Post by Rage and Cage on Feb 26, 2024 18:41:56 GMT -5
“Woke” Wesley Rage finally gets a good look at the suite. It’s a nightmare. Perhaps the rough state of the rooms mirrors Nic’s current mental state? It was a crazy thought, but Rage had twin’s intuition. The odor of the room finally hits him. He gags and looks at Nic.
Rage: Bro, you okay? It smells like bong water and…
Rage trails off and notices an empty whiskey bottle.
Rage: Whiskey shits?
Cage: I wish I could take credit for that.
Rage: So she did that?
Cage: Right on my lap.
Rage: Hey, no judgment! You have every right to like what you like. If another consenting adult chooses to join you, then who am I to judge?
Cage: I’m not into that! Trust me, it was disgusting!
Rage: So it’s disgusting when she did it, but it would have been okay if you did it? That’s not cool, Nic. You gotta be better.
Cage doesn’t want a fight. He takes a seat among the trash on the couch and looks dejected.
Rage: You’re not improving your mental health by doing this. Maybe with shrooms or LSD, but not liquor and weed. They ain’t helping.
Cage: Still hasn’t made War Games feel any better.
Rage: We’re tag specialists, not cage specialists. We did our best! It just wasn’t our night. Our night will be Legacy 23!
Cage: I just don’t know…
Rage: Well, I do! You need to do what I’m doing: channeling the rage! Remember when we had to immediately defend the tag titles after winning them? Epcot Mafia got a two month break! That pisses me off! I’m taking that out on Meth Man and Marty!
Cage just continues to be sad.
Rage: We got their number! Marty doesn’t do tag matches. Watch his matches in other companies. He just lost to the old men over in Hardkore World! He’s ice cold! We got this!
Cage: Well, one of them was the old man.
Rage: Don’t remind me…it doesn’t matter! We’re better than him! We are the elite team in WUK! We’re going to finish off Epcot Mafia once and for all! After that, no one will be able to challenge us. We can start making history. Just like Crane!
Cage: Well, yeah. He’s the Two Kingdoms champion.
Rage: Let’s clean that up, bro. “Kingdom” is misogynistic. Let’s use more inclusive terms like “Two Monarchies” or “Two Empires”. Women can be rulers, too. I’ve already contacted Henderson about officially petitioning the change.
Cage: I guess we’ll see what happens.
Rage: Good things can happen with hard work. Take me. Every day, George Santos refuses to read what I tell him to on Cameo. I get a good laugh every time my money’s refunded to me. Yeah, Love and War sucked, but there’s still good in the world.
Cage: Isn’t Santos gay?
Rage: He’s the daywalker of the LGBTQIA+ community. They expelled him, too!
Rage laughs heartily. Cage doesn’t get it, but the laughter is infectious.
Rage: See? It gets better. Just like Legacy! They added the Dark Stars to the match. We can just beat them and win back the tag titles, if we want! They’re not even going to try to win! They’re from the future, so they know we’re kicking their asses! They’re nothing but fodder.
Cage: We have beaten them before!
Rage: We’ve beaten Epcot Mafia, too! We don’t have to do anything we haven’t done before. We just have to be ready.
Rage walks around the suite and steps on Cage’s used condom. Rage looks down as the contents squeezed out the end. Even Cage looks sickened.
Rage: You wrapped it up! Good move, bro!
Cage: I thought you’d be mad.
Rage: Safe sex is always a good thing. I just wish you had tied it up once you were done with it or tossed it in the trash.
Cage: Sorry.
Rage: It’s okay. Now you washed your hands after handling it, right? It was in somebody.
Cage: Poured some whiskey on my hands. They should be fine.
Rage: You know that’s not good enough, Nic. Go wash your hands.
Cage grumbles as he walks to the bathroom.
Rage: Remember to hum “Happy birthday’ twice before finishing! Get under your nails, too!
Cage: Damn, that’s a lot! Every time?
Rage: Every time!
Cage finishes washing his hands and realizes something awful.
Cage: Shit!
Rage: What?
Cage: I got to pee!
Rage: Then pee! What’s the big deal?
Cage: I’ll have to wash my hands again!
Rage: Get the fuck over it!
Cage groans, but goes to the lavish urinal in the fancy suite. After a few seconds, he looks confused. He looks down and sees he’s pissing into a condom that’s still on. It’s almost full, so he moves to the toilet and sits down. Hearing the commotion, Rage walks over. Since Cage didn’t close the door, his brother sees it all.
Rage: I appreciate that you’re secure in your masculinity enough to sit, but I don’t need to see it.
Rage closes the door to give each brother a degree of comfort.
Cage: Actually, I forgot I still had a condom on.
Rage: Don’t flush it! It’s bad for the environment!
Cage: How do you recommend I go about it?
Rage: Take it off, pour out the “contents”, then toss it in the bathroom trash.
Cage mutters to himself, but does as he’s told. He washes his hands again and leaves the bathroom.
Rage: Now that I’m thinking about it, should we just burn the Tag Titles? I’m concerned that Epcot Mafia has done gross things to them.
Cage: Couldn’t be worse than what I did to them.
Rage: Dude!
Cage: You had your belt, and I had mine. It’s cool.
