Post by Old Line Jeff on May 7, 2024 1:52:18 GMT -5
Daeriq Damien had seen what was going on in the Barn before, so he had a pretty good idea what he was about to walk into. But all the Brothers Gluck knew was that their middle sister was taking pro wrestling lessons from some chick named Heidi Christenson who was purportedly an amazing wrestler herself at one time. Cherie was not forthcoming with details.
So when they walked into the barn and saw a good dozen young women in peak athletic condition in simple black training gear and glistening with sweat, Carlton froze in place. Chapps, not so much. He noticed something else.
Jeff Andrews, Ronnie Long and Cole Christenson were all sitting on metal folding chairs watching the goings on in the ring. And more importantly, they had a 36 pack of Yuengling open.
Probably the Yuengling was Jeff’s choice, he was the kind who’d totally get on board with the Bud Light boycott.
When he saw the three men approaching, he threw a beer towards Damien.
“So Jeff, I don’t know how closely you’ve been following the Glucks in W:UK so far, so here’s the long and short of it. They were pretty much unstoppable until they ran into these guys called the Oblivion Death Squad. I mean they did technically lose to The Bastards before that, but, well…”
A.
Lengthy.
Pointed.
Awkward.
Silence.
Ensues.
No.
Like.
Really.
Long.
And.
Awkwarder.
Than.
That.
Jeff Andrews took a deep breath, and then a drink of beer.
“Yep.”
Ronnie Long then took a drink and said “Yep.”
“Mmmhm.” Cole was almost too lazy to agree, but managed it, and then took a drink.
“Anyway, they lost to the Death Squad twice. And Rage and Cage once. Then they were in a War Games, and Chapps lost for the team. But aside from Rage and Cage, all those losses were while they were with the High Rollers Club. Then they quit the High Rollers and Chapps won a War Games against them for his team. However, Donzig believes that the Glucks are choke artists.”
“Donzig talks for the Oblivion Death Squad?”
“Well, they only speak Albanian. And usually this spooky redhead named Sinclair Godfrey does the talking for them, but it’s been Donzig this time.”
Jeff Andrews nodded. “Donzig is on my… supervisor’s… radar.” He spoke slowly, carefully choosing his words. “And I’m aware that he’s been escalating, and the Oblivion Death Squad’s recent success is a symptom. But his wars and the one we’re fighting are unrelated. Just, thanks to the Glucks and the Oblivion Death Squad, they’re in uncomfortably close proximity. I don’t fear war - I genuinely hope I die fighting. But as slim as the chances of an alliance between Donzig and Queen of Sorrow are, the consequences for people who still care aren’t something I’d wish to inflict on them. That being said, just because Donzig is dangerous, doesn’t mean he’s smart.”
He turned to the Glucks.
“There ain’t much I can teach you boys, and you sure as hell don’t need me to talk for you. Just get on camera and tell Donzig he’s all stupid-like."
The Brothers Gluck in front of a wall of unfinished boards.
“Choke artists?”
As usual when they’re together, Carlton takes the lead in talking.
“Everything the Glucks have been through, every time we’ve had to fight the wrong people, or the right people at the wrong time, and what y’all come up with is choke artists?”
“DONZIG! Ah already didn’t like you!”
Chapps’ gap toothed face snarls at the camera.
“Ah ain’t forgot about you ruinin’ my monster moment in that there battle royal that one time. But Ah coulda looked past it. Ah knew Ah was just a piece in a game an’ you was the Uno reverse card. But Ah didn’t forget. An after all this time you’re gonna put your mouth in the line of fire? Boy Ah don’t know if Ah’m okay with that. Ah’ve met lots of angry supernatural dudes, hell Ah played one just a couple months back, but Ah tell you what - your mouth makes me uncomfortable.”
“Me too. He’s always purrin’ an’ hissin’, he cain’t talk normal - hay catboy lemme show you how you sound.”
Carlton gets his face up close to the camera and ‘purrs.’ It sounds somewhere between a rusty engine and a male porn star who thinks he’s the costar and won’t quit growling.
“Choke fuckin’ artists. The only chokin’ the Glucks have been doin lately was Chapps busting out a choke to put Nicolas Cage on the shelf. Now as Ah see it, with that one victory, Chapps avenged two of our losses. Avenged, Don, cos it’s all cause and effect. Bein’ High Rollers makes us miserable and we lose a War Games. We don’t take Ragencage seriously so they upset us. Then we get our heads on straight and roll ‘em the fuck over. So that just leaves the Oblivion Suck Squad. And this is gonna offend you, but Squad? Someone tell them boys that to us, back then, y’all were just like Ragencage. Just pawns who did nothin’ in particular while Catboy Donzig said the same stuff he always does and huffed the fumes from his litterbox. Ah understand cats can’t fart so Ah guess that’s the best he’s got.”
“HE SHITS IN THE GRAVEL!”
“But he done woke up and took the Oblivion Butt Squad to the titles. And Ah know they thinkin’ it’ll be easy cos they beat us before, but here’s the thing.”
“This time we ain’t lookin at y’all as pawns. This time, y’all the end-of-disc boss.”
