Goodbye Japan. [AEH 4 Overheated]
Jul 4, 2024 22:58:42 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Kira Izumi, and 1 more like this
Post by flo on Jul 4, 2024 22:58:42 GMT -5
Dawn breaks on Mount Fuji.
Time-lapse photography quickly sees dark blue clouds melt away into a magnificent violet, the colour spectrum warming up until a ray of light cuts through the skyline. The image pans along the beam, with the videographer apparently operating on Fuji's peak. Still too early in the Summer to court the iconic site's peak traffic, there are still a few dozen faces enjoying this majestic view. As more sunlight punches through the billowing wall, these spectator's faces are illuminated by the glow. Involuntary smiles, eyes watering at the sheer wonder - joy and happiness etched onto every witness.
...The one exception is the scaly visage of a crocodile, who spent so little money on his mask that emotions are impossible to simulate. The toothy snout always forms a broad smile, suggesting that the figure is easily amused - possibly simple-minded. Large cartoon eyes have drawn on pupils perpetually gazing straight forward - though inanimate, their cold dead veneer do not sparkle with intelligence, reminiscent of the braindead void offered by chickens. For the Gornesque pokerface, there are enough hikers giving positive reactions around the reptile, that under the mask - he too might be enjoying the sight. If his heart strings are yanked by this stirring display of nature, then perhaps this Sunshine State Stud can at least enjoy how all the clouds look like Kira Izumi being set on fire.
Florida Man politely nods in appreciation.
............his reaction is definitely for the hellscape of burning Kiras, that FML clearly sees written in the sky.
Florida Man:
...beautiful...
Coming back to reality, Florida Man acknowledges the camera.
Florida Man (pointing at either the sunrise or a cloud that looks like Kira being turned into a human centipede):
Ain't that something? Makes a guy think. I've almost been in Florida's Japan county for four years... always wanted to check Fuji out. Glad I got a chance to see this before heading back to the Florida mainland, permanently. ...Almost makes me want to stay. They ain't all been bad times... just the J-RoK part... and even then the fans were always good to me!
.........Who am I kidding? I have to stay!
XHF Hardcore Champion 4 LIFE!
Opening his mountain climbing tuxedo - which is covered in Rorschach style inkblots from when FML had a crippling addiction to dry-erase markers - Flo pulls back the image of Kira having sex with himself, to reveal the championship belt. The sun reflects blindingly off the metal plates. Recognizing the wrestler from his strap - because apparently the mask wasn't a dead give away - three of Flo's fellow mountaineers approach him.
Hiker No. 1:
(Sorry to bother you, but we are huge fans.)
Hiker No. 3:
(MASSIVE!)
Hiker No. 2:
(May we take a photo with you?)
Florida Man (looking at an inkblot of Kira's parents having sex then deciding to kill themselves before they can birth any disappointments):
Hrm... a donkey I think.
Apparently languages aren't one of The Floridian's strengths. Who knew? To overcome the language barrier, one of the hikers produces a camera, and starts to pantomime using it.
Florida Man:
Oh, you want to (monkey bike grapefruit) - no problem.
Hiker No. 3:
(THANK YOU SO MUCH!)
Florida Man (striking a pose):
Okay - all in - 3, 2, 1, CHEEE-
Group (broken English):
ANAL EXPLOSION HERO NUMBER ONE!
What was that? Not sure if that meant something different in Japanese, FML only lightly shoves his fans off. They don't seem to mind the bruises, content at a picture with their idol.
Florida Man:
Hang on-
Hiker No. 1:
(Can you imagine climbing Mt. Fuji and running into the) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO?
Florida Man:
That last bit sounds funny-
Hiker No. 2:
(My coworkers will never believe I met the real) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO!
Florida Man:
Stop saying that. I'm Demon No. 1!
Hiker No. 3 (reassuring Flo with a thumbs up):
(Yes!) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO DEMON NUMBER ONE!
The trio are tagging their photos-
Florida Man:
I don't know where you picked that phrase up - but that's not my name!
The trio are so excited that other mountaineers turn from the gorgeous sunrise to see what the commotion is.
Older Man:
(Do you mind keeping it down? I was recently given a terminal diagnosis, and this will be the last time that me and my wife)-
Older Woman (grabbing her husband's arm and pointing):
ANAL EXPLOSION HERO!
