The Musical Episode (Part 1)
Jun 5, 2024 20:57:52 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, edwarddubin0604, and 3 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jun 5, 2024 20:57:52 GMT -5
*The sound of cereal pouring brings us to a peaceful morning at the Bad to the Bone complex. Lord Dominicus sits across from The Star Trekker as they are joined by a returning Dinosaur Bones (who obviously isn’t eating and would be scowling if any emotions could be read from his visage).*
LD: Finally things are getting back to normal around here. Now if only we could do something about getting rid of pests…
DB: I CANNOT EAT THE FLESHLING PARASITE.
Trekker: Guys I’m literally right here.
*Dominicus pulls up a sheet of paper and reads as he eats.*
LD: Anyway, Wrestle: (Never in the) United Kingdom is holding a tag team tournament. Since my World Heavyweight Championship match isn’t for a few weeks I thought we’d enter. Obviously I’ll be in it- but who should my partner be…
*The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK looks across the table at his cohorts. He starts pointing towards Trekker but then moves towards Dinosaur Bones. Both seem excited at where this is going as they haven’t seen action for a while.*
LD: I think I’m going to go with me and…………………….Big Bone.
*His finger moves to the previously unseen large team member in skeleton pajamas.*
BB: Chido.
*Cereal crunches as we get hit by REAL HARD FRIGGIN ELECTRIC SOUNDS and suddenly we are in a ring in an empty arena. In the center are Lord Dominicus and Big Bone. The camera spins around them as they throw their arms out.*
BB (Auto-tuned): W:UK!
LD: Awwww, heck!
Get your tights and boots, it's about to go down!
My boy Big Bone here gonna hit the friggin’ ring,
So get your dick punches ready, bro,
We running this, let's go!
*The scene jumps to Dominicus doing squats with Bone, but Bone is also lifting weights as he does it.*
LD: We’re in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): We’re in a match!
LD: We’re in a match!
Everybody look at us, 'cause we’re tagging in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): Tagging in a match!
LD: We’re in a match
We’re in a match
Take a good hard look at us tagging in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): Yeah!
*Now the pair are standing on the table in the kitchen as Trekker and Dinosaur Bones watch them rapping.*
LD: We’re in a match, you simpleton, take a look at us.
I grapple and flip and Bone hits like a bus!
Hardcore City punks, you got a bad catch,
You can’t stop Big Bone and me, ‘cause we’re finally in a match!
*Cameras flash as THE DARKEST OF ALL EVILS and Big Bone stand behind a podium cutting an aggressive press conference.*
LD: Take a picture, jerks,
BB (Auto-tuned): Jerks.
LD: We’re in a match, dorks
BB (Auto-tuned): Dorks
LD: We’re winning this tournament because we’re skilled.
BB (Auto-tuned): Skilled.
LD: I got my mask on, and my tag-team partner,
I woke up a champ, you woke up to lose to a monster!
*We pick up again as a bizarre race takes place in the yard of the BttB compound…Lord Dominicus is riding on Dinosaur Bones (which is fine) but going up against them is The Star Trekker giving the much larger Big Bone a piggy-back ride. She might die if this is a long verse.*
LD: I’m riding on a dracolich, spreading darkness,
Big Bone over here figuring out all y’alls weakness.
But this ain't J-ROK, this as real as it gets!
We’re in a tournament, bro, don't you ever forget!
*Back in the ring, Big Bone squats down to aggressively rap at the camera.*
BB (Auto-tuned): We’re in a match, man. We’re up against, man,
Some dumb guys who’s friggin’ names I can’t pronounce, man!
We are Bad to the Bone, not in cars no more!
If you’re not wrestlin’, then you’re just some puta!
*Quick cut to Star Trekker listening to a translation of that last word from her phone and looking shocked- she covers her mouth because it’s a bad word.*
LD: Hardcore City Shinjuku, this is real!
*Despite the claim they are no longer in cars, the next shot is a front view of BB and LD in the DominiCruiser, presumably cruising.*
LD: Screw you, we’re on a team, mothertruckers!
BB (Auto-tuned): Mothertruckers.
LD: Screw singles, I tag now, mothertruckers!
BB (Auto-tuned): Mothertruckers.
LD: I'm in a match with my boy, mothertruckers!
We’re cruisin’ for your heads, mothertruckers!
*Back in the ring both men are standing on opposite ring posts with their arms out like an entrance (except there’s no fans).*
LD: Hey, Wrestle UK, see me now-
BB (Auto-tuned): See me now!
LD: Arms spread on the turnbuckle, wow!
BB (Auto-tuned): Winning, wow!
LD: Gonna burn this fed to the ground somehow!
BB (Auto-tuned): Burn it down!
LD: Then rebuild it up in my vantablack image!
*Now we’re outside. Big Bone raps in the front while Lord Dominicus sprays a hose in front of the Dominicruiser.*
BB (Auto-tuned): Yeah, never thought I'd be in a match-
LD: Let's go!
BB (Auto-tuned): The last one was long in the past…
Dino Bones, look at me, oh!
Never thought I'd see the day,
When a tournament’s coming my way!
Remember back when I…
Follé a una solterona!
*Quickly we cut to all of Bad to the Bone (plus Trekker) on the roof of the complex flashing fake gang signs as the rap continues.*
LD: Were in a match!
We’re in a match!
Everybody look at us, 'cause we’re tagging in a match!
Were in a match!
We’re in a match!
Take a good hard look at us tagging in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): W:UK!
W:UK!
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
*Finally (mercifully?) the music dies down and everyone is back where they were eating breakfast in the compound’s garage. Spoons drop in shock.*
LD: What the heck was that!?
BB: Did we just break out into song?
DB: I NEED AN ADULT!
Trekker: I think there was a Star Trek episode about this...
