Post by Jonnie Valentine on Jul 5, 2024 16:57:28 GMT -5
Open up on an unruly Vegas crowd. There’s a woman dressed as a Vegas showgirl. There are fans holding up signs that say “Kill Phil”, “Would U LIke To Play A Game?”, “All Hail King Syberus”, “The Nihilists”, “Philthy Bitch”, “I Sleep on a California King, Tux”, “My Boy Kilroy”, “Embrace Eternity”, “Tony Bologna”, a picture of Syrus Wilder as a train and it says “Toot Toot”, “Be Fair To Team Fairtex”, “Esmur”, “Nobody Does It Better”, “Double Dutch”, someone is waving a UK flag and a fan has a “King Tux Sux” sign. There are two rings side by side with Guillermo and Phil standing at ringside
Phillip Blauer: Who’s that man with the horrid sign? Is that Kilroy?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans, and welcome to Wargames!
Phillip Blauer: A young man finds a back door into a military central computer in which reality is confused with game-playing, possibly starting World War III.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Phil, that’s the movie that Dusty got the name from. We will have your stable Philthy Rich and The Sheik take on Kilroy Evans, King Syberus, Roscoe Law, Joe Nobody, and Syrus Wilder.
Phillip Blauer: Well, why did they all team up?
Guillermo O’Bannon: They all hate you.
Phillip Blauer: Oh. Well, they can go soak their fat heads.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Plus we have an XHF Junior Heavyweight title match between champion Esmur, and former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Tuxedo Mask. But our first match is for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships as new champions Team Fairtex put their belts on the line against the Dutch Express!
“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and The Dutch Express, Harvey van Houten and Leonard van Dam walk out with “The Milkman’s Daughter” Klazina Van Dam. The two fun loving reddish husky guys come out on the ramp waving to the fans. Both men are wearing matching overalls. Klazina gracefully walks behind them dressed as a Dutch milk maid.
Phillip Blauer: (raises glass) Milk lady, over here!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The former Hardkore America Tag Team Champions Dutch Express respect Team Fairtex, but they’ve been watching film of them and feel that their accomplishments over the years have them primed to upset them for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships. They are heading into this match the same way they do for any other kind of match, and haven’t changed their routine, hoping consistency will be the key to victory.
Van Dam and van Houten along with Klazina slap hands with the fans on the way to the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Dutch Express were concerned about the safety of Leonard’s sister, Klazina van Dam, and advised her not to be at ringside.
Phillip Blauer: (with a milk mustache) What??
Guillermo O’Bannon: Klazina assured them that she is friends with them backstage but not sure how they will treat her during a match.
Phillip Blauer: Those two are probably more afraid of her then she is of them.
Yolanda Ando: The Dutch Express both wear overalls with open shirts underneath with black boots. Underneath, they wear brief trunks with the Dutch flag on the butt.
Guillermo O’Bannon: It will be a styles clash, but it should be a fun match to see. Harvey van Houten was here as a youth watching his father Suikerbossie wrestle Devastation in February 2009.
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentleman, and welcome to the T-Mobile Arena for tonight’s Wargames!”
The Las Vegas crowd cheers
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, The Challengers. Accompanied to the ring by their manager, ‘The Milkman’s Daughter’ Klazina van Dam; Originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in Cape Town, South Africa; Both Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; First, Weighing 250 pounds…HARVEY VAN HOUTEN!! His partner is also originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in San Francisco, California; 225 pounds…LEONARD VAN DAM!! They are the former Hardkore America Tag Team Champions…THE DUTCH EXPRESS!!!”
The audience pops for The Dutch Express
"UFC Remix" plays and the T-Mobile Arena cheers! Tong Fairtex comes to ringside accompanied by his brother Phantam with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship belts around their waists
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here they are, fresh off of defeating three time Hardkore World Tag Team Champions The Miracle Violence Combination II in Albuquerque, Team Fairtex. They also hold Dutch Express in high esteem…
Phillip Blauer: (Klazina is pouring him another glass) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone respects everyone. I bet they even respect referee Richie Richardson.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Let’s not get nuts. Team Fairtex think they’ll be a formidable challenge but they welcome such challenges, even putting it out there for teams all over the World to come to the West Coast and get a shot at the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions.
Yolanda Ando: Team Fairtex wears tight fitting MMA fighting trunks with a dragon and tiger on the sides and the Thailand Flag in the front and black wrestling boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. As children, these two saw their father The Shootfighter wrestle here in Vegas very often. Whether it was his January 2005 Hardkore America Heavyweight title match against Robert Hunglestien III, or his November 2005 falls count anywhere match with Tarrasque, the Vegas fans always knew they were in for a fight.
Tong Fairtex enters the ring and goes to each corner saying a prayer before going to his corner jumping up and down slapping and pounding his chest and face with his fists psyching himself up as his brother Phantam gives him instructions.
Greg Jin: “And their opponents; From Bangkok, Thailand; They both Stand 6 feet tall, and Weigh 235 pounds; TONG FAIRTEX!! PHANTAM FAIRTEX!! They are the Current HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…TEAM FAIRTEX!!!”
The Las Vegas fans let out a loud cheer for the tag team champs as they hold their belts up.
Hardkore World Tag Team Championship
Team Fairtex vs. The Dutch Express
Richie Richardson signals for the bell Tong Fairtex and Leonard van Dam start off
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex and Van Dam start off with a collar and elbow tie up, and van Dam grabs Tong’s arm in an arm wringer.
Van Dam ducks under Tong’s arm to give it another twist. Fairtex grimaces in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex uses his twisted arm, and gives him a Mexican arm drag. He applies an armbar.
Fairtex pulls up on van Dam’s arm, sticking his knee into the ball of Leonard’s shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam works his way back to his feet with Tong Fairtex hanging onto that armbar. Leonard uses his free arm to scoop Tong up and bodyslam him to the mat.
Van Dam goes to pick him up but Tong takes him over into a fireman’s carry. He grabs Leonard in a rear waistlock as they both get to their feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex drops him to the mat with a rear waistlock takedown, and then floats over into a side headlock.
Tong Fairtex grinds the headlock, and then flips him over his hip in a side headlock takedown. He reaches up and tags in Phantam Fairtex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong tags in his brother, and they double suplex Leonard van Dam!
Phantam irish whips Leonard van Dam into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex hits van Dam with a muay thai style dropkick!
The fans cheer and Phantam Fairtex scoops Leonard up and bodyslams him to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex grabs a reverse chinlock on Leonard van Dam, trying to wear the man down.
Phantam Fairtex is on one knee, pulling up on Leonard van Dam’s chin and jawline
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard’s sister Klazina van Dam trying to get the crowd involved on the outside.
Phillip Blauer: Jeez, is anyone in this match not related to someone else in the locker room?
Guillermo O’Bannon: (checks his notes) Uh, no. Leonard van Dam has now used the people’s enthusiasm to work his way back to his feet with Phantam Fairtex hanging onto that reverse chinlock. He drives an elbow into Fairtex’s stomach, and a second one frees him.
Leonard van Dam peppers Phantam Fairtex with boxing jabs, so Phantam responds with some muay thai punches
Phillip Blauer: As is the case with most disputes amongst the Thai and the Dutch, this has dissolved into a brawl.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantom Fairtex switches to headbutts and knocks Leonard van Dam to the mat. He tags in Tong and they double DDT van Dam!!
Tong Fairtex pulls Leonard van Dam up and hammerlocks both of his arms behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex double chicken wing suplexes Leonard van Dam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Leonard van Dam gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam struggles to get to his feet, so Tong comes off the ropes with a muay thai axe kick to the back of his head!
Tong pulls van Dam up by the hair, and tries to ram his face into the turnbuckle, but Leonard blocks it with his boot
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard smashes Fairtex’s face into the turnbuckle. He irish whips Fairtex into the ropes and hits him in the chest with a front kick!
Leonard van Dam tags in Harvey van Houten, and then twists Tong Fairtex’s arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten roundhouse kicks Tong while van Dam holds him by the twisted arm! He applies a crucifix armbar!
Harvey van Houten chokes up on Fairtex’s neck, while leg scissoring his arm. Richie Richardson checks in but Tong shakes his head
Phillip Blauer: Hey, did Harvey’s and the Milk Lady’s father, Suikerbossie ever wrestle Team Fairtex’s father, The Shootfighter?
Guillermo O’Bannon: All the time.
Phillip Blauer: That’s wild.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex scoots back until van Houten’s shoulders are pinned to the mat!
…ONE!
…Harvey van Houten releases the crucifix armbar
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten whacks Tong Fairtex with a knife edge chop to the chest. Fairtex responds with a palm strike to van Houten’s chest.
Harvey hits Tong with another chop, and then Tong strikes back with knife edge chop to his throat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Houten blasts Fairtex with another blistering chop, and then scoops him up and slams him over the ropes to the floor below!
The Las Vegas fans cheer. Harvey van Houten runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten dives through the ropes into a helicopter rana on Tong Fairtex!!
The audience pops! Phantom Fairtex enters the ring and runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantom Fairtex somersaults over the ropes into a flying senton that takes out both Harvey van Houten and Tong!!
The crowd gets louder and louder. Leonard van Dam enters the ring and walks over to the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam slingshots over the ropes into a plancha on Team Fairtex!!
Harvey van Houten rolls back into the ring and hits the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten baseball slide kicks Phantam Fairtex into the railing!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out an “OH!” at the sound of Fairtex hitting the railing. Tong Fairtex and Leonard van Dam brawl around ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: We have lost control of this one! Leonard van Dam thumbs Tong in the eye, and then belly to back suplexes him on the concrete!
Harvey van Houten runs at Phantam Fairtex but he cuts him off with a muay thai kick to the chest
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex grabs Harvey by the hair and runs him face first into the corner post!!
The crowd lets out another “OH!” and Leonard van Dam climbs up to the apron. Van Dam stands up on the apron while Phantam makes sure his brother is okay
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam gets a running start and takes both of the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions out with a plancha off the apron!!
The audience cheers. Harvey van Houten has blood trickling down his forehead from a laceration over his eyebrow as he pulls himself up by the guardrail
Phillip Blauer: Team Fairtex has drawn first blood.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex pulls van Houten’s head into his legs, and then lifts him up, spiking his head into the concrete with a piledriver!!
Leonard van Dam pulls Phantam Fairtex up by the hair, and then pops the bent over Phantam with a kneelift.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam whacks Tong Fairtex with a spinning heel kick at ringside here!
Tong Fairtex gets to his feet as Leonard van Dam climbs up to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Dam gets a running start and jumps off with a cross body but Tong gets out of the way and Leonard lands on the hard concrete!!
The audience lets out another “OH!” Tong Fairtex waits for Leonard to get back to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex clotheslines Leonard van Dam on the floor! Phantam Fairtex lifts Harvey van Houten up into a belly to back suplex onto the apron!!
Tong Fairtex pulls van Dam up and pulls his head into his legs near the announce position. Phil’s butler, Worthington comes over and taps Phil on the shoulder
Worthington: Beg your pardon, sir, but perhaps you should move?
