Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Mar 15, 2024 3:59:31 GMT -5
*The sounds of hammers and saws overwhelm the darkness as we fade in on two large wooden doors outside. It is marked, “Lord Dominicus’ Coronation Interactive Experience.” The camera approaches the doors and if by magic they swing open to reveal…a mostly empty warehouse. It’s filled (relatively speaking) with some vaguely evil looking (read: black) decorations and in the center is a large black throne with an “under construction” sign hanging on it. Lord Dominicus walks into the frame.*
LD: Not what you expected, eh?
*He surveys the rather disappointing view.*
LD: Me either. If Galvatron were here he’d probably laugh, call this bad comedy, and shoot me. Luckily this isn’t the Transformers: The Movie and luckily this isn’t actually my coronation…yet.
*The DARK LORD OF WUK gestures at the “Under Construction” sign.*
LD: You see; things haven’t quite gone as expected. I’ve done a lot since coming here. In fact you could argue that I’ve largely done everything I set out to do and more. Don’t believe me? Did I or did I not prove my dominance over Wesley Crane? Oh I did that. Not only did my team beat the heck out of his team but he’s gotten so messed up from all of that he’s naming all the titles like a psycho and talking about urinating on the champion.
*There’s a slight pause.*
LD: No but really, that came off as unhinged to you guys too, right? I figured a guy like him might be hard up but after realizing that he gives EVERY title a different woman’s name- well let’s just say that once I get my hands on one of those titles…I’m immediately going to be letting it sit overnight in a vat of sanitizer.
*He shudders to himself.*
LD: And then the pissing excellence? Not a terrible thing to say- weird but not terrible…except that maybe you shouldn’t be talking about pissing in the same context as a fine young woman like Miss Van Zant. I didn’t need to learn this many fetishes and I regret letting your head get hit so hard in the Wargames match, Crane.
*The BLACKEST OF EVILS waves off the icky thought.*
LD: Aside from that though in the VERY SAME Wargames match I, THE TRUE LORD OF THIS COMPANY, not only caged R and C but somehow managed to make the Glucks look presentable. You guys laugh at me preaching the gospel of EVIL but Timmy Draven looked like a joke while the DOMINIFIED Glucks were stronger than ever! THAT’S WHAT THE EVIL OF LORD DOMINICUS DOES! BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!
*He throws his arms out excitedly.*
LD: I gave Kasper Van Zant the confidence through the power of EVIL to become what she always could be! Now, in fairness she has moved on from that, but the LADY EVIL powers stuck around long enough for her to become the champion we’re all working to beat. LOOK AT HOW DIVERSE I MADE YOU, Wrestle: United Kingdom! I know a fair few old schoolers who would be rolling in their graves or retirement home wheelchairs knowing that this company is currently helmed by a woman. I DID THAT!
*He points to himself.*
LD: And what else did I do? Oh I happen to be training up a NEW GENERATION OF EVIL in the form of the current Lady Evil. Here I am making W:UK a better place through the power of EVIL! So I welcome my detractors to go ahead and insult me and tell me that I don’t appear on enough shows. The fact of the matter is that despite not being on TV every week I have done MORE than anyone else in this company. If anything you guys should be THANKING ME for not being on more! If I was we’d probably already have a totally different roster because there’s no way none of you can improve fast enough to be worthy of my vision.
*Lord Dominicus looks back at the throne.*
LD: And yet…
*He sighs.*
LD: …And yet I feel like a failure. “Is it because you haven’t held any titles?” you ask stupidly? No, that’s stupid, you stupid person. Anyone who’s watched me work knows that I can gain titles as I please. I am, if you recall, the former NPW Triple Crown Champion- that’s a title that didn’t exist until I showed up. No, unlike all the rabble I’m going to have to endure listening to in the build up for this match, I don’t see championships as a goal.
*Dominicus walks around a little, going behind his throne and returning.*
LD: No, for me titles are a tool. They’re a tool to show everyone my ABSOLUTE DOMI-DOMINANCE over them. They are a symbol, one I thus far have felt unneeded. But at St. Patrick’s Massacre things will be a little different- and this ties into why I feel like a failure. You see, despite ALL OF MY DARK ACCOMPLISHMENTS, the upper management here at this company seems to be DEAD SET on Wrestle: United Kingdom being…
*A rather exaggerated groan rumbles through the warehouse.*
LD: …HardKore World Junior. My PRIMARY GOAL was to get us out of that other company’s shadow. And I thought that we had succeeded- HENCE THE CORRONATION- I mean even stupid ultra-thirsty Wesley Crane has been saying up and down that he’s exclusive here so we can build the brand, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO! The powers that be didn’t think that the guys who HEADLINED THE WAR GAMES could draw a crowd with Eron Hunter and Kasper Van Zant. A gaggle of previous champions AND me but apparently it wasn’t enough. No we had to invite two of the most recognizable names from HardKore World too.
