Post by Dave D-Flipz on Apr 20, 2024 21:09:47 GMT -5
*Death Trap is alone in the living room. He seems to be doing research on the rumble.*
Death Trap: Cross somehow cheated me of my X*Crown too, but… he isn’t in the rumble and I’d hardly call him a success. Clearly a fluke. Merric is a hack, probably in jail. Lord Dominicus is a nerd, no sense learning his “keys to success”. Marty is not the same without Disney, I don’t want to sell my soul to another corporate entity. Look what that did to Spike with his Mongo contract.
*DT shudders*
Death Trap: Dinosaur Bones is a fed. Why is he in this? How easy would it be to just topple him over the ropes? He has like … tiny T-Rex Arms. How successful is Psychotic Goth? … I could find a flowing black wig and toss it in a sexy way … I can roar in a modern Italian dialect … would Mistress find that hot? Ugh … I don’t know what to do next. I need to be completely prepared. I have to win this. I need my validation. I need my spotlight. All the fans depend on me. I hear how much they boo my enemies when they don’t lose to me quickly … Beyond Fox and Spike, and to a lesser extent Bones, Donzig, and Sawyer … who is ACTUALLY a threat to me? Especially with Mistress. We are the Top of the Class! We are unstoppable as a unit. But … who knows when we enter the rumble. We need to be ready to hold our own for a while. It’ll be 57 minutes before Spike hits the ring to close out the roster. Granted there are two dogs, a nerd bear, a fat ass, a drunk, a movie director, a small child, and a wannabe superhero in there so not the TOUGHEST crew.
*He sighs as he lays back onto the couch. He puts his laptop on the coffee table. He lets out a groan and rocks back up to his seated position and spins off the couch. He stubs his toe on the table.*
Funaki: Ow my elbow!
*The table is actually Funaki on his elbows and knees in full poodle costume with a slab of wood laid on top of his spine.*
Death Trap: Nobody asked for your opinion, fluffy table. I need this, Funaki. I have come SO CLOSE … three times. #2, #3, #6. I need to win this. I need to get my third title. I WILL seal my place in history. Nobody has done more than I have. I’m going to get a black wig and a book of ancient dialects.
*Mistress Discipline enters the living room from the other room. She sighs at hearing this remark and marches over to her beleaguered husband. She sits down on the coffee table.*
Funaki: AGH! Pins and needles! Weight limit! What’s my safe word, what’s my safe word!?
Mistress Discipline: Be silent, Fluffy Table. I need to speak with my husband. This was your idea.
*Mistress crosses one leg on top of the other and grabs Death Trap’s hands. She gets him to look in her eyes. He sits back down onto the couch. *
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, why are you doing this?
Death Trap: Honey, wrestling is all I know. Being in the spotlight is what I’ve always done. This rumble is like my great gray thinky whale. Everyone else who got this close eventually won. AND now it’s for the X*Crown. Spike has had the rumble. Fox has won the rumble. I have come so unbelievably close. It is all I can think about.
Mistress Discipline: No, you misunderstand. I know you want us to win the rumble. I understand that we need this X*Crown title. Why are you debasing yourself by imitating lesser men?
*DT drops his head in shame*
Death Trap: I mean, look at them having success. Fox and Spike have cheated death on several occasions, confirmed the existence of hell, proved that the safeguards to keep horrible people locked there are WOEFULLY lacking, and won the rumble AND the X*Crown because of it. Donzig has cheated death several times, though I’m convinced that the devil just doesn’t want the problems or the competition. He’s been a world champion and somehow keeps getting paid to appear all over the network. He’s clearly in demand, which is a close second to all the glory of winning!
*Mistress puts a hand to his chin and lifts his head to look into her eyes.*
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, honey, do not give them the attention. They do not deserve Your time, or your flattery. You give them too much credit by putting their names and mannerisms in your mouth. You do not need to copy success. You ARE a success. Others should be trying to imitate You.
