A Cunning Plan [Epcot Mafia 01]
Feb 24, 2024 14:48:53 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604, Old Line Jeff, and 3 more like this
Post by flo on Feb 24, 2024 14:48:53 GMT -5
Small children argue over whether the seventh dwarf's name is Skeezy...
This looks like a job for Disney's Marty Donovan!
No sooner does the WUK Tag Team champion run up to offer the tots some valuable animated trivia - than he stops himself. That was a lifetime ago. Sighing, Marty lets the Skeezy debate continue, instead dragging his feet as he shuffles down a residential street, looking like a truly beaten man. Only one thing could coax Marty away from Silly Symphony themed thoughts of permanent self-harm...
"It's a small world" chimes out of a stretch limousine. That is a VERY specific car horn! Maybe Bob Iger is giving him his job back? A spring in his step, Marty practically skips over to the luxury vehicle as a window rolls down.
Marty Donovan:
Things were said, Bob, but my Doctor assures me it was because of my blood sug- YOU.
Florida Man smiles from behind the wheel.
Marty Donovan:
How did YOU get the company car?
Florida Man:
My dog is the new Disney mascot. Can you believe it?
Marty Donovan:
What in the actual Fu-
SMASH CUT!
When the title card STAR WIPES out, we find the WUK tag team champions in a fancy restaurant that looks like it came out of The Great Gatsby. Rather than check out the private petting zoo of endangered animals, our protagonists are at the bar. Here Florida Man is trying to tell Marty his latest get rich quick scheme, while Donovan downs whisky like he's no longer a mascot for children's properties.
Florida Man:
I'm telling you, Marty. We just need to get more pets with jobs, and the money will come rolling in! I can't believe we've been working like suckers when we could have just swung by the pound-
Giving his partner an evil eye, Marty tries to drink away whatever braincells will remember this indignity.
Florida Man:
I get you pal, all you want to do is wrestle in War Games matches, week after week in a cage. But the promotors tell you "NO! How many War Games do you want to appear in a year? It's not feasible! You're killing the territory." So you need to run your own federation that isn't worried about exhausting the gimmick. Only that costs serious dough. How are you gonna fund your own fed?
Marty Donovan:
Actually I have-
Whoa. How drunk is he? Marty Donovan actually puts his hand over his mouth to stop the secret escaping. See Marty Donovan actually does have his own promotion - Hardkore Florida - and he's done a very good job of keeping Flo from learning about it.
Florida Man:
What?
Marty Donovan:
Never mind.
Florida Man:
Were you gonna say something about Blue Lives Matter? 'cause you know how horny Rage and Cage are for cops.
Rather than engage, Marty chooses silence - which involves another whisky.
Florida Man:
..........I do have one other way to make it rich. Seems our good friends the Dark Stars have come across a gambling parlour that actually takes bets on professional wrestling.
Shocked, the shot glass slips from Marty's hand shattering on the ground.
Marty Donovan:
..........Jesus Christ.
Florida Man (nodding):
Apparently they are taking action on the tag titles-
Marty Donovan (whisky spit take):
No.
Florida Man (sinister smile, which is how his mask always looks):
YES. And you'll never guess who are odds on favourites...
Marty Donovan:
Clearly US.
Florida Man:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The two men share a knowing glance before blurting it out in unison.
The Epcot Mafia:
WE BET OUR LIFE SAVINGS ON THE DARK STARS THEN TAKE A DIVE TO BECOME GAZILLIONAIRES!
....there was a time when being a champion held a certain amount of integrity. Already plotting dropping their honour for a quick payday, the devious Floridians shake hands on their nefarious plot.
Marty Donovan:
This is too good to be true. Forget Disney, with those odds, I'll win enough to BUY Disney!
Florida Man:
I can see it now- War Games 7 days a week!
Ugh. Marty really hates steel cages.
Marty Donovan:
Hold on-
Florida Man:
Now we only have one problem-
Marty Donovan:
Rage and Cage stealing it?
Florida Man (holds his side laughing):
Good one pal - nah, I just need to find the gambling parlour that will take the action. Knowing the Dark Stars, it could be in the distant future... or on another planet.
Disheartened, Marty returns to his whisky.
"I thought they took your security pass?"
Disney CEO Bob Iger approaches the bar. Another humiliation! Grabbing the gator by the collar to maintain balance, an irate drunk demands answers.
Marty Donovan:
I thought this was the four seasons. Where are we?
Florida Man:
The Disney Executive Washroom.
Marty Donovan (looking around the five star digs):
They never gave me a key to this-
Bob Igers:
Only the best toilets to drink out of for our ACE.
A stall door opens. The HKW Florida champion, who just happens to be the new Disney spokesperson, wags its tail when seeing Donovan.
ACE:
Woof!
Donovan shakes with anger. Could this get any worse?
Bob Igers:
Speaking of drinking - are you getting loaded in the washroom, Marty?
The Disney CEO shakes his head in disappointment. What did they ever see in young Donovan?
STAR WIPE! ...To Marty puking his guts out.
Florida Man (holding Marty's hair like that will help keep vomit out of it, while cutting a promo):
Rage and Cage - you could walk out the winners, but the payout on you guys isn't worth our time-
Marty Donovan:
Uuuuuuuuuuh-
Florida Man:
Cheer up Marty, we'll have you in a cage in no time-
Marty Donovan:
You don't understand.... you know how much of my brain is dedicated to Disney trivia?
Florida Man:
So wait, you wanna forget stuff?
Marty Donovan:
OF COURSE!