Phillip Blauer: Hmm? Oh, yes. Very good. Thank you, Worthington.
Phil collects his stuff and leaves the announce position.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? Why? Oh.
Tong Fairtex powerbombs Leonard van Dam on the announce position, sending milk and papers flying
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam was just powerbombed onto our table! He’s lying here in front of me, while Phantam Fairtex has rolled a bleeding Harvey van Houten back into the ring.
Tong Fairtex rolls back into the ring and then slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh no.
Guillermo gets out of dodge as Tong Fairtex springboard sentons Leonard van Dam onto the announce table!! It doesn’t break, adding to the impact. Phantom Fairtex enters the ring, but gets caught with a spinning backfist by Harvey van Houten. Harvey then drops down into a jawbreaker! Phantom rolls out of the ring, as Tong climbs up to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: (putting his headset back on) Hello? Danny, can you hear me? Mic check, one two, one two? You got me, Kenny? Ok, sorry folks, we’re back.
Phillip Blauer: (having Klazina refill his milk glass) Well, that was harrowing.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex grabs a bloody Harvey van Houten with a muay thai clinch, and then hits him in the body with some knee strikes.
Fairtex pulls van Houten’s head into his legs, and attempts a powerbomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong goes for a powerbomb, but Harvey spins around his shoulders and tumbles forward into a victory roll!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tong Fairtex kicks out!
Harvey van Houten lifts Tong Fairtex up into a crotch tie position, with his arm threaded through his own legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten pumphandles him up into a powerslam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tong Fairtex kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Houten applies an arm trap crossface!
The crowd cheers as Harvey van Houten locks together his hands and pulls up on Tong’s head and arm. Klazina van Dam pounds on the apron in celebration as referee Richie Richardson checks in to see if Fairtex wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten rocking back on the crossface, trying to force Tong Fairtex to tap out and relinquish the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships!
Tong shakes his head, refusing to give up while Phantam Fairtex stands in their corner, reaching his arm out. Blood drips down Harvey van Houten’s face as Klazina helps her brother, Leonard van Dam back up to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex too far away from those ropes to reach them. Harvey pushing back with those legs, but Tong tucks his head and rolls out of the arm trap crossface!
The crowd cheers and Tong struggles up to his feet. Harvey van Houten walks into an enzuigiri kick by Fairtex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bangkok Blast!
Tong tags in his brother Phantam, who climbs to the top turnbuckle. Tong irish whips Harvey into the ropes and catches him with a belly to belly suplex. Phantom jumps off the top with a swanton bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Air Fairtex!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Team Fairtex win their first title defense!
The UFC remix plays and the audience cheers! Richie Richardson hands Tong and Phatam their Hardkore World Tag Team title belts and they celebrate
Greg Jin: “At 18 minutes 11 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…TEAM FAIRTEX!!!”
Tong Fairtex checks to see if Harvey van Houten is ok, and he signals that he is, as Klazina van Dam tends to him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Team Fairtex sends an important message to the tag team scene here in XHF that they are the team to beat on the West Coast! We’ve got the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship coming up next, don’t go away!
Open on Phillip Blauer on a TV studio set in a Santa hat
Phillip Blauer: Well, Christmas is right around the corner. Have you got all your shopping done? I know, I just started! But what is every little boy and girl going to want under their tree? Phunko Phil!
Phillip Blauer: That’s right. Now you can take all the fun and excitement of Hardkore World home with you, at least the important stuff. Me, Phunko Phil!
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Phillip Blauer: Not doing to well on the job, and boss is about ready to can you? Just slip him one of these bad boys and pretend to be surprised when you get promoted. Phunko Phil!
Phillip Blauer: Do you have a grandmother or other elderly loved one that you’d like to be there for, but just don’t want to find the time? Just next day air her a Phunko Phil, and maybe she’ll tell it where she’s hiding all her gold. Phunko Phil!
Phillip Blauer: Problem in the bedroom, fellas? Can’t get the little lady to Funkytown like you used to? Well, never fear, just put this handsome stranger on the night stand, and let her stare at it, and nature will takes its course. Phunko Phil!
Phillip Blauer: Act now, while supplies last. There’s only 9 million of these in a warehouse in Secaucus. Phunko Phil!
Fade up on Phil and Guillermo next to the two rings
Guillermo O’Bannon: I can’t think of a worse thing you could give someone.
Phil is drinking another glass of milk
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, I don’t think you should be drinking that much milk. It’s like 110 degrees out and I don’t think she was refrigerating any of that.
Phillip Blauer: Nonsense. It does a body good. I can feel the hormones coursing through my veins. This was a good cow.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship match between Esmur and Hardkore California Champion Tuxedo Mask.
“Zerospace” by Kidneythieves plays and the T-Mobile Arena boos. Tuxedo Mask steps through the curtain with a crown and scepter. He stands at the side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak in the heckling with his Hardkore California belt held up high in the air. Fans on that side hold up signs that say “The Nihilists”, “Embrace Eternity”, and “I Sleep on a California King, Tux”. He walks to the other side of the ramp. Tux pumps up the fans to jeer him on that side where they have signs that say “Esmur'' and “King Tux Sux”.
Phillip Blauer: You see? That is true royalty, not the ham handed way Syberus tries to steal this gimmick.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus was doing this first.
Phillip Blauer: That seems like something I would remember. Boy howdy, that is quite the ugly reaction for Tuxedo Mask.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, you have to understand that Esmur is a fixture here in Las Vegas, as a major star of Sin City Championship Wrestling, while the last time Tuxedo Mask was here was in January of 2023 when he and Kilroy lost their Hardkore World Tag Team titles to “The Punisher” Dan Stein and “The High Roller” Wesley Crane in a ladder match.
Phillip Blauer: (folds his arms) I understand nothing.
Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to start his entrance. But the audience boos his acrobatics
Phillip Blauer: You can’t impress these people, the Blue Man Group shows up for Stephanie’s birthday at work.
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Santa Fe, Tuxedo Mask was trying to show off to Esmur who was watching from the front row. Esmur responded by burning King Tux’s royal robe.
Phillip Blauer: That is sedition!
King Tux slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of hatred before preparing for the match
Yolanda Ando: Tuxedo Mask wears a fancy tuxedo with white gloves and a white ballroom mask.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Interestingly enough, the last time we were in Las Vegas we also had an XHF Junior Heavyweight title defense, when champion Eron Hunter successfully defended his title against Marty Donovan in January of 2023.
Phillip Blauer: Hey! You said it would be interesting. Bait and switch! I, on the other hand, have actual breaking news. Sources in the camp of King Tux say he’s plotting to expand his Californian empire by annexing Vegas. However, these same sources deny reports that it is for the brothels.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, well, no one believes that. Tuxedo Mask is in hostile territory for sure, but he always steals the show and this time it could win him the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: (holds the IFB earpiece) This just in. It is now confirmed that it is definitely not for the brothels, King Tux just really likes the shows.
Guillermo O’Bannon: As we saw on TMZ, Tux was nearly arrested in Irvine after a disturbance at a local Baskin Robbins.
Phillip Blauer: We may not show up much at XHF Global events, but Hardkore World is all over the police blotter. From Moondog Dook alone.
Greg Jin: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, the challenger; from Tokushima, Japan. Standing 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure; The Current HARDKORE CALIFORNIA CHAMPION… KING TUXEDO MASK!!!"
The T Mobile Arena dims down to pitch blackness. Two male voices are heard saying, “EMBRACE … ETERNITY” The Xtremetron begins to show images of the Nihilists, Gebin flying around the ring and Esmur grounding his foes.
Phillip Blauer: Do we have rights to this footage?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure. Hopefully Sin City Championship Wrestling lawyers aren’t watching this at 1am.
Phillip Blauer: Hoping a Las Vegas lawyer isn’t awake at one in the morning may be the biggest gamble of all. By the way, where did he get that cool Tux action figure? We have to find a new manufacturer after our Tinto was a choking hazard and the Captain Righteous had lead paint.
It flashes the masks of the Nihilists before burning them away and revealing the two men standing back to back on the screen. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed begins to play and a single light brown spotlight illuminates the stage. On the stage stands Gebin, hair flowing, wearing his light up Covid Mask and illuminated battle gloves.
Phillip Blauer: Is his gimmick that he has covid? Keep him away from me. If I get covid one more time I get a free sub at the hospital cafeteria.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur is deeply proud of the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, and points to its decades long history and the long line of great champions of the past as proof of it being the second most prestigious title in XHF.
Gebin raises his hands and the columns of LED light illuminate the stage in purple. Stepping into the brown spotlight walks Esmur complete with his luchador mask. He steps up and stares into the ring before looking out at the Las Vegas faithful. He is wearing a tan robe that is adorned with religious iconography from pretty much every religion, the symbols are all drawn on fire for emphasis. He pulls his robe off into his arms and tosses it at his feet as a column of red light illuminates it. This reveals his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, which he pats as he begins to move. He steps ten feet onto the ramp before stopping as flames erupt all around him. He shakes and shudders as if reliving some nightmare. He slowly reaches for his face and finally he tears off his mask, revealing his scarred face and his bald head and goatee.
Phillip Blauer: Egads. Get a load of that kisser.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil! That’s not nice. He’s a guest. It’s hard enough to get people out here.
Phillip Blauer: Well look at the poor chap. I bet his mother had morning sickness after he was born.
Guillermo O’Bannon: God, Phil, have some respect. He was burned in an inferno match against MAJESTY out in Philly for Fireside.
Phillip Blauer: I calls them as I sees them.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur has watched all of Tuxedo Mask’s big matches over the years, and refuses to be taken in by his persona and will focus on out wrestling the veteran.
Esmur rubs the scorch marks on his head before hurling his mask backwards as he marches to the ring with purpose. Gebin follows him and catches the mask as he tosses it. They pass signs that say “Esmur” and “The Nihilists”
Phillip Blauer: Are both of them wrestling King Tux? That hardly seems fair.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Phil. Gebin is just here for moral support.
Phillip Blauer: Well, seems clingy to me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur says all kings eventually fall, and that’s what’s happening here tonight.
Phillip Blauer: It’s true. You never see that Burger King anymore. Except in my nightmares.
Esmur rolls into the center of the ring and the spotlight illuminates him. Esmur slowly lifts his head as he appears to nearly be frothing at the mouth.
Phillip Blauer: Good gravy, he’s got rabies!! Someone call the pound!
The spotlight becomes flame orange as he throws his arms to the side and shouts, hyping himself up. He then slowly lowers his arms and laughs a sickening laugh as he leans against the turnbuckle, flicking a lighter open (and lit) and shut as he awaits the bell, staring a hole into Tuxedo Mask
Yolanda Ando: Esmur wears a Nihilist-themed bodysuit which is long and dirt brown. On the right leg is the SCCW logo and a flame decal. On the left leg down the side reads Embrace and Eternity in two columns. His name adorns the seat of the pants.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Esmur won the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship from Star Trekker back in March at an SCCW show here in Vegas. He defended it against Tap Out’s Jason Long in Detroit, then back in Vegas for a Wrestle: UK title defense against Cheez.