*DT cocks an eyebrow and soaks in this lesson. He smirks and looks off to the side*
Death Trap: Yeah … yeah what the hell am I doing? No person without severe mercury or lead poisoning would think of Fox as a role model. Nobody that wasn’t severely brain damaged would look to Donzig as a rousing success. And nobody with a shred of human decency would think Spike was a better wrestler than ME. They should be the ones mimicking ME! Donzig should be out trying to be gracious, setting a good example. Spike should go dedicate some time to staffing a library. Fox should … well maybe he already does what we do in the bedro-
Mistress Discipline: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT! We do not need that mental image. Private times are private for a reason! The point I am trying to make is that You are the benchmark of success. Others need to be looking up to You. This rumble match is no different. We will stand strong in that ring, side by side, and dominate these other lesser wrestlers into submission!
Funaki: SAFE … WORD!
Mistress Discipline: Be silent.
*Funaki whimpers, his arms and legs start to shake with the strain. Mistress seems to settle down harder onto the table.*
Death Trap: It’s fine, he likes it. We have done so much together. This could be a turning point for how the future generations perceive our greatness. Writing our names into wrestling history. The best tag team, and the best rumble performance. True hall of fame worthy competitors. Nobody will remember Fox for his championships, he’s the guy who murdered a furry. Why isn’t HE getting arrested for a hate crime!
Mistress Discipline: Yes and Donzig will forever be the man who wished to be king, but his skills were as real as the Emperor’s New Clothes.
Death Trap: Spike will forever be the third most relevant Bang Bro! As if anything of worth ever came from the British and Irish wrestling scenes.
Mistress Discipline: Yes! This is the Death Trap I wish to see! Nobody else in that rumble is at our level. We are as out of reach to them as the naughty section is to elementary schoolers!
Funaki: How out of reach is my safe word?
Death Trap: Be silent, Fuudle Man!
Funaki: You’re lucky you employ me or I would-
*DT kicks the center of the table, AKA Funaki’s ribs. He shudders but doesn’t dare to fall over and drop DT’s lovely wife, for fear of her retaliation.*
Mistress Discipline: Now listen. This is a start. I am happy to see that you are beginning to understand Your worth. But there is more we need to change to our approach.
Death Trap: I don’t understand. Are you saying that I shouldn’t choke people out until they can’t fight back and hence are easy elimination fodder?
Mistress Discipline: No, that is still the proper strategy for our particular strengths. But you have been far too hesitant to take decisive action. You leave yourself open to retaliation and disappointment.
Death Trap: And how would you suggest I improve?
Funaki: By letting me up to use the restroom and get food?
Mistress Discipline: You knew the rules when we started this exercise.
Funaki: THEN WHAT IS MY SAFE-
Death Trap: BE SILENT! … It’s so hard to find good furniture these days.
*DT gives a dismissive gesture and leans back on the couch. Mistress swings her feet up and now has her full weight on the table (spine)*
Mistress Discipline: We have been playing too nice. It has become apparent that if You are to win this rumble, We will need to play by their rules. Remember when Fox dumped you out because you tried to save Zoran. Of all people, Zoran. And when Caffrey eliminated you because you wouldn’t play a little dirty?
Death Trap: I do recall feeling a little better when you kicked him in his “castanets”. But the fans rely on me. I am their paragon, their role model.
Mistress Discipline: And they can forgive you for that if they actually care. They can cheer with You when You win and stand tall with the X*Crown title. And if they do not support Your success, then they were not worthy of your care to begin with. True fans will respect your choices and understand that You know what is best for our success.
*DT rocks forward in his seat and looks a bit upset as he goes into memory recall mode.*
Death Trap: You know, I have been noticing some very rude fans lately. It’s almost like they support Fox over me. After all I’ve given, after all the work I put in, and all the pain I put myself through to make things better for the fans. I see people unironically liking Dylan Black, Zoran Sainovic, and Bloodied Fox.
Funaki: What about SWAT or Donzig?
