KISS ME I'm Floridish [LOADED Chamber]
Mar 18, 2024 22:20:19 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, edwarddubin0604, and 2 more like this
Post by flo on Mar 18, 2024 22:20:19 GMT -5
Dublin.
The Ha'penny Bridge.
As night falls on the capitol, foot traffic starts to slowdown on the cast-iron landmark. The few dozen bodies that stroll past take in the magnificent skyline at a leisurely pace - completely oblivious to the shadow that moves around their feet. A flash of green. Is it a Kappa? Wrong folklore. The dark presence darts from one group of legs to another, unseen by the giants above, but moving with a pace and intensity that seems predatory...
Spotting a wallet lying on the ground, the shape charges towards it, its green hand reaching down for the prize. The moment a finger touches brown leather, the desired object is snatched away on a string.
That isn't good.
A TRAP!
Large arms wrap around the shape, hoisting it up in the air.
Florida Man:
I CAUGHT ME A LEPRECHAUN!
Gazoo (not amused):
Put me down, Flo!
Florida Man:
TIME TO START GRANTING WISHES-
The Dublin locals keep their distance as the gator-faced luchador manhandles his legal counsel - who happens to be a dwarf painted green. It isn't long before both men are rough housing-
A jail cell door slides shut on Florida Man.
Florida Man:
My lawyer will have me out of here in an hour!
...Sporting a few bruises from their brawl, Gazoo is standing next to FML in the prison cell, and looks even less like legal counsel than usual.
Gazoo:
...
Florida Man:
Yo Gaz, tell 'em how I'm being persecuted for being awesome! ATTICA!
Gazoo (groan):
.......We don't want to risk our VISAs. Let's just spend the night in the drunk tank, and we can get back to training tomorrow.
Florida Man:
BUT IT'S ST. PATRICK'S DAY... IN IRELAND! We gots to go on the pub crawl to end all pub crawls!
Gazoo:
They don't actually do that here.
Florida Man (crocodile tear):
Then I gotta teach 'em how, Gaz!
Gazoo (still sulking):
Pretty sure they're good.
Florida Man:
I can't stay in here, Gaz - I gotta SAVE St. Patrick's Day!
Gazoo:
And how do you propose we remove ourselves from these accommodations?
A lightbulb flickers over the Floridian's scaly skull.
Florida Man (snapping talons):
Eureka! We catch a Leprechaun and wish our way o-
Before the words can leave the masked maniac's elongated mouth - his lawyer jumps him.
JUMP CUT. Both men are sporting more bruises, but have been separated by the supervising officer.
Officer Fitzpatrick:
Saints preserve us! ...Now I don't want to hear another peep out you lot.
Turning his back on the public menaces, the officer crosses back out of the cell, closing the door behind him. No sooner has the cop moved on, then Florida Man produces a pocket watch that he's just pilfered off of their guard.
Florida Man (waving the watch at his manager):
Peace offering?
Gazoo:
Seriously?
Retreating to the far bench, Gazoo rolls his eyes, not impressed by such petty larceny. Ignoring his lawyer's cold shoulder, Florida Man leans back against the opposite bench and admires the time piece. A claw beckons the videographer over - who is apparently also spending the holiday in a holding cell.
Florida Man:
Looks like we is missing St. Patrick's...
A razor-sharp claw taps the watch.
Florida Man:
....but I'll MAKE the MASSACRE.
If his mask was made out of slightly better materials, the sinister hero of children would be licking his lips.
Florida Man:
Elimination Chamber... hot dang. Seven participants? Someone pinch me! And since we're in historic Dublin, I know the rest of the participants are gonna let their freak flags fly with that MAD local colour! Wait, just me? Missed opportunity that. Well... at least they all ain't doing the same sit-down interview in which they run down a list of opponents like they were checking boxes...
The videographer's silence says it all.
Florida Man:
No kidding? Different strokes, I guess. Whelp, at least if they go methodically through a list, they'll remind folks why I'm in the chamber. I mean, it's not like they is all downplaying my involvement like if they ignore me I'll just go away...
Again silence.
