Post by Dave D-Flipz on Apr 15, 2024 21:44:47 GMT -5
Dr. Chaos: Much as it PAINS me to admit it … Funaki might be right.
*A hand slams across her chest, stopping Dr. Chaos from moving further up the front walkway.*
Mistress Discipline: Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?
*Mistress Discipline almost looks afraid at what could prompt this statement from her manager and friend. Chaos rolls her eyes and moves the hand from her ample bosom*
Dr. Chaos: Save the hanky panky for your husband, my mistress. I just mean, he said he has been running our PR and it has been real difficult to keep the fans invested, based on how you were acting. Of course, he means that you haven’t addressed your adoring public!
*Discipline thinks this over, they begin to slowly march to the front door of the BHB home base.*
Dr. Chaos: You heard the others in the Death Trap fan club, it’s like someone threw cool water on them in the middle of a Grandfather Mountain winter!
Mistress Discipline: I had assumed they were sad not to be able to interact with the man himself, or your daughter. They all have a soft spot for Sarah and her pet rat.
Dr. Chaos: Yeah her tiktok following has gone CRAZY lately.
Mistress Discipline: I cannot believe you are letting her participate in Chinese propaganda.
Dr. Chaos: It was a fine excuse to avoid the meeting. She hasn’t liked the way the club spoke of you two the last few meetings.
*As they approach the door, they stop in their tracks as they hear something strange coming from behind the door.*
Death Trap: You have to make it quick and precise, Sarah. If Bloodied Fox can do this twice, I should have no problem doing it too, on a MUCH GRANDER SCALE! Oh make sure to keep your hands behind the guard.
Sarah: HIYA!!!!
*The door is thrown open as Chaos and Mistress storm inside and see Sarah about to run DT through the heart with a katana. Everyone freezes as the eyes on Mistress go wide, Sarah looks like she knows she’s in trouble, Poka turns off the camera by leaning on the record button as she covers her face with her bowler hat. Chaos marches up to Sarah as DT seems to be standing there with a blindfold over his eyes, arms outstretched, asking for the sword to the heart …*
Dr. Chaos: Sarah, we talked about how to use a weapon…
Sarah: No comment…
Mistress Discipline: What kind of poorly written, YA romance novel drivel are you up to here sir!
*DT flinches and slowly removes the blindfold and sees his enraged wife slam the door behind her. In the kitchen we can see Funaki in a poodle costume open the fridge, grab a beer, and walk back off screen silently weeping*
Death Trap: Uuuuh … tiktok?
Dr. Chaos: Sarah! We do not FILM OURSELVES committing FELONIES! We SPOKE about this!
Sarah: His idea!
*She points at DT*
Dr. Chaos: We do NOT raise our weapon against another living thing unless you intend to EAT it!
Sarah: Gross!
Dr. Chaos: Only Mistress gets to eat Death Trap! Besides your fans want to see the rat, not this … rat fink! Where do you get off trying to make my daughter a felon?
Mistress Discipline: Since when did you have a death wish?
Death Trap: I mean I signed up for SWAT.
Mistress Discipline and Dr. Chaos: Fair…
Dr. Chaos: I thought he was doing better!
Mistress Discipline: So did I!
Death Trap: You guys are acting like I wouldn’t just come back better than ever…
*They all, including Poka and Funaki leaning in from the kitchen, look at him incredulously.*
Dr. Chaos: Oh you poor sweet moron, people don’t just come back from a sword to the heart!
Death Trap: Fox did it. What I gotta explode too? Sarah, google where to buy dynami-
Dr. Chaos: NOOOO! No ruining my daughter’s search history! We don’t need her on any MORE lists …
*Sarah’s head droops*
Sarah: Vtubers …
*Chaos shudders in response.*
Dr. Chaos: Come on Sarah, let’s put that away and find something constructive for you to do with this destructive urge.
*She leads Sarah and Poka away, walking past Funaki and patting him on the head as she walks by. He cries harder*
Mistress Discipline: Please … elaborate.
Death Trap: Bloodied Fox.
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, you need to get him out of your mind. Focus on us!
Death Trap: If he can resurrect … TWICE … I can do it too! I mean even Spike has done it … and he was a jock strap once … Look, we both know I am better than Bloodied Fox! If dying led to him … and Spike … winning the X*Crown … then I need to do it too. Because I am the best around, and NO DEATH IS GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!
