Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 21, 2024 7:59:37 GMT -5
*We open in a dark and dank warehouse, the camera slowly pans around the mostly empty palace of stored stuff. There are some wisps of smoke being generated by a nearly faulty fog machine. Quite honestly, the whole thing is a bit over-done but we’ll try not to worry about that. Some feet walk quickly past the camera, the all-seeing eye of NCW’s production crew decides to follow said feet as they whisk across the floor. Soon we pull back a bit and see a figure holding a clipboard moving faster and faster towards his goal, whatever that may be. As the camera continues to pull back we soon realize that this person is Warren Suffering. Soon he reaches a pile of big wooden crates that extend nearly to the ceiling. He looks up and sighs.*
Warren: *Sigh*
*Quickly, the camera zooms to the top of the crates to find two thrones, both alike in style and size sit upon the top. One of them is empty, the other is currently housing the rear end of one Lord Dominicus (um…uh….the [REDACTED] one). Mr. Dominicus sits upon his throne and munches away on a small black cookie. It is evident that these are in fact Girl Scout thin mint cookies because the area around his throne is littered with the green boxes said cookie comes in. He looks at the camera.*
LD: What?
*There’s a pause, as though he’s waiting for a response. However, Warren gladly fills this silent void.*
Warren: Sir, you haven’t left your throne in hours, are you alright?
*Lord Dominicus looks down at the main henchman of the Dominicus Republic.*
LD: What are you implying? Are you saying I’m afraid of heights? I won’t stand for you saying I am afraid of heights. I can have you maimed you know.
*Warren stays silent for a moment, thinking about his next move.*
Warren: Um…Would you like some more cookies?
LD: Of course, I need to continue to power my OPPRESSIVE EVIL.
Warren: Sir, if I may, why Girl Scout cookies?
LD: The answer to this question is two-fold my young ward.
Warren: My name is Warren, sir, but you can call me Ward if tha-
LD: No, ward is a- you know what? Never mind. Anyway, where was I?
Warren: Explaining why Girl Scout cookies are evil.
LD: Ah yes. First of all, the cookies are all black, like my soul. Well, the Thin Mints are anyway. Secondly, they are crisp, like a cold, winter day that is strangling you to death as you try to breathe but you can’t because the very life is being sucked from you by the chilly hands of death. Well, the Thin Mints are at least.
Warren: I like Samoas.
LD: Nobody likes Samoas.
Warren: I just said that I do.
LD: Nobody who matters like Samoas.
Warren: Yes sir.
LD: Anyway, stop interrupting me. If I wanted somebody constantly bothering me with inane details, I’d talk to Copper Epistle. Continuing on, the final and most evil reason is that the Girl Scouts are one of the most oppressive groups who believe firmly in conservative values that cause people to not have fun, it’s beautiful. Therefore I support them with my evil dollars.
Warren: I don’t follow. What kind of things are they oppressive for.
LD: Gays.
Warren: That’s the Boy Scouts.
LD: Boys, girls, whatever, evil scouts, tasty cookies. Now leave me be, I must speak to this camera.
*Quietly, Warren bows and then walks away quietly. LD returns his attention to the camera.*
LD: Here I sit, munching on evil, why? Because Will Washington beat me, also, because I like cookies. However, I do not fear anyone, and now this week the powerhouse that is the Dominicus Republic is taking on InFamous, a group we apparently can’t stop running into. Why is that? Is it because my partner is tied to them? Is it because there aren’t that many tag-teams? Is it because Jimmy Zane has some sort of attraction to me? Oh well, whatever the reason is, I’m sure it is insignificant. Not as insignificant as Bate’s attempts to create drama with his female-based issues, but pretty darn InSignificant.
*Munch munch munch.*
LD: I don’t know about this duo that is InFamous. I mean, I understand that Dominicus has quite the InTerest in this group, however, I cannot understand why. I think that initially, he was hoping to pool their rage with his own and use this to become a better unit that doesn’t lose quite so much. However…that hasn’t worked at all. Since the identity of Lord Dominicus has become that of two beings, we’ve been pretty much unstoppable *cough*withtheexceptionoflastweek*cough*. I mean, I don’t want to repeat myself, but look at the things our team has done, even the Dominicus Republic’s Expanded Edition were able to claim a win, go LD squared!
