, that was to secure our family's financial future.
Ollie Dollie, I think you misunderstood me earlier. I didn't repeatedly suggest that we put on the NBA All-Star Game for selfish reasons. Rather, that was to secure our family's financial future.
OLLIE:
Martin, you promised me you'd stop with the parlay bets.
Martin, you promised me you'd stop with the parlay bets.
MARTY:
And you have no evidence to the contrary. I was actually referring to Bob Iger. Surely he’s going to call soon and apologize for firing me. We can't risk him hearing a competing streaming service in the background.
OLLIE:
Babe, I don't think that he will…
Marty's cell phone starts to ring. He thrashes around the couch in a panic.
Babe, I don't think that he will…
Marty's cell phone starts to ring. He thrashes around the couch in a panic.
MARTY:
Unknown number! It must be him!
Unknown number! It must be him!
OLLIE:
Relax, I'll put on Disney Plus.
Relax, I'll put on Disney Plus.
MARTY:
Dammit woman, there is no time! Just sing something from The Princess Frog!
Olivia begins to hum "Almost There" as Marty scrambles to put the call on speaker phone.
Dammit woman, there is no time! Just sing something from The Princess Frog!
Olivia begins to hum "Almost There" as Marty scrambles to put the call on speaker phone.
MARTY:
Hello?
Hello?
BOB:
Hi, is this Marty Donovan?
Hi, is this Marty Donovan?
MARTY:
It is!
It is!
BOB:
Hi Marty, this is Bob…
Marty does a fist pump triumphantly.
Hi Marty, this is Bob…
Marty does a fist pump triumphantly.
BOB:
..at your local Publix.
Marty tosses the phone across the living room in frustration. Olivia stops humming.
..at your local Publix.
Marty tosses the phone across the living room in frustration. Olivia stops humming.
BOB:
I'm afraid we need you to come pick up your son.
I'm afraid we need you to come pick up your son.
MARTY:
I don't have a son.
I don't have a son.
BOB:
Well there is a young man here in a ridiculous costume that says you're his father.
Marty sits up excited.
Well there is a young man here in a ridiculous costume that says you're his father.
Marty sits up excited.
MARTY:
Timothée Chalamet!?!
Timothée Chalamet!?!
OLLIE:
I think they mean Tinto.
Marty lays back down frustrated.
I think they mean Tinto.
Marty lays back down frustrated.
BOB:
The boy won't tell us his real name ,but he's been causing lots of trouble. I caught him chasing customers around the specialty cheese section in a Power Wheels truck.
Bob yells as the phone is wrestled from his hand.
The boy won't tell us his real name ,but he's been causing lots of trouble. I caught him chasing customers around the specialty cheese section in a Power Wheels truck.
Bob yells as the phone is wrestled from his hand.
TINTO:
You think the provolone is your ally? You merely adopted the deli. I was born in it, molded by cheddar cheese. I did not see the bakery until I was already a man…
You think the provolone is your ally? You merely adopted the deli. I was born in it, molded by cheddar cheese. I did not see the bakery until I was already a man…
MARTY:
Tinto, you're not even in third grade yet!
Tinto, you're not even in third grade yet!
TINTO:
School is for the lactose intolerant. Soon I will be the junior heavyweight champion of the world!
Bob wrestles the phone back.
School is for the lactose intolerant. Soon I will be the junior heavyweight champion of the world!
Bob wrestles the phone back.
BOB:
Look, will you just come pick him up already?
Look, will you just come pick him up already?
MARTY:
You guys are going to reimburse me the gas money, right?
You guys are going to reimburse me the gas money, right?
BOB:
What? No!
What? No!
MARTY:
I'm sorry. Is there an Offspring song playing? Apparently you think I'm running a fucking Crazy Taxi here.
Olivia punches Marty in the arm.
I'm sorry. Is there an Offspring song playing? Apparently you think I'm running a fucking Crazy Taxi here.
Olivia punches Marty in the arm.
MARTY:
Fine, I'm on my way. Can this be a curbside order though? I don't feel like getting out of the car.
Fine, I'm on my way. Can this be a curbside order though? I don't feel like getting out of the car.
TINTO:
I will face any opponent: man, woman, dog, quarren, or Velocity veteran. It matters not. They will all soon lie face down in a pool of blood and queseo. The cheese stands alone!
I will face any opponent: man, woman, dog, quarren, or Velocity veteran. It matters not. They will all soon lie face down in a pool of blood and queseo. The cheese stands alone!
BOB:
Hurry! He's making a run for the meat slicer!
The phone call goes dead.
Hurry! He's making a run for the meat slicer!
The phone call goes dead.
OLLIE:
We needed to get more dryer sheets anyway.
The shot fades out as Marty sighs and grabs his keys.
We needed to get more dryer sheets anyway.
The shot fades out as Marty sighs and grabs his keys.