Post by Mongo the Destroyer on May 1, 2024 5:53:59 GMT -5
*We fade in as the camera pans across photos and documents- they’re connected by strings and pushpins. As we make our way across what appears to be a madman’s conspiracy wall we find a figure OF DARKNESS hunched over checking his notes one last time.*
LD: I knew it…
*He lightly presses his fist onto the final piece of his puzzle and nods to himself. Lord Dominicus, the DARK LORD OF WUK then makes his way to a table and chair that’s been set up in the room. He carefully sits down and poses in a way that tries to scream “no really I’m not crazy” like an overly friendly neighbor. It’s time to reveal all to the world.*
LD: There have been a lot of questions lately about why I’ve acted the way I have. After all, if I’m only here part of the time then what right do I have to insert myself into the title picture, right? Well there’s two answers to that question.
*A single finger is held up.*
LD: One, it’s owed me. I already have been promised multiple favors in this company and it is within my rights to claim a title shot whenever I want- I just held off.
*His second finger goes off.*
LD: Two, I agree with the nay-sayers. Me being here some of the time but also being in the title picture doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t help build up the company any more than Florida Man or Kalmin Watts being champion. But I had to this time. Why? Two words…
*The fingers remain up since the number is the same.*
LD: Psychotic Goth.
*He stares into the camera coldly.*
LD: You see, I left the fertile VANTABLACK fields of CAR to come here because I had some bones to pick. Unfortunately, most of those bones ended up quitting so I was stuck here with the new era of WUK. Oh and Psychotic Goth.
*His hands go down as he returns to his original position.*
LD: You see Psychotic Goth’s sins aren’t the sins of others. He wasn’t unable to adjust to the times, he is a loyal member of the roster, and he’s not even particularly troublesome in the ring. In fact I used to respect him.
*He sighs.*
LD: Then came 2021. At SWAT Battleground 36- Texas Turmoil something unexpected happened. Psychotic Goth won the SWAT World Championship.
*A quick shrug follows.*
LD: So? What does that matter? I’ll tell you. Because that night was the beginning of a dark period of the XHF Network. SWAT gladly gave Psychotic Goth a newly made title to celebrate. Everything seemed fine and dandy. And yet, by the end of the year…SWAT? Gone. NPW? Gone. The XHF Network? Much leaner than at the start, something it’s never fully recovered from.
*The BLACKEST OF BLACKS holds up his hands defensively.*
LD: But surely I can’t put all of this on Goth, right? No of course not. But it was the first in a series of dominos.
*He gets up and walks to the wall, ripping off a picture and slamming it to the table.*
LD: JUNE FIRST- Battleground 39, “Off the Hook”- Goth is defeated by future deserter, Eddie D!
*Another picture is slammed down.*
LD: JULY FOURTH- AWF holds their last show. After years of being the backbone of the XHF Network, it finally spun to a grind. Who was in AWF sometimes? Oh yeah, Psychotic Goth.
*Violently Dominicus throws another picture onto the table.*
LD: ALSO July! NPW made the stupid mistake of sending D to Night of Champions instead of somebody worth anything like YOURS TRULY- almost certainly guaranteeing their loss. Yet somehow NPW’s owner felt justified to be pissed after the serial ball-dropper dropped the ball. This lead to…
*Yet another photo meets the table with a slam.*
LD: SEPTEMBER- NPW and SWAT leave the Network because even with the AWF gone they still can’t cut mustard in Global Events with their cancel culture-fearing representatives and instead form their own Network with sexism and veiled bigotry. WHO GOES WITH THEM!?
*Lord Dominicus runs to his wall of insanity and points at one man.*
LD: PSYCHOTIC GOTH!
*Now whipped into a partial frenzy he spins back to the table, slamming both fists onto it. He then clears away the year that will someday be an episode of Dark Side of the Ring. He points to the camera.*
LD: You want to know why I am entering myself into the Wrestle: United Kingdom Heavyweight Champion match at Dominion!? For the same reason I’ve done everything here- BECAUSE I AM YOUR VANTABLACK-WINGED ANGEL!
*He tries to calm himself down.*
LD: Psychotic Goth has somehow stumbled his way into a Heavyweight Championship opportunity and I’ve already seen the horror that comes from such an opportunity. For the same reason I got in the way of the HardKore guests getting the title now I’m making sure that Goth doesn’t damage W:UK and the XHF Network anymore than he already has.
*Dominicus returns to his seat, still trying to settle himself.*
LD: And the best part about it? It’s a ladder match. While TweedleVanZant and TweedleMatsui try to somehow get disqualified or counted out again I just have to wait until Psychotic Goth gets to the end of one of his cycles and takes a moment to throw back his hair. While that’s going on I can just walk up the ladder and DOMINISAVE THE COMPANY.
*He finger-walks his fingers up an invisible ladder.*
LD: And as an added bonus I get to become the Heavyweight Champion. See, Crane, it pays to do good deeds!
