Stop Me If You've Heard This One...
May 15, 2024 4:03:43 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604 and bloodiedfox like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on May 15, 2024 4:03:43 GMT -5
*We open on the sounds of Psychotic Goth’s most recent promo. You know the drill, grunting, hammering, laughing, roaring. Watching this is Lord Dominicus as he enjoys a soda and a candy cigarette, as one does.*
LD: Man, the XHF Network sure does play this promo a lot. I like that they play classic stuff during the breaks but I’ve seen Goth make a tool for a wrestler about a hundred times. What about this promo make-
*The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK does a spit take as he points to the TV.*
LD: THAT’S MY NAME!
*After letting that set in a few moments Dominicus puts down the props and takes the remote. He turns off the television.*
LD: Yeah I don’t actually need to finish watching that. Not because Goth has done more or less the same promo a hundred times- though he has- but because I already watched it. That little opening was just for dramatic effect.
*He puts the remote down and gets more comfortable.*
LD: But really, I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen this just a ton of times. Look, Psychotic Goth, you gotta get a new producer. Sure the guy is good at getting the right angles but whoever directs your stuff only knows about three or four scenarios. And this one?
*There’s a DominiPoint towards the television.*
LD: That one isn’t even very good. You hammer away on an object that’s never fully revealed. You promise to give it to the guy. Nine times out of ten you don’t give it to them because you must have forgot it at home or left it under the ring or tried to use it as a weapon and then…
*He shrugs.*
LD: …What? That’s it. Oh yeah Gothy, I’m really shaking in my boots to see what kind of warped creation you made that I’ll never actually see. Real scary.
*DominiSpooky fingers.*
LD: If you’re actually excited about this match, as you claim to be, then go out for it. Let’s get your Discovery Channel episode where you walk around…
*He leans down to pick up the flyer for Legacy 25. After looking, he kind of cocks his head back in surprise.*
LD: …Las…Vegas- not even close to the United Kingdom but that’s nothing new I suppose.
*A DominiHeadshake follows as he gets back on track.*
LD: But yeah, give me the good promo where you take a walk around the local area- in this case Las Vegas- and tie in the history to our match as you bellow in the local ancient dialect, which would likely belong to the Southern Paiute, and then maybe your equivalent of Lady Evil can show up as you show us around. SEE PSYCHOTIC GOTH, I’M DOING YOUR HOMEWORK FOR YOU! That’s how tired I am of seeing the “Goth working in his smithing shop” promo.
*Lord Dominicus takes a moment to center himself as he holds up a hand letting you know you should wait a moment. He lets out a breath.*
LD: My apologies, I’m just a little frazzled at the repetition of it all. And I don’t just mean that I could set my watch to a Psychotic Goth promo- that’s really basic- no it’s because this whole setup seems real familiar. Did I not literally just fight you for the title?
*He DominiThinks a momen.*
LD: Oh yes, yes I did, I absolutely did. And I would have won too if Lady Evil hadn’t chosen that moment to bring our evil partnership to a close before I got the chance to. Oh and also if the evil mask I gave to Kasper didn’t happen to also empower her once again so that she can once again say she did it herself and give me no credit.
*Again the DARKEST OF ALL BLACKS tries to settle down; big breaths through the nose.*
LD: Not that any of that actually bothers me because if you weren’t paying attention the last two Wrestle United Wherever I Guess Heavyweight Championship matches I’ve been in I actually succeeded in my goal. I went in to stop interlopers and Goths from being champ and badda-bing badda-boom those things didn’t happen. But now?
*He picks up the remote and waves it idly.*
LD: Now apparently the people up top decided they like reruns because you’ve somehow stumbled into another number one contender’s match and the powers-that-be want me to once again defend the company against you. So we’re just literally dialing it back to our last match but minus Van Zant, Matsui, and a ladder. Great, wonderful, I’m sure everyone’s real excited for it.
*Stop, pause, think a moment.*
LD: Well actually you seem excited for it. And the fans are probably more than happy to watch as I step on you once again on my way to the top. Sure, it’s a better story than “Evil Lord Inserts Himself into Gimmick Match and Walks Away Champ.” I mean after all, now the fans get to watch me break a king’s heart and then potentially crush a girl’s dreams as I get revenge for betrayal and finally take my place at the head and Unite this Kingdom under my EVIL AUTHORITY!
*He stops again to catch that last part.*
LD: Ooooooh, maybe that’s what the UK in WUK is for…
*Dominicus shakes it off.*
LD: Anyway, you guys want to watch me beat the tar out of Psychotic Goth as he makes sure to hit his moves in the correct order to fulfill some dark contract or his OCD? The point is, sure. I’ll see you in Las Vegas, Goth, and your bended knee will make a fine stepping stone to me facing either the Betrayer Van Zant or DoppelDonzig- which honestly are both money matches. But please, put some effort into your promos.
