Post by Old Line Jeff on Apr 14, 2024 2:48:08 GMT -5
Daeriq Damien hadn’t heard from the Glucks in a few weeks.
“It’s strange, because they don’t really have much in common with Ronnie Long, and at the same time they share one of his worst habits. After a bit of a winning streak they just run out of steam and go into a match not ready to fight. Then they have a bit of a losing streak, consider quitting, then they don’t and they pull it back together.”
“I don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about or why you’re telling me this.” said a random person, who then got up and walked away quickly.
He tried Carlton’s cellphone, and it went straight to that message where it tells you that the jerk you’re calling doesn’t have a voice mailbox set up yet. Carlton, Daeriq guessed, was probably somewhere out in the mudflats with one of those girls he’d met through Wesley Crane during his High Roller’s Club days.
Next he tried Chapps’ cellphone.
Surprisingly, Chapps answered on the first ring.
“HAY WASSUP COACH.”
“Ehh… personally, not much. But I think you know that’s not what I’m calling about. What are you doing?”
“THINKIN’.”
“Is there any particular reason you’re screaming?”
“I’M THINKIN’!”
Cellphones are designed to have a maximum volume that isn’t deafening, but Chapps was still loud enough that the sound distorted into static.
“About what?”
“THINKIN’!”
And then a beep said he hung the phone up.
Once, Daeriq had tried to get the Gluck sister’s phone number. But Cherie had given him the side eye. “You can’t have my phone number.” she’d said, a mocking lilt in her voice like she thought it was ridiculous he’d even thought to ask.
“I wish Ronnie would come back.”
The Gluck Truck is shiny white on top, but the bottom half caked with red mud. Jacked up tires keep it from sinking into the mire, and in the bed of the truck, Chapps and Cherie lie next to each other looking up at the stars, Chapps having just finished setting his phone to silent.
“You ever fought the Dark Stars?”
“Ah was tryin’ to remember. Didn’t think so. Ah looked through the old lineups and we were supposed to fight ‘em in our debut match, that three way tag match with the Purge, but when the actual match happened it was them Fariatax boys.”
“How the fuck did that happen?”
“Don’t ask me.”
Don’t ask me either. I asked in Discord, but nobody said anything.
“I wish Nawlins would go shit itself to death.”
“What in particular is making you mad at Nawlins this time?”
“Cos I’m tryin’ to look at these stars, but too many of ‘em are dark because the light pollution from Nawlins is blocking off the Milky Way. And now Ah cain’t see no dark stars.”
“You ever wondered if the dark stars can see us?”
“Not til just now, no. Uhhh… I think. I’unno really.”
“Chapps Alameda Gluck, how do you not know what you’re thinking?”
“How th’ fuck am Ah s’posed to know that?”
“Ah would think that bein’ in command of your mental faculties you’d have a pretty clear idea of what you were thinkin’.”
“Yeah well who th’ fuck says Ah’m in command of my mental facilities? Ah’m too busy havin’ fun and or thinkin’ deep thoughts to fuck with all that.”
“And by fun and deep thoughts you mean wacky tobacky and Yukon Jack, right?”
“Cherie how the damnasshellfuck am Ah supposed to know that?”
Hysterical giggles ensue.
On the record I’m saying ‘don’t do drugs kids.’ Y’all gotta read between the lines.
“Here’s somethin’ to think about, Chapps. You were sayin’ that you couldn’t see the dark stars, right?”
“Yaw.”
“An you think it’s Nawlinsis fault?”
“Everything’s Nawlinsis fault.”
“So are we talking about the Dark Stars tag team? Or like… literal black stars in the black sky? And DON’T YOU fuckin’ tell me you don’t know.”
“Well shit. Alls Ah’m sayin’ is comin’ out here to look at the stars to try and segue it into a diss on the Dark Stars is better than driving to fucking Hattiesburg and not seeing a pelican and dissing Bull and Burt.”
“Who the fuck is Burt?”
More hysterical giggles.
Every time they start to die down, one of the Glucks mutters ‘Burt’ under their breath.
This goes on for a while.
Like, a while.
lmao burt
Then, suddenly, Cherie thinks of something.
“Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro.”
She says bro like 28 more times before Chapps notices.
“WHAT!”
“What if the Dark Stars are watching us? Like right now?”
Chapps considers this. Then he throws two middle fingers up at the night sky.
“REMOVE LASER TAG remove laser tag you are-”
Cherie slaps him.
“BRO you used that one already!”
“Oh shit. Hang on lemme think. Um… a goat can feel sad, a goat can feel wonderful, a goat can feel mad.”
“What does that have to do with the Dark Stars?”
“Nothing, just, Ah was remembering that old Sesame Street stuff because someone had to go and talk about Burt. Burt…”
And more giggles.
“So which Dark Star is Burt and which Dark Star is Ernie?”
“Holy fucking shit that’s deep.”
“Wasn’t this supposed to be a promo?”
“Fukkit we’ll make Carlton do one once he’s done mackin’.”
“Don’t ever say that again.”
“THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT! FUCK YOU AH SAID THAT!”
“You sure did Chapps, you sure did.”
“It’s strange, because they don’t really have much in common with Ronnie Long, and at the same time they share one of his worst habits. After a bit of a winning streak they just run out of steam and go into a match not ready to fight. Then they have a bit of a losing streak, consider quitting, then they don’t and they pull it back together.”
“I don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about or why you’re telling me this.” said a random person, who then got up and walked away quickly.
He tried Carlton’s cellphone, and it went straight to that message where it tells you that the jerk you’re calling doesn’t have a voice mailbox set up yet. Carlton, Daeriq guessed, was probably somewhere out in the mudflats with one of those girls he’d met through Wesley Crane during his High Roller’s Club days.
Next he tried Chapps’ cellphone.
Surprisingly, Chapps answered on the first ring.
“HAY WASSUP COACH.”
“Ehh… personally, not much. But I think you know that’s not what I’m calling about. What are you doing?”
“THINKIN’.”
“Is there any particular reason you’re screaming?”
“I’M THINKIN’!”
Cellphones are designed to have a maximum volume that isn’t deafening, but Chapps was still loud enough that the sound distorted into static.
“About what?”
“THINKIN’!”
And then a beep said he hung the phone up.
Once, Daeriq had tried to get the Gluck sister’s phone number. But Cherie had given him the side eye. “You can’t have my phone number.” she’d said, a mocking lilt in her voice like she thought it was ridiculous he’d even thought to ask.
“I wish Ronnie would come back.”
The Gluck Truck is shiny white on top, but the bottom half caked with red mud. Jacked up tires keep it from sinking into the mire, and in the bed of the truck, Chapps and Cherie lie next to each other looking up at the stars, Chapps having just finished setting his phone to silent.
“You ever fought the Dark Stars?”
“Ah was tryin’ to remember. Didn’t think so. Ah looked through the old lineups and we were supposed to fight ‘em in our debut match, that three way tag match with the Purge, but when the actual match happened it was them Fariatax boys.”
“How the fuck did that happen?”
“Don’t ask me.”
Don’t ask me either. I asked in Discord, but nobody said anything.
“I wish Nawlins would go shit itself to death.”
“What in particular is making you mad at Nawlins this time?”
“Cos I’m tryin’ to look at these stars, but too many of ‘em are dark because the light pollution from Nawlins is blocking off the Milky Way. And now Ah cain’t see no dark stars.”
“You ever wondered if the dark stars can see us?”
“Not til just now, no. Uhhh… I think. I’unno really.”
“Chapps Alameda Gluck, how do you not know what you’re thinking?”
“How th’ fuck am Ah s’posed to know that?”
“Ah would think that bein’ in command of your mental faculties you’d have a pretty clear idea of what you were thinkin’.”
“Yeah well who th’ fuck says Ah’m in command of my mental facilities? Ah’m too busy havin’ fun and or thinkin’ deep thoughts to fuck with all that.”
“And by fun and deep thoughts you mean wacky tobacky and Yukon Jack, right?”
“Cherie how the damnasshellfuck am Ah supposed to know that?”
Hysterical giggles ensue.
On the record I’m saying ‘don’t do drugs kids.’ Y’all gotta read between the lines.
“Here’s somethin’ to think about, Chapps. You were sayin’ that you couldn’t see the dark stars, right?”
“Yaw.”
“An you think it’s Nawlinsis fault?”
“Everything’s Nawlinsis fault.”
“So are we talking about the Dark Stars tag team? Or like… literal black stars in the black sky? And DON’T YOU fuckin’ tell me you don’t know.”
“Well shit. Alls Ah’m sayin’ is comin’ out here to look at the stars to try and segue it into a diss on the Dark Stars is better than driving to fucking Hattiesburg and not seeing a pelican and dissing Bull and Burt.”
“Who the fuck is Burt?”
More hysterical giggles.
Every time they start to die down, one of the Glucks mutters ‘Burt’ under their breath.
This goes on for a while.
Like, a while.
lmao burt
Then, suddenly, Cherie thinks of something.
“Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro.”
She says bro like 28 more times before Chapps notices.
“WHAT!”
“What if the Dark Stars are watching us? Like right now?”
Chapps considers this. Then he throws two middle fingers up at the night sky.
“REMOVE LASER TAG remove laser tag you are-”
Cherie slaps him.
“BRO you used that one already!”
“Oh shit. Hang on lemme think. Um… a goat can feel sad, a goat can feel wonderful, a goat can feel mad.”
“What does that have to do with the Dark Stars?”
“Nothing, just, Ah was remembering that old Sesame Street stuff because someone had to go and talk about Burt. Burt…”
And more giggles.
“So which Dark Star is Burt and which Dark Star is Ernie?”
“Holy fucking shit that’s deep.”
“Wasn’t this supposed to be a promo?”
“Fukkit we’ll make Carlton do one once he’s done mackin’.”
“Don’t ever say that again.”
“THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT! FUCK YOU AH SAID THAT!”
“You sure did Chapps, you sure did.”