Hold me like the River Jordan!

[Visit Neom]

A Whole New (SEA)WORLD OF EMBARRASSMENT FOR MARTY DONOVAN

BY TUNA MELTZER

In a shocking turn of events, former Disney-sponsored wrestler Marty Donovan has found himself in hot water after an unexpected incident at SeaWorld.

Sources reveal that Marty Donovan, who previously delighted audiences by donning iconic Disney characters in the ring to promote the latest movies, recently lost his lucrative sponsorship deal with the entertainment giant. Fueled by the desire to maintain the spotlight and win back his cushy gig, Donovan allegedly decided to take his unique brand of entertainment to new depths – quite literally.

Last weekend, witnesses claim that Marty Donovan stormed into SeaWorld, demanding a one-on-one match up with the park's star attraction, Shamu the killer whale. Eyewitnesses described the scene as chaotic, with Donovan reportedly wearing a makeshift Finding Nemo clownfish costume and shouting, "I demand a fair fight, Shamu! No more hiding in your tank!"

SeaWorld employees attempted to inform Donovan that Shamu was no longer part of the park's attractions and had actually passed away 14 years prior. Undeterred, Donovan refused to believe the information, demanding to at least get a few rounds against Free Willy.

In a last-ditch effort to please House Mouse, Donovan attempted to sway park security at SeaWorld by resorting to bribery. Whispers of promises to throw his upcoming WUK tag team title match against The Dark Stars, strategically revealing a plot to cash in on significant gambling winnings, filled the air as Donovan sought cooperation. Security remained steadfast and did not allow Donovan access to any of the animals. A violent meltdown ensued as the former Hardkore World champion was dragged away. In a fit of rage, he vowed to return triumphantly, boasting of future wealth that would allow him to acquire SeaWorld and transform it into a Long John Silver's.

Disney CEO Bob Iger swiftly took action to address the situation. In a statement, Iger expressed his regret, saying, "I reached out to SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson to extend our sincere apologies for any confusion caused by Marty Donovan's recent actions. It's essential to clarify that Donovan no longer has any association with the Disney Corporation." Iger lightened the mood by introducing Disney's newest spokesperson, ACE, a remarkable wrestling dog. He humorously added, "We are delighted to introduce ACE as the face of Disney. Not only does ACE have a flair for wrestling, but his obedience training surpasses that of Marty Donovan's, making him a truly 'pawsome' addition to the Disney family."