*Mistress places her hands on his shoulders and calmly gets in his face to almost whisper*
Mistress Discipline: What if you do not resurrect by the rumble?
*Death Trap’s eyes go wide.*
Death Trap: FUCK! You’re right! How could I be so foolish? Thanks honey, let’s go train.
*She sighs in relief and frustration*
Mistress Discipline: No, Chaos is right, we need to address our fans. Especially if Sarah broadcast this escapade to her followers.
Death Trap: I didn’t know she had a Livejournal…
*The scene opens up in the home gym of the Bowler Hat Brigade’s North Carolina residence. DT is on the bench press as Mistress spots him. He completes a set as his wife helps him rack the bar. He exhales and grabs his towel and wipes his hands and head. He sees the camera, so does Mistress.*
Mistress Discipline: Right now, Chaos? Look how sweaty and disheveled we look!
Dr. Chaos: Don’t worry, we all know what goes on in bed.
Mistress Discipline: That is a frightening thought.
Death Trap: … Bloodied Fox…
Mistress Discipline: I am RIGHT here, and you want to talk about him?
Dr. Chaos: Was he in the bed?
*Mistress and DT glare at her.*
Dr. Chaos: Shutting up now!
Death Trap: Fox? What the fuck makes you so goddamned special, huh? Stabbed in the heart, blown up and incinerated, back a month later. Tell me something, Foxy? What makes you deserving of this treatment? I gotta say it sure looks like only the assholes get to come back from the dead, huh? You, Spike, Brad Kane …
Mistress Discipline: One more reason your plan to resurrect better than Fox was as pathetic as that terrible fan fiction …
Dr. Chaos: Fifty Shades of Gray? Fifty Shades of Vanilla amirite?!
Death Trap: It’s true what they say, only the good die young but assholes live forever … and survive like roaches in the apocalypse. Am I just supposed to ignore your antics, your misdeeds? Am I just supposed to forgive and forget because Brendan seems happy to see you? What blackmail do you have on that poor simp that he is willing to even LOOK at you? You are far more of a monster than Caffrey or MAJE-
Dr. Chaos: DON’T SAY THE NAME!
*DT waves her off and tosses his towel into the hamper at the exit of the room. He cracks his neck then leans in towards the camera, beckoning Chaos closer.*
Death Trap: Peter … you alone are responsible for your actions. You alone chose to be weak, pathetic, and easy to manipulate. You alone made the bed you laid in. And it is spitting in the face of the people you hurt to come back and try to claim redemption. You broke your husband, you nearly killed his friend. You stole from the fans of CAR, the place I now … begrudgingly … call home, one of their most beloved drivers. You took my glory from me. You drove your husband to come for MY tag team titles and then you took my rumble victory. I could not, in good faith, allow you to do what you were doing, even to Zoran Sainovic. Because unlike you, I … am a good man. I am a scion. I am a role model. And then you tried to kill me. Couldn’t bear to lose to me so you tried to assassinate me instead. Congrats! Even Armand and Paul Soutter had some subtlety and tact in trying to unalive me. But worst of all … you tried to take my wife from me.
*DT points to Mistress, who is nonplussed about this entire promo. This is all time they could be training TOGETHER. Chaos zooms out to show DT looking at his wife with adoration … and then zoom back in as he looks back into the camera as if staring into Fox’s soul, a malicious look we have not seen on DT in over a decade.*
Death Trap: Applause is required here folks! Everyone’s favorite hero, defeater of Legion, savior of LGBTKO, fucker upper of Icons, rumble winner, Bloodied Fox … managed to be a worse human being than the masochistic slavetrader, the murderous sexpot, and the homophobic despotic SWAT owner. How did you fucking manage to spin that one!? And worse … how did you manage to convince ANY of these fans to side with you again now? As if you changed, as if you didn’t show your true colors. And yes, this is personal to me, Peter Cain. I wasn’t … Abel … to stop you, to save you, to protect myself, to protect my loved ones. I will have my honor back. I will repay your mistreatment of us seven fold.