Florida Man:
They sure know how to hurt a guy.
...See every one of us deserves to be behind bars.
Kasper? She's the champ.
Hunter? Former champ.
Crane? Top draw.
Watts is always at the top of contender list, nice to see his FACE again.
Long was going to be the greatest commonwealth champ ever, that got sidetracked - but welcome back anyway, Ronnie!
And Dominicus... is a special attraction that works so few dates, its easier to slide him into multi-man matches. SHAME about Dresden, but y'all make for a stacked chamber! ONLY what about this here tag champ? Marty ain't in the match, so why is the gator getting the special treatment?
WHY AM I HERE?
A pained sigh. Raising the watch up next to his cartoonish eyes, the Floridian taps a button on the top. The ticking is audible. Tick. Tock.
Florida Man:
TWENTY. MINUTES.
It's the exact same mask, so expressions can't change, but the Floridian's gaze seems icy.
Florida Man:
Battle of Britain. I went through thirty of the best and brightest wrestlers in the world to claim MY world title shot. WUK's biggest event of the year. ...Only when New Years Brawl finally came around... well... me and Eron put on a hell of a match. ...But a twenty minute draw? That is sketchy as HELLLLLL. Twenty minutes for the commonwealth, sure, but the world title? Give me an hour, give me forty five, how about thirty, christ, TV time remaining? Anything more than TWENTY MINUTES! I beat thirty men to get there! That don't even equal a MAN a MINUTE! The fans were digging it - where was Mr. Blood to start it back up? Eron, nicest guy in the wold, right? Didn't see him asking the ref for more time...
I enjoy WUK, so I checked out a bunch of other world title matches. When Fowler took on Crane, was that ten minutes? I thought Crane versus Long was EPIC, but maybe it was only two minutes and I was just really high? Watts, Hunter, Goth? Sure felt like forever. Like me and Eron, all them matches are why WUK is great. I just don't buy twenty as the official cut off point. Some guys went long? That's fine, but we deserved a rematch. INSTEAD, Kasper ended up picking the strap off of an Eron who was apparently exhausted by our "broadway." The focus turns to her and Dresden, and your boi is yesterday's news...
B.O.B. ...that is why I'm in the chamber. A do over.
We ALL deserve to be locked up in cages, I'm just saying that my TICKET to this prison slumber party is better than y'alls.
I will win the elimination chamber, and show that Battle of Britain is still the gold standard when it comes to seeing the BEST in WUK.
Wesley. You're the odds on favourite. Frankly, you win the world strap and we'll never see a Two Kingdoms defence again. I hate J-RoK and THAT would amuse me, so I'm pulling for you.......... but I beat a guy called Golden Dragon to win Britain, and if I don't make good on that shot? It'd be like I CRUSHED Golden Dragon's dreams for nothing. I can't do that to my boi.
Eron. You and me tore the dang house down. There are a lot of talented folks in chambers, but I know we can steal this show. Beyond the title, we got some unfinished business.... so keep your wits about you, else WUK is gonna see what would have happened with five more minutes.
Kasper. What happened to the plucky kid that wanted to turn me into boots? You finally get your chance, and the focus is on girl's power? Dominicus changed you. The men in that chamber? We aren't your brothers, who you have to prove something too. We're your colleagues. The dudes who were happy for your win. We wanted the FUN champion, instead you became the poor man's Dresden.... you used to be better than that.
The light flickers again.
Florida Man:
I've got it!
Gazoo:
What?
Florida Man:
I'll just get Marty to bail us out-
Gazoo:
He isn't in Dublin...
Florida Man:
He will be when I tell him we have a tag defence he forgot about!
Gazoo (shaking head):
Flo. You will win the chamber, only for Marty to murder you. Dead, the title will be vacated and WUK will have to hold yet another elimination chamber next month. Do you know what Mr. Blood would say to that?
The gator puts on his thinking face, which is the same as his other faces.
Florida Man (snaps fingers):
YES! He'd say it's...
Your friendly neighbourhood meth dealer strikes a world champion worthy pose.
