Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 21, 2024 7:07:46 GMT -5
*We open on….darkness. That’s right, absolute black screen wasting airtime. But wait, what’s that I hear? It sounds like a lot of thumping. Not like “sex in the next room” thumping, but the sound of hands, knees, feet, and the occasional rear hitting metal. Also, there are voices, sweet sweet sexy voices, well one of them is sexy, the other one sounds kinda lame.*
“All I’m saying is that I called dibs.”
“Dude, your dibs is total crap. I mean, come on, you can’t call dibs on a girl.”
“Oh? Because I totally did, and so I am gonna get the total hottie and you’re getting nothing.”
“What? No way, she likes me better anyway, this mask really gets the girls going.”
“Yeah, going to the bathroom to puke.”
“Besides, your dibs is null and void because I’m letting your creepy friend be the bottom henchman.”
“Bottom henchman?”
“Well, I got to thinking about it, and as dark lords, we command a fair few people under us.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And these guys do services we wouldn’t even think of doing.”
“True…”
“And we end up profiting off of them in the end.”
“Well, yeah.”
“That’s called being a pimp. So I figure that we’re essentially these guy’s pimp, so we might as well use the lingo that has conveniently been put before us.”
*There’s a few moments of silence from the two as the thumping continues, soon though a voice comes through again.*
“….So why are we doing this again?”
“We’re breaking into the NCW headquarters in order to retrieve the file of the Motor City Mafia so that we’ll be able to get an advantage over them.”
“Yeah, but why are we breaking in? I mean, my brother would probably just give us the files if we asked.”
“Hello? We’re evil, we don’t ask, we take. Besides, it’s a good bonding experience.”
“I hardly see how having my face jammed into your crack is a bonding experience."
“Yay! I love sneaking!”
“Did you hear something?”
“Nope, anyway, we’re here, I think, maybe.”
*We finally switch camera views to a pretty high quality CCTV camera inside of a pretty nice looking office. Above the desk of whomever’s place this is, one of the ceiling panels slides off, leaving a big square hole in the ceiling. Lord Dominicus pokes his head down through the hole and looks around.*
Lord Dominicus: Oh, we totally found the right place.
*Suddenly, he comes tumbling down on the desk and lands back-first, and painfully at that.*
Lord Dominicus: Owwww…….keyboard….
*The dark lord rolls off of the desk and looks at the whole.*
Lord Dominicus: You jerk! You totally pushed me!
*Rob “Dominicus” Diamond jumps down through the hole onto the desk.*
Dominicus: You can’t prove anything.
*Dominicus looks around, then at LD.*
Dominicus: So, um, how did you know this was the right place? There’s no light in those vents.
Lord Dominicus: Back when I used to [REDACTED] I often had to sneak up on my potential interviewees like a stealthy cougar about to strike down a young buck. Therefore I memorized the entire floor plan, when I came to NCW I just did it out of habit.
Dominicus: You’re weird.
Lord Dominicus: Your face is weird.
Dominicus: Your mom is weird.
Lord Dominicus: Drat! You countered with the mom one. Grrr. Anyway, you start looking for the files, you know your way around the insides of these offices better than I do.
Dominicus: Well what are you going to do?
Lord Dominicus: I have some other business to take care of.
*Lord Dominicus walks towards the CCTV camera; in fact, he pulls a chair over to it and stands up on said chair to get even closer. Behind him, Dominicus just shrugs and starts to look through a file cabinet.*
Lord Dominicus: MOTOR CITY MAFIA! I bet you thought that you were safe! I bet that you thought that my cohort and I would submit to the power of god. Well, now you know better. Johnny Rotten, Jayson Matthews, you have seen that not even god can stop….THE DOMINICUS REPUBLIC!
*Slowly, Lord Dominicus raises his hand up towards his face, and crushes it into a fist of awesome fury.*
Dominicus: [REDACTED], what are you doing over there?
*Lord Dominicus turns around and then quietly addresses his partner.*
Lord Dominicus: Gosh darn it, Dominicus, stop calling me [REDACTED] and let me do my thing!
*Dominicus sighs as Lord Dominicus returns to the camera.*
Lord Dominicus: Now MCM, you may think you have some sort of advantage on us. I mean, look at myself and my partner. We are but lowly beings, small and fragile. -Whereas you, Johnny Rotten in particular, are huge and scary and beardy. I mean, come on, you’re like a monster. If I could, I would totally hire you to hench for us. You’re huge! And because of your largeness and very clear difference in wrestling style, you may think you have an advantage. You might think that because my evil cohort and I are roughly the same size and wrestle in roughly the same way and probably only weigh a little more than you when we’re combined that you somehow can beat us into a pulp. That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it, Johnny? It seems that this week we are facing thunder and lightning. A glorious combo of power and flash. How ever can we even come close to touching that sort of grace?