*DT stands up and runs his hand through his hair before turning his back on the camera to make a pained laugh.*
Death Trap: They say it is the inaction of good men that lets evil succeed. Lets it fester and grow. Well Fox, I am nothing if not a good man. And I REFUSE to sit back and do nothing while your evil emerges from remission and poisons the spirit of the XHF Network. I am bound by honor and duty to stand in front of you and finish our business. But I am done trying to save you, or redeem you. As far as I and my fans are concerned … you are irredeemable. And excising you will be my gift to the XHF Network. As they chant MY name, and stand in awe of ME. XHF Legend, the ONLY two time End of Days winner, and the new rumble winner and X*Crown champion. THREE TIME X*CROWN CHAMPION! At your expense. Like I said … we have unfinished business. You couldn’t kill me last time. You won’t get the shot to try again. There will be no more self sacrifice to save others who don’t matter. There is only me … and my wife … standing alone as the final two. A holy union to combat the unholy throngs. No Zoran and his army of invaders, no SEIRIOS, no Caffrey, no extra BANG BROS … nothing to compete with the unstoppable duo act of the greatest tag team champions in history.
*DT beams with pride as he turns back to the camera.*
Death Trap: They say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people he wasn’t real. I say the devil needs to spend less time stealing souls and fiddling in Georgia if he wants to put one over on me. I don’t know why he keeps spitting back the sick, dregs of the XHF back to this plane of existence … but I intend to send you all back. I may not be an angel … but that won’t stop me from playing God in this rumble.
*He sits back on the bench with a sick smirk to the camera*
Death Trap: I … am the redemption of the XHF. I am the righteous punishment coming your way. Trust and believe … I will not wither like Hyperion … I will not falter like Seth Dillinger … I will not be pushed aside again. I have waited twenty years to stand with that X*Crown title at the end of the rumble. I will wait … no … longer. You should have stayed dead, Fox. Because now? I have to bring this all full circle …
*DT throws his arms out in that signature pose, Mistress drapes her arms over his shoulders and leans her head next to his.*
Death Trap: The Scion of the XHF will deliver … with my partner by my side … we will end this little charade and expose you for what you are, and send you back to hell. Survey says?
Mistress Discipline: One more … for the good guys.
Death Trap: Fuck you Fox.
*Fade out*
*A hand slams across her chest, stopping Dr. Chaos from moving further up the front walkway.*
Mistress Discipline: Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?
*Mistress Discipline almost looks afraid at what could prompt this statement from her manager and friend. Chaos rolls her eyes and moves the hand from her ample bosom*
Dr. Chaos: Save the hanky panky for your husband, my mistress. I just mean, he said he has been running our PR and it has been real difficult to keep the fans invested, based on how you were acting. Of course, he means that you haven’t addressed your adoring public!
*Discipline thinks this over, they begin to slowly march to the front door of the BHB home base.*
Dr. Chaos: You heard the others in the Death Trap fan club, it’s like someone threw cool water on them in the middle of a Grandfather Mountain winter!
Mistress Discipline: I had assumed they were sad not to be able to interact with the man himself, or your daughter. They all have a soft spot for Sarah and her pet rat.
Dr. Chaos: Yeah her tiktok following has gone CRAZY lately.
Mistress Discipline: I cannot believe you are letting her participate in Chinese propaganda.
Dr. Chaos: It was a fine excuse to avoid the meeting. She hasn’t liked the way the club spoke of you two the last few meetings.
*As they approach the door, they stop in their tracks as they hear something strange coming from behind the door.*
Death Trap: You have to make it quick and precise, Sarah. If Bloodied Fox can do this twice, I should have no problem doing it too, on a MUCH GRANDER SCALE! Oh make sure to keep your hands behind the guard.
Sarah: HIYA!!!!
*The door is thrown open as Chaos and Mistress storm inside and see Sarah about to run DT through the heart with a katana. Everyone freezes as the eyes on Mistress go wide, Sarah looks like she knows she’s in trouble, Poka turns off the camera by leaning on the record button as she covers her face with her bowler hat. Chaos marches up to Sarah as DT seems to be standing there with a blindfold over his eyes, arms outstretched, asking for the sword to the heart …*
Dr. Chaos: Sarah, we talked about how to use a weapon…
Sarah: No comment…
Mistress Discipline: What kind of poorly written, YA romance novel drivel are you up to here sir!