Phillip Blauer: This guy is more Vegas than an oxygen tank leaning on a slot machine!
The song and lights fade back to normal as he hands Hardkore Timekeeper Randy Valentine Jr. his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship belt and lighter, as Gebin takes his place at ringside near the commentary booth in a steel chair he has set up
Greg Jin: "And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his partner Gebin; From St. Louis, Missouri; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 205 pounds; He is The Current XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ESMUR!!!"
The crowd roars with the loudest pop of the night so far. Esmur doesn’t acknowledge the response, he just continues to stare down Tuxedo Mask, who avoids his gaze. The T-Mobile Center starts chanting “ESMUR!! ESMUR!! ESMUR!!”
XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship
Esmur vs. Tuxedo Mask
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell as Esmur and Tuxedo Mask circle one another cautiously, each looking for an openingGuillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask goes for a lock up, but Esmur whacks him with a stiff kick to the calf. Another kick to his ankle.
The Nevada crowd pops for each kick. Tuxedo Mask backs into the corner and sticks his head through the second and top rope. Kelly O’Connell gets in between them and calls for a break
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly looking for a clean break, and gets it from Esmur.
The audience applauds the show of good sportsmanship as Esmur backs away with his hands in the air. Tuxedo Mask cautions the referee, saying “Get him back, Kelly. Get him back.”
Phillip Blauer: Kelly’s gotta get him back.
Guillermo O’Bannon: She is.
Esmur nods and backs up, giving King Tux the space to come out of the corner. Tuxedo Mask trepidatiously ducks his head and torso back into the ring. He then begins to circle Esmur again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask locks up with Esmur, and Esmur takes him over into a side headlock takedown. Esmur now grinding that headlock on the mat.
Esmur presses his forearm into his temple, while Tuxedo Mask tries to get back to a vertical base
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur presses Tuxedo Mask’s shoulders to the mat in that headlock.
…ONE!
…Tuxedo Mask rolls him back onto his shoulders in a cradle!
…ONE!
…Esmur rolls back into the side headlock on the mat!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux finally fights his way back to his feet with Esmur hanging onto that headlock. He slips his head out and hangs onto Esmur’s arm, twisting it into a wristlock.
The audience jeers as Tux confidently holds onto the wrist of Esmur’s twisted arm. He looks over at Gebin sitting at ringside
Phillip Blauer: His Majesty is back in control now.
Tuxedo Mask gets close to the corner, and runs up the turnbuckles onto the top rope, while holding onto Esmur’s twisted arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tightrope walks along the top rope!
Phillip Blauer: All hail the King of California! What other miracles is he capable of?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux jumps off with a springboard la majistral!
…ONE!
…Esmur kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both men roll to their feet, and Esmur catches a running Tux with a flying headscissors takedown! He grabs a reverse chinlock.
The T-Mobile Arena applauds as Esmur sits in on his reverse chinlock. He sticks his knee into the back to increase the pressure
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur pulls up on that chinlock, constricting his jawline. Tuxedo Mask works his way to his feet, but Esmur doesn’t give up on the reverse chinlock. Tux lands an elbow to Esmur’s midsection, and a second one frees him from his grasp. He hooks Esmur up, plants his feet, and nearly snap suplexes him out of his boots!
Esmur clutches the small of his back and the crowd boos. Tuxedo Mask pulls Esmur up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry
Phillip Blauer: King Tux has to win this for us beautiful people. Can the handsome get a fair shake for once?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask twirls Esmur throat first onto the top rope in a TKO hotshot!
Esmur flops around the mat like a stunned fish, clutching his throat. The crowd chants “ESMUR! ESMUR! ESMUR!” Esmur struggles to get his breath while Gebin shouts words of encouragement from his folding chair at ringside. Tuxedo Mask steps through the ropes out onto the apron
Phillip Blauer: What is that guy’s deal? He needs a chair to sit in? I bet he dozes off and misses the finish.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux slingshots himself over the ropes and drills Esmur’s skull into the canvas with a DDT!!
The impact shoots Esmur up to his knees and then he falls flat on his face. The Las Vegas crowd boos. Tuxedo Mask pulls Esmur up into a side headlock in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Tux runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop bulldog!!
The T-Mobile Center jeers and begins chanting “KING TUX SUX! KING TUX SUX! KING TUX SUX!” Tuxedo Mask throws his arms up in disbelief. He climbs to the second turnbuckle
Phillip Blauer: Don’t listen to them, Your Highness! These people love Paul Anka! He can’t walk down The Strip or he’ll be torn to pieces!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask goes for a split legged moonsault but Esmur puts his knees up!!
The crowd comes to life! Tuxedo Mask holds his ribs and stomach, kicking his heels into the mat in pain. Esmur tries to pull himself up by the ropes, rubbing his cheekbone. A seated Gebin applauds from the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur applies the abdominal stretch on Tuxedo Mask. He plants his foot and wrenches back on Tux’s trapped arm.
Kelly O’Connell checks in on Tuxedo Mask, but he shakes his head. The audience chants “ESMUR! ESMUR! ESMUR!” at Gebin’s prompting
Phillip Blauer: That Jebbin really steams my beans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Who’s Jebbin?
Phillip Blauer: Esmur’s stooge sitting in the folding chair. Is he going to show up with an ottoman soon?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Gebin. With a hard G. And that’s his tag team partner. And why does this bother you so much?
Phillip Blauer: It just burns my biscuits seeing that guy struttin’ ass around my territory…
Guillermo O’Bannon: He wrestles in Vegas every month.
Phillip Blauer: …sitting in a chair that could be used for other, more worthy employees.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Like who? The lady who charges $22.50 for french fries?!?
Phillip Blauer: Oh, like that’s a lot of money? I recently paid $900 for an egg mcmuffin at a local Scottish joint I frequent, McDonald’s.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why would you do that?
Phillip Blauer: I dunno? He took it. By the way, you must try the french cut fried potatoes there. They are to die for.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur using that four inch height advantage to lean back on the abdominal stretch, nearly bending Tuxedo Mask in half!
The crowd urges Tuxedo Mask to quit. Finally, Esmur releases the abdominal stretch and atomic drops Tuxedo Mask on the top turnbuckle’s steel cable hook. He then peels him back into a tree of woe
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur fires off a few kicks to Tuxedo Mask’s exposed knees while Tux is in a tree of woe!
The Nevada fans give Esmur an “OH!” with each kick. Kelly O’Connell intervenes and backs Esmur out of the corner. Tuxedo Mask crumples into a heap against the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur drags him out into the center of the ring and applies a head scissors.He clamps down on Tux’s head, trapped between his powerful calves.
Phillip Blauer: Damn those powerful thighs of his. Damn them to hell.
Tuxedo Mask kicks out, trying to free himself from the head scissors. Esmur does a push up to increase the pressure between his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is able to get his feet under him. He slips his head out from between Esmur’s legs and hits a now sitting Esmur with a shining wizard!
The crowd yells out “OH!” again at the sound of Tux’s foot hitting his temple. Tuxedo Mask pulls him up and irish whips him into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur runs up the turnbuckles and then twists back, catching an oncoming Tuxedo Mask with a flying body press!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask rolls it over!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Esmur kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask rolls to his feet and tries to kick him, but Esmur catches his foot. Tux swings around with a roundhouse enzuigiri!
The air goes out of the T-Mobile Arena. Tuxedo Mask pulls him up and irish whips Esmur so hard into the corner that he falls. Tux does a cartwheel into a handspring into a bronco buster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxbuster!
Phillip Blauer: How benevolent. He’s blessing this peasant with the royal jewels.
Tuxedo Mask pulls him out of the corner and sets Esmur’s chest against the second rope. He points at the Vegas showgirl in the audience and makes a “call me” signal
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Tux hits the ropes and dives through the top and second, hooking back around into a 619 kick!!
Esmur back pedals away from the ropes, and Tuxedo Mask slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask springboard dragon ranas Esmur!!
The crowd boos and chants “KING TUX SUX! KING TUX SUX! KING TUX SUX!” Tuxedo Mask yells back at them, “Oh yeah?? Watch this!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux hauls off and slugs Esmur in the face!
Esmur just looks at him and the audience pops. Tux looks at his fist to see why it didn’t work, and then tries to talk some sense into Esmur
Phillip Blauer: Kneel! Kneel before your King of California!
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s from St. Louis, Phil. Tuxedo Mask tries to sneak in a kick, but Esmur catches his leg and dragon screws him to the mat! He hangs onto Tux’s foot and DDTs the bottom of his foot into the mat!
Tux sits up in pain and grabs at his leg. But Esmur steps on his knee and uses the ropes for balance. Kelly O’Connell gives him a five count to break because he’s using the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur standing on Tuxedo Mask’s knee!
Kelly finally gets Esmur to get off his knee, and he waits for Tux to get back to his knees. He gets a running start and gives Tuxedo Mask a kinshasa kick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Clarity!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Esmur climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Tuxedo Mask pulls his foot out and crotches him on the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur trapped on the top. Tuxedo Mask climbs to the second rope in front of him and kangaroo kicks him to the floor!!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Esmur tumbles to the ground. Tuxedo Mask checks his knee and hobbles a bit. He goes to the other side of the ring, and then does a no hands sasuke special over the ropes onto the rising Esmur
Guillermo O’Bannon: Twilight Dance!! He lands perfectly on his feet and slides back into the ring, He runs into the ropes and baseball slides under the ropes into a helicopter rana on the floor!!
The jeering and heckling from the Nevada fans gets worse. Tuxedo Mask lifts Esmur up into an inverted facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask reverse suplexes Esmur’s stomach on the guardrail!!
The audience lets out an “OH!” at the sound of Esmur’s stomach striking the railing. Tuxedo Mask picks up a chair and climbs up to the apron. Esmur flops to the floor, and then stands up
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Tux hops onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault, smashing that chair into his face!!
The crowd lets out another “OH!” at the chair crashing against Esmur’s face. Tuxedo Mask rolls him back into the ring. Tux rolls into the ring and pulls Esmur up into a front facelock, then steps up to the second turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux jumps off with a tornado DDT but Esmur reverses it into a spinebuster! He hangs onto his legs and turns him over into a sharpshooter!
The fans roar as Esmur pulls back on Tuxedo Mask’s crossed legs, sitting as low as he can. Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Tux wants to tap out but he shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask reaches out for the ropes but he’s too far out. Esmur rolls him back onto his back, cloverleafs his legs and sticks his knees into Mask’s back; dropping down into a cloverleaf backbreaker!
Esmur climbs to the top turnbuckle and then flips off into a swanton bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Void!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask rolls his shoulder up!
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur wraps up his legs and falls down into a Twisted Belief indian deathlock! He pushes his foot against his knee, twisting it to the side.
The crowd cheers as Tuxedo Mask tries to hang on. He sits up, shaking his head, refusing to give up to Kelly O’Connell
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur stands up in a standing version of the Twisted Belief, then falls back to the mat, putting pressure on that knee.