*Lord Dominicus slowly wraps his hand around his chin, well, the part of his mask where his chin should be, well I guess it’s really the mask’s chin if we’re getting technical. He ponders for a moment before bursting out.*
Lord Dominicus: WE DON’T HAVE TO! We are the Dominicus Republic! We are the masters of all that is dark, scary, and evil! Johnny Rotten, we are not scared of your giant hands of hurtitude! We do not fear your massive thighs of crushing! And we do not cower from your massive beard of manliness. Why? -Because deep down Johnny, you and I both know that in your heart you have already sworn your alliance to the Republic. With every baby you scare, with every old lady you unintentionally injure, you know that we control your actions. You try to drink away your fears that we control you, but we do. You are our monster with which to play with, and come this Sunday, the Dominicus Republic will lord it’s power over you.
Dominicus: Man, you’ve really got a hard-on for Johnny Rotten, don’t you?
*LD turns to look again at his partner who is looking for the files still.*
Lord Dominicus: Oh my god, you’re just not gonna let me do this, are you? You be quiet and find the files.
Dominicus: Ok, but the chick is totally mine.
Lord Dominicus: WE WILL DISCUSS THAT LATER!
*He turns back to the camera and clears his throat.*
Lord Dominicus: As for you, young Jayson Matthews, I see the spark in your eye, the excitement, the thrill of being in the ring. I want to crush it. Your warm outlook melts people’s hearts on a figurative scale. But you see Jayson, you and your oddly spelled first name can’t ever melt through my black heart of evil. Oh no, I am evil to the core, and no matter how much like a little Pikachu you are, I shall not waver on my Xtreme hatred of you and your antics. You are not cute, Jayson, you are pathetic in the eyes of Lord Dominicus.
*LD angrily squints at the camera, well, he tries to, but you can’t really see that through the mask. So, um, I guess he just blankly stares at the camera for a few moments.*
Lord Dominicus: You may possess an almost Nelly Angel level of tenacity, but I too have the energy to drive my way through a match. In fact, I have more, why? BECAUSE I AM A DARK LORD! I call upon all the powers of Hades to drive forth my victories! Jayson Matthews you are but a mere ant in the grand schemes of the Dominicus Republic. I shall burn your insignificant hide with an oversized magnifying glass of hate! You cannot stand against us!
*BOOM! The door flies open! In walks Warren Suffering (for reference, see Dominicus’ last promo), he’s holding a clipboard.*
Warren: Ok guys, I’m here!
Dominicus: Why are you here?!
Warren: I’m the bottom ho- er, henchman, duh.
Dominicus: You’re saying it too?
*Lord Dominicus jumps down from his chair, turning again to his partner.*
Lord Dominicus: Don’t worry about our young ward, you take care of the files, I’ll take care of business with the young man.
*He turns to Warren.*
Lord Dominicus: So you have come to help us?
Warren: Yeah, I was even gonna bring one of the newer henchmen to come help to, but he didn’t.
Lord Domincus: Which one?
*Warren looks at his clipboard.*
Warren: Sam “The No-Man” Lowman. I set up a meeting place with him, but when I got there, he wasn’t there. So I called him, and asked him if he was going to be late, he said, “No.” So then I asked him if he was going to show up at all, he said, “No.” Then I asked him if he was quitting, but oddly enough, he said, “No.”
Lord Dominicus: Hmmm, yes, it is so hard to find good help these days.
Dominicus: AH-HA! Found the files!
Warren: Excellent, I’ve got the car all ready to go for our nice and easy….
*We cut to an actual production camera inside of a bathroom. In front of the camera is the newest evil villain to grace NCW, Conejo Esponjoso. He looks at the camera as he looks down at what he has in his hand, a cigarette.*
Conejo: Here I am NCW world, about to perform some evil for you all. Now, you might ask, where are we? We are currently in the NCW headquarters and it’s after hours. Not only have I broken in, but I’m also going to smoke- it’s a no-smoking building, AND, I’m doing it in the bathroom, totally evil. Ok, so let’s get this started.
*Conejo pulls out a lighter and lights up the cigarette, he takes in a huge breath of it.*
Conejo: *COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! HACK!* Smoooooooooth.
*He soon though notices a string of smoke going up towards a smoke detector.*
Conejo: Oh, this isn’t going to be good for anybody…
Warren: …nice and easy esca-
*The sprinklers turn on as the fire alarm sounds.*
Lord Dominicus: CRAP! THEY’VE FOUND US!