*DT flinches and slowly removes the blindfold and sees his enraged wife slam the door behind her. In the kitchen we can see Funaki in a poodle costume open the fridge, grab a beer, and walk back off screen silently weeping*
Death Trap: Uuuuh … tiktok?
Dr. Chaos: Sarah! We do not FILM OURSELVES committing FELONIES! We SPOKE about this!
Sarah: His idea!
*She points at DT*
Dr. Chaos: We do NOT raise our weapon against another living thing unless you intend to EAT it!
Sarah: Gross!
Dr. Chaos: Only Mistress gets to eat Death Trap! Besides your fans want to see the rat, not this … rat fink! Where do you get off trying to make my daughter a felon?
Mistress Discipline: Since when did you have a death wish?
Death Trap: I mean I signed up for SWAT.
Mistress Discipline and Dr. Chaos: Fair…
Dr. Chaos: I thought he was doing better!
Mistress Discipline: So did I!
Death Trap: You guys are acting like I wouldn’t just come back better than ever…
*They all, including Poka and Funaki leaning in from the kitchen, look at him incredulously.*
Dr. Chaos: Oh you poor sweet moron, people don’t just come back from a sword to the heart!
Death Trap: Fox did it. What I gotta explode too? Sarah, google where to buy dynami-
Dr. Chaos: NOOOO! No ruining my daughter’s search history! We don’t need her on any MORE lists …
*Sarah’s head droops*
Sarah: Vtubers …
*Chaos shudders in response.*
Dr. Chaos: Come on Sarah, let’s put that away and find something constructive for you to do with this destructive urge.
*She leads Sarah and Poka away, walking past Funaki and patting him on the head as she walks by. He cries harder*
Mistress Discipline: Please … elaborate.
Death Trap: Bloodied Fox.
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, you need to get him out of your mind. Focus on us!
Death Trap: If he can resurrect … TWICE … I can do it too! I mean even Spike has done it … and he was a jock strap once … Look, we both know I am better than Bloodied Fox! If dying led to him … and Spike … winning the X*Crown … then I need to do it too. Because I am the best around, and NO DEATH IS GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!
*Mistress places her hands on his shoulders and calmly gets in his face to almost whisper*
Mistress Discipline: What if you do not resurrect by the rumble?
*Death Trap’s eyes go wide.*
Death Trap: FUCK! You’re right! How could I be so foolish? Thanks honey, let’s go train.
*She sighs in relief and frustration*
Mistress Discipline: No, Chaos is right, we need to address our fans. Especially if Sarah broadcast this escapade to her followers.
Death Trap: I didn’t know she had a Livejournal…
*The scene opens up in the home gym of the Bowler Hat Brigade’s North Carolina residence. DT is on the bench press as Mistress spots him. He completes a set as his wife helps him rack the bar. He exhales and grabs his towel and wipes his hands and head. He sees the camera, so does Mistress.*
Mistress Discipline: Right now, Chaos? Look how sweaty and disheveled we look!
Dr. Chaos: Don’t worry, we all know what goes on in bed.
Mistress Discipline: That is a frightening thought.
Death Trap: … Bloodied Fox…
Mistress Discipline: I am RIGHT here, and you want to talk about him?
Dr. Chaos: Was he in the bed?
*Mistress and DT glare at her.*
Dr. Chaos: Shutting up now!
Death Trap: Fox? What the fuck makes you so goddamned special, huh? Stabbed in the heart, blown up and incinerated, back a month later. Tell me something, Foxy? What makes you deserving of this treatment? I gotta say it sure looks like only the assholes get to come back from the dead, huh? You, Spike, Brad Kane …
Mistress Discipline: One more reason your plan to resurrect better than Fox was as pathetic as that terrible fan fiction …
Dr. Chaos: Fifty Shades of Gray? Fifty Shades of Vanilla amirite?!
Death Trap: It’s true what they say, only the good die young but assholes live forever … and survive like roaches in the apocalypse. Am I just supposed to ignore your antics, your misdeeds? Am I just supposed to forgive and forget because Brendan seems happy to see you? What blackmail do you have on that poor simp that he is willing to even LOOK at you? You are far more of a monster than Caffrey or MAJE-
Dr. Chaos: DON’T SAY THE NAME!