Older Man:
(What would the great) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO (be doing here)?
Florida Man:
Drop dead!
A dozen more pilgrims turn from Fuji's peak, drawn to the irate buffoon who looks oddly like their favourite athlete...
Florida Man:
You're all mistaken!
Goth Lolita Hiker:
(Make love to me) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO!
Florida Man (threatening a child with his shoe):
THIS IS ALL A HORRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING.
Stealing a cellphone, Florida Man google searches himself to show these fans how wrong they are. Florida Man. Yes!
Florida Man:
See?
The crowd smile in approval of Florida Man confirming his own identity. Only the websites are in English. A punk switches the domain to JP. Nothing wrong with Kanji... only the few characters in English that remain, proudly identify a picture of our protagonist as ANAL EXPLOSION HERO.
Florida Man:
....am I..... the anal exploding hero?
Everyone (nodding):
NUMBER ONE!
Almost knocking the cheering section over with his tail, Florida Man abandons the peak, starting the long descent down the mountain. More enamoured with this Floridian celebrity than Fuji's view - many of the fans follow him down the four hour trek.
Florida Man:
Unbelievable! Do you hear that crap?
Flo waves a scaly claw at the crowd, who maintain a respectful ten-foot-distance, before bowing in unison.
Everyone (forced English in unison):
Thank for you sacrifice!
The morning mist looks like steam shooting out of FML's snout. With an annoyed shake of his head, Florida Man continues to stomp down.
Florida Man:
...I was only in one.... under duress... if anyone should have that nickname it's fucking Wizard Sleeve Anus Izumi, who lost two of them! And you know that glass jawed bitch will be green with jealousy that he isn't more associated with that hot garbage concept!
In the shadow of the peak, the trail has yet to brighten, but neck breaking missteps won't slow the champion down. The pace quickens to put distance between him and his unfortunate Japanese fan club, forcing the videographer to almost trip alongside him. Cartoon eyes not on footing, Flo looks into the camera to address the audience even as his strides tease a Wile E. Coyote mountain roll.
Florida Man:
Folks might find that my nationalistic pride borders on deviant... but if loving Florida - so hard that it files a restraining order - is wrong? I don't wanna be right! Never been self-conscious about where I'm from, even when people might have laughed at my passion, and dismissed my antics as a one note forced joke. Despite a four year XHF stint where I was largely seen as the unfortunate lunatic fringe... I'd like to think that over time my optimism, commitment, and American Pussy Running ways - won over more than one hater. I have no regrets about my time in the XHF... J-RoK, not so much.
As the trail gets narrow, Florida Man is forced into a tight close-up.
Florida Man:
Kira Izumi. You want to talk about masks? Sounds like you're trying to direct the narrative, bookerman. Funny you're suddenly concerned about what's under mine... since day one, you've treated me worse than a dog. Oh this match has a LOT of bad blood, but don't pretend to be an injured party, you entitled prick. When the sands on Honolulu are painted red with your gore... that is the final chapter in our relationship. Not revenge. Do not feel hard done by... this is the natural conclusion to the hate you bred. Closure for me, karma for you.
A refresher...
This freelancer took Fireside's junior title shot, and proceeded to win the strap. I ended Bloodied Fox's historic streak, and with title in hand - I approached you. Our first meeting. You were very welcoming when I brought a global championship to your doorstep... but the actually promotional support was lacklustre. Yeah, forget that I was the only J-RoK worker with Network Era global singles glory other than Dylan Black, when that strap disappeared, I couldn't get a six-man tag to save my life.
So to EARN A LIVING... I moonlighted in GUNS Fight Club. Not a loyalty thing, I just want to work... what's the worst that can happen?
Oh, seems my J-RoK boss also has a passion for MMA.
PRO TIP. If you don't like how J-RoK is using you? Don't expose the promoter having a glass jaw.
So at that point, I'm HOT, but never used. A rare invitational like the Parade of Demons... only MY EMPLOYER decides to get revenge for the knockout in a "firework up the ass match." His idea. Which........ shouldn't exist? That isn't wrestling. It's a crime. As the promoter, that was him abusing power - and if he'd won, it would have basically been sexual assault. I'll never forgive him for putting me in that position.
...He lost by the way.