*He sticks a DominiFinger in his mouth and fake gags.*
LD: Without any logic or respect for their ACTUAL talent we have to share the ring with Kalmin Watts and Florida Man. Now let me say that this isn’t about you two, I don’t really give a crap about either of you. Florida, if you want to be weird, go be weird in the midcard. Kalmin Watts? If you want to do whatever you do, then do it outside of my realm. Having these two in the match is an insult to the rest of us and that means it’s time to take desperate actions.
*Dominicus takes a moment to calm himself down and to prepare for what he’s about to suggest.*
LD: Since the higher-ups have taken it on themselves to pollute OUR match with outside blood I am calling on the TRUE WUK stars- Kasper Van Zant, Eron Hunter, Ronnie Long, and even stupid Wesley Crane to join me in putting aside our differences and band together to make this Elimination Chamber into an Elimination Handicap match as we ELIMINATE the foreigners from our main event and SHOW EVERYONE that Wrestle: United Kingdom doesn’t need Hardkore World to stand!
*He walks towards the camera, then past it. The camera quickly whips around to follow him as the DARK LORD OF THE NETWORK walks through his sorry excuse for a coronation hall and out the door. Once the camera is through, Lord Dominicus closes the door and pulls down the sign.*
LD: For the sake of this company and to achieve my ULTIMATE GOALS I am stepping down from my throne and delaying my RIGHTFUL coronation. To protect MY company I don’t care which of us wins, as long as it isn’t Florida Man or Kalmin Watts. If we fail in that endeavor know that I, LORD DOMINICUS, did his part and any failure falls at the feet of my fellow United Kingdom Wrestlers.
*We get a strong DominiPoint at the camera.*
LD: I’ll see you all in Dublin. If you fail me there, know that the my WRATH will make my TYRANNY seem like a vacation. I will sit upon my throne and judge this company, but on the 25th we have bigger priorities.
*Fade to black.*
LD: Not what you expected, eh?
*He surveys the rather disappointing view.*
LD: Me either. If Galvatron were here he’d probably laugh, call this bad comedy, and shoot me. Luckily this isn’t the Transformers: The Movie and luckily this isn’t actually my coronation…yet.
*The DARK LORD OF WUK gestures at the “Under Construction” sign.*
LD: You see; things haven’t quite gone as expected. I’ve done a lot since coming here. In fact you could argue that I’ve largely done everything I set out to do and more. Don’t believe me? Did I or did I not prove my dominance over Wesley Crane? Oh I did that. Not only did my team beat the heck out of his team but he’s gotten so messed up from all of that he’s naming all the titles like a psycho and talking about urinating on the champion.
*There’s a slight pause.*
LD: No but really, that came off as unhinged to you guys too, right? I figured a guy like him might be hard up but after realizing that he gives EVERY title a different woman’s name- well let’s just say that once I get my hands on one of those titles…I’m immediately going to be letting it sit overnight in a vat of sanitizer.
*He shudders to himself.*
LD: And then the pissing excellence? Not a terrible thing to say- weird but not terrible…except that maybe you shouldn’t be talking about pissing in the same context as a fine young woman like Miss Van Zant. I didn’t need to learn this many fetishes and I regret letting your head get hit so hard in the Wargames match, Crane.
*The BLACKEST OF EVILS waves off the icky thought.*
LD: Aside from that though in the VERY SAME Wargames match I, THE TRUE LORD OF THIS COMPANY, not only caged R and C but somehow managed to make the Glucks look presentable. You guys laugh at me preaching the gospel of EVIL but Timmy Draven looked like a joke while the DOMINIFIED Glucks were stronger than ever! THAT’S WHAT THE EVIL OF LORD DOMINICUS DOES! BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!
