Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 5, 2024 20:06:43 GMT -5
*Ah, sunrise. That time of day where the creepy baby living in the sun threatens to destroy all it sees. What a world we live in.*
*However today’s morning is disrupted by something somehow even more sinister (depending on who you ask), awesome guitar licks. A quick cut brings us to Lord Dominicus, the challenger for the Wrestle: UK World Championship, as he bolts up in bed (still wearing his mask, of course), hearing the music. He puts his ear to his alarm. No this is not a clock radio, this is a musical episode.*
LD: HOLD ON!
*Suddenly he’s on the roof of the Bad to the Bone complex wailing away on an electric guitar. A drone camera zooms in as he points at it.*
LD: You want black on white?
*On the lawn of the compound Big Bone, Dinosaur Bones, and the Star Trekker (looking very sleepy) hold up three large signs: one depicting LD’s face, one says “vs,” and the last being Kasper Van Zant’s new white mask.*
Bad to the Bone: Matching up black vs white!
LD: We’ll do black on white!
I won’t Run, runaway!
See chameleon
Lying there in the sun
*The team flips two of the signs over to reveal Kasper with girls (because she fights for them), Kasper with the Slams (because she fights for family), and the third is still the mask (because I guess she’s an anti-evil superhero/villain?)*
LD: She’ll be all things to everyone!
Kasper, who, who are you?
*Dominicus continues to wail on the guitar on the roof of the compound as Big Bone runs around with a giant Scottish caber, also he’s wearing a kilt over his usual skeleton pajamas. Why not? Are you really going to judge him for his choices? No, no you won’t. Then back to LD!*
LD: Listen to my tune…
Bad to the Bone: Kasper’s a lying loon!
LD: Listen to my tune
Just run, runaway
*The DARK LORD OF WRESTLE: UK points down.*
LD: See a dracolich,
Lying there in the sun!
*Indeed, on the grass is an exhausted looking, nearly deflated Dinosaur Bones. He’s so hungry folks. Also he’s wearing a kilt. It’s still more UK than anything Kasper (or most of the roster) has done.*
LD: You can’t win against me!
So run, runaway!
*OH HELL YEAH IT’S TIME FOR SOME EVIL RIFFS! Dominicus continues to wail on his guitar as the Bad to the Bone (plus Trekker) crew mill about in kilts.*
LD: I’m gonna take your belt!
Bad to the Bone: And leave you with a welt!
LD: I’m gonna take your belt
Unless you run, runaway
*The kilted team members march out onto the grass with a huge sign.*
LD: See chameleon,
Facing her in the ring!
*They hold up the sign, which reads, “Who even are you, Kasper?”*
LD: She’ll be all things to everyone,
Run, runaway! Woo!
*Lord Dominicus proves that he’s also THE VANTABLACK ROCKSTAR as he goes wild on the guitar. It’s like watching Hulk Hogan blasting away on an electric guitar with an American flag in the background, except it’s LD, there’s no background, and he’s not secretly hiding racism in his soul. So it’s not really like it at all.*
LD: Hey, yeah!
*As the musical interlude continues we see Dinosaur Bones trying to play the violin with his tiny arms but it doesn’t work so eventually he smashes it and then tries to cover his eyes to cry- also his tiny arms don’t allow it. Big Bone and Trekker just march around in kilts, why not? Finally things get back to “normal” (for a musical sequence, anyway)*
LD: Oh, now can't you wait?
They’re giving you to me on a plate!
Oh, now can't you wait?
Just run, runaway!
*We cut to a ring set up on the lawn. The Star Trekker is dressed like Kasper while wearing a white mask. She’s lounging in the center holding a hand fan to really stress how lazy the current champ is.*
LD: See the current champ,
Waiting to be dethroned!
All fall to Dominicus.
So run, runaway! Hey!
*With that comes more badass guitar playing as the whole team jams out on the roof of the complex, all wearing kilts because it’s a thematic thing in this particular song and also stresses that LD at least cares a little bit about the company’s name unlike literally everyone else.*
LD: Run, runaway!
Run, runaway!
Run, runaway!
*The song refuses to let up but finally fades out as we spin-cut to…*
Trekker: AHHHHHHHH!
*She writhes on the lawn holding her head, as do the other members of Bad to the Bone.*
DB: WHY WON’T IT STOP!?
*Finally Dominicus stands up and dusts himself off.*
LD: Oh man, how much longer will we be cursed by this!?
*As the other members of the crew come to he looks at the camera, getting close to it, examining it.*
LD: Weird, this is still on. Usually it turns off pretty quickly after one of these. That was a long song, too.
*A quick DominiThink later and THE BLACKEST OF EVILS decides to take advantage and he points at you and me, the viewers.*
LD: On July 15th in Miami I’m going to expose Kasper Van Zant for the fraud she is! She’s been champ for a while now, but every week we see a different person! Who is she? Is she a member of the SICKLY SMELLY Slam clan? Is she the representative of all women everywhere? Is she supposed to be like the Anti-Dominicus? Kasper, pick a lane!
*He points to himself.*
LD: At least with me you know what you’re getting, W:UK’S VANTABLACK SAVIOR! Now I stand on the precipice of CRUSING THIS COMPANY under my foot! And to what end? To build it in my EVIL IMAGE! Enjoy these last few days with your title, Kasper because the transitional period is over, it’s my time! DOMINICUS FOREVER!