"But it wasn't all bad - you won titles!" The YTA championship. That's the weird location belt... so maybe they can use me if I never show up at arenas? Only they don't.... half a year goes by, and my phone is collecting dust. Frustrated, I use its unique setting status to defend IN OTHER companies... I'm getting defences under my belt, bringing value. Mistake that. Kira takes interest. He wants it. So playing off the bad blood from him trying to molest me with an explosive device, he puts himself in a title defence. ...and wins. Match ends with him IMMEDIATELY moving to the next feud, like I was only there to make him look good... and after putting my BOSS over, I don't get booked for seven months. ...It's not a good look.
So I go abroad.
W:UK's BATTLE OF BRITAIN... and 2023 FACE OF THE YEAR...
HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...
So many Epcot Mafia spectacles, that Marty has turned on twelve other tag partners just to keep it going.
And in a tournament that J-RoK couldn't fix, I finally put down Dar to become the XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION.
I like my title.
I respect my title.
I'd like join greats like Awesome and Black in running with it as long as possible...
I want to do the right thing, and keep it going until a better man comes along to take it off me.
Only, I can't do that here. I've got a "former promoter" who clearly still has HEAVY company ties, trying to puff up his own ego in an "open challenge" ...if you respected the XHF Hardcore title in J-RoK, you would never have put your name down, Kira.
I'm done. And as much as it pains me, I'm retiring with the belt. J-RoK can fill a vacated belt. Me? You retired me from J-RoK, Kira. You have enough wins over me. We're done.
And come Overheated, Kira... remember... you brought this flip on yourself.
Having said his peace, Florida Man returns his attention to the trail - which is finally enjoying the sunlight. He may just make it off this mountain yet.
Hitchhiker #2:
(Excuse me) Anal Exploding Hero, please to sign?
Ugh. One of his fellow mountain climbers holds out a Florida Man plush toy for an autograph. ...Then the dozen hikers behind him offer their own Florida collectibles.
Florida Man:
...Those are very specific items to bring on a ten hour climb.
Everyone:
ANAL EXPLOSION HERO FOREVER!
The gator shakes his head.
Florida Man:
....god damn you, Kira...
Deciding he can roll faster, Florida Man throws himself headfirst down the mountain. Three hours of rolling through trees and rocks at high speeds are NOTHING compared to what Flo's going to do to Izumi. Fade on a Goofy scream.
Time-lapse photography quickly sees dark blue clouds melt away into a magnificent violet, the colour spectrum warming up until a ray of light cuts through the skyline. The image pans along the beam, with the videographer apparently operating on Fuji's peak. Still too early in the Summer to court the iconic site's peak traffic, there are still a few dozen faces enjoying this majestic view. As more sunlight punches through the billowing wall, these spectator's faces are illuminated by the glow. Involuntary smiles, eyes watering at the sheer wonder - joy and happiness etched onto every witness.
...The one exception is the scaly visage of a crocodile, who spent so little money on his mask that emotions are impossible to simulate. The toothy snout always forms a broad smile, suggesting that the figure is easily amused - possibly simple-minded. Large cartoon eyes have drawn on pupils perpetually gazing straight forward - though inanimate, their cold dead veneer do not sparkle with intelligence, reminiscent of the braindead void offered by chickens. For the Gornesque pokerface, there are enough hikers giving positive reactions around the reptile, that under the mask - he too might be enjoying the sight. If his heart strings are yanked by this stirring display of nature, then perhaps this Sunshine State Stud can at least enjoy how all the clouds look like Kira Izumi being set on fire.
Florida Man politely nods in appreciation.
............his reaction is definitely for the hellscape of burning Kiras, that FML clearly sees written in the sky.
Florida Man:
...beautiful...
Coming back to reality, Florida Man acknowledges the camera.
Florida Man (pointing at either the sunrise or a cloud that looks like Kira being turned into a human centipede):
Ain't that something? Makes a guy think. I've almost been in Florida's Japan county for four years... always wanted to check Fuji out. Glad I got a chance to see this before heading back to the Florida mainland, permanently. ...Almost makes me want to stay. They ain't all been bad times... just the J-RoK part... and even then the fans were always good to me!
.........Who am I kidding? I have to stay!
XHF Hardcore Champion 4 LIFE!