Death Trap: OH no, no, nonono, not that bad. It’d be a cold day in hell. Like Donzig winning the X*Crown or Sawyer actually pleasing their nonexistent bondage God.
Mistress Discipline: Bondage God?
Death Trap: Long story. Sam Sawyer is basically an escaped mental patient. They want to be the favorite of some imaginary deity that told Poena it was wise to remove a woman’s tongue, pour boiling water in a guy’s ear, pop out a man’s eye, and try to kidnap Jack Diamond’s kid. Real sick shit and they want to be a part of it. Talk about losing all claim to any respect from reasonable people.
Mistress Discipline: The point is, this event calls for killer instinct. I do not want to come out of this with you being depressed again. I need you to be the man I married. I need to make another calendar with the title. I do not want to hear about this Goth roaring, I want my personal Panthera leo to roar with pride!
Death Trap: I understand. I need to tap into that primal-
Mistress Discipline: No no, no Primal.
*DT cock an eyebrow*
Death Trap: Uh sure, I need to tap into the fierce predator that I know I can be. I give up for no man. I need to be the epitome of excellence in the ring. We will stand tall at the end, the two of us side by side. And then-
Mistress Discipline: And then you can step over the ropes as I hoist my first X*Crown title!
*DT leaps up in ra ra power and throws his hands in the air*
Death Trap: YEAAAH- Wait … what? But … my … spotlight and glory. You wanted to build me up. I … can’t just … quit. I have given up exactly one time in the last … eighteen years? And that was extenuating circumstances! BUGS! I can’t just … give up, it’s not in my vocabulary! I replaced the give up emote with the “floss” emote!
*He actually whips out dental floss and sways back and forth while flossing his teeth*
Funaki: I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THAT IS SO WRONG! GET UP SO I CAN-
Mistress Discipline: FUNAKI!
Funaki: I know I know, be silent fluffy couch.
*Mistress’s eyes go wide and she leaps off him as DT quickly removes the tabletop.*
Mistress Discipline: Oh my, are you ok? That was a good run. You are improving.
Death Trap: You held out like a champ!
Funaki: … What? But why did … oh … safe … WHY WAS MY SAFE WORD CHANGED TO BE SILENT!?
Mistress Discipline: Is that REALLY your only question?
*DT sits in the personal gym at the Bowler Hat Basecamp. He smirks at the camera.*
Death Trap: Don’t you worry about us. We will worry about us. When we are the last two standing, the TRUE best person will win. The X*Crown will come home to the Bowler Hat Basecamp. I’m done playing nice. I’m done being the second fiddle. You all know I am capable of eliminating more people than anyone else. You all know I am capable of lasting longer in that rumble than anybody else. You all know I am capable of making it to the very end. And soon you will all know that I am capable of WINNING this event. Top of the Class will stand tall together, and I will raise high my third X*Crown champion. The CAR*Crown era of XHF Network is here. And I will personally make sure that Fox doesn’t win. I will personally make sure Donzig ends another event as a disappointment. I will personally enact my vengeance and correct the 2006 rumble finals. And anyone who gets in the way of Mistress Discipline or Death Trap … will suffer for their impudence. The spotlight is mine. The glory is ours. The title is MINE! I will no longer allow people to denigrate my wife as nothing more than my sidepiece. I will no longer allow those same people to turn around and call me the lesser of my team. We are the TOP of the Class. And DT will not be seen as the Bottom of ANYTHING!
Dr. Chaos: PHRASING! Also not what my mistress said…
Death Trap: YOU AREN’T EVEN WORKING OUT!
*Chaos sits down on the bench press bench … and sips a smoothie.*
Dr. Chaos: I don’t need to pump iron to work this body. But please, go on. Roar for me, lion!
*She cackles as DT sighs and walks out of the gym, and turns out the light, and closes the door … and blocks it with a chair.*
Dr. Chaos: Uh … hey … not cool! I CAN’T CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW AGAIN! I HAVE ZOO FLASHBACKS!