LD: Nobody cares; we need to find out why we started rapping.
*There’s a brief moment of silence, broken by…*
BB (Auto-tuned): W:UK!
*SMASH CUT to black*
LD: Finally things are getting back to normal around here. Now if only we could do something about getting rid of pests…
DB: I CANNOT EAT THE FLESHLING PARASITE.
Trekker: Guys I’m literally right here.
*Dominicus pulls up a sheet of paper and reads as he eats.*
LD: Anyway, Wrestle: (Never in the) United Kingdom is holding a tag team tournament. Since my World Heavyweight Championship match isn’t for a few weeks I thought we’d enter. Obviously I’ll be in it- but who should my partner be…
*The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK looks across the table at his cohorts. He starts pointing towards Trekker but then moves towards Dinosaur Bones. Both seem excited at where this is going as they haven’t seen action for a while.*
LD: I think I’m going to go with me and…………………….Big Bone.
*His finger moves to the previously unseen large team member in skeleton pajamas.*
BB: Chido.
*Cereal crunches as we get hit by REAL HARD FRIGGIN ELECTRIC SOUNDS and suddenly we are in a ring in an empty arena. In the center are Lord Dominicus and Big Bone. The camera spins around them as they throw their arms out.*
BB (Auto-tuned): W:UK!
LD: Awwww, heck!
Get your tights and boots, it's about to go down!
My boy Big Bone here gonna hit the friggin’ ring,
So get your dick punches ready, bro,
We running this, let's go!
*The scene jumps to Dominicus doing squats with Bone, but Bone is also lifting weights as he does it.*
LD: We’re in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): We’re in a match!
LD: We’re in a match!
Everybody look at us, 'cause we’re tagging in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): Tagging in a match!
LD: We’re in a match
We’re in a match
Take a good hard look at us tagging in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): Yeah!
*Now the pair are standing on the table in the kitchen as Trekker and Dinosaur Bones watch them rapping.*
LD: We’re in a match, you simpleton, take a look at us.
I grapple and flip and Bone hits like a bus!
Hardcore City punks, you got a bad catch,
You can’t stop Big Bone and me, ‘cause we’re finally in a match!
*Cameras flash as THE DARKEST OF ALL EVILS and Big Bone stand behind a podium cutting an aggressive press conference.*
LD: Take a picture, jerks,
BB (Auto-tuned): Jerks.
LD: We’re in a match, dorks
BB (Auto-tuned): Dorks
LD: We’re winning this tournament because we’re skilled.
BB (Auto-tuned): Skilled.
LD: I got my mask on, and my tag-team partner,
I woke up a champ, you woke up to lose to a monster!
*We pick up again as a bizarre race takes place in the yard of the BttB compound…Lord Dominicus is riding on Dinosaur Bones (which is fine) but going up against them is The Star Trekker giving the much larger Big Bone a piggy-back ride. She might die if this is a long verse.*
LD: I’m riding on a dracolich, spreading darkness,
Big Bone over here figuring out all y’alls weakness.
But this ain't J-ROK, this as real as it gets!
We’re in a tournament, bro, don't you ever forget!
*Back in the ring, Big Bone squats down to aggressively rap at the camera.*
BB (Auto-tuned): We’re in a match, man. We’re up against, man,
Some dumb guys who’s friggin’ names I can’t pronounce, man!
We are Bad to the Bone, not in cars no more!
If you’re not wrestlin’, then you’re just some puta!
*Quick cut to Star Trekker listening to a translation of that last word from her phone and looking shocked- she covers her mouth because it’s a bad word.*
LD: Hardcore City Shinjuku, this is real!
*Despite the claim they are no longer in cars, the next shot is a front view of BB and LD in the DominiCruiser, presumably cruising.*
LD: Screw you, we’re on a team, mothertruckers!
BB (Auto-tuned): Mothertruckers.
LD: Screw singles, I tag now, mothertruckers!
BB (Auto-tuned): Mothertruckers.
LD: I'm in a match with my boy, mothertruckers!
We’re cruisin’ for your heads, mothertruckers!
*Back in the ring both men are standing on opposite ring posts with their arms out like an entrance (except there’s no fans).*
LD: Hey, Wrestle UK, see me now-
BB (Auto-tuned): See me now!
LD: Arms spread on the turnbuckle, wow!
BB (Auto-tuned): Winning, wow!
LD: Gonna burn this fed to the ground somehow!
BB (Auto-tuned): Burn it down!
LD: Then rebuild it up in my vantablack image!
*Now we’re outside. Big Bone raps in the front while Lord Dominicus sprays a hose in front of the Dominicruiser.*
BB (Auto-tuned): Yeah, never thought I'd be in a match-
LD: Let's go!
BB (Auto-tuned): The last one was long in the past…
Dino Bones, look at me, oh!
Never thought I'd see the day,
When a tournament’s coming my way!
Remember back when I…
Follé a una solterona!
*Quickly we cut to all of Bad to the Bone (plus Trekker) on the roof of the complex flashing fake gang signs as the rap continues.*
LD: Were in a match!
We’re in a match!
Everybody look at us, 'cause we’re tagging in a match!
Were in a match!
We’re in a match!
Take a good hard look at us tagging in a match!
BB (Auto-tuned): W:UK!
W:UK!
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
*Finally (mercifully?) the music dies down and everyone is back where they were eating breakfast in the compound’s garage. Spoons drop in shock.*
LD: What the heck was that!?
BB: Did we just break out into song?
DB: I NEED AN ADULT!
Trekker: I think there was a Star Trek episode about this...
LD: Nobody cares; we need to find out why we started rapping.
*There’s a brief moment of silence, broken by…*
BB (Auto-tuned): W:UK!
*SMASH CUT to black*
