The last ride of the BANG! Bros (Curtis RP)
Mar 2, 2024 16:27:08 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Spike Kane, and 7 more like this
Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Mar 2, 2024 16:27:08 GMT -5
*The Steve Awesome documentary chair sits empty for a moment. The booth door is heard opening and in walks Curtis Kanyon. He sits down and hangs his head. He sighs.*
*Curtis sniffles and runs a hand through his hair as he pulls himself into an upright position.*
Curtis: This whole setup. This booth. The team. Everything. What even happens to Awesome Enterprises after the memorial show?
Camera man: We uh, we help finish up the Shitstorm 5: Shitting in the Wind production and then we all move on.
Curtis: What? How are they going to finish the movie?
Camera man: Did you ever see Fast and Furious 7? They're going to give him the Paul Walker treatment for the few scenes left to film.
Curtis: He would like that. Makes sense why they're promoting the match then.
Camera man: Oh no, that's the musical, totally separate thing. Already sold out the first month of tickets they released.
Curtis: Fuck that's a hot ticket, I should see if Steve can get me on–
*Curtis stops mid sentence and bites his lip, being painfully reminded he can't call up Steve.*
Curtis: This just… this isn't fair.
*Curtis looks away from the camera as he tries to compose himself. After a few deep breaths, he looks back at the camera.*
Curtis: All right, promo mode. C'mon Curt… At a Night to Remember, El BANG! Hermanos ride again. The BANG! Bros represent one more time. El Combatiente and I requested CBB for the show because they were Steve and I's most dangerous and difficult foes. They ended our nearly year-long reign as tag team champions. And yes, Blobby is my white whale, the one enemy I've always wanted to defeat, but this match is not about that. A month ago I would have wanted this match out of revenge, out of spite, out of wanting to finally stand tall over that pink atrocity for my benefit. But after what happened, after losing my friend and long time partner, this isn't about me. Anything about me is moot right now. This is about Steve. This is about his little girl he left behind. This is about everyone he's ever touched, influenced, or motivated.
*Curtis quickly wipes away a tear.*
Curtis: This about putting on the best show, presenting the best fight in his honor. Much like Supremacy, the fight is for Steve. And… well… fuck, I need to retract my previous statement. I'm sorry, this is all still so raw. I lied, this is also about me. But just not in the normal way. It's not about vanquishing Blobby or getting revenge. It's about going out on top while I still can. It's about getting that last glorious battle while I still can. Because this part is also about Steve. I've been been lying to myself for a long time about my own mortality, but in this business, we all do.
*Curtis let's out a sigh.*
Curtis: Go back to before The BANG! Bros. I was out for a year with an injury from James fucking Raymond. I probably shouldn't have come back, but thanks to teaming with Steve and El Combatiente and Spike, I had the best damn run of my life. I wouldn't change any of that, and I'm glad I defied the doctors as long as I did. But then I fought a guy who defended the X*Crown with knives thinking I was invincible, and I was put on the shelf for another year. All the while thinking “I'll be back when the time is right.” And I saw my shot at Supremacy. I had a golden ticket to another X*Crown shot. And because of spite, I had an opportunity to ruin James fucking Raymond's chances. So I may not have won, but I achieved my other goal. But at what cost?
*Curtis looks down again wipes at his face, then gives a light chuckle before composing himself again.*
Curtis: I'm the fucking King of Hardcore, I do whatever it takes whenever the opportunity arrises. But I BANG!ed James fucking Raymond off the top of the Annihilation Complex, and as we both soared through the air, I felt the high that I always feel when I'm causing that level of deplorable violence. But as the ground was rushing toward us, for the first time ever, for a fleeting moment, I wondered what the fuck I was doing. I got kids. I got a wife. I was falling toward rows of chairs. What If I landed wrong and shattered my knee again? What if I broke my spine and was stuck in a wheelchair forever? Or what if I was sent to Valhalla? I mean, seeing Steve again would be the only solace. But I always talk about earning my way to Valhalla, I've never actually thought any of my actions would literally send me there until that moment. And I think that's only because what happened to Steve is a harsh reminder that we are not as immortal as we all think we are. If I think that way now, how can I ever be as violent as I was when I thought I was invulnerable?