Opening his mountain climbing tuxedo - which is covered in Rorschach style inkblots from when FML had a crippling addiction to dry-erase markers - Flo pulls back the image of Kira having sex with himself, to reveal the championship belt. The sun reflects blindingly off the metal plates. Recognizing the wrestler from his strap - because apparently the mask wasn't a dead give away - three of Flo's fellow mountaineers approach him.
Hiker No. 1:
(Sorry to bother you, but we are huge fans.)
Hiker No. 3:
(MASSIVE!)
Hiker No. 2:
(May we take a photo with you?)
Florida Man (looking at an inkblot of Kira's parents having sex then deciding to kill themselves before they can birth any disappointments):
Hrm... a donkey I think.
Apparently languages aren't one of The Floridian's strengths. Who knew? To overcome the language barrier, one of the hikers produces a camera, and starts to pantomime using it.
Florida Man:
Oh, you want to (monkey bike grapefruit) - no problem.
Hiker No. 3:
(THANK YOU SO MUCH!)
Florida Man (striking a pose):
Okay - all in - 3, 2, 1, CHEEE-
Group (broken English):
ANAL EXPLOSION HERO NUMBER ONE!
What was that? Not sure if that meant something different in Japanese, FML only lightly shoves his fans off. They don't seem to mind the bruises, content at a picture with their idol.
Florida Man:
Hang on-
Hiker No. 1:
(Can you imagine climbing Mt. Fuji and running into the) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO?
Florida Man:
That last bit sounds funny-
Hiker No. 2:
(My coworkers will never believe I met the real) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO!
Florida Man:
Stop saying that. I'm Demon No. 1!
Hiker No. 3 (reassuring Flo with a thumbs up):
(Yes!) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO DEMON NUMBER ONE!
The trio are tagging their photos-
Florida Man:
I don't know where you picked that phrase up - but that's not my name!
The trio are so excited that other mountaineers turn from the gorgeous sunrise to see what the commotion is.
Older Man:
(Do you mind keeping it down? I was recently given a terminal diagnosis, and this will be the last time that me and my wife)-
Older Woman (grabbing her husband's arm and pointing):
ANAL EXPLOSION HERO!
Older Man:
(What would the great) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO (be doing here)?
Florida Man:
Drop dead!
A dozen more pilgrims turn from Fuji's peak, drawn to the irate buffoon who looks oddly like their favourite athlete...
Florida Man:
You're all mistaken!
Goth Lolita Hiker:
(Make love to me) ANAL EXPLOSION HERO!
Florida Man (threatening a child with his shoe):
THIS IS ALL A HORRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING.
Stealing a cellphone, Florida Man google searches himself to show these fans how wrong they are. Florida Man. Yes!
Florida Man:
See?
The crowd smile in approval of Florida Man confirming his own identity. Only the websites are in English. A punk switches the domain to JP. Nothing wrong with Kanji... only the few characters in English that remain, proudly identify a picture of our protagonist as ANAL EXPLOSION HERO.
Florida Man:
....am I..... the anal exploding hero?
Everyone (nodding):
NUMBER ONE!
Almost knocking the cheering section over with his tail, Florida Man abandons the peak, starting the long descent down the mountain. More enamoured with this Floridian celebrity than Fuji's view - many of the fans follow him down the four hour trek.
Florida Man:
Unbelievable! Do you hear that crap?
Flo waves a scaly claw at the crowd, who maintain a respectful ten-foot-distance, before bowing in unison.
Everyone (forced English in unison):
Thank for you sacrifice!
The morning mist looks like steam shooting out of FML's snout. With an annoyed shake of his head, Florida Man continues to stomp down.
Florida Man:
...I was only in one.... under duress... if anyone should have that nickname it's fucking Wizard Sleeve Anus Izumi, who lost two of them! And you know that glass jawed bitch will be green with jealousy that he isn't more associated with that hot garbage concept!
In the shadow of the peak, the trail has yet to brighten, but neck breaking missteps won't slow the champion down. The pace quickens to put distance between him and his unfortunate Japanese fan club, forcing the videographer to almost trip alongside him. Cartoon eyes not on footing, Flo looks into the camera to address the audience even as his strides tease a Wile E. Coyote mountain roll.