Tuxedo Mask sits up again in agony, looking for any way out. He reaches out for the ropes, and tries to untangle their legs unsuccessfully
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask sits up and punches Esmur over and over until he finally escapes the Twisted Belief.
Esmur pulls himself up by the ropes, but Tuxedo Mask gets underneath him with a saito suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Esmur kicks out!
Tuxedo Mask steps on the backs of Esmur’s knees and rolls him up into a dragon sleeper mexican surfboard
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxmission!! Tux bending Esmur in half, pushing up on his knees with his feet, while peeling back on his head and neck with that inverted facelock!
The audience chants “ESMUR!! ESMUR!! ESMUR!!” urging him not to give up. Gebin shouts words of encouragement from his chair
Phillip Blauer: He can’t hear you from there.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur refusing to give up, so Tuxedo Mask finally releases the Tuxmission, and pulls him up into a crotch-tie position. He pumphandles him up into a Rosegarden juvi driver!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Esmur kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off with a corkscrew 450 splash but Esmur rolls out of the way!!
The crowd comes to life as Esmur struggles to his feet! He motions for Tuxedo Mask to get to his feet. When Tux finally does, he runs up and catches him from behind with a zig zag
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fade Out!
With Tux on his stomach, Esmur crosses Tuxedo Mask’s legs, puts his foot against them, and then rolls him up into his haas of pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shatterscape!!
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur rolls up Tux’s legs, bending his spine into a C. He’s been wearing down that knee for the past 24 minutes, and now he’s trying to cash in with the Shatterscape!
The fans are on their feet, cheering their lungs out. Gebin urges Esmur to finish him from ringside. Kelly O’Connell checks in but Tuxedo Mask refuses to give up as his face is grinding into the canvas
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur rocks back on the Shatterscrape and Tux’s knees and back are at their breaking point!
Tuxedo Mask tries to do a push up to escape the Shatterscape, but Esmur cinches it in even harder to put him back on the mat. Kelly O’Connell again asks Tux if he wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask taps out to the Shatterscape!!
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell and the Nevada crowd cheers. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed plays as Gebin slides into the ring to hand Esmur the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and help him to his feet
Greg Jin: “At 26 minutes 21 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ESMUR!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Esmur makes another successful title defense of the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, this time here in Hardkore World!
Gebin motions for them to leave, but Esmur tells him to hold on. He walks back to the center of the ring. Esmur extends his hand out to Tuxedo Mask
Phillip Blauer: A California king will not sully his hand with that of a Missouri commoner. Especially with whatever that skin condition he has.
Guillermo O’Bannon: They’re severe burns, Phil. They just tore the house down and Esmur offering his hand out of respect to what he and Tuxedo Mask just went through.
The T-Mobile Arena urges an exhausted, limping Tuxedo Mask to accept his handshake as King Tux stares at Esmur’s hand
Phillip Blauer: I wouldn’t do it unless Esmur curtsied first.
King Tuxedo wipes some sweat from his mouth, and then after some trepidation, shakes his hand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask shakes his hand!
The fans cheer and Gebin applauds. Esmur and Tuxedo Mask raise each other’s arms and point to one another
Guillermo O’Bannon: An amazing match tonight between these two where Esmur was able to be the victor! Stay tuned we have the WarGames match, coming up!
Fade up to Kevin Valentine Jr. standing in the ring
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Folks, I am here tonight to interview one of the people involved in the strangest thing going on in Hardkore World right now, and that is high praise. Captain Righteous, before being banned for 30 days for injuring Simon Cruise, kidnapped Domino and put “The Punisher” Dan Stein out of action. She’s now being looked after by my next guest, Lady Liberty.
“Negasonic Teenage Warhead” by Monster Magnet plays and Lady Liberty is slowly lowered from the ceiling as the audience boos. Her cape flaps majestically with her hands on her hips. She lands in the ring, perfectly next to Kevin Valentine Jr.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Lady Liberty, thank you for joining me. But I also wanted to talk to Domino as well. Is she here?
Lady Liberty: Yes she is, I’m not sure what the hold up is, she should have walked out here al…
The T-Mobile Arena darkens, and the reassuring tones of Ron Burgundy are heard.
Ron Burgundy: Ladies and Gentlemen, Hardkore fans of Las Vegas! Can I please have your attention? I have been handed an urgent... and horrifying news story! The Danimal has entered the building!
The lights abruptly come on again and the crowd erupts. “Thunderhorse” by Dethklok plays as the crowd leaps to their feet. Lady Liberty gulps and looks to the entrance way
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein is back!
Dan Stein emerges out of the crowd and steps into the ring, behind an unaware Lady Liberty. She slowly turns around and sees the seething Dan Stein
Phillip Blauer: Get out of there, Libby! Up, up, and away!
Lady Liberty turns around and walks out of the ring, backing away as Dan Stein yells threats for her to take back to Captain Righteous
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lady Liberty heading for the high ground, away from the man they tried to take everything from!
Lady Liberty turns to step through the curtain when suddenly a shockingly loud “THUNK!” is heard and Liberty drops through the curtain, back onto the entranceway.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What was that??
Domino walks out to an earsplitting pop with The Peacemaker wooden staff in her hands
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Domino!!
Phillip Blauer: That’s not being a very considerate hostage.
Domino stands over Lady Liberty’s sprawled out body, pointing The Peacemaker at Dan Stein who is shaking the ropes, and feeding on the intensity of the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein and Domino are back, and it looks like Captain Righteous and Lady Liberty’s day of reckoning will be at English Rage in Manchester! Fans, we’ll be right back!
Fade up on Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr., Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr. putting the finishing touches on the Wargames double steel cage. The roof is open this year
Phillip Blauer: Are you still an intern after three years?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess so. Fans, as you see, we have removed the roof off of the cage this year to allow for more high flying moves.
Phillip Blauer: That’s right, because Philthy Rich is roofless!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Don’t. It all started back in February in Los Angeles when in the middle of the LA Freeway match, Alexander Von Blankenship and Marty Donovan hopped out of the trunks of the cars and attacked Kilroy Evans, allowing him to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. It was revealed that Phil used his newfound money from his wife Dorothy passing to buy a stable that he calls Philthy Rich.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah, we started as Philthy Animals, but then it hit me in the shower. “Philthy Rich!” You see? Because I was filthy in there, as well as being rich.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You couldn’t even get that right.
Phillip Blauer: I guess not.
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Phoenix in March, Kilroy got a measure of revenge. He and his old partner Andrew Karnage won the Hardkore World Tag Team titles from Philthy Rich in a ladder match. Meanwhile, Alexander Von Blankenship had been tormenting Joe Nobody with mysterious messages and costing him matches against Syberus in LA and Dan Stein in Phoenix. Along with that, Anthony Jordan and Bobby Nowa came down to the ring and challenged Roscoe Law to a stretcher match at Palm Springs Punishment 2024. At Palm Springs Punishment, AVB rudely interrupted John “Catman” Wilder’s Lifetime Achievement Award, angering his son Syrus; and won the Hardkore California Championship from Joe Nobody by use of a padlock in a sock.
Phillip Blauer: All in all, a full day for Alexander.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law put Bobby Nowa on the shelf in that stretcher match, driving off with him in an ambulance. In the main event, Alexander Von Blankenship and Marty Donovan once again interfered in the dog collar steel cage match with Kilroy Evans to keep the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on Florida Man.
Phillip Blauer: Money well spent.
Phil gets distracted by a fly, and then smashes it in a $100 bill. He crumples the dead fly in the $100 bill and then throws it over his shoulder. Guillermo sighs
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Albuquerque last month, newest Philthy Rich member Anthony Jordan scored a win over Roscoe Law in a steel cage match with the help of Phil here and his chain.
Phillip Blauer: Moi? I was just giving the man a dap, as the children say. Keepin it real is the Blau Dog way.
Guillermo O’Bannon: However, Alexander Von Blankenship lost his Hardkore California Championship to Tuxedo Mask after Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder and a returning Joe Nobody distracted him. Now it all comes to a head as Philthy Rich teams with The Sheik to take on Kilroy, King Syberus, Roscoe Law, Joe Nobody, and Syrus Wilder!
The bell rings as Greg Jin stands next to the cage at ringside
Greg Jin: “The following is a Wargames Match! Two men will enter and wrestle for 5 minutes, then a man from the next team, determined by coin flip, will enter. A man from either team will enter every two minutes. The match cannot end until all 10 men are in the match, and then it can only end by pinfall or submission!”
Joe Nobody comes out and Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a nice tight shot of his face. Joe smirks and adjusts his tie. Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder walks out next followed by Roscoe Law, who stands at the top of the stage as he surveys the roaring audience’s reaction. Kilroy comes out looking relaxed and smiling
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here they are, the men who are trying to stop Phil from taking over Hardkore World, and the horrible ramifications that would entail.
Phillip Blauer: Hey! We’re already on at 1am, how much worse could I do? Where is their King?
Torches of flame gently flicker into life either side of the entrance and lining the ramp. After a few moments, courtiers wearing King Syberus's heraldry carry him out on a throne held on their shoulders
Phillip Blauer: My word, is he going to do this every show? You know how wasteful that is?
Phil waves his arms and knocks over his glass of milk
Phillip Blauer: Oops. sorry. Let me get that.
Phil takes a wad of bills out of his inside pockets and crumples them up, wiping the milk up with them
Phillip Blauer: Worthington?
Phil’s butler offers him a trash can to throw out his money. Syrus Wilder, Roscoe and Kilroy Evans walk down the aisle, slapping some fans' hands on the way to the ring. King Syberus is carried towards the ring, and he holds a hand up in an appreciative salute to them all. Kilroy points to signs that say “Kill Phil”, “Would U LIke To Play A Game?”, “All Hail King Syberus”, “Philthy Bitch”, “My Boy Kilroy”, “Tony Bologna”, a picture of Syrus Wilder as a train and it says “Toot Toot”, “Nobody Does It Better”, someone is waving a UK flag, and he kisses the Vegas showgirl on the cheek. Wilder goes all along ringside, shaking hands and high fiving people in the front row.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy is embarrassed for his teammates to have to shed blood over his dispute with you, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: I should be the one embarrassed, buster. I have to spend my hard earned dough doing what CET or coronary artery disease should have done by now. Retire Kilroy Evans. Do you know how many swans I could have bought for this kind of moolah? Two, maybe three. And then the man has the absolute gallstones to open a Waffle House across the street from Marty’s in Attbury?? It’s already been made to be a defacto city hall! All of Attbury’s most powerful people stay there all day, making important decisions for the town. The mayor, the deputy mayor/deputy sheriff, the donut shop owner, and Rita, the town prostitute/other donut shop owner.
As Joe Nobody makes it up two steps and stops before turning around to give a teenage girl in a Coachella Valley Firebirds jersey his signature fedora. Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. takes a shot of her shouting that Joe Nobody is number one.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody went back to his hometown, Mexican Town in Detroit.