*Curtis smirks.*
Curtis: It's a real shitstorm of emotions. It is. Some day, I will cross that rainbow bridge and party with Steve again. But by the grace of Thor, I survived that fall, and I'm able to compete. But even if I was a broken mess, I'd still go out there to honor Steve. So now, El Combatiente and I ride again. And I have to put on a brave face. I have to push the negative thoughts out of my mind. I have to put the sad thoughts off to the side. I'm going to maim the seemingly indestructible Blobby and his idiot savant handler who is somehow surprisingly good at wrestling, but hides it behind his Mongoloid friend's weird antics. I have to stand tall for Steve, I have to. And when it ends, then it'll be time to let the emotions back in. Then it will be time to cry. But until that moment, I have to fight these feelings, because I can't let them keep me from doing what I do best. I can't honor Steve if I don't give it one hundred percent.
*Curtis starts to choke up, but stops and takes a deep breath.*
Curtis: So, I'm sorry there's no goofy robots, there's no zany political metaphors, there's no comedic drug use in this promo. I don't have the heart for it. I'm not in the right headspace. But right now, how can any of us be? I'm doing all I can just to hold it together. The day of, the moment I'm in that bounce house, then maybe, hopefully, I can find joy between those bells, doing the job I love. The job that's been slipping through my old and tired fingers. Just one more time, for Steve, that's all I ask of Thor. In the aftermath, I'll figure out the rest of my story. But for now, I'm focused on that night. I'm focused on hurting Noel and Blobby, on working in synch with El Combatiente, on giving the fans the best night of action they could ever ask for. And most importantly… you know what? Why tell you, when I can show you? Come with me.
Camera man: Um… we usually don't leave the room.
Curtis: Pick it up.
Camera man: It's on a tripod and there's wires and…
Curtis: Stop whining and pick it up!
*Curtis gets out of the chair and beckons the camera man to follow. They leave the documentary interview room and go out into a hallway, then through another door where we see the dining room of Kanyon Estates. Looks like it's well catered with food on the table, as Spike, El Combatiente, Esmerelda, Zelda, Obama, Clinton, and Bush, are all mingling.*
Curtis: We're here tonight celebrating the life of Steve Awesome. A Night to Remember is the last ride of The BANG! Bros.
*Curtis grabs a glass of wine and raises it.*
Curtis: And at that show, we will honor Steve with violence, with sports entertainment, and with love. We love you Steve. So most importantly of all, Steve Awesome, you will… rest… in… POWER!
*Everyone cheers to the toast as we fade out.*
I can't believe it. I want someone to tell me this is a PR stunt. I want Steve to pop out and tell me he's the new host of Punk'd. I'd be furious, but I'd take that over this. Fuck. …Anything over this.
*Curtis sniffles and runs a hand through his hair as he pulls himself into an upright position.*
I can't do this justice, turn the filter off.
Curtis: This whole setup. This booth. The team. Everything. What even happens to Awesome Enterprises after the memorial show?
Camera man: We uh, we help finish up the Shitstorm 5: Shitting in the Wind production and then we all move on.
Curtis: What? How are they going to finish the movie?
Camera man: Did you ever see Fast and Furious 7? They're going to give him the Paul Walker treatment for the few scenes left to film.
Curtis: He would like that. Makes sense why they're promoting the match then.
Camera man: Oh no, that's the musical, totally separate thing. Already sold out the first month of tickets they released.
Curtis: Fuck that's a hot ticket, I should see if Steve can get me on–
*Curtis stops mid sentence and bites his lip, being painfully reminded he can't call up Steve.*
Curtis: This just… this isn't fair.
*Curtis looks away from the camera as he tries to compose himself. After a few deep breaths, he looks back at the camera.*
Curtis: All right, promo mode. C'mon Curt… At a Night to Remember, El BANG! Hermanos ride again. The BANG! Bros represent one more time. El Combatiente and I requested CBB for the show because they were Steve and I's most dangerous and difficult foes. They ended our nearly year-long reign as tag team champions. And yes, Blobby is my white whale, the one enemy I've always wanted to defeat, but this match is not about that. A month ago I would have wanted this match out of revenge, out of spite, out of wanting to finally stand tall over that pink atrocity for my benefit. But after what happened, after losing my friend and long time partner, this isn't about me. Anything about me is moot right now. This is about Steve. This is about his little girl he left behind. This is about everyone he's ever touched, influenced, or motivated.
*Curtis quickly wipes away a tear.*
Curtis: This about putting on the best show, presenting the best fight in his honor. Much like Supremacy, the fight is for Steve. And… well… fuck, I need to retract my previous statement. I'm sorry, this is all still so raw. I lied, this is also about me. But just not in the normal way. It's not about vanquishing Blobby or getting revenge. It's about going out on top while I still can. It's about getting that last glorious battle while I still can. Because this part is also about Steve. I've been been lying to myself for a long time about my own mortality, but in this business, we all do.
