Post by flo on Feb 24, 2024 20:59:28 GMT -5
A pawn shop.
The old man behind the cage examines the XHF Hardcore championship with a magnifying glass. A reactive agent sizzles against the metal. An eyebrow is raised. The proprietor runs a cloth across the gold platting, removing the agent and checking the lustre - before running a piece of glass across the inlaid diamonds. Squinting at the glass, the pawn broker shakes his head, then holds the uncut piece up to the seller. If Florida Man was surprised by the results, his mask doesn't betray it.
Pawn Broker:
"(If they were ever genuine, the stones have been swapped out...)"
Florida Man (shaking head with a sardonic chuckle):
He would get the last laugh. ...just Awesome.
Pawn Broker:
"(In its current state... I couldn't go higher than 2.)"
Florida Man (happy to get it):
SOL-
Before scaly hands can force a handshake and commit to this sale, Eri Sano jumps between the two.
Eri Sano:
"(FLORIDA MAN!)"
The gator that almost walks like a man - just not a particularly good example of either species - clutches his chest like he had been startled into a heart attack. Unfortunately for CJ, it was only a mild heart attack. Along with Sano comes a J-RoK videographer - and finding himself on camera, the pawn broker seems vexed.
Pawn Broker:
"(We don't buy hot merchandise here!)"
Florida Man:
But I'm the rightful owner-
The belt is tossed back into the gator's face. As the store owner produces a gun, the videographer and Sano flee towards the exit - essentially corralling FML through the front door with them, which slams shut before he can protest. The neon open sign cuts out before Florida Man can even force his way back in.
Eri Sano:
"(That was exciting.)"
Kenji Kaiba (videographer):
"(We were so brave.)"
Eri Sano
"(Yes. I am proud of how we handled that.)"
Something might be lost in translation. Florida Man would roll his eyes, but that feature on his mask would have cost an additional fifty bucks. Exhaling sharply through his fake nostrils to indicate displeasure, the Man from Florida carefully collects his XHF branded championship.
Florida Man:
Yeah, thanks a lot guys.
Kenji Kaiba (oblivious to sarcasm):
"(You are most welcome, Florida-san!)"
The gator shakes his head in frustration. Sano catches on.
Eri Sano:
"(Were you trying to sell... oh... OH. You need money? Don't worry Florida Man! That is why we came to find you, GOOD NEWS.)"
Florida Man:
Kira got flesh eating disease...... in his scrotum?
Eri Sano:
"(Even better! Nausicaä has reviewed the footage from Raison D'Etre - and decided that you didn't lose. What a visionary leader! So you are once again employed by J-RoK and can earn an honest living through wrestling, rather than sell Network property to feed your addiction.)"
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Hurray!)"
Eri Sano
"(As you Floridians say)" All. Well. End. Well.
The overly enthusiastic cameraman gives this suspect attempt at English a big thumbs up.
Florida Man:
....
Less enthusiastic is Demon No. 1.
Florida Man:
.................so does that mean that I'm also in the Hall of Fame with Sky Force?
Eri Sano:
"(Oh, she didn't say.)"
Florida Man:
.......an honest oversight. I mean, sure, her stable made it into the Hall of Fame while she was in charge of the company... but how could Naus be expected to remember the two years she was injured, and I was keeping their names mentioned on every broadcast.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Perhaps they only induced the original members?)"
Eri Sano:
"(Yes. That must be it. Like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they don't let in every fifth Beatle, just the main four.)"
The alleyway outside the pawnshop seems to be getting darker, which reflects the gator's mood.
Florida Man:
......that doesn't explain Tabby Scratch.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Who?)"
Florida Man:
Tabby. Scratch. A random cat crazy whose appearances can be counted on one claw, yet somehow exists in J-RoK's Hall of Fame as part of Sky Force...
Eri Sano:
"(Er...)"