Phillip Blauer: Now, I saw that little ditty, and first of all, that’s an odd name for a theme park, but I guess it’s better than Great Adventure. But I have to say it was a selfish decision to subject our production crews to his criminal element. We’ve had to use freelance photographers all month because our regular guys have been tied up in court, testifying about all the murders.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. was held for contempt because he didn’t own a pair of pants for court. But Joe says he will earn the respect he has in his neighborhood in the ring here tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Well, he earned that from being the barrio’s IT guy. We’ll see how that translates in the cage.
Once at the base of the ramp, steps are lowered from Syberus's throne in order for him to climb down. He approaches the ring and is followed by several of the courtiers, who then assist him in removing his crown, deep red cloak and chainmail shirt.
Phillip Blauer: This guy has lost it. They ought to call him the Mad King.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus wants his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship back, and wants to start by beating his Philthy Rich stable.
King Syberus then steps up onto the ring apron, wipes his feet, and steps through the ropes. He climbs a turnbuckle with the Hardkore West Coast Championship strapped around his waist, and raises two open hands in acknowledgement of the crowd. Joe Nobody enters the ring and points at the crowd before clapping his hands together
Yolanda Ando: Roscoe has short salt and pepper hair and sports a short salt and pepper beard. He wears long black tights with a fat red stripe down each side. His boots are black with “LAW” printed in red on them. Kilroy is wearing a white “Wizards of the Lost Kingdom” t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. Joe Nobody wears a white button up shirt, black tie, black vest with the words "Nobody is Perfect" on the back. He has black boots with white accents of toe and heels, and black pants. King Syberus wears long silver tights with boots, kick pads and knee pads all in a contrasting dark brown to resemble leather. From the waist down front and back he wears a knee length tabard of deep red with a golden lion rampant emblazoned in the center front.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Roscoe is looking forward to this match, if not for just the fun of mixing it up with everyone in the cage.
Phillip Blauer: What is that guy’s deal? This isn’t a game. This is my life.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, it is called WarGames.
Greg Jin: “Featuring first, he Hails From The Rails; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds…SYRUS ‘THE STEAM WHISTLE’ WILDER!!! From Green Bay, Wisconsin; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 248 pounds...ROSCOE LAW!!! From Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds…KILROY EVANS!! From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 195 pounds…JOE NOBODY!!! And from Manchester, England; He stands 6 feet tall; Weighing 220 pounds; The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…KING SYBERUS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: For the love of God, Phil!!
Phillip Blauer: Are your ears broken? This is my summer jam! Boston’s own, LFO. This is probably the song that Marty Donovan lost his virginity to. Before her kid walked in to bum a smoke and killed the mood. (starts singing along) “New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick”?!? Are you serious right now? How does he combine current events with his contempt for ethnic food? That is poetry that a thousand poets working a thousand years couldn’t have come up with!
“The Role Model” Anthony Jordan walks out from behind the curtain wearing a yellow Philthy Rich t-shirt and stops to survey the hostile crowd. Alexander Von Blankenship walks out next with Hasbulla following behind, blowing his whistle. The Sheik, Florida Man, and Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan walk out last with his Bojangles inspired title belt and attire. Von Blankenship holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his own face. Alexander Von Blankenship looks out at the crowd, his smirk is now a scowl.
Phillip Blauer: Look at Marty trying to hold it together after Kilroy’s dastardly corporate espionage of opening that Waffle House across from his Bojangles. Heavy is the head that wears the paper hat.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The new Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan leads the Philthy Rich into this Wargames, fresh from the memory from last time in Seattle, when The Anointed turned on him. Will history repeat itself with this group of amoral cutthroats?
Phillip Blauer: (singing along) “You're the best girl that I ever did see, the great Larry Bird, jersey 33”. That’s Boston Jesus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: As we heard, Alexander Von Blankenship made his usual vile comments about everyone from Joe Nobody’s son to the late Steve Awesome. He looks forward to tonight’s match with the lack of rules.
Phillip Blauer: (singing along) “Fell deep in love but now we ain't speaking, Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton”. See how it’s a good thing, and then a bad thing? They really take their audience for a ride.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan’s agent Beth Cleo was able to negotiate a better salary for her client through some pretty bad negotiating on your part, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: (shoves his finger in Guillermo’s face while he raps at him) “Call you up but what's the use? I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Get away from me, Phil. This is the worst song I’ve ever heard.
Phillip Blauer: Have some respect you fiend, they’re all dead.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wait, are you serious?
Phillip Blauer: Yes, they all died. Look it up. This is fun. Let me try one. (raps) “J-Lo’s love don’t cost a thing. My penis got a rash from Irish Spring.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gross. The Sheik is the hired gun of this match.
Phillip Blauer: That’s right. We needed a 5th, and Sheik wouldn’t take the money to join Philthy Rich so I could only rent him. The deposit was enough to choke a horse though. Literally. It’s what I pay the guy who chokes my horses.
Marty, Florida, Jordan and AVB slowly walk towards the ring. Von Blankenship points to random fans, stating loudly "I'm better than you" as he goes by fans. While Anthony Jordan gives his goofy grin and drinks in the boos as the fans hold up signs that say “Kill Phil”, and “Philthy Bitch”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man seems to be over losing the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and excited to crush the resistance from Kilroy, Roscoe, Wilder, Nobody and King Syberus.
Phillip Blauer: No, that was drunk from absinthe. They’re easy to get confused.
Alexander Von Blankenship walks up the cage to the ring, stopping before he gets into the ring. He gives the cage the sign of the cross before stepping inside. Anthony Jordan gets to the cage door and plays to the booing fans
Yolanda Ando: Marty Donovan wears a speedo with the Bojangles logo on it. He also wears Bryan Danielson style boots and kickpads with the Bojangles logo on the knees. Anthony Jordan wears black and yellow long tights with black boots with ads for Phil’s Face Vitamins and Blauer Bath Bombs. AVB is wearing dark blue Adidas sweatpants, shirtless, with his hands taped like a boxer, with AVB written across the knuckles. Florida Man wears a mask resembling an old Halloween gorn mask, only the snout has been elongated to look more like a gator. A wide brim straw hat appears to have been stitched into the mask. The brim is angled to look like a halo. A small hole in the corner of his plastic toothy smile is so he can easily access his cigarettes, but at the moment it holds a piece of straw to complete his lackadaisical country swagger. Instead of traditional tights, he wears overalls and vintage Florida Gators tee.
Greg Jin: “And their opponents; From the Mississippi Gulf Coast; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds…’THE ROLE MODEL’ ANTHONY JORDAN!!!” Greg Jin: "And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Hasbulla; He hails from Amsterdam, in the Netherlands; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP…AVB!!” Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves; From The Empty Quarter in Arabia; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Great King of Terror…THE SHEIK!!! from America’s Wang, God’s Waiting Room, The Gunshine State of Florida; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 198 pounds…FLORIDA MAN!!! From Cheshire, Connecticut, Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 218 pounds…He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…MARTY DONOVAN!!! They are PHILTHY RICH!!!”
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos
Phillip Blauer: Why don’t they say the total combined weight anymore?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Because why would that matter?
Phillip Blauer: Just throwing the math nerds a bone.
WarGames Match
Philthy Rich
Florida Man
Marty Donovan
Alexander Von Blankenship
“The Role Model” Anthony Jordan
The Sheik
vs.
Kilroy Evans
King Syberus
Roscoe Law
Joe Nobody
Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder
Guillermo O’Bannon: It looks as though Roscoe Law and Marty Donovan are going to start out.
Phillip Blauer: The workhorses!
Guillermo O’Bannon: (winces and pulls his headset off) Can we lower Phil’s mic, Kenny? Thanks. Marty goes in to grab Roscoe but Law trips him with a drop toehold.
Hasbulla blows his whistle on the outside of the cage. Roscoe Law pulls Marty Donovan up and ties up their legs with his arm over his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law snaps back into a russian leg sweep! The last time Roscoe Law was here in Las Vegas was over 15 years ago. His opponent that night? Marty Donovan in a match for the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship in February of 2009. Before that, in December of 2006, he defeated Rob Grayson.
Phillip Blauer: Like most Midwesterners, he’s going to leave Las Vegas sunburned and penniless.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law irish whips Donovan into the corner and then climbs to the second rope over him. He begins raining blows down on him as the Vegas crowd counts along!
Phillip Blauer: No, these people are listing all the cards they would hit on.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan grabs him by the legs and walks him out of the corner, dropping down into an inverted atomic drop.
The air goes out of the T-Mobile Arena. Roscoe Law holds his balls as Marty runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan nails Roscoe with a flying forearm!
The crowd boos. Marty pulls him up and hits him with some right hands. He goes for a kick, but Roscoe catches his boot
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty swings around with an enzuigiri! The last time Marty Donovan was here in Vegas was January of 2023 when he lost to Eron Hunter in a match for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship. Before that he hadn’t been here since January of 2006, when he lost a threeway dance for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title to champion “The Big Ragoo” JoJo Sushi and Anzu.
Marty Donovan pulls Roscoe Law up and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan tumbles along the mat into a rolling wheel kick!
Donovan kips up and causes boos through the T-Mobile Arena. Anthony Jordan, Alexander Von Blankenship, and Florida Man applaud it on the outside. He pulls Roscoe up into a front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan rolls Roscoe Law into a neckbreaker! He applies a chicken wing. He cranks up on Roscoe’s arm, trying to wear down his elbow.
Phillip Blauer: I haven’t seen a chicken wing this good since the wings I had at Bojangles.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wait, is this…
Phillip Blauer: That’s right, it’s a promotional chicken wing! Reminding fans that after the show, they can head out to their local Bojangles where Marty is offering an 8 piece wings with fries and a drink for only $11.99.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think there are any Bojangles in our viewing area.
Phillip Blauer: Well, then they can drive out to one. We’re open late!
The audience chants “ROSCOE! ROSCOE! ROSCOE!” Marty Donovan scoops him up, but Law floats over behind him with an inverted facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law counters with a reverse DDT!
The crowd comes to life! Roscoe Law pulls Marty Donovan and shoots him hard into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe catches him with a dropkick!
The Las Vegas fans cheer and Roscoe pulls Marty up and double underhooks his arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Law double arm suplexes Marty Donovan across the ring!
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Phillip Blauer: Here we go!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law irish whips Marty into the ropes, and catches him on the way back with a belly to belly suplex! Senior official Tommy Milligan now having a coin toss to see who gets the man advantage.
Tommy Milligan flips the coin and lets it land on the ground. Florida Man sees it and pumps his fist while Kilroy, Nobody, Wilder, and Syberus wince.
Phillip Blauer: Hot damn!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Philthy Rich has won the advantage!
Phillip Blauer: Finally, the wealthy catch a break!
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
An air horn goes off and Florida Man enters the double cage. Hasbulla blows his whistle in celebration at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man comes in! Roscoe Law pulls Marty up by the hair, but Florida Man hits him from behind with a low blow!
Roscoe Law’s knees come together and tips over like a redwood. The audience boos the Epcot Mafia as Marty recovers in the corner
Phillip Blauer: See? Like nothing happened. The power of money.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man drops an elbow on Roscoe’s chest.