Warren: RUN!
*The trio starts to panic as we fade out on LD’s portion of promoting this week.*
“All I’m saying is that I called dibs.”
“Dude, your dibs is total crap. I mean, come on, you can’t call dibs on a girl.”
“Oh? Because I totally did, and so I am gonna get the total hottie and you’re getting nothing.”
“What? No way, she likes me better anyway, this mask really gets the girls going.”
“Yeah, going to the bathroom to puke.”
“Besides, your dibs is null and void because I’m letting your creepy friend be the bottom henchman.”
“Bottom henchman?”
“Well, I got to thinking about it, and as dark lords, we command a fair few people under us.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And these guys do services we wouldn’t even think of doing.”
“True…”
“And we end up profiting off of them in the end.”
“Well, yeah.”
“That’s called being a pimp. So I figure that we’re essentially these guy’s pimp, so we might as well use the lingo that has conveniently been put before us.”
*There’s a few moments of silence from the two as the thumping continues, soon though a voice comes through again.*
“….So why are we doing this again?”
“We’re breaking into the NCW headquarters in order to retrieve the file of the Motor City Mafia so that we’ll be able to get an advantage over them.”
“Yeah, but why are we breaking in? I mean, my brother would probably just give us the files if we asked.”
“Hello? We’re evil, we don’t ask, we take. Besides, it’s a good bonding experience.”
“I hardly see how having my face jammed into your crack is a bonding experience."
“Yay! I love sneaking!”
“Did you hear something?”
“Nope, anyway, we’re here, I think, maybe.”
*We finally switch camera views to a pretty high quality CCTV camera inside of a pretty nice looking office. Above the desk of whomever’s place this is, one of the ceiling panels slides off, leaving a big square hole in the ceiling. Lord Dominicus pokes his head down through the hole and looks around.*
Lord Dominicus: Oh, we totally found the right place.
*Suddenly, he comes tumbling down on the desk and lands back-first, and painfully at that.*
Lord Dominicus: Owwww…….keyboard….
*The dark lord rolls off of the desk and looks at the whole.*
Lord Dominicus: You jerk! You totally pushed me!
*Rob “Dominicus” Diamond jumps down through the hole onto the desk.*
Dominicus: You can’t prove anything.
*Dominicus looks around, then at LD.*
Dominicus: So, um, how did you know this was the right place? There’s no light in those vents.
Lord Dominicus: Back when I used to [REDACTED] I often had to sneak up on my potential interviewees like a stealthy cougar about to strike down a young buck. Therefore I memorized the entire floor plan, when I came to NCW I just did it out of habit.
Dominicus: You’re weird.
Lord Dominicus: Your face is weird.
Dominicus: Your mom is weird.
Lord Dominicus: Drat! You countered with the mom one. Grrr. Anyway, you start looking for the files, you know your way around the insides of these offices better than I do.
Dominicus: Well what are you going to do?
Lord Dominicus: I have some other business to take care of.
*Lord Dominicus walks towards the CCTV camera; in fact, he pulls a chair over to it and stands up on said chair to get even closer. Behind him, Dominicus just shrugs and starts to look through a file cabinet.*
Lord Dominicus: MOTOR CITY MAFIA! I bet you thought that you were safe! I bet that you thought that my cohort and I would submit to the power of god. Well, now you know better. Johnny Rotten, Jayson Matthews, you have seen that not even god can stop….THE DOMINICUS REPUBLIC!
*Slowly, Lord Dominicus raises his hand up towards his face, and crushes it into a fist of awesome fury.*
Dominicus: [REDACTED], what are you doing over there?
*Lord Dominicus turns around and then quietly addresses his partner.*
Lord Dominicus: Gosh darn it, Dominicus, stop calling me [REDACTED] and let me do my thing!
*Dominicus sighs as Lord Dominicus returns to the camera.*
Lord Dominicus: Now MCM, you may think you have some sort of advantage on us. I mean, look at myself and my partner. We are but lowly beings, small and fragile. -Whereas you, Johnny Rotten in particular, are huge and scary and beardy. I mean, come on, you’re like a monster. If I could, I would totally hire you to hench for us. You’re huge! And because of your largeness and very clear difference in wrestling style, you may think you have an advantage. You might think that because my evil cohort and I are roughly the same size and wrestle in roughly the same way and probably only weigh a little more than you when we’re combined that you somehow can beat us into a pulp. That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it, Johnny? It seems that this week we are facing thunder and lightning. A glorious combo of power and flash. How ever can we even come close to touching that sort of grace?