Florida Man:
Charles is so lazy that some dirt sheets claim he's a stuffed toy. You think Charles pinned Chris Sanderson by himself? Or is it FAR more likely that the LEADER of Sky Force placed that cat on Sanderson? Yeah, Sky Force doesn't mind me getting them global gold - but when it comes time to celebrate the history of the group, I guess I'm not a generic enough random female for their liking? -But hey, I'm getting hot for nothing, Nausicaä didn't draft the list of Sky Force inductees.... that'd fall on J-RoK management... OH WAIT!
The happy interview duo seem decidedly less happy to be there.
Florida Man:
I'm not good enough to be in Nausicaä's group, but she does want me in her federation? Thanks but NO THANKS. I was in a loser leaves town match - and according to me, I lost. I don't mind saying that Kira Izumi was the better man (gags) - if it means the end of my incarceration in J-RoK. Nausicaä might be happy to screw the fans and call it a no contest... but yo boi don't play that game. Bait and switch? Nah! Me and Kira both agreed to that stipulation. If neither of us got the win, then BOTH OF US SHOULD GO! So if J-RoK is saying that Kira Izumi still works here, I must be gone. Simple as that. It is one way or the other.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(I would like it to be both.)"
Eri Sano:
"(Me too. I think all the fans would like to see you and Kira fight again.)"
Florida Man:
I'm not one to disappoint the fans... but Nausicaä suddenly offering me the olive branch... then rubbing my face in Tabby Scratch? Too little. WAY TOO LATE. So contract wise? Good luck making that stand-up. I got my pink slip in a safe deposit box. ONLY REASON WE'RE STILL TALKING IS BECAUSE I'M THE XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION. As long as I hold this championship, Nausicaä has the ability to maim me. No matter what match she books, I'm a stand-up guy, and a fighting champion - I'll deliver. Minute I drop the belt? Y'all can look for me in Network affiliates that recognized my talent back when Izumi was refusing to book me.
Eri Sano:
"(Oh No!)"
Kenji Kaiba:
"(My world is rocked...)"
Florida Man:
I like J-RoK's fans almost as much as I hate the companies talent. So the Hardcore championship gives me a chance to get revenge on talent, that didn't treat me especially well while Kira had my claws tied. I'm looking forward to that. The catch? THEY HAVE TO ASK FOR IT. Last time I had Hayley in the ring, I was shoving her into a garbage can. If that trash thinks she can pick herself up? Sign the contract. Charles thinks he put himself on Sanderson? PROVE IT, put your name on the dotted line. Harding didn't appreciate me kicking him in the face? He knows where to find me.
Eri Sano:
"(Yes, you seemed to align with Raymond and The End at Raison D'Etre-)"
Florida Man:
What can I say? Winners recognize winners. James Raymond is the only talent in J-RoK that I respect. He's already the greatest Visual Kei champion, but if I need to brain some folks to make that official, I will-
Eri Sano:
"(Wow, the fighting spirit that you and James share is electrifying. When did this start?)"
Florida Man:
James booked me for his Blood Sport. He's batting one hundred! Unlike Kira and Nausicaä, James did right by me. So while I'm loitering around Japan with this here strap, look for me to have Raymond's back. We'll show Sky Force what a real group looks like. Y'all better recognize that I am DANGEROUS and unchained. The scrap of paper y'all need to sign to get your asses kicked? The blank spaces are proof of your cowardice. And I can hear y'all bitching "I would sign up to embarrass you, but you'll probably lose the belt before I get a chance" .......with the kind of names they're feeding this here gator? I gots a feeling I'm going to be enjoying J-RoK's company for a LOOOOOONG time.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Excellent. We look forward to your lengthy reign!)"
Eri Sano:
"(Your enthusiasm is appreciated, Florida Man - but how can you be certain you'll retain?)"
The Sunshine State Stud leans into a close-up.
Florida Man:
Get it straight, I want someone to pin me. To free me. To take the hardcore title from my claws before I find a pawn shop with less discriminating taste... a talent that can put me down. Run me out of J-RoK. In short, I need a miracle. ...I asked for an angel, and y'all gave me... CJ WALKER.
The disappointment is real.
Even the perpetually upbeat J-RoK interview squad are at a loss for words. So the scene ends with Florida Man's mic drop about what a garbage opponent CJ Walker is, fading out on a disappointed gator.