Florida Man:
A St. Patrick's Day Miracle!
Time to teach the Irish how to drink... they are going to need it.
The Ha'penny Bridge.
As night falls on the capitol, foot traffic starts to slowdown on the cast-iron landmark. The few dozen bodies that stroll past take in the magnificent skyline at a leisurely pace - completely oblivious to the shadow that moves around their feet. A flash of green. Is it a Kappa? Wrong folklore. The dark presence darts from one group of legs to another, unseen by the giants above, but moving with a pace and intensity that seems predatory...
Spotting a wallet lying on the ground, the shape charges towards it, its green hand reaching down for the prize. The moment a finger touches brown leather, the desired object is snatched away on a string.
That isn't good.
A TRAP!
Large arms wrap around the shape, hoisting it up in the air.
Florida Man:
I CAUGHT ME A LEPRECHAUN!
Gazoo (not amused):
Put me down, Flo!
Florida Man:
TIME TO START GRANTING WISHES-
The Dublin locals keep their distance as the gator-faced luchador manhandles his legal counsel - who happens to be a dwarf painted green. It isn't long before both men are rough housing-
FLORIDA MAN
IN
DOIN' TIME
A jail cell door slides shut on Florida Man.
Florida Man:
My lawyer will have me out of here in an hour!
...Sporting a few bruises from their brawl, Gazoo is standing next to FML in the prison cell, and looks even less like legal counsel than usual.
Gazoo:
...
Florida Man:
Yo Gaz, tell 'em how I'm being persecuted for being awesome! ATTICA!
Gazoo (groan):
.......We don't want to risk our VISAs. Let's just spend the night in the drunk tank, and we can get back to training tomorrow.
Florida Man:
BUT IT'S ST. PATRICK'S DAY... IN IRELAND! We gots to go on the pub crawl to end all pub crawls!
Gazoo:
They don't actually do that here.
Florida Man (crocodile tear):
Then I gotta teach 'em how, Gaz!
Gazoo (still sulking):
Pretty sure they're good.
Florida Man:
I can't stay in here, Gaz - I gotta SAVE St. Patrick's Day!
Gazoo:
And how do you propose we remove ourselves from these accommodations?
A lightbulb flickers over the Floridian's scaly skull.
Florida Man (snapping talons):
Eureka! We catch a Leprechaun and wish our way o-
Before the words can leave the masked maniac's elongated mouth - his lawyer jumps him.
JUMP CUT. Both men are sporting more bruises, but have been separated by the supervising officer.
Officer Fitzpatrick:
Saints preserve us! ...Now I don't want to hear another peep out you lot.
Turning his back on the public menaces, the officer crosses back out of the cell, closing the door behind him. No sooner has the cop moved on, then Florida Man produces a pocket watch that he's just pilfered off of their guard.
Florida Man (waving the watch at his manager):
Peace offering?
Gazoo:
Seriously?
Retreating to the far bench, Gazoo rolls his eyes, not impressed by such petty larceny. Ignoring his lawyer's cold shoulder, Florida Man leans back against the opposite bench and admires the time piece. A claw beckons the videographer over - who is apparently also spending the holiday in a holding cell.
Florida Man:
Looks like we is missing St. Patrick's...
A razor-sharp claw taps the watch.
Florida Man:
....but I'll MAKE the MASSACRE.
If his mask was made out of slightly better materials, the sinister hero of children would be licking his lips.
Florida Man:
Elimination Chamber... hot dang. Seven participants? Someone pinch me! And since we're in historic Dublin, I know the rest of the participants are gonna let their freak flags fly with that MAD local colour! Wait, just me? Missed opportunity that. Well... at least they all ain't doing the same sit-down interview in which they run down a list of opponents like they were checking boxes...
The videographer's silence says it all.
Florida Man:
No kidding? Different strokes, I guess. Whelp, at least if they go methodically through a list, they'll remind folks why I'm in the chamber. I mean, it's not like they is all downplaying my involvement like if they ignore me I'll just go away...
Again silence.
Florida Man:
They sure know how to hurt a guy.
...See every one of us deserves to be behind bars.