*SLAM CUT out.*
*However today’s morning is disrupted by something somehow even more sinister (depending on who you ask), awesome guitar licks. A quick cut brings us to Lord Dominicus, the challenger for the Wrestle: UK World Championship, as he bolts up in bed (still wearing his mask, of course), hearing the music. He puts his ear to his alarm. No this is not a clock radio, this is a musical episode.*
LD: HOLD ON!
*Suddenly he’s on the roof of the Bad to the Bone complex wailing away on an electric guitar. A drone camera zooms in as he points at it.*
LD: You want black on white?
*On the lawn of the compound Big Bone, Dinosaur Bones, and the Star Trekker (looking very sleepy) hold up three large signs: one depicting LD’s face, one says “vs,” and the last being Kasper Van Zant’s new white mask.*
Bad to the Bone: Matching up black vs white!
LD: We’ll do black on white!
I won’t Run, runaway!
See chameleon
Lying there in the sun
*The team flips two of the signs over to reveal Kasper with girls (because she fights for them), Kasper with the Slams (because she fights for family), and the third is still the mask (because I guess she’s an anti-evil superhero/villain?)*
LD: She’ll be all things to everyone!
Kasper, who, who are you?
*Dominicus continues to wail on the guitar on the roof of the compound as Big Bone runs around with a giant Scottish caber, also he’s wearing a kilt over his usual skeleton pajamas. Why not? Are you really going to judge him for his choices? No, no you won’t. Then back to LD!*
LD: Listen to my tune…
Bad to the Bone: Kasper’s a lying loon!
LD: Listen to my tune
Just run, runaway
*The DARK LORD OF WRESTLE: UK points down.*
LD: See a dracolich,
Lying there in the sun!
*Indeed, on the grass is an exhausted looking, nearly deflated Dinosaur Bones. He’s so hungry folks. Also he’s wearing a kilt. It’s still more UK than anything Kasper (or most of the roster) has done.*
LD: You can’t win against me!
So run, runaway!
*OH HELL YEAH IT’S TIME FOR SOME EVIL RIFFS! Dominicus continues to wail on his guitar as the Bad to the Bone (plus Trekker) crew mill about in kilts.*
LD: I’m gonna take your belt!
Bad to the Bone: And leave you with a welt!
LD: I’m gonna take your belt
Unless you run, runaway
*The kilted team members march out onto the grass with a huge sign.*
LD: See chameleon,
Facing her in the ring!
*They hold up the sign, which reads, “Who even are you, Kasper?”*
LD: She’ll be all things to everyone,
Run, runaway! Woo!
*Lord Dominicus proves that he’s also THE VANTABLACK ROCKSTAR as he goes wild on the guitar. It’s like watching Hulk Hogan blasting away on an electric guitar with an American flag in the background, except it’s LD, there’s no background, and he’s not secretly hiding racism in his soul. So it’s not really like it at all.*
LD: Hey, yeah!
*As the musical interlude continues we see Dinosaur Bones trying to play the violin with his tiny arms but it doesn’t work so eventually he smashes it and then tries to cover his eyes to cry- also his tiny arms don’t allow it. Big Bone and Trekker just march around in kilts, why not? Finally things get back to “normal” (for a musical sequence, anyway)*
LD: Oh, now can't you wait?
They’re giving you to me on a plate!
Oh, now can't you wait?
Just run, runaway!
*We cut to a ring set up on the lawn. The Star Trekker is dressed like Kasper while wearing a white mask. She’s lounging in the center holding a hand fan to really stress how lazy the current champ is.*
LD: See the current champ,
Waiting to be dethroned!
All fall to Dominicus.
So run, runaway! Hey!
*With that comes more badass guitar playing as the whole team jams out on the roof of the complex, all wearing kilts because it’s a thematic thing in this particular song and also stresses that LD at least cares a little bit about the company’s name unlike literally everyone else.*
LD: Run, runaway!
Run, runaway!
Run, runaway!
*The song refuses to let up but finally fades out as we spin-cut to…*
Trekker: AHHHHHHHH!
*She writhes on the lawn holding her head, as do the other members of Bad to the Bone.*
DB: WHY WON’T IT STOP!?
*Finally Dominicus stands up and dusts himself off.*
LD: Oh man, how much longer will we be cursed by this!?
*As the other members of the crew come to he looks at the camera, getting close to it, examining it.*
LD: Weird, this is still on. Usually it turns off pretty quickly after one of these. That was a long song, too.
*A quick DominiThink later and THE BLACKEST OF EVILS decides to take advantage and he points at you and me, the viewers.*
LD: On July 15th in Miami I’m going to expose Kasper Van Zant for the fraud she is! She’s been champ for a while now, but every week we see a different person! Who is she? Is she a member of the SICKLY SMELLY Slam clan? Is she the representative of all women everywhere? Is she supposed to be like the Anti-Dominicus? Kasper, pick a lane!
*He points to himself.*
LD: At least with me you know what you’re getting, W:UK’S VANTABLACK SAVIOR! Now I stand on the precipice of CRUSING THIS COMPANY under my foot! And to what end? To build it in my EVIL IMAGE! Enjoy these last few days with your title, Kasper because the transitional period is over, it’s my time! DOMINICUS FOREVER!
*SLAM CUT out.*