Florida Man:
Folks might find that my nationalistic pride borders on deviant... but if loving Florida - so hard that it files a restraining order - is wrong? I don't wanna be right! Never been self-conscious about where I'm from, even when people might have laughed at my passion, and dismissed my antics as a one note forced joke. Despite a four year XHF stint where I was largely seen as the unfortunate lunatic fringe... I'd like to think that over time my optimism, commitment, and American Pussy Running ways - won over more than one hater. I have no regrets about my time in the XHF... J-RoK, not so much.
As the trail gets narrow, Florida Man is forced into a tight close-up.
Florida Man:
Kira Izumi. You want to talk about masks? Sounds like you're trying to direct the narrative, bookerman. Funny you're suddenly concerned about what's under mine... since day one, you've treated me worse than a dog. Oh this match has a LOT of bad blood, but don't pretend to be an injured party, you entitled prick. When the sands on Honolulu are painted red with your gore... that is the final chapter in our relationship. Not revenge. Do not feel hard done by... this is the natural conclusion to the hate you bred. Closure for me, karma for you.
A refresher...
This freelancer took Fireside's junior title shot, and proceeded to win the strap. I ended Bloodied Fox's historic streak, and with title in hand - I approached you. Our first meeting. You were very welcoming when I brought a global championship to your doorstep... but the actually promotional support was lacklustre. Yeah, forget that I was the only J-RoK worker with Network Era global singles glory other than Dylan Black, when that strap disappeared, I couldn't get a six-man tag to save my life.
So to EARN A LIVING... I moonlighted in GUNS Fight Club. Not a loyalty thing, I just want to work... what's the worst that can happen?
Oh, seems my J-RoK boss also has a passion for MMA.
PRO TIP. If you don't like how J-RoK is using you? Don't expose the promoter having a glass jaw.
So at that point, I'm HOT, but never used. A rare invitational like the Parade of Demons... only MY EMPLOYER decides to get revenge for the knockout in a "firework up the ass match." His idea. Which........ shouldn't exist? That isn't wrestling. It's a crime. As the promoter, that was him abusing power - and if he'd won, it would have basically been sexual assault. I'll never forgive him for putting me in that position.
...He lost by the way.
"But it wasn't all bad - you won titles!" The YTA championship. That's the weird location belt... so maybe they can use me if I never show up at arenas? Only they don't.... half a year goes by, and my phone is collecting dust. Frustrated, I use its unique setting status to defend IN OTHER companies... I'm getting defences under my belt, bringing value. Mistake that. Kira takes interest. He wants it. So playing off the bad blood from him trying to molest me with an explosive device, he puts himself in a title defence. ...and wins. Match ends with him IMMEDIATELY moving to the next feud, like I was only there to make him look good... and after putting my BOSS over, I don't get booked for seven months. ...It's not a good look.
So I go abroad.
W:UK's BATTLE OF BRITAIN... and 2023 FACE OF THE YEAR...
HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...
So many Epcot Mafia spectacles, that Marty has turned on twelve other tag partners just to keep it going.
And in a tournament that J-RoK couldn't fix, I finally put down Dar to become the XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION.
I like my title.
I respect my title.
I'd like join greats like Awesome and Black in running with it as long as possible...
I want to do the right thing, and keep it going until a better man comes along to take it off me.
Only, I can't do that here. I've got a "former promoter" who clearly still has HEAVY company ties, trying to puff up his own ego in an "open challenge" ...if you respected the XHF Hardcore title in J-RoK, you would never have put your name down, Kira.
I'm done. And as much as it pains me, I'm retiring with the belt. J-RoK can fill a vacated belt. Me? You retired me from J-RoK, Kira. You have enough wins over me. We're done.
And come Overheated, Kira... remember... you brought this flip on yourself.
Having said his peace, Florida Man returns his attention to the trail - which is finally enjoying the sunlight. He may just make it off this mountain yet.
Hitchhiker #2:
(Excuse me) Anal Exploding Hero, please to sign?
Ugh. One of his fellow mountain climbers holds out a Florida Man plush toy for an autograph. ...Then the dozen hikers behind him offer their own Florida collectibles.
Florida Man:
...Those are very specific items to bring on a ten hour climb.
Everyone:
ANAL EXPLOSION HERO FOREVER!
The gator shakes his head.
Florida Man:
....god damn you, Kira...
Deciding he can roll faster, Florida Man throws himself headfirst down the mountain. Three hours of rolling through trees and rocks at high speeds are NOTHING compared to what Flo's going to do to Izumi. Fade on a Goofy scream.