Cheese Pun [Esmur JHW promo]

[The Nihilists]

"There would be precedent to make a cheese related pun to open this session. But I am above those petty things. I take my title reign very seriously. And I intend to have this Cheez, melt under the hot lights and pressure of the big time stage once again."

"Shoot. Almost made the whole intro without a pun."

"What? I … oh. IRRELEVANT!"

~Esmur and Gebin approach a camera on the middle of a sidewalk as they walk along the bustling Vegas strip.~

"How serendipitous that we find ourselves the visiting party to a company not our own … and they found it important enough to come to us instead! Vegas. Home of the desolate and desperate. Home of the sinners and winners. Home of the Nihilists, the greatest tag team in XHF history, and your current XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion. The irony is not lost on me. I have the home crowd advantage. Though, let’s be real, the crowd would always favor the established professional wrestler over the glorified pity hire."

~Esmur chuckles as he runs his hand through his beard. Gebin runs his hands through his long, flowing hair and steps beside him as they continue to walk towards the MGM Grand Arena in the blazing sun.~

"Don’t worry, Cheez. We are not the type to underestimate anyone. After all, we spent the majority of our careers in XHF before the Network being labeled as jokes, comedy acts, openers, talentless hacks not worthy of our boss remembering our names. So much so that we had to change them, go through a complete reinvention of persona, and build back up from new recruit status in AWF before anyone took us seriously. The skill never changed, in fact we only got better as time went on. But we were never given a chance. Our nomme de guerre held us back."

"Yes, we understand the struggle of being underestimated based on appearances. And now … I am a two time Junior Heavyweight Champion, and a former World Champ. Gebin has held singles gold in the SCCW, and we have held multiple tag titles. We are the most dangerous team in SCCW, and hence Las Vegas. Now that Tapout is bowing out to the superior talent roster of Aleister’s company … it is on us to be ambassadors to the lesser companies … like yours."

~They stand out front of the MGM Grand Arena and look up at the dazzling façade of the building.~

"Mr. George, allow us to be the ones to show you the respect you’ve earned … while also bringing you back down to Earth. You are no mere memestock. Nobody got you where you are by laughing and doing it ‘for the lulz’. You earned your place in this match as you did in the first one. We’ve seen your astonishing unexpected rumble runs. You may not have the natural ability that some of your peers do. But like us, you worked your butt off to get here and be taken seriously."

"In this case? That was a mistake. See Esmur here will be treating you the same as he did a former X*Crown champion. A man who has competed with the likes of Jack Diamond, Seth Dillinger, Death Trap and Zoran Sainovic. Broken and beaten, left laying by my partner here. You may have improved and become a true wrestler. But you are not on that level. Especially if you are still learning the lesson of not failing the tutorial."

~Esmur laughs and pushes open the performer entrance door and they move into the building, still empty in anticipation of the WUK show arriving on June 3. He nonchalantly clicks on and off a lighter in his hand as Gebin follows behind him.~

"I respect the fact that you came from literal nothing. And I can sympathize and empathize with your climb in this business. But you never really outgrew that gamer, slacker reputation. And that is on you. For every amazing showing in the rumble, or tag team title win, or upset of the century … there is Lord Dominicus eating you alive, there is you being knocked out, there is you failing to climb up the card. Notice that we were never given the chances. When we did? Multiple time champions, world title belt, and now this prestigious piece of hardware. I fought through literal fire and hell flame itself to come out the way I am. I have been broken and cast aside. I have been laughed at and abandoned. There is no God in the pantheon of false deities you could piss off hard enough to go through what I have been through. And I stand here, stronger. We stand here, unified in purpose and ability. The Nihilists are the true underdog story of the XHF. You, like us, had to work for recognition. Had to fight for chances handed to others. The problem, is you don’t have the work ethic to maintain that level. You taste glory and then burn it up in an instant. You consume that fuel in one gulp and go laze on the couch playing Donkey Kong Country and Pokémon. This is a job. And for some of us it is our only calling in life. You cannot understand what that means."

"As long as wrestling isn’t your natural gift, and remains your number two priority, you can never get to our level. While some, like the icons, or Dylan Black, are naturals who also prioritize this business, and are capable of climbing the ranks with little effort and becoming nigh invincible when giving a single solitary modicum of a fuck …"

"Those like you … and us … need to bleed and eat and sleep this business. Are you willing to fall off a glass scaffold through tables on the concrete? Are you willing o have your face set on fire? Are you willing to risk having the ringtechs too afraid of your opponent to put you out? THE STEP THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! Because I have been considered a jobber, forced to fight through a team of criminal drug addicts while confronting our own personal demons, escaped the clutches of several cults (including one run by the guy who took our titles from us in SCCW…), been set on literal fire while fighting a supposed multidimensional cryptid demon clown. I have been left with mental and physical scars that I know you would never be willing to subject yourself to!"

~They reach the main arena where there are people setting up for an event. They plop themselves in the stands. Esmur wipes the sweat off his bald head as Gebin sips from a water bottle~

"Cheez. I have BEEN that underdog. I have BEEN that dreamer. And I sincerely hope that when I am through with you, you follow your own advice. Don’t give up. Come back stronger. Better. Let this defeat improve you, stare up to the shining lights as you stare at the ceiling after that three count … and let it fill you with determination. But understand … this is no underdog story. This is a harsh dose of reality in your dreams. The emptiness you will feel is what you can anticipate in the end. Where we all are destined to land some day. No doubt the underdogs can rise, if they couldn’t nobody would have any sports miracle movies to watch, right? But it is my job, as the emissary of the void, as the champion, as the flagbearer for our division … to FORCE your spirit to yield. And yield it shall before the empty abyss of eternity. Cheez is here to stay … too bad you need a bit more age on you to understand how the world fucking works."

"Embrace eternity."

~They stand up and move into the arena as the camera fades~