“See, that’s the thang that fucked y’all.”
The Glucks step back, now looming overhead and looking down at the camera.
“Y’all gave us a reason to care.”
So when they walked into the barn and saw a good dozen young women in peak athletic condition in simple black training gear and glistening with sweat, Carlton froze in place. Chapps, not so much. He noticed something else.
Jeff Andrews, Ronnie Long and Cole Christenson were all sitting on metal folding chairs watching the goings on in the ring. And more importantly, they had a 36 pack of Yuengling open.
Probably the Yuengling was Jeff’s choice, he was the kind who’d totally get on board with the Bud Light boycott.
When he saw the three men approaching, he threw a beer towards Damien.
“So Jeff, I don’t know how closely you’ve been following the Glucks in W:UK so far, so here’s the long and short of it. They were pretty much unstoppable until they ran into these guys called the Oblivion Death Squad. I mean they did technically lose to The Bastards before that, but, well…”
A.
Lengthy.
Pointed.
Awkward.
Silence.
Ensues.
No.
Like.
Really.
Long.
And.
Awkwarder.
Than.
That.
Jeff Andrews took a deep breath, and then a drink of beer.
“Yep.”
Ronnie Long then took a drink and said “Yep.”
“Mmmhm.” Cole was almost too lazy to agree, but managed it, and then took a drink.
“Anyway, they lost to the Death Squad twice. And Rage and Cage once. Then they were in a War Games, and Chapps lost for the team. But aside from Rage and Cage, all those losses were while they were with the High Rollers Club. Then they quit the High Rollers and Chapps won a War Games against them for his team. However, Donzig believes that the Glucks are choke artists.”
“Donzig talks for the Oblivion Death Squad?”
“Well, they only speak Albanian. And usually this spooky redhead named Sinclair Godfrey does the talking for them, but it’s been Donzig this time.”
Jeff Andrews nodded. “Donzig is on my… supervisor’s… radar.” He spoke slowly, carefully choosing his words. “And I’m aware that he’s been escalating, and the Oblivion Death Squad’s recent success is a symptom. But his wars and the one we’re fighting are unrelated. Just, thanks to the Glucks and the Oblivion Death Squad, they’re in uncomfortably close proximity. I don’t fear war - I genuinely hope I die fighting. But as slim as the chances of an alliance between Donzig and Queen of Sorrow are, the consequences for people who still care aren’t something I’d wish to inflict on them. That being said, just because Donzig is dangerous, doesn’t mean he’s smart.”
He turned to the Glucks.
“There ain’t much I can teach you boys, and you sure as hell don’t need me to talk for you. Just get on camera and tell Donzig he’s all stupid-like."
The Brothers Gluck in front of a wall of unfinished boards.
“Choke artists?”
As usual when they’re together, Carlton takes the lead in talking.
“Everything the Glucks have been through, every time we’ve had to fight the wrong people, or the right people at the wrong time, and what y’all come up with is choke artists?”
“DONZIG! Ah already didn’t like you!”
Chapps’ gap toothed face snarls at the camera.
“Ah ain’t forgot about you ruinin’ my monster moment in that there battle royal that one time. But Ah coulda looked past it. Ah knew Ah was just a piece in a game an’ you was the Uno reverse card. But Ah didn’t forget. An after all this time you’re gonna put your mouth in the line of fire? Boy Ah don’t know if Ah’m okay with that. Ah’ve met lots of angry supernatural dudes, hell Ah played one just a couple months back, but Ah tell you what - your mouth makes me uncomfortable.”
“Me too. He’s always purrin’ an’ hissin’, he cain’t talk normal - hay catboy lemme show you how you sound.”
Carlton gets his face up close to the camera and ‘purrs.’ It sounds somewhere between a rusty engine and a male porn star who thinks he’s the costar and won’t quit growling.
“Choke fuckin’ artists. The only chokin’ the Glucks have been doin lately was Chapps busting out a choke to put Nicolas Cage on the shelf. Now as Ah see it, with that one victory, Chapps avenged two of our losses. Avenged, Don, cos it’s all cause and effect. Bein’ High Rollers makes us miserable and we lose a War Games. We don’t take Ragencage seriously so they upset us. Then we get our heads on straight and roll ‘em the fuck over. So that just leaves the Oblivion Suck Squad. And this is gonna offend you, but Squad? Someone tell them boys that to us, back then, y’all were just like Ragencage. Just pawns who did nothin’ in particular while Catboy Donzig said the same stuff he always does and huffed the fumes from his litterbox. Ah understand cats can’t fart so Ah guess that’s the best he’s got.”
“HE SHITS IN THE GRAVEL!”
“But he done woke up and took the Oblivion Butt Squad to the titles. And Ah know they thinkin’ it’ll be easy cos they beat us before, but here’s the thing.”
“This time we ain’t lookin at y’all as pawns. This time, y’all the end-of-disc boss.”
“See, that’s the thang that fucked y’all.”
The Glucks step back, now looming overhead and looking down at the camera.
“Y’all gave us a reason to care.”