*Lord Dominicus slowly wraps his hand around his chin, well, the part of his mask where his chin should be, well I guess it’s really the mask’s chin if we’re getting technical. He ponders for a moment before bursting out.*
Lord Dominicus: WE DON’T HAVE TO! We are the Dominicus Republic! We are the masters of all that is dark, scary, and evil! Johnny Rotten, we are not scared of your giant hands of hurtitude! We do not fear your massive thighs of crushing! And we do not cower from your massive beard of manliness. Why? -Because deep down Johnny, you and I both know that in your heart you have already sworn your alliance to the Republic. With every baby you scare, with every old lady you unintentionally injure, you know that we control your actions. You try to drink away your fears that we control you, but we do. You are our monster with which to play with, and come this Sunday, the Dominicus Republic will lord it’s power over you.
Dominicus: Man, you’ve really got a hard-on for Johnny Rotten, don’t you?
*LD turns to look again at his partner who is looking for the files still.*
Lord Dominicus: Oh my god, you’re just not gonna let me do this, are you? You be quiet and find the files.
Dominicus: Ok, but the chick is totally mine.
Lord Dominicus: WE WILL DISCUSS THAT LATER!
*He turns back to the camera and clears his throat.*
Lord Dominicus: As for you, young Jayson Matthews, I see the spark in your eye, the excitement, the thrill of being in the ring. I want to crush it. Your warm outlook melts people’s hearts on a figurative scale. But you see Jayson, you and your oddly spelled first name can’t ever melt through my black heart of evil. Oh no, I am evil to the core, and no matter how much like a little Pikachu you are, I shall not waver on my Xtreme hatred of you and your antics. You are not cute, Jayson, you are pathetic in the eyes of Lord Dominicus.
*LD angrily squints at the camera, well, he tries to, but you can’t really see that through the mask. So, um, I guess he just blankly stares at the camera for a few moments.*
Lord Dominicus: You may possess an almost Nelly Angel level of tenacity, but I too have the energy to drive my way through a match. In fact, I have more, why? BECAUSE I AM A DARK LORD! I call upon all the powers of Hades to drive forth my victories! Jayson Matthews you are but a mere ant in the grand schemes of the Dominicus Republic. I shall burn your insignificant hide with an oversized magnifying glass of hate! You cannot stand against us!
*BOOM! The door flies open! In walks Warren Suffering (for reference, see Dominicus’ last promo), he’s holding a clipboard.*
Warren: Ok guys, I’m here!
Dominicus: Why are you here?!
Warren: I’m the bottom ho- er, henchman, duh.
Dominicus: You’re saying it too?
*Lord Dominicus jumps down from his chair, turning again to his partner.*
Lord Dominicus: Don’t worry about our young ward, you take care of the files, I’ll take care of business with the young man.
*He turns to Warren.*
Lord Dominicus: So you have come to help us?
Warren: Yeah, I was even gonna bring one of the newer henchmen to come help to, but he didn’t.
Lord Domincus: Which one?
*Warren looks at his clipboard.*
Warren: Sam “The No-Man” Lowman. I set up a meeting place with him, but when I got there, he wasn’t there. So I called him, and asked him if he was going to be late, he said, “No.” So then I asked him if he was going to show up at all, he said, “No.” Then I asked him if he was quitting, but oddly enough, he said, “No.”
Lord Dominicus: Hmmm, yes, it is so hard to find good help these days.
Dominicus: AH-HA! Found the files!
Warren: Excellent, I’ve got the car all ready to go for our nice and easy….
MEANWHILE
*We cut to an actual production camera inside of a bathroom. In front of the camera is the newest evil villain to grace NCW, Conejo Esponjoso. He looks at the camera as he looks down at what he has in his hand, a cigarette.*
Conejo: Here I am NCW world, about to perform some evil for you all. Now, you might ask, where are we? We are currently in the NCW headquarters and it’s after hours. Not only have I broken in, but I’m also going to smoke- it’s a no-smoking building, AND, I’m doing it in the bathroom, totally evil. Ok, so let’s get this started.
*Conejo pulls out a lighter and lights up the cigarette, he takes in a huge breath of it.*
Conejo: *COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! HACK!* Smoooooooooth.
*He soon though notices a string of smoke going up towards a smoke detector.*
Conejo: Oh, this isn’t going to be good for anybody…
BACK IN THE OFFICE
Warren: …nice and easy esca-
*The sprinklers turn on as the fire alarm sounds.*
Lord Dominicus: CRAP! THEY’VE FOUND US!
Warren: RUN!
*The trio starts to panic as we fade out on LD’s portion of promoting this week.*