*Slowly, Lord Dominicus puts another cookie under his mask into his mouth.*
LD: Buuuuut….what about InFamous, er, the couple that is Jimmy Zane and Kristy Bates? In every comparison between us and them, they always fall short. I mean, lets look at the facts here, who’s more evil? The Dominicus Republic. Who’s more coordinated? The Dominicus Republic. Who gets to wear sweet and totally evil masks? The Dominicus Republic. Oh, and of course the most important one, who actually wins matches? The Dominicus Republic. InFamous are losers. Jimmy Zane is a loser; he was talking crap about beating me despite that not happening: I am Lord Dominicus, not this Nelly kid. However, Jimmy, if you remember, you did win with me one time, remember that match? You were worthless and I pinned the NCW Champion. Zane, you’re a mediocre wrestler. You’re boring on the microphone. And you’re just not as evil as me. I’m sorry, but you’re three-times a loser.
*Lord Dominicus takes out a megaphone from behind his throne.*
LD: PAGE! BRING ME SOME MILK! ……cho-*clears throat* CHOCOLATE!
*He puts the megaphone done and thinks aloud to himself.*
LD: Lesse….it’s darker, therefore more evil, yeah, that makes sense.
*He shakes his head back into what he was doing.*
LD: And what about Mister Bates? Has he been talking to Alex Jones, Spike Kane, and Brad Kane lately? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen promos that play out exactly like his many-a-time with them. “Oh, look at me, I’m with a girl, I’m doing things with a girl, I’m talking to a girl, I’m being seen with a girl….CUT TO THE WET BOX!” I mean really, what is this? It’s like some sort of thriller mixed with the most cookie-cutter “make me look like a bad-guy” kind of crap that any two-bit henchman would try to pull. And really Bates, are you anything more? I have many henchmen, all with funny names, and all with strange quirks. You’re name is strange, you have weird quirks. Do you think you’re something special? You’re nothing. I look down at you. I am on the throne Bates. You don’t look down on me. You are nothing, you care about wins, you care about titles, and you have nothing, therefore, you are nothing. I am evil, and I have that in spades. I am everything. Take your tie and go home kid, people stopped caring about you and your home life as soon as you stopped playing with Homeless Harold. Know when to get out, otherwise you’ll start to be confused with the likes of Jimmy Zane…..oh wait.
*The Dark Lord of all that is Evil shrugs.*
LD: InFamous is driven by titles and something called ‘overness,’ I don’t know what the second thing is, but I do know titles. I also know that my partner, Dominicus, is in InFamous. I also know that we are the tag team champions. Do I trust my partner? I trust him like I trust myself, because in the end, we are one in the same, aren’t we?
*Our evil hero stands up amongst his boxes of Girl Scout cookies.*
LD: InFamous, you are not even close to being as evil as the Dominicus Republic. We are united in evil; we are united in hatred; and we will be united in kicking your tails! ALL SHALL BOW DOWN TO THE DOMINICUS REPUBLIC AND HAIL THE DUAL DOMINICI!
*He kicks some of the boxes towards the camera as thunder booms in the background. Lord Dominicus then laughs a hearty laugh as the camera fades.*
Warren: *Sigh*
*Quickly, the camera zooms to the top of the crates to find two thrones, both alike in style and size sit upon the top. One of them is empty, the other is currently housing the rear end of one Lord Dominicus (um…uh….the [REDACTED] one). Mr. Dominicus sits upon his throne and munches away on a small black cookie. It is evident that these are in fact Girl Scout thin mint cookies because the area around his throne is littered with the green boxes said cookie comes in. He looks at the camera.*
LD: What?
*There’s a pause, as though he’s waiting for a response. However, Warren gladly fills this silent void.*
Warren: Sir, you haven’t left your throne in hours, are you alright?
*Lord Dominicus looks down at the main henchman of the Dominicus Republic.*
LD: What are you implying? Are you saying I’m afraid of heights? I won’t stand for you saying I am afraid of heights. I can have you maimed you know.
*Warren stays silent for a moment, thinking about his next move.*
Warren: Um…Would you like some more cookies?
LD: Of course, I need to continue to power my OPPRESSIVE EVIL.
Warren: Sir, if I may, why Girl Scout cookies?
LD: The answer to this question is two-fold my young ward.
Warren: My name is Warren, sir, but you can call me Ward if tha-
LD: No, ward is a- you know what? Never mind. Anyway, where was I?
Warren: Explaining why Girl Scout cookies are evil.
LD: Ah yes. First of all, the cookies are all black, like my soul. Well, the Thin Mints are anyway. Secondly, they are crisp, like a cold, winter day that is strangling you to death as you try to breathe but you can’t because the very life is being sucked from you by the chilly hands of death. Well, the Thin Mints are at least.
Warren: I like Samoas.
LD: Nobody likes Samoas.
Warren: I just said that I do.
LD: Nobody who matters like Samoas.
Warren: Yes sir.
LD: Anyway, stop interrupting me. If I wanted somebody constantly bothering me with inane details, I’d talk to Copper Epistle. Continuing on, the final and most evil reason is that the Girl Scouts are one of the most oppressive groups who believe firmly in conservative values that cause people to not have fun, it’s beautiful. Therefore I support them with my evil dollars.