*He throws his arms out excitedly.*
LD: I gave Kasper Van Zant the confidence through the power of EVIL to become what she always could be! Now, in fairness she has moved on from that, but the LADY EVIL powers stuck around long enough for her to become the champion we’re all working to beat. LOOK AT HOW DIVERSE I MADE YOU, Wrestle: United Kingdom! I know a fair few old schoolers who would be rolling in their graves or retirement home wheelchairs knowing that this company is currently helmed by a woman. I DID THAT!
*He points to himself.*
LD: And what else did I do? Oh I happen to be training up a NEW GENERATION OF EVIL in the form of the current Lady Evil. Here I am making W:UK a better place through the power of EVIL! So I welcome my detractors to go ahead and insult me and tell me that I don’t appear on enough shows. The fact of the matter is that despite not being on TV every week I have done MORE than anyone else in this company. If anything you guys should be THANKING ME for not being on more! If I was we’d probably already have a totally different roster because there’s no way none of you can improve fast enough to be worthy of my vision.
*Lord Dominicus looks back at the throne.*
LD: And yet…
*He sighs.*
LD: …And yet I feel like a failure. “Is it because you haven’t held any titles?” you ask stupidly? No, that’s stupid, you stupid person. Anyone who’s watched me work knows that I can gain titles as I please. I am, if you recall, the former NPW Triple Crown Champion- that’s a title that didn’t exist until I showed up. No, unlike all the rabble I’m going to have to endure listening to in the build up for this match, I don’t see championships as a goal.
*Dominicus walks around a little, going behind his throne and returning.*
LD: No, for me titles are a tool. They’re a tool to show everyone my ABSOLUTE DOMI-DOMINANCE over them. They are a symbol, one I thus far have felt unneeded. But at St. Patrick’s Massacre things will be a little different- and this ties into why I feel like a failure. You see, despite ALL OF MY DARK ACCOMPLISHMENTS, the upper management here at this company seems to be DEAD SET on Wrestle: United Kingdom being…
*A rather exaggerated groan rumbles through the warehouse.*
LD: …HardKore World Junior. My PRIMARY GOAL was to get us out of that other company’s shadow. And I thought that we had succeeded- HENCE THE CORRONATION- I mean even stupid ultra-thirsty Wesley Crane has been saying up and down that he’s exclusive here so we can build the brand, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO! The powers that be didn’t think that the guys who HEADLINED THE WAR GAMES could draw a crowd with Eron Hunter and Kasper Van Zant. A gaggle of previous champions AND me but apparently it wasn’t enough. No we had to invite two of the most recognizable names from HardKore World too.
*He sticks a DominiFinger in his mouth and fake gags.*
LD: Without any logic or respect for their ACTUAL talent we have to share the ring with Kalmin Watts and Florida Man. Now let me say that this isn’t about you two, I don’t really give a crap about either of you. Florida, if you want to be weird, go be weird in the midcard. Kalmin Watts? If you want to do whatever you do, then do it outside of my realm. Having these two in the match is an insult to the rest of us and that means it’s time to take desperate actions.
*Dominicus takes a moment to calm himself down and to prepare for what he’s about to suggest.*
LD: Since the higher-ups have taken it on themselves to pollute OUR match with outside blood I am calling on the TRUE WUK stars- Kasper Van Zant, Eron Hunter, Ronnie Long, and even stupid Wesley Crane to join me in putting aside our differences and band together to make this Elimination Chamber into an Elimination Handicap match as we ELIMINATE the foreigners from our main event and SHOW EVERYONE that Wrestle: United Kingdom doesn’t need Hardkore World to stand!
*He walks towards the camera, then past it. The camera quickly whips around to follow him as the DARK LORD OF THE NETWORK walks through his sorry excuse for a coronation hall and out the door. Once the camera is through, Lord Dominicus closes the door and pulls down the sign.*
LD: For the sake of this company and to achieve my ULTIMATE GOALS I am stepping down from my throne and delaying my RIGHTFUL coronation. To protect MY company I don’t care which of us wins, as long as it isn’t Florida Man or Kalmin Watts. If we fail in that endeavor know that I, LORD DOMINICUS, did his part and any failure falls at the feet of my fellow United Kingdom Wrestlers.
*We get a strong DominiPoint at the camera.*
LD: I’ll see you all in Dublin. If you fail me there, know that the my WRATH will make my TYRANNY seem like a vacation. I will sit upon my throne and judge this company, but on the 25th we have bigger priorities.
*Fade to black.*