Florida Man pulls Roscoe Law up and lifts him up into an atomic drop and drops him on the ropes between the two rings
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan pulls him off the ropes with a rude awakening neckbreaker!
Roscoe Law sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Florida Man strangles him as the audience jeers
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida choking Roscoe Law, while Marty kicks and stomps him. Marty pulls him up into an inverted facelock, and lifts him up into an inverted backbreaker!
Roscoe Law sits up from the pain, and Florida Man basement dropkicks his back. Hasbulla blows his whistle in triumph on the outside. Florida Man goes into the other ring, and gets a running start. He jumps onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man hits Roscoe right between the eyes with a springboard punch!
Florida Man stands by the ropes and motions for Marty to send Roscoe his way
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan irish whips Roscoe, but Law takes Florida Man up and over the ropes into the second ring with a cross body block!
The crowd cheers, but an angry Marty slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan cuts Law off with a springboard front missile dropkick to the back!!
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Someone about to even the score! Florida Man comes off the ropes and splashes Roscoe Law.
Phillip Blauer: That is one hundred and 98 pounds crashing down on those ribs! Get the spatula!
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
The air horn goes off and Kilroy Evans tears into the cage and the audience erupts!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy’s in there!
Phillip Blauer: Oh no!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy spears Florida Man!!
The T-Mobile Arena roars as Kilroy gets up looking right into Florida’s mask’s eyes. Unbeknownst to him, Marty is running at him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan goes for something, but Kilroy belly to belly suplexes him face first into the cage!!
Phillip Blauer: What is happening??
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Florida Man up and DDTs his skull into the mat! Roscoe Law pulls Marty up and powerbombs him into the cage!!
The fans are deafening as Marty slides down the cage onto the apron. Kilroy Evans runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy baseball slides into the side of Florida Man’s head!
Roscoe motions over to Florida Man and grabs both of his arms, and Kilroy grabs both of his legs. They lift Florida Man up high in the air and allow him to crash to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Two Man Slam!!
Phillip Blauer: Egads did you see the height he got? Thank heavens we took the roof off or he would have gone through it and been minced alligator.
Roscoe drags a bleeding Marty back into the ring and drapes him face down over both middle ropes between the rings. He climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law jumps off the top with a leg drop to the back of Marty’s head while he’s stuck between the rings!!
Roscoe bounces up, like he just stuck the landing at the Olympics. He takes a small bow for the crowd. The Las Vegas crowd applauds
Phillip Blauer: (scoffs) When was the last time Wisconsin won a medal in the Olympics?
Guillermo O’Bannon: They’re not a country, Phil. Roscoe now choking Donovan on the middle rope.
Phillip Blauer: Bull hockey. Everytime I enter, I show my passport, and they let me right in.
Roscoe Law opens up Marty’s legs, stepping in with both legs. Law wraps his legs around Marty’s head and crosses Donovan’s legs. Roscoe turns 180 degrees and leans back, compressing Donovan’s spine
Guillermo O’Bannon: Damascus Lock on Marty! Kilroy Evans ties Florida Man up into a tree of woe in the corner, meanwhile, Roscoe is applying pressure to Marty’s legs with his hands. Kilroy spears the upside down Florida Man!
The Nevada fans cheer as Florida Man collapses in a heap in the corner. This hold applies pressure on the temples, the calves, and compresses the spine.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans applies an armbar on Florida Man. This isn’t the first time Kilroy has been in a Wargames match in Vegas. The last time was March, 2009, when he, “The Punisher” Dan Stein, Dougie Ray Bullet, Poke the Clown, and Cecil Kennedy lost to "Platinum" Pat Bozzini, Ken Shiro, Requiem, Legacy, and Aaron Rupp.
Meanwhile, Donovan on the other side of the ring, crying out in pain as Roscoe Law is inflicting pain on his temples, his calves, and constricting his spinal column
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Phillip Blauer: Don’t worry boys, help is on the way!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy bites Florida Man’s fingers!
The audience pops as Florida Man yelps out in agony. Marty bleeds on the canvas
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
The air horn goes off and Alexander Von Blankenship enters the cage. Hasbulla blows his whistle in triumph while the audience boos
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Alexander Von Blankenship! He comes from behind while Kilroy is applying that armbar, and stomps the back of his calf!
Kilroy cries out in pain and releases Florida Man’s arm. Florida is bleeding on the tips of his finger.
Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB slaps Roscoe Law across the face!
The Las Vegas fans let out an “OH!” and Roscoe Law breaks the Damascus Lock on Marty Donovan
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law now chasing Alexander Von Blankenship as he escapes into the second ring!
Alexander Von Blankenship holds up his hand, asking Roscoe Law for some time. Roscoe nods as the crowd cheers
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe telling AVB to fight like a man, but Florida Man sneaks up behind him and lifts him up into a backdrop driver!!
The T-Mobile Center boos. Florida winces and seems almost apologetic at the angle that Roscoe landed in.
Phillip Blauer: What are you going to leave a note?
Florida Man checks his bleeding fingers. Hasbulla makes a racket on the outside with his whistle. Alexander Von Blankenship goes into the first ring, and irish whips Kilroy Evans into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB kicks Kilroy in the knee cap a few times in the corner. Marty comes running in and hits Evans with a dropkick into the turnbuckles!
The audience lets out another “OH!” A busted open Marty steps through the ropes onto the apron, and Von Blankenship kicks Evans in the knee so hard he falls to the mat in the corner. Hasbulla blows his whistle incessantly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan slingshots himself over the ropes into a corner dropkick!
Alexander Von Blankenship goes to the second ring, and pulls Roscoe up. He grabs Law by the legs and then squats down as Florida Man gets to the second turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man with a guillotine leg drop to Roscoe across AVB’s legs!!
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship now back in the first ring, and begins grinding Kilroy’s face against the steel cage!
The Nevada fans jeer as Von Blankenship rakes Evans’ face back and forth across the steel mesh, tearing his skin
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
The air horn goes off and Joe Nobody runs into the cage to the roar of the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Nobody! Marty Donovan runs at him and gets arm dragged! Florida Man suffers the same fate!
With both Florida and Marty disposed of, Nobody points at Alexander Von Blankenship. AVB backs away as the audience gets louder every step closer Nobody gets to him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Right now Joe Nobody is thinking of every disgusting comment AVB made about his wife.
Phillip Blauer: Which one? There were a lot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man and Marty Donovan try to intervene but Roscoe Law comes off the top rope with a flying clothesline to both The Epcot Mafia!!
Von Blankenship tries to talk some sense to Joe Nobody, but Nobody isn’t listening. AVB extends his hand out of friendship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Is he crazy? Nobody isn’t going to shake his hand!
Phillip Blauer: Hey, look. It takes a lot for the kid to come out of his shell and meet new people. Joseph should give him a chance.
While Nobody looks around incredulously the audience heckle AVB. Hasbulla blows on his whistle in support for Alexander’s show of sportsmanship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship went for a kick to his stomach, but Nobody catches his leg!
Von Blankenship bounces on one foot, still pleading his case to Joe Nobody while the crowd delights in his predicament
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody takes AVB down in a dragon screw! Kilroy Evans electric chairs Florida Man up onto his shoulders and drops him headfirst into the cage!!
The crowd cheers as Florida Man collapses onto the apron. Roscoe Law atomic drops Alexander Von Blankenship and then holds him in position
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody with a step up enzuigiri while Roscoe holds him!
The T-Mobile Center lets out a loud “OH!” at the sound of Nobody’s boot hitting Von Blankenship’s skull. In the second ring, Kilroy pulls Marty to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans’ first match in Las Vegas was in January of 2005, where he , Hero, and Andrew Karnage lost their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles to Mr. Shioda and The Tengu Clan in a lucha libre rules match. In January of 2006, he successfully defended his Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship over the late Adrian Tanner Jr. In December of that same year, Kilroy, teamed with him and Andrew Karnage but they lost their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles to Vincent Silvestri, Cobryn and James Fierce in a TLC match. The last time Kilroy was here was in January of 2023 when he and Tuxedo Mask lost the Hardkore World Tag Team titles to “The Punisher” Dan Stein and “The High Roller” Wesley Crane in a ladder match.
Kilroy goes for a fallaway slam but Marty floats over behind him into a reverse waistlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy goes for a fallaway slam but Marty floats over behind him into a reverse waistlock. Marty Donovan with a release german suplex on Kilroy Evans! Roscoe Law applies a scissored armbar on Florida Man!
AVB crawls under the ropes to the apron. Roscoe Law rocks back on Floria Man’s arms, trying to hyperextend the elbow with all his weight. Joe Nobody steps through the ropes and pulls Von Blankenship to his feet on the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody russian leg sweeps the back of Von Blankenship’s head into the steel cage!!
The audience shouts “OH!” at AVB’s head rocking against the steel mesh. Florida Man groans in pain as Roscoe Law pulls back on his trapped arm. Hasbulla blows on his whistle, trying to wake Von Blankenship up
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Phillip Blauer: An injection of Philthy Richness is coming.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gross. In the second ring, Marty Donovan pulls a bloody Evans up and irish whips him into the ropes and catches him with a frankenstiener!!
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
The air horn goes off and Anthony Jordan enters the ring to boos
Phillip Blauer: My latest acquisition!
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan comes in and catches Joe Nobody from behind with a german suplex!
Marty Donovan climbs to the top turnbuckle while Anthony Jordan enters the second ring. Jordan pulls Kilroy Evans up, and places his leg over his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his neck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jordan head and arm suplexes Kilroy Evans across the ring! Marty Donovan jumps into the first ring with a somersault senton that takes out Joe Nobody!! The last time Anthony Jordan was here in Vegas was when he managed Kalmin Watts to a victory over Little Dragon in January of 2023.
Phillip Blauer: But now he’s the one in control!
Anthony Jordan goes back into the first ring and starts putting the boots to Roscoe Law, forcing him to abandon the scissored armbar on Florida Man. Alexander Von Blankenship goes into the second ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the second ring, Alexander Von Blankenship scoops Kilroy up and drops him across his knee in a backbreaker. In the first ring, Jordan pulls Roscoe up and drops his knee into a shinbreaker atomic drop.
Roscoe Law hobbles a few steps and then Marty Donovan takes him out with a slingblade. Florida Man pulls Joe Nobody up and slugs him with a right hand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan gets a running start and jumps onto the middle of the top rope, springboarding into the second ring, catching Kilroy Evans with a springboard tornado DDT!
The impact shoots Kilroy up to his knees and then he falls back on to his face, bleeding on the canvas. Florida Man kicks Joe Nobody in the stomach in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan belly to belly suplexes Joe Nobody out of the corner! Roscoe Law grabs Jordan from behind and atomic drops him, and then grinds his knee into Anthony’s tailbone.
Phillip Blauer: Well that’s just weird.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law grabs Jordan’s arms in a straightjacket. In the second ring, Alexander Von Blankenship hits a slingshot suplex on Kilroy Evans!
Hasbulla blows on his whistle, impressed with that suplex. Roscoe pulls back on Jordan’s wrists, constricting him with his own arms. But Florida Man rakes his eyes from behind
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man now raking Roscoe Law’s face back and forth across the cage
Phillip Blauer: Bloodying up the self proclaimed “King of the Cage”!
