The Worst Day Ever? (King Edmund/Overheated)
Jul 4, 2024 16:19:56 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by ForeverKuroi on Jul 4, 2024 16:19:56 GMT -5
King Edmund IV: AND THEN IT WENT WRONG. IT ALL WENT WRONG! WHY!? WHY DID TODAY HAVE TO GO SO WRONG?
The scene begins with King Edmund IV in his glorious mansion with the large-screen television. On the other side is the Supremian dictator, Jacob Friedman.
Cumhersnatch: I don't know why you keep messaging me. I'm not your personal therapist.
King Edmund IV: IT WAS THE WORST DAY EVER!
Friedman lets out a long, audible sigh.
Cumhersnatch: If I listen to your little spiel, will you finally just let me go?
As if everything was all manufactured, Edmund composes himself in a dignified manner.
King Edmund IV: Yes, I will grant you reprieve - in all my infinite wisdom, of course.
Friedman pinches the bridge of his nose and recoils with these next words.
Cumhersnatch: Alright. ...Proceed.
King Edmund IV: So it went like this...
The string frets play the sequence of a thought bubble that eminated from King Edmund's mind in a way only possible through the XHF Network's high production value budget. Suddenly, the scene becomes transported to the commons of Silvercrest, the capitol of Supremia. King Edmund and Mutt stand high atop a large, wooden stage. However, they aren't alone. Lying down in the path of a large guillotine is an obvious impoverished and destiute citizen.
King Edmund IV: SUPREMIA! What you see right now is someone who has defied the rule of the KINGDOM! Someone who thinks that they are ABOVE the rules! What we have here is someone who thinks that they are TOO GOOD for SUPREMIA! This CRIMINAL is GUILTY for trying to escape our country!
Criminal: Please, my KING!
King Edmund IV: What possible excuse could you have for such IMPUDENCE!
Criminal: My King, I had a signed permit! According to the document, you signed it yourself!
King Edmund IV: LIES! GUARD, BRING ME THE DOCUMENT AT ONCE!
Supremian Guard: Yes, my King.
The guard quickly and dutifully brings the document to King Edmund IV. He slowly examines it before his eyes grow big. He pauses for a moment before looking up at the commoners, who are silent as they watch with anticipation. A Supremian cricket chirps in the distance.
King Edmund IV: Well... Well you should have known that was opposite day when I signed it! YES! I decree that this one particular day in the past was opposite day and all options are actually meant to be the other one!
Supremian Guard: Understood, my King. I will immediately cancel your caviar food order that you renewed on that day.
King Edmund IV quickly turns to the person in the gallows.
King Edmund IV: Just for that, I'm really going to execute you!
Criminal: I thought I was going to be executed before.
King Edmund IV: SILENCE! MUTT, DROP THE BLADE!
And without delay, Mutt drops the blade. The blade cleanly shows the torn skin, muscle, and bone. The screen is filled with blood and the body jerks for a moment before no longer moving.
Suddenly, the promo stops.
Mongo: Kuroi, you're going to need to change this promo.
Kuroi: What? What are you doing in this promo? THIS IS MY PROMO!
Mongo: An execution? Really? We're not going to do that. It's against Proboards' terms of service.
Kuroi: You are NOT going to be interrupting my promo. Get out of here. I thought you christians got off on barbaric punishments and all that.
Mongo: Either you remove this now or I'll delete the promo after you post it.
Kuroi: You're on my tag team. This will only hurt you.
Mongo: My decision is final.
Kuroi: Plus, aren't you against breaking the fourth wall and all that?
Mongo: YOU'RE THE ONE WRITING ME LIKE THIS! THIS ISN'T EVEN REALLY ME!
Kuroi: For fuck's sake. Fine.
Suddenly, the promo travels in reverse. The blood and guts magically go back into the criminal's body. The scene plays as normal with the blade dropping. However, this time...
King Edmund IV: WHY DID THE BLADE NOT FALL ALL THE WAY DOWN!?
Supremian Guard: Well we did inform you that it needed maintenance. The wood was splintering. It seems like it stopped the blade before the momentum could go all the way down.
King Edmund IV: How DARE you talk to me like this!? Other guards! EXECUTE HIM!
Supremian Guard: ...How? The guillotine is broken.
King Edmund IV begins to respond, but realizes the issue. He fumbles for a moment.
King Edmund IV: I KNOW THAT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
The thought bubble ends and the scene transports to King Edmund's private chambers, where he is chatting with Jacob Friedman.
King Edmund IV: And I looked like a FOOL in front of everyone! Why, the world hasn't seen such a foolish face since an asteroid took out those dinosaurs millions of years ago!
Cumhersnatch: Yeah, you do look pretty foolish. Have you thought about... I don't know - NOT going off pure, unhinged and unbridled rage everywhere you go?
King Edmund IV: Say, there's a point.
Cumhersnatch: Oh good. I finally got through to you. Are we done h-
King Edmund IV: I just need to gain credibility! I need to find those pesky dinosaurs and make THEM look like fools! And then I will look like the GOD I am!
Cumhersnatch: Wait, what?
King Edmund IV: I will find the Extinction Connection, and then I will challenge them to a match for the tag team championship!
Cumhersnatch: I'm pretty sure this was already a match.
King Edmund IV: And then I will make THEM extinct!
Cumhersnatch: This isn't how this works. This isn't how any of this works.
King Edmund IV: I'm glad I now see clearly, Cumhersnatch.
Cumhersnatch: -Jacob Friedman.
King Edmund IV: And now, I'm going to end this promo using auto-correct.
Cumhersnatch: Can I go now?
King Edmund IV: I'm going to end this promo using auto-correct.
Cumhersnatch: Yes, you already said that.