*Awkward silence.*
LD: I’m winking right now.
*Fade out.*
LD: I knew it…
*He lightly presses his fist onto the final piece of his puzzle and nods to himself. Lord Dominicus, the DARK LORD OF WUK then makes his way to a table and chair that’s been set up in the room. He carefully sits down and poses in a way that tries to scream “no really I’m not crazy” like an overly friendly neighbor. It’s time to reveal all to the world.*
LD: There have been a lot of questions lately about why I’ve acted the way I have. After all, if I’m only here part of the time then what right do I have to insert myself into the title picture, right? Well there’s two answers to that question.
*A single finger is held up.*
LD: One, it’s owed me. I already have been promised multiple favors in this company and it is within my rights to claim a title shot whenever I want- I just held off.
*His second finger goes off.*
LD: Two, I agree with the nay-sayers. Me being here some of the time but also being in the title picture doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t help build up the company any more than Florida Man or Kalmin Watts being champion. But I had to this time. Why? Two words…
*The fingers remain up since the number is the same.*
LD: Psychotic Goth.
*He stares into the camera coldly.*
LD: You see, I left the fertile VANTABLACK fields of CAR to come here because I had some bones to pick. Unfortunately, most of those bones ended up quitting so I was stuck here with the new era of WUK. Oh and Psychotic Goth.
*His hands go down as he returns to his original position.*
LD: You see Psychotic Goth’s sins aren’t the sins of others. He wasn’t unable to adjust to the times, he is a loyal member of the roster, and he’s not even particularly troublesome in the ring. In fact I used to respect him.
*He sighs.*
LD: Then came 2021. At SWAT Battleground 36- Texas Turmoil something unexpected happened. Psychotic Goth won the SWAT World Championship.
*A quick shrug follows.*
LD: So? What does that matter? I’ll tell you. Because that night was the beginning of a dark period of the XHF Network. SWAT gladly gave Psychotic Goth a newly made title to celebrate. Everything seemed fine and dandy. And yet, by the end of the year…SWAT? Gone. NPW? Gone. The XHF Network? Much leaner than at the start, something it’s never fully recovered from.
*The BLACKEST OF BLACKS holds up his hands defensively.*
LD: But surely I can’t put all of this on Goth, right? No of course not. But it was the first in a series of dominos.
*He gets up and walks to the wall, ripping off a picture and slamming it to the table.*
LD: JUNE FIRST- Battleground 39, “Off the Hook”- Goth is defeated by future deserter, Eddie D!
*Another picture is slammed down.*
LD: JULY FOURTH- AWF holds their last show. After years of being the backbone of the XHF Network, it finally spun to a grind. Who was in AWF sometimes? Oh yeah, Psychotic Goth.
*Violently Dominicus throws another picture onto the table.*
LD: ALSO July! NPW made the stupid mistake of sending D to Night of Champions instead of somebody worth anything like YOURS TRULY- almost certainly guaranteeing their loss. Yet somehow NPW’s owner felt justified to be pissed after the serial ball-dropper dropped the ball. This lead to…
*Yet another photo meets the table with a slam.*
LD: SEPTEMBER- NPW and SWAT leave the Network because even with the AWF gone they still can’t cut mustard in Global Events with their cancel culture-fearing representatives and instead form their own Network with sexism and veiled bigotry. WHO GOES WITH THEM!?
*Lord Dominicus runs to his wall of insanity and points at one man.*
LD: PSYCHOTIC GOTH!
*Now whipped into a partial frenzy he spins back to the table, slamming both fists onto it. He then clears away the year that will someday be an episode of Dark Side of the Ring. He points to the camera.*
LD: You want to know why I am entering myself into the Wrestle: United Kingdom Heavyweight Champion match at Dominion!? For the same reason I’ve done everything here- BECAUSE I AM YOUR VANTABLACK-WINGED ANGEL!
*He tries to calm himself down.*
LD: Psychotic Goth has somehow stumbled his way into a Heavyweight Championship opportunity and I’ve already seen the horror that comes from such an opportunity. For the same reason I got in the way of the HardKore guests getting the title now I’m making sure that Goth doesn’t damage W:UK and the XHF Network anymore than he already has.
*Dominicus returns to his seat, still trying to settle himself.*
LD: And the best part about it? It’s a ladder match. While TweedleVanZant and TweedleMatsui try to somehow get disqualified or counted out again I just have to wait until Psychotic Goth gets to the end of one of his cycles and takes a moment to throw back his hair. While that’s going on I can just walk up the ladder and DOMINISAVE THE COMPANY.
*He finger-walks his fingers up an invisible ladder.*
LD: And as an added bonus I get to become the Heavyweight Champion. See, Crane, it pays to do good deeds!
*Awkward silence.*
LD: I’m winking right now.
*Fade out.*