Warren: I don’t follow. What kind of things are they oppressive for.
LD: Gays.
Warren: That’s the Boy Scouts.
LD: Boys, girls, whatever, evil scouts, tasty cookies. Now leave me be, I must speak to this camera.
*Quietly, Warren bows and then walks away quietly. LD returns his attention to the camera.*
LD: Here I sit, munching on evil, why? Because Will Washington beat me, also, because I like cookies. However, I do not fear anyone, and now this week the powerhouse that is the Dominicus Republic is taking on InFamous, a group we apparently can’t stop running into. Why is that? Is it because my partner is tied to them? Is it because there aren’t that many tag-teams? Is it because Jimmy Zane has some sort of attraction to me? Oh well, whatever the reason is, I’m sure it is insignificant. Not as insignificant as Bate’s attempts to create drama with his female-based issues, but pretty darn InSignificant.
*Munch munch munch.*
LD: I don’t know about this duo that is InFamous. I mean, I understand that Dominicus has quite the InTerest in this group, however, I cannot understand why. I think that initially, he was hoping to pool their rage with his own and use this to become a better unit that doesn’t lose quite so much. However…that hasn’t worked at all. Since the identity of Lord Dominicus has become that of two beings, we’ve been pretty much unstoppable *cough*withtheexceptionoflastweek*cough*. I mean, I don’t want to repeat myself, but look at the things our team has done, even the Dominicus Republic’s Expanded Edition were able to claim a win, go LD squared!
*Slowly, Lord Dominicus puts another cookie under his mask into his mouth.*
LD: Buuuuut….what about InFamous, er, the couple that is Jimmy Zane and Kristy Bates? In every comparison between us and them, they always fall short. I mean, lets look at the facts here, who’s more evil? The Dominicus Republic. Who’s more coordinated? The Dominicus Republic. Who gets to wear sweet and totally evil masks? The Dominicus Republic. Oh, and of course the most important one, who actually wins matches? The Dominicus Republic. InFamous are losers. Jimmy Zane is a loser; he was talking crap about beating me despite that not happening: I am Lord Dominicus, not this Nelly kid. However, Jimmy, if you remember, you did win with me one time, remember that match? You were worthless and I pinned the NCW Champion. Zane, you’re a mediocre wrestler. You’re boring on the microphone. And you’re just not as evil as me. I’m sorry, but you’re three-times a loser.
*Lord Dominicus takes out a megaphone from behind his throne.*
LD: PAGE! BRING ME SOME MILK! ……cho-*clears throat* CHOCOLATE!
*He puts the megaphone done and thinks aloud to himself.*
LD: Lesse….it’s darker, therefore more evil, yeah, that makes sense.
*He shakes his head back into what he was doing.*
LD: And what about Mister Bates? Has he been talking to Alex Jones, Spike Kane, and Brad Kane lately? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen promos that play out exactly like his many-a-time with them. “Oh, look at me, I’m with a girl, I’m doing things with a girl, I’m talking to a girl, I’m being seen with a girl….CUT TO THE WET BOX!” I mean really, what is this? It’s like some sort of thriller mixed with the most cookie-cutter “make me look like a bad-guy” kind of crap that any two-bit henchman would try to pull. And really Bates, are you anything more? I have many henchmen, all with funny names, and all with strange quirks. You’re name is strange, you have weird quirks. Do you think you’re something special? You’re nothing. I look down at you. I am on the throne Bates. You don’t look down on me. You are nothing, you care about wins, you care about titles, and you have nothing, therefore, you are nothing. I am evil, and I have that in spades. I am everything. Take your tie and go home kid, people stopped caring about you and your home life as soon as you stopped playing with Homeless Harold. Know when to get out, otherwise you’ll start to be confused with the likes of Jimmy Zane…..oh wait.
*The Dark Lord of all that is Evil shrugs.*
LD: InFamous is driven by titles and something called ‘overness,’ I don’t know what the second thing is, but I do know titles. I also know that my partner, Dominicus, is in InFamous. I also know that we are the tag team champions. Do I trust my partner? I trust him like I trust myself, because in the end, we are one in the same, aren’t we?
*Our evil hero stands up amongst his boxes of Girl Scout cookies.*
LD: InFamous, you are not even close to being as evil as the Dominicus Republic. We are united in evil; we are united in hatred; and we will be united in kicking your tails! ALL SHALL BOW DOWN TO THE DOMINICUS REPUBLIC AND HAIL THE DUAL DOMINICI!
*He kicks some of the boxes towards the camera as thunder booms in the background. Lord Dominicus then laughs a hearty laugh as the camera fades.*