*Fade*
Death Trap: Cross somehow cheated me of my X*Crown too, but… he isn’t in the rumble and I’d hardly call him a success. Clearly a fluke. Merric is a hack, probably in jail. Lord Dominicus is a nerd, no sense learning his “keys to success”. Marty is not the same without Disney, I don’t want to sell my soul to another corporate entity. Look what that did to Spike with his Mongo contract.
*DT shudders*
Death Trap: Dinosaur Bones is a fed. Why is he in this? How easy would it be to just topple him over the ropes? He has like … tiny T-Rex Arms. How successful is Psychotic Goth? … I could find a flowing black wig and toss it in a sexy way … I can roar in a modern Italian dialect … would Mistress find that hot? Ugh … I don’t know what to do next. I need to be completely prepared. I have to win this. I need my validation. I need my spotlight. All the fans depend on me. I hear how much they boo my enemies when they don’t lose to me quickly … Beyond Fox and Spike, and to a lesser extent Bones, Donzig, and Sawyer … who is ACTUALLY a threat to me? Especially with Mistress. We are the Top of the Class! We are unstoppable as a unit. But … who knows when we enter the rumble. We need to be ready to hold our own for a while. It’ll be 57 minutes before Spike hits the ring to close out the roster. Granted there are two dogs, a nerd bear, a fat ass, a drunk, a movie director, a small child, and a wannabe superhero in there so not the TOUGHEST crew.
*He sighs as he lays back onto the couch. He puts his laptop on the coffee table. He lets out a groan and rocks back up to his seated position and spins off the couch. He stubs his toe on the table.*
Funaki: Ow my elbow!
*The table is actually Funaki on his elbows and knees in full poodle costume with a slab of wood laid on top of his spine.*
Death Trap: Nobody asked for your opinion, fluffy table. I need this, Funaki. I have come SO CLOSE … three times. #2, #3, #6. I need to win this. I need to get my third title. I WILL seal my place in history. Nobody has done more than I have. I’m going to get a black wig and a book of ancient dialects.
*Mistress Discipline enters the living room from the other room. She sighs at hearing this remark and marches over to her beleaguered husband. She sits down on the coffee table.*
Funaki: AGH! Pins and needles! Weight limit! What’s my safe word, what’s my safe word!?
Mistress Discipline: Be silent, Fluffy Table. I need to speak with my husband. This was your idea.
*Mistress crosses one leg on top of the other and grabs Death Trap’s hands. She gets him to look in her eyes. He sits back down onto the couch. *
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, why are you doing this?
Death Trap: Honey, wrestling is all I know. Being in the spotlight is what I’ve always done. This rumble is like my great gray thinky whale. Everyone else who got this close eventually won. AND now it’s for the X*Crown. Spike has had the rumble. Fox has won the rumble. I have come so unbelievably close. It is all I can think about.
Mistress Discipline: No, you misunderstand. I know you want us to win the rumble. I understand that we need this X*Crown title. Why are you debasing yourself by imitating lesser men?
*DT drops his head in shame*
Death Trap: I mean, look at them having success. Fox and Spike have cheated death on several occasions, confirmed the existence of hell, proved that the safeguards to keep horrible people locked there are WOEFULLY lacking, and won the rumble AND the X*Crown because of it. Donzig has cheated death several times, though I’m convinced that the devil just doesn’t want the problems or the competition. He’s been a world champion and somehow keeps getting paid to appear all over the network. He’s clearly in demand, which is a close second to all the glory of winning!
*Mistress puts a hand to his chin and lifts his head to look into her eyes.*
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, honey, do not give them the attention. They do not deserve Your time, or your flattery. You give them too much credit by putting their names and mannerisms in your mouth. You do not need to copy success. You ARE a success. Others should be trying to imitate You.