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
The air horn goes off and King Syberus enters the cage to the roar of the crowd. Anthony Jordan runs at him
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus hip tosses Anthony Jordan across the ring! He arm drags an oncoming Florida Man!
Syberus steps through the ropes into the second ring. Roscoe Law leans against the ropes, bleeding down his front. Alexander Von Blankenship tries to punch him, but Syberus catches his wrist
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the second ring, King Syberus flips Alexander Von Blankenship over his shoulder with an ipponzei judo flip! He grabs Marty Donovan from behind and drops down into a backcracker!
A crimson masked Marty arches his back in pain. In the first ring, Anthony Jordan gets back to his knees, but Joe Nobody tags him with a shining wizard getting an “OH!” from the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Alexander Von Blankenship up in a full nelson, and bashes his face into the steel cage! Syberus pulls Marty Donovan up into a cobra clutch, and wrenches him back into a backbreaker!!
The Las Vegas crowd cheers wildly! Hasbulla blows his whistle, complaining to officials about Kilroy. In the first ring, Joe Nobody pulls Anthony Jordan up and irish whips him into the ropes. Roscoe Law catches him with a belly to belly suplex with his knee landing on Jordan’s groin
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nutbuster Suplex!
Phillip Blauer: Well that’s certainly a rude way to do that move. The man is a role model, for Pete’s sake.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope and springboards into the second ring with a missile dropkick to a bleeding Alexander Von Blankenship!!
Kilroy Evans steps through the ropes in between the rings. Florida Man backs away from a bloody Roscoe Law, who is begging him to fight
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man backs right into Kilroy Evans, who is standing between the rings. Kilroy grabs Florida around the neck, and pulls him backwards over the ropes!
In the second ring, Marty Donovan gets up to his knees. Syberus cracks him in the face with a european uppercut. In the first ring, Roscoe Law punches Florida’s open belly repeatedly, while Kilroy strangles him over the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the second ring, Syberus smashes a kneeling Marty with another hard european uppercut.
The Nevade crowd winces. King Syberus backs up and takes Donovan out with a big boot to the face
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Tilted Lance! The last time these two tangled in Vegas was December of 2006, where then Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Syberus beat Marty Donovan in a ladder match.
In the first ring, Anthony Jordan clips Roscoe Law’s knee from behind. Florida Man gets loose and superkicks Kilroy Evans in the groin
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Phillip Blauer: Who could be next?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Sheik. There’s no one else left.
Phillip Blauer: They still have to spin the wheel.
Guillermo O’Bannon: There’s no wheel, Phil.
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
Phillip Blauer: It’s The Sheik!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: I just…The Sheik runs into the ring and heel kicks Kilroy Evans who is stuck between the rings!
Phillip Blauer: He can stay there for all I care.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik slingshots himself over the ropes onto King Syberus!
In the first ring, Anthony Jordan is cracking Roscoe Law in the kneecap over and over with elbows. In the second ring, Alexander Von Blankenship pulls Syberus up into a double underhook, and then lifts him up into an angel’s wings, dropping him on his face
Guillermo O’Bannon: Purification on King Syberus!
The fans boo. Hasbulla blows on his whistle triumphantly. Joe Nobody cuts Sheik off, but Sheik knees Joe in the gut. He grabs Nobody in a front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik drills Joe Nobody’s head into the mat with a DDT! He grabs two handfuls of Syberus’ hair and sits out into a facebuster!
In the first ring, Anthony Jordan suplexes Kilroy from in between the two rings, back in. In the second ring, The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope
Phillip Blauer: The action is getting too close to call!
Phil squints and goes back to coloring in his coloring book, sticking out his tongue
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hops back into a springboard elbow that catches King Syberus!
Marty Donovan climbs to the top turnbuckle, and waits for Kilroy Evans to get back to his feet. When he does, Marty jumps into the first ring onto Kilroy’s shoulders
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan pulls Kilroy backwards into a reverse frankensteiner!!
The Sheik steps back onto the first ring, where Florida Man bounces into the ropes and gets a head of steam.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Florida Man dives over the ropes and takes out Joe Nobody!
The Las Vegas fans boo. In the second ring, King Syberus gets to his feet and walks right into a superkick upside the head by Von Blankenship
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus is Ordained by that superkick!
Syberus goes down like a redwood as a jubilant Hasbulla blows on his whistle on the outside of the cage . The Sheik climbs up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps into the first ring with a flying leg drop across the face of Kilroy Evans!! The last time Sheik was here in Vegas was in January of 2023 when he defeated Ruben Bowman.
Greg Jin: “30 Seconds!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: With Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder, the last man in this match’s entry, the Match Beyond may begin.
Phillip Blauer: And that is where there are no weight limits, only no limits.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, do you know how this match works at all?
Phillip Blauer: I might have skimmed that part.
Greg Jin: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!”
The air horn goes off and Syrus Wilder nearly tears the hinges off of the cage door to get in. He stares right at Alexander Von Blankenship, and AVB gulps. The Las Vegas crowd roars in anticipation
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Steamwhistle is in!
Phillip Blauer: Oh lord, he’s coming! Hide Alex!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan runs into a clothesline from Syrus Wilder!
Hasbulla blows on his whistle, trying to warn AVB in the second ring. Hardkore Senior Referee Tommy Milligan and Kelly O’Connell enter the first cage and each take a ring now that the match can end by pin or submission. The audience cheers as Jordan holds his chest. Also in the first ring, Syrus Wilder irish whips Jordan, but Anthony reverses it and shoots Wilder into the ropes. Sheik sets up for a double team move with Jordan
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder takes out both The Sheik and Anthony Jordan with a big shoulder tackle!!
The Nevada fans erupt with cheers as Syrus Wilder feeds off their emotion in the cage. In the second ring, King Syberus rakes Marty’s face back and forth across the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the other ring, King Syberus is turning Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan into a bloody mess!
Phillip Blauer: He’s usually a mess of some kind or another.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus has not had a good track record in Vegas. Back in January 2005, he lost by countout to Tarrasque. In February of 2009, he and “Tigerheart” Rally Jackson went to a time limit draw with Andrew Karnage and the late Adrian Tanner Jr. The last time Syberus was here was when he was pinned by Cross Recoba in January of 2023. He’s trying to change all that here tonight!
In the first ring, Kilroy Evans irish whips The Sheik into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans catches The Sheik with a spinebuster!
Syrus Wilder steps through the ropes into the second ring, but Florida Man cuts him off with a punch to the head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder shakes off Florida Man’s blows and backs him up with a hard chop to the chest!
Inside the first ring, a bloody Roscoe Law irish whips Anthony Jordan into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law and Kilroy Evans both hit an oncoming Anthony Jordan in the chest with a double Oklahoma Hammer!
The audience cheers as Jordan holds his chest. A second chop from Syrus Wilder backs Florida into the ropes. Syrus Wilder unhooks Wilder’s overall straps, and then rips open his Florida Gators vintage tee. The audience pops as Wilder holds him back against the ropes
Phillip Blauer: Hey, I paid good money for that t-shirt. It buys me a lot of crank calls to the police where he admits his guilt to the police for Dorothy’s murder.
Guillermo looks at Phil. Phil gives him a guilty look. Inside the cage, Joe Nobody steps through the ropes into the first ting. There, Syrus Wilder motions for the 16,000 in the T-Mobile Arena for be quiet, which they dutifully do
Phillip Blauer: Do not shush me, I am a three time Desert News Hawk Award Winner. I haven’t paid for a thing at the local Olive Garden in years.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You eat for free at the Olive Garden in Palm Desert?
Phillip Blauer: I assume so. I just get up and leave. No one’s ever stopped me.
Syrus Wilder slaps Florida Man’s bare chest so hard it rings throughout the T-Mobile Arena! The crowd lets out a loud “OH!” and Florida Man sinks down to the mat, holding his collarbone in agony
Guillermo O’Bannon: Did you hear the sound that made??
Phillip Blauer: That just kicked up any number of untold bath salts that resided in his blackened lungs.
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the first ring, Joe Nobody spikes The Sheik’s head into the ring with a tornado DDT!
The fans cheer. Roscoe Law pulls Anthony Jordan up into a powerbomb, and then drops the back of his head and neck into the steel cage! Jordan riccochets back, and Roscoe Law falls back, dropping him on his face
Guillermo O’Bannon: Reverse slingshot powerbomb on Anthony Jordan!! In the second ring, Marty Donovan walks right into a dropkick from a 320 pound Steamwhistle!!
The audience applauds Syrus Wilder’s display of agility. In the first ring, before Roscoe can get up, The Sheik stomps him on the back of the head. In the second ring, Syrus Wilder quickly gets up and shoots Alexander Von Blankenship a look. The fans see who Syrus is looking at and let out an ear splitting pop. Alexander Von Blankenship winces and puts his hand up, trying to calm the situation
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think that Syrus Wilder is real open to AVB’s pleas for mercy. After Alexander’s repeated insults to his father, this is the first time he has had Von Blankenship in a ring all to himself
Phillip Blauer: Come on, the Big Cat has to think about this for a second. Isn’t their first creed in the railways, “Do No Harm?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, that’s doctors.
Phillip Blauer: Right, who am I kidding? These guys are the angel of death when it comes to hobos and runaway cattle.
In the first ring, The Sheik goes to irish whip Kilroy, but Evans hangs onto his arm and pulls him into a shortarm headbutt
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shake Hands With Danger on The Sheik! Then Joe Nobody takes Sheik out with the Perfect Placement jumping calf kick!
In the second ring, a bleeding Alexander Von Blankenship pleads his case as a bug eyed Syrus Williams. Syrus Williams beckons AVB to bring it on, but Von Blankenship gets on his knees and begs for Wilder to reconsider his course of action
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder pulls a pleading AVB up to his feet by two handfuls of his hair!
Phillip Blauer: Hey! Do you know how much that hair costs me in color treatment alone??
Guillermo O’Bannon: $400?
Phil gives him a pained expression
Guillermo O’Bannon: More?? Sorry, back to the match, Syrus Wilder hip tosses Alexander Von Blankenship clear across the ring!
The Las Vegas crowd pops as Von Blankenship sits up in pain. In the first ring, Anthony Jordan wipes some blood out of his eyes. Roscoe Law tries to kick him, but Jordan catches his leg
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan gives Roscoe Law a slow dragon screw leg whip to the mat.
A crimson masked Roscoe Law grimaces and clutches at his knee. In the second ring, Syrus Wilder pulls Alexander Von Blankenship up to his feet and bodyslams him to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder runs into the ropes and drops down across Von Blankenship with all 320 pounds across his face with a leg drop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus goes for a suplex, but Florida Man hooks his leg and falls back into an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…King Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the first ring, Anthony Jordan runs at Roscoe, but Law catches him and smashes his face into the cage!! Jordan stumbles back into a reverse DDT by Roscoe!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder grabs a blood drenched Marty Donovan and irish whips him into the ropes. He ducks down for a backdrop but Marty goes over the top of him with a sunset flip!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syrus Wilder claps his legs together on Donovan’s head!
