I don't really have a name for this
Apr 24, 2024 0:16:09 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and Kasper Van Zant like this
Post by The Dunne Deal on Apr 24, 2024 0:16:09 GMT -5
Before diving in, I want to express my gratitude to this hobby and its community, which have been incredibly enriching for me over the past five years, and I hope this journey continues indefinitely. It's almost comical how time flies—I've lost track of exactly how long I've been immersed in this world. Being part of this network has become so ingrained that I've forgotten the timeline of my involvement. However, lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed, perhaps due to the mounting pressures in my life. It's as if I'm running in circles, struggling to find my footing.
I want to clarify that my frustrations aren't aimed at any specific entity. Winning has never been my primary focus; instead, I've always prioritized finding joy in what I do. Whether it's achieving a title or simply immersing myself in creative outlets like YouTube and Twitch, these platforms have been essential for expressing my thoughts and emotions. They've served as escapes from reality, outlets I still rely on.
Physically, I'm holding up, despite the occasional bumps and bruises. Mentally, though, I'm struggling. Let me recount some of the events that have shaped these past years. Nearly five years ago, I suffered the loss of my grandmother, a deeply painful experience. It wasn't just about losing a grandparent; it was about the unique bond we shared. She had always made it clear that I was her favorite among her grandchildren, a sentiment that, while heartwarming, now adds to the pain of her absence.
Reflecting on my childhood brings its own set of challenges. Growing up in a tumultuous environment, bouncing between my parents' home and my godparents', was emotionally taxing. My birth parents weren't the most nurturing, dealing with addiction issues that overshadowed our family life. I became a bargaining chip, used to secure funds for basic necessities. Choosing to move away from that environment was liberating, yet it didn't erase the scars.
The pandemic added another layer of hardship, leading to job loss and financial struggles. While others seemed to seamlessly access unemployment benefits, I had to fight tooth and nail for what was rightfully mine. Re-entering the workforce only intensified the strain, sacrificing precious time with my child for long workdays that left me drained.
Transitioning to a new job brought its own challenges, including a rigid point system that penalized me for circumstances beyond my control, like a car accident my wife blames herself for. It's a cruel cycle—needing a job for essential benefits like health insurance but risking everything with every point gained.<iframe id="_pericles_content_iframe" style="position: absolute; top: -99px; left: 0px; width: 50px; height: 26px; background: transparent; overflow: visible; margin-top: -30px; transition: top 2s ease-in-out 0s; z-index: 2147483647; border: none; padding: 0px;"></iframe>
I want to clarify that my frustrations aren't aimed at any specific entity. Winning has never been my primary focus; instead, I've always prioritized finding joy in what I do. Whether it's achieving a title or simply immersing myself in creative outlets like YouTube and Twitch, these platforms have been essential for expressing my thoughts and emotions. They've served as escapes from reality, outlets I still rely on.
Physically, I'm holding up, despite the occasional bumps and bruises. Mentally, though, I'm struggling. Let me recount some of the events that have shaped these past years. Nearly five years ago, I suffered the loss of my grandmother, a deeply painful experience. It wasn't just about losing a grandparent; it was about the unique bond we shared. She had always made it clear that I was her favorite among her grandchildren, a sentiment that, while heartwarming, now adds to the pain of her absence.
Reflecting on my childhood brings its own set of challenges. Growing up in a tumultuous environment, bouncing between my parents' home and my godparents', was emotionally taxing. My birth parents weren't the most nurturing, dealing with addiction issues that overshadowed our family life. I became a bargaining chip, used to secure funds for basic necessities. Choosing to move away from that environment was liberating, yet it didn't erase the scars.
The pandemic added another layer of hardship, leading to job loss and financial struggles. While others seemed to seamlessly access unemployment benefits, I had to fight tooth and nail for what was rightfully mine. Re-entering the workforce only intensified the strain, sacrificing precious time with my child for long workdays that left me drained.
Transitioning to a new job brought its own challenges, including a rigid point system that penalized me for circumstances beyond my control, like a car accident my wife blames herself for. It's a cruel cycle—needing a job for essential benefits like health insurance but risking everything with every point gained.<iframe id="_pericles_content_iframe" style="position: absolute; top: -99px; left: 0px; width: 50px; height: 26px; background: transparent; overflow: visible; margin-top: -30px; transition: top 2s ease-in-out 0s; z-index: 2147483647; border: none; padding: 0px;"></iframe>