Post by Rage and Cage on Feb 26, 2024 18:40:10 GMT -5
Nicholas “Honest” Cage, not to be confused with that poser, Nicholas Cage, sits on the couch in his suite at Wesley Crane’s casino in Syracuse, New York. Laying on his lap is a beautiful, busty, blonde female. She’s half naked and appears to be sleeping. On the table are empty beer cans and a couple of empty liquor bottles. From the looks of it, good ol’ Nic has been having a wild night. Until you see the look on his face. He looks down in the dumps. He has a bong on his lap, tucked between his legs. He lifts the bong up and takes a monster hit. He holds it in for a few seconds but then starts coughing uncontrollably.
Cage: “Coughing is for pussies. Geez, I can’t even get that right. I just keep failing at everything.”
Nic places the bong down on his lap again. He reaches for the TV remote and accidentally pours bong water on his lap. Immediately he starts cursing.
Cage: “Cock sucker, mother fucker, son of a dirty whore!”
He stands up. When he does, his bong falls on the floor and breaks. He lowers his head, looking even more depressed. The blonde tosses and turns a bit. When she does, she lets out a loud, ripping, fart.
Cage: “You’ve got to be fucking with me, right?”
Cage looks up as if he were talking directly to the man upstairs.
Cage: “I can’t even pick out the right hooker.”
Nic starts cleaning up his mess. His phone begins ringing with a custom ringtone that repeatedly says “Your Little Brother Is Calling… Your Little Brother Is Calling You.” Nic reaches over and taps the screen to answer his brother’s call.
Cage: “Hey, man!”
Rage: “Heads up, I’m on my way there. I’ve got a plan for our Tag Team Championship Match. Get pumped! Be there in five-ish minutes.”
Before Cage can say anything else, his “younger than him by one minute” twin brother hangs up. Nic looks back down again and lets out a loud, depressing sounding gasp.
Cage: “I don’t know what good it’ll do for me. It’s not like I’m going to win. All I do is lose.”
Nic grabs the busty blondes shirt that sits on the coffee table and tosses it on her. He then walks over and taps her on the shoulder. She stretches, yawns and then opens her eyes.
Busty Blonde: “Whoa! What a night, huh?”
Cage: (sarcastically) “Yeah, real great. Look, you know I could eat a peach for hours, but it’s closing time. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”
Busty Blonde: “Wanna smoke a joint or something? Where’s the bong? I’ll hit that.”
Cage: “Come on, get up, you gotta go. My brother is on his way here and I don’t need him seeing you here.”
Busty Blonde: “Wow, what a dick!”
The busty blonde quickly stands up and puts her shirt on. She turns and heads for the door.
Busty Blonde: “Where’s my bra? That’s a $400 bra!”
Cage: “I’ll mail it to you. Goodbye.”
At this point, Cage is practically shoving her out the door. As she exits, she’s met by Nic’s brother, “Woke” Wesley Rage.
Busty Blonde: “Good luck with this one, he’s a real ass!”
Cage: “She’s just leaving.”
Rage: “Goodbye young lady. Maybe next time we can all grab breakfast. This morning though, it’s time to get pumped!”
Cage: “It’s not like it’s going to do me any good. All I do is lose. Maybe I just don’t have “it” anymore. I mean, I’ve had a hall of fame, legendary career.”
He hasn’t.
Cage: “Maybe it’s time that I go back to starring in movies again. Maybe do a couple of voiceovers for a couple of Pixar flicks. At least then I’d be semi-successful again. I mean, think about it, anytime we’ve lost as a team, I’m the one who takes the pinfall. Anytime we win, it’s you who makes the pin. Let’s face it, I SUCK!”
Nic, who has been wearing pants this entire time, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a vape pen. He holds it out in front of him, asking his brother if he wants any. Rage just shakes his head “no.” Nic hits the vape pen. Inhaling, he leans his head back, taking it all in. He exhales and then laughs at himself.
Cage: “Hehehe, look, I'm a dragon!"
His brother grins.
Cage: “RRAAAHH!"
Cage: “Coughing is for pussies. Geez, I can’t even get that right. I just keep failing at everything.”
Nic places the bong down on his lap again. He reaches for the TV remote and accidentally pours bong water on his lap. Immediately he starts cursing.
Cage: “Cock sucker, mother fucker, son of a dirty whore!”
He stands up. When he does, his bong falls on the floor and breaks. He lowers his head, looking even more depressed. The blonde tosses and turns a bit. When she does, she lets out a loud, ripping, fart.
Cage: “You’ve got to be fucking with me, right?”
Cage looks up as if he were talking directly to the man upstairs.
Cage: “I can’t even pick out the right hooker.”
Nic starts cleaning up his mess. His phone begins ringing with a custom ringtone that repeatedly says “Your Little Brother Is Calling… Your Little Brother Is Calling You.” Nic reaches over and taps the screen to answer his brother’s call.
Cage: “Hey, man!”
Rage: “Heads up, I’m on my way there. I’ve got a plan for our Tag Team Championship Match. Get pumped! Be there in five-ish minutes.”
Before Cage can say anything else, his “younger than him by one minute” twin brother hangs up. Nic looks back down again and lets out a loud, depressing sounding gasp.
Cage: “I don’t know what good it’ll do for me. It’s not like I’m going to win. All I do is lose.”
Nic grabs the busty blondes shirt that sits on the coffee table and tosses it on her. He then walks over and taps her on the shoulder. She stretches, yawns and then opens her eyes.
Busty Blonde: “Whoa! What a night, huh?”
Cage: (sarcastically) “Yeah, real great. Look, you know I could eat a peach for hours, but it’s closing time. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”
Busty Blonde: “Wanna smoke a joint or something? Where’s the bong? I’ll hit that.”
Cage: “Come on, get up, you gotta go. My brother is on his way here and I don’t need him seeing you here.”
Busty Blonde: “Wow, what a dick!”
The busty blonde quickly stands up and puts her shirt on. She turns and heads for the door.
Busty Blonde: “Where’s my bra? That’s a $400 bra!”
Cage: “I’ll mail it to you. Goodbye.”
At this point, Cage is practically shoving her out the door. As she exits, she’s met by Nic’s brother, “Woke” Wesley Rage.
Busty Blonde: “Good luck with this one, he’s a real ass!”
Cage: “She’s just leaving.”
Rage: “Goodbye young lady. Maybe next time we can all grab breakfast. This morning though, it’s time to get pumped!”
Cage: “It’s not like it’s going to do me any good. All I do is lose. Maybe I just don’t have “it” anymore. I mean, I’ve had a hall of fame, legendary career.”
He hasn’t.
Cage: “Maybe it’s time that I go back to starring in movies again. Maybe do a couple of voiceovers for a couple of Pixar flicks. At least then I’d be semi-successful again. I mean, think about it, anytime we’ve lost as a team, I’m the one who takes the pinfall. Anytime we win, it’s you who makes the pin. Let’s face it, I SUCK!”
Nic, who has been wearing pants this entire time, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a vape pen. He holds it out in front of him, asking his brother if he wants any. Rage just shakes his head “no.” Nic hits the vape pen. Inhaling, he leans his head back, taking it all in. He exhales and then laughs at himself.
Cage: “Hehehe, look, I'm a dragon!"
His brother grins.
Cage: “RRAAAHH!"