Kasper? She's the champ.
Hunter? Former champ.
Crane? Top draw.
Watts is always at the top of contender list, nice to see his FACE again.
Long was going to be the greatest commonwealth champ ever, that got sidetracked - but welcome back anyway, Ronnie!
And Dominicus... is a special attraction that works so few dates, its easier to slide him into multi-man matches. SHAME about Dresden, but y'all make for a stacked chamber! ONLY what about this here tag champ? Marty ain't in the match, so why is the gator getting the special treatment?
WHY AM I HERE?
A pained sigh. Raising the watch up next to his cartoonish eyes, the Floridian taps a button on the top. The ticking is audible. Tick. Tock.
Florida Man:
TWENTY. MINUTES.
It's the exact same mask, so expressions can't change, but the Floridian's gaze seems icy.
Florida Man:
Battle of Britain. I went through thirty of the best and brightest wrestlers in the world to claim MY world title shot. WUK's biggest event of the year. ...Only when New Years Brawl finally came around... well... me and Eron put on a hell of a match. ...But a twenty minute draw? That is sketchy as HELLLLLL. Twenty minutes for the commonwealth, sure, but the world title? Give me an hour, give me forty five, how about thirty, christ, TV time remaining? Anything more than TWENTY MINUTES! I beat thirty men to get there! That don't even equal a MAN a MINUTE! The fans were digging it - where was Mr. Blood to start it back up? Eron, nicest guy in the wold, right? Didn't see him asking the ref for more time...
I enjoy WUK, so I checked out a bunch of other world title matches. When Fowler took on Crane, was that ten minutes? I thought Crane versus Long was EPIC, but maybe it was only two minutes and I was just really high? Watts, Hunter, Goth? Sure felt like forever. Like me and Eron, all them matches are why WUK is great. I just don't buy twenty as the official cut off point. Some guys went long? That's fine, but we deserved a rematch. INSTEAD, Kasper ended up picking the strap off of an Eron who was apparently exhausted by our "broadway." The focus turns to her and Dresden, and your boi is yesterday's news...
B.O.B. ...that is why I'm in the chamber. A do over.
We ALL deserve to be locked up in cages, I'm just saying that my TICKET to this prison slumber party is better than y'alls.
I will win the elimination chamber, and show that Battle of Britain is still the gold standard when it comes to seeing the BEST in WUK.
Wesley. You're the odds on favourite. Frankly, you win the world strap and we'll never see a Two Kingdoms defence again. I hate J-RoK and THAT would amuse me, so I'm pulling for you.......... but I beat a guy called Golden Dragon to win Britain, and if I don't make good on that shot? It'd be like I CRUSHED Golden Dragon's dreams for nothing. I can't do that to my boi.
Eron. You and me tore the dang house down. There are a lot of talented folks in chambers, but I know we can steal this show. Beyond the title, we got some unfinished business.... so keep your wits about you, else WUK is gonna see what would have happened with five more minutes.
Kasper. What happened to the plucky kid that wanted to turn me into boots? You finally get your chance, and the focus is on girl's power? Dominicus changed you. The men in that chamber? We aren't your brothers, who you have to prove something too. We're your colleagues. The dudes who were happy for your win. We wanted the FUN champion, instead you became the poor man's Dresden.... you used to be better than that.
The light flickers again.
Florida Man:
I've got it!
Gazoo:
What?
Florida Man:
I'll just get Marty to bail us out-
Gazoo:
He isn't in Dublin...
Florida Man:
He will be when I tell him we have a tag defence he forgot about!
Gazoo (shaking head):
Flo. You will win the chamber, only for Marty to murder you. Dead, the title will be vacated and WUK will have to hold yet another elimination chamber next month. Do you know what Mr. Blood would say to that?
The gator puts on his thinking face, which is the same as his other faces.
Florida Man (snaps fingers):
YES! He'd say it's...
Your friendly neighbourhood meth dealer strikes a world champion worthy pose.
Florida Man:
A St. Patrick's Day Miracle!
Time to teach the Irish how to drink... they are going to need it.