*Curtis let's out a sigh.*
Curtis: Go back to before The BANG! Bros. I was out for a year with an injury from James fucking Raymond. I probably shouldn't have come back, but thanks to teaming with Steve and El Combatiente and Spike, I had the best damn run of my life. I wouldn't change any of that, and I'm glad I defied the doctors as long as I did. But then I fought a guy who defended the X*Crown with knives thinking I was invincible, and I was put on the shelf for another year. All the while thinking “I'll be back when the time is right.” And I saw my shot at Supremacy. I had a golden ticket to another X*Crown shot. And because of spite, I had an opportunity to ruin James fucking Raymond's chances. So I may not have won, but I achieved my other goal. But at what cost?
*Curtis looks down again wipes at his face, then gives a light chuckle before composing himself again.*
Curtis: I'm the fucking King of Hardcore, I do whatever it takes whenever the opportunity arrises. But I BANG!ed James fucking Raymond off the top of the Annihilation Complex, and as we both soared through the air, I felt the high that I always feel when I'm causing that level of deplorable violence. But as the ground was rushing toward us, for the first time ever, for a fleeting moment, I wondered what the fuck I was doing. I got kids. I got a wife. I was falling toward rows of chairs. What If I landed wrong and shattered my knee again? What if I broke my spine and was stuck in a wheelchair forever? Or what if I was sent to Valhalla? I mean, seeing Steve again would be the only solace. But I always talk about earning my way to Valhalla, I've never actually thought any of my actions would literally send me there until that moment. And I think that's only because what happened to Steve is a harsh reminder that we are not as immortal as we all think we are. If I think that way now, how can I ever be as violent as I was when I thought I was invulnerable?
*Curtis smirks.*
Curtis: It's a real shitstorm of emotions. It is. Some day, I will cross that rainbow bridge and party with Steve again. But by the grace of Thor, I survived that fall, and I'm able to compete. But even if I was a broken mess, I'd still go out there to honor Steve. So now, El Combatiente and I ride again. And I have to put on a brave face. I have to push the negative thoughts out of my mind. I have to put the sad thoughts off to the side. I'm going to maim the seemingly indestructible Blobby and his idiot savant handler who is somehow surprisingly good at wrestling, but hides it behind his Mongoloid friend's weird antics. I have to stand tall for Steve, I have to. And when it ends, then it'll be time to let the emotions back in. Then it will be time to cry. But until that moment, I have to fight these feelings, because I can't let them keep me from doing what I do best. I can't honor Steve if I don't give it one hundred percent.
*Curtis starts to choke up, but stops and takes a deep breath.*
Curtis: So, I'm sorry there's no goofy robots, there's no zany political metaphors, there's no comedic drug use in this promo. I don't have the heart for it. I'm not in the right headspace. But right now, how can any of us be? I'm doing all I can just to hold it together. The day of, the moment I'm in that bounce house, then maybe, hopefully, I can find joy between those bells, doing the job I love. The job that's been slipping through my old and tired fingers. Just one more time, for Steve, that's all I ask of Thor. In the aftermath, I'll figure out the rest of my story. But for now, I'm focused on that night. I'm focused on hurting Noel and Blobby, on working in synch with El Combatiente, on giving the fans the best night of action they could ever ask for. And most importantly… you know what? Why tell you, when I can show you? Come with me.
Camera man: Um… we usually don't leave the room.
Curtis: Pick it up.
Camera man: It's on a tripod and there's wires and…
Curtis: Stop whining and pick it up!
*Curtis gets out of the chair and beckons the camera man to follow. They leave the documentary interview room and go out into a hallway, then through another door where we see the dining room of Kanyon Estates. Looks like it's well catered with food on the table, as Spike, El Combatiente, Esmerelda, Zelda, Obama, Clinton, and Bush, are all mingling.*
Curtis: We're here tonight celebrating the life of Steve Awesome. A Night to Remember is the last ride of The BANG! Bros.
*Curtis grabs a glass of wine and raises it.*
Curtis: And at that show, we will honor Steve with violence, with sports entertainment, and with love. We love you Steve. So most importantly of all, Steve Awesome, you will… rest… in… POWER!
*Everyone cheers to the toast as we fade out.*