King Edmund IV: I'm going to end this promo using auto-correct.
Cumhersnatch: ...
The scene fades to black, with King Edmund seemingly repeating himself due to technical limitations.
The scene begins with King Edmund IV in his glorious mansion with the large-screen television. On the other side is the Supremian dictator, Jacob Friedman.
Cumhersnatch: I don't know why you keep messaging me. I'm not your personal therapist.
King Edmund IV: IT WAS THE WORST DAY EVER!
Friedman lets out a long, audible sigh.
Cumhersnatch: If I listen to your little spiel, will you finally just let me go?
As if everything was all manufactured, Edmund composes himself in a dignified manner.
King Edmund IV: Yes, I will grant you reprieve - in all my infinite wisdom, of course.
Friedman pinches the bridge of his nose and recoils with these next words.
Cumhersnatch: Alright. ...Proceed.
King Edmund IV: So it went like this...
The string frets play the sequence of a thought bubble that eminated from King Edmund's mind in a way only possible through the XHF Network's high production value budget. Suddenly, the scene becomes transported to the commons of Silvercrest, the capitol of Supremia. King Edmund and Mutt stand high atop a large, wooden stage. However, they aren't alone. Lying down in the path of a large guillotine is an obvious impoverished and destiute citizen.
King Edmund IV: SUPREMIA! What you see right now is someone who has defied the rule of the KINGDOM! Someone who thinks that they are ABOVE the rules! What we have here is someone who thinks that they are TOO GOOD for SUPREMIA! This CRIMINAL is GUILTY for trying to escape our country!
Criminal: Please, my KING!
King Edmund IV: What possible excuse could you have for such IMPUDENCE!
Criminal: My King, I had a signed permit! According to the document, you signed it yourself!
King Edmund IV: LIES! GUARD, BRING ME THE DOCUMENT AT ONCE!
Supremian Guard: Yes, my King.
The guard quickly and dutifully brings the document to King Edmund IV. He slowly examines it before his eyes grow big. He pauses for a moment before looking up at the commoners, who are silent as they watch with anticipation. A Supremian cricket chirps in the distance.
King Edmund IV: Well... Well you should have known that was opposite day when I signed it! YES! I decree that this one particular day in the past was opposite day and all options are actually meant to be the other one!
Supremian Guard: Understood, my King. I will immediately cancel your caviar food order that you renewed on that day.
King Edmund IV quickly turns to the person in the gallows.
King Edmund IV: Just for that, I'm really going to execute you!
Criminal: I thought I was going to be executed before.
King Edmund IV: SILENCE! MUTT, DROP THE BLADE!
And without delay, Mutt drops the blade. The blade cleanly shows the torn skin, muscle, and bone. The screen is filled with blood and the body jerks for a moment before no longer moving.
Suddenly, the promo stops.
Mongo: Kuroi, you're going to need to change this promo.
Kuroi: What? What are you doing in this promo? THIS IS MY PROMO!
Mongo: An execution? Really? We're not going to do that. It's against Proboards' terms of service.
Kuroi: You are NOT going to be interrupting my promo. Get out of here. I thought you christians got off on barbaric punishments and all that.
Mongo: Either you remove this now or I'll delete the promo after you post it.
Kuroi: You're on my tag team. This will only hurt you.
Mongo: My decision is final.
Kuroi: Plus, aren't you against breaking the fourth wall and all that?
Mongo: YOU'RE THE ONE WRITING ME LIKE THIS! THIS ISN'T EVEN REALLY ME!
Kuroi: For fuck's sake. Fine.
Suddenly, the promo travels in reverse. The blood and guts magically go back into the criminal's body. The scene plays as normal with the blade dropping. However, this time...
King Edmund IV: WHY DID THE BLADE NOT FALL ALL THE WAY DOWN!?
Supremian Guard: Well we did inform you that it needed maintenance. The wood was splintering. It seems like it stopped the blade before the momentum could go all the way down.
King Edmund IV: How DARE you talk to me like this!? Other guards! EXECUTE HIM!
Supremian Guard: ...How? The guillotine is broken.
King Edmund IV begins to respond, but realizes the issue. He fumbles for a moment.
King Edmund IV: I KNOW THAT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
The thought bubble ends and the scene transports to King Edmund's private chambers, where he is chatting with Jacob Friedman.
King Edmund IV: And I looked like a FOOL in front of everyone! Why, the world hasn't seen such a foolish face since an asteroid took out those dinosaurs millions of years ago!
Cumhersnatch: Yeah, you do look pretty foolish. Have you thought about... I don't know - NOT going off pure, unhinged and unbridled rage everywhere you go?
King Edmund IV: Say, there's a point.
Cumhersnatch: Oh good. I finally got through to you. Are we done h-
King Edmund IV: I just need to gain credibility! I need to find those pesky dinosaurs and make THEM look like fools! And then I will look like the GOD I am!
Cumhersnatch: Wait, what?
King Edmund IV: I will find the Extinction Connection, and then I will challenge them to a match for the tag team championship!
Cumhersnatch: I'm pretty sure this was already a match.
King Edmund IV: And then I will make THEM extinct!
Cumhersnatch: This isn't how this works. This isn't how any of this works.
King Edmund IV: I'm glad I now see clearly, Cumhersnatch.
Cumhersnatch: -Jacob Friedman.
King Edmund IV: And now, I'm going to end this promo using auto-correct.
Cumhersnatch: Can I go now?
King Edmund IV: I'm going to end this promo using auto-correct.
Cumhersnatch: Yes, you already said that.
King Edmund IV: I'm going to end this promo using auto-correct.
Cumhersnatch: ...
The scene fades to black, with King Edmund seemingly repeating himself due to technical limitations.