Rage: We need to put a mark on them next time. I don’t want the ref handing me your belt.
Cage: That’d be for the best.
Rage: At least your head’s in the game again!
Cage: Yeah, I feel better and cleaner!
Rage: Bro, you okay? It smells like bong water and…
Rage trails off and notices an empty whiskey bottle.
Rage: Whiskey shits?
Cage: I wish I could take credit for that.
Rage: So she did that?
Cage: Right on my lap.
Rage: Hey, no judgment! You have every right to like what you like. If another consenting adult chooses to join you, then who am I to judge?
Cage: I’m not into that! Trust me, it was disgusting!
Rage: So it’s disgusting when she did it, but it would have been okay if you did it? That’s not cool, Nic. You gotta be better.
Cage doesn’t want a fight. He takes a seat among the trash on the couch and looks dejected.
Rage: You’re not improving your mental health by doing this. Maybe with shrooms or LSD, but not liquor and weed. They ain’t helping.
Cage: Still hasn’t made War Games feel any better.
Rage: We’re tag specialists, not cage specialists. We did our best! It just wasn’t our night. Our night will be Legacy 23!
Cage: I just don’t know…
Rage: Well, I do! You need to do what I’m doing: channeling the rage! Remember when we had to immediately defend the tag titles after winning them? Epcot Mafia got a two month break! That pisses me off! I’m taking that out on Meth Man and Marty!
Cage just continues to be sad.
Rage: We got their number! Marty doesn’t do tag matches. Watch his matches in other companies. He just lost to the old men over in Hardkore World! He’s ice cold! We got this!
Cage: Well, one of them was the old man.
Rage: Don’t remind me…it doesn’t matter! We’re better than him! We are the elite team in WUK! We’re going to finish off Epcot Mafia once and for all! After that, no one will be able to challenge us. We can start making history. Just like Crane!
Cage: Well, yeah. He’s the Two Kingdoms champion.
Rage: Let’s clean that up, bro. “Kingdom” is misogynistic. Let’s use more inclusive terms like “Two Monarchies” or “Two Empires”. Women can be rulers, too. I’ve already contacted Henderson about officially petitioning the change.
Cage: I guess we’ll see what happens.
Rage: Good things can happen with hard work. Take me. Every day, George Santos refuses to read what I tell him to on Cameo. I get a good laugh every time my money’s refunded to me. Yeah, Love and War sucked, but there’s still good in the world.
Cage: Isn’t Santos gay?
Rage: He’s the daywalker of the LGBTQIA+ community. They expelled him, too!
Rage laughs heartily. Cage doesn’t get it, but the laughter is infectious.
Rage: See? It gets better. Just like Legacy! They added the Dark Stars to the match. We can just beat them and win back the tag titles, if we want! They’re not even going to try to win! They’re from the future, so they know we’re kicking their asses! They’re nothing but fodder.
Cage: We have beaten them before!
Rage: We’ve beaten Epcot Mafia, too! We don’t have to do anything we haven’t done before. We just have to be ready.
Rage walks around the suite and steps on Cage’s used condom. Rage looks down as the contents squeezed out the end. Even Cage looks sickened.
Rage: You wrapped it up! Good move, bro!
Cage: I thought you’d be mad.
Rage: Safe sex is always a good thing. I just wish you had tied it up once you were done with it or tossed it in the trash.
Cage: Sorry.
Rage: It’s okay. Now you washed your hands after handling it, right? It was in somebody.
Cage: Poured some whiskey on my hands. They should be fine.
Rage: You know that’s not good enough, Nic. Go wash your hands.
Cage grumbles as he walks to the bathroom.
Rage: Remember to hum “Happy birthday’ twice before finishing! Get under your nails, too!
Cage: Damn, that’s a lot! Every time?
Rage: Every time!
Cage finishes washing his hands and realizes something awful.
Cage: Shit!
Rage: What?
Cage: I got to pee!
Rage: Then pee! What’s the big deal?
Cage: I’ll have to wash my hands again!
Rage: Get the fuck over it!
Cage groans, but goes to the lavish urinal in the fancy suite. After a few seconds, he looks confused. He looks down and sees he’s pissing into a condom that’s still on. It’s almost full, so he moves to the toilet and sits down. Hearing the commotion, Rage walks over. Since Cage didn’t close the door, his brother sees it all.
Rage: I appreciate that you’re secure in your masculinity enough to sit, but I don’t need to see it.
Rage closes the door to give each brother a degree of comfort.
Cage: Actually, I forgot I still had a condom on.
Rage: Don’t flush it! It’s bad for the environment!
Cage: How do you recommend I go about it?
Rage: Take it off, pour out the “contents”, then toss it in the bathroom trash.
Cage mutters to himself, but does as he’s told. He washes his hands again and leaves the bathroom.
Rage: Now that I’m thinking about it, should we just burn the Tag Titles? I’m concerned that Epcot Mafia has done gross things to them.
Cage: Couldn’t be worse than what I did to them.
Rage: Dude!
Cage: You had your belt, and I had mine. It’s cool.
Rage: We need to put a mark on them next time. I don’t want the ref handing me your belt.
Cage: That’d be for the best.
Rage: At least your head’s in the game again!
Cage: Yeah, I feel better and cleaner!