*He points the remote at the camera, click.*
LD: Man, the XHF Network sure does play this promo a lot. I like that they play classic stuff during the breaks but I’ve seen Goth make a tool for a wrestler about a hundred times. What about this promo make-
“…So Lord Dominicus-“
*The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK does a spit take as he points to the TV.*
LD: THAT’S MY NAME!
*After letting that set in a few moments Dominicus puts down the props and takes the remote. He turns off the television.*
LD: Yeah I don’t actually need to finish watching that. Not because Goth has done more or less the same promo a hundred times- though he has- but because I already watched it. That little opening was just for dramatic effect.
*He puts the remote down and gets more comfortable.*
LD: But really, I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen this just a ton of times. Look, Psychotic Goth, you gotta get a new producer. Sure the guy is good at getting the right angles but whoever directs your stuff only knows about three or four scenarios. And this one?
*There’s a DominiPoint towards the television.*
LD: That one isn’t even very good. You hammer away on an object that’s never fully revealed. You promise to give it to the guy. Nine times out of ten you don’t give it to them because you must have forgot it at home or left it under the ring or tried to use it as a weapon and then…
*He shrugs.*
LD: …What? That’s it. Oh yeah Gothy, I’m really shaking in my boots to see what kind of warped creation you made that I’ll never actually see. Real scary.
*DominiSpooky fingers.*
LD: If you’re actually excited about this match, as you claim to be, then go out for it. Let’s get your Discovery Channel episode where you walk around…
*He leans down to pick up the flyer for Legacy 25. After looking, he kind of cocks his head back in surprise.*
LD: …Las…Vegas- not even close to the United Kingdom but that’s nothing new I suppose.
*A DominiHeadshake follows as he gets back on track.*
LD: But yeah, give me the good promo where you take a walk around the local area- in this case Las Vegas- and tie in the history to our match as you bellow in the local ancient dialect, which would likely belong to the Southern Paiute, and then maybe your equivalent of Lady Evil can show up as you show us around. SEE PSYCHOTIC GOTH, I’M DOING YOUR HOMEWORK FOR YOU! That’s how tired I am of seeing the “Goth working in his smithing shop” promo.
*Lord Dominicus takes a moment to center himself as he holds up a hand letting you know you should wait a moment. He lets out a breath.*
LD: My apologies, I’m just a little frazzled at the repetition of it all. And I don’t just mean that I could set my watch to a Psychotic Goth promo- that’s really basic- no it’s because this whole setup seems real familiar. Did I not literally just fight you for the title?
*He DominiThinks a momen.*
LD: Oh yes, yes I did, I absolutely did. And I would have won too if Lady Evil hadn’t chosen that moment to bring our evil partnership to a close before I got the chance to. Oh and also if the evil mask I gave to Kasper didn’t happen to also empower her once again so that she can once again say she did it herself and give me no credit.
*Again the DARKEST OF ALL BLACKS tries to settle down; big breaths through the nose.*
LD: Not that any of that actually bothers me because if you weren’t paying attention the last two Wrestle United Wherever I Guess Heavyweight Championship matches I’ve been in I actually succeeded in my goal. I went in to stop interlopers and Goths from being champ and badda-bing badda-boom those things didn’t happen. But now?
*He picks up the remote and waves it idly.*
LD: Now apparently the people up top decided they like reruns because you’ve somehow stumbled into another number one contender’s match and the powers-that-be want me to once again defend the company against you. So we’re just literally dialing it back to our last match but minus Van Zant, Matsui, and a ladder. Great, wonderful, I’m sure everyone’s real excited for it.
*Stop, pause, think a moment.*
LD: Well actually you seem excited for it. And the fans are probably more than happy to watch as I step on you once again on my way to the top. Sure, it’s a better story than “Evil Lord Inserts Himself into Gimmick Match and Walks Away Champ.” I mean after all, now the fans get to watch me break a king’s heart and then potentially crush a girl’s dreams as I get revenge for betrayal and finally take my place at the head and Unite this Kingdom under my EVIL AUTHORITY!
*He stops again to catch that last part.*
LD: Ooooooh, maybe that’s what the UK in WUK is for…
*Dominicus shakes it off.*
LD: Anyway, you guys want to watch me beat the tar out of Psychotic Goth as he makes sure to hit his moves in the correct order to fulfill some dark contract or his OCD? The point is, sure. I’ll see you in Las Vegas, Goth, and your bended knee will make a fine stepping stone to me facing either the Betrayer Van Zant or DoppelDonzig- which honestly are both money matches. But please, put some effort into your promos.
*He points the remote at the camera, click.*
