What's Eating You? (Answer: ME) [EE Overheated]
Jul 5, 2024 21:23:41 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by mosler on Jul 5, 2024 21:23:41 GMT -5
Darkness.
A blinding white line cuts the screen in half-
A crack in reality... no a door opening.
Light from the hallway floods into the blacken bedroom, revealing a level of mess that borders on hoarder... or frat boy.
An elderly man stoops to enter, so his ten-gallon-hat can clear the doorframe.
"DEATH TO ALL WHO ENTER!"
"Ah, don't be like that Bonesy."
Lifting his head, the former John Wayne stuntman lets his tired eyes adjust to the gloom, trying to get a track on the booming voice.
"GO AWAY - OR DOOM YOUR SPECIES TO THE ZEST PITS OF TAL'GOROTH!"
Heavy dust floats through the air. It almost gives the ancient cowboy a coughing spell. CLINK. CLINK. CLINK. The spurs of "Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes boots are definitely scratching up the floor as he hopes around mountains of discarded Freshii containers and a river of tears.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: How ya feeling, partner?
A mound of sheets moves, Bones apparently sleeping in a pile of laundry, barely able to lift his head.
Dinosaur Bones: LEAVE ME ALONE, WILLIAM!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Still down in the dumps... buck up, buckaroo.
Dinosaur Bones: YOU'D BE BLUE TOO IF YOU WERE ON SUCH A RESTRICTIVE DIET!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Hey, you should watch the Rumble, even though you couldn't eat no body, you had 'em stampeding for safety! Lot of good hombres hurt that day... Network has been mighty quiet since.
Dinosaur Bones: YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT... SPARE ME YOUR APE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY! WHAT AM I, A FLESHLING EMBRIO?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Aw Bonesy, take it from a cowpoke that's been around the rodeo almost as long as you... when you get bucked off a horse, yeh need to get right back on!
Dinosaur Bones: IF I CANNOT CONSUME THAT CHEWY APE WITHOUT CEASING TO EXIST - THE APTLY NAMED HORS D'OEURVE, DEATH TRAP - THEN UNLIFE IS NOT WORTH UNLIVING!
The sulking mass of stale sheets rolls over.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: It tears me up seeing you this way, partner. There is always hope.... even if you can't eat people anymore, that fancy science is doing great things with non-alcoholic beer. You keep going, and one day they may have radishes that taste like gingers.
Dinosaur Bones: WHO HAS THAT KIND OF TIME?
The dracolich rolls further away. Sighing, Tumbleweed rests his old bones on the foot of the bed. Picking up a remote, the cowboy turns on the boob tube - as he calls it.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: You're too hung up on the whole vegetarian thing... we need to distract you.
CNN.
Uh oh.
Tumbleweed tries to change the channel, but his grandchildren aren't around to show him the other buttons on the remote!
Dinosaur Bones: WHAT?
Dirty clothes fall to the floor, as the T-Rex skeleton emerges to watch the CNN report from January 12th... time is a void.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Oh uh... yeah...
The cowboy is the only person the Dinosaur will never eat, as the closest thing he has to a dusty brother... but this news is going to annoy the beast enough that Tumbleweed struggles to get it out.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: About that... apparently a few guys claim you ate them...
Dinosaur Bones: IS APE NEWS REPORTING FROM INSIDE MY BELLY?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: No.... uh... the thing is... they are claiming they escaped.
Dinosaur Bones: UNDIGESTED?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Sorry Bones-
Dinosaur Bones: OUTRAGEOUS! LIES! SLANDER! I WOULD NEVER LET CALORIES GO TO WASTE! NO ONE HAS ESCAPED MY ALL CONSUMING APPETITE!
The beast jumps off the bed.
Dinosaur Bones: THEY WILL BE HEARING FROM MY SOLICITOR!
The dracolich storms out of his bedroom.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Where are you heading?
Dinosaur Bones: MY SOLICITOR IS IN MY STOMACH!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Don't eat 'em Bonesy - embracing oblivion ain't worth it!
Chasing after his friend, Stokes fails to duck and his hat hits the frame. It's really big.
Dinosaur Bones (yelling back as he exits the condo... of despair): I CAN'T EAT ANY MORE APES, BUT APPARENTLY I ALREADY ATE THOSE FLESHLINGS - DOUBLE JEOPARDY - LOOP HOLE!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Medical diagnosis don't work that way...
The cowboy closes the door behind him, leaving a black frame to end on.