*DT cocks an eyebrow and soaks in this lesson. He smirks and looks off to the side*
Death Trap: Yeah … yeah what the hell am I doing? No person without severe mercury or lead poisoning would think of Fox as a role model. Nobody that wasn’t severely brain damaged would look to Donzig as a rousing success. And nobody with a shred of human decency would think Spike was a better wrestler than ME. They should be the ones mimicking ME! Donzig should be out trying to be gracious, setting a good example. Spike should go dedicate some time to staffing a library. Fox should … well maybe he already does what we do in the bedro-
Mistress Discipline: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT! We do not need that mental image. Private times are private for a reason! The point I am trying to make is that You are the benchmark of success. Others need to be looking up to You. This rumble match is no different. We will stand strong in that ring, side by side, and dominate these other lesser wrestlers into submission!
Funaki: SAFE … WORD!
Mistress Discipline: Be silent.
*Funaki whimpers, his arms and legs start to shake with the strain. Mistress seems to settle down harder onto the table.*
Death Trap: It’s fine, he likes it. We have done so much together. This could be a turning point for how the future generations perceive our greatness. Writing our names into wrestling history. The best tag team, and the best rumble performance. True hall of fame worthy competitors. Nobody will remember Fox for his championships, he’s the guy who murdered a furry. Why isn’t HE getting arrested for a hate crime!
Mistress Discipline: Yes and Donzig will forever be the man who wished to be king, but his skills were as real as the Emperor’s New Clothes.
Death Trap: Spike will forever be the third most relevant Bang Bro! As if anything of worth ever came from the British and Irish wrestling scenes.
Mistress Discipline: Yes! This is the Death Trap I wish to see! Nobody else in that rumble is at our level. We are as out of reach to them as the naughty section is to elementary schoolers!
Funaki: How out of reach is my safe word?
Death Trap: Be silent, Fuudle Man!
Funaki: You’re lucky you employ me or I would-
*DT kicks the center of the table, AKA Funaki’s ribs. He shudders but doesn’t dare to fall over and drop DT’s lovely wife, for fear of her retaliation.*
Mistress Discipline: Now listen. This is a start. I am happy to see that you are beginning to understand Your worth. But there is more we need to change to our approach.
Death Trap: I don’t understand. Are you saying that I shouldn’t choke people out until they can’t fight back and hence are easy elimination fodder?
Mistress Discipline: No, that is still the proper strategy for our particular strengths. But you have been far too hesitant to take decisive action. You leave yourself open to retaliation and disappointment.
Death Trap: And how would you suggest I improve?
Funaki: By letting me up to use the restroom and get food?
Mistress Discipline: You knew the rules when we started this exercise.
Funaki: THEN WHAT IS MY SAFE-
Death Trap: BE SILENT! … It’s so hard to find good furniture these days.
*DT gives a dismissive gesture and leans back on the couch. Mistress swings her feet up and now has her full weight on the table (spine)*
Mistress Discipline: We have been playing too nice. It has become apparent that if You are to win this rumble, We will need to play by their rules. Remember when Fox dumped you out because you tried to save Zoran. Of all people, Zoran. And when Caffrey eliminated you because you wouldn’t play a little dirty?
Death Trap: I do recall feeling a little better when you kicked him in his “castanets”. But the fans rely on me. I am their paragon, their role model.
Mistress Discipline: And they can forgive you for that if they actually care. They can cheer with You when You win and stand tall with the X*Crown title. And if they do not support Your success, then they were not worthy of your care to begin with. True fans will respect your choices and understand that You know what is best for our success.
*DT rocks forward in his seat and looks a bit upset as he goes into memory recall mode.*
Death Trap: You know, I have been noticing some very rude fans lately. It’s almost like they support Fox over me. After all I’ve given, after all the work I put in, and all the pain I put myself through to make things better for the fans. I see people unironically liking Dylan Black, Zoran Sainovic, and Bloodied Fox.
Funaki: What about SWAT or Donzig?