The old man behind the cage examines the XHF Hardcore championship with a magnifying glass. A reactive agent sizzles against the metal. An eyebrow is raised. The proprietor runs a cloth across the gold platting, removing the agent and checking the lustre - before running a piece of glass across the inlaid diamonds. Squinting at the glass, the pawn broker shakes his head, then holds the uncut piece up to the seller. If Florida Man was surprised by the results, his mask doesn't betray it.
Pawn Broker:
"(If they were ever genuine, the stones have been swapped out...)"
Florida Man (shaking head with a sardonic chuckle):
He would get the last laugh. ...just Awesome.
Pawn Broker:
"(In its current state... I couldn't go higher than 2.)"
Florida Man (happy to get it):
SOL-
Before scaly hands can force a handshake and commit to this sale, Eri Sano jumps between the two.
Eri Sano:
"(FLORIDA MAN!)"
The gator that almost walks like a man - just not a particularly good example of either species - clutches his chest like he had been startled into a heart attack. Unfortunately for CJ, it was only a mild heart attack. Along with Sano comes a J-RoK videographer - and finding himself on camera, the pawn broker seems vexed.
Pawn Broker:
"(We don't buy hot merchandise here!)"
Florida Man:
But I'm the rightful owner-
The belt is tossed back into the gator's face. As the store owner produces a gun, the videographer and Sano flee towards the exit - essentially corralling FML through the front door with them, which slams shut before he can protest. The neon open sign cuts out before Florida Man can even force his way back in.
Eri Sano:
"(That was exciting.)"
Kenji Kaiba (videographer):
"(We were so brave.)"
Eri Sano
"(Yes. I am proud of how we handled that.)"
Something might be lost in translation. Florida Man would roll his eyes, but that feature on his mask would have cost an additional fifty bucks. Exhaling sharply through his fake nostrils to indicate displeasure, the Man from Florida carefully collects his XHF branded championship.
Florida Man:
Yeah, thanks a lot guys.
Kenji Kaiba (oblivious to sarcasm):
"(You are most welcome, Florida-san!)"
The gator shakes his head in frustration. Sano catches on.
Eri Sano:
"(Were you trying to sell... oh... OH. You need money? Don't worry Florida Man! That is why we came to find you, GOOD NEWS.)"
Florida Man:
Kira got flesh eating disease...... in his scrotum?
Eri Sano:
"(Even better! Nausicaä has reviewed the footage from Raison D'Etre - and decided that you didn't lose. What a visionary leader! So you are once again employed by J-RoK and can earn an honest living through wrestling, rather than sell Network property to feed your addiction.)"
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Hurray!)"
Eri Sano
"(As you Floridians say)" All. Well. End. Well.
The overly enthusiastic cameraman gives this suspect attempt at English a big thumbs up.
Florida Man:
....
Less enthusiastic is Demon No. 1.
Florida Man:
.................so does that mean that I'm also in the Hall of Fame with Sky Force?
Eri Sano:
"(Oh, she didn't say.)"
Florida Man:
.......an honest oversight. I mean, sure, her stable made it into the Hall of Fame while she was in charge of the company... but how could Naus be expected to remember the two years she was injured, and I was keeping their names mentioned on every broadcast.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Perhaps they only induced the original members?)"
Eri Sano:
"(Yes. That must be it. Like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they don't let in every fifth Beatle, just the main four.)"
The alleyway outside the pawnshop seems to be getting darker, which reflects the gator's mood.
Florida Man:
......that doesn't explain Tabby Scratch.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Who?)"
Florida Man:
Tabby. Scratch. A random cat crazy whose appearances can be counted on one claw, yet somehow exists in J-RoK's Hall of Fame as part of Sky Force...
Eri Sano:
"(Er...)"
Florida Man:
Charles is so lazy that some dirt sheets claim he's a stuffed toy. You think Charles pinned Chris Sanderson by himself? Or is it FAR more likely that the LEADER of Sky Force placed that cat on Sanderson? Yeah, Sky Force doesn't mind me getting them global gold - but when it comes time to celebrate the history of the group, I guess I'm not a generic enough random female for their liking? -But hey, I'm getting hot for nothing, Nausicaä didn't draft the list of Sky Force inductees.... that'd fall on J-RoK management... OH WAIT!