Florida Man:
Marty... why didn't you come to me sooner?
SMASH CUT!
This looks like a job for Disney's Marty Donovan!
No sooner does the WUK Tag Team champion run up to offer the tots some valuable animated trivia - than he stops himself. That was a lifetime ago. Sighing, Marty lets the Skeezy debate continue, instead dragging his feet as he shuffles down a residential street, looking like a truly beaten man. Only one thing could coax Marty away from Silly Symphony themed thoughts of permanent self-harm...
"It's a small world" chimes out of a stretch limousine. That is a VERY specific car horn! Maybe Bob Iger is giving him his job back? A spring in his step, Marty practically skips over to the luxury vehicle as a window rolls down.
Marty Donovan:
Things were said, Bob, but my Doctor assures me it was because of my blood sug- YOU.
Florida Man smiles from behind the wheel.
Marty Donovan:
How did YOU get the company car?
Florida Man:
My dog is the new Disney mascot. Can you believe it?
Marty Donovan:
What in the actual Fu-
SMASH CUT!
THE EPCOT MAFIA
IN
AGAINST THE ODDS
When the title card STAR WIPES out, we find the WUK tag team champions in a fancy restaurant that looks like it came out of The Great Gatsby. Rather than check out the private petting zoo of endangered animals, our protagonists are at the bar. Here Florida Man is trying to tell Marty his latest get rich quick scheme, while Donovan downs whisky like he's no longer a mascot for children's properties.
Florida Man:
I'm telling you, Marty. We just need to get more pets with jobs, and the money will come rolling in! I can't believe we've been working like suckers when we could have just swung by the pound-
Giving his partner an evil eye, Marty tries to drink away whatever braincells will remember this indignity.
Florida Man:
I get you pal, all you want to do is wrestle in War Games matches, week after week in a cage. But the promotors tell you "NO! How many War Games do you want to appear in a year? It's not feasible! You're killing the territory." So you need to run your own federation that isn't worried about exhausting the gimmick. Only that costs serious dough. How are you gonna fund your own fed?
Marty Donovan:
Actually I have-
Whoa. How drunk is he? Marty Donovan actually puts his hand over his mouth to stop the secret escaping. See Marty Donovan actually does have his own promotion - Hardkore Florida - and he's done a very good job of keeping Flo from learning about it.
Florida Man:
What?
Marty Donovan:
Never mind.
Florida Man:
Were you gonna say something about Blue Lives Matter? 'cause you know how horny Rage and Cage are for cops.
Rather than engage, Marty chooses silence - which involves another whisky.
Florida Man:
..........I do have one other way to make it rich. Seems our good friends the Dark Stars have come across a gambling parlour that actually takes bets on professional wrestling.
Shocked, the shot glass slips from Marty's hand shattering on the ground.
Marty Donovan:
..........Jesus Christ.
Florida Man (nodding):
Apparently they are taking action on the tag titles-
Marty Donovan (whisky spit take):
No.
Florida Man (sinister smile, which is how his mask always looks):
YES. And you'll never guess who are odds on favourites...
Marty Donovan:
Clearly US.
Florida Man:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The two men share a knowing glance before blurting it out in unison.
The Epcot Mafia:
WE BET OUR LIFE SAVINGS ON THE DARK STARS THEN TAKE A DIVE TO BECOME GAZILLIONAIRES!
....there was a time when being a champion held a certain amount of integrity. Already plotting dropping their honour for a quick payday, the devious Floridians shake hands on their nefarious plot.
Marty Donovan:
This is too good to be true. Forget Disney, with those odds, I'll win enough to BUY Disney!
Florida Man:
I can see it now- War Games 7 days a week!
Ugh. Marty really hates steel cages.
Marty Donovan:
Hold on-
Florida Man:
Now we only have one problem-
Marty Donovan:
Rage and Cage stealing it?
Florida Man (holds his side laughing):
Good one pal - nah, I just need to find the gambling parlour that will take the action. Knowing the Dark Stars, it could be in the distant future... or on another planet.
Disheartened, Marty returns to his whisky.
"I thought they took your security pass?"
Disney CEO Bob Iger approaches the bar. Another humiliation! Grabbing the gator by the collar to maintain balance, an irate drunk demands answers.
Marty Donovan:
I thought this was the four seasons. Where are we?
Florida Man:
The Disney Executive Washroom.
Marty Donovan (looking around the five star digs):
They never gave me a key to this-
Bob Igers:
Only the best toilets to drink out of for our ACE.
A stall door opens. The HKW Florida champion, who just happens to be the new Disney spokesperson, wags its tail when seeing Donovan.
ACE:
Woof!
Donovan shakes with anger. Could this get any worse?
Bob Igers:
Speaking of drinking - are you getting loaded in the washroom, Marty?
The Disney CEO shakes his head in disappointment. What did they ever see in young Donovan?
STAR WIPE! ...To Marty puking his guts out.
Florida Man (holding Marty's hair like that will help keep vomit out of it, while cutting a promo):
Rage and Cage - you could walk out the winners, but the payout on you guys isn't worth our time-
Marty Donovan:
Uuuuuuuuuuh-
Florida Man:
Cheer up Marty, we'll have you in a cage in no time-
Marty Donovan:
You don't understand.... you know how much of my brain is dedicated to Disney trivia?
Florida Man:
So wait, you wanna forget stuff?
Marty Donovan:
OF COURSE!
Florida Man:
Marty... why didn't you come to me sooner?
SMASH CUT!
THE EPCOT MAFIA
IN
SNIFFING MODEL GLUE