Death Trap: OH no, no, nonono, not that bad. It’d be a cold day in hell. Like Donzig winning the X*Crown or Sawyer actually pleasing their nonexistent bondage God.
Mistress Discipline: Bondage God?
Death Trap: Long story. Sam Sawyer is basically an escaped mental patient. They want to be the favorite of some imaginary deity that told Poena it was wise to remove a woman’s tongue, pour boiling water in a guy’s ear, pop out a man’s eye, and try to kidnap Jack Diamond’s kid. Real sick shit and they want to be a part of it. Talk about losing all claim to any respect from reasonable people.
Mistress Discipline: The point is, this event calls for killer instinct. I do not want to come out of this with you being depressed again. I need you to be the man I married. I need to make another calendar with the title. I do not want to hear about this Goth roaring, I want my personal Panthera leo to roar with pride!
Death Trap: I understand. I need to tap into that primal-
Mistress Discipline: No no, no Primal.
*DT cock an eyebrow*
Death Trap: Uh sure, I need to tap into the fierce predator that I know I can be. I give up for no man. I need to be the epitome of excellence in the ring. We will stand tall at the end, the two of us side by side. And then-
Mistress Discipline: And then you can step over the ropes as I hoist my first X*Crown title!
*DT leaps up in ra ra power and throws his hands in the air*
Death Trap: YEAAAH- Wait … what? But … my … spotlight and glory. You wanted to build me up. I … can’t just … quit. I have given up exactly one time in the last … eighteen years? And that was extenuating circumstances! BUGS! I can’t just … give up, it’s not in my vocabulary! I replaced the give up emote with the “floss” emote!
*He actually whips out dental floss and sways back and forth while flossing his teeth*
Funaki: I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THAT IS SO WRONG! GET UP SO I CAN-
Mistress Discipline: FUNAKI!
Funaki: I know I know, be silent fluffy couch.
*Mistress’s eyes go wide and she leaps off him as DT quickly removes the tabletop.*
Mistress Discipline: Oh my, are you ok? That was a good run. You are improving.
Death Trap: You held out like a champ!
Funaki: … What? But why did … oh … safe … WHY WAS MY SAFE WORD CHANGED TO BE SILENT!?
Mistress Discipline: Is that REALLY your only question?
*DT sits in the personal gym at the Bowler Hat Basecamp. He smirks at the camera.*
Death Trap: Don’t you worry about us. We will worry about us. When we are the last two standing, the TRUE best person will win. The X*Crown will come home to the Bowler Hat Basecamp. I’m done playing nice. I’m done being the second fiddle. You all know I am capable of eliminating more people than anyone else. You all know I am capable of lasting longer in that rumble than anybody else. You all know I am capable of making it to the very end. And soon you will all know that I am capable of WINNING this event. Top of the Class will stand tall together, and I will raise high my third X*Crown champion. The CAR*Crown era of XHF Network is here. And I will personally make sure that Fox doesn’t win. I will personally make sure Donzig ends another event as a disappointment. I will personally enact my vengeance and correct the 2006 rumble finals. And anyone who gets in the way of Mistress Discipline or Death Trap … will suffer for their impudence. The spotlight is mine. The glory is ours. The title is MINE! I will no longer allow people to denigrate my wife as nothing more than my sidepiece. I will no longer allow those same people to turn around and call me the lesser of my team. We are the TOP of the Class. And DT will not be seen as the Bottom of ANYTHING!
Dr. Chaos: PHRASING! Also not what my mistress said…
Death Trap: YOU AREN’T EVEN WORKING OUT!
*Chaos sits down on the bench press bench … and sips a smoothie.*
Dr. Chaos: I don’t need to pump iron to work this body. But please, go on. Roar for me, lion!
*She cackles as DT sighs and walks out of the gym, and turns out the light, and closes the door … and blocks it with a chair.*
Dr. Chaos: Uh … hey … not cool! I CAN’T CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW AGAIN! I HAVE ZOO FLASHBACKS!
*Fade*