The happy interview duo seem decidedly less happy to be there.
Florida Man:
I'm not good enough to be in Nausicaä's group, but she does want me in her federation? Thanks but NO THANKS. I was in a loser leaves town match - and according to me, I lost. I don't mind saying that Kira Izumi was the better man (gags) - if it means the end of my incarceration in J-RoK. Nausicaä might be happy to screw the fans and call it a no contest... but yo boi don't play that game. Bait and switch? Nah! Me and Kira both agreed to that stipulation. If neither of us got the win, then BOTH OF US SHOULD GO! So if J-RoK is saying that Kira Izumi still works here, I must be gone. Simple as that. It is one way or the other.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(I would like it to be both.)"
Eri Sano:
"(Me too. I think all the fans would like to see you and Kira fight again.)"
Florida Man:
I'm not one to disappoint the fans... but Nausicaä suddenly offering me the olive branch... then rubbing my face in Tabby Scratch? Too little. WAY TOO LATE. So contract wise? Good luck making that stand-up. I got my pink slip in a safe deposit box. ONLY REASON WE'RE STILL TALKING IS BECAUSE I'M THE XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION. As long as I hold this championship, Nausicaä has the ability to maim me. No matter what match she books, I'm a stand-up guy, and a fighting champion - I'll deliver. Minute I drop the belt? Y'all can look for me in Network affiliates that recognized my talent back when Izumi was refusing to book me.
Eri Sano:
"(Oh No!)"
Kenji Kaiba:
"(My world is rocked...)"
Florida Man:
I like J-RoK's fans almost as much as I hate the companies talent. So the Hardcore championship gives me a chance to get revenge on talent, that didn't treat me especially well while Kira had my claws tied. I'm looking forward to that. The catch? THEY HAVE TO ASK FOR IT. Last time I had Hayley in the ring, I was shoving her into a garbage can. If that trash thinks she can pick herself up? Sign the contract. Charles thinks he put himself on Sanderson? PROVE IT, put your name on the dotted line. Harding didn't appreciate me kicking him in the face? He knows where to find me.
Eri Sano:
"(Yes, you seemed to align with Raymond and The End at Raison D'Etre-)"
Florida Man:
What can I say? Winners recognize winners. James Raymond is the only talent in J-RoK that I respect. He's already the greatest Visual Kei champion, but if I need to brain some folks to make that official, I will-
Eri Sano:
"(Wow, the fighting spirit that you and James share is electrifying. When did this start?)"
Florida Man:
James booked me for his Blood Sport. He's batting one hundred! Unlike Kira and Nausicaä, James did right by me. So while I'm loitering around Japan with this here strap, look for me to have Raymond's back. We'll show Sky Force what a real group looks like. Y'all better recognize that I am DANGEROUS and unchained. The scrap of paper y'all need to sign to get your asses kicked? The blank spaces are proof of your cowardice. And I can hear y'all bitching "I would sign up to embarrass you, but you'll probably lose the belt before I get a chance" .......with the kind of names they're feeding this here gator? I gots a feeling I'm going to be enjoying J-RoK's company for a LOOOOOONG time.
Kenji Kaiba:
"(Excellent. We look forward to your lengthy reign!)"
Eri Sano:
"(Your enthusiasm is appreciated, Florida Man - but how can you be certain you'll retain?)"
The Sunshine State Stud leans into a close-up.
Florida Man:
Get it straight, I want someone to pin me. To free me. To take the hardcore title from my claws before I find a pawn shop with less discriminating taste... a talent that can put me down. Run me out of J-RoK. In short, I need a miracle. ...I asked for an angel, and y'all gave me... CJ WALKER.
The disappointment is real.
Even the perpetually upbeat J-RoK interview squad are at a loss for words. So the scene ends with Florida Man's mic drop about what a garbage opponent CJ Walker is, fading out on a disappointed gator.