A blinding white line cuts the screen in half-
A crack in reality... no a door opening.
Light from the hallway floods into the blacken bedroom, revealing a level of mess that borders on hoarder... or frat boy.
An elderly man stoops to enter, so his ten-gallon-hat can clear the doorframe.
"DEATH TO ALL WHO ENTER!"
"Ah, don't be like that Bonesy."
Lifting his head, the former John Wayne stuntman lets his tired eyes adjust to the gloom, trying to get a track on the booming voice.
"GO AWAY - OR DOOM YOUR SPECIES TO THE ZEST PITS OF TAL'GOROTH!"
Heavy dust floats through the air. It almost gives the ancient cowboy a coughing spell. CLINK. CLINK. CLINK. The spurs of "Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes boots are definitely scratching up the floor as he hopes around mountains of discarded Freshii containers and a river of tears.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: How ya feeling, partner?
A mound of sheets moves, Bones apparently sleeping in a pile of laundry, barely able to lift his head.
Dinosaur Bones: LEAVE ME ALONE, WILLIAM!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Still down in the dumps... buck up, buckaroo.
Dinosaur Bones: YOU'D BE BLUE TOO IF YOU WERE ON SUCH A RESTRICTIVE DIET!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Hey, you should watch the Rumble, even though you couldn't eat no body, you had 'em stampeding for safety! Lot of good hombres hurt that day... Network has been mighty quiet since.
Dinosaur Bones: YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT... SPARE ME YOUR APE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY! WHAT AM I, A FLESHLING EMBRIO?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Aw Bonesy, take it from a cowpoke that's been around the rodeo almost as long as you... when you get bucked off a horse, yeh need to get right back on!
Dinosaur Bones: IF I CANNOT CONSUME THAT CHEWY APE WITHOUT CEASING TO EXIST - THE APTLY NAMED HORS D'OEURVE, DEATH TRAP - THEN UNLIFE IS NOT WORTH UNLIVING!
The sulking mass of stale sheets rolls over.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: It tears me up seeing you this way, partner. There is always hope.... even if you can't eat people anymore, that fancy science is doing great things with non-alcoholic beer. You keep going, and one day they may have radishes that taste like gingers.
Dinosaur Bones: WHO HAS THAT KIND OF TIME?
The dracolich rolls further away. Sighing, Tumbleweed rests his old bones on the foot of the bed. Picking up a remote, the cowboy turns on the boob tube - as he calls it.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: You're too hung up on the whole vegetarian thing... we need to distract you.
CNN.
CNN Anchor: Where have you been, under a rock?
Buzz: No, I was in the stomach of a dracolich- just like many people who are currently at risk of dying-
Buzz: No, I was in the stomach of a dracolich- just like many people who are currently at risk of dying-
Uh oh.
Tumbleweed tries to change the channel, but his grandchildren aren't around to show him the other buttons on the remote!
Dinosaur Bones: WHAT?
Dirty clothes fall to the floor, as the T-Rex skeleton emerges to watch the CNN report from January 12th... time is a void.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Oh uh... yeah...
The cowboy is the only person the Dinosaur will never eat, as the closest thing he has to a dusty brother... but this news is going to annoy the beast enough that Tumbleweed struggles to get it out.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: About that... apparently a few guys claim you ate them...
Dinosaur Bones: IS APE NEWS REPORTING FROM INSIDE MY BELLY?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: No.... uh... the thing is... they are claiming they escaped.
Dinosaur Bones: UNDIGESTED?
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Sorry Bones-
Dinosaur Bones: OUTRAGEOUS! LIES! SLANDER! I WOULD NEVER LET CALORIES GO TO WASTE! NO ONE HAS ESCAPED MY ALL CONSUMING APPETITE!
The beast jumps off the bed.
Dinosaur Bones: THEY WILL BE HEARING FROM MY SOLICITOR!
The dracolich storms out of his bedroom.
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Where are you heading?
Dinosaur Bones: MY SOLICITOR IS IN MY STOMACH!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Don't eat 'em Bonesy - embracing oblivion ain't worth it!
Chasing after his friend, Stokes fails to duck and his hat hits the frame. It's really big.
Dinosaur Bones (yelling back as he exits the condo... of despair): I CAN'T EAT ANY MORE APES, BUT APPARENTLY I ALREADY ATE THOSE FLESHLINGS - DOUBLE JEOPARDY - LOOP HOLE!
"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Medical diagnosis don't work that way...
The cowboy closes the door behind him, leaving a black frame to end on.