Marty grabs one of Wilder’s legs and turns him over into an anklelock!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tinto’s Trap applied to big Wilder’s leg!
Phillip Blauer: Take out the big man’s leg, thats’s what I told him during our training sessions.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What were those like?
Phillip Blauer: I mostly shot bags of money with automatic rifles and talked in metaphors. AVB was on his phone for a lot of it.
Florida Man pulls Syberus up and lifts him up in a suplex and then drops him on his head in a brainbuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Mindblower by Florida Man on King Syberus!
The audience boos as Marty Donovan twists Syrus Wilder’s foot, standing over him in the anklelock. In the first ring, Roscoe Law scoops Anthony Jordan up but Jordan falls behind him in an inverted facelock. He lifts Law in a reverse suplex, lets his feet hit the top rope and then bounces up in a reverse brainbuster DDT
Guillermo O’Bannon: Presumptuous Plex on Roscoe Law!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans stomps the back of Anthony Jordan’s head!
Alexander Von Blankenship starts laying the boots to Syrus Wilder’s face while he’s trapped in the anklelock.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, nice. Now that Marty Donovan has Tinto’s Trap locked in, now Alexander Von Blankenship is feeling nice and brave with The Steamwhistle.
Phillip Blauer: What are you going to do? The kid has a knack for picking his spots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the first ring, Kilroy Evans pulls Anthony Jordan’s head into his legs. He pulls Jordan up and then lets him hang there for a few seconds before driving his skull into the mat with a pulling piledriver!
In the second ring, Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Wilder wants to tap out to Tinto’s Trap while a grisly looking Von Blankenship continues to stomp and kick him. In the first ring, The Sheik pulls Joe Nobody to his feet. He irish whips him into the ropes, but Joe ducks a clothesline and crucifix tumble into a floatover DDT
Guillermo O’Bannon: Status Symbol on The Sheik!
Syrus Wilder does a push up and twists his way back to his feet with Marty still hanging on to his leg. Marty Donovan looks to be licking his chops at having the rookie in such a perilous position
Phillip Blauer: Marty has the 320 pounder right where he wants him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder broadsides Marty Donovan with an uppercut.
The audience winces at the sound of Wilder’s knuckles making contact with Marty Donovan’s cheek and teeth. The Sheik climbs to the top turnbuckle with Syrus Wilder not seeing him in his peripheral vision. But as he does, an exhausted and blood drenched Kilroy falls into the ropes, crotching Sheik on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook. Roscoe Law climbs to the top turnbuckle behind Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder climbs to the second turnbuckle, and hooks The Sheik for his superplex, and as he’s falling, Roscoe comes off the top with a flying body press as they go down!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan stomps on Roscoe’s head!
A grisly looking Anthony Jordan headscissors Roscoe and reaches back and pulls one of Law's legs back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vainglorious on Roscoe Law! He pulls back on Roscoe’s ankle while clamping down on his head! The Sheik climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring and backflips into a moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
One of King Syberus’ courtiers picks up his sword and passes it through the hole in the cage for the cameras to Syberus
Phillip Blauer: Hey, that guy just handed him a sword! You can’t have swords! Larry! Seize him!
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. nods and waddles after the courtier, who runs up the rampway. In the first ring, Roscoe Law refuses to submit to Tommy Milligan. In the second ring, Florida Man applies a neck claw to Syrus Wilder and starts rolling around the mat with him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Death Roll on Syrus Wilder! King Syberus has that sword over his head, and he’s now chasing Marty Donovan across both rings!!
Phillip Blauer: DQ! DQ! DQ!
Worthington, Phil’s butler, slides a Dairy Queen Blizzard in front of Phil
Phillip Blauer: Thank you, Worthington. (takes a spoonful and talks with his mouth full) You know, someone should disqualify Syberus, come to think of it.
Marty shrieks in a high pitched tone as Syberus just misses him a few times with the sword. Suddenly something seems to be falling from the rafters
Guillermo O’Bannon: What is that??
As it comes into focus, it seems to be a little person dressed as a chicken being lowered from a cable
Phillip Blauer: (Schiavone voice) It’s Tinto!!!
Tinto lands on King Syberus, knocking him down and making him drop the sword
Phillip Blauer: See? Even he is excited about this new chicken wing deal at Bojangles for $12.99!
Guillermo O’Bannon: I thought it was $11.99?
Phillip Blauer: That was nearly an hour ago. I told you, you had to act fast.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Is it safe to have a 8 year old lowered from the rafters?
Phillip Blauer: Perfectly. We got Owen Hart’s guy. (Guillermo shoots him a look) What? You don’t believe in second chances? It’s not like the guy’s gonna do it twice.
Tinto is pulled back up by the cable back up to the rafters
Phillip Blauer: See? There he goes
King Syberus stumbles up into a superman punch from a bloody Alexander Von Blankenship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ordained by AVB!!
Alexander Von Blankenship goes to the first ring. Joe Nobody pulls Anthony Jordan off of Roscoe Law with a half nelson, and then lifts him up into a cutter
Guillermo O’Bannon: ComboBreaker on Anthony Jordan!!
Nobody steps into the first ring while in the second ring, Marty butterflies Syberus’ arms, and then flips him into a tiger driver ‘98
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ollie Driver ‘22 on King Syberus!! In the first ring, Alexander Von Blankenship lifts Kilroy Evans up on his shoulders for the Omnipotence. Nobody kicks AVB in the stomach, and Kilroy falls behind him!
Joe Nobody lifts Alexander Von Blankenship up into a fisherman’s buster and then drops him into an orange crush bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Awesome Driver!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik stomps Joe Nobody on the back of the head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship rolls up to his feet…right into the iron claw by Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder!!
The fans come unglued as Syrus Wilder tries to crush AVB’s head with his massive hand. Joe Nobody fireman’s carries Anthony Jordan up on his shoulders and sits him on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up to the second rope behind him, and Roscoe Law climbs up to the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Von Blankenship, down on one knee, bleeding profusely as Syrus Wilder uses his father’s claw on him. Roscoe Law lifts Anthony Jordan up into a superplex brainbuster, and Joe Nobody spikes his legs on the way down!! Spike Lawbreaker!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik leg drops the back of Roscoe’s head off the second rope!!
Roscoe goes to the space between the rings and pulls out a barbed wire wrapped boat paddle
Phillip Blauer: What the deuce?
Guillermo O’Bannon: That looks familiar, I believe that is the barbed wire boat paddle that Syberus he used on Roscoe to help Andrew Karnage retain his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship in their match back in 2008!
Phillip Blauer: And it’s been here the entire time??
Roscoe puts his hand on Syberus’ shoulder over the ropes in the second ring. Syberus spins around thinking someone is going to attack him but he comes face-to-face with Roscoe
Guillermo O’Bannon: This was always going to be an uneasy alliance, but it may be ending right here!
Phillip Blauer: Yeah! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe holds it out and offers it to Syberus to use!
Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. catches a bloody Roscoe saying: “You can hit me with it later if you have to. Right now… (motions to Marty) …go nuts.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the second ring, Marty Donovan comes at King Syberus with the Dis-Knee, but Syberus sidesteps and bashes Donovan’s with the barbed wire boat paddle!!
The Las Vegas fans erupt and Marty drops to the mat, covering his face with blood leaking through his fingers
Phillip Blauer: Swords, barbed wire paddles?! At long last do these people have no sense of decency?
In the first ring, Syrus Wilder has AVB on the mat with the iron claw. In the second ring, Syberus then grabs Marty by the blood soaked hair and bashes his head into the cage repeatedly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans grabs The Sheik from behind with a Watch Out For Snakes cobra clutch!
In the second ring, King Syberus lets Marty Donovan backpedal two steps and then fall face first. Syrus Wilder steps through the ropes into the second ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy pulls back on The Sheik’s arm and presses down on the back of his neck. This is the move that put his lights out in June of 2022 at Palm Springs Punishment 2022!
Syrus Wilder sits on Marty Donovan’s back and applies a camel clutch
Guillermo O’Bannon: In the second ring, Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder applies the Interchange on the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion!!
The crowd cheers. Wilder locks his fingers underneath Donovan’s chin and uses his 320 pounds to rock back on his head and neck. In the first ring, referee Tommy Milligan testing a non responsive Sheik by raising his arm…and the arm stays up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans thrashes The Sheik about in the Watch Out For Snakes, trying to end this match!
In the second ring, Donovan refusing to give up to The Interchange, so Syrus Wilder releases it and climbs to the top turnbuckle
Phillip Blauer: What’s the big guy thinking here? Trains don’t fly.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure, I admit, he does look a little wobbly and unsure of himself up there. He jumps off with a dropkick but misses Marty Donovan by a mile!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the awkward way that Syrus Wilder fell to the mat. Alexander Von Blankenship rolls into the ring and helps Marty to his feet. A bloodsoaked Marty Donovan hits the ropes and nails a unsteady Wilder with a high knee to the face
Guillermo O’Bannon: DisKnee on The Steamwhistle!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
Phillip Blauer: Hot damn!!
The air goes out of the T-Mobile Arena as the crowd is deflated. LFO’s “Summer Girls” plays and the crowd boos even louder
Guillermo O’Bannon: After over an hour, The Philthy Rich has won the WarGames.
Phillip Blauer: And now Kilroy has to retire!
Guillermo O’Bannon: What?? No he doesn’t. It’s just a match. What are you talking about?
Phillip Blauer: What are you talking about?
Greg Jin: “At 1 hour 6 minutes; THE WINNER OF THE WARGAMES…PHILTHY RICH!!!”
Anthony Jordan, AVB, Marty, The Sheik, and Florida Man get out of the cage like they stole something, and celebrate on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: These ten men fought for over an hour, tearing each other apart with the cage, barbed wire boat paddles, and even a sword…
Phillip Blauer: Yeah, yeah, yeah…it was a real slog. Pardon me.
Phil walks over and grabs the microphone from Greg Jin, surrounded by Von Blankenship, Marty, Florida Man and Jordan
Phillip Blauer: “Hey, Killjoy! I just paid for you and your dopey stooges to get your hineys kicked and you’re still gonna hang around? How about this? I’ll beat you myself at English Rage in Manchester, and when I do. You’ll have to retire!”
The audience “OH”s in shock. Kilroy Evans motions for Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. to hand him a house microphone through the hole in the cage for the cameras. Syrus Wilder sits with his head in his hands in a corner. Roscoe Law picks up his barbed wire wrapped boat paddle. Evans taps the mic to make sure it’s turned on
Kilroy Evans: “What’s in it for me?”
Phillip Blauer: “What do you want?”
Kilroy Evans: “I’m sick of you using Dorothy’s money to screw things up around here. If I beat you, you have to donate your money to charity.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes! I’m all for that!
Phillip Blauer: (stammering) I… I… I… (straightens his tie) You know what? Bucko??
The audience “Ohhhh”s
Phillip Blauer: You’re on!
Guillermo O’Bannon: What?? We have ourselves a match! Fans, English Rage in Manchester is going to be an all timer! Join us across the pond!