*DT waves her off and tosses his towel into the hamper at the exit of the room. He cracks his neck then leans in towards the camera, beckoning Chaos closer.*
Death Trap: Peter … you alone are responsible for your actions. You alone chose to be weak, pathetic, and easy to manipulate. You alone made the bed you laid in. And it is spitting in the face of the people you hurt to come back and try to claim redemption. You broke your husband, you nearly killed his friend. You stole from the fans of CAR, the place I now … begrudgingly … call home, one of their most beloved drivers. You took my glory from me. You drove your husband to come for MY tag team titles and then you took my rumble victory. I could not, in good faith, allow you to do what you were doing, even to Zoran Sainovic. Because unlike you, I … am a good man. I am a scion. I am a role model. And then you tried to kill me. Couldn’t bear to lose to me so you tried to assassinate me instead. Congrats! Even Armand and Paul Soutter had some subtlety and tact in trying to unalive me. But worst of all … you tried to take my wife from me.
*DT points to Mistress, who is nonplussed about this entire promo. This is all time they could be training TOGETHER. Chaos zooms out to show DT looking at his wife with adoration … and then zoom back in as he looks back into the camera as if staring into Fox’s soul, a malicious look we have not seen on DT in over a decade.*
Death Trap: Applause is required here folks! Everyone’s favorite hero, defeater of Legion, savior of LGBTKO, fucker upper of Icons, rumble winner, Bloodied Fox … managed to be a worse human being than the masochistic slavetrader, the murderous sexpot, and the homophobic despotic SWAT owner. How did you fucking manage to spin that one!? And worse … how did you manage to convince ANY of these fans to side with you again now? As if you changed, as if you didn’t show your true colors. And yes, this is personal to me, Peter Cain. I wasn’t … Abel … to stop you, to save you, to protect myself, to protect my loved ones. I will have my honor back. I will repay your mistreatment of us seven fold.
*DT stands up and runs his hand through his hair before turning his back on the camera to make a pained laugh.*
Death Trap: They say it is the inaction of good men that lets evil succeed. Lets it fester and grow. Well Fox, I am nothing if not a good man. And I REFUSE to sit back and do nothing while your evil emerges from remission and poisons the spirit of the XHF Network. I am bound by honor and duty to stand in front of you and finish our business. But I am done trying to save you, or redeem you. As far as I and my fans are concerned … you are irredeemable. And excising you will be my gift to the XHF Network. As they chant MY name, and stand in awe of ME. XHF Legend, the ONLY two time End of Days winner, and the new rumble winner and X*Crown champion. THREE TIME X*CROWN CHAMPION! At your expense. Like I said … we have unfinished business. You couldn’t kill me last time. You won’t get the shot to try again. There will be no more self sacrifice to save others who don’t matter. There is only me … and my wife … standing alone as the final two. A holy union to combat the unholy throngs. No Zoran and his army of invaders, no SEIRIOS, no Caffrey, no extra BANG BROS … nothing to compete with the unstoppable duo act of the greatest tag team champions in history.
*DT beams with pride as he turns back to the camera.*
Death Trap: They say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people he wasn’t real. I say the devil needs to spend less time stealing souls and fiddling in Georgia if he wants to put one over on me. I don’t know why he keeps spitting back the sick, dregs of the XHF back to this plane of existence … but I intend to send you all back. I may not be an angel … but that won’t stop me from playing God in this rumble.
*He sits back on the bench with a sick smirk to the camera*
Death Trap: I … am the redemption of the XHF. I am the righteous punishment coming your way. Trust and believe … I will not wither like Hyperion … I will not falter like Seth Dillinger … I will not be pushed aside again. I have waited twenty years to stand with that X*Crown title at the end of the rumble. I will wait … no … longer. You should have stayed dead, Fox. Because now? I have to bring this all full circle …
*DT throws his arms out in that signature pose, Mistress drapes her arms over his shoulders and leans her head next to his.*
Death Trap: The Scion of the XHF will deliver … with my partner by my side … we will end this little charade and expose you for what you are, and send you back to hell. Survey says?
Mistress Discipline: One more … for the good guys.
Death Trap: Fuck you Fox.
*Fade out*
